So today is my Birthday. Normally, I would go on how this was a horrible year and that no one likes me and so forth.

But not this time.

It was a bad year, and from April to June was my worst point in all of my life, but I need to stop complaining about it so much. I need change my life around.

This past year I have been drawing more, got a better spot at work, and I started seeing a Therapist to help me have control over my emotions rather than them controlling me.

I will become a better person this year.

No matter how hard you try, how much you practice.

If you are a loser, you will never succeed. You will always lose because that is your lot in life. Nothing will ever change that.

I should know. I have the life of a loser. I fail at everything, all the time.

Trying is meaningless when you always fail.

So I tried to get a cosplay costume commission made. Turns out, the person I PAID to do it, ripped me off. She took my money and ran. How do I know they ran? Cause their Twitter, Tumblr, and one of their facebook pages are all deleted now.

Of course, there are still places to go.

atpinball.deviantart.com/

www.facebook.com/frecklemeup/?…

www.cosplay.com/member/278180

So yeah, this person pretty much stole from me. But I guess it is my fault. I trusted people, and this is what happened.

So the lesson is: Never trust anything. No one is going to help you. All humans suck.

Hello everyone.

My name is Kevin Miller. I am 29 years old and I am about to go through a very big change in my life. I am a transsexual.

I have always felt like I was living in the wrong body. The time when I really noticed that something about me is not right was when I hit puberty. All throughout those years I felt wrong and hated seeing myself change in ways I did not like. It was not until High School where I found out who I really was inside.

Today I had a doctor’s visit and have been placed on HRT (hormone replacement therapy). In the coming months I will be changing my body into that of a woman. This is something I want and I am going to be ok with how the world is going to treat me.

Now some of you are wondering why I wanted to talk about this now. Well a long time ago I made a character called Jasmine Iora. She was a goth squirrel who was voted into the main cast. She was always my transgender side trying to become more outgoing and make from friends. Since I first drew her, she was going to be trans. That was always the plan. But I didn't want her to be known as 'the transgender one' so I kept it a secret until now to show everyone that transgender people are still just people. Nothing about her was lied about or fake.

What I wanted to ask you all is if you have any questions about me, my life, or maybe just something to say to me be it good or bad, let me know now please.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I love you all.

For those of you who followed me for a long time know that today is my birthday

And that means I fell really bad an hate myself more than normal today. You have been warned.

So should I delete all my art and my account? Why should I bother wasting space like this when I am a pile of crap that should die horribly.

If I was dead, just think of all the lives that would be better from it. No one would be sad for my life has no meaning. My work has no meaning. I am nothing at all.

I think I should just delete everything about myself, including myself.

Everyone within the sound of my journal, time to draw a bunny eating chocolate today!

I hope you all have a wonderful Easter.

See the title. I am at a McDonalds typing this, but I will not have home internet until Tuesday.

What is it like to have someone love you? I don't know myself. I never had anyone in my life, my real life, love me.

Live sucks. The only options I see left are to kill myself or suffer forever.

What fun.

So I can make people mad at me at a moments notice. I can kill all my relationships with no problem.

Will come in handy someday, seeing how I don't want people to care about me at all.

So I don't know if this is helpful/healthy but I don't want to kill myself today. No Today I want to kill my Co-worker.

At the place where I work, there is 1 cash register. He came up to look up a code for a customer. Fair enough. After he found the code and gave it to her, he stood there and talked to her, just talked, for a minute. In that time, another customer came up and I saw that I could help him. But since the register is walled off so only one person can get in, I could do nothing. I waited for 30 seconds and when my co-worker was still talking to this other lady, I just had to leave. Standing around doing nothing is not a good option while on the clock. after a while, he FINALLY stops talking (I think the first customer was the one to walk away) and he helps the other customer. After that, he comes storming up to me.

"YOU KNOW YOU COULD HAVE HELPED THAT ONE GUY! I WAS WITH ANOTHER CUSTOMER! I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT YOU HAD SO LITTLE COMMON SENSE!" He says as he hits his own forehead.

Yes, in his mind, it was MY FAULT.

30 minutes later, I am helping another customer and he comes up to talk to her, again just talk. Do you know how rude it is to try to be checking out a customer's order and having them distracted by my co-worker? And when I do get the order checked out, they still stand there and just talk. They even still just talk WHILE OTHER CUSTOMERS COME UP! Of course I can't say anything. If I do, that would only start things up again.

So yeah, I hate my job and this guy so much.

So losing at everything gets old really fast.

2 hours of smash bro 4, all losses.

An hour of Splatoon, all losses

Freedom Planet, nothing but lost lifes because of BS boss design.

Having all the sketches I've been working on turn out like shit

Getting written up at work because of one bad comment and having it negatively effect my record.

Failing to kill myself. Really wanted this last one to not be a failure but I guess I can't even do this right.

So last week was Baltimore Comic Con. It was clearly one of, if not THE, best weekend of my year. I was selling a book that was co-created by  Ziggy_the_cat We sold 30 copies of the book over the 3 days, which is amazing. We also had some walk around time at the con and just had fun over all.

You can read more about the weekend here: http://talltailcomics.tumblr.com/

Then after the weekend I get back home to my life I hate. Depression sets in again and I upset everyone around me. Co-workers hate me, I said stupid things to my friend and now they hate me, plus I have car problems so that is a fun extra cost in my life.

I really think I should kill myself most of the time just so people can lead a happier life.

So yeah, I am going to be selling at Baltimore Comic Con this year with my very great friend  Ziggy_the_cat

Our comic is focused on kids and younger readers. I feel I have to say that since my FA page is a bit more non-kid friendly. Either way, if you want to meet me and Ziggy, come to Baltimore Comic con. We'll both be there, having a great time.

It really does suck having depression. One small, stupid thing can explode into a big thing for no reason. Then you are on the floor crying your eyes out after you beat yourself up. Not just verbally, but physically. A punch to your legs, stomach, arms, face. Chocking yourself because you want to die. Feeling that no one would even care if you did die, or better yet just spit on your dead corpse and throw you into a ditch.

This is my life at least once a week. It really does suck being me.

That is all. I am just depressed again.

Hey everyone. So this year, instead of being sad and depressed on my birthday (see past journals with the date July 6th) I figured I should ask for something for once.

If anyone wants to, I would love to see some PG art of my characters. From Rachel, to Chris, or even my MLP OC Violet Smiles.

If not, that is fine as well. Just thought I'd ask for once.

You guys ever have a day where you look in the mirror and you really, I mean REALLY, hate what you see?

I had that my whole life. But I don't know what I can do about it. I am scared to say more right now since I do not want people to hate me.

It is FCBD! Everyone go out to your local comic store and get free comics and a great time!

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Commission Info:

Sketch $10 a normal pencil
Lineart $20 Flash pened
characters $25 Flash colored


I am offering commissions right now to try and help me finish a Ghoulia Yelps Cosplay: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16210629/

I am willing to draw anything at all. Just ask and it will be so.

Commission Info:

Sketch $10 a normal pencil
Lineart $20 Flash pened
characters $25 Flash colored


I am offering commissions right now to try and help me finish a Ghoulia Yelps Cosplay: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16210629/

I am willing to draw anything at all. Just ask and it will be so.

Saturday: Valentines day. Since I never once had any love in my life this is just a day of depression for me

Sunday: I live on the east coast so we had that super cold front come in. That means I was locked up all day inside. I did nothing of note.

Monday: While I did have off work, I also had to stay inside again because of the cold weather. This day there was the 'bonus' of having to deal with my hyena of a sister and her boyfriend who she takes everywhere.

Tuesday: Today I had it planned out. I was going to go hang out with friends in real life after not seeing them since November. An hour before I was going to go, I get called in to work late. They say I have the option to say no, AFTER they give me a 2 minute speech about how they need me to come in to cover for a sick co worker. Yeah, way to give me the options of come in or come in. Even on the way back home on my HOUR ONE WAY drive, I planned to get an Icee from my local mini mart. Guess what machine was broken. Guess that means I am meant to suffer, with no chance of joy at all.

So yeah, I am feeling like crap right now.

So, what does everyone want to see me draw?

So I got Super Smash Bros for my 3ds and Wii U. Want to know my win record?

On the 3ds, I have 2 wins, 12 losses in about 30 minutes of online time.

And on the Wii U, I got 0 wins, and 6 losses in under 15 minutes, One match ran out the clock at 5 minutes then I lost in sudden death. The other 5, I lost in 2 minutes or less. One game only lasted 30 seconds.

I am feeling like crap right now. All this time I thought I was good at least one thing in life. Turns out I even suck at playing games. My Amiibo figure, which only has like 20 minutes or so of game time, is already better then I'll ever dream of being.

Birthday is Sunday. My life sucks. I have nothing to celebrate.

What else is new, right?