Laptop is being stupid. u.u

LOL testing it out right now!!

https://new.livestream.com/accounts.....events/2094528
https://new.livestream.com/accounts.....events/2094528
https://new.livestream.com/accounts.....events/2094528
https://new.livestream.com/accounts.....events/2094528

Going to attempt my very first livestream ever.
Excited and nervous because it's my very first, and unfortunately I have no music to play.
So you will have to listen to you own. Because if I add audio my laptop freezes.

I am also nervous because my laptop sucks. It freezes for whatever reason.

But I will try my best to draw and have fun!!

It will be up in an hour. Because I am still trying to understand livestream. >u>;;


LATER GAIS. <3

That's right I need helps please!! -god I feel like a poor loser for asking-

So my dad got married back last November (after 10+ years of being divorced) to this beautiful lady back in the Philippines. She has a daughter and she calls me Ate/big sister ( Ate is suppose to mean the highest respect for an older sibling). So this year my dad is taking me for the first time, out of the country AND too meet my new little sister!! <33 GOD I AM EXCITE ALL OVER.

And I really want to buy them both presents (a couple actually)! I thought I would have a temporary job to make so kind of cash, but that is not the case. Everyone interview I went to wants me to have more experience (and here I thought at least 1 job in the past was better then nothing!!)


I want to at least buy them presents because they have sent me nice things in the mail in the past. So I want to return the favor!! ~~


Please, is anyone willing to help a fellow fur out! Even sharing this journal will help get me somewhat noticed!! I am leaving on Jun. 20th! SO I want to get them stuff before that week.

I want to /try/ and make somewhere near at least $150 $200 in 1 month so I can buy them lots of stuff. Because they have never been to America and I just want to shower them with stuff!! ;___; <3


I will accept any amount at this point. And will try to do a full body picture or whatever I can!!

I am just curious.
Is anyone on here in real life siblings?

I was wondering if you are, does that make you uncomfortable or no?
I have a brother who is a year younger then me, and he likes furry art and furry porn.
And in all honesty it doesn't bother me.
But I just wanted to see others opinions about if it makes them uncomfortable or not that they have a sibling who likes this too. ^^

Ugh my boyfriends mom is being a bitch.
And is threatening to kick me out of the house.
Every time they fight she throws me in it. I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING.
She's one of those people when shes wrong and has nothing to truly argue about
SHE'LL THROW IN ANYTHING SHE CAN TO WIN THE FIGHT. Even when it's nothing to do with the situation.

I have nowhere to go if she does that.
And I am so close to finishing college I have only 2 more semesters to go. I am scared that I won't be able to finish it.

I feel like dying inside.

Heartbroken. Despair. Sad.
Yet enlightened, freedom, like I escaped and can move on now...

I have so many mixed emotions right now.
I at points feel numb, and Like I don't exist. I feel lathargic right now.

But rather then go to sleep like i always do when I have high emotions,
I will try to cope with them by releasing them in my art...

In a few hours I will see the love of my life....
KAT VON D.
I have hardcore butterflies in my stomach.
Like I feel like vomiting my insides and die from happyness. <3
BRB crying inside.

yup yup I am doing a "pay what you can" thinga thing.
Don't worry, it won't end anytime soon!
Just wanted to let people know that.
I mean commissions are still on but this is too.
I mean I trust you guys.

I am raring to go guys. In the mean time I will see if I will do a live stream? If not it's because I didn't fully set it up. ;u;

But yeah! ~

is sad. So I will make arts for him.
Hopefully that will cheer him up?

And in the mean time, I will sketch a doodle page. And post it. c:
Hope all is well with everyone. ^^

just wanted to let people know. ^^

And when I get home tonight (and if not tonight tomorrow vafter class)
I have something to post for my dear friend Baggz aka  captainkeiji
and other things I have been working on. revamped some of my older characters.

It wasn't as bad as I thought.
Just avoided the porn aspect.
Just showed him the general stuff. xD

It's so cute.
Don't know the gender.
HOLY FUCK WAS IT CHEAP.
It's name is Godzilla (I call it Gojira).
I'm so ecstatic.
So I now have 3 lizards (2 leopard geckos, and my new Tegu) and 2 snakes (Ball Python and Redtail Boa).

I am so content right now. Like so happy. <3

So I have been wanting to make a 2rd fursona.
That makes 3 now.
(I have a persona, and 2 fursonas.
But you hardly will ever see my persona because it is personal and deeply dear to me.)

ANYWHO,

well I kinda wanted a generic dog sona for awhile.
SO, I now what she will be for now.

An Aussie-Husky mix. Plain and simple.
- She will have one Lavender eye, and one Pink (or Icey Gray eye).
- Her coat will consist of Lavender, Grey, Black, White, Blues (maybe a baby blue) and possibly pink somewhere in there.
- Fringe (like a scene kid frine) band and shoulder length hair
- Shorty stubby slightly curled tail (like a husky tail)

Bio: What happened was that my cat-reptilian-plant sona KuroKuro, was talking smack about dogs. So one day she wakes up and looks into the mirror and sees, SHE'S BEEN TURNED INTO A DOG. Luckily she's a cute little doggy girl. And she's a mutt too no less.

Designing as I write this. So, yea-up. Dogs. :U

Hahaha not that anyone on here really reads my journals. Just some people will. haha
But yeah, I am now 21.
Wooo
Not really doing anything though. :<
Wish I could get a nice picture from someone. haha ;w; ! !

Eventually I will post stuff that I think are worthy enough to post.
But as of right now, I am doing these.

1.) Working on my friends reference sheet for Keiji
2.) Designing my friends baby fur character
3.) Working on a fursuit prototype
4.) Working on making my very first BJD
5.) Practicing my realism more

yup this is what I am currently doing.


Also my birthday is in 5 days!! Feb. 28th!

Best friend of 4-5 year just tossed me aside and told me we're not best friends anymore
Just "good friends".
What?
What the hell is that suppose to mean?
Because I haven't really seen my friend for a couple of months,
This is what happens. And on top of that I got replaced.
And even worse, I got a tattoo sleeve dedicated to my "best friend".


I feel so numb and sick.

Pimpin out my GERMAN MASTER. WUT? Just kiddin. Or am I. ;D
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4003291/

Pew. Pew pew pew.

Yup going to do traditional badges from
$10 and up (+shipping with already)
They won't be laminated.
BUT.
They will come in the con-badges.

but first right now I already need to finish things
I owe my friends/commissioners.
And finish my homework.

So back to homework and commissions. c:

Yes yes. I have a habit of drawing extra stuff for my commissioners. Honestly I really can't help it. Sometimes it can be another picture, or a series of small pictures. I guess I get super happy when I get a commissioner and so to show them my gratitude I wind up doing extra stuff for them. Most of the time without them knowing until I show them it. Sometimes the pictures are colored sometimes their not. c:

So just letting people know, they'll most likely 99% of the time get extra pictures. And you can or don't have to tip me for it. I don't mind. It's completely up to the buyer.

And now on to a short-ish bio about me. Cause I feel pretty good sharing my personal information about myself. Because I've seen so many others share their stories on here.

My Bio/background:
My real name is Kayla, but in all honesty I prefer KuroKuro (yes both words). I also go by the name Kiki (but I prefer just my bestfriend kaimonster to call me that -inside thing-) I come from a poor ( and I highly mean poor background). I don't have a permanent home. My dad and I struggle to survive. We both live in my uncles basement, (with no windows ) for the past 4 years. The house is up for sale so people come in and out and check the place out to see if they want to buy it. Which sucks because they get to come into "my" room. ( I don't like strangers in my room taking pictures or seeing my stuff. It makes me paranoid.) So in move back and forth between my friends house to my boyfriends house or back to my uncles house (which I will stay there for anywhere from 1 week to a couple of months). So sometimes doing commissions or artwork in general is hard. Because sometimes I forget my art supplies at the other places I stay. Some people would think "wow how can you live like that. I would die blah blah blah". Well I have been doing this for almost all of my life (I'm 20 btw if you don't know). My family could never hold down own a home for more then 1-2 years. Sometimes my family had to live with their friends. Some have wondered why I haven't lived with other family members. Well this is why. I have been estranged from my mother and sisters for 10 years now. I hate her and my sisters very beings. They lie and cheat the government into giving them money. They live off of section 8 and these other things that they does NOT deserve. They're capable of working but choose for other people to pay for them through tax dollars. My /mother/ even got her boyfriend to lie and say he's disabled (mentally) he get's these checks like once a month from anywhere between $600-$800. My sister keeps having kids so she can get more money from them. And they usually move you into a bigger apartment/house and make you pay like less then $200 a month. And because of that not only does my mom side of the family hate us for that, they also hate us because we're mixed. So one whole side of my family is out of the question. And I am no where near close to my dad's side of the family. Even though I like them more then my moms side. So I am not only poor with a bad living arrangement, I also have the worse family ever. My mom smokes weed all day, lives off of section 8 and other things, refuses to get a job, and talks so much shit about everyone and everything. And does other horrible stuff besides that. She has never, not ONCE been a mother. So to this very day, I tell people I have no mother. My one sister is doing the exact same thing my /mother/ is doing. 'Cept she hates me to the point where she has /tried/ to kill me multiple times when we were younger. She still hates me to this very day. Has 3 kids by the same guy who has MULTIPLE FUCKING KIDS by different women. Just drinks alcohol a lot from what my little brother tells me. And as for the other sister. I don't even know how to explain her. She's a pothead (but a working one) and just likes to go out and party all the time and spend her money on vacations to the point where she lost her apartment and has to live with her dad. But that's a whole nother journal (which I won't do). I've also been homeless with my father and brother. But we stuck together and made it through. And I have doubts about my art. So I guess you can say I go through a lot? But I like to think that this is what will make me stronger.

All in all. The only family members I truly love, are my little brother and father. They have been their for 20 years of my life. We have been through hell and back. And I would never trade them for anything. Even my deepest desires.

But even though I go through this day in and out. And have felt no desire to live. I keep telling myself to hold on. I take deep breaths and exhale and tell myself "take one day at a time. Good things will eventually happen to you. You have gone through the darkness now. Now that you have that means I will go through the light. Good things will happen." And I also tell myself to never give up. I give myself goals to look forward to. To strive for what I want and believe in.

To be honest. Their is this one song that has always stuck by my side.
It's this song.
Nas - I can

Because of that song, I don't drink (cept Whiskey but I drink so rarely that I guess it doesn't even count), I don't do drugs (I wish I have never tried weed once, even to this day I still regret it) and I don't have sex.




So this is who I am... c:

Not going to lie almost had a heart attack.
Cried a bit cause I thought it was real.
Realized an hour later it was a virus cause it was asking for money and told me I had optimum when I have cablevision. And that it was watching me through my webcam/mic.
I don't have a webcam or a mic on my laptop. >>;;
Now I am in the process of getting rid of it.
I guess I should finish backing up my files and deleting a whole lot of things.
Probably will wipe out my whole computer and start from scratch. Always having
friggin problems with my laptop and viruses. -___-;;;


In the mean time, I will just doodle in my art book for a while.
-sigh-
First my phone breaks and I can /BARELY/ use it.
My laptop has viruses.
It friggin sucks so much. Because I don't have a to buy a new laptop, or get a new phone.

Going to take a stab at it. Never done it before.
I have many ideas.
And other things that are floating around in my head.

But first. I will finish these 2 reference sheet and paws for my lovelies.

Going to try, TRY and be positive.
Going to remain smiling and feeling good from now on.
I will try not to lash out at stupid people, and obvious things.
Will try and get rid of the negative things in life (wish I could get rid of my siblings and mother but alas I can not u.u)

So these are the major things I will do before College comes by to eliminate some of the stress.

1.) Get my license (first gotta take the 5 hour course)
2.) Get a car (getting a used Corvette no matter what old school though)
3.) Exercise instead of sleep when I get stressed out
4.) Go to a tattoo convention because I have never been to one
5.) Possibly get a job, because I will have a heart attack if my family does not leave me a lone about it.
6.) Get a new phone since kids destroyed mine

Yup my lesser goals for the rest of this summer is to do these things;

1. Get better at marker/colored pencil portraits
2. Black/white portraits
3. Cell shading
4. Painting (better at it)
5. Learn how to make a Fursuit head (just wanna see what it feels like to make one, probably just prototypes)
6. Get a job at my favorite store
7. Try and get an apprenticeship at a tattoo shop
8. Learn how to speed paint
9. Build up tattoo portfolio
10. Build up animation tutorial
11. Make small animations

---

This is the list of commissions I am working on.
No order to be exact.
Then when I am done with those, I am going to do some own personal art.
Commissions will still be open though.


Commissions:
1.  Jay-ote :Commission/paid: Coloring -halted (waiting for response) :3
2.  crowchimaera24 :Commission/paid: Outlining
3.  CaptainKeiji :Commission/paid: Sketching
4.  The-Enigma-Machine :trade: Redo skeetch
5. -open-

Personal Art:
1. Reference sheet for KuroKuro (Sphynx )
2. Reference sheet for KuroKuro ( Monster/Demon)
3. Design for Pippa (my snake boy who is human with snake qualities)
4. Design for Pasha (Jellypus)
5. Design for Tea Biscut
6. Design for Gijinka my leopard gecko Schnitze
7. ReDisgn Vita (My Chimera) going to either give her a hand/mouth for a tail. Not sure which one
8. Design for Babel
9. Design for Shark character, has no name
10. Design for Godzilla (Iguana )
11. kaikulee23's Hellhounds
12. Design for Wolffox
13. Design for BatBat
14. TALM art

That seems to be about it.
Other then I am going to start working on my ideas for my Comic and an animation.

AYFKM = Are you fucking kidding me

Great, to already have problems with my phone.
I let my best friends cousins see it.
They're 5 & 9.
I've seen them play with her phone and it survives.
But god forbid. I let them see my phone.
The screen doesn't want to work anymore.
Not only is the battery messed up, now I can't even use my phones screen.
It just goes completely black. And I can't get to my messages or take calls.
Plus my dad didn't put me on a warranty.

To make it even better the parents were told. But it's not like they cared enough.
They didn't even apologize to me. They had their kids do it.
But you know kids, they don't even mean it.

And now I am stuck with a broken phone and no warranty on it.
And my dad is not getting me another phone.