Oh god... So that's what conventions are like. I don't even really know what to say or how to think or anything. All I can say is that it was pretty amazing, I had a TON of fun, met a few new people, hopefully made some friends (and no enemies (to my knowledge) ) and won second place in munchkin. It was a bit of a rollercoaster, but it was awesome. Can't wait for next year.

I'm... going to a convention. My First convention. RF is the convention that I'm going to. I'm sort of nervous... I don't even know what I will do there... but I guess I'll probably be hanging around with people, meeting new people, trying desperately to avoid being socially awkward (and failing). Regardless, if you are going and want to meet me then send em a note or something I guess?

Skype Chat full of people. It's fun. I enjoy skype chats with people, should do them more often.

I am an enormous tool forever as well as a huge hypocrite.

For all the talk I do about open-mindedness I don't follow what I preach.

I let one person of a specific type make me dislike a much larger group as a whole, let one bad seed spoil the crop, whatever metaphor you want to use. That makes me a colossal idiot.

Growing up I lived with my mom after... incidents with my father caused him to have to leave us while I was still young (which was good). However, that left me in the care of my mother, who started to talk about how terrible men are, about how they are stupid, how they are pigs, and all sorts of other rather derogatory terms. Unknown to her, I happened to be the odd sort of child that actually liked other guys, and her constant rants about how awful men were without excluding me did a number on my self esteem. It was because of this that I started to dislike women. It was slight at first, but it grew with each rant, with each accusation, and with every passing month I lived with her I liked women less and less, reaching levels of dislike and disdain that I didn't even think were possible when I considered what it was I disliked. I allowed one person, my mother, to taint my view on an entire gender, whom I now don't give an open minded chance when I meet them.

This has caused me to make an ass out of myself on more than one occasion, and while It's too late to go back and fix any of it I still feel bad. I'm sorry for judging you all before knowing you, I'm sorry for being on guard around you all the time, and really I'm sorry for being a prick.

I do want to note, however, that it is not the sexual organs of women that make me hate them, those just make me uncomfortable, but because of my discomfort with them I also acted like a major tool today... Regardless, this is pretty much an apology to any woman I have had the distinct pleasure of talking to and ended up offending... I am usually not such a disrespectful prick, even though none of you are going to read this.


Well.. that's certainly a huge wall of text.

So here's the deal:

Right now I don't have a computer that I can call my own. I'm trying to move out of home and if I do move out I might be able to get one, but at the moment it is looking slim. I miss a lot of you guys, some of you are really great friends and it would mean the world to me if you kept in touch. Note me on FA if you'd like to and I'll always try to respond. Or ask me in a note about my cell number, depending on how well I know you I may have already given it to you. Above all else I really just want to stay in touch with people... I don't want to start all over again, or have everyone forget about me.

Hope to hear from you soon.
-Dirk

Stayed at a friend's house for a week, and he rented a few games from my "Always wanted to play, but never had the system for it' List.

I've finally gotten to play Dead Rising and Bioshock Two

I got to play Prototype and Alan Wake as well, and I'll describe my thoughts on all of them.


Dead Rising: Oh boy... what a Capcom game this is. It's a launch title, and that shows in the graphics, but it was VERY well done, in my opinion. I ended up getting more achievements than my friend got when he played it, which pleased me greatly. I ended up getting from level 1 to level 50. I also went to the maintenance tunnels and got the zombie genocider achievement and the 'kill 1000 zombies with your bare hands' achievement. I then proceeded to run around in wrestling briefs with a megabuster on my arm and turn psychopaths into jokes. Poor Cliff.

Bioshock 2: I had a lot of fun with this. Played it from start to end in almost one sitting. Very atmospheric, got the 'save everyone' ending. The way little sisters see things is really weird, and I spend a lot of time soaking in the scenery. My friend was like "Go get that" and I was like "Shut up1 I'm exploring!" ... I just wish it would let you go back to old areas.

Prototype: Uh.... I was having too much fun screwing around to care about the plot, really. But the screwing around was REALLY fun... wish I'd done more plot so I would have had more to screw around with.

Alan Wake: I liked the atmosphere, I liked the manuscripts, I liked how it looked and felt... I just... couldn't get in to playing it... like...at all. Don't know why.

I had never seen the show before today, when I sat down and decided to watch something, and it was the only thing that was on.

All I can say is that it is quite compelling... Don't know why I didn't watch sooner... Of course, picking it up in the middle is probably a TERRIBLE idea...but what can you do?

For getting me addicted to things, Regardless of what I get addicted to, it is usually their fault.

If any of the few of you that read my journal are currently playing through SMT strange Journey right now for some reason, and have yet to get very far... then...uh... don't read forward, I guess...













I've been playing this game for a while, and I love it, but.... at the moment I'm facing a decision that I am finding a lot more difficult than the average gamer might.

To explain why the choice is difficult, I have to break it down into sections.

A: The problem. The boss of the area is behind a barrier that I can not get through, as there are demons protecting it. These demons were recently tortured and experimented upon by a group of assholes run by a man named Jack, whom a team member of my faction (named Jimenez) Killed.... but not before Jimenez was forced to fuse with his own demon, becoming a half human half demon hybrid... and also becoming the 'chaotic' character that the player is meant to relate to.
On the flipside, another member of the main character's faction, Zelenin, has recently been transformed into an 'angel' (Basically a lawfully aligned demon), and given the power to sing hymms which can hurt demons. She is aligned with the angels now, and wants us to use her song to take care of the demons, while Jimenez wants us to kill the humans that screwed the demons (and him) over.

B: The chaotic (and therefore usually the 'BAD' choice) :
The demons want me to kill Jack's squad to get revenge, so that they can feel that their version of justice was passed, after which they will let the wall down so I can fight the boss. Normally the chaotic choice is the bad choice, but I feel like this is more justified than not. These demons went through weeks of torture and experiments, and were used and abused for the profit of another group of humans, which really isn't forgivable, even though they are demons... However.... At the same time, siding with demons never works out well, and doing something for them now might lead down a dark, terrible path of things I do not want to do. Also, killing humans...even jerky humans, is bad.

C: The Lawful (and therefor usually the 'GOOD' choice): Zelenin, after becoming an angel thanks to Mastema, wants us to wipe out the demons or drive them off using her hymm power, which apparently hurts demons a lot. Normally I would go for this option, but it is becoming more and ore clear that the agenda of the angels is not as pure as it appeared initially. They're showing the really, really BAD side of the lawful alignment... trying to be in complete control of the humans, trying to wipe out every bad thought, idea, or action the humans do, and the game is being a lot more blatant with this now.... I'm growing more wary of the angels than I would be in another series, because despite them being the 'lawful' group, they're still definitely evil.


D: The 'Neutral' Choice: As far as I can tell, there isn't one. If there was, that would be the choice I picked.... in this circumstance I feel like both of my options are wrong, and I want a third way, a way out to avoid having to pick a side...





Advice?

It isn't even really justifiable, but... whatever. :3

Have a nice day.

Snatched from a Mr.  rogerandom

WHICH IS RIGHT HERE.
Fill it out and post it in the comments. hell yeah.

1. Your Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Film:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of FA?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarkey) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

I'm starting to realize just how often I spent time inside before... and now. I'm also realizing the reason I don't have many people to hang out with around here, my niche group is... nowhere to be found, really.

Besides that I've learned to appreciate the Wii. I've learned to not multitask so much on my own computer as well. I don't know how long I will be without the use of an actual computer, but I hope it isn't for TOO long.

Oh man, it looks so good. I kind of wish I had a PS3... or a computer that was really good. Oh well, it's not THAT big of a deal, I still have to finish Persona 4...

Have a nice February everyone.

For therein lies the beginning of a new star.

My ability to have a computer is sporadic at best right now, it bites. I have my cell on occasion though... if you know me or my number, or both, then feel free to do the thing where you call or text or otherwise harass me. If I have my phone I'll answer.

Would love to hear from someone.

Cheers.

The inital and overall most compelling draw of the fandom for me has always been that sense of community and support that one feels when around like minded individuals. However, I find myself feeling less and less of that spirit as I go on... am I distancing myself from the fandom, or has something about it changed? Are things the same as they used to be when I first started a few years ago? It seems like things have been shifting, or I've been falling out of touch... either way... I want things to go back to how they were, I just need to find out what happened to change them. ... Or what happened to change me.

My health has been fluctuating again, which is really irritating. The problems I'm having are not consistent, and seem disconnected from each other. I'm not a hypochondriac, so that's not the problem, so I am starting to wonder why I spend more time worse than better.

Apart from that things are going well. I've been spending a larger amount of time at my sister's apartment, and they've been getting me back into tabletop games. Most of the sessions run there are a variant on the WoD system, that I am finding quite easy to get a hang of... I might get good at this sort of thing yet!

Anyway, I don't THINK anybody reads this, but I just want to extend my good wishes out to all of you, have a good Winter, and I hope that things go well for you all.

Think of all the fun I've missed,
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed,
Next year I could be just as good,
If you'll check off my Christmas list.



Merry Christmas everyone.

Seeking inspiration to write something new to bump my current submission out of featured. I don't really want to seem like that is all I'm about, so I need to think of something to write.

Jacked from  n3k0zawa


[x] You know how to make a pot of coffee.
[ ] You keep track of dates using a calendar.
[ ] You own a credit card(debit actually, but it's still a card).
[ ] You know how to change the oil in a car.
[x] You've done your own laundry.
[x] You can vote in an election.
[x] You can cook for yourself.
[ ] You think politics are interesting.
TOTAL SO FAR: 4

[x] You show up for school late a lot.
[x] You always carry a pen/pencil in your bag/purse/pocket.
[ ] You've never gotten a detention.
[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday.
[x] You like to take walks by yourself.
[x] You know what credibility means, without looking it up.
[x] You drink caffeine at least once a week.
TOTAL SO FAR: 9

[x] You know how to do the dishes.
[x] You can count to 10 in another language.
[x] When you say you're going to do something you usually do it.
[x] You can mow the lawn.
[ ] You study even when you don't have to.
[x] You have hand washed a car before.
TOTAL SO FAR: 14

[x] You can spell experience, without looking it up.
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name.
[ ] Your favorite kind of food is take out.
[x] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need.
[x] You understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[x] You can type pretty quick.
TOTAL SO FAR: 17

[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment.
[ ] You have been to a Tupperware party.
[x] You have realized that practically no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[ ] You have more bills than you can pay.
[x] You have been to the beach.
[x] You use the internet every day.
[ ] You have been outside of the United States 3 or more times.
[x] You make your bed in the morning.
TOTAL: 21

If you want to do this meme, complete it first and then post it with the subject as: I'm (real age here) but I act (score here)

[x] public speaking
[ ] staying single forever
[X] Rejection
[ ] being a parent
[X] giving birth (umm....not possible I'm a guy)
[x] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[X] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] fish
[X] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants
[x] that Scary guy... D:
[ ] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[X] failure
[ ] success
[x] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[x] crossing hanging bridges
[x] death
[ ] heaven
[ ] being robbed
[ ] clowns
[x] dolls (depends on the doll)
[ ] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibilities
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[x] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[X] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[X] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[x] being alone
[X] becoming blind (I rely on my eyes everyday)
[x] becoming deaf
[x] growing up
[x] creepy noises in the night
[x] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[x] needles(This. This is my biggest fear, definitely.)
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] the welcome mat
[ ] high speed
[ ] throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] super secret

Final Total: 23 (What else can I say?)
If you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it I'm afraid of __ out of 75 common fears.

If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.