We have an interesting dilemma in the world: is humanity actually special? Throughout the ages, humans have held on to all matter of idiotic notions in a desperate attempt to try and feel superior to all other life forms in the universe. At first, it was thought/reason, with people believing that animals only operated on instinct, then it became about religion (the “only humans have souls” levels of stupidity), then it became about technology, and then it became about art.

Perhaps it is the nature of having an ego that causes us to waste so much time trying to differentiate ourselves from everything else, while at the same time hobbling that identity with our instincts towards conformity. Humans are not rationale and have never had to be in order to survive. Machines and software have to be logical and functional in order to be effective. It’s a fascinating conflict of existence, but does it have to be a conflict?

I’ve never been great at drawing, mainly because I cannot break myself away from perfection and relax, so I don’t like the time it takes to make physical media. At the and same time, one of my art instructors said that if you don’t enjoy making art, it isn’t that you dislike art, it’s that you are using the wrong tools. It’s sort of like using a 2B pencil your whole life, maybe because you can’t afford anything else or it’s the easiest tool available. A 2B pencil can only do so much. Then there is the whole range of graphite hardness, then inks, gels, charcoal, and then colors: acrylic, oil, water, pastel, wines, etc.

And then there is digital art, where we have simulated the effects of all of the physical media above. This, for now, gets a pass, because the artist is still doing a lot of manual work and refining. But is digital art “fair” to traditional artists? I’ll bet most traditional artists will say no. Then you have 3D applications, with their advanced materials and lighting. Is 3D art “fair” to 2D digital artists? I’ll bet the 2D digital artists will say no.

At what point does an artist “cheat,” then? Is it third party stencils with 2D art? Brushes others have made in 2D digital art? Textures or materials others have made in 3D art? No one has a real answer, because there isn’t one, only opinions based on widely different levels of critical thought. These are all very legitimate questions and concerns, though. With “AI” (real AI isn’t a thing yet) applications, the questions get even more complicated.

As someone who has supported many artists over the years, I’m of mixed opinions on FA’s unenforceable and unrealistic ban on generative media. I want to see human effort rewarded. If anyone can press a button to make something, anyone will, and time and effort will always be the factor of separation between what is “good” or “bad.” Soon, we won’t be able to tell definitively what is generative, and there are already human artists being harassed and put down and told to change their styles. That is just wrong. Blanket bans don’t actually make anything go away, they are just meant to calm down the masses through security theatre and bullshit.

At the same time, furries, and by extension this site, are heavily blinded by what art encompasses. It’s visual. Except it isn’t. Writers are artists, musicians are artists, filmmakers are artists, game designers are artists, engineers are artists. I encompass all of it because I’ve never been able to be good at just one thing, and that sucks, honestly. These generative tools are a godsend because it allows me to use the skills I have tried to build upon and maintain over the last couple decades and finally use them to their full capacity, if my day job didn’t get in the way. People have always viewed me as a threat because of my intellectual capacity, creativity, and adaptability.

As someone who sunk $26,000 in debt to be a writer (I just loved writing, so I majored in what I loved), ChatGPT is the equivalent “threat” that Stable Diffusion is to many of you. But I love playing with it. If you are a real pro at what you do, you’ll quickly see how limited these tools, though amazing, are.

The way in which artists will navigate this rapidly evolving future is already in play: those of you that twitch stream (or equivalent) have already tapped into how you will survive. It is creativity as a social, live process no matter what tool you use. As someone who is generally antisocial, I definitely resent this new hell of human existence, as I am nobody’s content monkey. At the end of the day, I create tools for myself to push myself and my understanding as an individual. I do want to be better about sharing that with others, because I think that it is helpful, but it has never been a necessary priority. I suppose I am truly lucky in that way.

The whole point of progress and evolution is to make it easier for future generations to live and do what we do now, only better and faster. Technology always wins in the end, no matter what we think about it. There is a natural reason why, but this journal is already too long. :) In summation, I encourage everyone to be the best apex engineer and designer that you can personally be, no matter the medium. Philosophy and debate are fantastic, but we still have to get shit done in the end.

If you are, too, have fun! :D I am getting ready for the fursuit menagerie, but if any watchers see me, feel free to flag me down. Look for the gray raccoon with nuclear red UV warpaint markings. I tend to be oblivious, so younmight have to really shout to get my attention. :p If my glasses are off, I will not see you at all, just a blur. So far, my zig-zag duct taped hot glue seams are holding their own, which is good, though some of the parts of my arms need further airbrushing. All this moving around has exposed some white patches that weren’t visible with the way the fur was brushed prior.

I really should get better at creating more content. Luckily, I am about to have a lot more free time as I stop playing games (RIP Wildstar) and do a more creative work on the side. The first thing I am going to complete is my first suit, and I have already created several designs using 3-D printed parts that are essentially a universal use-your-own-eyes 3D model. The idea is to open source it and I will post a screenshot of the model once it is further along and ready to be printed. My first version had a little too much “dog face” and so I have tapered the cheeks, made the muzzle bridge wider, and also lifted the muzzle to have a more natural curve with the forehead to look more coonie.

One downside of having a day job that is creative is that I don’t always have the energy to be creative for my own projects once I get home. In fact, I can tell when I am on vacation because I remember my dreams more, and they are more intense and real. When I output all of my creativity through work, I dream less. Any of you in a similar situation? I used to combat that kind of fatigue with meditation, but that activity is too easy to cut out of the day.

Furry has been a huge passion of mine for many years, and this suit is the culmination of a long journey in this fandom. I started out not wanting one. I wore a full digi suit and, while it was cool, the heat buildup was more than I could tolerate. However, after coming across an artist called Magpiebones, her realistic style and the way in which you use your own eyes captured my imagination. After being denied a few times to get on her queue—no hard feelings, she is hella busy and popular—I decided that it was time to take the plunge and try to make my own suit. And, as a 3D modeler, it was a chance to make passive cooling an inherent property of the design.

Halloween is always a time where I get inspired to try new techniques and new technologies for costume making, and I’m taking advantage of this year’s Halloween energy to get into airbrushing, sewing, another work, and clothing design. I had intended to do all of this last year but the 3-D printing curve cost me several hundred hours as I am not the best at organic or character modeling. With that out-of-the-way now, I am much better positioned to get this project completed for real. :)

I won’t have my suit done for MFF, but I will finally have a TK 1.0 ready in order to have a TK 2.0 ready next year.

I just want to say that I am really glad that I attended MFF this year after some hesitancy. Even though the con reached toward the 9,000 furs level, it still felt small and, despite a few organizational bumps with lines, still operated smoothly. I was initially bummed that I wasn't going to have my partial done in time--not even close--but putting it on hold allowed me to just enjoy myself and not commit to any mistakes that were in my suit's design out of pressure of getting it done. I'll be posting some shots of the whole ordeal here, and might even ask to host a panel on the design principles of 3D printed fursuit parts for next year's MFF.

This was my first year sponsoring, and the shorter lines (I had to wait 15 seconds to pick up my badge) made the premium worth it. I had stuffed my face the night prior to the sponosor brunch because I'm too used to crappy "continental breakfasts" and that was a mistake: the food selection was epic. I might be biased coming from Alaska, but the con had the most affordable and most varied buffets I've seen anywhere for the price.

The raves are always a highlight for me, and I spent a good 12 hours at them in total. I was especially thankfully that the Dead Dog Dance went until past 1:30am. I really liked n00neimp0rtant's performance and found their selection perfect for a furry club (https://soundcloud.com/n00neimp0rtant-1). Thursday is always kind of slow for me (this year I spent the day in NW Indiana visiting furs who couldn't make it to Chicago), but then it's suddenly Sunday and that aura of "The End" is hanging in the air. As is typical, I dropped a few hundred $$$ on commissions.

As always, the best part of the con is just being in the same physical space as your friends. To Keesh, Tav, Mori, Varg, Maddie, Theo, Leo, Jester, Soren, Spunky, and the pizza rodent clan, I am thankful for your friendship. It made it very hard to leave. :) Hoping to add more names to that list for next year!

The rains hare returned and the chill is getting harsher with each darkening night here in the Alaskan Bush. It's been a phenominal summer and I am very thankful for the friends who have been there to experience it with me as we've criss crossed the state on hiking roadtrips. I am, at the same time, saddened by the untimely passing of Phoxtayl/Thom  phoxtayl. We've known each other since early High School, were roommates before we knew we were both furs, and I am very thankful that I got to hang out with him at MFF last year. In fact, it wasn't until we were both on Furtopia, posting at the same time, where we realized who the other person's online fursona was. :) We were at the same time table, our computers opposite each other, when he gave me this look.

"Sii?"
"Phoxtayl?"
"Holy shit! That's awesome!"

He was a great friend and will be missed. Wherever you are now, I hope you are happy and living the life you've dreamed of.

It is moments like this where I look back at the darker moments of my own life and realize just how far I have come. When I was brooding and isolated, growing up as an angsty teen, it was so easy to get lost in the day-to-day struggle of life, especially when life itself seems to contain very little change. At the time, looking up into the stars longingly, I never would have dreamed that I'd be living in Alaska now. When Wiley moved up, I was a tad envious! We never know what life is going to have in store for us in the future, good and bad.

Between the glaciers, the bush planes, and the fact that shit just goes wrong, I've had a few close calls up here. I have been tested professionally and personally in ways that school never trained me for. All in all, I am thankful to be doing what I love and for the people who support me. I do my best to never feel alone, despite how difficult that can be when you look out and feel like you are literally the only person in the world. When I go out into nature, it is an odd paradox of feeling connected to eveything and yet also alone. In a way, that isolation shields me from much of the grief that I think I would experience otherwise. Last week, we were out in the bush, probably 20 miles from the nearest human being, with a calving glacier into a lake as our private campsite. It was beautiful, a bit scary, and very raw in its natural power and unpredictability. In these spaces, it doesn't matter if we go home safe or get killed by a rockslide. The world moves on. It has no favorites. It's a very sobering, somewhat depressing and terrifying, yet also beautiful with its fairness, realization. It causes me to remember how important it is that we create a better future for ourselves as a species, to remember that we ultimately have the ability, whether it ends up being realized or not, of shaping this world and creating new ones.

There is no such thing as a quarter or midlife crisis. In reality, I think there is the 5-yearly crisis, and I feel myself at that stage again as I weigh my life's options going forward. I've always been too hung up on the future, too conscious of the butterfly effect of day-to-day events that, when I do let myself go and live in the moment, it can occasionally lead to situations where the spectre of death is imminent. Since I've used FA to focus exclusively on building up my own anthro art skills (and failing due to too much time with games lol), there is a lot of creative work that never gets posted here.

I will continue to acquire new commissions, though, contributing to the fandom monetarily when I can. I suppose one reason I don't do much art is because everyone else is putting out so much great art already. :)

I hope you all had a good summer, and I hope the fall brings new opportunities and potential. I feel a good soundtrack for this journal, for those of you interested in trance, would be Kyau & Albert's About The Sun (Original Mix): https://youtu.be/clvgSxnc5pA

All I have to say is wow, is it good to get back into the fray after a 7 year absence. :) Even though the con went from just breaking 700 people to now approaching the 6,000 mark, it still had that small-con feel. It helped that I got to see a lot of people I haven't seen in the last 3-10 years: Keesh, Theo, Wiley, Darkpawfolf and Tom. The fact that I went with my best friend in the world Tundra, and this was his first con, was a huge reason for finally coming back as I figured I wouldn't know anybody else when I arrived--boy was I wrong. :)

I have really missed the zanyiness, the randomness, the openness, and everything else from the con badges to the costumes to the late night raves. With so many people now coming, the energy of the place as a whole was definitely palpable. Special thanks to my roommates and other new friends like Dittman, Nodd, Mel, Seledrex, and Aquilla.

For the Green Fur Clan (I don't know what you call yourselvse lol), I am assuming  Natsufox is your photo-op leader, and the full res images of your shots are in the process of uploading as we speak. :) I also have 4K videos of the entire suit parade (over 1300 walking) and some rave clips that will be posting within the next week.

On a personal note, I have always been needlessly paranoid of going out with a con badge, let alone trying to wear a tail, for a fear of standing out, even at a con. It's silly, but I live in rural areas where it is not always easy to be yourself, and it can be hard to get out of that mindset for a weekend when you deal with it all other days of the year. Those who really know me will know what an enormous step it was to even buy a gigantic rat tail and wear it around, let alone take it out in public along with all my con badges. I was plenty nervous about it, but I was determined to really dive into this con after being absent for so long and I am glad that I could finally be comfortable enough to be "one of those furries" while exploring the wider area.

The closing ceremony was simply amazing, both spiritually and emotionally. For those who might not have heard, or have only heard bits and pieces, the charity for the year was called Save a Vet, and they rehabilitate retired service dogs for members of the military who need companion animals. It is a noble cause, but the main guy in charge was very much a Confederate Flag waving, 5 MPG truck driving, NASCAR and beer drinking conservative who goes to church every Sunday. When his staff approached him about the possibility of being the con's charity, he was against it from the start. He was very anti-gay, anti-furry, and felt that we would ruin his organization's reputation. His staff (whom MFF were in talks with I presume) convinced him to stick with us. This is all straight from the horse's mouth. But the amazing thing is that he changed. He admited all the hate he harbored, admitted he was wrong, and it was just such a moving experience to see someone who's world view had literally been upended in a weekend. And when the organization was $400 short of a $60,000 total donation, someone had the courage to ask how short and initated a walk-up where myself and many others dumped $2,400 cash right on the spot, bringing the whole panel to tears. That, along with a 20% boost in attendance, was a pretty powerful "Fuck You" to whoever was responbile for last year's misshap.

Then you had the couple you met through furry who proposed to each other on stage. I can't think of a better way to close a con and really encapsulate what furry is than that!

I am also starting to understand more personally how fursuiting works and why one would want to do it. Granted, I've wanted one for some time, but I am a hardcore realist; I have a very hard time suspending disbelief; I like detail. But I know that that is exactly what many people do when they hug a fursuit or want to get pictures taken with one: they aren't really hugging a person, they are hugging an anthro who is there, representing an idea many of us have always wanted to see and experience. The person and the costume are no longer mutually exclusive when combined. With that understanding, I'm probably not going to be going for a full suit or even a full partial, but there are some options that I am seriously considering.

So to everyone I saw at the con, whom I have known or do not know, thanks for all you do. :) An environment where you can wear a tail, costume, or even just a badge with nobody questioning why is a very powerful thing, even though each person's reason for being furry is different and some I agree with while plenty of others I do not.

I'll be going to MFF this year! While I work on the room specifics, I also need to get back into the social scene a bit and meet/talk to furs. Where do people hang out these days? I used to be on Furtopia a lot, but haven't been by there in years. :) Any watchers also going to MFF? It's going to be my first con in about...8 years? Damn.

It's been a pretty interesting summer overall. Unfortunately, the two biggest things I was looking forward to, separate visits and explorations by two friends/family, fell through, and the weather didn't cooperate for the solo excursions I was planning for. I suppose that's to be expected with the lame weather this region is known for, and you don't want to be stuck on a mountain or a glacier when you can't see anything. :D But I've gotten some pretty major adventures in, went to the furry campout and revisited with friends, camped out in a rustic cabin owned by Silver, and treked upon the Arctic Circle where the sun never set...things that are definitely worth remembering.

Keeping in tradition with what seems to be a bi-annual journal, this update is about the things I am hoping to accomplish. If I can get myself to stop playing so much damn League, I want to become more proficient with 3D modellingn since most of my time consists of programming. And there are bigger issues to work out as well. Working in education is kind of a drag because each semester brings the same questions but slightly different issues; nothing ever just goes smoothly even though it should. For being a place of higher learning, I consistently come across the dumbest people alive. I suppose life in general is no different. I don't want to leave because I still feel that what I do is necessary, but then what I do doesn't seem to get utilized to it's true potential--not even close--it's difficult to stay motivated. Yet I have maximum freedom, abstract requirements, and essentially answer to no one in my day-to-day. It's a really good setup despite some personal challenges associated with that, and I'm not so illogical that I always fall into the trap of "the grass is always greener on the other side," but sometimes I am too logical and safe to really take advantage of a risk when it relates to business and not simply the potential for getting killed under a glacier or boulder. The latter I'm totally cool with, the former makes me worry.

I have learned that you do not have to do x and y to get z. In fact, that equation is essentially meaningless unless backed up by pre-requisite occurances that, in hindset, can't help but lead to a predetermined outcome. I'm not a fatalistic, but kind of a dark optimist, so for me, nothing is predetermined and there is always some degree of control that we exert over our lives, whether we choose to utilize it or not. My goal in life is to find my path and walk on it proactively, not reactively. I want to focus on Shit That Matters ™.

A big part of that focus is to get back into the creative arts and meditate reguarly. There is nothing stopping me from doing so other than myself. I have an idea of a children's book that is both tragic and depressing yet hopeful. I want to complete at least one anthro drawing this winter. :) Professionally, I have some training applications I need to master and then design. I also want to do more 3D work, and if anybody has something nonorganic they want modelled and they aren't concerned about geometric complexity, let me know. I need drawings to work with. I also preordered the Quixel suite with the hopes of taking may materials to the next level, but right now Zbrush and improved workflow in Maya are my top priority. Then of course there is the Unity Engine and C#... x.x Those last two I mentioned at the start of the summer and I haven't done anything toward it lol.

At the end of the day it's important to stay grounded and not lose my soul or sense of direction, and doing so is entirely on me.

It's crazy to think May is already here (for all practical purposes)! That means the tourist season is revving up and the RVs are already starting to trickle in. It's been a pretty decent spring overall despite the abnormal warmth. It's going to make exploring the glaciers a bit more interesting than years past I think. I'm already looking forward to summer and the 10pm twilight has really energized me. THe long days are probably the best part of summer for me.

After one of the best winters for aurora viewing in my area, I'm really looking forward to seeing what the summer has in store, starting with the campout at the end of May. I might even draw something new, though I doubt it. :P

I tried out IVMU a long time ago and wasn't impressed. Granted, I don't think it is fair to compare one product, a chat-room virtual world, with an art site and expect any kind of honest hint at what the future of either will be considering FA's surprise sale. I think a big part of people's fear is how crappy the IMVU platform is. Despite that, just like FA and its outdated interface, the company has managed to exist for a long time when others counted them out.

One of the perpetual problems of our existence is how to stay in communication with one another and not lose touch. The internet has helped tremendously keeping people together no matter where they are in the world. But as a site like FA shows, once it gets so big and changed, it creates a lot of problems for people worried about what to do when the community is suddenly faced with the possibility for change. At any time, any site we love and rely upon can be sold or deleted altogether, leaving no trace behind except whatever we managed to save to our own hard drives.

It is the harsh reality of our imperfect world, and this is why I have been more receptive to cross-platform accounts on various furry sites more and more. I would do it if I had much to contribute. :)

I remember when Yerf was really big and suddenly went down. The owners there also didn't take the proper precautions to safeguard their site and the community that developed around it. It put an enormous dent in my ability to find good anthro art. I don't think that FA is going to go anywhere, not as long as everything remains free. And really, free sites like Flickr and Facebook and Google do sell your information, and they make a lot of money doing so. That's why it's "free." Their true cost is hidden in the background. For the user, the benefit is that they are able to stay in touch with a large number of people, consistently.

IMVU likely wants the percentage of ad revenue that the site generates, and they are right about IMVU having a large furry community. The two groups do have a lot of crossover and if 1,000 furs from this site join IMVU and start spending money in their in-world economy, IMVU would see the benefit pay off immediately. The real question is going to be how independent FA's TOS will remain. It could also be that IMVU is just tired of all the furs on their site posting things that are more appropriate for FA's more liberal rules, but they still want to maintain those users within their community. Linden Lab has a habit of embracing their users and then pushing them away, only to embrace them again depending on which CEO is in charge that year, so I don't think Linden Lab would be a proper fit. Really, FA should have found a way to sustain itself and maintain its independence. Independence is the greatest value of all, but it also isn't free.

In order to maintain the vitality of the fandom, though, we need more than one site. People should create online or in-person meet ups that are offered consistently and cross-platform to encourage people to find each other across any platform. That is one reason I think the Skype meetups offered by the Valley furs are so unique. I'm not sure I'd ever participate myself, but it's cool to have that option out there and it's a pretty creative use of technology to draw people together.

At the end of the day, FA is pretty weird. IMVU is pretty weird. I guess their offspring are going to be pretty weird, too. :P

I know, I know, cliche, especially since I am one of the few people who hasn't actually watched Game of Thrones. :) it's been a pretty chill summer overall, and winter has pretty much come in out of nowhere in the surrounding mountains. The summer has been pretty good overall. I made some new friends, visited new places, and even managed to bring my mom up for her first trip up north and nothing went wrong. Well, except for the first night. We went to sleep just before dark (car camping), and woke up in the middle of a river that had overflowed from all the rain. I noticed something was up when I saw my spare gas can on the edge of the road. At first, I was pissed thinking that someone had stolen the gas, but then it started to move, which I knew wasn't right. It was 7am and I was groggy so it took me a moment to realize what was going on. Was able to save our cooler of food as well before it floated into the wilderness. Overall, though, it was a pretty great tour of the state.

I have some long-term winter plans this year. Unfortunately, the season does mean the drive to Anchorage is now 6-10 hours long instead of 5-6, so I don't see myself heading into the city any time soon unless I can stay with a friend. In the meantime, to keep myself busy, I am hoping to dabble in some C++ and/or C# tutorials and small projects. I have an Unreal Engine 4 license, and I could get Unity, so if anybody out there is also wanting to experiment and play around, and doesn't mind someone who isn't really a programmer but is eager to learn, hit me up. I do want to keep things simple for now, and always studying and working alone can get pretty boring after awhile.

I've been debating a winter gear refresh but don't like the prospect of spending thousands of dollars on ski gear, especially since the only skiing around here is the extreme kind, and avalanche danger really freaks out despite the fact that I occasionally snowshoe during time and places where people think I am crazy. I've only had one close call where the snow suddenly shifted and I knew that a misstep would ruin my day, but it was scary enough to really reflect on the dangers of going in that terrain and carving it up at high speed a-la skis. What annoys me the most about winter, however, is how quickly the wind piles up snow and blocks any chance of exploring ice caverns in the glaciers, since winter is prime time to explore them. Hopefully there will be a few that are decent this year, though; last year wasn't very impressive.

So yeah, that concludes my bi-yearly journal! Who knows, maybe I'll find something to update this with a bit more quickly.

Despite the odd weather this year, winter has still felt rather long. Have always lived in the north, I'm used to the short, cold, sleepy winter days and long, manic summer nights. I love the 24 hours of daylight at the height of summer. I love the mountains, the ocean, the glaciers, everything, really </flowerpower>. There is so much change in the world and no matter how chaotic human life gets, nature is still the constant force in my life. The stars are always "up there," the waves always operate the same way, and the sky is always blue, even if you can't see it because of cloud cover or pollution.

I think about these kinds of Truths when life gets crazy. This spring has proven to be especially chaotic and I don't see that changing over the next couple of months. With that change comes opportunity, and I would rather have that opportunity in the summer, when I'm out doing things, than in the winter, when I tend to hole myself up and get caught up on personal projects.

So, let's see what the summer of 2014 has in store, aside from the seasonal drop in heating expenses. ;)

I think it's time for a /real/ journal for a change. It's probably rambling, but that's how I roll.

The days are steadily getting longer. The snow is melting. The echoing rumble of avalanches will give way to the din of mosquitoes and the gruff grunts of bears tussling over salmon. I am hopeful that this summer will bring with it new challenges, new opportunities, and most importantly, new friends. Over time, leaving in remote areas, one truth is clear: to survive in paradise, everyone makes sacrifices.

I've been reflecting on my time in the fandom recently. With the mountains and the glaciers here, as beautiful as they may be, time has a nasty habit of making everything jaded. It's so easy to take for granted that which you have access to every day. I think it is unavoidable: a natural mechanism for our survival. As our brains create search images of recurring environments so that we can focus more on what is different than what is the same, we become prone to missing the bigger picture and focusing too much on small details that are, if compared to a clear night sky, insignificant. So much thought and activity is wasted on the insignificant.

What does this have to do with furries? Well, as  matthiasrat so eloquently put it in a recent conversation: imagination is our way of directly taking part in the miracle of creation. When I first stumbled upon the idea of a furry "fandom" in 1998, the internet was just becoming mainstream. It was a magical experience, really. Discovering a formal term for this idea of combining the best aspects of animals and humanity while living miles away from any other person, using a 14.4 modem in the middle of the woods one distant summer day. It didn't take long to discover the "dark side" of furries, but it also didn't matter because, if you wanted to find the good, you could. You still can.

But over time I was able to take everything for granted. Yerf crashed and disappeared, but ArtSpots and FurAffinity took its place. FurryMUCK's WCOTP got old and I always thought Furcadia was stupid. Then came the Yahoo! Groups and Furtopia. But with everything so easy to access, and with the fandom growing more and more each year, we lose that sense of satisfaction of really having to try hard to learn something about ourselves, or discover something about each other. Age is also a downside. Not because I feel like my age--I feel no different than when I was 17--but with increased life experience comes an almost ironic arrogance. I see younger members now asking the same questions that were asked when I was younger. I see them coming to the same conclusions (good and bad). And so it will go on over and over and over. Each one of us is Icarus and we will touch the sun. We will fall. But what we choose to do when we get up is what defines us.

But time also has a way of offering surprises when they are most needed and least expected. Despite all the artists who will draw anthro foxes or wolves over the next 30 years--and there is only so many ways you can do that--each person will still choose a slightly different shade. The elbows might have longer or shorter tufts. The eyes might have more or less detail. The backgrounds and the clothing will be different. Many of these images will all blur together. But a few will stand out because they encompass everything that is great about the others. People are the same way. This is how I can take a picture of the same place every day because, if you really look, there is something small that is different, and when you take into account everything that had to have happened in order for that small change to take place, every change is enormous. It's like the butterfly effect but everyone is focused on what the butterfly is experiencing when we really should be thinking about what the wind is experiencing around the butterfly before it meanders over the mountain and becomes a storm.

So, for any of you still reading this, perhaps you could take a moment to just think to yourself why you are a "furry". Don't focus on the insignificant details like lifestyler vs RPer or other labels. All of that crazy fetish stuff is just background noise, too. What is the one idea upon which all other feelings originate as it relates to taking part in this fandom as a writer, artist, enthusiast, whatever. This seems like an easy question on the surface, but is so fundamental I personally find it difficult to answer. I always come back to it. In the end, I am fascinated with the combining of the human and nonhuman worlds and perspectives and what that fantasy says about current societal truths. The fact we can imagine such things is monumental in and of itself when you consider our concerns 100,000 years ago.

And now the days finally get longer! Woooot! It's also been a very cold winter this year. Granted, it's not interior cold but it still dips to the subzero now and then and our hot water pipes do not like it. I wouldn't mind for some snow, though I also enjoy the sunlight, even if the mountains make it so that we only see the sun for about 20 minutes each day. :P But, with the solstice passing, we'll be back to 24 hour light before we know it.

And now the days start getting shorter... D:

Well, the days are getting warmer, the sun's setting later, the road's a lot wetter, and the foot-thick layers of ice on the roads are melting into horrible potholes :D Had a great time hanging with  calcougarcat and I'll be doing some more traveling soon. I always get this feeling of wanderlust as the snow melts and the mountains become more accessible for hiking. There are also quite a few changes happening, and how they impact my life will remain to be seen. So many places to go yet only so many hours in a day. In either case, I'm hoping to get at least a couple new drawings done by the end of summer. So, we'll see. Video/editing dominates a lot of my spare time, and I've been trying to get back into creative writing again.

I'd like to thank everyone for visiting this page, as well as those of you who have favorited and/or commented on my images. I came to FA to try and get myself motivated to become better at drawing, and drawing anthro was my main motivation. While my images still have anatomical quirks here and there, it's nice to be able to see where I was a year ago and compare it to my last image. Getting the line drawing down is still a near-impossible endeavor for me, but I'm slowly improving.

I can't explain it, but there has always been something about furry art that has made me happy; perhaps it's the idea that we can become something greater than ourselves by incorporating an identity beyond what we were born as. Perhaps it's the pleasing color contrasts and emotive line work. Maybe it's because I've always enjoyed science fiction and fantasy because of its lack of fear to express creativity. Whatever the reason, I've met a lot of great people because of it. I've also met some scary people, and people who simply make me go O.O.

One of the great people I've been able to connect with is no longer with us. I wish there was something I could have said or do to change that. If you or someone you know is feeling down or alone, please go out of your way to let them know that someone is thinking about them. No matter what, no one person is alone. If you're feeling frustrated and trapped, do something crazy that you've always wanted to do but were afraid to try. People who have nothing to lose really have everything to gain. If there is someone in your buddy list that you haven't said hi to in 2 years, say hello so they know that they are not forgotten.

I don't know what my 2012 will bring. No one really does. Take a moment to silence the background noise of this crazy world to hear the voice within that knows what really matters. Today can be predicted, yesterday can be quantified. The best part of tomorrow is that we don't know what is going to happen. If someone can embrace that possibility and realize that they are on that same journey with billions of other people--every day--it's only a matter of time before you find the people you were meant to find.

Updated 7/4/11

 Horchatta (sketching)

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Update 5/24/11

Thanks to the several people who responded over the last week for free commissions. Sketching is one of the hardest parts of drawing for me so do bear with me as I try and get something suitable. Once the outlines are in place coloring is generally not nearly as torturous, but it can be :) My work as a designer/programmer keeps me pretty busy so that's also a reason for the limited number of test slots and your patience is appreciated.

After an outline is complete, I will note each person giving them a few options. One is to put the drawing in my scraps folder so they can favorite it now and share it with others if they so wish; the other is to not do that and only post it to my main gallery once it is colored. Start thinking about that, and here is hoping for some good drawings!

So it's been awhile since I began posting to FA and so far it has had the intended consequence: giving me a forum to continue to try to want to get better at drawing anthro. I know my drawings have odd anatomical quarks here and there, but despite this I've managed to gather a few watchers. Some of you I know, some of you I don't, but in either case I really appreciate it :) I'll be posting a few updates soon, most of them are likely to be rats since that is what I feel close to right now. I may be open to offering a few free commissions in the future to get more experience and diversity, though I won't make any guarantee on the quality--hence why they are free. My drawing moods are still inconsistent, though I will try to make them somewhat good at the very least.

I figure FA is more appropriate to help share and work with other anthro enthusiasts, though I think DA's layout is far superior :P I figure it's time to start posting my anthro artwork, no matter how crappy it is, since not doing anything with is not going to give me an incentive to keep drawing. So, here we go :) Hopefully in the future I will improve! :P