After today, better. I'm still really tender and sensetive. Emotional cuts and bruises aren't fast healing but... Things might improve so... good.

So, i was lying in bed thinking about all kinds of stuff, right? And I was thinking "Boy I wish there was a place where I could right down all the things worrying me and stuff." and then I came to thoughts of what to right and what not to right and I remembered that FA has a journal feature and then I waffled about whether people should really see my thoughts layed out in text and I decided that if I wrote it without correcting my spelling in long meandering run-on sentances that most people wouldn't bother to read it anyway and I could get away with putting in really private stuff like how I have this friend who is really into sex RPs and stuff and apparently is up for freaking anything because I've
heard him talk about stuff that really kinda squiks me, but I don't wanna judge him cuz he's my friend it's not my joob to tell what he shouldn't be in to and I'd still be his friend so no reason to make a big deal about it, but then he like never RPs with me and when I mentioned I might want to do my kinky stuff he was all "like whareally gross stuff?" and I told him and he had apparently done it all already which I guess is cool but y'know it's still pretty weird he is gallivanting around with all these other people he knows and never even hits on me or makes a move even though we both find eachother to be attractive in all respects and love RPing, and it gets even weirder because he's always complaining about how he's alone and like I never talked to him but he's really bad with talking to me or something because he never says anything unless I bring it up, so if he's so bored and lonely where all these people I don't know and when the hell is he talking to them?
Speaking of people I don't know there's this other guy who I really like. Like, for reals you guys, and for a month he's been gathering more and more contacts until he's got 16 conversations going at once and finds it so stressful that he can't even be bothered to sign in anymore and say hi in the morning or whatever, even though he says I'm his best friend and that he's also interested and stuff but when we talk he seems distracted and like he doesn't really want to be invested in the conversation and just like he doesn't really need me anymore. I have his phone number so that he could contact me in emergencies cuz y'know I'm hus friend and all, and he says he'd do the same for me but he never checks his text messages, or if he does he never responds to them and he always keeps his phone on mute anyway so if I really needed some support he's really the last guy I could count on. Now that I think about it, at certain times the only people I could count on are the kinky guy and my ex, which isn't so bad I mean I'm still great friends with my ex he's mah bud and I love him but he's not the first person I would pick to go to in a situation like that since it would bring up a lot of old emotional baggage that's a whole nother rant in itself.
Speaking of my ex, sine I broke up with him I've started developing feelings for not one, but two really nice boys and that's kinda weird because one of them I really, really like and the other one seems to have the same feelings about me as I do about the first guy, and the worst part is they're friends too so if I told either of them then they'd be mad at eachother and that would be bad. I also really like this third guy but I see him as kinda taken, even though he's single. He and his best friend have been dancing around eachother for years and they're really a couple of the best people I hang out with. They're cool, smart, funny, and they really care about me and my feelings and wellbeing, as I do them. I really care about all my friends that way, but since our relationships exist souly as streams of data floating back and forth between monitors and headsets I sometimes wonder if they feel the same, or could feel the same. I know that pair do, god knows they've hammered it home, but the others I'm not so sure of, and it worries me a lot. Like that guy I like, the first one not the other one,
he says he cares a lot but he's never offered to call me when I'm crying like I've done for him and he doesn't seem to really understand my feelings. I'm not really being fair because I make a concerted effort and have years of experiene and apparently a decent talent for understanding others feelings, which helps me out a lot when helping others, but for some reason I tend to retain the emotions of the person I helped, like I sponged them out, and then they float around in me just sort of being felt until something happens that they latch on to and make me feel it ten times harder than I really should. Before I got on skype and made friends back in February, I considered myself an unemtional person. I had nothing to suck up, because I'd never had friends before that. I know that sounds like an exageration but really it's true. No friends. The only person who kind of understood me was my mother, and she was working a lot so I spent most of my childhood alone, either figuratively or literally,
and now I have all these people around me that I actually care about and it's really overwhelming and stressful since I have no training for how to deal with it on my end. Sure, I can be great on their ends, I know how they feel and I can cheer them up or mourne and cry with them and do whatever it takes to make them feel better, but on my end I'm all thumbs.
I have no idea how to make myself feel better or stop being sad, and I'm starting to do things like suspect my friends of stuff and I don't want to be that sort of person? What do I get out of wondering why some friends didn't include me in an activity? Or why this person chose to hang out with that person instead of me? Isn't it enough that they wanted to and had a good time? Shouldn't I be perfectly happy as long as my friends are happy? Yes, so why am I not? I just don't get it. It's pretty selfish to be angry with someone just because I miss them. It's usually not even their fault, and usually they need my help more than I need help, at least in my book, so I push my feelings aside to elp others, and that makes me feel a little better about myself, but not so much better inside, know what I mean?

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5845499/

This artist is pretty good, and I didn't know about 'em! They're holding a fancy raffle so go join in!

UnderClocked is doing an awesome raffle for a 4-5 page comic! Check it out!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5848038/

Chu!

Pika-pi pika chu ka? Chu! Churrrr~

Sorry for the drama of that last journal.

I want to say that I do still want to do those things with you guys, but I'd really hope you'd consider me for some more serious RP stuff. I really, really like the sexy stuff, and how creative you guys are, and I think you could put that creativity to longer, more plot driven stuff too!

I'm really grumpy.

Maybe I should stop having NSFW RPs with people, if only because I want to have REGULAR RPs. I just want to have a cool adventure some times. I do really like sex, but I feel that nobody even considers me for plot related stuff. I feel like I don't have the respect of people in roleplay, not even from my boyfriend.

[NOTE: This doesn't mean I don't enjoy being intimate with you guys, just that I'm tired of feeling objectified, and yes I realize this makes me a hypocrite. I'm as much of a hornball as the rest of you. ]

Okay, so few people have expressed interest, but there have been a lot of question too.

1: The thing you are requesting me to work with is fleece. Y'know that stuff kigurumis and cheap blankets are made of? Yeah that.

2. These are SFW by default. If you really want me to try NSFW, we can talk about it, but I'm not sure I can do it or if I have the colors.

3. I can't handle anything like "twelve charizards on a unicycle", I can do simple patterns, outlines, suggestive imagery, but fleece starts to fall apart once you cut it small enough.

4. If you want one, tell me here or through a note.

I have a ton of leftover fleece in various colors. If you guys wanted, I could do tiny sampler requests.
Nothing fancy, I'm not pro, but silohettes, faces, and maybe little characters I can handle.

I just had a thought. If you look in my Gallery over yonder you'll see I made some scarf designs out of fleece, and I think they came out pretty good, so I was wondering if anyone would like me to make them anything like that?
Really it could be any piece of cloth, from a just a swatch to a full blanket, and I could price them accordingly; but for right now I'm thinking like, $15+shipping for a scarf commission?

Would anyone be interested in that? Do you think it's too much to charge?

Ey! I've recently made a bunch of new friends around here, but we rarely get the opportunity to trade Skype profiles.

Therefore I think I should say that my Skype name is the same as here, as it is 99% of all other sites and services. So if anyone anyone wants to contact me elsewhere, try just searching my name! You'll probably find me!

I'm so bored right now.

Stupendous. Marvelous. I couldn't feel better.

It feels wonderful to go to bed after a full day of doing jack fucking shit. I woke up at 4am so I could get the laziness started early, went back to sleep at nine, and then spent six hours in : Dreiker:'s stream chat.

A full day.

: Ronkoo: is a new and talented artist who's a bit strapped for cash. She opened some YCH Auctions, and I was literally her only taker! Granted, winning an auction for $10 is great, but her stuff is worth way more.

So if you are the sort of person who always wanted to win an auction, but have a grand total of $30 to your name, this is a opportunity! Go bid on her current auction!

I know I don't have a lot of followers, but I thought maybe even a little advertising might help.

Wow! Twitch has made it all the way to Saffron City!

It's a miracle.

Stay up till 5am dicking around you say? Don't eat anything other than salted peanuts you say? Well, it'll be a tall order, but I think someone of my genius might just manage it.

[i][...many hours later.../i]

I AM A GOD AMONG MEN! Truely my dicking prowess is second to some.

...I'ma sleep now.

I made a Tumblr where I post drawings and thoughts and stuff! But only one person ever pays attention to it, so it feels a little hollow...

If anyone cares to, they could check it out

Or, y'know, not.

jnj

Today marks the first time I've ever gotten to post anything actually furry related. That being the glory that is  lemoncore rendition of a chu, and now he's mine! I'm hoping to make a lot of commissions featuring him in the future!!

2pm, wakin' up in the afternoon. Gotta be fresh, gotta make scarves.

12am. Project "Bro's Scarf" complete. Move on to Project "Sweet Ass Espeon Scarf".
Status: Weary.

10am. Prjerrct "Speon Scrrf" complete. Mov on to Prrject "Mom Likes Gandalf and is the worlds hugest LotR fan"
Status: Bananas.

12pm. Had Brunch.
Status: UAUAAUUAUAUAAAAAAAAAaaaaaa!.....PAH!

Negative 30 degrees? Negative 30 degrees?! Eight inches of snow!?

Fuck you, Weather. Fuck you.

Sometimes I feel like knives are falling from the ceiling into my chest.

Maybe if I look at enough porn and make enough jokes I'll feel better.

I once ate the cardboard box that had previously held Cheez-Nips because:

A. I was really fucking hungry.
B. It tasted about the same.
C. I was five.

I just tried turning on SFW and looking in my favorites.

There was like, one page, of stuff I haven't seen in years. I need to see a doctor.

Story

First was yes and then died.

verafter.

End.

I think my brother my have snuck onto my computer while I was asleep, and I left FA on...

This is going to cause difficulties, I foresee.