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So much time has passed...
Posted 5 years agoIts been some time since my severe mental break. In that time I have made some tremendous progress in my mental health. Unfortunately, I have made equally disturbing steps backward in my physical health.
I was recently diagnosed with Multiple Primary Malignancy Cancer in my right kidney, gallbladder, unattached cancer to the pancreatic sack, furthest right lobe of my liver, throat, stomach, and upper GI.
I say recently but it has been quite a bit of time realistically.
I have been on immunotherapy and I am trying to fight things the best I can. I am overwhelmed at the amount of near death experiences and other various health problems that have happened in the passed few years. I -am- trying, though at times I have at times considered throwing in the towel.
I have wronged a great many people in my life & I have done my best to correct those wrongs. I have distanced myself a great deal from the fandom in general due to the obscene amounts of back stabbing, blackmailing others for their own benefit or just to get their way, or even to prove a point. The sheer amount of lying about each other, rumor mongering, etc.
The sociopolitical environment from what I can tell has torn the fandom to shreds & barely exists as it was 5 years ago. I however, see some glimmers of light.
Some return of sanity as groups of members of the fandom have formed to lift each other up, instead of tearing each other down. A return of tolerance & understanding. Of that, I am thankful.
I wish I had better news to share, unfortunately I do not.
I have moved from where my prior living situation was and I am a home owner again. I bought myself a motorcycle. I am working, so that's a bonus, I have not been to a con in quite a bit of time, which sucks.
My hope is once all this Covid crap is over and taken care of, that i can get back to comedy and conventions!
I wish you all happy and safe meetings.
Take care & be safe.
Tracer
I was recently diagnosed with Multiple Primary Malignancy Cancer in my right kidney, gallbladder, unattached cancer to the pancreatic sack, furthest right lobe of my liver, throat, stomach, and upper GI.
I say recently but it has been quite a bit of time realistically.
I have been on immunotherapy and I am trying to fight things the best I can. I am overwhelmed at the amount of near death experiences and other various health problems that have happened in the passed few years. I -am- trying, though at times I have at times considered throwing in the towel.
I have wronged a great many people in my life & I have done my best to correct those wrongs. I have distanced myself a great deal from the fandom in general due to the obscene amounts of back stabbing, blackmailing others for their own benefit or just to get their way, or even to prove a point. The sheer amount of lying about each other, rumor mongering, etc.
The sociopolitical environment from what I can tell has torn the fandom to shreds & barely exists as it was 5 years ago. I however, see some glimmers of light.
Some return of sanity as groups of members of the fandom have formed to lift each other up, instead of tearing each other down. A return of tolerance & understanding. Of that, I am thankful.
I wish I had better news to share, unfortunately I do not.
I have moved from where my prior living situation was and I am a home owner again. I bought myself a motorcycle. I am working, so that's a bonus, I have not been to a con in quite a bit of time, which sucks.
My hope is once all this Covid crap is over and taken care of, that i can get back to comedy and conventions!
I wish you all happy and safe meetings.
Take care & be safe.
Tracer
What a difference a year makes for mental & Physical health
Posted 7 years agoIt's been almost a year since I have been on here.
A year since I stepped away from the fandom.
A year since I ignored my declining mental health, and because of that, hurt many people in the process.
A year since I have attended ANY conventions or meets due to the blackmail efforts of several people whom I at one time called "friends".
In this time, I have come to grips and work toward improving my reality.
The fact of the matter is, much of what happened is my fault and the fault of others. Having said that, I have some fairly anticipated news. My health seems to be on an upswing as I slowly recover from infections, blockages, and impactions throughout my body.
I have always worked toward an equal understanding of things. Trying to help others and putting my own beliefs to the side. It is just part of who I am. I put aside my focus and logic and decided to attempt to start carving out a little bit of a life for myself, while denying who I am as a person. I became the embodiment of everything I have tried to help people avoid for years.
Because of my mistakes, I have had people threaten me physically, as well as my career in comedy, music, and politics.
I can tell you now. A year later. My apologies come from the deepest part of my heart. To those effected by my waining mental health there is nothing I can do but ask that you accept my apologies. If you are unable to do so, I ask that you simply do not acknowledge my existence, write me out of your life and memory. The fandom doesn't need that level of Drama. Nor do you, or I.
To clear up a few rumors:
Appently I committed suicide?..... well, as you can see.... unless I am some ghostly or ghoulish visage typing from the beyond. I am still very much alive.
I moved? Well, kinda. I needed a place to stay after my release from the mental health facility. So while I still reside in Saint Louis, I do not reside where I was previously.
I quit doing comedy. No, I quit doing comedy at furry conventions for a bit. I may return, I may not. I still have a lot to figure out. My comedy career is still very much active, if anything recent actions have boosted my popularity as a comedian. (More on that next.)
I am running for political office.... Correct. I am... as a Republican. (Lol not a joke) I figure if anyone is going to change the way the Republican party views people, it will have to be done from within.
I quit music.
Very incorrect. If anything i am more involved with music NOW than I ever was.
I got engaged? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA no.
I will likely NEVER put another ring on my finger or get married again. EVER. To me, its not worth it. I will build and maintain friendships.... but a marriage.... absolutely not. In the passed few years, people have proven to me, that I am in no way ready, or willing to undertake THAT kind of life change.
To wrap things up. I do miss my friends. I do miss the way things were BEFORE my mental collapse. But I have a lot of work to do on myself.
In the meantime, I am planning a rather large scale invite birthday party. Not just for me, but also for the fandom. So, I am going to start work on putting together a convention.
More on that later.
For now. Thank you for reading. And if you made it this far, know that I appreciate you and your friendship. To those who hate me. Ok. I ask for your forgiveness, I offer my deepest apologies, and I wish you a long and happy life. But unless you wish to actually be my friend again. Please, just leave me alone. I have no use, or want for any more drama.
Take care and be well.
Apologetically,
Tracer
A year since I stepped away from the fandom.
A year since I ignored my declining mental health, and because of that, hurt many people in the process.
A year since I have attended ANY conventions or meets due to the blackmail efforts of several people whom I at one time called "friends".
In this time, I have come to grips and work toward improving my reality.
The fact of the matter is, much of what happened is my fault and the fault of others. Having said that, I have some fairly anticipated news. My health seems to be on an upswing as I slowly recover from infections, blockages, and impactions throughout my body.
I have always worked toward an equal understanding of things. Trying to help others and putting my own beliefs to the side. It is just part of who I am. I put aside my focus and logic and decided to attempt to start carving out a little bit of a life for myself, while denying who I am as a person. I became the embodiment of everything I have tried to help people avoid for years.
Because of my mistakes, I have had people threaten me physically, as well as my career in comedy, music, and politics.
I can tell you now. A year later. My apologies come from the deepest part of my heart. To those effected by my waining mental health there is nothing I can do but ask that you accept my apologies. If you are unable to do so, I ask that you simply do not acknowledge my existence, write me out of your life and memory. The fandom doesn't need that level of Drama. Nor do you, or I.
To clear up a few rumors:
Appently I committed suicide?..... well, as you can see.... unless I am some ghostly or ghoulish visage typing from the beyond. I am still very much alive.
I moved? Well, kinda. I needed a place to stay after my release from the mental health facility. So while I still reside in Saint Louis, I do not reside where I was previously.
I quit doing comedy. No, I quit doing comedy at furry conventions for a bit. I may return, I may not. I still have a lot to figure out. My comedy career is still very much active, if anything recent actions have boosted my popularity as a comedian. (More on that next.)
I am running for political office.... Correct. I am... as a Republican. (Lol not a joke) I figure if anyone is going to change the way the Republican party views people, it will have to be done from within.
I quit music.
Very incorrect. If anything i am more involved with music NOW than I ever was.
I got engaged? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA no.
I will likely NEVER put another ring on my finger or get married again. EVER. To me, its not worth it. I will build and maintain friendships.... but a marriage.... absolutely not. In the passed few years, people have proven to me, that I am in no way ready, or willing to undertake THAT kind of life change.
To wrap things up. I do miss my friends. I do miss the way things were BEFORE my mental collapse. But I have a lot of work to do on myself.
In the meantime, I am planning a rather large scale invite birthday party. Not just for me, but also for the fandom. So, I am going to start work on putting together a convention.
More on that later.
For now. Thank you for reading. And if you made it this far, know that I appreciate you and your friendship. To those who hate me. Ok. I ask for your forgiveness, I offer my deepest apologies, and I wish you a long and happy life. But unless you wish to actually be my friend again. Please, just leave me alone. I have no use, or want for any more drama.
Take care and be well.
Apologetically,
Tracer
Sad news and information from my doctors.
Posted 9 years agoSo here i am.
I don't really log on that often.
Lately i have been seeing a lot of doctors.
To try to put an end to my pain. Between all of the tests, being in constant pain, x-rays, open mri, ct scan, (surprised I don't fucking glow at this point) I have been dealing with basic daily medical care. (Don't ask to what extent, i don't want to discuss it)
Recently I was informed of some pretty life altering information having to do with my health. Needless to say, I was pretty crushed.
I was told that my heart could not handle the stress of constant shows, much less a full time travel schedule. My doctor suggested that I quit comedy and music.
I have a number of issues going wrong with my body... i will list a few here to give you an idea.
My nervous system has been miscoordinating my muscular strength. So, in a sense my body's muscles are working at 150%... super power unlocked right? While m physical strength has been increased theoughout my life by this it has also been a heavy strain on my heart.
To continue, my blood pressure, heart rate, o2 levels, blood toxicity have been through the roof. After tons of tests my doctors have decided to put me through thorough exploratory procedure in an effort to find and finally fix all of this crap.
I have begun loosing color acuity an my sensitivity to light has been increasing.
Understanding all of this my doctors insisted on passing some information to me that had to be delivered by a therapist.
I am not giving up however. I have daily physical therapy, i am booking a small tour (i will take it easy i promise. But my account i empty. I need to work), i am going t finish writing a few songs and record them in order to release my first comedy music cd.
I may be in constant pain. And i may have been dealt a kinda shit hand. But i will fight. Not gonna give up.
I love you all. Thank you for all you have done and continue to do. Thank you for your support.
I can give more details later. But for now, i need rest.
Thank you all.
Tracer
I don't really log on that often.
Lately i have been seeing a lot of doctors.
To try to put an end to my pain. Between all of the tests, being in constant pain, x-rays, open mri, ct scan, (surprised I don't fucking glow at this point) I have been dealing with basic daily medical care. (Don't ask to what extent, i don't want to discuss it)
Recently I was informed of some pretty life altering information having to do with my health. Needless to say, I was pretty crushed.
I was told that my heart could not handle the stress of constant shows, much less a full time travel schedule. My doctor suggested that I quit comedy and music.
I have a number of issues going wrong with my body... i will list a few here to give you an idea.
My nervous system has been miscoordinating my muscular strength. So, in a sense my body's muscles are working at 150%... super power unlocked right? While m physical strength has been increased theoughout my life by this it has also been a heavy strain on my heart.
To continue, my blood pressure, heart rate, o2 levels, blood toxicity have been through the roof. After tons of tests my doctors have decided to put me through thorough exploratory procedure in an effort to find and finally fix all of this crap.
I have begun loosing color acuity an my sensitivity to light has been increasing.
Understanding all of this my doctors insisted on passing some information to me that had to be delivered by a therapist.
I am not giving up however. I have daily physical therapy, i am booking a small tour (i will take it easy i promise. But my account i empty. I need to work), i am going t finish writing a few songs and record them in order to release my first comedy music cd.
I may be in constant pain. And i may have been dealt a kinda shit hand. But i will fight. Not gonna give up.
I love you all. Thank you for all you have done and continue to do. Thank you for your support.
I can give more details later. But for now, i need rest.
Thank you all.
Tracer
Health and loathing in Saint Louis
Posted 9 years agoSo, here I lay,
In my home (for the time being) on bed rest. Unable to move, except when I am told I can. Unable to drive, except when I am told I can. Unable to go really do anything.
Physical therapy is fun though. My doctor suggested I download pokemon go... this has been interesting to say the least.
I get up for physical therapy and so far now I get up to about 2400 steps before I have to stop and rest. (Its not much, but its a start)
I do hope to be back out doing comedy again soon. At least I hope so, I need some paying shows soon, my bank account is empty.... yay Affordable Health Care Act..... which made my bills go up! Not down...
I was hoping to get to Megaplex this year, but i just don't know. :/
I hope you are all well. Check in and let me know how you are.
Take care and be safe.
Miss you all...
Tracer
In my home (for the time being) on bed rest. Unable to move, except when I am told I can. Unable to drive, except when I am told I can. Unable to go really do anything.
Physical therapy is fun though. My doctor suggested I download pokemon go... this has been interesting to say the least.
I get up for physical therapy and so far now I get up to about 2400 steps before I have to stop and rest. (Its not much, but its a start)
I do hope to be back out doing comedy again soon. At least I hope so, I need some paying shows soon, my bank account is empty.... yay Affordable Health Care Act..... which made my bills go up! Not down...
I was hoping to get to Megaplex this year, but i just don't know. :/
I hope you are all well. Check in and let me know how you are.
Take care and be safe.
Miss you all...
Tracer
Artist Spot light of the month
Posted 10 years agoIf you haven't. Stop by and check them Out!
justpeachie
A wonderful artist and you will not be disappointed!
justpeachieA wonderful artist and you will not be disappointed!
Test Stream over. Fill this out. Let me know what YOU want!
Posted 10 years agoThe test stream is over. And booze purchased for the up coming stream. We are going to have a bit of fun with the inaugural event.
Fill this out and let me know what YOU want on the stream!
YOU get to choose!
The Main topic:
Special Guest:
Advertisements for artists and crafters and cons:
Shout outs:
Your question for "Ask Tracer" :
Artist Spotlight:
Closing segement: hate mail/words of wisdom/Raccoon's dare/Thoughts of yesterday.
Take care all.
I look forward to seeing your replies.
Tracer!
Fill this out and let me know what YOU want on the stream!
YOU get to choose!
The Main topic:
Special Guest:
Advertisements for artists and crafters and cons:
Shout outs:
Your question for "Ask Tracer" :
Artist Spotlight:
Closing segement: hate mail/words of wisdom/Raccoon's dare/Thoughts of yesterday.
Take care all.
I look forward to seeing your replies.
Tracer!
Big Announcement
Posted 10 years agoOk, Here is the deal, I am looking for vocalists.
Share this, Because this is going to be a BIG project.
I am looking for vocalists and animators.
Bass, baritone, Tenor, Soprano & Alto.
Background Vocals. Chorus. Ect.
If you know someone. Share this.
Any questions ask me here.
Share this, Because this is going to be a BIG project.
I am looking for vocalists and animators.
Bass, baritone, Tenor, Soprano & Alto.
Background Vocals. Chorus. Ect.
If you know someone. Share this.
Any questions ask me here.
New Artist Spot Light! Princess Rei
Posted 11 years ago
princessreiGo Check her out! You will not be disappointed!
Drop a line. Also, let her know who sent you her way!
An awesome person and amazing artist!
Go Go Go Go!
Happy Birthday to me! And an artist Spot light! The JAVA.
Posted 11 years agoso where did I spend my birthday, in the hospital lol. I now believe I have had every conceivable test run on me. And for the first time in my life, I am actually happy that I went to the hospital. On the plus side I am in better health than I have been in a long time. However there are still a few things that I need to take care of. But, I do very much look forward to my convention schedule this year. And seeing all of my friends as much as possible.
my artist spotlight for this month is a very dear friend of mine. And my official artist lol. Make sure to stop by her page. And for some patronage her way.
javameerkat
my artist spotlight for this month is a very dear friend of mine. And my official artist lol. Make sure to stop by her page. And for some patronage her way.
javameerkatI am either incredibly inept, or smart. You choose.
Posted 11 years agoSo here I am, 6 days ago, and I am a smoker, I drink, I smoke, I tell jokes, pretty much lather, rinse, repeat.
About 2 weeks ago, I landed myself back in the ER I or chest pains. Normally I have to be told to go, or drug there kicking and screaming. This was bad enough that I opted to go. I wanted to go.
When we get to the hospital the chest pains were still hitting pretty hard. I get into the room and get plugged up to every machine they had (or at least so it seems). And then the doctors and nurses... they leave then bloody fucking room!
.... my blood pressure is at this point through the roof. So says the doctor when she took it.
My heart rate looked like you could play a drum solo to it. Chest pains are rockin me like never before. And the doctors and nurses.... leave....
What the fuck!?
This isn't a fucking union break!
Get your asses in here and be all code blue and shit!
So there I am. Thinking I am about to die. And I make this silent promise to myself, my family, and whoever else was listening. Hell I was even praying it.
"I swear, if I am allowed to live at least to 80, I will quit smoking! I want to live a long, healthy, productive life.
6 days later.....
What the hell was I thinking!?
I feel like hell just had a marching band stomp all over my body.
so my question to myself is...what on earth was I even thinking?! Was I even the right mind to make this decision?! Now here I am, trying to remind myself why I quit, because I can breathe, I can taste my food, my sense of smell is back,my circulation has gotten better,I have more energy, hell I even sleep better, and I even have an appetite again. But the biggest plus that I can think of, is that I will be around a little bit longer to spend time with my friends, my family, and those whom I love and trust. Come to think of it...
Ok, maybe quiting smoking, isn't so bad after all.
I will try to keep everyone updated.
Take care!
About 2 weeks ago, I landed myself back in the ER I or chest pains. Normally I have to be told to go, or drug there kicking and screaming. This was bad enough that I opted to go. I wanted to go.
When we get to the hospital the chest pains were still hitting pretty hard. I get into the room and get plugged up to every machine they had (or at least so it seems). And then the doctors and nurses... they leave then bloody fucking room!
.... my blood pressure is at this point through the roof. So says the doctor when she took it.
My heart rate looked like you could play a drum solo to it. Chest pains are rockin me like never before. And the doctors and nurses.... leave....
What the fuck!?
This isn't a fucking union break!
Get your asses in here and be all code blue and shit!
So there I am. Thinking I am about to die. And I make this silent promise to myself, my family, and whoever else was listening. Hell I was even praying it.
"I swear, if I am allowed to live at least to 80, I will quit smoking! I want to live a long, healthy, productive life.
6 days later.....
What the hell was I thinking!?
I feel like hell just had a marching band stomp all over my body.
so my question to myself is...what on earth was I even thinking?! Was I even the right mind to make this decision?! Now here I am, trying to remind myself why I quit, because I can breathe, I can taste my food, my sense of smell is back,my circulation has gotten better,I have more energy, hell I even sleep better, and I even have an appetite again. But the biggest plus that I can think of, is that I will be around a little bit longer to spend time with my friends, my family, and those whom I love and trust. Come to think of it...
Ok, maybe quiting smoking, isn't so bad after all.
I will try to keep everyone updated.
Take care!
Warning. some foul language to be used here...
Posted 11 years ago..Fuuuuuuuuuuck.
Ok. I hate it here. I have 24 hours to feel better enough to check myself out of the hospital so i can get to GFM to do my show and panel.
I have no clue at this point if I can even afford to go. As I watch my fycking bank account shrink daily!
And the next time my body decides to give me the stink finger over a little pain. I am just going to ask for a trade in. Science has got to have progressed far enough at this point. Just make me a new body. Put my brain and heart in it. And let me go. At least then I could make fucking monthly payments. Like I would on a car. Then so long as it is under warranty I can just go in and get it taken care of. And just keep purchasing warranties.
Long story short.
GET ME OUTTA HERE!
Ok. I hate it here. I have 24 hours to feel better enough to check myself out of the hospital so i can get to GFM to do my show and panel.
I have no clue at this point if I can even afford to go. As I watch my fycking bank account shrink daily!
And the next time my body decides to give me the stink finger over a little pain. I am just going to ask for a trade in. Science has got to have progressed far enough at this point. Just make me a new body. Put my brain and heart in it. And let me go. At least then I could make fucking monthly payments. Like I would on a car. Then so long as it is under warranty I can just go in and get it taken care of. And just keep purchasing warranties.
Long story short.
GET ME OUTTA HERE!
For the love of all that is F@!^$/#! holy!
Posted 11 years agoOk,
Well back in this meat locker they call a hospital.
First my room was to hot. I asked them to turn the temperature down.
Then this cascade of intrepid morons turn the AC up to the point I felt like I was freezing my fuzzy dice off. So, what do I do?
"Ms.? Could you turn the temperature up just a bit?"
"Sure"
This should make me happy. Right?
Fuck no!
The nurse turned the heat up so fucking high. I feel like Kentucky Fried Gryphon's original fucking recipe!
Next day, here I am sweltering my balls off. And the doctor walks in. The first words out of his mouth and I shit you not:
"Gee golly, It's hot in here, how did you sleep last night like this?"
My only reaction was to sit up and look at him in a dead pan glare and simply say.
I DIDN'T YOU FUCKING WARD CLEAVER WANNA BE! NOW KINDLY TURN THE TERMOSTATE TO 68 DEGREES. AND GET OUT OF HERE FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR UNTIL I HAVE REHYDTATED AND I AM IN CLEAN FUCKING SHEETS BEFORE I MURDER YOU WITH A BED PAN!
.... hospital staff's reaction?
shot of morphine and a heavy dose of medication.
I wake up a few hours later, food sitting on a table next to me. My gown has been changed. My sheets have been changed. And I am clean.
.................. what the hell?! Is this what it takes to get through to these people?
Ok. A few hours go by and I am watching tv. MY doctor walks in looks at me. Shakes his head and says and I quote.
"A bit grumpy when we woke up?"
My reply?
"When you woke up maybe. And unless you have been sneaking naps in my room while I was drugged beyond oblivion. I didn't sleep last night."
To which I regaled him with the tale of the night before.
He nodded for a moment. Shook his head and asked:
"Ready for another test?"
(To which and I think this was the drugs talking)
"Shit! And I forgot to study!"
Me and my bed were wheeled into a room where I was hooked up to more monitors and other various things that go "beep and ping"
The doctor put what looked like a mouth piece for boxers in my mouth and told me that if I felt any discomfort to let him know immediately. I shook my head to say ok.
At this point he stood behind 4 inches of glass while a surgeon came in and numbed the bottom of my foot. I had to be awake for this as they placed a metal plate on the bottom of my foot and gave me a small metal rod to hold in my left hand.
I heard the doctor count down from 30. During which time I am thinking... wait... why didn't they numb my hand?!
Too late. They fucking electrocute me!
So it is a lie. Fat men can jump!... with enough voltage running through me I could have sailed my happy ass to the moon and back. (Jesus fucking purple waffle eating Christ that hurt)
I spit out the mouth piece and "What the fuck are you doing?!"
He told me I had been told about the test and agreed to it...
Ok. I may have been pretty drugged up. But when the fuck was this?
Now my hamd hurts. I feel like I kist pissed myself and to top it all off. I still have 7 more of these to go!?
Each shock carried with it a new and more creative string of obscenities.
By the time all was said and done. There I am, being wheeled back to my room. Drugged out of my ever living mind. (Apparently I tried to punch one of the male nurses... and succeeded)
My breakfast is cold. Lunch is waiting for me. And as they move me to a clean bed, my doctor makes a note in his book. Looks at me and says "Get some reat, we have more tests tomorrow."
"Oh good! You are gonna do them with me then?!"
He smiled. Shook his head. And walked out of the room commenting how he can see why I am a comedian. "Cause this guy is a funny one."
Fast forward. After some blood tests and other tests that shall remain un named for the sake of my dignity. I sit here and I have come to a sad realization.
I now know why people come here and die.
If the tests, and the nurses and doctors don't kill you. The fucking boredom will! I can't wait to get the hell out of here and just go veg on my couch killing zombies and preping for my show at The Gateway Fur Meet convention.
So drop me a line. Maybe I will insert this into my pod cast when I get the hell out of here. Or talk about it in my show. Who knows.
Well back in this meat locker they call a hospital.
First my room was to hot. I asked them to turn the temperature down.
Then this cascade of intrepid morons turn the AC up to the point I felt like I was freezing my fuzzy dice off. So, what do I do?
"Ms.? Could you turn the temperature up just a bit?"
"Sure"
This should make me happy. Right?
Fuck no!
The nurse turned the heat up so fucking high. I feel like Kentucky Fried Gryphon's original fucking recipe!
Next day, here I am sweltering my balls off. And the doctor walks in. The first words out of his mouth and I shit you not:
"Gee golly, It's hot in here, how did you sleep last night like this?"
My only reaction was to sit up and look at him in a dead pan glare and simply say.
I DIDN'T YOU FUCKING WARD CLEAVER WANNA BE! NOW KINDLY TURN THE TERMOSTATE TO 68 DEGREES. AND GET OUT OF HERE FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR UNTIL I HAVE REHYDTATED AND I AM IN CLEAN FUCKING SHEETS BEFORE I MURDER YOU WITH A BED PAN!
.... hospital staff's reaction?
shot of morphine and a heavy dose of medication.
I wake up a few hours later, food sitting on a table next to me. My gown has been changed. My sheets have been changed. And I am clean.
.................. what the hell?! Is this what it takes to get through to these people?
Ok. A few hours go by and I am watching tv. MY doctor walks in looks at me. Shakes his head and says and I quote.
"A bit grumpy when we woke up?"
My reply?
"When you woke up maybe. And unless you have been sneaking naps in my room while I was drugged beyond oblivion. I didn't sleep last night."
To which I regaled him with the tale of the night before.
He nodded for a moment. Shook his head and asked:
"Ready for another test?"
(To which and I think this was the drugs talking)
"Shit! And I forgot to study!"
Me and my bed were wheeled into a room where I was hooked up to more monitors and other various things that go "beep and ping"
The doctor put what looked like a mouth piece for boxers in my mouth and told me that if I felt any discomfort to let him know immediately. I shook my head to say ok.
At this point he stood behind 4 inches of glass while a surgeon came in and numbed the bottom of my foot. I had to be awake for this as they placed a metal plate on the bottom of my foot and gave me a small metal rod to hold in my left hand.
I heard the doctor count down from 30. During which time I am thinking... wait... why didn't they numb my hand?!
Too late. They fucking electrocute me!
So it is a lie. Fat men can jump!... with enough voltage running through me I could have sailed my happy ass to the moon and back. (Jesus fucking purple waffle eating Christ that hurt)
I spit out the mouth piece and "What the fuck are you doing?!"
He told me I had been told about the test and agreed to it...
Ok. I may have been pretty drugged up. But when the fuck was this?
Now my hamd hurts. I feel like I kist pissed myself and to top it all off. I still have 7 more of these to go!?
Each shock carried with it a new and more creative string of obscenities.
By the time all was said and done. There I am, being wheeled back to my room. Drugged out of my ever living mind. (Apparently I tried to punch one of the male nurses... and succeeded)
My breakfast is cold. Lunch is waiting for me. And as they move me to a clean bed, my doctor makes a note in his book. Looks at me and says "Get some reat, we have more tests tomorrow."
"Oh good! You are gonna do them with me then?!"
He smiled. Shook his head. And walked out of the room commenting how he can see why I am a comedian. "Cause this guy is a funny one."
Fast forward. After some blood tests and other tests that shall remain un named for the sake of my dignity. I sit here and I have come to a sad realization.
I now know why people come here and die.
If the tests, and the nurses and doctors don't kill you. The fucking boredom will! I can't wait to get the hell out of here and just go veg on my couch killing zombies and preping for my show at The Gateway Fur Meet convention.
So drop me a line. Maybe I will insert this into my pod cast when I get the hell out of here. Or talk about it in my show. Who knows.
Well, happy friggin new year...
Posted 11 years agoAnd how do I spend the majority of my time. Back in the hospital. If I am not on stage, home, or in studio. I appear to be here. Told one of the guys to use my laptop to let some people know what was going on. Have no clue if they did. Otherwise, I am soooo friggin bored. Hope I am released soon.
Amuse me Meme? Ok. Actually questions.
Posted 12 years ago1.)How did you meet me?
2.)Did I scare you?
3.)Are you watching me? If so,why?
4.) Do you think my sona suits me? If not what do you think I should be?
5.)You see someone trying to annoy me,what do you think will happen?
6.)Fill in the blank. OMG LOOK ITS ____________ YAY!
7.) If i were a food/Drink,what kind of food/drink would I be?
8.)Randomly shout something! What did you just shout?
9.) Did you just scare/confuse the hell out of anyone or any pets in the room?
10.)Randomly open the nearest book and post the first sentence you see!
(Feel free to borrow this)
2.)Did I scare you?
3.)Are you watching me? If so,why?
4.) Do you think my sona suits me? If not what do you think I should be?
5.)You see someone trying to annoy me,what do you think will happen?
6.)Fill in the blank. OMG LOOK ITS ____________ YAY!
7.) If i were a food/Drink,what kind of food/drink would I be?
8.)Randomly shout something! What did you just shout?
9.) Did you just scare/confuse the hell out of anyone or any pets in the room?
10.)Randomly open the nearest book and post the first sentence you see!
(Feel free to borrow this)
The Circus that is my Life
Posted 12 years agoSo, I need to find people who are willing to film this. I would prefer to film this particular DVD at a Convention. I will be a special guest at F3 conventuon in december! And I would like to do the filming there! The fun part is the amazing writers block that I have come across.
To those who have been wondering as to my where abouts. Fear no more. I am home until december! So, I might finally get to hang out with some friendsand finally meet some local furs. On the fantastic side, I have been working on new routines and have even had a spare bit of time to start rebuilding my studio.
I missed MFF this year. (Which sucks a lot) But I have had the chance to meet some fantastic people. I have a firm belief that the fur community are some of the most talented, imaginative, and amazing people I have ever had the honor to know.
It has been truly amazing. And as this year marks my near 20th year as a proud member of the fandom. It also marks another rather sad year as well. Should things not start to turn around soon. I will officially have more money tued up in Dvd's than travel. This is a good thing for a comedian. But this means unfortunately if Dvd sales do not pick up. I will not be able to attend conventions until I find one of the most dreaded things I have thought about since I started doing comedy... a full time, mundane job.
I will still be airing the pod cast. And dvd's will still be for sale at what locations I can get to perform at. But lately, I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed and without some serious cheering up. I fear my comedy may falter.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Keep in touch.
And any "Ask Tracer questions" send to the new TracerComedy at gmail dot com.
As I will be answering questions from these live on stage at F3!
Take care
Be safe
Tracer
To those who have been wondering as to my where abouts. Fear no more. I am home until december! So, I might finally get to hang out with some friendsand finally meet some local furs. On the fantastic side, I have been working on new routines and have even had a spare bit of time to start rebuilding my studio.
I missed MFF this year. (Which sucks a lot) But I have had the chance to meet some fantastic people. I have a firm belief that the fur community are some of the most talented, imaginative, and amazing people I have ever had the honor to know.
It has been truly amazing. And as this year marks my near 20th year as a proud member of the fandom. It also marks another rather sad year as well. Should things not start to turn around soon. I will officially have more money tued up in Dvd's than travel. This is a good thing for a comedian. But this means unfortunately if Dvd sales do not pick up. I will not be able to attend conventions until I find one of the most dreaded things I have thought about since I started doing comedy... a full time, mundane job.
I will still be airing the pod cast. And dvd's will still be for sale at what locations I can get to perform at. But lately, I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed and without some serious cheering up. I fear my comedy may falter.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Keep in touch.
And any "Ask Tracer questions" send to the new TracerComedy at gmail dot com.
As I will be answering questions from these live on stage at F3!
Take care
Be safe
Tracer
$500+ Well spent.
Posted 12 years ago I am sitting wondering, what happened to common sense?
Who the hell decided that this world could run without it.
Two nights ago two people broke into my place. Did they go for the money? Nope. The clothes? Nope. Perhaps they came for the few valuables in my home? Nah. Maybe the porn collection? Probably not. They don't have enough arms.
Instead. They went for the refrigerator. Not the appliance itself but it's contents. My first reaction upon waking to the sounds of someone being in my home? Beat the living snot out of them... my reaction that they were literally stealing so they could eat.
"Sit down!"
They didn't argue.
I already had my phone in hand.
I talked to them for a bit. A young man and girl sat down at my table. Hung their heads. They knew they had been caught. They had gotten married some months ago, their families disapproved. He had been working as well as had she, went she got laid off, they lost their place. Both of them in their twenties they were unable to make rent.
Their parents had denied them moving back in to either house hold.How do you make that call? How do you call the police on a story that was obviously bullshit. Next to my house was an older model green station wagon. She asked if she could go outside. I said yes. If at the very least l could still have him arrested. She came back... with a kid in her arms and what looked like a backpack.Yeah. Now I felt like shit.
She asked if she could use the bathroom. Now I hung my head. I showed her the way to the bathroom and told her to cime right back. She did as asked.
First off why the hell me?
Second. Wtf!?
She came back in and sat down. I didn't really know how to react. This is not something I was expecting. I was expecting to beat the crap out of some theives. Claim castle law and have them arrested. How the hell do I deal with a situation like that?
I made them dinner.I gave them an old cooler of mine.
I took them in my car to walgreens. Bought them diapers and some basic children's medication. Took them back to my house. Sat them down. They were pretty much as confused as I was. By alrights I should have just called the cops. Instead, I unfolded the couch. Made them a spot to sleep. Told him this was under the condition that he help me tomorrow and she comes with. Someone desprate enough to break into a house for food of all things is desprate enough to do a lot of things. I took them to a place in lake saint Louis that handles things like this. They got signed up for benifits from the state, got housing information. Medical help. I also bought him a prepaid cell phone and put $50 on it for unlimited text and call for the month. I told them to keep in touch and I wanted to see them from time to time to see how they were doing.All in all. That night cost me a little over $500.
Today I got a call from habitat for humanity. He used me as a reference.A few moments ago I got a text from the prepaid number."Hey. I am not sure how to say this. But thank you. I got a job today. I am sorry for everything. And I hope someday to pay you back. I hope its not any trouble. But I gave a place your number so we can get a place. Thanks again for everything."
I gave him some parting words of advice at that kitchen table. "If your life with her is worth it. Don't ever give up. There are better ways to do things. But when things get there hardest. Don't either of you give up. Don't let it split you apart. Beat the odds. Think about the feeling you had for each other that has taken you this far. Then don't ever let that feeling go."
Habitat for humanity wanted to know how I met them and if I could vouch for their story. I told them everything that had happened. The woman on the line at first didn't believe me. She asked why I would spend that kind of money on a complete stranger.
"It's a very simple rule of life lady. One that if you have to ask a question like that, you obviously don't get."
She was obviously pissed off and managed to ask me what this "rule" was.
Do unto others as you would have done unto you.
While I am not a very religious person. That is just common sense. And perhaps you should sit down and look at your life before you pass judgement on someone else who you have never met.
She paused for a moment. Cleared her throat. Asked me my occupation. When I said comedian. She stopped talking for a moment. Asked me if I had been pulling her leg.
On to right now. Needless to say. The woman told me an interviewer would be coming to visit me to verify my claims.
That woman. Is a complete fucking moron.
The young man and his wife and child...Thank you for restoring my lost hope in humanity again. I wish you all the luck. And while I am not well off money wise by any means. Thank you for letting me help you. To anyone reading this... how was your weekend?
Who the hell decided that this world could run without it.
Two nights ago two people broke into my place. Did they go for the money? Nope. The clothes? Nope. Perhaps they came for the few valuables in my home? Nah. Maybe the porn collection? Probably not. They don't have enough arms.
Instead. They went for the refrigerator. Not the appliance itself but it's contents. My first reaction upon waking to the sounds of someone being in my home? Beat the living snot out of them... my reaction that they were literally stealing so they could eat.
"Sit down!"
They didn't argue.
I already had my phone in hand.
I talked to them for a bit. A young man and girl sat down at my table. Hung their heads. They knew they had been caught. They had gotten married some months ago, their families disapproved. He had been working as well as had she, went she got laid off, they lost their place. Both of them in their twenties they were unable to make rent.
Their parents had denied them moving back in to either house hold.How do you make that call? How do you call the police on a story that was obviously bullshit. Next to my house was an older model green station wagon. She asked if she could go outside. I said yes. If at the very least l could still have him arrested. She came back... with a kid in her arms and what looked like a backpack.Yeah. Now I felt like shit.
She asked if she could use the bathroom. Now I hung my head. I showed her the way to the bathroom and told her to cime right back. She did as asked.
First off why the hell me?
Second. Wtf!?
She came back in and sat down. I didn't really know how to react. This is not something I was expecting. I was expecting to beat the crap out of some theives. Claim castle law and have them arrested. How the hell do I deal with a situation like that?
I made them dinner.I gave them an old cooler of mine.
I took them in my car to walgreens. Bought them diapers and some basic children's medication. Took them back to my house. Sat them down. They were pretty much as confused as I was. By alrights I should have just called the cops. Instead, I unfolded the couch. Made them a spot to sleep. Told him this was under the condition that he help me tomorrow and she comes with. Someone desprate enough to break into a house for food of all things is desprate enough to do a lot of things. I took them to a place in lake saint Louis that handles things like this. They got signed up for benifits from the state, got housing information. Medical help. I also bought him a prepaid cell phone and put $50 on it for unlimited text and call for the month. I told them to keep in touch and I wanted to see them from time to time to see how they were doing.All in all. That night cost me a little over $500.
Today I got a call from habitat for humanity. He used me as a reference.A few moments ago I got a text from the prepaid number."Hey. I am not sure how to say this. But thank you. I got a job today. I am sorry for everything. And I hope someday to pay you back. I hope its not any trouble. But I gave a place your number so we can get a place. Thanks again for everything."
I gave him some parting words of advice at that kitchen table. "If your life with her is worth it. Don't ever give up. There are better ways to do things. But when things get there hardest. Don't either of you give up. Don't let it split you apart. Beat the odds. Think about the feeling you had for each other that has taken you this far. Then don't ever let that feeling go."
Habitat for humanity wanted to know how I met them and if I could vouch for their story. I told them everything that had happened. The woman on the line at first didn't believe me. She asked why I would spend that kind of money on a complete stranger.
"It's a very simple rule of life lady. One that if you have to ask a question like that, you obviously don't get."
She was obviously pissed off and managed to ask me what this "rule" was.
Do unto others as you would have done unto you.
While I am not a very religious person. That is just common sense. And perhaps you should sit down and look at your life before you pass judgement on someone else who you have never met.
She paused for a moment. Cleared her throat. Asked me my occupation. When I said comedian. She stopped talking for a moment. Asked me if I had been pulling her leg.
On to right now. Needless to say. The woman told me an interviewer would be coming to visit me to verify my claims.
That woman. Is a complete fucking moron.
The young man and his wife and child...Thank you for restoring my lost hope in humanity again. I wish you all the luck. And while I am not well off money wise by any means. Thank you for letting me help you. To anyone reading this... how was your weekend?
Soooo booooored... what do I do?
Posted 12 years agoSo. It has happened... a lul in shows. Nothing to do tonight..... and its a TUESDAY?!?! Oh come on! This isn't fair.
Any suggestions?
Any suggestions?
Ask Tracer!
Posted 12 years agoThat's right. If you have a question. And you would like to see what someone else's opinion is. Want to have a good laugh? Or just out and out need advice? Want to post a subject and see what my reaction is to it? Or want to be a call in special guest? Drop me a line here or a note.
Until then,
Take care.
Tracer
Until then,
Take care.
Tracer
I am home from vacation!
Posted 12 years agoTo the furs that hung out with me while I was in london as well as a few other places. You rock. So many pubs so little time. So I think I will be giving my liver a vacation for a few days. I did get some pictures I will be posting soon. All in all. I had a blast. Now back to the grind stone and back to the pod cast re-release.
Off the plane....
Posted 12 years ago... And straight to a pub. Iove my friends. Lol
Taking a short 3 day trip
Posted 12 years agoWhere to? London and a few other places. Because I owe myself a vacation. Lol
Art raffle! Don't miss a chance at free art and a free tail!
Posted 12 years agoWell. If the subject didn't explain enough.
Go check out these two artists. I only wish I had done so sooner.
The offer is for a tail and a piece of flat color art. Well worth a journal post. Well worth watching both artists for future raffles and auctions. I have seen examples of both of their work. And it is top shelf. (Especially if some conventions might want to see if they would be interested in coming out. Hint hint lol)
On another note. What is one of the best parts of the fandom. To me. It is most definitely supporting the artists that make up it's ranks.
So stop by spread the word. And enter the raffle.
And tell them Tracer sent you. (Or not.) Either way. Go support the fandom's artists.
Follow the link below to the raffle journal.
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4862140/
Good luck. And I look forward to seeing the awesome art that comes from this raffle!
Take care!
Tracer.
Go check out these two artists. I only wish I had done so sooner.
The offer is for a tail and a piece of flat color art. Well worth a journal post. Well worth watching both artists for future raffles and auctions. I have seen examples of both of their work. And it is top shelf. (Especially if some conventions might want to see if they would be interested in coming out. Hint hint lol)
On another note. What is one of the best parts of the fandom. To me. It is most definitely supporting the artists that make up it's ranks.
So stop by spread the word. And enter the raffle.
And tell them Tracer sent you. (Or not.) Either way. Go support the fandom's artists.
Follow the link below to the raffle journal.
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4862140/
Good luck. And I look forward to seeing the awesome art that comes from this raffle!
Take care!
Tracer.
Confessions of a confused Raccoon. Part 6
Posted 12 years agoThis has actually made people say that my own body is just weird
I am allergic to vanilla.
Now imagine how much I miss cheese cake
I am allergic to vanilla.
Now imagine how much I miss cheese cake
Confessions of a confused Raccoon. Part 5
Posted 12 years agoI enjoy singing. Writing. Making people laugh.
.... But something I have never done.
I have never been to a water park.
.... But something I have never done.
I have never been to a water park.
My mood couldn't be better and all of you rock! Thank you!
Posted 12 years agoGuess who is back!
Having some downtime to think and plan has helped me sort out some personal issues. On a side note. January has never been a good month for me personally. So many friends or family passed on during that month or even on my birthday, which had me basically not wanting to do anything that month. Having said that. I owe a great deal of thanks to a wonderful group of people who made me smile more than I have in a long time. They decided that due to situations surrounding my birthday. That I needed a new one. So. I was lured to a surprise "new birthday" party. I can't begin to thank them enough for what that meant to me. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. You know who you are.
In other news.
Due to having a rather large weight lifted off my shoulders I have been on a writing frenzy. So I will be releasing very soon new comedic antics, rants, and stop the presses! Possibly a new cam show. All in the works for 2013!
I have missed a lot from the various communities that I am happily apart of. And it is time to dive head long back into it.I look forward to hearing fron each and every one of you. Thus I ask. If you would like to get to know me better. Ask me any question you would like. And I will be answering it on my pod cast. In my ask Tracer segments.
Also I will be posting regularly on subjects that I will be talking about in my pod casts. I would love to hear your opinions on these subjects. I do however ask that you respect other people's opinions once they are posted.Well it is early and I need some rest. I look forward to hearing from you all.
As always.
Take care
Tracer
Having some downtime to think and plan has helped me sort out some personal issues. On a side note. January has never been a good month for me personally. So many friends or family passed on during that month or even on my birthday, which had me basically not wanting to do anything that month. Having said that. I owe a great deal of thanks to a wonderful group of people who made me smile more than I have in a long time. They decided that due to situations surrounding my birthday. That I needed a new one. So. I was lured to a surprise "new birthday" party. I can't begin to thank them enough for what that meant to me. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. You know who you are.
In other news.
Due to having a rather large weight lifted off my shoulders I have been on a writing frenzy. So I will be releasing very soon new comedic antics, rants, and stop the presses! Possibly a new cam show. All in the works for 2013!
I have missed a lot from the various communities that I am happily apart of. And it is time to dive head long back into it.I look forward to hearing fron each and every one of you. Thus I ask. If you would like to get to know me better. Ask me any question you would like. And I will be answering it on my pod cast. In my ask Tracer segments.
Also I will be posting regularly on subjects that I will be talking about in my pod casts. I would love to hear your opinions on these subjects. I do however ask that you respect other people's opinions once they are posted.Well it is early and I need some rest. I look forward to hearing from you all.
As always.
Take care
Tracer
