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Anyone know what I can do?
Posted 2 years agoSo, I've been struggling with myself for a while now in regards to sexuality. To start, I'm gay leaning but definitely on the asexual spectrum. However I've been feeling just extra lonely. And I tend to imagine/develop crushes on fictional characters (otherwise known as fictosexual) and yet, it doesn't bring me happiness anymore. It brings me sadness, and frustration and yet I really also don't want any sort of actual sexual relationship so its like I feel caught between a rock and a hard place and just curious if anyone's ever felt similar. Ok end of pointless jabbering no one will see.
I've been called a fake ace...
Posted 3 years agoSo, as I've gone through life I've come to realize...my sexuality is complicated but definitely falls within the ace spectrum. But apparently, to some who I will not name from Twitter, I am not, because I have NSFW favorites on my FA, and have NSFW art of my fursona. Apparently that means I'm allosexual to some. Well...I'm not. So I feel like I have to explain myself now...
For me, I am not totally sex repulsed. What I mean by that is, I almost never want sex IRL, but it art, fantasy, etc, yeah. I can find that hot. I identify as fictosexual, basically I am attracted to fictional characters only. So hence, most favorites of mine that are NSFW feed into that.
Also, I don't generally like sexual activities with other people, but am more than ok with self love. I have lots of love and respect for myself and my fursona, and I find him to be a beautiful creature. My most recent art of my fursona has a nude pinup version, because I find the body to be beautiful, without sexual intentions. A person can be nude and not have sexual undertones to it, at least I think so.
So in a nutshell...yes I identify as Asexual. No, I'm not totally anti sex, and my spectrum is my own, and may not align with everyone else. But, it is my own, and as such is just as valid as everyone else.
For me, I am not totally sex repulsed. What I mean by that is, I almost never want sex IRL, but it art, fantasy, etc, yeah. I can find that hot. I identify as fictosexual, basically I am attracted to fictional characters only. So hence, most favorites of mine that are NSFW feed into that.
Also, I don't generally like sexual activities with other people, but am more than ok with self love. I have lots of love and respect for myself and my fursona, and I find him to be a beautiful creature. My most recent art of my fursona has a nude pinup version, because I find the body to be beautiful, without sexual intentions. A person can be nude and not have sexual undertones to it, at least I think so.
So in a nutshell...yes I identify as Asexual. No, I'm not totally anti sex, and my spectrum is my own, and may not align with everyone else. But, it is my own, and as such is just as valid as everyone else.
Want to commission someone, any suggestions or volunteers?
Posted 8 years ago Hey FA,
Haven't posted in a while. Been lurking but that's about it. But I haven't done much in the line of art commissioning in a while, so I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions or etc. I would like to get some art of my fursona, some of which would be nsfw (not porn necessarily, but more like tasteful nude or some thing) Any way, just looking for input since I haven't been active in here in a while.
Take care! <3
Haven't posted in a while. Been lurking but that's about it. But I haven't done much in the line of art commissioning in a while, so I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions or etc. I would like to get some art of my fursona, some of which would be nsfw (not porn necessarily, but more like tasteful nude or some thing) Any way, just looking for input since I haven't been active in here in a while.
Take care! <3
I don't get it, and probably never will
Posted 10 years agoI reach out to people, try to re-kindle old ties, but nothing. I've contacted a few people who I still watch, who are still active, and yet they say nothing to me. Not even one word. I don't recall ever saying or doing anything to wrong them, but if I did, I apologize. But alas, I suppose it is what it is. Friendship seems to mean nothing anymore. But Anyway. I'm done ranting now. Peace
Late night reflections
Posted 10 years agoSo its like almost 3 in the morning, and I'm just laying here in bed. Thinking, about how in less then 2 months I will be moving, away from NC forever, away from the place that has been the bane of my existence for the past few years, struggling to make ends meet in this unforgiving state, and yet, I am strangely sad. I've been here now almost 8 years, and while I can't say I've enjoyed every moment of it, I have had so many firsts here, first date, first love, first job promotion, and even some bad firsts, like first time losing a job, and even first real devastating loss of a loved one. I think back to all the things I've done, all the people I've met, who've come and gone, and there are a few who, I haven't seen in a while, and wonder if I ever will again, and if I don't, I just wanted to let them know how awesome they were to me, and how much I wish them the best in life.
To the first real friend I made when I moved here,
FoxCross whom, I haven't really talked to in a few years, I just want to say how awesome you were to me when I first moved here, from showing me around Rocky Mount, and introducing me to other furs, and to the Triangle Meetup Group. I wish you the best man, and thanks for befriending this silly, Yankee Wusky.
To another fur friend, and my first real relationship,
Dingra thanks for helping me to learn a lot about myself, and for just being overall a sweet guy, I know you've been busy with college the past few years, and I know you'll go places. I wish you all the best, pup.
And the last one, I know I will see again, but to my current friend/mate,
tekhowler you've been there for the past 4 years now, and we've had our moments, I haven't been there as much as I should, and with my work we see each other like 3-4 times a year, but through all that, I do still love ya, I wish I was not moving so far away, I wish I could just pack you with me, but I'm living with family at first, so there will be little to no room. I know I've been distant a lot, both cause of my job, and with all the personal drama in my life, but you've always been there, and understanding. You've matured so much since I met you, I hope I can get my own place, and that I can bring you to live with me ASAP <3
There are others out there that I've met, these are just the ones that I've had the most connection with. I love all my friends so much, and I hope our paths cross again someday. Till that day comes, I wish each and every one of you the best.
To the first real friend I made when I moved here,
FoxCross whom, I haven't really talked to in a few years, I just want to say how awesome you were to me when I first moved here, from showing me around Rocky Mount, and introducing me to other furs, and to the Triangle Meetup Group. I wish you the best man, and thanks for befriending this silly, Yankee Wusky. To another fur friend, and my first real relationship,
Dingra thanks for helping me to learn a lot about myself, and for just being overall a sweet guy, I know you've been busy with college the past few years, and I know you'll go places. I wish you all the best, pup. And the last one, I know I will see again, but to my current friend/mate,
tekhowler you've been there for the past 4 years now, and we've had our moments, I haven't been there as much as I should, and with my work we see each other like 3-4 times a year, but through all that, I do still love ya, I wish I was not moving so far away, I wish I could just pack you with me, but I'm living with family at first, so there will be little to no room. I know I've been distant a lot, both cause of my job, and with all the personal drama in my life, but you've always been there, and understanding. You've matured so much since I met you, I hope I can get my own place, and that I can bring you to live with me ASAP <3 There are others out there that I've met, these are just the ones that I've had the most connection with. I love all my friends so much, and I hope our paths cross again someday. Till that day comes, I wish each and every one of you the best.
Stuck in a dark place.
Posted 11 years ago So, if you read my last Journal, you saw that my dad died a little over a month ago, and to be honest, I've had a very tough time getting my life back on track since then. I've been trying to mourn and grieve, but it's been hard, work fucked up overnight hours, trying to be there for my mom, who has poor health herself, and does not drive, leaving all errands and whatever to me.
My nephew also moved in about 2 months ago, and has been a lazy slob ever since. Sure, he helps with mowing the lawn, but that's about it. He piles up trash in his room, then bags it up into like 4-5 garbage bags, and then leaves them outside his door, like it's my job to take them to the road, and his dog (yes, he has a dog too) has torn apart the bags several times, leaving me to clean it up! I've talked to him, but it's like talking to a fucking brick wall.
With all this, plus struggling finances and uncertain future, It's just taken a toll on me. Not going to lie, it has made me suicidal a few times, and caused me to lose a few friends, because I guess they didn't want to deal with a depressed Wusky...can't say that I blame them.
I just want to start over, start my life over, clean slate, build up, and be happy....because depression sucks.
My nephew also moved in about 2 months ago, and has been a lazy slob ever since. Sure, he helps with mowing the lawn, but that's about it. He piles up trash in his room, then bags it up into like 4-5 garbage bags, and then leaves them outside his door, like it's my job to take them to the road, and his dog (yes, he has a dog too) has torn apart the bags several times, leaving me to clean it up! I've talked to him, but it's like talking to a fucking brick wall.
With all this, plus struggling finances and uncertain future, It's just taken a toll on me. Not going to lie, it has made me suicidal a few times, and caused me to lose a few friends, because I guess they didn't want to deal with a depressed Wusky...can't say that I blame them.
I just want to start over, start my life over, clean slate, build up, and be happy....because depression sucks.
What's been going on
Posted 11 years ago So, not sure if anybody reads these things, but hey, if anyone does, awesome. There has been a hell of a lot going on in my life right now, most of which is not good at all.
To start with, back on June 26th, my mother went to wake up my father, who was unresponsive. She called me downstairs, I took a look at him, felt for a pulse, he was still breathing, but very shallow. I called 911, and he was rushed to the hospital for what turned out to be a major heart attack, but that wasn't all, he also vomited in his sleep, and aspirated, or basically inhaled it back into his lungs, which in turn caused him to develop severe lung complications. Well, he was there for over a month, but sadly, on August 14th, he passed away.
Now, on top of grieving for the loss of my father, and trying to care for my mother, who is an emotional mess, we just found out that mother is not getting nearly as much money as she thought from his Social Security and retirement pension plans. It's gotten so tight, that we had to get rid of my car, just to have one less bill to pay, and on top of all this, we might lose the house too, so things are not going good at the moment.
I have been trying to keep my head up, just working as much as I can to get as much money as possible for our expenses. Our most likely scenario, is we will probably be moving back up to CT to be closer to family, who can help us more then they can down here in NC. I don't know when this will be, maybe within 6 months to a year. I really don't have much more to say, other then I love all my furry friends and that I hope to see some of you before I leave!
Torbi, out
To start with, back on June 26th, my mother went to wake up my father, who was unresponsive. She called me downstairs, I took a look at him, felt for a pulse, he was still breathing, but very shallow. I called 911, and he was rushed to the hospital for what turned out to be a major heart attack, but that wasn't all, he also vomited in his sleep, and aspirated, or basically inhaled it back into his lungs, which in turn caused him to develop severe lung complications. Well, he was there for over a month, but sadly, on August 14th, he passed away.
Now, on top of grieving for the loss of my father, and trying to care for my mother, who is an emotional mess, we just found out that mother is not getting nearly as much money as she thought from his Social Security and retirement pension plans. It's gotten so tight, that we had to get rid of my car, just to have one less bill to pay, and on top of all this, we might lose the house too, so things are not going good at the moment.
I have been trying to keep my head up, just working as much as I can to get as much money as possible for our expenses. Our most likely scenario, is we will probably be moving back up to CT to be closer to family, who can help us more then they can down here in NC. I don't know when this will be, maybe within 6 months to a year. I really don't have much more to say, other then I love all my furry friends and that I hope to see some of you before I leave!
Torbi, out
Life update
Posted 12 years agoI haven't made a post in a while, so here goes an update. I just got back from a well needed and over-due trip back home to CT. I loved it, I missed everyone so much, I got to see people that I haven't seen since I moved, and it was like nothing had changed. I felt like I had never left. I didn't want to come back, I didn't want to leave, my best friend 
thewolfsaysmeow She is an awesome friend, and I have missed her so much. I need to move back to CT...its not an option anymore, its a goal, unfortunately, I have looked at appartments, and its next to impossible to find one in my price range that allows dogs, cause I can't go anywhere without my boy, Hunter, he is my four-legged son, and where I go, he goes, so...that will be an issue, but not impossible.
Other then that, work is still shitty, I hate Wal-Mart, but its a job, so I really can't complain, I just wish the pay was better, and the hours were not overnight. Hopefully something better will come along soon.
My dad asked me yesterday out of the blue if I was gay...no work up to the question, just out of nowhere "Are you gay?" I didn't know what to say or how to respond, part of me wanted to be truthful and say yes, but I didn't I said no, just to gauge his reaction, and I am glad I said no. His reactions were that of a parent who thinks being gay is a choice, and that it must be the result of some failure on their part, which I don't want to go through. I'd rather they not know, so it's still a secret to them.
That's it, for the most part, everything else is the same. Till next time, love you all <3
thewolfsaysmeow She is an awesome friend, and I have missed her so much. I need to move back to CT...its not an option anymore, its a goal, unfortunately, I have looked at appartments, and its next to impossible to find one in my price range that allows dogs, cause I can't go anywhere without my boy, Hunter, he is my four-legged son, and where I go, he goes, so...that will be an issue, but not impossible. Other then that, work is still shitty, I hate Wal-Mart, but its a job, so I really can't complain, I just wish the pay was better, and the hours were not overnight. Hopefully something better will come along soon.
My dad asked me yesterday out of the blue if I was gay...no work up to the question, just out of nowhere "Are you gay?" I didn't know what to say or how to respond, part of me wanted to be truthful and say yes, but I didn't I said no, just to gauge his reaction, and I am glad I said no. His reactions were that of a parent who thinks being gay is a choice, and that it must be the result of some failure on their part, which I don't want to go through. I'd rather they not know, so it's still a secret to them.
That's it, for the most part, everything else is the same. Till next time, love you all <3
Another TMI tuesday!
Posted 12 years agoI know no one will ask cuz im not popular enough but im gonna try...so asl me anything...and I mean ANYTHING! :3
TMI tuesday!
Posted 12 years agoYou all know the rules...there are none! So ask away!!
Meh, no point
Posted 12 years agoBah, depression sucks
I'm a horrible person!
Posted 12 years ago HAVE YOU...
[ ] smoked?
[x] consumed alcohol?
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex?
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex?
[x] kissed someone of the same sex?
[x] had sex? (well some sexual activities anyway....)
[x] had someone in your room other than family?
[x] watched porn?
[x] bought porn? (really stupid hentai from a japenese store for the lol's)
[ ] tried drugs?
TOTAL SO FAR: 8
[x] taken painkillers?
[x] taken someone else's prescription medicine?
[x] lied to your parents?
[x] lied to a friend?
[ ] snuck out of the house?
[x] done something illegal?
[x] felt hurt?
[x] hurt someone?
[x] wished someone to die?
[] seen someone die?
TOTAL SO FAR: 16
[ ] missed curfew?
[x] stayed out all night?
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself?
[x] been to a therapist?
[x] received a ticket?
[ ] been to rehab?
[x] dyed your hair? (Blue! )
[x] been in an accident?
[x] been to a club?
[x] been to a bar?
TOTAL SO FAR: 24
[ ] been to a wild party?
[ ] been to a Mardi Gras parade?
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night?
[ ] had a spring break in Florida?
[x] sniffed anything?
[ ] wore black nail polish?
[ ] wore arm bands?
[x] wore t-shirts with band names?
[x] listened to rap?
[ ] owned a 50 Cent CD?
TOTAL SO FAR: 28
[ ] dressed Gothic?
[ ] dressed girly?
[ ] dressed punk?
[ ] dressed grunge?
[x] stole something?
[ ] been too drunk to remember anything?
[ ] blacked out?
[ ] fainted/passed out?
[x] had a crush on a neighbor?
TOTAL SO FAR: 30
[x] had a crush on a friend? (A lot of them...)
[x] been to a concert?
[x] dry-humped someone or been dry humped?
[ ] been called a slut?
[x] called someone a slut?
[x] installed speakers in a car?
[x] broken a mirror?
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house?
[ ] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush?
TOTAL SO FAR: 37
[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper?
[x] seen an R-rated movie?
[x] cruised the mall?
[ ] skipped school?
[ ] had surgery?
[x] had an injury?
[x] gone to court?
[x] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping? (didnt tip several times cause of bitchy waiters/waitresses)
[x] caught something on fire?
[x] lied about your age?
TOTAL SO FAR: 44
[ ] owned/rented an apartment/house?
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence?
[ ] made out with someone who had a GF/BF?
[ ] got in trouble with the police?
[x] talked to a stranger?
[x] hugged a stranger?
[ ] kissed a stranger?
[x] rode in the car with a stranger?
[x] been harassed?
[x] been verbally harassed?
TOTAL SO FAR: 49
[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online?
[x] stayed online for 5 or more hours straight?
[ ] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight?
[x] watched TV for 5 or more hours straight?
[x] been to a fair?
[x] been called a bad influence?
[x] drank and drove? (once...never again)
[ ] prank-called someone?
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex?
[ ] cheated on a test?
OVERALL TOTAL: 56
SCORING LIST
If you have 00-10 ... write [I'm a goody-goody]
If you have 11-20 ... write [I'm still a goody-goody]
If you have 21-30 ... write [I'm average]
If you have 31-40 ... write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have 41-50 ... write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have 51-60 ... write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have 61-70 ... write [I should be in jail]
If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]
If you have 81-90 ... write [I've got a ticket to Hell]
[ ] smoked?
[x] consumed alcohol?
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex?
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex?
[x] kissed someone of the same sex?
[x] had sex? (well some sexual activities anyway....)
[x] had someone in your room other than family?
[x] watched porn?
[x] bought porn? (really stupid hentai from a japenese store for the lol's)
[ ] tried drugs?
TOTAL SO FAR: 8
[x] taken painkillers?
[x] taken someone else's prescription medicine?
[x] lied to your parents?
[x] lied to a friend?
[ ] snuck out of the house?
[x] done something illegal?
[x] felt hurt?
[x] hurt someone?
[x] wished someone to die?
[] seen someone die?
TOTAL SO FAR: 16
[ ] missed curfew?
[x] stayed out all night?
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself?
[x] been to a therapist?
[x] received a ticket?
[ ] been to rehab?
[x] dyed your hair? (Blue! )
[x] been in an accident?
[x] been to a club?
[x] been to a bar?
TOTAL SO FAR: 24
[ ] been to a wild party?
[ ] been to a Mardi Gras parade?
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night?
[ ] had a spring break in Florida?
[x] sniffed anything?
[ ] wore black nail polish?
[ ] wore arm bands?
[x] wore t-shirts with band names?
[x] listened to rap?
[ ] owned a 50 Cent CD?
TOTAL SO FAR: 28
[ ] dressed Gothic?
[ ] dressed girly?
[ ] dressed punk?
[ ] dressed grunge?
[x] stole something?
[ ] been too drunk to remember anything?
[ ] blacked out?
[ ] fainted/passed out?
[x] had a crush on a neighbor?
TOTAL SO FAR: 30
[x] had a crush on a friend? (A lot of them...)
[x] been to a concert?
[x] dry-humped someone or been dry humped?
[ ] been called a slut?
[x] called someone a slut?
[x] installed speakers in a car?
[x] broken a mirror?
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house?
[ ] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush?
TOTAL SO FAR: 37
[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper?
[x] seen an R-rated movie?
[x] cruised the mall?
[ ] skipped school?
[ ] had surgery?
[x] had an injury?
[x] gone to court?
[x] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping? (didnt tip several times cause of bitchy waiters/waitresses)
[x] caught something on fire?
[x] lied about your age?
TOTAL SO FAR: 44
[ ] owned/rented an apartment/house?
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence?
[ ] made out with someone who had a GF/BF?
[ ] got in trouble with the police?
[x] talked to a stranger?
[x] hugged a stranger?
[ ] kissed a stranger?
[x] rode in the car with a stranger?
[x] been harassed?
[x] been verbally harassed?
TOTAL SO FAR: 49
[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online?
[x] stayed online for 5 or more hours straight?
[ ] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight?
[x] watched TV for 5 or more hours straight?
[x] been to a fair?
[x] been called a bad influence?
[x] drank and drove? (once...never again)
[ ] prank-called someone?
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex?
[ ] cheated on a test?
OVERALL TOTAL: 56
SCORING LIST
If you have 00-10 ... write [I'm a goody-goody]
If you have 11-20 ... write [I'm still a goody-goody]
If you have 21-30 ... write [I'm average]
If you have 31-40 ... write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have 41-50 ... write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have 51-60 ... write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have 61-70 ... write [I should be in jail]
If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]
If you have 81-90 ... write [I've got a ticket to Hell]
Room meme
Posted 12 years agoStolen from 
Sombra
Do you have the following in your bedroom?
Condoms:
You confuse me with someone who has a sex life x3
Cell phone:
Yes
Book shelf:
Yep
Couch:
Nope
Futon:
Nope
Computer/laptop:
Yeah
Pictures:
A lot of them
Mirror:
Yes
Skateboard:
Nope
Bed:
Yes
Smoke detector:
No, it’s out in the hall
Piano/keyboard/Guitar/bass/drums:
Guitar in the corner
Blacklight:
Nah
Lava Lamp:
No
CDs:
Yep
Flag:
No, I used to though
Stop sign/any sign:
Nope
Paintball gun:
Does airsoft count? If so, then yes
Real Gun:
No
Cigarettes:
Hell no
Pot:
No
Any drugs:
Nope
Alcohol:
Beer in fridge
Books:
Yep a few
ps2:
Yes
Xbox:
No, ps3
Gamecube:
No
Stereo:
No
Gum:
No
How many windows do you have in your room?
2
What is the color of your walls?
Tan
Do you get ready for the day in your room or the bathroom?
Both
What's on your walls?
Wolf stuff, TLK and Lady and the Tramp photos
Has the opposite sex been in your room before?
Yes, quite a few times, but nothing of it really
Has the opposite sex been on your bed?
Yeah, but not like that
Has the opposite sex slept in your bed?
Yes, but again...not like that
Ever had sex in your bed?
No.....*sigh*
Who usually sleeps in your bed other than you?
Hunter, my dog, and my big plushie of Bolt.
Do you like your bedroom:
Its alright, I liked my room in CT better though
Sombra Do you have the following in your bedroom?
Condoms:
You confuse me with someone who has a sex life x3
Cell phone:
Yes
Book shelf:
Yep
Couch:
Nope
Futon:
Nope
Computer/laptop:
Yeah
Pictures:
A lot of them
Mirror:
Yes
Skateboard:
Nope
Bed:
Yes
Smoke detector:
No, it’s out in the hall
Piano/keyboard/Guitar/bass/drums:
Guitar in the corner
Blacklight:
Nah
Lava Lamp:
No
CDs:
Yep
Flag:
No, I used to though
Stop sign/any sign:
Nope
Paintball gun:
Does airsoft count? If so, then yes
Real Gun:
No
Cigarettes:
Hell no
Pot:
No
Any drugs:
Nope
Alcohol:
Beer in fridge
Books:
Yep a few
ps2:
Yes
Xbox:
No, ps3
Gamecube:
No
Stereo:
No
Gum:
No
How many windows do you have in your room?
2
What is the color of your walls?
Tan
Do you get ready for the day in your room or the bathroom?
Both
What's on your walls?
Wolf stuff, TLK and Lady and the Tramp photos
Has the opposite sex been in your room before?
Yes, quite a few times, but nothing of it really
Has the opposite sex been on your bed?
Yeah, but not like that
Has the opposite sex slept in your bed?
Yes, but again...not like that
Ever had sex in your bed?
No.....*sigh*
Who usually sleeps in your bed other than you?
Hunter, my dog, and my big plushie of Bolt.
Do you like your bedroom:
Its alright, I liked my room in CT better though
Dooo it!!!!!
Posted 13 years agoComment on this journal and I'll...
1. Tell you something I learned about by looking at your FA page for 13 seconds
2. Tell you a colour you remind me of
3. Tell you my first memory of you
4. Ask you a question
5. Tell you something I like about you
6. Give you a nickname
7. Tell you the object that is to the left of me
8. Dare you to do this yourself in your journal
1. Tell you something I learned about by looking at your FA page for 13 seconds
2. Tell you a colour you remind me of
3. Tell you my first memory of you
4. Ask you a question
5. Tell you something I like about you
6. Give you a nickname
7. Tell you the object that is to the left of me
8. Dare you to do this yourself in your journal
Ponderings while on lunch at work
Posted 13 years agoJust sitting on lunch. Im tired and I wanna go to sleep. I hate this place oh so much. Im glad to have a job but not this one. I cant make ends meet on the low pay...I think I made more per week when I was on unemployment. The job is a major stressor. Sure my bosses like me...but they work me to death and I feel so used. I have so much potential but its being wasted here. And I try to get back into the field I love but no one will hire me. I miss my old job. As much as I hate to say it I would go back if offered a job...but I know that wouldnt happen. Oh well. Heres to another day searching for greener pastures. Cheers
i cant take it anymore
Posted 13 years agoIm at my wits end. My moms been in the hospital for over a month so ive been taking care of my dad who has major heart troubles, can hardly walk, and takes more meds then an AIDS patient, while also trying to care for the house and the pets and work a 3rd shift job...and itd just weighing me down and my family is on me like I cant be stressed and im not allowed to feel overwhelmed. Well fuck them all. I dont care if i get hit by a bus right now....
TMI Tuesday
Posted 13 years agoSo yeah...ask me whatever you want. Im not scared :p
Ask me anything.
Posted 13 years agoI'm bored so I figured I'd try this. Ask whatever you want. No limits lol.
Random poem
Posted 13 years agoIm laying here awake
So very far from sleep
Like a bird without wings
A fat kid without cake
So many things to say
But few words to speak
Just wanting to scream
But nothing comes out
My job has been rough
And pay has been minimal
Bills keep piling up high
With no end to be seen
I feel so scared and alone
It hurts me to admit
Just want someone close
To hold and make me strong
But alas I sleep alone tonight
All these things weigh heavy
So as I close my eyes, maybe
It will all just be a dream
So very far from sleep
Like a bird without wings
A fat kid without cake
So many things to say
But few words to speak
Just wanting to scream
But nothing comes out
My job has been rough
And pay has been minimal
Bills keep piling up high
With no end to be seen
I feel so scared and alone
It hurts me to admit
Just want someone close
To hold and make me strong
But alas I sleep alone tonight
All these things weigh heavy
So as I close my eyes, maybe
It will all just be a dream
Tired...
Posted 13 years agoSo tired, just woke up...had a rather weird dream, about someone I'm not sure I've ever had a dream about, at least not this kind of dream. Makes me feel weird, and part of me somewhat regret the past....but the past is the past, so I dunno...im just rambling tiredly lol
to commission or not to commission?
Posted 13 years agoHmmm....thinkin bout throwing out another commission....not sure why just in a mood to see people draws my fursona....i dunno what of or who to commish this time cause im cheap lol
I love this video.
Posted 13 years agoI love this video. You should too. I feel like a changed man.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LKH.....eature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LKH.....eature=related
MLP Meme
Posted 13 years agoPinkie Pie:
[x] You’re the black sheep of the family.
[x] You’re majorly hyper.
[x] You love to siiiing!
[ ] You’re known for throwing great parties!
[ ] You’re great at baking.
[x] People sometimes don’t get your jokes.
[ ] You’re a prankster troll.
[x] You’re a super-intense personality.
[ ] You have strange pets.
[x] You are known to go to extremes.
Total: 6
Applejack:
[ ] You’re very stubborn.
[ ] You find great joy in working.
[ ] You prefer the country to the city.
[ ] You speak with an accent.
[ ] You HATE cheating.
[x] You have freckles.
[x] You prefer casual wear rather than formal things.
[ ] You wear your hair in (a) ponytail(s).
[ ] You have a large family.
[x] You have trouble lying.
Total: 3
Twilight Sparkle:
[ ] You have a huge collection of books.
[x] You value your alone time.
[ ] You have trouble making friends.
[x] You are very intelligent.
[ ] You write letters regularly.
[ ] You find a lesson in everything.
[ ] You have trouble doing things “the old-fashioned way.”
[ ] You’ve recently moved to a new town.
[x] You’re rather sarcastic.
[x] You’re often accused of being a know-it-all.
Total: 4
Rarity:
[ ] You love being the center of attention.
[x] You have a cat.
[ ] You sew well.
[ ] It’s well-known that you’re somewhat vain.
[x] You love the excitement of the city!
[x] You will overwork yourself to do something nice for your friends.
[ ] You wear makeup.
[x] You’re prone to whining.
[ ] You have original taste in fashion.
[x] You enjoy bonding with your besties
Total: 5
Rainbow Dash:
[x] You love winning.
[x] You like sports.
[ ] You have a funky hair color.
[ ] You have fangirl tendencies.
[ ] You have no problem speaking your mind.
[x] You will give up anything for your friends.
[x] You like being recognized for good things.
[x] You have no problem defying traditional gender-roles.
[x] You act now, think later.
[ ] You’re very brave.
Total: 6
Fluttershy:
[x] You HATE being the center of attention.
[x] You struggle with sharing your mind.
[x] You love animals and help them however you can.
[ ] You’re graceful.
[x] You’re very quiet or soft-spoken.
[x] You have a secret mean-streak.
[ ] You’ve been told you could model.
[ ] You’re the eldest of your friends.
[ ] You like wearing your hair loose and long.
[x] You’re very nurturing
Total: 6
Soooo I'm a 3 way tie between Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy....I'm FlutterDashPie! X3
[x] You’re the black sheep of the family.
[x] You’re majorly hyper.
[x] You love to siiiing!
[ ] You’re known for throwing great parties!
[ ] You’re great at baking.
[x] People sometimes don’t get your jokes.
[ ] You’re a prankster troll.
[x] You’re a super-intense personality.
[ ] You have strange pets.
[x] You are known to go to extremes.
Total: 6
Applejack:
[ ] You’re very stubborn.
[ ] You find great joy in working.
[ ] You prefer the country to the city.
[ ] You speak with an accent.
[ ] You HATE cheating.
[x] You have freckles.
[x] You prefer casual wear rather than formal things.
[ ] You wear your hair in (a) ponytail(s).
[ ] You have a large family.
[x] You have trouble lying.
Total: 3
Twilight Sparkle:
[ ] You have a huge collection of books.
[x] You value your alone time.
[ ] You have trouble making friends.
[x] You are very intelligent.
[ ] You write letters regularly.
[ ] You find a lesson in everything.
[ ] You have trouble doing things “the old-fashioned way.”
[ ] You’ve recently moved to a new town.
[x] You’re rather sarcastic.
[x] You’re often accused of being a know-it-all.
Total: 4
Rarity:
[ ] You love being the center of attention.
[x] You have a cat.
[ ] You sew well.
[ ] It’s well-known that you’re somewhat vain.
[x] You love the excitement of the city!
[x] You will overwork yourself to do something nice for your friends.
[ ] You wear makeup.
[x] You’re prone to whining.
[ ] You have original taste in fashion.
[x] You enjoy bonding with your besties
Total: 5
Rainbow Dash:
[x] You love winning.
[x] You like sports.
[ ] You have a funky hair color.
[ ] You have fangirl tendencies.
[ ] You have no problem speaking your mind.
[x] You will give up anything for your friends.
[x] You like being recognized for good things.
[x] You have no problem defying traditional gender-roles.
[x] You act now, think later.
[ ] You’re very brave.
Total: 6
Fluttershy:
[x] You HATE being the center of attention.
[x] You struggle with sharing your mind.
[x] You love animals and help them however you can.
[ ] You’re graceful.
[x] You’re very quiet or soft-spoken.
[x] You have a secret mean-streak.
[ ] You’ve been told you could model.
[ ] You’re the eldest of your friends.
[ ] You like wearing your hair loose and long.
[x] You’re very nurturing
Total: 6
Soooo I'm a 3 way tie between Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy....I'm FlutterDashPie! X3
sick at work...
Posted 13 years agoSpiking a fever at work...chills dizzy and such....ughhhh....
Reflections 2012
Posted 13 years agoJust laying in bed, reflecting. I'm overall content, and although I am thankful to be where I am, because so many people have it worse. However, I can't help but feel this ache...the ache of bitterness as to why I am here, instead of where I should be, where I was just one year prior. I was on my way, saving to get back to the education that I was forced to put on hold for a while, working a steady, good paying job, that would allow me to do that, and still work, but it was taken from me for reasons beyond my control, through no fault of my own other then I was just not liked. I've never been liked anywhere I go, school, work, etc, though I'm not sure why, but alas, I'm getting side-tracked. I only hope that this year, 2012, will go much better for everyone, for friends and family, and even for me. So here is to a new year, and hopefully...new beginnings...
