Good evening everyone! Exciting news!

For a good few years now, I've slowly been accumulating writing and roleplays utilizing various species from my expanded RP setting. For ages, I've had a fair number of alien species I came up with alongside friends to populate a future galaxy. But I've never really had dedicated art for the species or worlds of the setting... until now!

With help from the talented , i'm finally getting a series of reference pieces to depict the 15+ species in this setting! Keep an eye out over the coming months for the references! Each will come with a few paragraphs of lore I've been saving!

These species are largely origional, with a few exceptions that are more or less my adaptations of popular generic species for the setting. I'm happy to answer anyone's questions in regard to lore or what have you. And as things progress, I hope to bring more people into the setting brainstorming new RPs and stories with my wider setting!

Stay tuned for a slowly expanding roster of the wonderful and wild aliens that inhabit these bold new worlds, and get excited as I plan to work with some irl friends to make this setting Starfinder compatible!

Hello Everyone, hope you've been well. I've been up and down, but overall things are on the upswing. Fully recovered from my recent surgery. Finances are smoothly in order. Got tons of great games on my backlog to play and miniatures on the table to paint, I've got a lot to be thankful for. With how positive of a swing my life is taking right now, I think the only thing I'm missing is someone to share it with.

After 3 years, I'm finally stepping back into the dating scene. After so long recovering from shit be it medical, financial, or emotional, I'm ready to open myself up to new people and start looking for a partner again. Ideally, someone with at least some of my interests, hence why I'm mentioning it here. But moreover, someone to who I can relate on an intellectual level. Someone artsy and creative, kindhearted and relatable, curious and sweet. The mister or missus perfect may not exist, but I'm still gonna look. Who knows what wonderful people I'll meet along the way?

If any of you out there in the audience want to have a chat about it, don't be shy! You'll never know if we're a good match until you reach out and find out.

It's been another couple of weeks since my surgery, and my recovery is going well. Had my stitches out the day before Thanksgiving, and at this point, I've healed to the point where I don't need bandages anymore. I have a very notable scar on my neck, but it's covered by my beard. That's another thing... I'm not allowed to shave until February, doctor's orders. Can't risk opening it back up with a razor or getting shaving cream in it. So I have a big busy brown beard right now. Itchy, but I guess I should be thankful I have it in the winter and not the summer.

My neck is still a little stiff and tight, most noticeably when I look up or down. I'm still a little sensitive around the scar itself, but no more pain. Just itchy, sensitive skin I can't shave. But I am relieved to say, I can swallow without much difficulty now. I find I'm eating just a little lower than before, but I'll take it over being forced to a soft food diet. Welcome back pretzels, how I've missed ye.

Got all my holiday shopping done, got a bunch of fun games and painting projects on the backburner.
And! I've worked quite a bit more on my book. Been spending a few minutes every few days writing, and a few hours every couple weeks with some old friends editing it. If you guys are interested, I might start posting the chapters here on FA. Let me know in the comments!

Yesterday I had my surgery. It went smoothly, and it isn't as debilitating as I thought, but it certainly wasn't pleasant. I have a big ugly black stitch across my throat and a little plastic tube to let excess fluid escape the cavity where they snipped out my cyst. Ick. My neck is stiff and sore, and difficult to move.

It's hard to swallow, hard to sleep, and hard to speak. I have a near-constant dull pain, a 1-2/10 that never ends. It's more irritating than anything, but it's hard to express how disruptive it is. I can't swallow without it jumping to a 2-3/10, sometimes 4/10. This has made it all but impossible for me to sleep until I'm so utterly exhausted I don't register the pain. It's only day two, so I know it will only get better... But god I'm impatient.
Even taking a drink of water is an utter chore due to how difficult and painful it is to swallow. My diet currently consists of applesauce and medicine, as that's about all I can eat because of how painful it is to open my mouth wider than a spoon.

I can't wait for this to be over, I'm supposed to be mostly healed within a week or two. The doctor says I'm going to have a nasty scar from this. It's gonna be rough shaving my neck for a while after I imagine. Anyway, that's enough complaining for the moment. Just needed to vent about it a bit.

While I have recovered well from Covid, life has been keeping me quite busy. Thankfully the busy season at work is drawing to a close, so things are gradually getting less hectic. Just in time as well, as my surgery has been scheduled for the 16th. Going to be out of commission for a couple weeks, unable to talk or eat hard foods while my neck and throat recover. Not looking forward to that, but I am excited for what comes after.

With my surgery happening this fall, it will be covered by my parents insurance rather than the new insurance I'll need to buy once I turn 26th in january. I should be able to pay off any remnants of that expense and my loans by mid january (or whenever Biden's aid happens and processes), leaving my finally free to plan towards moving out and looking at independence. My parents aren't pushing me out or anything, but I do want my own space when the time comes. I also plan to start dating again in January or February and being both debt free and looking at places to live will be nice bonuses to my profile.

Hobby wise, i've been doing a lot of gaming and painting in my time off, helping alleviate the stress of my work and commute. I have another commission or two coming i'll be posting when the time comes, so look forward to that. I've also been working on a bit of a story centered around Elly! Those of you who know me on discord might've seen me talking about it, or even helped in editing. I'm very happy with the prologue, so I might start posting the book chapter by chapter once a few others are written and edited. Let me know if you guys are interested!

Overall, got some hurdles ahead but what's beyond them is nothing but exciting!

Things have been progressing steadily since my last journal. My shift changed to 12-9 so I can carpool with my stepmother on occasion, I've been picking up some overtime, budgeting well, and overall preparing myself well for the impending surgery. Thankfully, a preliminary cat scan confirms it's just a cyst, not cancer. I was supposed to see a specialist Thursday to finally schedule said surgery... But unfortunately, life had other plans.

This past Sunday, I was feeling so abysmal, so absurdly ill. Coughing, sneezing, sore throat, hot and cold flashes, dizziness... And a positive Covid test confirmed my worst fears. Since then life has been misery. I can't breathe through my nose it's so congested, my eyes are constantly tired no matter how much I sleep, and my throat is constantly dry and sore. My sleep schedule is all messed up from frequent napping and the hot and cold flashes make it even harder to sleep when I want to. I shudder to think how much worse this would be if I wasn't vaccinated, I can barely stand.

To make matters worse, i haven't been with my company long enough to accrue sick leave, so I'm laying around suffering and losing money while I do it. And because I had to reschedule the specialist appointment, it's been pushed back to the soonest available... October 13th. Fantastic.

I suppose I should be thankful this should all be over in a week or two, but god damn this is terrible. I type this laying in bed with insomnia, my eyes burning and throat stinging after four hours of trying in vain to get back to sleep after waking up with a throat as dry as the Sahara. Wish me well friends, this isn't going to be easy.

Hello everyone. Been at my new job for a month or so now, and while I wouldn't say I'm enjoying it... I find it bearable. The work isn't hard, and the people i'm working alongside are pleasant. My hours are a little unpleasant at 8-5 with an hour drive before and after, but I can live with it. I've been getting counseling a little less regularly as result, but I'm still getting support every few weeks. The pay is treating me well, I've been budgeting and planning, and between my saved inheritance and what I know I can afford to reserve from each bi-weekly check, I should be able to pay off more than a third of my loans by the end of the year if I'm diligent. This has done leagues for my anxiety... Or, it had been... Except, for a few other things that came up quite recently.

My grandmother, specifically my mother's mother, passed away recently. Now, I hadn't spoken to that side of my family in quite some time. They cut contact with us when my mother died. As result, this didn't sting as much as perhaps it should have. I talked it out in counseling, but... it worries me how numb I was to her passing. My uncle made me go through some hoops to handle paperwork, impatiently and frequently emailing myself and my father throughout the process. I found out only yesterday that due to some confusion with his email's spam blocking features, he wasn't getting our replies. I've sorted it out now... but he was quite hostile despite how cooperative i've been. He even had the balls to claim my mother would be ashamed of me for my behavior, when it was his fault he wasn't seeing my replies. I don't think ive been so angry in quite some time.

And lastly... some potentially grim news. Today I went to see a doctor about a large and uncomfortable bulge on the underside of my neck. They believe it is a likely benign thyroid duct cyst, but there is a risk it could be cancer. Needless to say, that would be utterly terrifying. My aunt is a nurse, and reassures me that thyroid cancer is quite treatable... But I'm still quite afraid. Cancer or benign, this is going to need to be removed, and I've had traumatic experiences in the past with surgery. When I had my appendix out, I woke up on the table in a haze of drug-induced pain and horror. And as I've mentioned prior, I had a bad reaction to the pain meds they prescribed me afterword. And surgery means medical leave from my new job, which messes with my budget. When my dad broke his leg in 2011, his work illegally fired him and he had to fight tooth and nail in court to get what they owed him. While I don't expect this to be as extreme a case as that... I'm still just... so afraid.

Everything is such a tangled mess right now. I'm doing my best to sift through it and live my best life, but I can't help but be ever so worried about so many things. After I see a specialist in an upcoming appointment, I can at least confirm if this is benign or cancerous, and keep moving forward from there. I'll keep y'all posted. Thank you for giving this a read.

So, it's been a bit since my last journal, and quite a few things have happened. I've been getting counseling every other week or so, and I really do believe it's helping. I've been smiling more, getting more done, and feeling less self-hating. I've been working on myself, trying to get better at reaching out to new people and making friends, as well as trying not to be so hard on myself when I make a mistake or fail. But I recognize now that I learn best when I've made a mistake or fail and need to adapt, so i'm making an effort to shift my perspective.

My job search has reached an end, and while the job is a bit further from home than I'd like, it has decent pay and because my stepmother works there, her referral feeds back into the family. It also means I have someone quite available for helping me learn the ropes! So i'm staying largely optimistic. Better still, my tax return this year is a little bigger than I expected, so I've got a nice chunk of money I can safely put into paying off my loans, which helps ease that worry some.

I start my new job monday, so I have just under a week left to enjoy myself guilt-free before I get down to business and work hard at chewing through my bills. Despite the sour state of the world overall, things are looking up the slightest bit for yours truly!

Halfway through the month now, and things aren't quite as bad as they seemed. I'm still struggling with my depression, but I had a very effective and comforting psychiatrist appointment last friday. Just, venting about it all to an attentive listener felt so good. She helped me realize some buried trauma I had, that explains my aversion to recreational drugs and my hesitance to take meds for my depression or ADHD. My late mother smoked, and my parents often argued over it very loudly. Her smoking hastened her passing due to medical complications. When I was in high school, I had my appendix out, and was prescribed a derivative of morphine for the pain. I had a horrific reaction, hallucinations, painful and maniacal laughing fits that I couldn't stop, and intrusive homicidal thoughts. Needless to say, between bad reactions and family drama, I'm scared to put anything other than food and drink in my body. I guess it's comforting to put some reason and logic behind the fear and hesitance.

I've managed to stick to my chair rather than lay in bed for the majority of the past few days, and have actually gotten some things done as result. Been applying to more jobs and spending more time on physical hobbies. Model building, painting, and rolling dice on tabletop games. I've managed to see friends this weekend, and I've scheduled to game with a stranger I met in discord tomorrow morning at a local hobby shop. Hopefully I can force myself to chat with and game with some locals more often to help alleviate my loneliness and just, get past my mental barrier in making new friends. Loneliness has hit me very, very hard today. My good friend Brad was telling me about a romantic visual novel he just finished, and between that and the withdrawal of having friends around yesterday, and some poorly timed romantic songs on the radio... I just have this ache in my chest for companionship in any form.

I've started to get some bites in my job search, though only in people asking clarifying questions, no interviews yet. In the meantime, I'm working on getting a temporary job at a nearby Cumberland Farms gas station to get some money coming in. I'm beyond thankful for my fortunate financial situation. Last I had checked, my health insurance my parents provide would no longer cover me when I turned 25, but it seems since I had last checked it was changed to coverage until 26. That's a weight off my shoulders, gives me a whole extra year to get a job lined up and sort out finances. I also misremembered my driver's license expiry, it doesn't need renewing. I believe it's my plates instead, I'll check them tomorrow to be sure. I don't need this weighing on me any more.

I'm not sure if anyone is reading these. Don't be afraid to comment if you are, I welcome the conversation.

2022 has been a slow start of a year for me. I've been plagued by depression and lacking in energy and motivation to the degree where most days I could barely get out of bed. After a pretty severe depressive episode last night, my parents insisted in taking me to a crisis center. I'm quite happy they did, in hindsight. I just, broke down. I let it all out, incoherently rambled and cried about my insecurities and issues to a patient listener. I'm finally going to be getting some counseling and therapy. Despite my past traumatic experiences, I am nervously considering some medication for my depression and ADHD as well.

It's all such a tangled mess of compounding issues that make me feel guilty or down, hopeless or powerless, inadequate and a failure. I feel so alone, so touch-starved and deprived. Yet I struggle to reach out to people, to make myself go out and spend time with people. I moved a little over a year ago, and the few friends I had now live over an hour away. Its scary and nerve-wracking trying to make new friends. And it was traumatic leaving behind the home I had lived in my entire life and the friends I had made there. The few times I have managed to get together with my friends have been absolutely lovely, but even then I feel intense guilt for taking up their time and not spending my own time on "something more productive". All my issues feed into themselves in other ways, weighing me down in different aspects of my suffering.

Having recently graduated college, my job search has not been going well. No one has replied to my applications, which only compounds feelings of guilt, low self confidence, and self-hate. This is heightened by issues of feeling I don't deserve my degree, as i've had issues with depression throughout college and had lots of days where I barely got out of bed there as well. I feel like I didn't learn everything I needed to, and people just turned a blind eye and gave me an A+ to look good on their performance reviews. In my recent internship, I struggled immensely with things my boss assumed I would already have mastered, and consequently got removed from working with them. Yet somehow, perhaps entirely based on the written paper and journal requirements from the college's side of things... I was still given an A+. I just... don't feel like I deserve it. It brings everything up to this point into question. Was I on the deans list because I was actually excelling, or just because of grades inflation? I'm soon turning 25, which means I need to get my own health insurance, as my parents' plan will no longer cover me. This is another financial weight on me that makes not having a job even more painful for me. I need to renew my drivers' license soon as well, which means a lovely eternity of waiting in the RMV.

Things will get better though, for the first time in a long while I have a glimmer of hope on things. I'm going to start using the journal feature here to vent about things and keep curious friends updated on my progress and mental health. It... does feel good venting about this here.