I have emailed THREE of my favorite artists to see if any of them were interested in providing a simple, colored picture for our wedding. All I need is a chibi sketch of my beau and myself so we can blow it up and use it as a poster/name cards. Nothing TOO detailed, but flat colors, chibi, simple outfits, facing forward.

NO

ONE

REPLIED.

Yes, I kind of have a specific style in mind, but it can't be hard to at least email someone back and say "I can't, I ain't got time for yo azz."

Does anyone know a reliable artist with a cutesy/anime style that will fulfill this for me...?

More complaining about wedding stuff? You bet. So our moms on both sides are kind of doing the same thing; namely, griping about family and family friends we haven't invited. When we picked the venue based on the number of people we had at the time. *fumes* I don't even.

Both of them are trying the whole guilt trip thing (but I've known them since __ or they always attended your ___!) , and no one seems to understand that they can only help plan so much--when it comes down to brass tacks, STEP OFF. You have already been married--chill out. We don't keep in contact with these people, we don't remember 'em, and we're not inviting them. I have a number of out-of-town people I can't invite due to space constraints too, so there.

I'm just waiting for the eye-rolling to happen in October. Tim Burton-y decor, video-game reception, no white in sight, no wedding attendants, and all the "when are you going to have a baby" questions. Which will only get an entirely truthful "pregnancy is one of my greatest fears - so never" Every time someone asks about our choices for stuff, no one really knows how to respond. Yes, it's different, stop trying to make us feel like absolute freaks.

HURRRRRGGGGHHHH *hulks out, breaks shit*

And I had to be at a bridesmaid fitting, bridal shower, and bachelorhood party recently. I love my old roomie, but god...all that pretentious stuff is for the birds. The fitting went fast (being as I'm fairly easy to please), but the shower was awkward as fuck. My old college roomie is white, and her groom is black, so as soon as I show up and sit on her side of the table, all I keep getting is "oh are you the groom's sister?" "are you related to the groom?" "why are you not sitting with the groom's side?" "are you the groom's cousin?" NO I'M A BLACK PERSON THAT HAPPENS TO BE FRIENDS WITH THE BRIDE, FUCKING GODDAMMIT OLD WHITE PEOPLE, WE AREN'T RELATED BECAUSE WE'RE BOTH BLACK, IS THAT SO WEIRD?!

FUCK.

Well, at least my own wedding shit is still fairly low-key and under the radar so as not to upset a bunch of out-of-towners that I was unavailable to invite. I don't like upsetting anyone...but space restraints and all.

In other news....like I said last time, I ought to get back onto AIM and reconnect with folks. Still some people out there worth talking to. If you still like the occasional chat on AIM (or Skype or whatever people use now), and feel like saying hello, hit me up.

--NOT EVERYONE WEARS WHITE, GODDAMMIT--

Does anyone still use Livejournal anymore? Remember when Livejournal was way more popular than Facebook? I still miss it, sometimes. There weren't a bunch of game requests or family members trying to find you or enormous political debates. I suppose Facebook is better at social networking, but....LJ was just like reading public diaries with the occasional quiz result/funny picture thrown in. I do miss that. Facebook is alright, I guess, but it's good at feeding addictive personalities. (Oh, like LJ wasn't?) No, not all the time. There was just...more reading to do on LJ. More emotional interaction, I guess. You'd come home from work, write a long, long entry, and then go to bed. I guess I just miss reading more extensively.

So let's start a "Bring Back LiveJournal" campaign! Nah, that'd never take off.

So I've been engaged for over a year now. Wedding's in October. If I could make it a dream wedding, it would involve no traditional elements (AKA, everything black-and-white Tim Burton style (or video game-themed), easy management, cost me little to nothing, and I could invite ALL my friends--including the ones that hate my fiancé. And they would come to some sublime realization: "you know, Mer, I hated Deagle. I probably still do. But you know what? All that crap that occurred was years ago, and if he makes you happy, that is the important thing. So I'd love to come to your wedding and support BOTH of you--not just you--because I'm glad you're happy." And then we'd cheer, Deagle and I would say our pseudo vows, and we'd smash sugar glass over our heads to the victory tune from Final Fantasy. And then there would be cake and dancing and pranks, because I want the wedding to be a big joke. Blow up the cake! Pie me in the face! Smash sugar glass on my head, this is awesome! Stop face-palming, dad, you've been married twice, let us do things OUR way! Yeah, that's awesome.

Buuut that's not going to happen because we don't have the money, I hate weddings and wedding-planning, and key people I know are infamous for holding grudges until death.

Whoowhee.

Well, at least my parents are glad I'm getting married. I'm pretty sure they're secretly upset that I do not want kids, though. Sorry, guys...that is never gonna happen.

Also, I am god-damned sick of everything that has ever been wedding-related. If I see any more white-and-gold or silver stuff, I'm gonna has a seizure. My old college roomie is getting married the week before I do, and she is going all out on her stuff. ALL of August is like, "bridesmaid/bride fitting/shower/party/luncheon extravaganza," and I am not looking forward to that--but I have to go to support her. Aaaand her parents are super racist, and hers is an interracial marriage--just like mine. So, I'm not looking forward to her parents possibly starting some shit at the wedding. And I am DEFINITELY not liking everyone that tells me "oh, they're old and racist, they'll never change so you should just accept that." I DO NOT have to sit idly by and just accept that some old white people are going to call me a nigger. I won't change their minds about racism, I'm sure, but I will goddamn let them know that it is not 1948 anymore if they start shit.

Well, I feel better now. Maybe I'll write more another time.

--CAKE-SMASHER--

...is a bunch of overrated horse-shit.

There is so much pointless shit out there that panders to those who are obsessed with all this white and (color of your choice) nonsense.

To each their own and all....but even thinking about all the stuff a normal wedding is supposed to have feels over-the-top to me.

And if all this wedding spam doesn't ease off, I'm going to eat my hat.

And if I catch whoever tipped me off to wedding spammers, I'm going to eat them, too. Cannibalism is all the rage, you know.




--MUR--

True story, that title.

So I got to visit with old friends recently: Ryan, Josh, Jaime, Jarvi, Eric, John, all those guys. Man. it sure brought back hella memories of going to Ryan's and running up and down the street doing dumb shit. It was nice to see everyone. I don't leave the house to socialize very often (high anxiety + chronic pain, and all) but I'm glad I did. Ryan bought a house, the lucky sonovabitch. He sure is lucky he found a nice neighborhood that includes a buncha guys that go out and spar every Tuesday.

In other news, yes, I'm still in pain all the time. And now I'm supposed to go to physical therapy for that shit. It's like, as soon as I got over a major obstacle in my life (working in retail) to find a job with my degree, my health decided to say "nope, I don't like us being happy. You need a bunch of bullshit to happen to your body for no goddamned reason."

I'll be moving out of Spi's soon to get a place with  deagle, and while I love everyone here, I suppose I'm ready. It'll definitely be a lot quieter with a lot less cats, that's for damn sure. Everyone that lives here is great, but I just can't do the "let's go to bars all the time" thing that they do. I had quite enough of driving the whole crew to bars during college, thanks, I don't like reliving that.

I honestly just wish I knew a group of people that liked to have small get-togethers that involved tea, drawing, or playing music, or watching cartoons/playing video-games sometimes. I just...don't fancy spending money at bars when I can get good and drunk at home on a budget. A group of people that didn't hate my fiancé for no god-damned reason would be nice, too--I know I've had enough of that.

...I just remembered something. I need to get a scanner/printer/copier. Shit. >.>

...I think I was also supposed to start getting on AIM to chat with people more often. Forgot about that one, too.

--MURPH--

Here's my updated "to do before I die" list:

...see how many five-year-olds I could take in a fight, spit bullets, drive a flaming ice cream truck through a wall of ice cream, defeat ONE specimen of horrible fauna in Australia, start a bar fight, go streaking through the Vatican (or a large church ceremony), write video-game story-lines, gain the ability to sense generally bad people, punch Stephanie Meyer in her stupid face while wearing a large signet ring, own a self-sufficient house, have Tom Waits read me bedtime stories, buy a domestically-raised fox, go drinking with the guys of Rooster Teeth...and write some books. Not much, really. =3

All of this is possible, I'm sure of it.


--Murp--

...I cry a little inside.

I can't seem to properly doodle something without getting angry, or throwing a fit in the general direction of the media in question.

Must...draw....but....can't...


*foams at the mouth*



--GODDAMMIT--

I hate being throttled with terrible Christmas music.
I hate teenagers griping about wanting an iPad.
I hate the children I tend to trip over (you know how they try and run you over in stores)
I hate the hustle and bustle.
I hate shopping.
I hate the visual assault of red and green.
I hate traveling.
I hate traveling in holiday traffic.
I hate those weird Christmas socks with the toes on them.
I hate all the stupid commercials that try to win your heart with cutesy advertising (Don't forget our 3-day sale, all you busy moms! You HAVE to stop in! You NEED stuff! Your children DESERVE expensive toys!!)




Bah. Hum. BUG.

Needs more Halloween.



--SHUT THE FUCK UP, CELINE DION, I'M TIRED OF YOUR VERSION OF "SILENT NIGHT"--

...is pathetic.

I don't miss having to be around the madness at all. Maybe if I was a store manager and actually was forced to care about how much income my store brought in, but thank god that is unnecessary.

If you think getting trampled over some flat-screen television is worth getting up at 1 in the morning to go stand in line/cut your Thanksgiving holiday short, I think you oughta reevaluate your priorities.

Fuck shopping. Fuck ALL of shopping.





--I DUN GIVAFUK--

Why

can't

I

DRAW ANYTHING?!?!

*flips a row of tables*

I have, like, stacks and stacks of drawing ideas to do.

...Why...am I not doing a single one....

There is an anime/video-game/culture convention this September in Louisville, Ky. Me, Spi, and Deagle are going for sure. I haven't seen a lot of you Louisville-types in forever, so whoever is interested in going should let me know so we can hang out and whatnot.

That is, if I haven't scared you off, yet. I have a tendency of doing that to people unintentionally. Must be some distasteful rumors going around or something.



It's a bit early, so there isn't much here, but there's the website:
http://aoiumacon.com/

My computer finally seems to be working again (after more money than I cared to spend). Shocking. But, I won't jump the gun. I expect to crash any second now, it always does.

*looks around*

Maybe I can actually start playing games on this goddamn thing again?!

I FINALLY assembled a new computer. After over a decade. It took me a lot of waiting around for a better job, but I got it done. No more bartering used parts from people, that was a pain in the ass to work with.

A bajillion submissions and journals...better get started. oO;;

Spi and I are trying to look for local furry cons to go to, being as I ain't been to one in a while. I'm letting that whole FC thing slide for now, so it's back into the fray with me. Meet some new blokes, drag boyfriend-face along for the ride, get drunk at the art panels with Spi, whatever.

But first off, clean, move into the new house (whenever repairs are done), write/draw some more, finishing books I started, and clean some more. I swear...I'm the only one cleaning on a regular basis around here.

Finally got some snow, too. After, what, four months of summer/spring weather starting in October?? Only problem I have with winter currently is that we don't have any central heating. For very--shitty--reasons. So gotta huddle around the space heaters like dirty hobos in checkered blankets.

Minus the piss-and-whiskey-smell, that is.

So what'd I miss while I was spelunking for computer parts? *wagwag*




--MURPH--

I know the cure for art or writer's block is to just sit down and do it, but with stupid, distracting video games, it's rather hard to. I'm always inspired to make characters from games, as well as movies I watch, but when I start doodling, everything just looks...stale. Just crap. I need people to loom over me and command me to do creative stuff. Even playing music--I just can't bother to sit at the piano lately. I've got remixes to compose, and exercises from Handel to work on...but no can do.

Oh yeah, our messy house is another big hindrance on being creative, because I'm the only one that cleans up after themselves as soon as their down. If Spi would clean his room at some point, he could move all his junk in there where it's supposed to be...

Come ooooonn, inspiration. Just ignore our dirty-ass house, and get out here for once!!



DAMMIT

DAMMIT DAMMIT

*headbutts the wall a few times*







Any suggestions, friends?



--MURPHY--

Why don't more people like Excalibur?!?!

Putting my two weeks in at Target was the happiest I've been in a long time. Sad but true, nothing has made me happier than finally quitting a work place that has been sapping my life for six years, and a job area that's been irritating me for seven.

Don't be butthurt, Bagel, you know you make me happy, too. <3

Anyhow, I truly look forward to being at peace with the workplace. Especially one where all I do is write, categorize, and listen to music. Oh yeah, I never told anyone what the job was! Assistant editor and ProQuest, which is a research company. I can't wait to get started. Heeeheee, I get to archive articles about music all day...it's too good to be true. Who knew that 20+ years of piano would actually pay off one day?

Thanks to everyone for the support, and for listening to my ass bitch about retail all these years. But I can finally shut up now.

My god...no more uniforms, no more name tags, no more "can I help you find something, oh lord and master?"--just peace and quiet and writing and music.

Heaven on earth. Or, a dischordian variation of it.






--MURPHY--

Here's to, hopefully:

--getting my dream job as an assistant editor on Monday.
--clearing my name of debt.
--a cleaner house in the future.
--paying off medical bills.
--relaxing more.
--ignoring goofy friend drama.
--enjoying the little things life has to offer.
--never holding grudges.
--focusing on myself as opposed to others, for once.
--enjoying my boyfriend's company and good humor.
--long walks in the fall.
--better quality of life.







Because I'm hella working hard on it. =3


--MURPHY--

...forgot to check it for two months.

Whoops.






--GODDAMN REAL LIFE AND SHIT--

I don't often write out my feelings anymore, especially not on word-processor software, but sometimes things just build up to the boiling point. The day just didn't start out well, what with failing to remind Jennifer Hillard, my potential temp agency contact, that I was going to come in today after one PM to take the data-entry test. The test itself, in the beginning, went better than my first attempt, my roomie graciously coming along to support me. Then I discovered the tests cascaded from binary testing, to word entry testing, to Excel proficiency, to Word proficiency, to grammar, to spelling, to several others tests I wasn't prepped for. I even started to fumble with the highly unexpected math part as my thoughts led to "oh god, it's taking so long--". Eventually, time passed, and the tests were over, my results unknown. God, I hate bothering Ms. Hillard with bottomless hope of finding a data-entry job for me, but that's what she's there for, I guess. Later in the day, thoughts channel-surfed to just how little I got accomplished during my extended vacation from work; no sewing repairs done, not much reading, no picture-editing, no other leads on potential jobs, and last but not least, no writing done. Yes, some social interaction is fine to strengthen relationships, fine, have that. But my heart feels like one of those over-sized 1920's barbells whenever I think of my future if I don't get off my fat ass and get published, in turn living how I exactly want to live. It's disgusting to know that a tiny slice of me thinks I will never be happy if I don't get to where I want to be, therein missing several juicy moments in life. Yet I refuse to give in to working world, "adult" standards, blending in with all the other strong, African-American ladies who read Maya Angelou daily, and drink their rooibos tea. Not that I have a problem with either. It's just that I've spent my whole vacation, specifically taken to get work done, playing video-games, feeling exhausted, and not getting nearly enough sleep. I mean, god-damn, it's not like I have the funds [nor the vacation time] to do this once ever two months, I'd never make any money. My only explanation is that I simply needed to not be at work, to just be lazy for a bit. If that's the case, I really should have bit the bullet, as they say, and taken two weeks off; one week to be lazy and/or clean house, the next to work and write. I'm going to go ahead and blame how tired working for the corporation makes me, if I may. I keep needing more time away from work, more time alone to sort out my endless pile of to-do lists, more time to just be, more time to botch social obligations.
When it comes down to it, I honestly don't think anyone can help me but me. There is only a certain amount of encouragement, whether false or sincere, loved ones can show before they hit the "hey, quit moping and get off your ass" mental button. I know there are people rooting for me, but I continue to find it hard to take some of their encouragement seriously. One day, there will come a time where I'll just socially shut down, and become an accomplishment-obsessed workaholic. Some days, I look forward to it. No getting around it, though, something has got to change; change of scenery, change of appearance, just god-damned something. I do enjoy various aspects of my life, but quite a bit of it is not getting me anywhere.
I understand that I continue to think I ought to be some kind of misfit god of sarcastic writing, a less scientific Mary Roach of some sort. Who am I to even begin to think that my life is actually going to make some kind of great story to tell? No one, that's who. So if I don't start to brainwash myself into something different, I'm going to die a moron. In retail, nonetheless.
So I guess that's that, for now. I think I've said what needs to be said. Might write more late [ha ha, fat chance, right?], or I might sell myself short, and just figure that nothing I do is ever going to change anything.
Or I could just quite my job and be at least a small chance happier.

Goddammit, why can't I at least have a working desk lamp?!

WHY IS RANDY SAVAGE DEAD?!?!?!?

He was supposed to last forever.

MACHO MADNESS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ETERNAL.




>=[


I mad.



--MURPHY--

Insert end of the world comment, complaint about work, blah blah, house is a bottomless pit of messiness, gas prices too high, blah blah blah, suck my dick, I'm a shark.

Should the world end tomorrow, I'll be at work. Working. How lame is THAT. Why can't I just be kicking back at home on a saturday, watching "My Little Pony" with a nice glass of aloe juice???

All because some Jesus Wizard said "math equals DESTRUCTION". >=[

It just hit me how anti-social I am when it comes to leaving the house. I guess I'm just too tired to drive anywhere to hang out, mostly because I have [well, had to] work the next morning, and I didn't feel like being badgered to stay out very long. I just realized how many people I don't see much anymore, and I actually miss some of the social interaction. I still check the art on this site at times and leave comments, but I don't see too many of the furries anymore. I always forget about checking when parties are, and I'm just...socially drawn-in now, I guess. There were quite a few people that always said they wanted to hang out, but they ended up moving or getting real involved in college or family issues. Granted, that's okay, I've been busy too, not complaining about anyone's schedule, god knows how many times I've been too exhausted to hang out. Whenever I leave the house, I just...start feeling fatigued. Don't supposed I could chalk that up to thyroid issues.

Oh yeah, went to the doc a week ago, and I have a nodule the size of a golf ball on my thyroid gland. =/ Gross.

Aside from that, maybe I oughta branch out a bit more and actually venture out of the house. Dunno. I just wish I could work less and have more time to myself/projects/friend time/whathaveyou.

At least my schedule is evening out a little with only working 2nd shift. Still kills any time during the day, though.

AND I need to draw. I have a small book of ideas I'm supposed to be doodling out. Shit, I even have my old doodles of me as a Guilty Gear character in my to-do pile.

Geez, I suck. >=[

Oh well, time for other things. Like starting angry discussion on my Facebook, and deliberately not participating in them. By the way, play Portal 2, it's god-damned good.





--MURPHY--

Stop leaving the shit you don't want in the aisles/on the floor/in the panty-bins/in random carts in retail stores. We don't get to fucking leave until all that stuff is organized and neat.

Stop treating our staff like well-oiled machines; we have feelings, too, ya know.

Stop acting innocent when we catch you with TWENTY-FIVE coupons for the same item.

Stop letting your kids toss toys into the aisles where people can slip on them.

Retail: give your employees raises so they don't LEAVE EVERY 6 MONTHS.

Tell your kids not to bother large retail stores at night because they have nothing better to do: all they EVER do is leave open boxes of condoms on the shelves, and fuck up all the work we put into cleaning up the toys.

Don't make stupid complaints in the guest commentary like "hire prettier cashiers". Suck my DICK, and leave better feedback.

Stop leaving liquid spills on the floor without alerting someone. People can get hurt.

I can't stop pondering what it would be like to just stab myself in the throat with a box-cutter in front of large families.

I can't take this anymore. I'm going to pull a Sindel and back-flip/break my own neck on the sales floor.





Dude, fuck retail.

Four Jobs I've Had
Meijers
Target
-
-

Four Movies I Can Watch Over And Over
Adams Family
Silent Hill
District 9
Old Boy

Four Places I've Lived
Louisburg, TN
Memphis, TN
Louisville, KY
Cincinnati, OH [sorta]

Four TV Shows I Love
Ren and Stimpy
Tenchi Muyo
Rob and Big
Dollhouse

Four Places I've Vacationed
Scotland
England
North Carolina
Utah

Four Of My Favorite Dishes
Turkey Wraps
Lazer-Cut Beef Curry
Mashed potatoes
Frosty Sunbeam Rolls

Four Sites I Visit Daily
https://www.echobazaar.failbettergames.com
https://www.aol.com
https://www.weather.com
NPR Radio


Four things I like to do in my spare time
Write
Video games
Practice music
Read

---

Time-killer. That's all.

So, uh, yeah--Japan: shit's crazy. My heart goes out to the whole country in their time of need. I have an old friend over there, and though we're not on good terms anymore, I heard she lost her house and all her things. So, meaningless grudges aside, I hope she'll survive allright. Another friend's parents also live their, and my heart goes out to them, too.

Too many natural disasters/terrorist attacks lately. And here I was complaining about our basement leaking whenever it rains...puts you in your place a little, huh?

I kind of decided this year and things need to change a LOT for the better: finally stop the terror that is Target, change my name as soon as we move into a new house, start refinancing for a new car, stuff like that. So I might update as things move along--so far, very little progress, but I'm working on it. =3 Gotta keep the hopes up and all.



--MURPHY--