I said after this that I'll lay low with doing commissions for a month or so til I get my groove back thus do a good job but I just... I don't know.
I would like to do sketch commissions, those I know I can make within a day or two depending on design but eh, I hate doubting myself now, slomps me back into depression and I really din't need that especially that I want to be happy working on COM and non-COM art...
Again just don't know... Just another random journal I suppose -_-;

Hope everyone's having a good time and have a fun and safe two weeks of the holidays.
As for me I'm just not feeling in the holiday cheer, I don't know why but meh, whatever... Same old Same old on my part...

Come to think about it, if people hate me then let them Some would have their reasons and I wouldn't blame them then there's the others really don't. Yes I was sloppy but within a month or two I'll become more of a better commission artist I swear upon it but to everyone else that hates me just of some fantasies they got going in their head pfft, I give zero fucks now, that's all in the past for me now. If they hate let them hate its nothing to me really to care -3-.

So other then that going to lay low, build up my art collection, set my final prices for my commission sales etc etc then I'll fully open commissions and just take it easy to get back into my old rhythmic self again.~

Other then that happy holidays everyone have a good and safe times for this and next week~ ^^

I admit yes I was a bad commission artist but its a mix of just feeling of rushing myself and my depression, that once I move down with my boyfriend I'm getting help that I should of gotten all those years back... But right now I'm just going to finish what I have to get done with and after that just laying low until I know I'm prepared and well organized to fully do commissions again. To those few (except for one, he's just an ass) believe me I'm truely sorry for everyone to wait. I never abandoned your comissions, once I make a deal and promise I keep it, its just my stupid life right now holding me back and I hate it. As well as I've been having computer troubles for a few months now and never barely a chance to contact anyone from and or on skype, facebook (one account's going though hell and won't let me in until now.) and my Biorave account (forgot my password but even then was filled with rage and wanted to spread the word about that said asshole and just didn't check my messages. That was stupid of me I know -_-; ) as well that just a lot of stress and keeping myself cooped up in my house is just not helping me motivate myself and I'm kicking myself in the ass for it and blaming thus doubting myself, which I do not need that at all.

So more or less I'll be working though the holidays getting these COMs up asap while working on some gift art as well, I know forcing myself into this isn't smart but its the only way I can feel good down the line as I work thus will work faster.

-This caters to one particular person that wrongfully accused me over a simple thing, read more to understand...-

Well, looks like someone unfollowed me on here and now starting up shit that personally I'm not happy about. To whom reads this take note that a CERTAIN someone is starting up shit about me cause of one badge COM, ya sure I don't have it done yet but I suffer still from my depression and even after MFF which was kinda hard on me afterwards cause I broke down crying I wanted to at least get stuff for my own cause well, that's what I like to do and show close friends and family what I got this year at cons.
Plus don't be bitching about 'oh I didn't help cover for the room, food, gas etc etc' when for:

1) You said that you covered everything and all I needed to pay her back was for the entrance badge which you (referring to that certain someone) me and my mom agreed that I would pay her back when we came back up, even my mom out of her heart gave her an extra 10 bucks for both of ya'z back home for extra gas money.

2) you said that you had the room covered and invited me at a late notice if someone didn't reply to you about being down there, sure enough that happened and I felt like you were at least repaying me back from those months that I let you stay in me house out of the goodness of my heart, HE still owes me his share of the rent (barely only payed twice out of the 8 months he lived with me) But did I hound him about that. No, cause I thought he was at least returning a bit of the favor but I guess I was wrong about that he did it just cause.

3) He only paid for one alcohol drink THAT he said that I could get before we head down out of his kindness or whatever, he's treating it like I over spend his money on booze alone...

4) Really all of this just for one badge COM and those refs were more like requests that now I'm starting to maybe decline cause of his dick move. Ya I know I'm a sloppy commissioner atm cause of my bloody depression and I can't do nothing cause people doubt me thinking that I'm lying about my depression, seriously at points in my depression not even working on art would cheer me up its that bad. I can't do nothing esp during the winter time cause I don't have any means to get out on my own leisure... Thus an un- happy artist means slow ass work, its to the point that I'm fighting myself to still be an artist cause after MFF I'm doubting myself hard and I'm fucking up my own mentality. I don't want to do that... I maybe slow but I will get it done once I feel happy about myself.

5) About that food, I only snatched one slice of that one pizza order cause the zoo or where ever that they cater food for the con goers (which he told me about and is now bitching up a storm a little) wasn't open yet or so and I was near desperate hungry to start myself thus carry myself till it did open. The only one that paid for pizza out of his good heart to cater not only me but also you and everyone for that one room party was my new friend Chibi Splash. Don't you dare think that he didn't and you paid for everything and he didn't.

6) I AM STILL WAITING contacts to do that ref art but I need info from her to make her official fursona ref sheet, my skype is fucked up from my computer, which again is fighting to still work for me still until its fixed again. Until that time you should of noted me on here or on furaffinity with all she would requested of her fursona, again wasted move and words when you should of been a bit smart about this. I'm greatful that she let me use her laptop despite my quota that I hoped for via COM cash and I did say to her that if I got very little in money I have a deal to go and buy stuff cause well its a freakin' con, I would like to get some stuff to share and so on. I felt bad saying that but she understand a bit and even if I did get more money I would of paid her my fair share for gas money and that would be it. Once I make a promise I keep it but if I need info to do something I will wait until that said part is fulfilled and I get to work, I do not want to blindly wing it and disappoint her in the end.

7) I barely posted during the time you requested for the badge COM and when FA took a shit on us, stop making it seem that's the only thing I'm doing and neglecting your COM, again I'm in a very stressful point atm and I didn't need to see you bloody post nor would feel that your pushing me to my brink which atm I am feeling sick cause I need to re-do everyone's COM from MFF cause my SD card done and been a dick for me for not saving the pics I drew at there, I almost thrown up tonight from constant all nighters remembering what people wanted, drawing them out, trying to finish them and barely getting any healthy sleep cause of it. So from that and my depression I'm forcing myself to sketch to make myself to draw so I can get happy again and thus feeling comfortable to work, and well if some of these sketches or full cleaned art appealed to me then its like any other common artist to share those certain few.

Either way point being ya I'm extra slow with working on COM cause I'm negatively bashing myself and trying to get out of that loop pole but I will get it up and around and now even seeing his post on FA, really... Ok ya I know tossing my sock around like that I am sorry but everything else oh my god... *facedesk* Seriously no wonder some don't like you Shadowpaw or now aka Raven...

Its official (god damn late though..) that I will be at MFF this year, going to leave tomorrow and will be around.
If want to know where I am just follow me on my twitter account ToxicSakuraWrks, I'll be posting where I would be when I want to get some socializing done with others~

Ello everyonez~
I'm looking forward to going to MFF this year but I don't know if my pay will work with me to support myself for the con. So I'm opening up affordable COMs to help me raise up enough to help me out on that.
Here's what I'm offering~
Full body sketch with two/three choices of color (for the line, character fill and background.) HTML's and or color swatches are a must if you want a specific color choice. Those I am running for $10

A bust/waist badge, Cell shaded with a slight hint of ambient shade/lighting, nearing the average length of 8 inches. That I'm running for $12.

But please DO NOT ask for it to be shipped for I don't have a good printer/laminate machine nor anywhere that's really close to me via a print shop.

Either way these COMs will be quick (average maybe within a few hours to within a day/two depending on how much work I get.) and with good quality to present.

If interested please note me 1st with what you would like with refs (please be pictures if don't have any be basic but precise on what the design would be in the written ref.) And I'll send you my paypal. Payment must be at front but if you don't have the pay atm I will work out something til you do get the cash, either way until that time I'll hold the COM until the pay.

Also I'll hold this as a raffle to the 1st 10 people that are for sure that they're gonna go to MFF that reblog or share this link to this journal will be entered into the drawing that I'm holding. The drawn winner will get 2 pictures to their wish and presented to him/her at MFF for free as a token of my thanks for supporting me. These will be hand drawn and inked traditionally and sealed up for protection til that said person comes up and says that he/she is the raffle winner. The drawing will end and the winner will be announced on Tuesday 19th when that's said note me asap with what you would like for me to be drawn up with the planned character(s) (limit's 3 per page and please only basic background's all I request since I will be drawing these things up before I leave around the 21st.)~

If I'm not around Artist Alley or I am or all in all want to come and meet up with me I'll post up my stats about that on my twitter, esp to the raffle winner to meet up and so. Go find me under ToxicSakuraWrkz over on twitter for news and so~

Again thanks for participating and helping out~

Raffle entrees~
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