Hey everyone~

Sorry for the bit of radio silence for the past...however long it's been ^^;

Anyway

Lately, I've been focused on getting a more-than-likely-necessary surgery going. So far, I just have a consultation appointment scheduled, meaning I won't know for sure if I'll end up needing said surgery. At this time, there's still unknowns, but at least there's some progress towards it.

I have also been dabbling with Linux Mint lately, thanks to a friend of mine sending me an old, school laptop pre-installed with it (as in he installed it before sending it to me). With how much AI is being forced into Windows lately (and I'm sure Mac similarly), I just want to try and get away from it all. And, so far, Mint has been great!

However, my workflow I've gotten used to for literal years might need to change, or I may have to keep on using Windows. Simply put: while Scrivener works just fine on Linux, I cannot open older .scrivx files without moving my whole writing archive into an unnecessary deep directory. This is because Scrivener has no Linux version, even though there was one in development years ago and then abandoned. So I'd have to use another program to install and launch Scrivener, thus meaning I can't open older files directly.

Now, I don't know if that made any sense at all, but with how janky opening specific files is gonna be...yeah, I may have to change things up. Considering all I mainly write are short stories and poems, LibreOffice should work just fine. It's the bigger projects I'm worried about; I have a couple compilations and *gasp* I might write a novel one of these days (spoiler: I probably won't).

Still, I do like the idea of having a "work" laptop. Limits distractions and puts me in the right headspace and all.


EDIT: After some fiddling around and help from the same friend, the aforementioned issue is no longer...an issue, lol.

Hey guys! Just wanted to give a quick update on something personal that I've been kinda focused on for the past week or so.

For a couple months now, my left calf has been swollen off/on and I'm not sure how that came about. On Sunday, I noticed it began leaking fluid a little, so I tried to keep it wrapped up/covered and see how it faired. Well, I ended up going to urgent care Monday and was told it could be the beginnings of a potential bacteria infection, though leaky legs can be caused by a myriad of issues, like weight, poor circulation, high blood pressure, genetics, etc. I was then prescribed an antibiotic that I'm supposed to take for 10 days.

I'm doing my best to keep it raised when I can, keeping it wrapped and changing the dressings every 48hrs. at most, staying hydrated, taking my meds, all that. I can still walk and function just fine, though having it wrapped makes it awkward to walk at times. So far it's been doing better, I think, but I still want to keep an eye on it and stay off it as much as I can. Obviously I'm not on my feet when writing, but between dealing with this issue and wondering what my cardiologist is gonna say regarding my recent, annual echocardiogram...yeah. Part of me is worried I'm going down a similar, unhealthy path of my mother.

I still have two commissions in the queue. Hopefully this leg shit will be done and over with, and I'll hopefully not have to deal with this issue again.

Hey everyone,


I've had something on my mind off/on for the past few years that I want to address, and I feel comfortable making a solid decision about it.

First off, I do appreciate that a lot of people like seeing Rickie how they've been appearing for the past 10 or so years. Even I still like the thought of them as this strong, fighty tiger. However, during that time, I felt like they've completely derived from what I originally intended them to be: a representation of me.

When I first created them, they were never intended to be a fighter at all. As a hobby or as a kink, sure, but never on a professional or competitive scale. I felt like over the years, things spiraled out of control and they got away from me. Nowadays, a lot of people see me as just that and nothing else, even when it comes to how I am out of character (OOC) in some cases. I would noticed anytime I post fight-related art of them, it gets more favorites and comments than anything else I upload, and reinforces how others talk to me and see me as.

With that being said, I've thought about "retiring" them from the fighting stuff, more so on the "professional" side of things, like sanctioned matches or pro wrestling matches; basically anything that's "formal," under bright lights, big audience, etc. I've mentioned possibly doing this with them for a while now to close friends, but have never officially done anything yet.

Now, that's not to say I won't stop enjoying fight art of others nor is this me leaving the community outright. But I've fallen out of love for this more and more over time. However, in terms of fighting as a kink or fetish, like for private fights and sparring sessions, I'm still fine with those. Underground or impromptu fights I'm so-so on. But that's how I've always enjoyed this: as more of an admirer, a casual fan, and a kinkster. It's why I never had Rickie win any championship belts or ranked in a martial art's belt system, nor made them have permanent God Mode, nor why their "cannon" lifestyle isn't rich and glamorous. It always felt too unrealistic to me; I wouldn't be my genuine self, and would come off as if I'm trying to cope or get clout. OOC, I've barely done any training or partook in private fights compared to some within the fighting community. I admire those who are/were able to do that and then some, so long as they stay humble about it.

Over the years, I felt pigeonholed into this role and being this type of person, even OOC to an extent. It makes me feel like this is the only part of me people care about and nothing else, even if they say otherwise. Whether or not that's true, I don't know, and I may just be paranoid. Yeah, I'll admit, Rickie looks great and hot and sexy in the various gear I and others have come up for them, but that's also a bit of the kinkster side of me talking more than anything.

I do wonder if part of my feelings towards this niche side of the fandom is in part due to my hormonal changes from HRT. Even if it may seem like I'm the first known woman within this niche (wouldn't surprise me if I was), sometimes it feels like I'm the only one, though I know for a fact I'm not by now. What I mean by that is I'm not a "guy playing as a girl character," but rather an actual girl playing as a girl character. I feel like those who've known me pre-trans see me differently, or may just not like talking to me at all anymore because I have le tits now. I've noticed and experienced the lack of opportunity for art, at least from some of the artists I've commissioned prior or have wanted to commission; some of them don't draw women at all or rarely do, for one reason or another. I'm not suggesting they're being misogynistic, as I understand they may not be confident in their skill at drawing female bodies, but I'm not going to dismiss that possibility.

Makes me feel like a woman in a man's world, as if the furry community as a whole isn't already a big sausage fest.

With all that said, there's a few things I'll mention going forward:
* I'm going to finish up any current fight series and commissions in progress. I currently have two series and one YCH in progress that are in the realm of sanctioned matches, and two story commissions that are private kink fights.
* Once those are finished, I'm only doing private fights and sparring sessions from here on out. No stage lights. No audience. Just Rickie and the other person(s). Be it in a ring or cage at a gym, on the mats at a gym, or one of the three in someone's home or backyard, or in the bedroom or hotel room.
* Underground fights or impromptu fights would depend on the context.
* Any gift art I receive is fine, though I will indicate if it is, aside from putting it in the respective folder.
* I'm willing to partake in irl private fights with others at cons or if we live close enough to each other; just don't expect me to be a well-seasoned fighter or look very appealing.
* I want to explore some of my other kinks that tickle my fancy, such as, but not limited to: transformation/shifting, macro/growth, being a Dommy Mommy that doesn't involve fighting, and pet play.
* Finally, I want to focus on my writing, as I still enjoy doing it, and it's something I don't feel "forced" into doing or being. Commissions I take when I want to. Personal stories I write when I want to. Poetry I write when I want to or feel a need to "get it all out."

So yeah, guess you can say I'm hanging up the gloves, so to speak, but it's not like I'm done, done with the fighting side of the fandom. I've made amazing friends over the years, some of whom I still talk to to this day and enjoy their company. I still enjoy having a private bout or sparring session with a fellow fighter, even if things don't get sexual. But it's taken over too much of my identity to where I felt like I was losing myself to myself. Maybe I just got overzealous and didn't know when to slow down or stop.

I know I'll lose contact with folks or some will lose interest with me because of this; it doesn't surprise me in the slightest. I'll simply cherish those who understand and are willing to stick around in my life.


Much love,
Rickie Paszek 💚


PS: Similarly, I may do the same for Jamie, as in having him "retire" from wrestling, but I don't know what to do with him outside of that realm. I've thought about having him take on a small modeling career, but that's all I got for him.

PPS: I have toyed with the idea of getting a small comic made of Rickie (and maybe Jamie) doing this very thing but not sure on that yet. So far it's just an outline and I have yet to write up a script as of this journal.

Story commissions are now closed!
Will hopefully complete them all much quicker than I usually do, because I've definitely slowed down over the years 😅

Soon enough, many of our ways of life in this community will become illegal and we'll be considered enemies of the state for just existing.

Good job, America. You've proven your ignorance once again with zero empathy. Well done.

Fucking imbeciles...

After Cohost was drawing to a close and seeing how this place is a bit uncertain, I decided to try my paws at building my own website. I think I'm close to something I like that also doesn't look too terrible, so hopefully the home page will look more presentable and the other pages will get done soon-ish (as in within the next couple months, maybe). Regardless, I feel comfortable enough to share it a lot more now.

If you wanna check it out, here's the link --> https://tigerwriter93.neocities.org/

You can also find said link on my profile page and on my linktree.

What will I put on it? I have no idea yet. Posting my stories on there sounds...daunting tbh. Might post a few art pieces on there too, but not like I do here where I post damn near everything I've gotten over the years. Maybe some blog posts, poems, photos, who knows. Sky's the limit!

Hey, so, I have a Bluesky now. Go follow it if you want/if you're on there as well! I'll most likely be using it for commission and writing updates for now, but we'll see.

https://bsky.app/profile/tigerwriter93.bsky.social

Got synths on the brain lately. If you don't know what those are, they are a species created by  vader-san and they are starting to grow on me. I normally don't go for robotic-like species/OCs in general, lol.

The sucky part is I lack the drawing skills and patience to design a synth of my own, considering I only can think of, like, one aspect I want for it. Hopefully that will happen one day.

Idk, yo. Synths look hot and cute, and I love how modular they can be, according to the canon; it tickles my TFTG interest in a way, hehe.

Yep...

As you most likely know by now, Dragoneer passed away recently. I do have some mixed feelings about him due to certain allocations brought up in the past, though I'll admit I've never met him personally. And, yes, FA isn't the greatest gallery site, though nothing's perfect. However I will acknowledge he put a lot of time and care to keep FA running, even sacrificing his own needs to do so, from what I hear.

While I don't know what the business side of things are like running this site, I'm a bit worried about the future and what will happen to FA. It's where I and many others have started their roots as artist, writers, musicians, or just members of the community in general. Dragoneer has created possibly the central hub for all creative works furry, and it's become a core part of our community.

There's no other place like it...

RIP  dragoneer

Go check it out if you're on there or prefer that site over this one >>> https://tigerwriter93.sofurry.com/

Just finished getting the backlog of stories caught up there, though I still would like to clean it up a bit (mainly get rid of all those irrelevant journal entries).

I'll probably write up something a little more elaborate later on what my future plans are.

It's official: I'm leaving Twitter (or X I guess) for real this time. I lost interest in being there more and more, and with recent news of Emerald Boy planning to charge all users on the platform, that sealed the deal. No one should be paying anything to use a social media or blogging platform for regular, general use. Besides, with all the drama, egotism, "canceling" bs, politics, and social justice issues I've seen on there over the years...I've become sick of it all. I can only process so much mentally and emotionally, let alone deal with my own issues.

I'm still on the fence about joining BlueSky and/or Mastodon. I've already had several people offer me BlueSky codes, but I've declined all offers thus far.

FA has been the major platform for me when it comes to showing off my writing and gaining an audience. Twitter seemed to come and go, depending on when and what I posted. Plus, with how much major social media relies way too much on a stupid algorithm, there's just no way I could keep up to stay relevant or whatever.

Once I begin the deletion process for my Twitter account, I will no longer be reachable on there.

Here's my linktree:
https://linktr.ee/tigerwriter93

I can be found on the following (will add this list to my profile page and update as needed):
- FurAffinity
- Cohost
- Pillowfort
- Discord
- Telegram

I do have a SoFurry, Weasel, and Furry Network floating around, but I no longer go on those anymore.

Thank you, Elon Musk, for making me flush 12 years down your emerald-coated toilet. You piece of shit.

I am willing to write any genre with any rating (general, questionable, mature, extreme), so long as the story features anthro characters. This doesn't mean I'm not willing to write human characters, however.

Regarding Fanfictions: It depends on what show/movie/franchise you would like me to write about. If I'm not familiar with it, I won't write about it. Please let me know which specific show/movie/franchise, you have in mind.

You can find all the details on commissioning me below. PLEASE read everything before contacting me!

---

Max/Min word count for stories:
Min = 1,000 | Max = 10,000
- The reason for the minimum count is because I want to be sure your story will have enough "meat" in it, even if you want it that short.
- The maximum count is how long of a story I'm willing to write for you, but also allow for flexibility on length if need be.
- Keep in mind, you may request any word count of any length, so long as it falls between 1,000 & 10,000.

I base my prices on $0.01/word. To give a rough estimate based on my Max/Min word counts:
- 1,000 words will be $10USD
- 5,000 words will be $50USD
- 10,000 words will be $100USD
- Essentially, this is $10/1,000 words.
- Word count pricing will be rounded to the nearest 100 word mark to make things easier. (i.e. a story that has a final word count of 5,235 will rounded down for 5,200 words; conversely, a story with a final word count of 3,188 will be rounded up to 3,200 words).

I strive to honor commission requests with desired word counts. Please don't hesitate to offer suggestions in case the proposed final word count ends up being +/- 100 words or more than your desired word count; I don't want to overcharge or undercharge too much if I can avoid it.

---

Payment & Communication:
- Please send me either a rough outline or brief synopsis of what you want to happen in your story! It doesn't have to be detailed for the entire story, just enough to get me started. If your synopsis seems like you're basically writing the whole story, there's a high possibility I won't write it.
- Regarding OCs: Please send me a reference of some kind so I know what they look like. Don't have a ref? Describe them and describe them well enough to get me started! Also, please let me know, briefly, what their personality is like and what their backstory is (if they have one). I require both of these even if they may not seem very good. Again, this is to help me get a rough idea of what you want.
- Payment transactions will be conducted via PayPal link I will send you once payment is due. My currency is in USD, so please plan for conversion rates accordingly if necessary.
- Payment is due upon completion of the draft. If you would like to pay sooner, please let me know.
- Communication can be through either private messages (Discord or Telegram) or FA notes. You can find my contact info on my linktree.

---

Cancellation & Denial of Commission Requests:

If I or the commissioner wishes to cancel a story commission, I ask for this to be stated in writing. I have every right to deny a commission if it falls under the "Won't Write" list below, or if it seems like the commissioner is already writing the story when contacting me. Other reasons for cancellation include, but are not limited to:
- If I'm lead to believe you're harassing me
- Dodgy behavior
- Long-term denial of payment or dodging payment all together without prior communication (I understand that all of us have lives outside of the internet and financial woes happen from time to time)
- If you're not satisfied before paying the full amount and do not wish for me to continue

I want this to be an enjoyable experience for everyone: you, the readers, and myself.

---

List of what I won't write about. Period:
- Fight-themed stories (you know the kinds I'm talking about), as I'm tired of writing those.
- Stories that are more than one chapter or part. This is because I would rather write completed one-shots for commissions. Sequels are fine, however, as I consider those separate stories in their own right and not an additional sub-plot to a larger story.
- ABDL & Cub (I'm not against this by any means and am aware of the hate for those who enjoy this; I simply don't feel comfortable writing these types of scenes)
- Farting
- Scat
- Watersports (in the extreme fetish sense; light foreplay/"marking" is okay with me)
- Snuff of any kind (death is okay if it fits the narrative, but not in the extreme fetish sense this implies)
- Puking (in the extreme fetish sense)
- Gore of any kind (in the extreme fetish sense)
- Zoophilia or implying zoophilia
- Pedophilia or implying pedophilia
- Rape or implying rape (Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) is a grey area; please discuss with me first for this)

If the fetish/kink you want isn't on the no-write list or if you're just unsure, feel free to ask about it. I'm fairly lax when it comes to writing stories about the more stranger fetishes/kinks that don't necessarily fall in this list, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'll write about those themes.

---

ADDITIONAL SERVICES:

Don't want a story but looking for someone to write up an article, script, poem, or really anything other than a piece of fiction? I'm willing to do those as well! Same guidelines, pricing, and terms still apply.
- Up to a maximum of 10,000 words
- No minimum word count

Need an editor for something? I'll be willing to edit any piece of written work for a flat rate of $10/1,000 words. Same guidelines and terms still apply.
- Can edit multiple pieces of writing at once if desired
- Up to a maximum of 10,000 words per piece
- Individual pieces are priced separately
- Pricing is based on the initial word count when I receive the piece to be edited; any change in word count will not affect pricing
- Count will be rounded down for pricing: i.e. a piece that is 4,321 words will be priced for 4,000 words, and a piece that is 4,999 will also be priced for 4,000 words
- Can either redline and comment on a piece, or full-on edit it myself with minimal to no commentary


You may upload or share around your commissioned piece if you wish. Please keep in mind that I take credit for writing the piece, so I ask that you link back to my upload or my profile page. This also applies for editor requests, though I will not be uploading the finished product for those. I will also not upload non-story commissions, however I do ask you please still credit me when uploading.

Again, please get in touch with me if you're still confused or have questions about commissioning me.

Thank you,
Rickie Paszek

To keep things simple for now until I decide to start posting my stories elsewhere as well as here, I decided to create a telegram channel to do just that. I'll admit, it's quite redundant, as I'll be primarily sharing FA links to my stories and yet I'm advertising it on here. However, I am open to suggestions for new places to post to outside of FA.

In any case, go sub to my channel if you want ^^

https://t.me/+waoWrmjdr7BlMTNh

If you've noticed my recent art uploads, here's as brief of an explanation as to why:

Ever since January of this year, I've been seriously exploring my feminine side. While I have had vague, curious thoughts to have a woman's body in the past, specifically having boobs and/or lady parts, I've never taken them too seriously or wrote them off as just me being a pervert. They just came and went and I never dug too deep into them in the past.

Since then, I've tried a few things to make me look, or at least feel, more feminine: wearing bras (padded and not padded), painting my nails, wearing silicone breasts, tucking, shaving all the body hair (or as much as I can get), even trying on women's shorts, tanktops, shapewear, even buying a pair of women's jeans. While this may not sound like much and I mainly keep this in my home or at my boyfriend's. It all feels...nice ^^

To add in the more fantasy sense, I also decided to change my fursona to a lady tiger and have already gotten a number of art pieces of her. All of them either make me feel euphoric about being a strong, fighty tiger lady, or gender affirming because I see myself as her, even if my secondary sex characteristics don't match up. I've noticed I connect with her much more than when she was male. I also play....way too much Runescape, haha, but in that game, I changed my character to a female and have yet to revert back to male; it's definitely made the game more fun for me to play. Like with my fursona, I feel a lot more connected with her now.

I never knew there was a term for how I felt about my body until I began asking around and looking into being transgender, how that process typically goes (for trans women, specifically), and finding commonalities of dysphoria between myself and other trans women. While I could go into details about this part of my little exploration into femininity and gender identity, I've realized it all comes down to one thing: I'd rather have a woman's body than a man's body. The curvy figure, little to no body hair, no facial hair, B O O B I E S, wider hips, lady parts...it all sounds amazing!

The more and more I explored and researched how transitioning typically goes, there's one other thing I've realized I'm not a huge fan of....and that would be my voice. Sadly, while hormone therapy (or HRT) will naturally lower a trans man's voice, it doesn't work the same way for trans women; once that larynx drops, there's no going back. To change this, I have two options: 1) commit to voice training/therapy to try and feminize my voice so it sounds natural and not like I'm trying to imitate a woman. Or 2) surgery. However, given that I'm not quite sure how feminine I really am and that I don't talk much, this aspect will have to get put on the backburner for the time being.

As for my privates, all I'll really say here is that I feel...indifferent about them. I'm not a huge fan, as that area is next to useless for me, but I've accepted by this point that I'll have to deal with that until/if I get bottom surgery.

Now, if you're a cis male or trans male well into your transitioning and you enjoy having everything that comes with a male body, awesome! You do you my dudes! Just remember, there's more to being a man than just looking like one.

Getting into the specifics of my gender identity, I'm starting to find more and more that I don't fully identify as 100% male anymore, if at all. Yet, as much as I would rather have a more feminine figure and body, I don't 100% identify as female either.

I'll be honest, I'd most likely dress and act more tomboyish as a woman. Yet...it's kinda hard seeing other trans women going full-on with their identity, dressing up to the nines, and rejecting their assigned gender entirely, when, for me...I just don't identify as that. It's hard feeling that I'd be valid or be able to pass as a woman because of that. Honestly, the most feminine I'd dress like would be a dress on occasion, if I owned one; otherwise, I'd probably dress the same as I do now as a man: shorts/jeans, t-shirt/tanktop, and a hoodie. Really, for me, when it comes to clothing in general, I dress more practical or casual and not so much dress to impress.

This is why I think I may also be NB or, more specifically, a demigirl. Not exactly either gender in the binary, but possibly slightly more feminine than masculine.

Now, after all that experimenting and exploring how I truly feel about my gender identity, I've found the next step was to seek therapy. I've already done one session with someone last week and have another appointment with them in a couple days, and I suspect this will continue for, maybe, about a month or so. While I'm still a little unsure if I'm actually trans or not, I still believe therapy will help with this, along with other mental issues I've ignored for too long and just...dealt with.

While I may be jumping the gun here, I have looked into HRT and bottom surgery a bit as well. First off, I will say, it's all fascinating stuff (yay being a Biology nerd!). And reading others' experiences with HRT and bottom surgery and seeing resulting photos (specifically for trans women), it's encouraging and euphoric for me to see what I could look like. Yes, I am aware of the side affects and that it will take quite some time AND that hormones won't change everything.

I know this will be a very long journey that'll be tough along the way. But I'd like to think I'm a strong woman; I'm certain I can handle this.

Currently, as you could probably guess, I'm AMAB and 28 years old as of writing this. For the time being, I'm publicly preferring he/she/they pronouns, but I think I'm starting to like the idea of just she/they instead. I do have a new name in mind, but I haven't mentioned to be called by that just yet. Ricky, however, will still be Ricky; no spelling change or name change entirely, since pretty much everyone knows me by that name anyway and, honestly, I still like it ^^

It is done.

From now on, I will be only uploading to here, along with replying to comments and notes. I will not be doing anything over on my old account, aside from deactivating it after letting it sit dormant for a month or so.

With that said, I have a few pieces I've gotten over the past month or so and will post any that get finished between now and...whenever they get done. I'm also finishing up my very last story commission and will post that here when that's all done.

I guess what to look forward to after that would be personal stories by me or ones I've offered to write for my friends. Some art I get I might post in my main gallery, but majority of that will go directly to Scraps and be sorted into the appropriate folder(s).

I will say this: Despite my past art being mostly boxing and wrestling and any future art pieces I might get being relevant to those themes...that's not me. I'm by no means a wrestler, and I'm not a boxer in the sense that I compete; I've only tried that two times in my life for roughly two months each, mainly as something fun to keep me active and strong. So, if you're here for just that, check out my Scraps folder. Very rarely have I written stories with these themes, as I like varying my stories' themes and locals (or try to, anyway).

What I want to do is go back to my original intentions for my sona and how I present myself in the fandom: a tiger (duh), a writer (duh), someone who enjoys the natural world, and a general geek.

I'm not this...this superstar fighter, like many seem to see me as. I guess I can thank a certain RP group for starting that train where the breaks seem to have been shot. Honestly, that stuff was all fun and I met some cool people through it, some of whom I still talk to to this day. But the whole wrestling and boxing thing is just...a mild, side-interest for me, nothing more. And RPing was just a random curiosity I had when I first got into the fandom and wanted to become a better writer. Now I no longer have the time or desire to RP anymore. Wrestling and boxing....that will be dialed WAY back from now on. Again...that's not...me.

Some of you may know I run a telegram channel called Furry Fight Night (https://t.me/furryfightnight); I will still run this channel as I still like finding cool, quality fight art from any discipline, culture, time period, etc. I started this thing a year or two ago and it's been growing little by little; I'm not giving that up.

Think that's about all I have to say. If I think of anything else, I'll add it to this journal (or not).