Hey everyone, just want to give a quick update while I have the spoons. To get right to the point: I will be refunding the lovely folks who have been waiting on commissions from me. Thank you so much for your patience, but I’m not getting better any time soon and I can’t in good conscience keep you waiting any longer.

I will simply be sending the amount paid back on paypal, as the refund feature only works for like 30 days. I’ll be doing this over the next week or so bc paypal will not let me do the refunds in one sitting (trust me I tried).

To be clear, these refunds mean that I will not be completing the commission. If you want to send the idea to another artist please feel free!

I am so sorry to everyone that I could not complete the commissions as promised, my health has continued to decline over the past several months and I have no idea when/if I will recover…so I figure refunds is the best option at this point.

Thank you all so much for your patience and I’m happy to answer any questions if you have them. <3

Also I want to say that this does not mean I will be leaving FA, I just cannot do commissions in my current state. I do hope to get back to posting art at some point, a lot just has to happen before I can do that.

Oh, and sorry for being so vague/brief, I’ve tried to post this with more detail several times and gotten too overwhelmed. xnx;;

Thank you all again for helping me through a terrible time in my life, y'all are the best. ;;

Hey y'all, kind of a random update but ever since I started going by Koji people have been mishearing it as "Cody" and honestly I've found that I prefer it...so I've decided to go by Kodi instead. I've been debating this change for a while, especially since Koji is Japanese and I'm not (tho my family weirdly has a history of Japanese names), and since it's such a minor change I hope it won't be too confusing. So yeah, if y'all could call me Kodi from now on I'd sure appreciate it! c:

Hey y'all, just wanted to give a quick update since I kinda disappeared the past several days. xwx;; It's pollen hell where I live rn and since it's new area for me (and my immune system's dramatic*) I've been struggling with a HORRIBLE case of hay fever. Without getting into the gross details, until a few days ago I was struggling to breathe, my throat was on fire, and couldn't do anything that required any amount of focus (i.e. drawing). Thankfully the breathing side of things has settled down, but now my skin is throwing its own fit so I'm still pretty miserable. e~e;;

On the bright side I was finally able to see a doctor and get back on most of my psych meds (2 need prior auth but I'LL TAKE IT) so I've been gradually feeling better despite the allergies! ;u; My brain is pretty upsetti with the sudden change (as expected) so I'm pretty out of it, but that's a small price to pay considering how much better I already feel. cx

On the even brighter side I was finally approved for disability!! ;U; It'll still be a while before the local office processes everything (they said a month but I don't believe that lmao), but the relief and validation I've felt since finding out has been INCREDIBLE. I can finally get the help and accommodations I need, and tell everyone who doubted me/told me to get over it to go fuck themselves (as an added bonus). C':<

Also, as a little treat to myself for getting through the disability mess (and for plenty of other reasons**) I got myself a fancy new screen drawing tablet that should be here tomorrow! I've wanted a screen tablet since I was a wee artist so I'm AMPED to finally have one, and I'm really hoping the inspiration will help cut through the rest of the brain fog/allergy mess. QWQ

So yeah, I may be feeling gross but there's a real light at the end of it and hopefully after just a little more recovery I'll be back and drawing more than ever! qwq Thank you everyone as always for being so patient, and I hope I can make up for all this mess soon~

*For those unaware I have an autoimmune disorder (eczema), it sucks.
**I've been using a 10+YO tablet that barely functions, I've got some nerve issues with my hands and need something more ergonomic, and I feel it will help improve my art, which will help me give back to y'all!.

Hey y'all, just wanted to quickly update you on some stuff so you're in the loop. Good stuff first: I'm getting settled in at my new place and my roommates are awesome! ;u; I'm going by my name and pronouns in my home for the first time and have not once been called childish/"co-dependent" for struggling with my disability. In fact I'm often checked on and offered help, which has been overwhelming in a good way. I also absolutely love the climate here, it rains so much and there's plants and critters EVERYWHERE!! ;u;

Sadly I haven't been able to enjoy this as much as I should be tho bc getting established out here has taken longer than expected. :T I manged to cancel my state benefits in NE and apply for new ones out here, but the process was miserable and took forever just to submit...and during that time I've run out of most of my meds and been without therapy, so I'm kind of a mess mentally. I'm keeping it together ok, but my focus/motivation is abysmal so art progress has been painfully slow (I keep redrawing things over and over rip) and the few social skills I had have left me. I'm determined to get shit done, don't get me wrong, my brain is just mashed potatoes without the right meds/dose and it's REAL FRUSTRATING. :C

The good and bad news is that all of this will be resolved when either my medical assistance (MA) is approved, disability gets out of review (I've been assured it will be soon), or my father's death certificate is released...but there is no ETA on any of those. So I could be getting the help I need in as little as a few days, or as long as several weeks, and I have no means of knowing which of those it will be. So yeah, hopefully this won't go on too long and soon I'll actually be thriving, but in the mean time please bear with me if I'm kind of a lump. e~e;;

Also, for anyone concerned, I do have a plan for if things get too bad off my meds. It'll mean hospitalization and a lot of bills (which will be covered retroactively by MA) so I'm trying to avoid it, but if it comes to that I promise I'll get help.

So yeah, I am so sorry for the extended wait on me getting back to a regular posting schedule and all, but I promise I've done all I can and it should be resolved very soon. I can't wait to get back to clearing my queue and hanging with y'all again (I miss streaming so much sobs)! Thank you as always for your patience! ;w; <3

Hey everyone, I just wanted to give you an update on commission progress and such. First of all I'm back from the funeral and visiting my family, and it was honestly a much more wholesome and healing experience than I ever expected. Between being off lithium (I feel so much better dudes holy shit) and having a few truly wonderful family members and friends, I've been surprisingly stable throughout this and am finally starting to feel some of the freedom I mentioned. I'm still grieving the lighter side of my father and the better person I learned he'd recently been trying to be (I never got to meet that person, and that really stings), but I also don't constantly feel watched or suffocated anymore. It's like I've taken off my weighted armor y'all, I feel so much stronger now.

What's frustrating now is that I'm stuck in this easily fatigued body still, so I have all this motivation and inspiration but I still exhaust myself super quickly. That being said, I do have slightly more energy than I did before and I'm intent on using it to get as much art done as I can. I don't know exactly how much I'll be able to do yet so I'm slowly easing back into drawing, but you should start seeing a lot more art/progress on trello in the coming days! ;u;

On more of a downer note, my roommate has become increasingly hostile and I have been forced into moving much sooner than planned...as I no longer feel safe living where I am. orz This means that a lot of the little energy I have is being put into packing and prepping for the move, but I'm still going to set aside time to work on art. If I'm not super online though for a few weeks this is why, but the silver lining is I'll be in a much better situation with some truly amazing roommates, so I should be MUCH happier and more active once I settle in. <3

ALSO, I reconnected with an aunt who wants to help me financially with the rest of move, so I'll be taking down my GoFundMe and won't have to panic so much over getting commissions and such. Thank you all so much for your help getting to this point, you're all amazing!! ;0; <3

Thank you again for your patience with me through all this craziness lately, I promise it won't be much longer before I'm back to a more regular drawing and posting schedule. ;~; You dudes are seriously incredible and and I can't wait to be more active so I can get you your commissions and properly thank you for everything. I love you dudes! ;A; <3

Hey everyone, I just wanted to give a heads up that I will likely be offline for at least the next few days. My abusive father passed away suddenly Wednesday night (unknown heart disease) and uh...it's been a lot to process. I don't know whether to celebrate my freedom or curl up in a ball of grief, and having to fly back to AZ to support my remaining family (who are unaware of the abuse) has not helped how utterly overwhelmed I am.

Even if I had the energy to do so I simply have not had time to work on commissions with everything, and I likely won't until I am back home. I need some time to figure this out and I thank you for your patience. ♡

Had a lot of nervous energy today so I put it to good use and got the majority of my characters ready to sell! They're priced at what I think is fair given the art they come with, starting as low as $5, but I am accepting offers for all of them. c:

All prices are in USD and I will not accept art or trades at this time. If purchased you will receive all of the included artwork, full rights to the character, and their profile (if desired).

If you're interested please comment below or note me with a link to the character you'd like to make an offer on. These are first come first serve, unless someone makes a higher offer before I close the sale.

Click here to see the characters for sale!

Thank you for any interest, I am fighting to avoid homelessness and any sales would be a huge help! ;0; <3

Hey again, I wanted to post a more concrete update about my situation after my last journal. Sorry ahead of time if this is wordy/scatterbrained, I want to be as honest and clear about this as I can, and that makes it hard to be concise. ;~;” I have things in sections so hopefully that helps it make more sense, as well as a TL;DR at the end!

On June 30th my lease ends and my roommate/family member has decided not to renew it, leaving me homeless unless I can figure something out.
They’re doing this because they don't want to be around my worsening condition, and apparently they expected me to be 100% healed from 25 years of trauma after just 1 year*. I did everything I could to reduce the impact my condition had on them, including ignoring many of the ways they hurt me (I know, old abuse habits die hard), but after I finally got them into therapy and they realized I wasn't the main/only problem…they chose to leave.

While I try not to be angry with them, I understand being around someone who's struggling can be hard and they need to put themself first, it doesn't change the fact that they've abandoned me when I needed them most. On top of that their family, including their mom who had insisted I call her mom, turned against me without ever hearing my side. My roommate and their family were the only people I could ask for help getting away from my abusers and now they've left me behind, so I'm on my own to figure this out.

This has all happened during the worst/most disabling instance of my mental/physical health that I have ever experienced.
I've talked about it before but things have gotten even worse since then, so I'm going to summarize. For the past several months I have been gradually losing energy and motivation, and becoming increasingly depressed. I've dealt with depression the last 14 years but it has never been this overpowering, and no amount of therapy, medication, sleep improvement, or lifestyle changes have helped. Blood tests came back normal for all the obvious causes, and while my roommate hasn't been the best I'm arguably in the healthiest living situation I've ever been in…yet things continue to decline.

Originally I would just struggle with art and could still try other methods to make money until I could draw again. It was annoying but manageable, until gradually everything became as energy demanding as art. That’s when my therapist came up with a plan for me to focus on art exclusively and figure out what my limits were. We found I could only work a max of 5 hours a week before becoming an exhausted, brain dead zombie for a few days (like the feeling after finals week). I used to work 40+hrs a week and still have hobbies, so I cannot express how depressing and shameful this has been for me.

That said, I at least knew my limits and tried sticking to it. I was doing great for a while, and even got up to 6 hours a week, when suddenly I started declining again (for no discernable reason). I gradually fell behind on my goal until the present, where yesterday 30 mins of art exhausted me so much that I had to nap for 2 hours and was unable to function the rest of the day. I used to be able to do some fun/hobby stuff to recharge and get back to drawing, but even my favorite childhood video game now leaves me feeling worse, as I’m too numb to enjoy it.

It probably goes without saying that I'm feeling pretty hopeless right now, but thanks to support from yall, my friends, and my pets I'm still determined to keep fighting.
I may feel like a puppeteer willing my own dead body to move, but just knowing I'm not alone makes it much easier to keep going. I'm serious when I say that I've had more support from complete strangers on here than I ever did from my “family”, and I'm determined to, at the very least, give back for that. Y’all are why I’m even looking into options at this point, bc to be completely honest I was feeling rather suicidal initially.

After some research and a wonderful friend reaching out I currently have 3 options:
-somehow find a cosigner and get a studio in Lincoln at $600+/mo,
-live with an amazing friend who can (if it's approved and I can afford the move) offer me a room for dirt cheap,
-or head to a domestic violence shelter.

The last option is the worst, as I would have to rehome all my pets but Gizmo, get rid of everything I couldn't carry, and it would potentially set off a nuclear event within my abusive family; but it's good to have a last resort. It could also result in my abusers forcing me back into living with them, through an involuntary hospitalization or the like. For any of these options I still have to afford rent for the next few months and some basic moving supplies (potentially a whole ass moving truck), so I'm admittedly being crushed by the pressure a little atm(hence me being very offline lately).

That said, I want to assure you that I'm doing everything I can to figure this out by listing what I’m up to:
1. I will still be open for and working on commissions. I’m going at a snail's pace, but I'm doing everything in my power to complete pieces as quickly as I can. If it brings anyone comfort: worst case scenario I can offer refunds when I am financially stable. I want to avoid that bc I genuinely enjoy commissions when I'm not horribly depressed, but I want to be clear that I have no intentions of screwing anyone over.

2. I'm still trying to sell anything I own that has some value. I don’t have much and it’s pretty niche, but I have an OfferUp and will be trying my luck at pawn shops. I’m even trying to sell my beloved saxophone this week, it's like losing a friend but I have no choice.

3.I have some thriving isopod cultures I might be able to split and sell. This won't make me a ton of money and I have to purchase a few supplies, but it's something I can manage even with very little energy. I’m still setting this up but if you’re interested in some pods feel free to message me!

4. I’m still applying for disability and the first review is nearly complete, so there’s a chance I will have benefits soon (application is at 87% last I checked). The chance of this is only about 30% so I'm not banking on it, but if it happens I'd be set for a studio at least (income so no cosigner needed!) and able to mostly afford a move. Most likely I'll be sent to appeals tho and have to fight it for a few months more, but even still I should eventually have this as income no matter what.

5. I am also talking to my psychiatrist this week about discontinuing one of my meds which is preventing me from donating plasma (can make like $400/mo). This may sound risky but the medication is hella dangerous and I’m not getting any of the benefits…so there’s no point in staying on it, esp when it’s keeping me from a form of income. Plus with the med’s laundry list of side effects there’s a chance it could be to blame for my worsening depression/fatigue (fingers crossed right?).

6. Lastly, in desperation I've set up a GoFundMe. No matter how I look at the situation I can’t sell/draw enough to keep up. It kills me to ask for help without giving something in return like this, so if you donate and want a doodle as a thank you please contact me somehow (a screenshot or leave your user in the donation message). Obviously it will take me a while to get these done, but I'd love to thank you properly if I can. ;;

So yeah, that’s where I’m at right now, and if you’ve read this far: thank you. Things are real bad and in the habit of getting worse, but I’m still fighting in every little way I can to make it past this. I know many have cried for attention like this and broken the trust of this community, but I hope my honesty here and many years of commissions and YCH’s prior to this shows that I’m not that kind of person. Heck it took so much willpower just to post this because I’m so anxious over being “less in need” than others. If there’s something I can do/show to prove to you that I’m being genuine I’d be happy to do so.

If you can help out, thank you so much in advance! ;; You are saving me from being homeless or forced back into living with my abusers, and I hope to repay you for that as soon as I possibly can! ;0; <3 If you don’t have the means, thank you for even reading this through, just you hearing me out means the world. ;~; I feel like a goober asking this, but please spread the links around if you can/feel like it. I struggle to post reminders some days, so you’d be really helping me out! ;0; <3

TL;DR: I have ~3 months to find a place and afford a move while still covering bills after my roommate decided to ditch me. My family is abusive so I have no one to turn to and very few options of where to go. I'm open for commissions to cover this, as well as having an OfferUp and GoFundMe, if you are interested. Please help my pets and I find a landing pad and avoid homelessness or worse!

*I lived with my abusive family for the first 25 years of my life. This involved physical and emotional abuse as well as sexual harassment, and had such an impact on me that I don't remember huge chunks of my childhood. It also caused me to be socially stunted as I was not allowed to have many friends and often lied to about what social norms are, so I am currently relearning how to be a human. I left this situation only a little over a year ago, and have not even begun to scratch the surface of the trauma it caused. According to experts I will likely not be healed/"normal" for many years to come, and I may never fully recover...so please understand that my roommate has outlandish expectations here.

Hey everyone, I learned 2 days ago that I won't have a home when my lease is up in a few months and, to be honest, I'm not ok. I don't know how much I'll be around, I'll still keep working on commissions, but if I'm inactive please bear with me. I still have a tiny bit of hope that disability will be approved the first time, but if not my best option is a domestic violence shelter, which means a lot of very difficult decisions for me and so much family strife that I can't handle right now. I'm panicking and need some time to figure this all out, but I will resume responding and posting as soon as I can. I am so sorry any inconvenience.

Hey y'all, just a heads up that I'm not doing so hot right now and may not be super online. I'm pretty sure an adjustment to my meds is to blame, my doc tried to bump one up a little to help my symptoms but for some reason it's making me super duper mega ultra depressed instead (psych meds are truly an enigma). I've already contacted my doc to figure it out, but it'll likely take a few days at least to get back to normal. I'm still trying to send out replies and get some art done, don't worry, it's just a massive struggle atm. :T

Hey everyone, wanted to post an update here while I have some nervous energy. I know I've been posting about commissions a lot, and figured I owed you an explanation. My situation has gotten worse, and now commissions are my only hope of keeping myself and my pets alive and well. I was previously able to get loans from my abuser to get by (shitty situation but it worked), but now they are rescinding that offer unless I go back to AZ and live with them (as I've touched on before, that would be suicide for me). So I no longer have a back up if I can't make the full amount I need and have no choice but to post more.

On top of that, every avenue I've explored to get help has led no where and the last few family members I could maybe ask for help are related to my roommate...who I had a falling out with. IF I can work things out with my roommate their folks MIGHT help me, but that's a lot of maybes and time that I don't have. So I just keep posting and hoping. I try not to post more than once a day, but if urgent things come up (like Gizmo needing SQ fluids) please forgive me for posting an extra time or two. orz

In lighter news, I have an eval next week with disability that should hopefully be the last step in the process. From what I understand they may reject it a few times without even looking at it (old BS policy), but hopefully it should only be another month or two of this nightmare. Then I can stop constantly begging for commissions and focus on clearing my queue...it'll just be a white-knuckle ride for a bit. ;~;

All said, thank you all again so much for your support and patience with me throughout this! ;0; I would not have made it this far without y'all and I promise when things calm down I will do everything I can to repay you for that. <3

Hey y'all, just wanted to update anyone invested and let you know I was able to get Gizmo's meds today! ;w; She already seems more comfortable and has not thrown up again, so I am extremely relieved sobs.

In the end my roomie, who has been fighting with a stolen wallet, was able to get some cash to loan me. So, while I'll still be open for commissions, I won't be re-posting at such an annoying, anxiety driven pace. Thank you all for being patient these past few days, I know I can get pretty unhinged when my pets are at stake, and I sincerely apologize if I upset anyone! ;0;

All said I'll probably be spending the night with Gizmo trying to get under my laptop as I work on commissions. cx

Hey again folks, wanted to update again after kinda disappearing for a bit. My health sorta dropped off right before the holiday season (stress is so much fun), and I've been pretty down trying to celebrate alone, but I'm gradually getting back to some kind of normal. My new doctor and therapist have plans to get me drawing more and functioning better overall, and so far I've been making small but promising progress. Hopefully soon I'll at least be back to how I was a few months ago, if not more active! ;u;

Anyways, thank you for your continued patience and I hope the holidays have been kinder to y'all! <3

Hey I uh...I want to give y'all a heads up that I may suddenly disappear for a bit. It's looking increasingly likely that I'll end up hospitalized (mental health) and I don't want to risk worrying anyone by just vanishing without explanation. ^^;

I'm already getting help and working on recovery so hopefully this is a pointless journal, I'd just rather be upfront than cause a bunch of confusion. orz

(Also I am still working on commissions where I can, it's just been extra hard with all this mess.)

Hey y'all, try as I might I just can't/couldn't stream this weekend. >: I thought I'd be fine with the whole "first main holiday alone" thing but it honestly hit me like a truck and all my symptoms have ramped up. I guess this explains my hatred for the recent holiday, but I genuinely thought I'd have some fun streaming with y'all instead of focusing on that...then I spent the weekend checked out and overwhelmed instead. :/

The good news is I was able to get some work done, and while I would have preferred to stream it I'm glad to know I can still work a little during extra rough times. I'm hoping to get more commissions posted very soon and plan to try again to stream next weekend (fingers crossed). ;u; Also, I've been using this anxious, unfocused energy to do some tidying and such, so I should be feeling less overwhelmed when this is over! ^^

Thank you as always for your patience~ <3

Hey y'all, I just wanted to give a quick update that I'm still working on commissions, I just overdid it last week and had to take it easy the past few days (hence my quietness and little progress on Trello). x~x;; The good news is I'm over halfway to my savings goal this month thanks to y'all, and will be able to finally get back on my meds today! ;u;

Being under less stress and having a more functional brain means I'll be able to get a lot more drawing done, so you should see much more progress this week. I can't guarantee how social I'll be, as sadly meds don't touch that mess, but I'll be working on it where I can.

Also, I won't be celebrating this weekend (roommate is leaving town), so I intend to do some streaming and/or get a bunch of drawing done. ;~; Hopefully I can help distract other folks having a bad time this time of year.

Anyways, thank you as always for your patience and support, I hope I can live up to your trust in me soon! ♥

Hey y'all, it's been a while...just wanted to post a quick update to say I'm still alive (mostly) and slowly working on commissions. I apologize for disappearing without a word, things have been rather rough on my end and my health/mental health has reached a point where I can barely work. I had hoped to update much, MUCH sooner, and have tried to do so numerous times, but my social phobia is so bad that writing this through an anxiety attack.

On the bright side, I found a good therapist who is very flexible financially and was able to get back on the treatment path I should have been on months ago (fuck capitalistic health care amirite). It's going to be a long road to recovery, but I hope that relatively soon I can be back and posting again...bc heck do I miss y'all. I will still be very distant for the foreseeable future, but I swear I'm trying.

Commissioners: Thank you so much for your patience. ;; I cannot give you a completion date on your pieces right now, but know that I am working on them when I can and will get them to you as quickly as I possibly can. I intend to upgrade them (like adding shading and such) and/or get you some bonus sketches to reward your patience, but I do of course understand if you would like a refund at this point. Please just send me a note and, while it may take some time for phobia reasons, I will refund you ASAP.

If you do choose to stick around, thank you so, so much! ;; It really does mean the world that you still trust in me despite everything. <3

*For anyone who may need it: most important stuff if in orange/colored text. c:

Hi again, I am so sorry for the long winded, emotional journal from yesterday...I was real tired and feeling some kind of way. x~x;; To avoid confusion here is the clear-headed version of what I tried to say:

Individual messages are hard for me sometimes due to mental illness, so to avoid leaving commissioners hanging I got my Trello up and running again! ;u; This way anyone can track the progress of commissions, where their piece is on the queue, and if I have slots available; even if I'm too overwhelmed to be active here. c:You are of course still welcome to message me about commissions or the like, I just will likely update Trello much faster than I reply to messages.

As for the update: I figured out that my recent downward spiral was caused by a pharmacy error. They filled my script with what they claimed was my meds, but was actually a combo of my med and another med I was not supposed to be on. This went on for 3 months, with me having no idea, until I happened to switch to a new pharmacy for financial reasons. I nearly lost my life because of this, and it's been a lot to process.

In terms of art, this means that my earlier update about needing a day or so to readjust...will likely be a few weeks. orz The bright side is I am already feeling noticeably better after a week on my correct meds and have a lot of art energy, I'm just drawing painfully slow right now to adjust for tremors and other side effects. In other words, I am drawing and you should see some art from me soon, it just won't be as soon as I was hoping.

I know I'm probably just being hard on myself, after all my turn around time in college was even up to 2-4 weeks, I just want to do the best work I can for you folks. ; ; Y'all have gotten me through some real rough patches, in particular helping me give my rescue bun some final very good months after a life of suffering, and the last thing I want to do is let you down. orz

Thank you, once again, to those of you still here and I hope that very soon I can live up to your generosity. ♥

Hey y'all, I have an...odd update for you. e~e; Before I dive into that mess, I wanted to let my commissioners know I got my Trello up and running again, so you can track the progress of your piece there! I struggle with replying to messages at times due to my mental illness, so hopefully this will help quell any fears between communications. ;u;

Onto the update: yesterday I found out that for the last few months I had been on the wrong medication. When I got my meds in NE for the first time the pharmacy said I received an alternate/generic for my medication, which is supposed to mean another brand/manufacturer...but apparently they gave me a different medication and just...decided not to tell me that.

I looked into it and the med they gave me (AB) is a combination of the medication I was on initially (B) and another drug (A). AB and B are both generics for a brand name medication, but given that one includes an additional compound, they are not the same. It's like saying Theraflu and Tylenol are the same thing bc they both contain Acetaminophen.

Essentially, at the end of last year I was unknowingly started, at full dosage, on a new medication that was both not the concentration of B I needed, and added a whole new thing that I (nor my doctor as far as I know) were properly informed of.

I explain all this so that you can hopefully understand me saying: I'm about 95% sure the reason my last few months have been so hard is bc of this med switch. While yes, times were tough, my normal reaction is to stubbornly crawl my way out, not lay down and die like I tried to (mood/behavior changes and suicidal thoughts are both side effects of AB). Also, I've been back on B several days now and uh...I feel almost like myself again. For the first time since last year. ;;

The good side of all this is, provided I'm right about AB being the cause, I will likely start doing a whole heck of a lot better in the coming days-weeks. This means I will be able to devote much more time to art and streaming, instead of having to, essentially, babysit my broken brain...which would be fucking awesome! ;w;

The bad is that now I get to come to terms with losing 3 months of my life (and almost all of it) to a pharmacy error. : ' D It's a lot and I have no idea if I need to like...contact someone about this, but hey I'm just glad I might not be stuck in depression hell. SOBS

All said, I'm still probably gunna be slow on replies and art for a bit, but I'm doing more every day and you should see some WIPS (at least) here soon! ;u;

TL;DR: Commissioners can now see progress on my Trello (link above and on my profile). Also, a pharmacy gave me the wrong medication claiming it was my usual med and it broke my brain, but at least now I have a fixable reason for the brain bads lately. Working on getting back to the artist I wanted to be when I first returned!

Note: I'm not using the names of the meds bc they are heavily stigmatized. ✌

(Sorry if none of this makes sense, it doesn't make sense to me either and I'm in hell lmao)

Hey again folks, I wanted to quickly apologize for my extended absence. Just when I was starting to feel better I had to go off one of my meds for 4ish days (my doc was out of town at a bad time) and it hit me like a truck. I've been pretty much non-functional since, with even normally simple things like reading more than a sentence or two being overwhelming, and as a result have not been able to work on art much or be active on here. orz

Thankfully I am back on my meds as of some hours ago and slowly feeling like myself again! Unfortunately though it will probably take another day or so for me to be 100% back to "normal" as my body is understandably pretty upsetti with all this (i.e. I'm fighting fine-motor tremors to type this). Boy it sure is just dandy to need replacement chemicals for your hecked up brain.

That said, thank you all for your patience so far, and I hope to only keep you waiting a little longer before I finally get back in the swing of things! ;u; Apologies in advance if any of this doesn't make sense, my brain is still very fried and it's hard to explain medication things. orz I'm happy to answer any questions, so long as they're not too invasive. cx

Before anyone says it: Yep. I sure am a drug addict. Sure do want to be on these medications that I have to fight tooth and nail and pay hundreds of dollars to obtain. I definitely don't have some chronic conditions that mean I lack/have too little of the chemicals the meds replace. Onehundo percent verified drug addict over here.

(In case it's unclear for anyone: the above paragraph is sarcasm.)

Hey again. I just wanted to give a fair warning that I likely won't be very active for a couple days. I had hoped to stream every day this week, but my mental health has continued to rapidly decline. Due an event I'd rather not get into I need to seek emergent treatment, and that will likely take the majority of my energy.

While inactive, I will still be working on art as much as I can and should get the pieces I have turned out in a reasonable amount of time. If any added delays do occur though, I will let you know asap!

I apologize for all this, but hopefully I'll be back and better than before here pretty soon!

Sorry for not streaming today, sat down a few hours ago to start and was met with a mental breakdown, despite my best attempts to prevent it. I don't have anywhere near the energy I need to stream after that, but I will work on commissions as much as I can.

I intend to stream all of next week, so hopefully I can redeem myself tomorrow. I promise this is not usual for me, I'm normally annoyingly strict with work, I'm just having a particularly bad episode of mental illness. orz

Hey again everyone, I wanted to firstly thank you all for the support you've shown since I've been back! It really does mean the world, even if my anxiety makes it hard to express sometimes. ;w; <3

In terms of updates, things have continued to be generally rough, but I'm trying to stay positive. Without getting into it, I didn't catch Covid from my roommate, who recovered fine (yay vaccines!), and I finally got a callback from the repair shop about maybe fixing my car! ; u ;

Now onto streaming, I promise I haven't forgotten! In fact, I've spent the day trying to set up and stream, something I hoped would take all of an hour/2. orz Ended up getting everything ready, only for me to realize I may have to switch broadcasting programs...bc mine keeps trying to crash my PC...without even broadcasting.

Sooooo, I'm gunna be spending a while troubleshooting, and if that doesn't work, I'll be learning a new program. : D All this to say, I'm gunna stream, it just may not be tonight bc it's gunna take a while to draw all these summoning circles and find a suitable sacrifice.

Uhhhh hi there anyone still watching this dusty, dead account! I don't know why you're here, but I appreciate you so, so much. ;;

I figure I at least owe you an explanation for disappearing out of the blue, so that's where I'll start. Until very recently I was trapped in a 26-year long abusive living situation, and for the past few years I have been working some truly awful jobs to earn enough money to get out. My mental state was pretty terrible during this time and as a result I hardly drew/created anything...so I stopped posting. I had hoped to come back before this but my life just gradually got worse, and eventually I wasn't saving money anymore bc I needed so much therapy and treatment to stay out of the hospital. I was honestly at the end of my rope, and it was only through coincidence that I found a way out through my now roommate...who was also looking for a new start.

So the good news is, I made it out! I'm no longer in an abusive nightmare, working jobs that made me want to claw my own eyes out. (...it's honestly still weird to say that) Unfortunately tho the move was just awful and since I got to my new home it seems like everything is trying to put me down. I'd say the worst was the tow dolly snapping in half and destroying my car's undercarriage within eye shot of the new place...though at least that one I don't have to pay for. Adding insult to injury the only key to my cousin's car got off a keychain and vanished in the like 30 steps to our door...and then I majorly fucked up my feet trying to make some money to get it rekeyed. Why does the universe hate me? :'D

So yeah...everything kinda went wrong and I'm out of money, BUT if I can find my footing things can get so much better. I really hoped to come back on a triumphant note and post some finished pieces for y'all...but ya know. I'm trying to do some YCHs, in stream commissions, and the like while I can, so hopefully you'll see a lot more from me soon. Thank you for sticking with me, and I hope this helps explain the weird activity from me. xwx;

TL;DR: I saved money for a few years and escaped my abusive home, but the universe was like fuck this dude in particular. Will draw for $ so I don't die.

Just wanted to give a huge thank you to those of you who came out to the stream last night. I was in a really terrible place mentally and you all managed to get me out of it. You honestly saved me from making some really bad decisions and I can't thank you enough. You dudes are awesome and I really appreciate every one of you who showed up. <3