im the rightful owner of the design Toxxik and the original character the suit has hence moved on to new owners. however i own the deisgn. and plan on commissioning a new fullsuit from MFL with the same design.

- Staying at:
Hilton Doubletree!

- Arrival and Departure?
Wednesday 9-23 - Monday 9-28

- Mode of transportation:
Flyin'!

- Rooming with:
and a few more awesome peeps!

- Who will I see you with?
Mostly my group of crazy friends! :D

- Con Plans:
I don't really make plans for cons, I just go with the flow and get rowdy af.

- How can I find you?
Me out of suit: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17731457/

and then I have a mystery suit i'm debuting at RF!

- Do you do free art?

I don't art haha

- Do you do trades?
Again, i dont art :P

- Do you do commissions?
NU

- Will you have Art in the Art Show?
NAH

- Will you be going to parties?
So many parties.

- Will you be performing?
YUP. Variety show, and probably the dance comp!

- Smoke?
Yeh. Tryna quit lol

- Drink
Yehhh

- Can I hug you?
ASK BEFORE BUT YEH HUGS

- Can I talk to you?
Hell yeah. :D

- Will you be at any panels?
Maybe...

- Can I buy you drinks?
YEH

- What suits will you have?
ITS A SURPRISE SH

- How tall?
5'7" :DD

- Can I Take pictures of you?
Always!!

- How can I get your attention?
Just tap me on the shoulder or something or call my name lol

Oh. My. God. Where do I even begin?

I have never had a better con experience. There, I said it.
BLFC's theme this year was Utopia. They went all out. Posters all around the con space proclaimed "Conform, Obey..." and a variety of other messages pertaining to the theme. People were allowed to "deface" the posters and throughout the con it looked as if an "uprising" would start with all the messages on the posters. They and people in white berets they called the "Hushpuppies" or the secret police and they Censor Team which tried to cover all the uprising messages with censor stickers. Next years theme is "Resistance" which makes sense, and I can't wait!

I had an awesome time hanging with my friends and meeting new people. Most of the con, I hung out with and and we were all rooming together.
I ended up placing third in the dance competition in novice, and my homie Puppywolf got third in Veteran. We were both really happy about it.

Overall, it was just such an amazing convention, and partying it up with so many friends was such a great time.

Also, I'm sorry i advent been on here much. There's been a little bit too much going on in my life right now, but I have good news! I'll be moving to the Bay Area soon! I'll be closer to a lot of my really close friends, so yay! But yeah, thats pretty much it. I should be at Califur, and as of now, I will be at Furlandia as well! So many cons going on lately! Hopefully I'll see some of you guys there as well!

~Toxxik

This years' FC was fucking amazing.

I ended up rooming with my friends, Zazzy,  puppywolf and Galaxy. It was an odd group but we made it work.
I had an amazing time at the dance comp, and I'm really proud with how i did! Puppywolf did a amazing performance, and blew my mind with his tutting, like he always does. He never ceases to amaze me! Also, my friend absolutely slayyyyyyyed when she debuted her new suit! She's so talented!
All in all, it was a wonderful con. It had some rough spots, but all cons do!

I'm going to be going to BLFC! I'm getting my own room, and gonna have only me and a few close friends in it, so yeah, it should be really fun!
Cant wait to see you guys there as well!

Hey guys, my friend is auctioning his suit, because he needs some cash! Help him out, or just give it some more publicity!

https://www.furbuy.com/auctions/1064957.html

Much loves, xoxo

Ask me absolutely anything, and I will answer honestly! Click here!

I wanna commision my digigrade fullsuit and have it before Further Confusion! Who should I go to, who also has good quality? :o I think my [annoying] budget cap is gonna have to be $2000... Help?

I lost access to my old one, so go follow this one to get my fursuit photos before anyone else! Plus a bunch of funny gifs to come!

http://shutuptoxxik.tumblr.com/

Check it.



See my other stuff here: http://www.youtube.com/user/theonlytoxxik

Add meh?
toxxiklove

Goooo.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5672098/

I have a week to find one and i'm freaking out :c HELP.

Listening to: New Single by Karmin, "Pulses"

Going to Disneyland tomorrow with my friend Sasha. Its gonna be nice to sort of get away from everything, and see a good friend at the same time. I've been pretty stressed lately, and this should help me out.
A lot of "friends" have turned on me lately, and although it doesn't really make me happy, at the same time, i feel like its for the better. Like, if they're going to be the way they are, then i shouldn't feed the fire, right? I used to have a good amount of immature people as my friends, but i've found a lot of the right people, even though it took a while. I have to give a fucking HUGE thanks to and like, two more i can remember right now for pulling me out of my narcissistic and immature mindset and helping me find myself again. I almost melted into this crazy, annoying kid and i really didn't wanna be that person.

About that Dr. Phil Episode...

I realize i do have some biased opinion on Seanna, or Culpeo_wolf here on FA (Not tagging her out of respect). Me and her have parted ways, more or less because i didn't feel like the friendship was healthy for me anymore, and id been thinking about it for a while.
A bit of it was because she cussed me out though, but whatever. Not the point of this part of the journal!
Those other two people Dr. Phil had on the show were... different. The Rabbit lady was... Unique, to put it mildly. Boomer, well, he isn't a furry. I know there is a term for people who believe they are/were animals, although it escapes me at the moment, but he fits that category better.
Now on to Seanna...
I do agree that she wasn't the best furry to put on there. I don't think they would've found a poster furry to put on this show that would agree to it. I feel like she could've toned down her look a little bit for the show, the hair and eyebrows were a bit much (yeah i know, comments on eyebrows coming from me, but still...) but at least she looked business-y, with her blazer.
I honestly expected a lot worse, and she actually did alright. She seemed to be the only ok person on there, even though she does have a lot of personal and family issues she needs to work through, a long with a handful of psychological ones, but hey, I can Major Depressive Disorder and i've worked through it every day. It shouldn't be hard for her at all.
All and all, she did pretty good. But yeah. That's my week.

Ciao.

Everything about love, even the pain of it, helps us become more and more confident in ourselves.

As much as I feel slowly destroyed by the heartbreak and the challenges I face from day to day, I know that end the end, there IS someone out there for me, no matter how far away it may be.

So as I sit here crying, listening to Jessie J and Marina and the Diamonds sing the thoughts that speed through my head day after day, I'm hoping that i will be able to trust people with my true self, and be able to confide in them the things i feel obligated to keep locked inside. I want to be able to trust people with the true me, and not the various facades I have put on to attempt to hide from the hate and please the people around me. It's a sad thing in itself that i feel such a need to hide from everyone. I don't feel like there is much else I can do at this point though. I'm so scared to trust people, because of all the pain and loss and so many traitorous actions from those i thought to be friends... People just use me, whether it guys, who want me for sex, or "friends" who want to get something out of me.

It's difficult to go from day to day.
Sometimes, i break down when i'm with people, and i have to step away from their sight and cry. I don't want anyone to see my weakness. I can't let them in. Sometimes it's even hard for me to breathe. I get these little moments where i don't even know what to do with myself. I space out and look off into the distance, and sometimes when this happens, I'm with people. Once in a while, someone will come over to me and try to get my attention, and i just keep looking as tears drip from my eyes. They don't even seem to notice the tears, and they always just walk away.

It's just scarring... All of this is so hard to put into a good perspective.

I got third place, and the creativity award. <3

Don't know if i'll be able to make it, but i'm gonna try. I'm supposed to have a drag show that day, and i'm not sure if its gonna work out or not.

I might see you there, I might not.

Hey, few furs who read my journals.


I don't really even know why i'm writing this at the moment. Maybe just to vent, or maybe something else entirely, but i need to get this out. This week, i have been through so much shit it just makes me wanna scream. I got in fights with my mother and father, lost people who i thought i could trust, but in the end proved me wrong... so fucking wrong...
And on top of that, a friend of mine, her name was Kristal, died last Saturday.
Someone at my old school, that she still went to, managed to pressure her enough to do meth... and she OD'd on it.
Kristal was never one to do drugs, so i know she must have been hella pressured... I miss her so fucking much already.

Another thing that has been making me question life in its entirety is the fact that every time i think i even have the possibility of being loved and care for by someone in that way, it either. A.) blows up in my face. B). the guy isn't interested. or C.) They think i'm some sort of freakazoid. I realize love hasn't always been my forte, and i know i'm still young, but it'd be nice to not be so alone. I see all my friends in such perfect relationships, and i'm just sitting in the corner trying not to cry, because i know that even if i do find a boyfriend... there's not way in hell that i'll have such a thing. A relationship envied by all, one everyone see and points and says, "Oh my gosh! Aren't they just so adorable together?"
No, i'm not good enough to grasp such a gem.

On top of that, i've been feeling super disconnected from the furry community... People who i consider(ed) my furry family of sorts have been ignoring me left and right, or just making zero attempt to contact me. I feel like i've got no one left to turn to, and it feels like the only option left is to put all my walls back up...

...or give up all together.

I don't know what to do anymore, and i'm fairly sure a lot of people on here are gonna call me "dramatic", but at this point, that's irrelevant. This isn't me being dramatic like i sued to about every little thing, this is me losing the support system i have/had and not knowing what to do when it all falls down...

Its hard for me to say, but i'm lost... and i don't know what to do this time.

You guys need to go check this chick out!

Her art is amazing and at good prices, and she has slots open for commissions right now! I've gotten a lot of art from her, and i love all of it.

GO!! <3

So i have decided to recreate my first fursona. I made this guy when i was around 10 years old, and i think its about time to bring him back.
HΔlo is a black, white, and brown buck. There's a bunch of markings he has that are sort of difficult to explain in a journal, but he has one green and one blue eye.

So if anyone is interested in doing some art of him for me, or you know someone who would, please comment here or note me. <3
Re-postings of this journal are greatly appreciated!

Whos going? Don't know what to expect this time, as always really...

Also, as fucked to hell as my lfie is right now, my damn brain wants to be all
"OOOH YOU SHOULD LIKE THIS GUY LEMME JUST PUSH A COUPLE BUTTONS BAM NOW YOU WANNA BE WITH HIM HAHA"

Fuck you brain... Fuck you with no lube. I do not need to be dealing with emotional crap right now.
The thing is, I really do like him. But what the fuck do I do? This has never been my area of expertise.
I can't just tell him...

Can I?