I just checked my FA and noticed I've been on here for a bit over 10 years... seems kinda important? I dunno, I haven't been posting to FA (or anywhere) in the last few years even though I'm still around and getting art... I guess I've just become a more social fur then an art fur. So yeah.. I'm not dead, yet at least.

Wow these 10 years have been... interesting to say the least. Relationships started and ended, friendships that either went nowhere or blossomed into amazing things, I've moved three times, I've lost people. I've learned a lot about what it means to be a person in the real world. Looking back at that me 10 years ago, it's kinda crazy? I was a love sick kit trying to impress his boyfriend at the time, show him I could be a real furry and get art of my sona. I remember, being 18 and literally asking my mom for the money to get my first commission... and she actually gave it to me and loved the pic (amazing furry loving mom ftw).

I don't think I could say I'm even remotely the same person now. Honestly that's a good thing, and I have all the friends I've made, and even the enemies, relationships good and back, love and heartbreak, all taught me lessons I needed to learn to be who I am now, and I'm sure over the next 10 years I'll meet many more friends, have plenty more people hate me, and learn more lessons to make myself a better person.

So here's a major thank you to everyone in my life, old and new, still with us or sadly gone, who have helped me be who I am.

~Tio

Sometimes, in a rare occurrence I get nostalgic for the weirdest things. Friends, lost loved ones, old toys, and more. I guess those aren't.. weird.. but usually it's the situation behind their loss that's weird.

There are places and people i miss so much, and i get that feeling for them all the time. Some that I'd hope someday I might find again, and some.. I know could never be there. As I get older i feel more and more like I'm losing more then I'm gaining, people used to know me, care about me, respect me. Tio was someone people knew as a nice guy that could be relied on, or could be a sympathetic ear.

But everyone from back then is gone now. Death, hatred, naturally moving apart. The few who are still around i can hardly get two words out of on a good day. Most of it's my fault, I'm sure. It's hard for me to understand the ways I've hurt people, the nuances of social life can easily be lost on me.

I guess I miss being me from 5-8 years ago.. the me who could write a story, the me who made and kept friends so easily. The me who hadn't been broken so many times by life.

I'm not even 27 and i feel like a broken hollow shell, where everything is poured out and scattered. I'm not unhappy mind you. I'm bi-polar yeah, but my life isn't bad or miserable. I just.. feel like I lost my prime.

I'd imagine, that in this community everyone has lived under a different name at one point or another, weather in public or just as a screen name in a messaging program. I know I have, i mean my name isn't REALLY Tio but that's what everyone calls me online.

But I was just thinking back on the time i lost my name, and I realize how important names or, weather chosen for yourself or given at birth, and how a sudden name change forced on you by other people could effect your individuality.

I remember being 18 and moving in with friends for the first time, all the way on the other side of the countery. It was a stupid experiment that failed miserably, but it taught me one important lesson.. introduce yourself to people under a name you actually like. I happened to RP on SecondLife under the name Terin at the time, and that's the name MOST of my friends got to know me as. Thing is I only used it IN SecondLife, no where else. I was always Tio elsewhere.

I never corrected my roomates, i mean it's the name they got to know me as, why should i force them to call me anything different? Big mistake... I don't know why but that name started to grate on me, badly, it felt like i was losing my identity. It was a really odd feeling. I ended up exploding on them one day when they called me Terin, it was a bad time for me.

So I guess with me moving into my own place once again this experience has kinda been on my mind. Would i have the same feeling if my friends only called me Tio? I like Tio I've been going by it since I was 17 and joined the babyfur/cub community as a whole so i wouldn't think it would be an issue, but i dunno.

Have you guys had issues with your identity like that? I'd love to hear any stories about it, see what people think.

I've been having a shit month. But I wanted to make things better, really trying hard. Was talking with a friend about past projects, and it just reminded me of my teens.

I started on the web as a sprite artist, doing a lot of personal OC work. Doing my own designed, though as some of you know I specialized in doing Sonic 3 style sprites. I spent nearly 8 years making these, thousands of sprite pages custom and edits. I put so much work into them. All lost from a kid's mistake. accidentally destroyed my HDD that had it all on it. That was 7 years ago .-.

I feel old. I know I'm not but I really feel it. All the websites I posted those sprites and that work on are defunct, gone, the archives long deleted. The image hosting sites long since cleaned their database. It's hard for me to wrap my head around it, how so many years of my life amount to literally nothing. No evidence I ever even created anything during that time.

It's like that part of me, that kid I was, doesn't exist anymore. I wish I could go back and save it in a more secure way. Any secure way.

~sighs~ Things change, time moves on, and the internet is definitely not forever like people say.

In vain hope, I want to ask again, ANYONE, literally ANYONE who might have my old work.. please... if you were a member of "The Mystical Forest Zone" Forums, or "The Forest Defense Initiative" Forums before they closed, and MIGHT have saved my stuff for a comic, my username was "DTF", my characters were "John Prower" and "Rider The Dog"

Rider is REALLY who I want back.. I had a 200+ Sprite sheet made for him.. He was almost video game ready. I put the MOST work on him. I actually did remake a single pose of his sprite.. from memory. and I'm pretty sure it's perfect. But I want that full sheet.

https://s31.postimg.org/niuqptg7v/Rider_TD.png

If anyone recognizes him, and might have even an old version of his sheet.. it's a long shot... it's been more then 8 years... ~sighs~ just lemmy know.

Santa, in a furry universe.. Would have fennecs instead of elves!

Think about it! Super small and short, large pointed ears, hyper, good with kids!

Santa Paws has an army of hyper snuggly fennecs!

On my way to rainfurrest! Anyone wanna meet up and say hi lemmy know :3 be at my hotel tonight and at the con all day tomorrow.

Planning on going to the cub meet and greet then hanging out at the writing panals for most of the con!

So I'm sure most of you know but I have a new master, well, not new but new in the position of being master!

So  darcinlearin asked me to make this journal in response to his own about me.

Darcin, master, had for the longest time been my cub. But recently, after an odd set of events and a role reversal he is now my owner. As some of you know I have a long history with master pet relationships.. and a LOT of them don't go well, usually ending with someone abandoning me. Weather it's them starting to ignore me and never responding.. or in some cases going out cursing my name and acting like a killed a member of their family...

I was unsure at first, but now, after a few weeks, I'm sure. My master, Darcin, is the best master I've ever had. and it makes me more happy then I've ever been to be his babypet ^///^ He's loving, and caring, and always ready to give me commands and orders. He talks to me every day and worries about me if I'm not feeling good or depressed. he shows that he really cares and loves me as his pet and it's the greatest feeling in the world to this fen because it is everything I've ever been looking for in an owner and could never find. I dun know why it took so many years for us to end up like this ^^

Pet loves his master ^///^ and will do anythings he says and anythings for him.

Just warning of a small bulk upload, been a wile since I put anything up and I have a lot of commissioned/gift art built up. Not uploading everything but most of what I could find on my computer ^^

there are some naughty pics in here o.o nothing cub, all adults, but it's kinda new for me to upload that kinda stuff ever x3 It's also rare for me to get that kinda stuff :p

(If you've read my old Christmas Journals you know this isn't the best time of year for me... but this year i was surprised o.o)

Merry Christmas! and for once I'm not depressed or upset! For once in a very long time it's starting out as a happy Christmas.

Started out rough yesterday when I found my parents didn't have enough money for all the gifts they wanted for the kids, I offered to help out and tossed in $30, then my best RL friend really wanted to help too and tossed in another $60, it was awesome, me and him went down to the store and picked out a big gift for each of them then a buncha little gifts. Aeon was awesome in helping out and I got everything my little brothers could ask for (I have four of them).

Then later that night, for the first time my step dad and mom let me help out with wrapping, it was awkward, I'd never been allowed to help for some reason (I'm 25 BTW not some kid jut turning 18 x3) But it went fine and we got everything wrapped and ready ^^

Afterwards my step dad (Or better known as the biggest ass hole I know) gets up, thanks me, offers me a gift and says he'd actually help pay me back and then some as a gift... this might not sound odd, but understand that I haven't gotten a Christmas gift from my family in almost 10 years... Like nothing.. ever. Christmas had become a time where I just gave as much as i could and got nothing back, and I was normally fine with it, though i would get rather depressed here and there... Very depressed << specially when people wouldn't even wish my a Merry Christmas.

But not only did he offer this (I refused, I usually don't take things in return like that, but he insisted and got to the point where I didn't want to fight about it ._.) But after he actually gave me a hug... in front of my mom... Which was odd... he hasn't hugged me since I was 9.

So it's put me in a good mood, all this rare Christmas joy for me. I hope it lasts all day.. it'll be my first Merry Christmas in a very long time!

(Originally posted to Inkbunny :p https://inkbunny.net/journalview.php?id=159445 )

Soo I just got myself a new video card and it came with $50 worth of in game currency for three games i don't play >>

Strife
War Thunder
Infinite Crisis

I know these games are mildly popular but I have absolutely no interest in any of them x3 So I was wondering if anyone wanted the codes? They are all separate so I think I can give them each to different people :p

Now I don't really wanna just give them away to the first random people who ask for them x.x so I'm thinking maybe a drawing or a trade? commissions for game cash? I unno if that is fair I've never done anything like this x3

Any helpful advice on how I should give these/trade these away :3

(Just to be clear this is $50 for each game totaling $150)

I'm not sure if people missed the commission Journal or just no one is interested, I'll assume the later :p

Buuut, I do want to remind people, cause I do kinda need the money, and I've been bored and wanting something to do :p

I will also do Avatar sized heads (like my own, press F5 if you still see Runrun) Those will be a flat rate of $1.

For prices and commission info see here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5787610/

With a lack of feedback I'm going to have to wing it, but I've decided making these is much to fun.

I'm going to take it slow for now, no massive fully animateable, or game ready sheets just yet, just basic poses (of your choice). and the full design of your character in the style.

I Will only be taking 3 or so at a time until I feel comfortable enough to work on more, I have the right to turn down any commission if i feel like i couldn't complete it. If life or medical things get in the way I will refund ASAP and will not remove the funds from my paypal until the commission is done.

----
Taking my best guess here is the pricing at the moment:

*Single pose Character design or avatar bust: $1.00 ~example: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13540658/

*Single Pose Character with different clothing designs: $2.00 ~example: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13540692/
(may cost more the more cloths requested)

*Multy Pose Sheet with Five or more static poses: $5.00 ~No examples yet
(may cost more depending on number and complexity of poses)
----
----
Commissioning is simple, Note me with the following information:
Character reference,
Type of commission,
Short description of any details you'd want,
how many poses and what kind (complex poses my be declined early on as I try to get better)
----

And most importantly, if you like the idea or are satisfied with your commission please feel free to spread the word, tell friends or family. I'm hoping through these I can save up enough money for a few things I've been eying.


Commissioner list:
1.
2.
3.

So you may see the sprite work I've just uploaded, not something I was expecting to do, but my mate kinda pushed me into it.. (silly woofs).
I already said it on the submissions but I'll say it here too, I'm maybe looking to do commissions in this style, ranging from single poses to full sheets and gif's, I have no idea how I'd price it. It is surprisingly hard work to line pixels up in a way to make a clear image, most of all at 8-bit scale.

So honestly i want opinions, ideas, price ranges, just all in all feed back from anyone and everyone.

I'm also thinking about maybe doing a few more free ones for close friends, getting them a little more out there and getting some much needed practice.

After years of trying, and doing everything I can to be active and friendly in the community I've decided that I'm done. I've tried, really hard to make friends and be a positive force, helping with drama and people when they are hurt or down. I've made friends and did my best to keep them and care for them.

But it's becoming more and more clear that people don't really care for me. No matter how close I get or how good of friends I think we are the same thing keeps happening. We will be close and talk a lot for a good few weeks, maybe up to a month and then they vanish, and if i try and talk to them again I'm ignored. it happens every time. I've come to expect it...

Well I can't take the pain, the heartbreak of loving someone as a friend or even family and then them leaving me. it's happened to many times... and the only way i can think to avoid it is to go away. To my actual friends, the handfull who have stuck with me... I'm not going anywhere nothing will change, you can still poke me on skype and expect a hi, but to anyone else, new or old, I'm not gunna be active anymore.. not on FA, Inkbunny or anywhere other then my IMs. and i will not accept random adds or IMs asking for my info.

All I wanted was to make friends and make people happy and apparently I couldn't.. i couldn't even keep the people i loved deeply happy. I couldn't hold onto the few friends I thought really cared. I know it's something i did. i know it MUST be a problem with me driving so many away.. but for the love of god I wish people would just tell me what it was... Maybe then I could fix it.

Anywho.. I'm sorry for the emodrama.. i just didn't want to leave my FA page abandoned, so this will stay here for anyone interested enough to read it.

Good Bye and good luck to all of you. Everyone I've tried to love, everyone I've tried to help. And thank you to the maybe 3-4 who have stuck with me through the years.

I needa do a quick pimp to  ttede-cuteartfan because for some odd reason even though i barely ever post or submit I have more watchers them him.

He is an amazing if not young artist who I think given the proper encouragement could really become something special ^^

So please check him out, he doesn't do commissions and he doesn't finish requests often but he is still amazing and the art work is adorable <3

like this for example: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11176155/

Anyone with more watchers then me who likes his stuff, PLEASE give him some love on your page :3

Not sure how many people read these any more, most likely no one or very few. But I have to send this out, just to type out my frustration and feelings.

So I'm not gunna name names, or curse, or slander, or put down. I'm not going to be aggressive or angry, I'm just sad and disappointed.

Someone I love very much, one of my cubs, left me, stopped being my cub. Why? because his mate told him to. His mate forced him to under the threat of breaking up. Why does his mate hate me? He's my ex. we broke up on bad terms after a lot of issues from both sides.. I moved on more then three years ago, he clearly hasn't. I keep getting dragged into their drama, it's tiaring. I loved my cub a lot, more then any cub I've ever had. He was special to me, my flesh and blood. if i ever were to have a child in the real wold, I'd hope he would be exactly like him.

If you are reading this, I still love you, deeply and with the passion a real father should have with their son.

Goodbye, and I'm sorry I made so much drama between you and your mate. I hope you two are happy.

So got my PC working again. it was the power supply unit and I ended up having to put out $90 for a new one. But thanks to some close friends and my loving mate it shouldn't be to much of an issue!

(Why is it that my first post after long absences are always bad news?)
so my main system is dead, no rhyme or reason just shut itself off and wont turn back on, not even a whimper or wine, no fans clicking on no beep warnings, no clicks nothing, no sign what the problem could be.

Obviously with an issue like that it's either the MB or the PSU, most likely the PSU, though my MB is a peace of junk -.- pulled out of a crackerjack box sized refurbished miniPC, suped up and loaded down with high quality RAM and video.

I'm pretty sure it's the PSU, not sure though. Even if it was i don't have the cash to replace the 650Wt PSU, I THOUGHT it was under warranty.. I THOUGHT I still had said warranty for another good year... well apparently the company thought otherwise, because apparently they only fulfill warranty IF the product under said warranty is STILL on the market... Three year warranty my ass considering the average market life of PC parts now a days -.-

So yeah, main PC dead, running on a craptacular laptop that can hardly run its own OS let along any games or even video watching, and No money for replacement parts...

Assuming it's just the PSU I'd only need maybe $50-$60 to get a decent PSU at the size I want, but that is being optimistic, if i get the chance to test and see if it's the MB... I have to pretty much replace everything BUT the PSU and GFX, which means new RAM, new CPU, new MB, new cooling fan...
I'd even have to replace my OS, yes I could pirate, but I don't like to do that on my main systems, so chuck another $200 onto the pile...

~sighs~ WTF, why is it that every damned time I'm comffy and happy this kinda BS happens... and... so fucking close to Christmas, why the hell can't I have a happy Christmas for just ONCE, EVERY FUCKING YEAR.

You know, I've been around the internet for a long time in one way or another. It's been part of my life since i was very young, when my Dad used to Run the Star League BBS when I was very young (one of the first Sci-Fi websites and chat rooms) to my own jump into the online world at a nearby library...

Well last few days I've been kinda missing a few of my old hangouts online, places I enjoined going and talking with people, then it hit me, they are all gone. Every single place i used to hang out and meet new friends are gone, Sites that i put hundreds of hours into, and not even a whisper of them is left. It makes me feel old, outdated, yeah it was only 6-7 years ago but to the digital world that is a lifetime, and sadly all my old friends have died or moved on in that world.

What I wouldn't give to hang out in TheMFZ Forums again, or help the guys troll PDF over at The Forest Defense Initiative, work on my old sprite Sheets and build cool little animations even though i had no idea what I was doing. Maybe Even Finish my Comic i had going... Or go back and be famous again like when i had my first 15 minutes where I Made my first S3&K Pixel art and every single person on the forums begged me for one. Maybe hang out with my old Clan, I remember the day our Leader Died, he had been so sick for so long we all knew it would happen, I remember him first bringing me into the group, oh how much fun we all had just goofing off.

Nothing is left from back then sadly, I have no contact with my old friends, i have no files or folders, not a single image, all the sites are down and not a single archive program (not even the way back machine) has them listed.

Even my characters are dead, unused, undeveloped, forgotten by all but me.

So.. Heres to the past, Heres to John Prower, Jacob "Rider" Mclarin, Nazareth, and my Underground style sprites that will never go finished or fully realized. Know you aren't forgotten even if you are gone forever.

June 28th, 20XX;
I don't know how it happened, or when it happened, but the dead are everywhere. I can't tell you how long i ran down the coat, trying to outrun my undead pursuers, I was finally able to take shelter atop a dock crane, I've lost track of where I am... From here I think I'm going to search for a town, I know its most likely festering with the... I don't know exactly what these things are but for now I'll just call them what they act like.. Zombies... But honestly I don't think I have a choice, i need food, water, and most of all, weapons.
--
I've yet to find a town, but I have found some friendly survivors and a revolver pistol. The survivors have offered to take me into their group, better with numbers i guess, I'm just thank full to have a safeish place to rest. We've taken up residence in an abandoned military airfield, it's safe as far as i can tell, barricaded in most places and plenty of food and ammo. We'll be bunking in the radio tower, Alix has first watch tonight, but for now we're heading out in groups for supplies.
--
D... Dead... All dead. We were gone for not even an hour, we heard gunshots in the distance and figured we should head back, everything seemed fine, we got up to the tower and climbed to the top. Three of my newest companions were there, dead, two shot, and one... eaten... Alex went to scout out the area see if he could figure out what happened, I had to tend the bodies, get the out of the main tower room, it was.. a horrible task. What was worse was the pistol put to the back of my head... Alex returned a few moment later to find me, hands raised and disarmed, I don't know why the bandit didn't just shoot me.. kinda wish he had. Alix was down in just one shot, right between his eyes... dear god I'd never seen so much blood in my life, I knew the bandit would kill me next... I had to act, I flung myself backwards and luckily slammed him against some of the equipment, he dropped both his weapons, I only had time to get one. I ran out of there faster then you could imagine, but.. at least I got some food and that bastard's sniper rifle, maybe I can hunt with it?
--
What luck! I found a Ghillie Suit just sitting in some abandoned house! Of course i changed into it quickly, with this and the knife I found earlier i think I'm going to make my exit from the main roads, head through the dense wood and try and find some more survivors? who knows.
--
End of day one trying to survive... it's been long and hard, I've seen more death and destruction today then I ever have before... Luckily i seem to be avoiding the zombies pretty well, not much dealings with them, but I've had a few close calls with bandits, seems my suit and weapons are highly desired in this area.. i need to be careful... I'm camping out in the middle of the woods, far from zombies and civilization, with any luck I'll be safe here, I killed a bore for dinner and there is a river nearby so i have plenty of clean water... guess we'll see what tomorrow brings?

---

TL;DR?
I got ArmA II and the DayZ mod and I'm having a friken BLAST! the game is awesome if not VERY hard. I highly recommend it to any fan of Zombies or survival. also it has a very strong survival horror aspect to it so that's epic.

I'm thinking of writing out these "DayZ Files" each day I play the game to document what i do and where i go :3 of course this is mostly fictionalized since i died a LOT and got most of my stuff from scavenging. but I needa spice it up a little and make it one fennec trying to survive in a hostel world :3 Tell me whatcha think?

I'm bored snuggly and wanna see my character in something cute so I found the most adorable artist doing free art and have decided to pimp them :p who knows maybe I'll make it.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3558178/ go and check them out. their stuff can be pretty cute.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R95pTekso_Y&feature=relmfu

borrowed from  Disel

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE

- Name: Mark, Tio, Threeinone, John, Dizzle, Dave, Terin, Tig.
- Eye Color: Black ._.
- Hair Style/Color: Short/messy Black
- Height: 6'4 (Would be taller.. damned curved spine)
- Clothing style: Loose and comffy over style.
- Best physical feature: legs according to people who have seen'm ._.

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

- Your fears: heights and Abandonment
- Your guilty pleasure: not sure I ever feel guilty about doing anything I enjoy.. soo not sure.
- Your biggest pet peeve: Stupid... people... if you can't figure out the BASICS of life and knowledge, I just can't stand you.
- Your ambitions for the future: Living with my mate, being published at least once.

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

- Your first thoughts waking up: Who.. am I o_x?
- What you think about most: Why do i feel like this?
- What you think about before bed: Please god let me wake up remembering today >.<
- You think your best quality is: Ability to help people with problems.

LAYER FOUR: WHAT'S BETTER?

- Single or group dates: Single
- To be loved or respected: respected
- Beauty or brains: Brains
- Dogs or cats: Cat

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

- Lie: Yes
- Believe in yourself: Rarely
- Believe in love: Yes
- Want someone: Kinda, does fictional count? otherwise I have the perfect someone already.

LAYER SIX: EVER?

- Been on stage: Yuppers
- Done drugs: Never have never will.
- Changed who you were to fit in: Being Autistic "who I am" is socially unacceptable. so I need to adapt and fake social skills in order to be part of society... so.. yeah I guess.

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES

- Favorite color: Green
- Favorite animal: Vulpes zerda
- Favorite movie: right now? Avengers.
- Favorite game: anything that makes me think and has a strong deep story.

LAYER EIGHT: AGE

- Day your next birthday will be: Friday July 20th
- How old will you be: 22 >.>
- Age you lost your virginity: 18 >w>
- Does age matter: nope.

LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL

- Best personality: Smart, secure, and able to hold a conversation.
- Best eye color: Green
- Best hair color: Any
- Best thing to do with a partner: Snuggle :3

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE

- I love: Science, understanding, and My mate Jaden.
- I feel: Low, depressed, worthless, but like i can pull myself out of said feelings.
- I hide: my true self.
- I miss: A life I've never had.
- I wish: I could change the world.

Wow! journal where I'm not ranting... this is... unexpected!

Not that I don't have plenty to rant about, I'm not not in a ranting mood, and I'm here to give a semi-important message.

Due to a cascade of issues beyond my control or the control of anyone else I regret to inform many of my friends that I will NOT be attending RainFurest this year.

Despite all the fun and enjoyment I had last year (despite spending half the con with the WORST burns of my life) it seems the con just isn't in the cards for me this year. a few reasons for this.

Mainly it's money, I have no where NEAR the amount I need to go, and I refuse to ask anyone for money for the con this year. Last year it was going to be my first con, and I had already had plans setup that were ruined by me being short on money, and despite it being the same situation now, I can not ask for hand outs again, it's against my morals.

That said, if I can magically find $300-$600 in the next two weeks then i could go. Witch could happen if some of the stuff I'm working on goes through soon enough, but I'ma assume the worst in this situation.

Few people I gotta apologies to because of this... mainly cause we had plans to hang out and spend time together, but most of all I gota say sorry to  blooroo who had plans to help make this year even more epics then the last.

SSDD
Living by my motto;
~Threeinone~TioFen~John~Dizzle~Dave~Terin

F5 away!!!!!