A bit has happened since last journal. Boyfriend and I did not actually "work through it" lol. Broke up early September and I met a new guy at the end of September. Wasn't expecting to find someone so soon, lol. I met him on Grindr, which is a horrible place to find people, hahaha.... but really though, great guy all around. Very caring and interested... can actually hold a convo that's not just, "Sex? Sex now?" He pulled me in by talking about Morrowind and Stew. I was so so scared to meet him, as this was the first time I have met anyone through a dating app, but I am so so so so glad I did! We're not partners, but that's whatever, idc abt labels and allat.

On another note, guy that works under me, who I now look up to, is possibly dying. Also found him his new foster pup... sigh, it has been a weird ride but hearing he possibly die so soon is... fucking crazy. Idek how to wrap my head around it. It also doesn't help thay his symptoms are the same as my dad's when he died. Ehhhh, I am just sitting back and hoping for the best at this point. I had a few days to mope about it. Ehhh so much more to say and think about but it's stressful.

Besides money troubles and winter, think I overall am doing good rn. I have been wanting to/having motivation to draw and write more as of recent. Perhaps since the weather is starting to become foul I shall draw more. Hopeful!

I went to Canada in July to meet my boyfriend/ex boyfriend/now boyfriend again. It was stressful, but I had a lot of fun for the short time I was with him. I miss him a lot even though I am literally in call with him rn. I wish he would get his ass over here.... We've had a bit of a rocky relationship because... I don't know how to regulate my emotions well and he is not good at reading me. But, what can you do? We're working through it. Our 1 year is coming up on September 8th. :)

Anyway..... I've not been drawing anything of substance as of recent as I want to kms a little, haaa. I've been coughing since the 6th, now not as much, but it still hurts to talk, laugh, move, breathe.... ughh. I want to pick up drawing again but my mind is horribly empty and I have no drive to do anything ughhh. Lol, anyway, hopefully art soon.

Getting ready for bed... I have been wanting to draw lately, but I feel so drained with my mixed schedule. I did pick up FlightRising again though and that has been making me feel inspired again! I will probably put that in my bio or my other websites section soon. Oh, and I also got an eyebrow piercing that I just scratched on accident! Excited for that to heal so I can switxh the piercing anddd get my bridge done :3 then next year I'm going to take a week off and get my tongue pierced! Eee.

Oh and update on the roommate: broke the air fryer (300 bucks) because they dripped cheese in it (they didnt use wax paper which we have plenty of) and they don't feel bad so we're figuring out a deadline.

Anyway, felt like giving a little life update :) I sleep now

Back on my meds, talking to my partner again, and new roommate is in. Everything is fine and I just got to tell myself that as I go. I am excited for these next 3 days off I'm getting. Hopefully get some Morrowind or DA: Inquisition in there and some art. Also gonna force the bf to watch movie w me too... anyway off I go to bed 👋

Today I am not feeling too good. I'm very tired and I ache. I have work in about an hour but all I want to do is sleep more. I also really want to draw more, but I have found that is so hard to keep up with art and inspiration. I am dealing with... well actually not even that much, yet it is so draining. I think I need to go in and up my meds lol.

I have someone moving in on the 14th because they're being kicked out. I have plans with my partner that day and my roommate also has plans with their partner too. It is going to suck so much. We do not really like this person, or at least I don't, but we decided they could crash on the couch for a bit. I wish I did not offer our couch.

I am also on a little break with my partner, which sucks because I miss him so so so much. Unfortunately, he does not like clingy too much... and I am very clingy. I wish I could hold him and tell him how much he means to me.

Alright, I've vented enough. Farewell.

Today marks 50 days of living on my own! I have been very stressed and lazy when not so I've not been making art. I would like to get back into it but I'm really not feeling it right now. I need to not think if art as a task and start thinking of it as a pastime. Soon I will be grabbing a full-time position so art will probably be even more sparse for a long while. I really do hope the full-time position will suit me well because... well I need money and I need to get my savings going haha.... hopefully will get a car within a year too :) anyway... little update a little yap... hoping that art inspo will come to me soon.

I'm all moved in... it is so weird being away from my mom... I'm only 10 minutes away from her but it is still weird. I miss her and my siblings and I've only been away for 2 days lol. I'm glad that my sister is finally getting her own room and my little brother got my desk and chair. It's also so weird waking up in this new apartment... just living here with a friend of mine... crazy. Gotta get used to it faster lol. I'm thinking about drawing but I've got nothing in my mind rn... ughhh. I'm gonna keep lying down until my roommate goes to work so I can clean and vacuum 😴

Assuming this won't reach many, but... I might as well also use the journalling part of this site to yap. I am in a little bit of an art slump... I am hopeful that once I move out (September 1st) I will get motivated to draw again and... honestly motivation for everything again. I am also thinking and stressing about money and how I'm moving out. Thankfully, I am moving in with a friend and their mom will own the apartment, so they will understand if I am slightly late/not on the first... but I don't want that y'know... It also does not help that I worry for my mother and how I'll leave her with my siblings... UGH. Just a lot of worrying and allat. I also wanna get into commissions and/or like adopt stuffs but I don't even know where to start... I feel like if I started commissions it would completely ruin my love for doing art y'know.... Adopts are different though cuz I just draw a silly little creature and I throw it out there... I LOVE TO WORRY!

If you read this and have any advice on adopts, starting commissions, or getting out of an art slump then please share :)