Yeah... so... my computer keeps locking up all the time, and I seriously have no idea what's going on. I'm running Windows 7 on it, and I haven't fiddled with anything serious, or got some kinda nasty virus. Scanned like three times for that already... but I'm wondering if there's some programs that clash with eachother, or if something else is messing about... but yeah, I have no idea what's going on... and it's infuriating.

Yeah, my sister is pregnant with her fiance. She was on one of those ultrasound things yesterday, and she showed me a picture of the barely humanoid shape growing inside of her. But... I'm sorta excited about it.

Sure it's been a while since the release, but I'm still enjoying the fuck out of White. Is this the cause for the lack of activity? Or is there something else involved? Bit of both.

There's the post-game shenanigans, with the breeding, Battle Subway, swarms and exploration... keeps me entertained, but maybe because I'm easy to please. And the Super lines in the subway is a goddamn godsend, I tell you hwat. Skipping the junk and unevolved things, and getting slammed by a fat Garchomp dick from the first battle... aahh, that's the stuff~

Secondly, there's the usual performance anxiety, lack of motivation and inspiration that hinders my productivity. I get frustrated a lot, and sometimes I just lose interest completely just looking at the damn thing. I can go from being hyped to the max to feeling completely uninterested in a few minutes, which is followed by a lot of frustration. I have a lot of ideas, but I can't get it out! And the perfectionist in me is never satisfied...

On an unrelated note, Leavanny is waifu tier all year every year.

Got my new computer! I'm tripping balls, man. Things are so... different... even paint is different. This should be interesting from here on out... D:

Uhm... wow... so overwhelmed... D:

My meds are giving me some nasty side-effects. I've been sicker than usual, I always have headaches after I've been out, I haven't slept very good... especially tonight. I don't think I got ANY sleep for six hours, then I just said fuck it. There's a bunch of other stuff too, but that's not worth typing down since... well... it's kinda disgusting. I'm quitting this shit.

Also I've been doodling some more. Looks pretty sweet, actually. I've been pondering about some gift art, but... well, it hasn't gone past the "thinking" stage. But right now I got more stuff to do.

I've been sneezing a lot the past two days. Shit sucks.. :<

... I said I was concerned about my art direction? Seems like I got some kinda distinct thingie going on now. Feels good man.

Also christmas and new years has blown over, so that's cool. Not that I really did anything special besides drinking and fapping, anyways. Not sure what else could be said. Oh yeah, I bricked a wall when I was gonna do that new year's banner for AGNPH, but it turned out nice. I think. They got a new one now, since... well... new year's thing is over. But it must've been my biggest thing ever... I still can't habeeb it. Thanks !

Uhh... probably gonna be more porn and stuff this year. I dunno, really. We'll see.

And I've developed a habit of resting my stylus on my lower lip like a badass does it with a toothpick. Except I look like a loser.

Had one of those last night. Wound up in a conversation with about art direction, and deviating away from the kawaii uguu animu style that has reached complete... global... saturation. Fuck year, Wesker. Anyways, I've been thinking how I can sort of... evolve... my style. If you can call it one. I've been getting quite a few suggestions like getting a tablet, using another program to draw/colour/jerk myself off... but ms paint has a sort of niche, you know? It's so shit tier, that it stands out. In a horrible way, sure, but hasn't many artists throughout human civilisation dared to do things differently? Picasso going from a regular painter to a more abstract style that's appreciated by many, that one guy I can't remember his name of that incorporated a mathematical principle to add depth, causing a sort of revolution. No, I can't really compare myself to traditional canvas painters in any way (I don't suffer from hubris, just bipolar according to the doctors) that got huge after their death because some douchebag wanted to pay millions for a signature for some kinda status to go with an old painting... but having the balls to follow your own path and fuck the haters is something I want to do as well.

If I can live up to that is another question...

Yeah I do serious journals. If I didn't have anything of actual value to share, I wouldn't be typing this shit up.



Then again... who reads journals that aren't full of OMG LYKE GUISE I SAW PENIS OLOLOLOLOLOOLOLLOLOLOLOL TITS LIKE WOW SOOOO AWESOME AND LIKE TOMORROW MY DICK WILL FALL OFF BECAUSE IM A HUGE FAGGIT KBYE

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little...

I don't update often, because I honestly don't have a lot to update with. It's cold here, however. And by cold I mean temperatures below 10 C during the day, and creeping below 0 C in the night. Even snowed twice, but it didn't really last long. Nature is pretty much teasing that balls will be frozen in time... and that's not gonna be co... actually it will be cool, just not the awesome way of cool.

Pumpkin appreciation day is also closing in. Not that I really care much for holidays, but if you do that's cool. Make sure to enjoy it.

Also fiddled with my profile a bit for those that... would care, I guess.

This is a very boring journal, but I didn't sleep good. Adjusting back to being awake in the day is pretty bogus.

Ten years ago I was introduced to a power metal band from Germany. Freedom Call. With its amazing second album Crystal Empire they blew my balls right off, and I still love that CD. Over the years they've released a couple of more CD's, two actually... which is a couple... both unable to hold the standard of Crystal Empire, but good on its own. This year I bricked when I heard they were releasing a new CD - Legend of the Shadowking. I bought it. And you know what? It had everything I love about power metal. Fast, blazing guitars, epic/over-the-top lame lyrics, great atmosphere and drums throbbing like a herd of cocks! It had everything I could ever ask for! So if power metal is your thing, or you're curious, check out Freedom Call.

In other news, my TV died two days ago. It had a good 14 years of service in my room, displaying many epic gaming moments. Oh well... it happens. I'm getting a new one next month, so no worries about that.

Hmm... what else...? No, I think that's it for now.

I spent atleast an hour reading motivationals, stories of awfully nice people, inspirational moments and sayings. When you think things are the bleakest, everything is pointless, and no one really cares, there's always something that makes you bounce back. Lately I've been so upset over people obsessing over others like a cult, getting stuck in old tracks, regurgitating the same things over and over, hypocrisy, neglect, greed, hate and attention seeking fools who strive for a moment in the spotlight. If this is the right thing or not to be upset over, is a matter of opinion, but to me, these things have shaped me into a very bitter, cynical dick that have had problems disguising it. Is it wrong to get upset from time to time when we feel overwhelmed? No, we have a right to feel that way. As for myself, I'm not the kind of person that can put my thoughts into words easily, but I do wear my heart on my sleeve. You can tell right away when you look at me what's up. I'm not being very modest here, but no one expects me to be all the time.

I have talked with a man who have lost many things. His job, his wife, his son, and his health. What he didn't lose was his kind heart. He collapsed one day, unable to work nights anymore, unable to sleep for two hours and then get back to work in the day. His friends abandoned him as he was put away and put on medication so he could feel like a human being again. When he came out, he had to adjust to a new life on his own. He talked to me about so many things he had been through over the course his life, things I wouldn't even dare imagine would be like. But he told me I grew up to be a good man, and that I would never doubt it. I am not stupid. I am not useless. But sometimes we blame ourselves for things beyond our control, and sometimes we have to take a step back so we won't break down from all the stress.

I have been told countless times by my psychiatrist that I put an unhealthy amount of pressure on myself. My expectations for myself are far too high to be reasonable. I just want to improve, I want to show what's in my heart and mind. From the silliest scribble, the sluttiest porn, the weirdest little things and the things no one seems to dare to do, I just want it to be perfect. Still, I always know my best artwork will be the next one. Always the next one. What I do right now is a temporary image of what I can do, the next time will be much better. My motivations for these are to be seen. Anyone who has locked him or herself in for eight years would probably feel the same - a need to show your existence, although you are shy deep down, insecure, scarred by years of abuse and broken promises. I feel safe by myself, I enjoy the comfort of silence and peace, but I'm not afraid to have fun with those I care about. I might not keep in touch often, but I check up to see how they're doing from time to time.

I honestly want to believe in myself, but I doubt a lot. Do you ever doubt yourself? Isn't it a horrible feeling? And think of just how uncertain things are. Something that seemed like it would last forever is lost in a moment. Something so close could become so distant and every little thing can grow so out of proportion it leaves you trembling in the vast shadows it cast. It's okay to be afraid sometimes. It's horrible if your fears become to consume your life... stopping you from enjoying those small things we take for granted. The scent of freshly made coffee, the playful clouds drifting in the sky, and peace and quiet as dawn breaks. Even just a small, silly word or gesture from someone we care about. Imagine... just how much we really take for granted. Take a moment to think about it.

It's 6:12 am now, and I feel like crying. I'm not really sure why, but it feels like it would be a nice thing to do. Just let every little tear mark the end of a time I found difficult and move on as the morning sun rise from the horizon. Someday I hope I can show emotions better, or even dare to speak my mind without doubting how it would come across to others. Those who knows me will understand, those who don't will hopefully try to understand. I have become aware that I have created a wall of text. Everything comes from the heart. If you can read it all, sit down for a while and enjoy the moment... that would be nice. Take a moment away from the social rules and depressing sights, and just be one with yourself. I may not be the most inspirational man, the smartest person, or even remotely coherent, but I'm me. An introvert trying to express himself through words, when he really should express himself through images. It's nice with a change every now and then.

Love yourself and love somebody.

I was part of a generation of Swedes that grew up watching this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdYQ6JjreOY

Suddenly it all makes sense how things could go so bad.

... this is the perfect way to cure it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYnhckZcllU

I'm serious! Click the link and suffer from your sides hurting. X3

... I can see things. This is a very weird thing. But like.... I haven't bought a new screen in 10 years, so it was about goddamn time. :3

You know you want to~ ´w`

Thanks teck for resizing the original. :3

Of all things, of all days, of all times, I happen to sit in the couch downstairs with a cup of coffee in my hand watching the news. Ofcourse, first there's a boring cultural thing on, listing some top-5 shit, mostly art and highly cultural junkaroo, most notably that goddamn wedding they've been circlejerking about the whole goddamn year (I honestly don't give a shit, but when you're forced to see it everyday, everytime, reminding us about OH SHIT ROYAL WEDDING OMG you want this shit to blow over fast). BUT LOOOO AND BEHOLD, I almost sprouted a murderous boner when the top 1 spot was about the new CD from Watain. It was brutal as fuck. 15 minutes later I ordered the CD along with some Satyricon. Feels good man.

Yes I pay for music.

Artsybits later, just wanted to be a blogwhore for a moment because holy smoking dickwaffles, this is the biggest thing since Opeth released Watershed. I regard Scandinavian metal to be top fucking percentage, and there's not a single thing that can change that fact.

Btw it's friday, what are YOU gonna do? I'm gonna get some popcorn.

Yeah, funny story. I was sleeping, as odd as that may sound, and I woke up at 2-3 am by a lot of loud shrieking outside my window. I don't have my window closed at night since I need to keep it open to let some cool air in or else I'd bake alive 24/7, but I keep a mosquito net up to keep pesky insects out. Anyways, many high pitched series of shrieks just outside my window, and it really felt like it was right in my ear. So I flailed my limbs around and put on my best Gau impression going UWWAAAAOOO as I woke up from a rather nice dream. I sat up, heart racing, and stared towards my window. It took me a minute to piece together what just happened, all the while the high pitched shrieks of bats could be heard. Fucking Zubats... :<

Anyways, just wanted to share that little story. Going back to drawing now... long overdue with everything and anything.

Edit~

Motherfucking adventure day! Two flat tires within an hour, one exploded by the hospital. Found out a shoe store and a particular occult shop had closed down for business, and soon a petrol station will close down too. Also very hot and dry weather. The upside is that I got delicious bacon, yummy chocolate and lemon muffins, and got some ticks off the dog. Oh yes, and awesome pancakes were awesome. And yet I haven't got any work on the pics due to all this running around... FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Mods deleted my avatar Mikomi made because it contained outlines of nipples. I call bullshit. However, it's their job to reinforce rules and whatnot, but come on... nipples, through a bra? Really? Oh well, got a rapeface up as a temp.

Other than that, awesome day. Breeding pokémon, drawing a bit, running errands... even got a cool new... slightly used chair for... aprox... $8. No more backpain~! 8D

Uhm... yeah... drawing.

On monday, my dad took a heavy fall and hurt himself while I was getting my DS from the post office, so instead of having awesome 24/7 pokémon nostalgia fanwankery and drawing questionable content, I've been busy doing a lot of stuff here at home. Yeah, a rottweiler suddenly jerking the leash at full power on wet grass can knock anyone down. So he's popping painkillers while I get to do tons of stuff in his stead. It's not THAT bad, but I don't get a whole lot of free time while he's recovering. Every once in a while though, he takes the dog for a walk still, mostly because he doesn't have anything to do and that bores him to death. I've had a pretty banged up knee too, but it's better now.

But I have been playing a bit of pokémon though, but if I had a WiFi connection I would've done a bit more junkery, but I'm a poorfag. Boo-blaharghery, hoo~
Still, I'm getting hooked up with a Misdreavus once I can get a hold of a friend of mine. I've come to realize a few things during my Platinum playthrough so far.
1. Gardevoirs level slow, while Roselia is a fucking rocket.
2. Crobat is a fucking bro, that's why it's called BRObat. I knew getting a Zubat was gonna be worth it.
3. Digging in the Underground is actually fun! I'm all "FUCK YEAH TREASURE!!!" when the rarest I've got is... a fossil and a few element stones of the basic kind. Still, treasure. :3
4. Your rival is a spazz.
5. Cyrus needs to cut back on the cocaine.
6. My current team is a mindfuck. Everything masculine is feminine, and everything feminine is masculine.
7. This shit is awesome~

If I get some time over I'll draw, but I gotta start on the noms... so I'll be slower than usual on the artistic department while my dad is recovering and I have to be the errand boy. I can deal with it as long as I don't have to deal with the myriad of morons living in this town, and ofcourse the rottweiler being stubborn.

:3

... FFFFFFFF

Yeah lately I've been pretty absent here. I blame HCBailly and his LP series mostly, but there has been other things as well. I have some drawings being done, but motivation is a very fickle thing. I wanna get back to drawing but I can't force myself to do it. On another note, PSO is amazing. And I've tried LaTale too, but this old box of mine can barely run it... on a good day. As for PSO, shotgun is god tier for boss battles and mobby areas. Yes I have a RaCaseal... I like metal skirts and synthetic tits. :<

Now I'm getting hungry... so I guess I should make something vaguely food shaped to eat. And try drawing. :3

1. Your Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Film:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of FA?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarkey) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

Fill in the blanks, yo. :<

Lately I've not been drawing porn, and just messed around with random drawings because I can. I feel more comfortable with this actually. I might give the porn a rest and just upload random stuff.

... this is the coolest shit you've ever heard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlS_Rnb5WM4

This is creativity. :3

Speaking of creativity, I've had a slump lately and felt so out of place with everything. Moodswings are pretty severe on my part when it happens, but I'm leveled again and I feel okay. Drawing a bit more after a few days of "SHITBISCUITFUCKBUCKETSONOFACOCK" and whatnot. On the lighter side of things, I've played some Chrono Trigger. Robo is awesome, so is Ayla, and ofcourse Magus. :3

Uhh... prolly should draw a bit more of just chill out a bit tonight. Never hurts. :3

Sometimes you hear and see things that really pisses you off. I feel the need to rant.

Earlier today I checked the news, enjoying a cup of warm coffee as usual. Turns out they were going to demolish a homeless shelter a few towns over because it was "in the way" of some expansion to the inner city. No talk about moving it or building a new one, nope, just wrecking the shit outta it and pretend nothing of value was lost. It's like homeless people are just a statistical number rather than actual human beings that have, for one reason or another, been screwed over and they're treated like shit over it. No one wants to acknowledge their existence. What a piece of flying fuck. What's also a double fuckfence aggressor is that we're more willing to donate to shit happening outside the borders than to actual people within the borders suffering. Ignoring that people suffer in our own country doesn't make them go away. They're people too...

And then we have those eco-terrorists known as Greenpeace whining like a bunch of faggots because the government wants to build new nuclear power plants to help ease the stress and reliability of foreign, imported energy to keep things afloat here. The electrical bills have been retardedly high due to the cold... yeah, what a shocker when you live so far north. We got hydroelectric power plants, we even got those... ineffective freaking spaceage windmills, that just don't produce enough power because it relies on wind... and can't handle -20 C degree cold for some bizarre reason, so they have to be switched off if it gets too cold. But I'm getting away from the topic. Nuclear power plants produce a shitload of energy, energy that can be stored for the winter and ease the fuck high electrical bills, that seem to be about 80% tax as it stands right now. But no, see, everyone still has that Chernobyl shit imprinted in their minds. A faulty Soviet reactor has to be the scapegoat and reason why no more reactors are built. Sure, if shit goes down, it's gonna be hell with all the radioactivity, but a modern reactor shouldn't be as dangerous as a... what? 60's... 70's reactor, Soviet made to top that off? Ofcourse there are risks dealing with the type of energy that can level towns and potentially end humanity, but as far as energy output goes, the risks are negligeble. Yes I would live next to a freaking reactor if it meant the bills would go down. I already live next to a prison and I don't feel a bit worried.

I also think fur-hating faggots should get a solid beating. No, not furries, it's your choice to identify yourself as an animal and whatnot, so getting a bit of lip for going against social standards is your decision and responsibility. What I'm talking about is the activist cunts that break stores and threaten people because they like wearing fur. What is the fucking problem with that? Honestly? We've done that since we found out it's fucking cold and we can't go naked all the time because the climate says "no u faggot". So here they are, the self-righteous assholes, thinking they're doing the world a favour by releasing animals into the woods, thinking they are now "liberated from the evils of mankind." Can you really be so sure of that? What if they all die because they're either unfit or unsure how to survive out there? Congratulations, you've just killed something while you were busy sticking your head so far up your ass and believing in some ideals set by vegan activist fucks, that honestly don't seem to be quite right in the head. Meat is good. Milk is good. Fur looks cool. And here they literally get away with vandalism, threat, breaking and entering, arson... you name it. The only thing they prove is that they are blinded by some idiotic ideal set by a dumb fuck, and that they should be behind bars for disturbing the peace and destroying stores and farms.

I can't feel sorry or guilty for something I've not bonded with or even met. Take your "meat = murder" arguements elsewhere should you have any. I'm tired of that shit.

Oh and I haven't slept good lately. That might be poking at my mood as well.

tl;dr I'm pissed about things and venting.

That aside, I got some drawings in the works that I hope to finish soonish.

Oh yes, I'm playing some old WRPG game with shit graphics. Clever writing though. Currently level... 6 or 7, just doing some quests for Gecko and Modoc, being a moralfag clad in a leather jacket and pointing a 10mm SMG at things. Shortly I'm gonna run back to the Den and make short work of the slavers... and do some epic COCKSHOTS!!! Mildly awesome game, it is~

But that's what I've been doing the past 2-3 days, along with drawing and planning stuff. And after 3 months (or more? D: ) of stalling, improvement and whatnots, I'm gonna draw something... revolutionary. Jaws are gonna be falling through the FLOOR!!! That's how mad this will be! Just wait and see~! :3

*hyped up*

SHAWKLIT MEELK EES BANGIN' YO! GIT SUM! 83

Need something to make my page smaller, and that XBOXHEUG journal about mememememememememememememememe thing didn't help. :3

*slims things down*

But yeah, let's get some things down too that no one is gonna care about, just for the sake of BECAUSE I CAN!! 83

But yeah, the biggest news (no pun intended) is that  mikomistar made this avatar I'm currently using, randomly, as a thanks for being there and not being a greedy-greedy person bugging for pics... I think. So the least I can do is use it. :3

Untill I can think of something more suitable~

But yes, what else is there...? Besides Mastodon is an awesome band... oh yeah, drawing as usual like a Slowpoke. But I do things slowly... make sure everything is perfect... click upload and two days later FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.... oh well, no one noticed. :3

Herp~ :3