Okay so i think its only fair that I finally give a way overdue update about whats been going on lately.

So a while back my dad had been in the hospital off and on for like a month straight. I know this was during one of my weeks of vacation. More had happened after that week and things were just...not good.
I ended up taking him to the ER twice. He now has a pacemaker and a defibrillator for his heart. So yeah...things have been on edge with that.

Then not too long after that happened, my boyfriend moved instate. We had not planned things through for this move. While yes I had a hotel room, we had not planned this through fully and needless to say that was the most stressful two weeks of my life. One week was with him while I was working, the second week was my week of vacation. I was under so much stress trying to find a place, that I actually made myself physically sick. Physically wasn’t the worry I had at the time. Cuz you can get better. But the mental sickness I had going on, was even worse. I wont go into detail, but lets just say it was not good. Not good at all.

Sadly enough, we did not have enough time to make things work. With no money saved up for this, we were unprepared and basically had screwed up. I had realized this and I think he did as well. So with a very heavy heart, when he asked me if he should move back home, I said yes. But not because I wanted him to. Its because we are both so unprepared. The stress was getting to us both badly.

So with a very heavy heart, I am sad to say he is back home. Several states away. BUT this does not mean things will not work out. I still want to be with him as he does with me. And we will make things work, but we need to plan things out better. And be prepared. Really prepared.

I am also sad in the fact that a few friends I had told about this, lashed out at me. I knew they would be upset, but they dont realize how truly hurtful it was of them to lash out like they did at me. Yes I know I hurt some of them, but I didn’t do this with the intention to hurt them. Their words really dragged me down and made me hate myself for a few days. Which did NOT do good to add up to the stress I was feeling. I felt guilt tripped and horrible because I had tried to find my happiness. But...I’m slowly trying to rebuild myself and move on.
Its so sad that me finding a smidge of happiness, helped to show me some peoples true colors.

Now moving forward, I am going to attempt to start saving up money. Because I dont want to get an apartment. I want to either get a trailer, or a house at some point. Yes you read right. I want to get one of those two things. I want to get my life going.

HOWEVER, this does not mean I am not looking after my parents. I am still putting them first and above myself. I want them to be happy and know that they still have me on their side. They got to meet my boyfriend and they like him as well. (It was a huge deal to me to have him meet my parents. I wont go into details as of why, but let it be known both my parents have heart problems. So getting him to meet them sooner rather then later, had been my goal.)

I will work on getting back into my groove. Its going to be hard because I miss having him by my side, but I will keep going. I want to get things back to how they were, get back into art. Back into playing WoW and slowly preparing myself for what is to come in my future.

But I figured you all deserved an update, since I had been silent for quite some time. Now you know what is going on. ^^

Okay so yeah. After I made that last update journal, a lot of crap happened.

Dad landed back in the hospital. Twice over this week. He now had a pace maker and a defibrillator.

My vacation is now coming to an end, as to I had been on vacation all week. I go back to work Monday night.

Ugh.

This entire week has been nothing but stress. Sorry I haven't been producing much art. Just
...

With both my parents not being in good health now, I'm starting to truly hit my wits end. Because I dont know what to do.

Yeah it's been a while since I posted an update huh?

A lot of things have been happening. Some good and a lot of bad it seems recently.

One of the good things, is something I dont wanna discuss until I know things will be better down the line. Plus I know I have some watchers that may go and tell other friends of mine. So i'm keeping hush hush. To a degree. I'll say this much, I have a friend that is going to be moving in state and I'm going to be getting a place to live with them.

Parents...now that is another thing. My mom already has a hard time getting around. She has for a few years. Well a few days ago...my dad landed himself in the "cant get around well" boat as well. He had a heart attack. Followed by a massive heart attack a day later.
He was in the hospital for a few days, and is back home on medication.
This has put into perspective that I really need to watch them.

Work wise....I'm gonna try to go to part time around July.
With all that is happening with my family right now, I need to be here for them. And I already had been driven into a corner at work due to what a manager said to me.
Its sad. Because its not just because of what was going on with my parents, I'd already been planning to get off full time. I'm gonna look for another part time job to help pay bills. But still.
My family and my mental health come before me being available all the time.

I've been so stressed out for the last few months. I wasn't eating right. I wasn't sleeping good for a while.

OH. But thats the other thing I'm doing now.
I've stopped drinking pop all together. I learned just how badly I was addicted to caffeine. The first initial week of me going off it, was hell. But now I'm off it, aside from an occasional Five Hour Energy shot.
Oh and imagine that! Since I've got off caffeine? Guess who is getting more sleep and falling asleep around noon or 1 instead of 3 or 4? :)

I'm just...right now with all that has been happening..my mental state isn't really dead, but I'm to the point where I'm exhausted. Not physically, but mentally.

So I'm going to try and get better with my lineless artwork. I wanna take on a few challenges. Of course head shots like I've been doing, because I'm still learning. But...

I'm willing to take 2 Lineless Head shot commissions at $15 a piece.
I know I will get some slack for this, since my usual head shot prices for color are 12 dollars. But to be fair, they take way longer then regular ones where I just line and color. These take more time, plus my picture files I draw at are 5 inches by 5 inches.

If interested, drop a comment below.

So I figured I'd give an update about it.
This vacation honestly...has been one of worsts vacations I've been on.

I scared myself several times, not to mention people brought me down from work. So that made it even more WONDERFUL. -pissed-

Overall it was nice to be away from work, but damn it...I wanted some nice calming time. This entire vacation has been one heart attack after the other. One anxiety trip followed up again with another one.

I have to work tonight, Sunday Night, then I get my two days off again. -sighs-
I am still gonna be going into work drained though, because this vacation was not the relaxing time I needed.

Okay time for that proper update I said I'd do.

Work
Things have been shit at work lately and its driving me up a wall. I put in for another week of vacation at the end of September. God I hope I get it. I put it in a month in advance so they cant give me the whole "Not enough notice" bull shit.

One of the people I work with has drove me into wanting to fucking punch them. But I cant cuz you know...thats frowned up by corporate and management. But god do they fucking deserve it...

I'd love to find a different job. Because I'm afraid that this is gonna drive me into the state of mind I was in a few years ago, and I really want to avoid that.


Art
I've been trying to get back into doing more artwork. The main reason I haven't been doing much? Well I've been playing World of Warcraft. I'm finally on a character that I want to level up and take my time with them. ^^

I do have some upcoming ideas I want to do, but I need to get them worked out before I can really start them. I'm trying though!

Gaming
Yep I've gotten myself addicted to playing WoW. I play every day after work for a few hours at least. And I'm getting better at knowing how to level up. But man or man, it can be tiring!

-takes a deep breath in-

Ah the feeling of freedom.

I'll be posting a journal later with updates

Do you ever wonder why when you buy a YCH from someone, and it's done, cuz they have sent you the file, but they never post it?
Like...I've bought 2 YCH's from a few people...they send me the files...but they never post them on here.
Are they like...ashamed from drawing my character or something?
That kinda...hurts. Cuz I see them post other YCH's they've done of people's characters. Maybe its because mine is a human?

Okay so here is my update once more.

My week of vacation was great! I had actually came home in the middle of the week because I was gonna plan out spending some time on WoW with my guild. Well that went south real fast. My computer had a hardware failure again. So I brought it to geeksquad and had them look and now well....I had to redownload things cuz I have a new harddrive...again.

Considering that they were going to have it, I went up north, knowing I wouldn't be playing WoW this weekend. So I spent the remainder of my vacation up north.

I have to work tonight, sadness, but it is what is. After tonight I have my two nights off haha.
I'll be on WoW again in the morning though. Now that I have everything up and going again ^^.

I've also been thinking of opening some commissions for a style I'm playing with. I'll keep ya'll posted on that one.

As for now, its 2:30pm for me, and I gotta get up at 9 to get ready for work. Goodnight!

Yep, I am now on my week long vacation from Meijer.

Thank fuck. I needed this so damn bad, its pathetic.

Haha, no no. As you can tell, I'm still not dead. Just have been busy.

I go on vacation next week, thank God.

But no, I've been busy playing WoW. I managed to level my one boy Krelo up to 20 a week or so ago, and just the other day got my boy Halo'lu to level 20.
Needless to say, I've been spending a lot of time on WoW. I've made a few good friends on there. And on my main, Kolico whom is alliance, I joined a new guild. So I really look forward to that!

Next week starting Monday, I go on vacation for a week. AN ENTIRE WEEK. Oh my God, can you believe it?? But yeah despite that, there is a bunch of bullshit going on at work at it has me at my wits end, I swear.

Other then that, I'm still drawing. Its slow and all, but I get so distracted with Roleplaying with my friends, and then playing WoW, that I dont draw as much as I used to haha.

As the title implies, no I'm not dead.
Sorry for my lack of activity here.
I've been really caught up on WoW and role playing and all that fun stuff.

Also I have a Discord Server that is not just LazyTown themed.

My server is called The Hyenas Den, and anyone is free to join. If you'd like to join, just comment or note me for the link. ^^

I realize I never actually made a larger journal of my updates haha. Oops.

This one wont be too large either, just another little update for those who care.


I've basically gotten sucked into playing WoW. I dont know much about the game yet, and I'm struggling to learn things. But I'm enjoying it. Very much so.
I'm also rping a lot. And I mean, A LOT. Haha. So that takes away from my art time too. Since I more or less focus on one of the other. Depending on how in dept the rp is.

Work is still kicking my ass. Hhhh.

I'm slowly starting to make progress and come out of my shell with drawing stuff on Cas. :D

Its been a long time since I was comfortable enough to do anything with her. After having some sourness I had gotten. I'm trying to overcome the anxiety I got from it.

But you know what? Cas is MY Fursona, and I should let what others say about her, affect that. So I'm gonna work on bringing her back up to speed and work on getting the way I want to draw her done. :)

WOOO! IT IS TIME!

Slow but steady progress.

Getting myself back on track and starting to do more art again.
I'm finally trying to work out the times I rp vs the time I draw.
And let me tell you what.
Its not as easy as I thought it'd be LOL.

Things are not as good as I'd like them to be, but I'm doing a lot better then I had been when I posted my last journal!
I finally started to get my mind cleared of some things, and took the time to work some other things out of my life.

So now I'm finally starting to get artsy again and drawing. I have a love for Cas back going strong so be prepared to see more art and redraws of things with her.
Yes Austin is still my primary oddball favorite haha. I'm still working with him too because it's one of the few things I've actually grown attached to that _keeps_ me happy.

Long story short, I'm feeling better, even tho life isn't letting up. I'm not letting it take me down anymore! <3

Okay so I figured now is the best time to do an update while I'm pretty calmed down.

Yes, my mom was in the hospital for a week. It was after an ambulance had to be called because she got dizzy and fell. It was beyond me and my dad to help. So while all that was going down, I was not in the best place mentally, and I still am not.
Some people might thing this is just me trying to 'milk' it. But honestly, my mother is the largest part of my life. I see her when I get home from work, I see her when I leave for work. So having a week where I didn't see her, it really put a wake up call in my mind about this. And it hurts. It hurts a lot.

I'm also realizing that my personal enjoyments have shifted. My OC Austin, has become literally the one thing that's been making me happy. Along with that I'm still in the Lazytown fandom. People say I've changed since I've joined that fandom. I say, good. Because of that fandom and the people I've met, I'm happy and upbeat. Yeah I'm still having my hard times, but I have them to talk to me. I don't feel like an asshole talking to them. I mean I've met some chill as hell people through it haha.
Now this doesn't mean I love Cas any less. I still draw her because, she is apart of me that I will love till the day I die. I might take a break from her now and again, but right now..I'm feeling that I can enjoy drawing her again. Enjoy her with no strings attached ya know? I guess that's just been how fucked up I've been lately.

My art has been suffering a bit since I've been trying to deal with things. I'm working on trying to pick back up and get back into doing more artwork. So I can only hope I'll get a commission sheet done soon. Same with that I'm attempting to make a Terms Of Service for my commissioners to read as well. Because I already got one nasty note since there are things I wont draw. :')

Its fucking freezing outsize. Winter is still here and its making itself highly known.

And yes I'm enjoying my big blue truck! I love it so much! <3

GOOD NEWS! Mom got released today from the doctor and was able to come home!!! Oh gosh, you have no idea how happy I am now. But she's gonna have to be on a heart monitor.

Okay so I guess I might as well make an update.

The things I've been struggling with are...that my mom has been in the hospital since last week. I've been touch and go mentally and its been literally driving me over the edge. I dont know what to do, I dont know what is going on and its put me in a very bad place.

My forms of coping have been rping, watching youtube and drawing. I have some friends that I really need to thank for being there for me. Because of them I'm able to keep grasp of my sanity. They know who they are. They are the only ones I've actually gone to and spoken to about what has been happening.

And I'm trying to find myself again. I'm diving back into a fandom in hopes it gets me out of ...whatever it is I'm in right now. I can only hope that it works.

My brain is on the fritz right now
There is alot of shit going on in my life currently, so I might not post a whole lot after today. I'm gonna be posting the arts I drew just the last week or so.

Okay so now I'm stuck on what to draw Cas doing for her birthday. Draw her playing the video games she says she'll play, or draw her just enjoying a day in a birthday hat. LOL

I guess it should be said for what I will not offer during commissions. Bare in mind I am under no requirement to state why I will not draw something. Each artist has their likes and dislikes, I am no different.

Things I will NOT draw:
Vore, Mecha or Machine based, Scat, Watersports, Bestiality, Highly Complex Characters*, Fat Fetish, Foot Fetish, Hyper Fetishes (including Hyper cum, hyper size and so forth).

* If you are curious and want to see if your character is classified as complex, let me know ^^. I will gladly take a look and get back to you on it~

[i]This list is always open to change, so if I find something else that is not to my fancy, I will add it. Thank you.[/i]

Getting used to Chrome.

After Firefox made that stupid update where they took away those tabs/tiles whatever they were in their latest update, I've switched to Chrome. I don't know why Firefox took those away, but it sucks. I had all my most visited pages saved there. Chrome has something similar, so I'm gonna just start using Chrome instead. Already linked on all my devices, so that's nice.

Figured it'd be better to keep track of myself if I made a list haha.

Commissions:
Nsfw Commission for : Completed!

Payment Art:
2 of 3 pictures are done for a payment to a friend who bought me a game years ago.

Gift Art:
Surprise Gift Art of Glanni for my friend Talon
Gift Art of Geral for my friend Glace
Some more smut of Austin n Krai for my friend Kaze