Not a day goes by that I'm not reminded how much I hate the public parks system in my state. There was a lodge downstate that they tore down, along with a nearby nature center. Both were places I'd spent a lot of time in. The lodge was a fantastic old building, probably starting life as a farmhouse, built in typical style for many regional farmhouses, 3 stories high, filled to the brim with vintage furniture and interior decor, and a huge dining room with sliding glass doors looking out over the nearby marshland. Probably going to be replaced with some ugly modern building.

They're also going to replace a local nature center, another one located in a historic house, and I'm reminded about that every time I hike the nearby trails. The parking lot will also be moved from its nice compact location nestled in forest and significantly enlarged.

I made a bad decision. I made an X account, for posting art! So follow me on there if you're there as well. https://x.com/BardaWolf89

Maybe I'll use it. Maybe I'll forget I ever created it. Still gonna post art here and on Deviantart. Don't worry

Just wear a loincloth in summer. Honestly nothing worse than gotting hot and sweaty in 90 degree heat and having sweat soaked clothes sticking to you.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/61533907/

Take a look!

Well, for the first time in awhile I got in a massive argument with my parents. Like screaming and cursing, probably audible to my neighbors. Just a build up of a lot of frustrations. We apologized and everything's good now, but I hate that it happened at all. Just been having a really hard time lately, and it finally came to a head when I got yelled at by my neighbor for trying to mow his yard while he was washing his car. I'm in a lot of pain due to digestive problems. Tired all the time due to same digestive issues and depression. Felt so terrible yesterday I ended up cancelling a landscaping job that I've been trying to get done for weeks. Mower hasn't been working well on my lawns(my fault tbh for not doing maintenance and replacing faulty parts) Haven't been able to socialize at all, because few of my local friends have been available, and my autism group hasn't been meeting. No joke, I go to the convenience store to buy food at least once a day just to interact with people

Been working with doctors on the digestive issues. The trouble is I don't know how to fix those. I've had them my entire life, but for some reason they've been worse than ever, even with my reasonably healthy diet based entirely around broccoli and chicken. The problem I have I shouldn't have with a healthy diet, because its usually caused by a poor diet

Something very very frustrating is having ideas for things you want to plant, or do, or build, but you can't because you live at home, and you live in a suburb, and your neighbors will complain, and your parents will complain. And every house that comes up for sale is grossly overpriced and out of your price range because people from all over are flooding your state in droves.

One of my incomes involves selling stuff locally. Most of the time this is junk I find. Sometimes I'll fix/redo it. Well, sometimes I'll find something very desirable. And I'll have a lot of people messaging me all at once. And its silly, but I feel guilty I can only sell it to one person. I've even had instances of people offering more money so I'd sell to them. But I've already promised it to somebody else. Should I mention I also often undercharge for these items? I find something cool, and want to charge a certain price, but feel guilty. So I lower it before I list the item. Then realize I should've asked more as I'm bombarded with messages.

One of the messages made me feel particularly guilty, because the woman had several chairs painted the exact same color and in matching style to this glider I was selling. But at the time I already had a buyer. Was one of the few times I secretly wished the deal fell through so I could sell to somebody else.

Speaking of deals falling through, I'd estimate buyers don't show up like 50% of the time or higher. Maybe even 2/3. Believe it or not it used to be even worse. I was having only 1 out of 6 show up for a time.

I'm a person who generally dislikes authority. Through much of my life its been a stifling force. Frustrating, a destroyer of fun, creativity and opportunity. A reason to not go out and explore.

I've had an overwhelmingly negative experience with park rangers. Once as a child a park ranger wanted to fine my family because I took a very common species of fern from the woods. I was like 10 at the time. There were several other negative experiences after that. And today's experience was yet another to add to the pile. One of the local public parks has a dump site for yard waste in the middle of it. And we'd cut through it to circle back around to the park entrance, stopping briefly to look at an old ex-military truck parked there. This area is not fenced off, its on public land, and has one sign saying you can't dump yard waste there on days when its closed. This park ranger, who looks like he could be 16, walks up to us. Says its private property. I tell him no, this is public park land. We have a back and forth before I walk off. I'm very hot headed, so continuing the argument would've been a bad idea. But that tanked my mood for awhile

I was gonna say my experience with police has been far better. But thinking about it it really hasn't, haha. They see a guy with long hair, who also has trouble communicating, and throw the book at you. I'd say my experience with them is 40/60 at best. Had 2 positive experiences, and maybe 3-4 negative.

I probably asked this before, so sorry if I'm repeating myself. Is there another site furries use more than Furaffinity? I'd like to get more eyes on my artwork. Not that I'm planning on leaving this site. Just want an additional platform to post on.

Commissions open. Also let me know if I still owe you one.

Went to Taco Bell for the first time in awhile today, and I hate it. The entire interior is gray. I'm talking everything including the tables and chairs. Even the crazy southwest style art our local one had is gone. Replaced with very generic plain corporate looking art. Outside sucks too. Purple and gray. Who saw the color purple and decided that should be the official color scheme of a Mexican restaurant?

This is specifically for big hotel chains, as a favorite youtuber of mine wrote a critical review for one of the large chains, only to find it deleted soon after. So just keep that in mind looking at hotel reviews on Google.

I've been wanting a SNES for a long time, so finally went and bought one a few months back, along with Super Mario World, a game I played a lot as a kid. And man was it hard. Finally beat it last night. Its a fun game though.

.....

I don't think Americans ever stop to really consider the effects of letting in millions of newcomers. The responses to concerns of overpriced housing or overcrowding are usually met smugly with pictures of population maps of the US, pictures of our emptier regions. The midwest, the deserts, plains, etc. Yet when people move here they tend to move to major cities. Where I live the price for a 1 bedroom apartment jumped from $850 to $1500 a month on the low end.

I also wouldn't advocate packing people into every square inch of the country. Our wide open spaces and wild places are an asset. Its funny, often the same people advocating this are the same ones that prevent development near their homes at every opportunity.

From somebody who's seen a lot of the open space near them gobbled up by development at the same time as he's seen a flood of newcomers.

Well it was cold yesterday, and its warm today. I bet that changes again tomorrow. Fun of living near the coast

I was just watching a trailer for the new Dragon Age, and there's a pet Gryphon that acts like a dog. Even has big wide goofy eyes. Why not take inspiration from birds? Why does every fantasy animal have to be a dog? I had this complaint when Train Your Dragon came out years ago.

Do you feel like moving further
Into the worlds longest undefended border
Where a Bear track a drop of blood for miles and miles
desperate with hunger

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgacDgegH-o

Song is called "Leader of The Lost Expedition", by a band called The Warped 45s. Its a good band. I'm surprised their music hasn't gotten more traction. The use a lot of imagery and themes based around the far north of Canada, working class life, and in many cases raw emotion.

Idk why, but been getting bad anxiety in the evenings lately. I've had it to a degree my entire life, occasionally suffering attacks. And these episodes are coming pretty close to anxiety attacks again.

I know it's related to my diet, as I get them more when I'm eating unhealthy foods. Unhealthy foods also seem to screw with my mind, making it harder to concentrate and causing me to lash out. Those same foods also cause me intestinal problems, even in small amounts, and often a pretty bad upset stomach as well. Consequently most of what I eat is pretty healthy. Beans, rotisserie chicken, rice, broccoli. Treats are almost completely out. The only things sweet I can tolerate is some nutella, chocolate, or a glazed donut. Can't have ice cream, donuts with filling, most cereal and milk, cereal bars, milkshakes, soda, most candy, cake, most muffins. As a lover of sweets its a frustrating thing. And giving up unhealthy food completely has been impossible.

Also been trying to date, as I think loneliness factors into the anxiety. As of late I also rarely get to chat with anyone through voice other than my parents. Sometimes I go out to buy food just to hear the person at the counter.

If anyone has any suggestions for treating anxiety I'd be interested in them. Or if this is something you can relate to.

I've had it with this shithole. Every day is a new frickin misery. The people suck. Its congested. Its way too expensive. If I could leave tomorrow I would. There's just no fixing any of it. And every day people make it worse.

Well, LOTR sucks now, LOL
Joking a bit. It's just the new LOTR media that sucks. The Peter Jackson trilogy is still fantastic.
Am I surprised? Not really. Just don't get why this keeps happening

Some alternative sites I'm on if any of you guys are on those/in case Fa kicks the bucket.

https://www.deviantart.com/bardawolf The one I use most other than Furaffinity

https://www.weasyl.com/~bardawolf

Looks like I picked the wrong time to start posting to Weasyl again. Seems like a lot of those I watched stopped posting in 2017 or so. Is that site dead? Cant find active user numbers.

Also was considering making a twitter, but idk, I hate the way that site is set up in regards to posting art. Feel free to give your thoughts.

I watched episode 3 again to test a dvd player I'm going to sell. And man is it just as good as I remember. There's some pretty substantial flaws, don't get me wrong. Like the CGI didn't age very well. Some of the writing isn't so good, and some of the characters' back stories were a little iffy. But there was so much good there as well. We got tons of world building. The battles felt like they had weight to them. All the new crazy Alien societies Lucas came up with. I cared about this universe and the people living in it. Ewin McGregor's Obiwan. Palpatine and his backstory. Even most of the supporting characters were good.

There's even stuff in the prequels I liked better than the originals(I know, blasphemy).

They keep making live action versions of animated properties. And I don't know of any live action movie/show that was an improvement over the original animation. Lord of the Rings may be the only exception, but it was also never intended for animation. As opposed to something like the Lion King, which doesn't work well outside of animation.

Curious if anyone disagrees, or if you have any animated movies you think were improved by being done in live action.

I tell ya, lately its been a real struggle to keep some semblance of happiness. And tonight I'm able to pry myself away from depressing stuff, like current events, and the other nonsense that make me feel helpless and depressed. Find vids on youtube that uplift my spirit, get into an art piece I wanted to do, and feel a rare moment of calm and level headedness. And wouldn't you know it I forget about an item I had cooking and ruin an entire bag of Broccoli. Just completely ruined my mood. And now I'm just angsty and fuming. God, I hate my life.

Between the loneliness, failed attempts at dating. Watching my country fall apart around me, with seemingly no one trying to prevent it. And my God awful sleep schedule that sees most of the day wasted sleeping. And just being a loser sperg who cant socialize worth a damn with anyone under 65. With anyone outside the fandom I try to talk to it just seems like all they care about is sports and celebrities.

Its like I want to do shit with people, like actual active participation stuff. But my attention span is so fucked its hard to sit still and enjoy something.

The only thing I find satisfaction in other than art is my job. And I finish that for the day and just get depressed.

About 50% of my life is like this.