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May Update 2025
Posted 5 months agoSo its been a while (8 months) since I gave my last update on what's all been happening. So I figured it was well overdue for an update.
The house is still going through probate, but, good news is, I will be the owner of it. I am going to be getting the deed to the house. I wont go into massive details, but my sister is on the same page as me. (Only because I think she's tired and stressed and wants to be done with a lot of this. As do I. But I'm still doing a lot of things.)
I'm still at my job. I do not plan to leave any time soon, but if things keeping going as they are, I may look for another part time job. (Hours being cut does not help me when I'm living alone, and now going to be in charge of taking care of a house alone. I can not live on a minimum income from my job. I need the full, not the minimum.)
As for other things. I'm selling the camper my dad bought. Taking a huge hit on it, but I need to get rid of it, because its not doing me any favors sitting here and not being used. I do not know how to pull a camper and I have never pulled one before. I never was able to be taught.
In that same line up, I'm getting my breaks replaced on my truck, still no idea how much that will cost, but I'm expecting it to be over a thousand at least. Since they are not cheap.
Art wise? I haven't been doing as much art. But I'm working towards getting back into my groove. I recently bought some art books that will hopefully help me out with getting back on track. They are ones I need to use to learn some things, like how to draw proper creases in clothing and such.
I still miss my dad. I miss my mom too. Nothing has stopped hurting, but I'm learning to cope I guess? I hate not having someone here, because I do fall behind on a lot of things. Laundry, dishes, cleaning. My house is a mess and its because I do not fully hold myself accountable. I am working on it though! I have things that I am doing that are starting to help me learn and get into a good pace. Its taking me time, but I'm getting there!
I may not be doing as much art, but I have been taking pictures of flowers at work. I may share some of those here. I love taking pictures of beautiful flowers. So those may get posted soon. We'll see.
Outside of that, life is still life. I'm doing my best to get by every day. But it is not without a struggle. There are things I know I'm gonna be learning soon that I need to figure out. I just hope I can manage to stay on top of it.
Anyway, I have a doctors appointment today, and I hope it goes well. I've been on some new medication, that has been helping, plus I plan to tell my doctor about something I've started taking that has been helping as well.
Life keeps moving on. Slows down for no one, waits for no one. Keep on pushing you guys. We'll all make it, through rough patches and through storms. We can do it.
The house is still going through probate, but, good news is, I will be the owner of it. I am going to be getting the deed to the house. I wont go into massive details, but my sister is on the same page as me. (Only because I think she's tired and stressed and wants to be done with a lot of this. As do I. But I'm still doing a lot of things.)
I'm still at my job. I do not plan to leave any time soon, but if things keeping going as they are, I may look for another part time job. (Hours being cut does not help me when I'm living alone, and now going to be in charge of taking care of a house alone. I can not live on a minimum income from my job. I need the full, not the minimum.)
As for other things. I'm selling the camper my dad bought. Taking a huge hit on it, but I need to get rid of it, because its not doing me any favors sitting here and not being used. I do not know how to pull a camper and I have never pulled one before. I never was able to be taught.
In that same line up, I'm getting my breaks replaced on my truck, still no idea how much that will cost, but I'm expecting it to be over a thousand at least. Since they are not cheap.
Art wise? I haven't been doing as much art. But I'm working towards getting back into my groove. I recently bought some art books that will hopefully help me out with getting back on track. They are ones I need to use to learn some things, like how to draw proper creases in clothing and such.
I still miss my dad. I miss my mom too. Nothing has stopped hurting, but I'm learning to cope I guess? I hate not having someone here, because I do fall behind on a lot of things. Laundry, dishes, cleaning. My house is a mess and its because I do not fully hold myself accountable. I am working on it though! I have things that I am doing that are starting to help me learn and get into a good pace. Its taking me time, but I'm getting there!
I may not be doing as much art, but I have been taking pictures of flowers at work. I may share some of those here. I love taking pictures of beautiful flowers. So those may get posted soon. We'll see.
Outside of that, life is still life. I'm doing my best to get by every day. But it is not without a struggle. There are things I know I'm gonna be learning soon that I need to figure out. I just hope I can manage to stay on top of it.
Anyway, I have a doctors appointment today, and I hope it goes well. I've been on some new medication, that has been helping, plus I plan to tell my doctor about something I've started taking that has been helping as well.
Life keeps moving on. Slows down for no one, waits for no one. Keep on pushing you guys. We'll all make it, through rough patches and through storms. We can do it.
Finally Getting Back On My Feet | Help Still Appreciated
Posted a year agoSo its been months now since my dad passed away. And a lot of things are happening.
I still haven't gotten the house into probate yet, but I'm going to be work on in it.
I have a job again, that is full time.
I worked a solid week last week after two days of training.
And I've been sick two days this week which has me beyond paranoid. (I'm also in the midst of scheduling a doctors appointment to go get checked out.
I feel like absolute shit for missing work, mainly because I JUST got this job. And my body always does this during the first few weeks.
Ugh.
But I am also still doing a lot of art. So if anyone wants commissions, let me know.
I'm also now making keychains as well.
I still haven't gotten the house into probate yet, but I'm going to be work on in it.
I have a job again, that is full time.
I worked a solid week last week after two days of training.
And I've been sick two days this week which has me beyond paranoid. (I'm also in the midst of scheduling a doctors appointment to go get checked out.
I feel like absolute shit for missing work, mainly because I JUST got this job. And my body always does this during the first few weeks.
Ugh.
But I am also still doing a lot of art. So if anyone wants commissions, let me know.
I'm also now making keychains as well.
Sad news...
Posted a year agoI'm finally able to write this because I've just been...in shock and denial I think?
My dad, whom I had been taking care of, passed away on June 24th, 2024. He waited till me and my sister were both asleep before he finally passed in his sleep.
I dont know what is in store for me at this rate. I just know I'm hurting and I miss him.
My dad, whom I had been taking care of, passed away on June 24th, 2024. He waited till me and my sister were both asleep before he finally passed in his sleep.
I dont know what is in store for me at this rate. I just know I'm hurting and I miss him.
Always Tired | Still need Help | This sucks
Posted a year agoBeen a while since my last update.
Don't remember what all I said.
Dad is home.
But, with Hospice now.
We cant treat his cancer. And its spread to his liver already.
They gave him an estimate for four to six months. The cancer is going to win and I cant stop it. No one can.
I'm now his full time care taker. That was the only reason he could come home. Otherwise he'd of had to go into assisted living/nursing home. And he did not want that.
Yeah I'm just...so tired. I don't sleep much. I'm stressed out all the time. Its...hell.
I'm still accepting any and all help I can get. Please.
https://gofund.me/82df4ed6
https://ko-fi.com/thesmilegiver
Don't remember what all I said.
Dad is home.
But, with Hospice now.
We cant treat his cancer. And its spread to his liver already.
They gave him an estimate for four to six months. The cancer is going to win and I cant stop it. No one can.
I'm now his full time care taker. That was the only reason he could come home. Otherwise he'd of had to go into assisted living/nursing home. And he did not want that.
Yeah I'm just...so tired. I don't sleep much. I'm stressed out all the time. Its...hell.
I'm still accepting any and all help I can get. Please.
https://gofund.me/82df4ed6
https://ko-fi.com/thesmilegiver
Update News | Stressed Out
Posted a year agoSo I guess I should give an update. So sorry for how long or short this may end up being.
For those who know me, know the last two months have been absolute hell.
Dad had a colonoscopy at the end of February, we found out he has Colon Cancer.
The start of March, literally two days after his birthday, he had a stroke and fell at home.
Ended up with him in the ER that put into observation. He ended up with a brain bleed that was really screwing him up.
Off to Butterworth Hospital he went.
When he was released to Rehab, he was not doing good at all.
They then released him from rehab way too early. He was NOT ready to come home. (They released him because insurance stopped covering his stay. And but of course its America, where they don't give a shit if you are okay to go home. If you don't have the money to pay for the time without insurance its a big 'screw you'.) It was NOT the rehab places fault.)
Well he made it up the steps two steps into the house and fell.
Back to the hospital. Back to Butterworth Hospital again. And back to Rehab after.
Now...
Now we had no option.
My dad is on Hospice now. And while yes, I know people can graduate from Hospice, this may...this wont be the case.
He is not a candidate for Surgery for the Cancer. And his body is too weak to do anything to stop it or help it.
So he's on Hospice and I am now his Primary Care Giver.
I want people to understand. When I used to say I focused on my dad and I would miss work at various times for my dad. I now understand.
Chances are he had that cancer starting not soon after my mom passed away. And it got worse.
There is a mass in his liver as well.
So please be patient with me. I'm doing all I can to keep myself afloat. All the while taking care of my dad and providing the best care I can for him.
Tldr;
Dad has Cancer. We can't fight it. He's home with Hospice Care. (Which are known for End of Life Care.)
I'm his primary care giver now. I am not going to be prepared for what is to come.
For those who know me, know the last two months have been absolute hell.
Dad had a colonoscopy at the end of February, we found out he has Colon Cancer.
The start of March, literally two days after his birthday, he had a stroke and fell at home.
Ended up with him in the ER that put into observation. He ended up with a brain bleed that was really screwing him up.
Off to Butterworth Hospital he went.
When he was released to Rehab, he was not doing good at all.
They then released him from rehab way too early. He was NOT ready to come home. (They released him because insurance stopped covering his stay. And but of course its America, where they don't give a shit if you are okay to go home. If you don't have the money to pay for the time without insurance its a big 'screw you'.) It was NOT the rehab places fault.)
Well he made it up the steps two steps into the house and fell.
Back to the hospital. Back to Butterworth Hospital again. And back to Rehab after.
Now...
Now we had no option.
My dad is on Hospice now. And while yes, I know people can graduate from Hospice, this may...this wont be the case.
He is not a candidate for Surgery for the Cancer. And his body is too weak to do anything to stop it or help it.
So he's on Hospice and I am now his Primary Care Giver.
I want people to understand. When I used to say I focused on my dad and I would miss work at various times for my dad. I now understand.
Chances are he had that cancer starting not soon after my mom passed away. And it got worse.
There is a mass in his liver as well.
So please be patient with me. I'm doing all I can to keep myself afloat. All the while taking care of my dad and providing the best care I can for him.
Tldr;
Dad has Cancer. We can't fight it. He's home with Hospice Care. (Which are known for End of Life Care.)
I'm his primary care giver now. I am not going to be prepared for what is to come.
News... || Please Help
Posted a year agoWell the news I didn't want is finally on my doorstep.
My dad is not going to be able to fight this cancer or have it removed. Things are going downhill very fast and we were finally given a time frame.
He's coming home with Hospice. And yes, I know people can graduate from Hospice. But, I don't think that will be happening. He's weak, very weak.
He was given four to six months because we cant treat the cancer. He's not strong enough to endure anything for treatments.
But yeah.
I'm still in need to help pay for bills. Because we do not have money to keep up with everything.
https://gofund.me/53b2596a
https://ko-fi.com/thesmilegiver
I am taking emergency commissions and will get them out as soon as I can.
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8509896/
My dad is not going to be able to fight this cancer or have it removed. Things are going downhill very fast and we were finally given a time frame.
He's coming home with Hospice. And yes, I know people can graduate from Hospice. But, I don't think that will be happening. He's weak, very weak.
He was given four to six months because we cant treat the cancer. He's not strong enough to endure anything for treatments.
But yeah.
I'm still in need to help pay for bills. Because we do not have money to keep up with everything.
https://gofund.me/53b2596a
https://ko-fi.com/thesmilegiver
I am taking emergency commissions and will get them out as soon as I can.
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8509896/
Too much | Please Help
Posted a year agoToo much has been happening. Too much is going on. Too much on my plate.
My dad fell last month due to a stroke. He's been in and out of the hospital and rehab.
Dates go as follows.
Dad's birthday was March 2nd.
Dad fell due to a stroke on March 5th. Note, he's on Blood Thinners.
-ER showed nothing on the CT Scan.
-Dad was put into observation in the hospital.
-March 6, he started slurring and not able to move properly.
-Another CT Scan was done that showed bleeding in the brain.
Dad was transported to Butterworth Hospital that has an MRI Machine on March 7.
Dad was between two major floors. The Neurology Floor and the Hearth Center Floor.
-I seen him on both floors. Let me tell you its scary seeing all the wires hooked to his head to read any changes in the brain.
Dad was released to Rehab on March 20th.
Dad did not make proper progress.
Dad was sent home from from rehab, April 12th. A bad discharge home.
Dad did not get up the steps to the house alone. Dad fell in the doorway.
Dad went back into the ER April 12th.
Dad was taken back to Butterworth on April 15th. They need to do another MRI due to numbness in the head on his right side. They think he had another stroke.
Dad has an MRI set up for April 17th (Day of making this post.)
Dad is to be released back to Rehab once they find out the results.
Oh and the real kicker that is stressing me out?
Prior his stroke and fall?
We found out my dad has Cancer. Colon Cancer.
We found that out a week and a half before he fell.
We have absolutely no idea what state the cancer is at. It could be terminal with limited time, or it could be something he may be able to fight for a year. (He's not eligible to have surgery. So it is going to spread.)
I'm doing the best I can. I really am.
I've been stressed to the point I have stress sickness and its making it harder for me to get around currently. Which is making my depression worse as well.
I'm being slammed with bills I cant pay right now with my dad unable to help transfer funds. (Not that we even have the money. We are on a fixed income till I can get paperwork to be paid to be his caregiver. But I cant even set up a payment plan yet until I can afford to make the first payment itself.)
I have a gofundme up.
Normally I will never dox my dad like this, but we are in a really bad tight spot right now and we desperately need help to make ends meet.
Before I had posted about needing funds for that ramp, and I never got any help nor anyone caring to help try and get ramp, so that is probably what helped led to this point.
We will soon be getting -more- medical bills, plus the rehab bills.
Please. Please help if you can.
There is a gofundme and I will link my ko-fi.
If you donate anything let me know, I will do art as a thank you.
I'm just truly desperate at this point.
This time last month I thought my dad was dying in front of me. So please, please help if you can.
https://gofund.me/53b2596a
https://ko-fi.com/thesmilegiver
My dad fell last month due to a stroke. He's been in and out of the hospital and rehab.
Dates go as follows.
Dad's birthday was March 2nd.
Dad fell due to a stroke on March 5th. Note, he's on Blood Thinners.
-ER showed nothing on the CT Scan.
-Dad was put into observation in the hospital.
-March 6, he started slurring and not able to move properly.
-Another CT Scan was done that showed bleeding in the brain.
Dad was transported to Butterworth Hospital that has an MRI Machine on March 7.
Dad was between two major floors. The Neurology Floor and the Hearth Center Floor.
-I seen him on both floors. Let me tell you its scary seeing all the wires hooked to his head to read any changes in the brain.
Dad was released to Rehab on March 20th.
Dad did not make proper progress.
Dad was sent home from from rehab, April 12th. A bad discharge home.
Dad did not get up the steps to the house alone. Dad fell in the doorway.
Dad went back into the ER April 12th.
Dad was taken back to Butterworth on April 15th. They need to do another MRI due to numbness in the head on his right side. They think he had another stroke.
Dad has an MRI set up for April 17th (Day of making this post.)
Dad is to be released back to Rehab once they find out the results.
Oh and the real kicker that is stressing me out?
Prior his stroke and fall?
We found out my dad has Cancer. Colon Cancer.
We found that out a week and a half before he fell.
We have absolutely no idea what state the cancer is at. It could be terminal with limited time, or it could be something he may be able to fight for a year. (He's not eligible to have surgery. So it is going to spread.)
I'm doing the best I can. I really am.
I've been stressed to the point I have stress sickness and its making it harder for me to get around currently. Which is making my depression worse as well.
I'm being slammed with bills I cant pay right now with my dad unable to help transfer funds. (Not that we even have the money. We are on a fixed income till I can get paperwork to be paid to be his caregiver. But I cant even set up a payment plan yet until I can afford to make the first payment itself.)
I have a gofundme up.
Normally I will never dox my dad like this, but we are in a really bad tight spot right now and we desperately need help to make ends meet.
Before I had posted about needing funds for that ramp, and I never got any help nor anyone caring to help try and get ramp, so that is probably what helped led to this point.
We will soon be getting -more- medical bills, plus the rehab bills.
Please. Please help if you can.
There is a gofundme and I will link my ko-fi.
If you donate anything let me know, I will do art as a thank you.
I'm just truly desperate at this point.
This time last month I thought my dad was dying in front of me. So please, please help if you can.
https://gofund.me/53b2596a
https://ko-fi.com/thesmilegiver
Emergency Commission Slots! PLEASE READ!
Posted a year agoLast month my dad took a really bad fall that ended up with him not only in the ER, but then in the hospital where they discovered a brain bleed. He was in the hospital for two and a half weeks and has now been in rehab for three weeks.
I want him to be safe when he comes home and he may need a wheelchair to help get him around a bit.
We do not have the funds right now (especially with the incoming hospital bill and rehab bill I know we will be getting...) to pay for a ramp I need to get for him.
Because he is to be discharged this Friday and I do not currently have a job as to I work to take care of him. I'm his primary care giver as of right now till we can work out other options. So money income is based off him and we truly can not afford something I need to get for his safety.
I'm trying to get enough money for this:
https://www.amazon.com/Wheelchair-g.....e4&pf_rd_p=568f3b6b-5aad-4bfd-98ee-d827f03151e4&pf_rd_r=MB62NDSEXJ77XTF9NCVJ&pd_rd_wg=ocDL1&pd_rd_r=fef4ddbf-8e6c-490b-a417-64c0c64fdaed&pd_rd_i=B09YR85KXW&th=1
Yes long link but its linked to amazon for a portal ramp to use on stairs and so forth. I need to get this for him. So please, if anyone can help, please.
This is not just me trying to get money. But me desperately trying to get something to help my dad who is coming home this Friday.
My prices:
Sketches $10 Single $8 per added Character
Line Art $15 Single $8 per added Character
Color $25 Single $15 Per added Character
I do chibis mostly so please specify if you want normal or chibi.
https://ko-fi.com/thesmilegiver
Please, please help out if you can.
I have a pretty decent turn around rate, and will get work done as soon as possible. Usually within one to two days.
I want him to be safe when he comes home and he may need a wheelchair to help get him around a bit.
We do not have the funds right now (especially with the incoming hospital bill and rehab bill I know we will be getting...) to pay for a ramp I need to get for him.
Because he is to be discharged this Friday and I do not currently have a job as to I work to take care of him. I'm his primary care giver as of right now till we can work out other options. So money income is based off him and we truly can not afford something I need to get for his safety.
I'm trying to get enough money for this:
https://www.amazon.com/Wheelchair-g.....e4&pf_rd_p
Yes long link but its linked to amazon for a portal ramp to use on stairs and so forth. I need to get this for him. So please, if anyone can help, please.
This is not just me trying to get money. But me desperately trying to get something to help my dad who is coming home this Friday.
My prices:
Sketches $10 Single $8 per added Character
Line Art $15 Single $8 per added Character
Color $25 Single $15 Per added Character
I do chibis mostly so please specify if you want normal or chibi.
https://ko-fi.com/thesmilegiver
Please, please help out if you can.
I have a pretty decent turn around rate, and will get work done as soon as possible. Usually within one to two days.
Another Birthday :D
Posted 2 years agoToday was my birthday and all I can say, was it was a good one.
Still on my job hunt, but happy none the less.
Figured I'd post an update.
Still on my job hunt, but happy none the less.
Figured I'd post an update.
Wonder where my journey will lead me
Posted 2 years agoSo as of this past Wednesday, I was fired from my job. It was due to sick days and such and I had called in to look after my dad and all that jazz. (WHICH they should of NEVER pointed me for! They fired me cuz of my last point being from a call in with my dad for an emergency when he fell.)
Not sure if its worth fighting at this point. I'm sick and tired of them treating me like shit at times.
Mind you, the work place is not bad. The management is lacking though. Especially since the one manager lied flat out to my face on more then one occasion. Which I WILL be reporting to the union. I just don't have the shit dated and logged for when it happened.
But yeah, so right now I'm waiting to hear back from the union.
I dont know where I will be going should this fall through.
I'm just...I dont know. I'm done. I'm sick of everything at this point.
To be honest?
Yes I've already thought of a dark path. I wont use the word to avoid triggers. But I'm sure you all know what I mean when I say that.
The only thing(s) truly keeping me from doing anything of that nature? There is no one here but me to help my dad. My sister is constantly busy with work and her own family. Plus she's still avoiding the fact that mom died. She'd putting so much on her own shoulders in blame that doesn't even need to be there. Plus I know if I did follow through, she'd probably end up in a hospital. She's not one to take death easily.
I dont know. Just so much going on, but at the same time so little.
I'm pissed off, scared, worried, sick, and just want to not exist anymore. But I dont have that luxury nor nerve to do anything about it.
My job was ripped from right under me, and now they have two workers (new guys) that just wanna be on their phones all night.
I'm working on art and will probably do some halloween themed commissions soon to try and get some income since they fired me in the middle of the week and I wont get my full weeks pay.
Bear with me everyone. I'm a mess right now mentally, and I'm trying to figure out where to go from here.
Even if I do get my job back, I still have to deal with the managers that wanted me gone. Its just a mess.
Not sure if its worth fighting at this point. I'm sick and tired of them treating me like shit at times.
Mind you, the work place is not bad. The management is lacking though. Especially since the one manager lied flat out to my face on more then one occasion. Which I WILL be reporting to the union. I just don't have the shit dated and logged for when it happened.
But yeah, so right now I'm waiting to hear back from the union.
I dont know where I will be going should this fall through.
I'm just...I dont know. I'm done. I'm sick of everything at this point.
To be honest?
Yes I've already thought of a dark path. I wont use the word to avoid triggers. But I'm sure you all know what I mean when I say that.
The only thing(s) truly keeping me from doing anything of that nature? There is no one here but me to help my dad. My sister is constantly busy with work and her own family. Plus she's still avoiding the fact that mom died. She'd putting so much on her own shoulders in blame that doesn't even need to be there. Plus I know if I did follow through, she'd probably end up in a hospital. She's not one to take death easily.
I dont know. Just so much going on, but at the same time so little.
I'm pissed off, scared, worried, sick, and just want to not exist anymore. But I dont have that luxury nor nerve to do anything about it.
My job was ripped from right under me, and now they have two workers (new guys) that just wanna be on their phones all night.
I'm working on art and will probably do some halloween themed commissions soon to try and get some income since they fired me in the middle of the week and I wont get my full weeks pay.
Bear with me everyone. I'm a mess right now mentally, and I'm trying to figure out where to go from here.
Even if I do get my job back, I still have to deal with the managers that wanted me gone. Its just a mess.
Kind of annoyed
Posted 2 years agoI'm just gonna throw out some thoughts I have. Because I've been bottling a lot up lately. And after some stress of the last few days, I'm kinda at my wits end.
I'm on a small vacation right now, today being the last day of it.
My dad always seems to end up in the hospital, or ER during my vacations. And again, this time was no exception. He got brought in the er, and ended up having to stay overnight at the hospital.
Needless to say I've been stressed out. Because this happens anytime I take time off. And its driving me up a damned wall.
The other thing that is killin me right now?
I'm attempting to make a TOS for my artwork. Why? Because I have been hearing people talking very poorly about those who have commissions constantly open, with no TOS. (For those who don't know that abbreviation, its Terms of Service.)
I know its not directly aimed at me, but still it kinda hurt to hear them talking down on people. And while I respect and accept that things happen and there -are- those who do this stuff to scam? I'm not apart of it.
I don't have a wait list yet. I don't have thirty plus people waiting for art from me. I haven't made people wait six months to one year.
I tend to have a fast turn out rate. Usually, if the commissioner is responsive of me sending wips and/or screenshots? I can tend to get art done from sketch to color within two days.
I've gotten better at sending a screenshot wip first, to make sure they are happy with it.
I'm still learning things but have truly learned a lot on being the one who makes the commission. Unless I'm given artist freedom.
But yeah, I'm working on a TOS. And I may end up closing commissions and opening them once a month. Because this person who said such things, has a rather large fanbase, so people will listen to what they say regardless if there people like me out here who don't try to scam or put someone on a list for months upon months at a time.
I guess I'm just a bit burnt out. Because I also understand as an artist who does commissions, that I should be better with knowing to have a TOS set up. But to hear one of the 'bigger' artists who has a wait list and all that say "avoid people who have their commissions open all the time" that hurts someone like me whose a smaller time artist. My commissions ARE always open. Because I will take them anytime I can get them. I'm not popular. I don't have high demanded art like a lot of people. (NO, this is not a damned pity part. I'm literally stating the truth of the matter. Take it as you will.) It just really sucks, cuz people will take that and when they come across my art and see I don't have a TOS or a wait list? They will just skim right on over me. THIS is why it bothers me.
I'm on a small vacation right now, today being the last day of it.
My dad always seems to end up in the hospital, or ER during my vacations. And again, this time was no exception. He got brought in the er, and ended up having to stay overnight at the hospital.
Needless to say I've been stressed out. Because this happens anytime I take time off. And its driving me up a damned wall.
The other thing that is killin me right now?
I'm attempting to make a TOS for my artwork. Why? Because I have been hearing people talking very poorly about those who have commissions constantly open, with no TOS. (For those who don't know that abbreviation, its Terms of Service.)
I know its not directly aimed at me, but still it kinda hurt to hear them talking down on people. And while I respect and accept that things happen and there -are- those who do this stuff to scam? I'm not apart of it.
I don't have a wait list yet. I don't have thirty plus people waiting for art from me. I haven't made people wait six months to one year.
I tend to have a fast turn out rate. Usually, if the commissioner is responsive of me sending wips and/or screenshots? I can tend to get art done from sketch to color within two days.
I've gotten better at sending a screenshot wip first, to make sure they are happy with it.
I'm still learning things but have truly learned a lot on being the one who makes the commission. Unless I'm given artist freedom.
But yeah, I'm working on a TOS. And I may end up closing commissions and opening them once a month. Because this person who said such things, has a rather large fanbase, so people will listen to what they say regardless if there people like me out here who don't try to scam or put someone on a list for months upon months at a time.
I guess I'm just a bit burnt out. Because I also understand as an artist who does commissions, that I should be better with knowing to have a TOS set up. But to hear one of the 'bigger' artists who has a wait list and all that say "avoid people who have their commissions open all the time" that hurts someone like me whose a smaller time artist. My commissions ARE always open. Because I will take them anytime I can get them. I'm not popular. I don't have high demanded art like a lot of people. (NO, this is not a damned pity part. I'm literally stating the truth of the matter. Take it as you will.) It just really sucks, cuz people will take that and when they come across my art and see I don't have a TOS or a wait list? They will just skim right on over me. THIS is why it bothers me.
Goodness where does the time go!?
Posted 2 years agoIts been long nine months since I posted a journal here last. But I do figure its worth another update.
As you all know, I had quit my job at Meijer last year. Due to all the neglect from management, right up to the other cashiers acting like shit wasn't being done. I had enough of it.
During my time away, I did manage to get another job. Well two actually.
I worked at Pizza Ranch for a whole solid ass day. Found out that job is NOT for me. (I don't do well in food industries. Especially with few breaks and being on your feet the entire shift.
I then worked at Sams club for a few months. This was nice till it wasn't. I'm not a daytime person and I ended up on second shift. Mind you, I will state this right now. I HATE second shift. I also dont like first shift. I AM a night owl. But the people I worked with were amazing.
But I'm back on third shift. Where? Funnily enough, Meijer Gas Station. I'm back on thirds and have been since before Christmas. I know I was away from Meijer for over three months so I got the whole "new employee" thing. Though I've been with Meijer for 11 years now.
So yeah, a lot has happened. I'm still mourning the loss of my mom, and dealing with my dad and his acceptance of having to learn he's not gonna be in the shape he was in years ago. Its a long process but I am handling it relatively well. Or so I think I am at least.
But hey here we are.
My commissions are always open so feel free to hit me up with a whisper.
If you wish to try and reach out to me via other methods, best way to get me is my Discord, TheSmileGiver
IF I accept it, please state who you are when I ask. Because I DO block people who randomly add me. I just got done dealing with someone trying to scam me from Steam. (Which funny enough, I don't have my discord posted there! So I know damn well it was a scam. And yes, the mods confirmed it too.)
I'm also still playing WoW, so you will still continue to see art of me drawing my main, Aqua Duskwell.
Not a whole lot to really say here. Life has been slow and progressing. Things are still a challenge and I'm working through them.
As you all know, I had quit my job at Meijer last year. Due to all the neglect from management, right up to the other cashiers acting like shit wasn't being done. I had enough of it.
During my time away, I did manage to get another job. Well two actually.
I worked at Pizza Ranch for a whole solid ass day. Found out that job is NOT for me. (I don't do well in food industries. Especially with few breaks and being on your feet the entire shift.
I then worked at Sams club for a few months. This was nice till it wasn't. I'm not a daytime person and I ended up on second shift. Mind you, I will state this right now. I HATE second shift. I also dont like first shift. I AM a night owl. But the people I worked with were amazing.
But I'm back on third shift. Where? Funnily enough, Meijer Gas Station. I'm back on thirds and have been since before Christmas. I know I was away from Meijer for over three months so I got the whole "new employee" thing. Though I've been with Meijer for 11 years now.
So yeah, a lot has happened. I'm still mourning the loss of my mom, and dealing with my dad and his acceptance of having to learn he's not gonna be in the shape he was in years ago. Its a long process but I am handling it relatively well. Or so I think I am at least.
But hey here we are.
My commissions are always open so feel free to hit me up with a whisper.
If you wish to try and reach out to me via other methods, best way to get me is my Discord, TheSmileGiver
IF I accept it, please state who you are when I ask. Because I DO block people who randomly add me. I just got done dealing with someone trying to scam me from Steam. (Which funny enough, I don't have my discord posted there! So I know damn well it was a scam. And yes, the mods confirmed it too.)
I'm also still playing WoW, so you will still continue to see art of me drawing my main, Aqua Duskwell.
Not a whole lot to really say here. Life has been slow and progressing. Things are still a challenge and I'm working through them.
Time for another update and emergency commissions are ope...
Posted 3 years agoAs the title states, its time for another update.
Many of you who may know me, will know I have worked at a place called Meijer for the last 11 years. The place has gone down hill SEVERELY in the last few years. I have not enjoyed working there for at least the last three years. Due to the covid shit happening and the shift in management. I have -hated- it there. But there is the stress I couldn't get out because I needed another job first. Well, lets just say they finally did it and pushed me to my breaking point this week.
I quit on Monday night. Lets just say, my mental health reached a breaking point and I wanted out faster then I could get out.
And with things still needing to be paid for, I need to think fast on getting more work.
Until then, I am opening up commissions for chibis and headshots.
Chibi's:
Color $20 $15 Per added Character
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48064784/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/47060613/
Busts/Headshots:
$12 Color
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48063909/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/47839112/
Many of you who may know me, will know I have worked at a place called Meijer for the last 11 years. The place has gone down hill SEVERELY in the last few years. I have not enjoyed working there for at least the last three years. Due to the covid shit happening and the shift in management. I have -hated- it there. But there is the stress I couldn't get out because I needed another job first. Well, lets just say they finally did it and pushed me to my breaking point this week.
I quit on Monday night. Lets just say, my mental health reached a breaking point and I wanted out faster then I could get out.
And with things still needing to be paid for, I need to think fast on getting more work.
Until then, I am opening up commissions for chibis and headshots.
Chibi's:
Color $20 $15 Per added Character
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48064784/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/47060613/
Busts/Headshots:
$12 Color
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48063909/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/47839112/
An update worth giving
Posted 3 years agoI think I am very long...overdue for an update.
So...this past Christmas, my mother passed away. She had just had her birthday on the 5th of the month. And when I say Christmas? Yes...she passed...on Christmas Day. December 25, 2021.
Its why I've been away from the online activities as much as I have been. I still play WoW and stuff, but I've been very inactive places. Trying to update when I can. But not making it a priority to update.
My dads health has gone down dramatically. Due to the depression, and stress of loosing his wife. Plus he came down with Covid, and has been having post symptoms since it. And I'm doing my best now to help him.
Things are...very rough right now, and I'm doing my best to keep my dad moving forward.
So...this past Christmas, my mother passed away. She had just had her birthday on the 5th of the month. And when I say Christmas? Yes...she passed...on Christmas Day. December 25, 2021.
Its why I've been away from the online activities as much as I have been. I still play WoW and stuff, but I've been very inactive places. Trying to update when I can. But not making it a priority to update.
My dads health has gone down dramatically. Due to the depression, and stress of loosing his wife. Plus he came down with Covid, and has been having post symptoms since it. And I'm doing my best now to help him.
Things are...very rough right now, and I'm doing my best to keep my dad moving forward.
Please help out
Posted 4 years agohttps://gofund.me/a9c06de5
Guys, if you can please help out my friend. She is going to be having surgery this week and they really need help! So please, every bit counts!
Guys, if you can please help out my friend. She is going to be having surgery this week and they really need help! So please, every bit counts!
End of July Update
Posted 4 years agoOkay so this is time for another update since I seen how outdated the last one was.
I'll try to take this in stages to address things.
Work:
Part Time Again. I had tried to go back to full time. I would of stayed, had I not been lied to. I was told I was given full time status and they lied. They scheduled me full time hours but left me at part time. So anyone they hired in as full time, was put above me. Before I could go after the manager responsible for it, they quit.
So I am now part time again.
I have three days off a week and I dont plan to change that.
Family:
Dad is doing okay. After his two week hospital visit last month I believe it was, or the month before, time is going so fast I cant remember dates. The infection he got? Was because of his covid shot. People that have heart conditions are at high risk to get infections and nearly die from it. My dad almost did die. All because of the vaccine.
Gaming life:
I'm still playing the fuck outta WoW. I have made Aqua Duskwell my main. So prepare to see lots of art of her.
I'll try to take this in stages to address things.
Work:
Part Time Again. I had tried to go back to full time. I would of stayed, had I not been lied to. I was told I was given full time status and they lied. They scheduled me full time hours but left me at part time. So anyone they hired in as full time, was put above me. Before I could go after the manager responsible for it, they quit.
So I am now part time again.
I have three days off a week and I dont plan to change that.
Family:
Dad is doing okay. After his two week hospital visit last month I believe it was, or the month before, time is going so fast I cant remember dates. The infection he got? Was because of his covid shot. People that have heart conditions are at high risk to get infections and nearly die from it. My dad almost did die. All because of the vaccine.
Gaming life:
I'm still playing the fuck outta WoW. I have made Aqua Duskwell my main. So prepare to see lots of art of her.
Here's an update (kinda important)
Posted 4 years agoSorry for my lack of activity here you guys. Well for those who actually keep updated and all with me as it is.
A lot has been happening in my life lately and I'm getting very overwhelmed.
So where do we start.
I am back to full time at my job. Despite I said I wouldn't go back, I do need the money. So here I am. Full time again. Meaning I am back to only two days off a week. Hence why art has been VERY slow on my end.
My parents are selling our cabin. And they made a mistake to sign the papers to have us have our stuff out in two weeks. Now while to most that doesn't sound that bad right? Two weeks? Not bad at all!
Problem being, our cabin is an hour and a half drive away, I couldn't get off work the first week so I wasn't able to do ANYTHING to help the first week. I had to struggle to get THIS week off in order to help move. (Literally, I had to struggle. I dont think if I wouldn't of gone to my union for advice, that I would of been able to get it off.)
Okay still not that bad right? WRONG.
We have not just the house, but two barns to go through. While no they are note HUGE barns, they still have a lot of junk in them!
I'm not willing to loose all the fishing supplies and stuff that was actually -mine-. Small story for as to why. Back when I was a child and I wanted my -own- fishing equipment, my dad always told me no. Because he had so much fishing stuff. But was I ever able to access it? No. So now that I have the ability to be the one to save it and keep it, I'm going to, and there is no stopping me.
Now me and my dad are struggling. Because guess what? The help I was gonna ask for from my sister? I cant now because her and her family are now on quarantine because they were exposed to Covid. Despite my sister and brother-in-law both having been vaccinated already, we cant risk it with my parents because they are high risk.
Which brings on the next part. My dad can not get around like he once did. He needs a cane to get around and his 'pride' makes him hate it. When we went up the last few times to pack up, we could only do like 4 hours and then had to come home. Again I'm third shift, so the first day we went up, was when I got outta work at 6:30am. I worked all night and had to come home only to turn around and do the drive up.
This is where its shitty. I'm now recovered and have had a whole day off (Sunday) to relax and get my energy back. Oh but whats this? I cant go up north. Why? Because I discovered I have a massive cavity in my back tooth. A big ol hole in it that has been causing me so much pain, I have been unable to properly sleep the last two nights.
So today I'm going in for an exam to see what can be done about it.
Meaning I now loose another day to be up north and packing things up.
BUT bright side, my best friend and her boyfriend said they'd go up and help me tomorrow on Tuesday. We'll see how that goes.
But yeah. A lot of shit has been happening. My mental health is -not- okay but I cant do jack shit to fix it right now.
I was on the suicide thought path a week ago, and while I did not act on it, it still scares me that I was literally right back at that thought process. I need to get help. I cant get help. America fucking sucks.
People dont understand mental health. They think its all a joke. Its not. I dont know where to go to even begin to get help because people in this country dont want to help you. The older generations just go "its all in your head" or "well back in my day we didn't have all this stuff, we just worked through it" <- LITERALLY what my parents have told me.
So yeah. I'm struggling right now. I'm at a loss for what to do to help myself anymore.
A lot has been happening in my life lately and I'm getting very overwhelmed.
So where do we start.
I am back to full time at my job. Despite I said I wouldn't go back, I do need the money. So here I am. Full time again. Meaning I am back to only two days off a week. Hence why art has been VERY slow on my end.
My parents are selling our cabin. And they made a mistake to sign the papers to have us have our stuff out in two weeks. Now while to most that doesn't sound that bad right? Two weeks? Not bad at all!
Problem being, our cabin is an hour and a half drive away, I couldn't get off work the first week so I wasn't able to do ANYTHING to help the first week. I had to struggle to get THIS week off in order to help move. (Literally, I had to struggle. I dont think if I wouldn't of gone to my union for advice, that I would of been able to get it off.)
Okay still not that bad right? WRONG.
We have not just the house, but two barns to go through. While no they are note HUGE barns, they still have a lot of junk in them!
I'm not willing to loose all the fishing supplies and stuff that was actually -mine-. Small story for as to why. Back when I was a child and I wanted my -own- fishing equipment, my dad always told me no. Because he had so much fishing stuff. But was I ever able to access it? No. So now that I have the ability to be the one to save it and keep it, I'm going to, and there is no stopping me.
Now me and my dad are struggling. Because guess what? The help I was gonna ask for from my sister? I cant now because her and her family are now on quarantine because they were exposed to Covid. Despite my sister and brother-in-law both having been vaccinated already, we cant risk it with my parents because they are high risk.
Which brings on the next part. My dad can not get around like he once did. He needs a cane to get around and his 'pride' makes him hate it. When we went up the last few times to pack up, we could only do like 4 hours and then had to come home. Again I'm third shift, so the first day we went up, was when I got outta work at 6:30am. I worked all night and had to come home only to turn around and do the drive up.
This is where its shitty. I'm now recovered and have had a whole day off (Sunday) to relax and get my energy back. Oh but whats this? I cant go up north. Why? Because I discovered I have a massive cavity in my back tooth. A big ol hole in it that has been causing me so much pain, I have been unable to properly sleep the last two nights.
So today I'm going in for an exam to see what can be done about it.
Meaning I now loose another day to be up north and packing things up.
BUT bright side, my best friend and her boyfriend said they'd go up and help me tomorrow on Tuesday. We'll see how that goes.
But yeah. A lot of shit has been happening. My mental health is -not- okay but I cant do jack shit to fix it right now.
I was on the suicide thought path a week ago, and while I did not act on it, it still scares me that I was literally right back at that thought process. I need to get help. I cant get help. America fucking sucks.
People dont understand mental health. They think its all a joke. Its not. I dont know where to go to even begin to get help because people in this country dont want to help you. The older generations just go "its all in your head" or "well back in my day we didn't have all this stuff, we just worked through it" <- LITERALLY what my parents have told me.
So yeah. I'm struggling right now. I'm at a loss for what to do to help myself anymore.
Finally! New Paypal.me Link!
Posted 5 years agoAfter hashing it out with several different Paypal Agents/Representatives, I was finally able to get my paypal.me reset.
Paypal.me/TheSmileGiver
FINALLY~
Paypal.me/TheSmileGiver
FINALLY~
Requests 3/3 Slots Closed
Posted 5 years agoI truly need something to do to get my art mind going.
So i'm gonna open up 3 requests.
1.
Chuchianci
2.
thefoxprince11
3.
Natashaarts
So i'm gonna open up 3 requests.
1.
Chuchianci2.
thefoxprince113.
NatashaartsBeen a while
Posted 5 years agoSo it has been a while since I made a journal. Because my last one was of my dog. But I do suppose I should give an update now.
Yes I'm still mentally hurting after loosing my dog. She will be greatly missed, but I know she had a good life and I'm okay with that.
Onto other news that has been happening.
I officially have stepped back down to part time at work. Compromised with my boss to get a four day work week and I'm okay with it.
In all honesty I think its what I will need and I'm happy for it. I need to step back and start thinking about myself for once. I've been doing this so much for others. Wanting to be helpful at work, wanting to do more and have more money.
But...it's just not worth it. I cant keep doing it. I had to step away.
People think I'm lying or that I'm making excuses when I say that I have been doing this on purpose. I haven't. I smile on the outside but inside I have been a mess. I've cried more from break downs this year then I think I have in the last two years combined.
The stress has caught up with me. And its breaking me down. Thus I need to reconsider my options right now.
But overall yes I'm part time again. Its not gonna be that big of a hit financially, as to I have already been planning my bills out to be shorter a day of pay then before. :)
I'm also getting back into art, and highly encourage commissions. ^^
I have two main fursonas now. Vexi and Aura. They are both literally me.
Cas is retired to an OC status.
Yes I'm still mentally hurting after loosing my dog. She will be greatly missed, but I know she had a good life and I'm okay with that.
Onto other news that has been happening.
I officially have stepped back down to part time at work. Compromised with my boss to get a four day work week and I'm okay with it.
In all honesty I think its what I will need and I'm happy for it. I need to step back and start thinking about myself for once. I've been doing this so much for others. Wanting to be helpful at work, wanting to do more and have more money.
But...it's just not worth it. I cant keep doing it. I had to step away.
People think I'm lying or that I'm making excuses when I say that I have been doing this on purpose. I haven't. I smile on the outside but inside I have been a mess. I've cried more from break downs this year then I think I have in the last two years combined.
The stress has caught up with me. And its breaking me down. Thus I need to reconsider my options right now.
But overall yes I'm part time again. Its not gonna be that big of a hit financially, as to I have already been planning my bills out to be shorter a day of pay then before. :)
I'm also getting back into art, and highly encourage commissions. ^^
I have two main fursonas now. Vexi and Aura. They are both literally me.
Cas is retired to an OC status.
Sad news
Posted 5 years agoPeople wonder why I have been so snippy, short tempered and on the brink of tears all week.
For those who aren't close enough to be trusted to know, I had to put my dog down this past Monday.
For those of you who just go 'oh it was just a dog' screw you. Get the hell off my page. Because I wont tolerate it.
On Monday January 20th, I had to put my little dog Miah down.
Honestly we waited too long. That poor dog probably was suffering more then she'd been living.
I was the one that held her through it all.
This was my first time experiencing the loss of a pet first hand. I'd never been present when the others were put down.
But Miah was my dog. She was MY dog. Yes she was a daddies girl and loved my dad, but she had always been my dog.
I do not grieve well and I sure as hell am having a hard time doing so.
Every day this week I have literally started to sob my eyes out because my dog is no longer home. Coming home to not having my dog here is something I'm not used to.
I grew up in a home where we always, ALWAYS had a dog. From as long as i can recall even back as a small child, we had a dog. This is the first time, in my life I've been coming home to no pet.
To me she was family, its like loosing a sister. Someone you grew to love and are attached to. I was not given time to grieve this loss, because my work places doesn't see loss of pets to be something you need time for. Which I find very stupid and inconsiderate. So I've been working through this and it hurts more then I can admit to. My mood has been shit all week. So if I have snapped at you, been rude or said shit I normally wouldn't of, please forgive me. I am not handling this loss well.
Yes I'm an adult, but when you loose a pet that you've had for the last 16 years of your life? It hurts.
For those who aren't close enough to be trusted to know, I had to put my dog down this past Monday.
For those of you who just go 'oh it was just a dog' screw you. Get the hell off my page. Because I wont tolerate it.
On Monday January 20th, I had to put my little dog Miah down.
Honestly we waited too long. That poor dog probably was suffering more then she'd been living.
I was the one that held her through it all.
This was my first time experiencing the loss of a pet first hand. I'd never been present when the others were put down.
But Miah was my dog. She was MY dog. Yes she was a daddies girl and loved my dad, but she had always been my dog.
I do not grieve well and I sure as hell am having a hard time doing so.
Every day this week I have literally started to sob my eyes out because my dog is no longer home. Coming home to not having my dog here is something I'm not used to.
I grew up in a home where we always, ALWAYS had a dog. From as long as i can recall even back as a small child, we had a dog. This is the first time, in my life I've been coming home to no pet.
To me she was family, its like loosing a sister. Someone you grew to love and are attached to. I was not given time to grieve this loss, because my work places doesn't see loss of pets to be something you need time for. Which I find very stupid and inconsiderate. So I've been working through this and it hurts more then I can admit to. My mood has been shit all week. So if I have snapped at you, been rude or said shit I normally wouldn't of, please forgive me. I am not handling this loss well.
Yes I'm an adult, but when you loose a pet that you've had for the last 16 years of your life? It hurts.
Merry Christmas and Check this out!
Posted 6 years agoMerry Christmas everyone! I hope you all have a peaceful and wonderful day.
I myself will be going to my sisters today. ^^ I do have some art to upload soon though.
Also check out this really fun YCH Raffle! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/34338352/
I already entered, but you guys should check it out. I personally adore this persons art and the style for this is so unique!
I myself will be going to my sisters today. ^^ I do have some art to upload soon though.
Also check out this really fun YCH Raffle! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/34338352/
I already entered, but you guys should check it out. I personally adore this persons art and the style for this is so unique!
Interesting Birthday Update
Posted 6 years agoSo this year I didn't have enough time to think about requesting my birthday off. So I worked Sunday into Monday (Monday being my birthday).
Okay fine and dandy.
My 3rd shift boss, ended up finding out about it. Not only did I get a Balloon, but a page to the entire store that it was my birthday. Talk about me being embarrassed.
My coworker bought me a unicorn cake. Its chocolate and delicious.
Speed forward a few hours. The balloon came undone flew up and popped on a beam in the ceiling.
boss found out
boss bought me along balloon. Which I have here at home with me now.
Overall today has been VERY good.
Okay fine and dandy.
My 3rd shift boss, ended up finding out about it. Not only did I get a Balloon, but a page to the entire store that it was my birthday. Talk about me being embarrassed.
My coworker bought me a unicorn cake. Its chocolate and delicious.
Speed forward a few hours. The balloon came undone flew up and popped on a beam in the ceiling.
boss found out
boss bought me along balloon. Which I have here at home with me now.
Overall today has been VERY good.
Officially reset my username(s)
Posted 6 years agoAs you know me here, I go by TheSmileGiver.
I'd had a few other platforms where I'd changed my username to CasHyena.
But, I'm officially converting all my social media to be back to TheSmileGiver in some way or form.
The-Smile-Giver - deviantart
TheSmileGiver - Furaffinity
The.Smile.Giver - Instagram
TheSmileGiver - Telegram
TheSmileGiver - Weasyl (which I never use)
thesmilegiver - tumblr (stopped using)
TheSmileGiver - Twitter
TheSmileGiver - Toyhouse
Even changed my bnet to TSG
I have lost connection to Cas Hyena, and thus now I will be using Vexi for my fursona.
I'd had a few other platforms where I'd changed my username to CasHyena.
But, I'm officially converting all my social media to be back to TheSmileGiver in some way or form.
The-Smile-Giver - deviantart
TheSmileGiver - Furaffinity
The.Smile.Giver - Instagram
TheSmileGiver - Telegram
TheSmileGiver - Weasyl (which I never use)
thesmilegiver - tumblr (stopped using)
TheSmileGiver - Twitter
TheSmileGiver - Toyhouse
Even changed my bnet to TSG
I have lost connection to Cas Hyena, and thus now I will be using Vexi for my fursona.
Another...update
Posted 6 years agoThis one...is kinda..goodish? In a way.
I've taken back to doing art again, so that is helping my stress levels become more even. Which I'm thankful for beyond belief.
Dad had been in the hospital again for a week, a week or so ago. He'd gone in on a Sunday and didn't get released till a Thursday I believe. (Because if he was still in on Friday, I was gonna go see him.)
He had something called Toxic Blood, which I guess is meaning he was Septic, which is caused from an infection somewhere in the body going rampant. He's home and I believe on medication for it to help kill off the infection.
I'm still playing WoW and will openly say I do not have a Main now.
I used to have a main a while back, which had been Talli. I loved her and I still do. But after...a friend basically upped and left me on the rp...I've fallen from playing her as much as I used to. I feel a broken connection with her after said friend fucked it up for me.
And well...
I dont know how well to say this. But the happiness I thought I found with someone....I broke off. Maybe its a break, maybe its just gonna stay that we are friends. I'm hurting too much to keep of saying we were boyfriend and girlfriend since I never felt like one. So...I'm now in the process of trying to heal myself mentally and emotionally. Cuz I was in a bad place for a month on this.
Most my friends were unaware just how messed up this made me. Because I was doing my hardest to hide it.
Hell its still hurting me because I dont think they understood the mental games it played with me on several aspects.
So yeah. I'm broken because of this. And it hurts.
Outside that, I now have 3 new sona's. Vexi, a wolf. Calli,a maned wolf, and Lexi, a coyote. Lexi will get a redesign, cuz I dont like that I used Cas's colors on her. Same with Calli. I wanna tone her colors down a bit. If I can.
I've taken back to doing art again, so that is helping my stress levels become more even. Which I'm thankful for beyond belief.
Dad had been in the hospital again for a week, a week or so ago. He'd gone in on a Sunday and didn't get released till a Thursday I believe. (Because if he was still in on Friday, I was gonna go see him.)
He had something called Toxic Blood, which I guess is meaning he was Septic, which is caused from an infection somewhere in the body going rampant. He's home and I believe on medication for it to help kill off the infection.
I'm still playing WoW and will openly say I do not have a Main now.
I used to have a main a while back, which had been Talli. I loved her and I still do. But after...a friend basically upped and left me on the rp...I've fallen from playing her as much as I used to. I feel a broken connection with her after said friend fucked it up for me.
And well...
I dont know how well to say this. But the happiness I thought I found with someone....I broke off. Maybe its a break, maybe its just gonna stay that we are friends. I'm hurting too much to keep of saying we were boyfriend and girlfriend since I never felt like one. So...I'm now in the process of trying to heal myself mentally and emotionally. Cuz I was in a bad place for a month on this.
Most my friends were unaware just how messed up this made me. Because I was doing my hardest to hide it.
Hell its still hurting me because I dont think they understood the mental games it played with me on several aspects.
So yeah. I'm broken because of this. And it hurts.
Outside that, I now have 3 new sona's. Vexi, a wolf. Calli,a maned wolf, and Lexi, a coyote. Lexi will get a redesign, cuz I dont like that I used Cas's colors on her. Same with Calli. I wanna tone her colors down a bit. If I can.
