How come seeing that flash animation of SCP-173 twerking to obnoxiously loud bass music makes me laugh every time?

It's more likely than you think...

https://youtu.be/MLPkKZS6q9k

I guess things were just getting too nice for too long <.<

I'm going to take the first picture from my list of today's submission messages and write some kind of short story or scene about it. It will probably suck, but I'm thinking at least it will get me writing.

Obviously I'm not going to count stream announcements or contests because those aren't exactly pictures and I'll probably change the names of any characters because furries have some weird complex where they think they understand copyright and trademark law.

On we go! Today's first picture submission iiiiiiis:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/11013748/

..... God... damn it, Sar....

Thank you, you green fucker, you beat out this: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/11014507/
which would have probably been a lot easier and sexier to write about.

bbbbuhhhhhh.... FINE.

Edit:
It's already hard enough to get me to write about something I'm interested in. This stupid setup isn't helping...

Another Edit:
Fuck, I give up... I suck at writing. Zero god damn drive to write even the simplest thing.

Some good ol' Helloween
Title: Mr. Torture

https://youtu.be/yeKXm1u-sa8

Edit: God, how do you do youtube links again?

1693

FFFFFFFyurk... Guess it's time to do some Summer cleaning...

And that's just here on FA...

I picked up Witcher 1 and 2 on a steam sale a few days ago and.... uh...

Is it super vital to play through the first one to know what's going on in the second? Because that game really shows its age...

Think I can read through the wiki about the plot and move on to the second game or does the first one get more.... interesting later on?

You know that feeling when you calculated the rent you'd need for over the summer back in May and then you redid the calculations just now and realize you'll have about $500 by the end of August when your job picks back up again and Steam is having a sale on video games?

It's a nice feeling...

I can sum up what’s going on in the console world in one easy scenario: selling dildoes
Nintendo came out with theirs first and it's... nothing special. It's basically one of those old shiny chrome ones from the old 80's pornos. It's shiny and it’s cheap and coincidentally it plays Zelda and Mario and Metroid for some reason. It looks like there's a lot of potential since the cover actually comes off, they just need to get more interesting covers (games) for their dildo. Looks like it will be boring in the long run if Nintendo doesn't spice things up (and let's be honest, Nintendo knows how to sell simple things).
Next up is Microsoft. They're getting a lot of bad press for... arguably good reason since their dildo is basically a horse cock dildo made out of steel with giant spikes on it. Because of this, it is also the most expensive.... but you can hook your cable box up to it and it will (for some reason) play Killer Instinct. Problem is, Microsoft isn't.... very good at listening to their customers. They imagine there's this untapped demographic of people who want giant spiky steel horse cock dildos stuffed up their ass that they can watch TV through which will be unpleasant for the short and long run. And every time they're asked about it, they fumble their answers:
"Uh.... why the spikes?"
"Oh, they're not spikes.... they're fishhoooks. So... it's a feature..."
Also the giant spiky horse cock dildo with fishhooks comes with an attached webcam.... that has to be turned on so you can tell the horse cock dildo when you want to watch your soap operas or when to send videos of you using the giant spiky horse cock dildo with fish hooks on youtube.
But Microsoft won't use it to spy on you....
But it will require you to connect online once a day....
But they totally could spy on you if they wanted to and if the government wanted to, hooo boy, they've even said "sorry, we've got to let the government spy on you through your giant spiky steel horse cock dildo with fish hooks...."
Then there's Sony....
And everyone is laaaaughing laughing laughing laughing. The fans are laughing, the executives are laughing, everybody's laughing..... not for the same reasons....
Sony "revealed" their dildo a while ago.... or at least the different covers you could use on it.... and the remote control for the vibration.... people wondered "um.... what does it look like?" and Sony coughed softly, shuffled their feet, and told them Final Fantasy 15 and Kingdom Hearts will be played through it and people started jacking off furiously.
Now, everyone’s laughing, remember? The executives are laughing... because they dodged a huge bullet. If you looked at what their dildo was three months ago, it probably looked pretty close to a giant spiky steel horse cock dildo with goddamn FISH HOOKS. But they held off and said "wait.... let’s see what Microsoft’s doing first…"
When they saw how fans understandably would not want that giant hunk of metal in their asses, they looked back at their giant spiky steel horse cock dildo with fish hooks and said:
"erm..... why don't..... why don't we get rid of the fish hooks.... and make it out of a somewhat comfortable gel...... and... uhh.... let's scale it down by like.... a 1/16"
Now they're pretending to laugh along with their fans. "Ho ho ho, who would want that giant uncomfortable horse cock? It's so invasive and you won't be able to share covers with your friends! Our giant horse cock will allow you to do this! Ho ho, aren't we philanthropic? Give us four hundred dollars!"
The fans are laughing at anyone who would want to buy a giant steel horsecock to fuck themselves with while they're already making plans for their slightly-less giant horse cock to fuck themselves with while ALSO at the same time lauding Sony as the saviors of the console ass-fucking industry. Also also, you can upload videos of you using your giant spiky horse cock dildo to youtube or facebook and you can let your friends directly take control of the dildo if you so desire. Not AS unpleasant as its slightly bigger, metallic, and fish hook-covered cousin, but you’re still going to be taking a horse’s cock up your ass.
Then at the very far end is a kiosk set up much like it has before..... the PC kiosk. It doesn't have any flashy signs or stuff because it knows it's always there and always will be there. The thing about PC's dildo is that it's a strange bait and switch. To buy the dildo you have to use a regular, squishy horse cock dildo once.... just once. Then you get a dildo that is god damn molded to perfection for you. It plays all the games that weren't specifically made to force you into buying a giant spiky steel horse cock dildo with fish hooks or a slightly less giant horse cock dildo and when you need to upgrade it you only have to go to a store, take a slightly larger dildo up the ass once.... and continue enjoying your dildo.
People will try to defend their giant horse cock dildoes by saying that some of the covers (the very same ones they can use for THEIR dildoes) are difficult to steal-… I mean “pirate”, spouting words like “DRM” and “Steam only sells you the right to use a cover, not the cover itself” which can be a problem if the place distributing these covers decides it’s not much use.
That last part doesn't really... pan out, but I feel I’ve gotten my point across:
Buy the dildo you want shoved up your ass for the next 8 years and don’t act like you’re getting fucked any less than the other guys.

So anybody know how to get Dark Souls: Prepare to Die edition to run on Steam? Or is the lack of being able to load the game part of the challenge I've heard of?

Loaded up just fine the first time (well, as fine as a bad PC port can be), now it starts up the game, shows a black screen (but oddly enough loads the games for windows live alerts) then freezes when I press any keys.

Edit: Fuck this. An hour of trying to get this piece of shit to run isn't worth any game.

Here's how it works:

I take one of my stories I've already written, do a couple of ctrl-f's and replace one of the characters in the story with yours! Or, I can just say you now "own" one of the characters in my stories!

Also, you can post the story on your FA page!

And why not, sure you can claim ownership of the story, too!

And I'll print out the story on REALLY nice paper and mail it to you!



.... Somehow I don't think is going to work as well...

-Said by nobody who's ever had slow-cooked ribs that have been simmering in barbeque sauce for 10 hours

Edit: I should have titled this journal "Wow, I sure have lots of energy to do stuff today!"

May you all get candy!

Or drunk! Oooh, maybe both!

Some days I think to myself that I'll get around to tagging and organizing all my porn.

Then I look at how much porn I have.

And then I remember I have to wade through 500+ submissions from being lazy last month.

Then sometimes I wonder if I really need this much porn...

For some reason, for the last four weeks I haven't been saving the pictures I like on FA.... I've just been letting them accrue... I really need to go through them, they're approaching 500...

Tonight at the end of my shift someone from the morning crew stuck their fingers in the fryer.

I asked if my crew had remembered to turn the fryer back on and I watched as the confused employee casually stuck his fingers in the fryer oil.

It was, in fact, not on yet.

I am going to bed now. Jut thought I'd share this.

I kind of stole this from somebody since I never really get around to fleshing out Triller's character (every time I try to think of doing a backstory, I inevitably feel those creeping feelings of Mary Sue...) But this should provide a bit of insight on everyone's fav-.... er, least-known wolf...

(Note this is more "Adventure" Triller, the period before he became boring and settled down with a sexy dragon god)

Name: Wu Fei Triller
Age: 1922 (Appears early 20's)
Nationality: Roman/Chinese
Socioeconomic Level as a child: Farmer
Socioeconomic Level as an adult: Vagabond
Hometown: Coastal village in the east of the China, Han Dynasty
Current Residence: Unknown
Occupation: Mercenary
Parents Job: Merchants.
Talents/Skills: Immortal. Regeneration. Some assassination training (Infiltration, swordsmanship, martial arts, poisons) severely degraded with time. Able to create a single duplicate of himself, but prolonged separation leads to psychosis in one duplicate.

Birth order: Second born
Parents (describe relationship): Father was a merchant who traded on the Silk Road all the way across to Rome. After a few visits he became infatuated with a Roman Merchant's daughter and the two stole away back to China where they established a small business in a coastal village and raised two boys with love and integrity.
Relationship skills: Polite when need be, a bit of a clown. Has trouble keeping long-term professional relationships. Can be arrogant about his immortality and tends to rely heavily on it to get himself out of violent situations (that he most likely caused). Fiercely loyal to his friends and most often generous to a fault.
Classic Alignment: Chaotic Good

Physical Characteristics:

Height: 6'1"
Weight: 175 lbs
Species: Gray Wolf
Penis Size: 8 inches (despite what Saruuk seems to think)
Eye Color: Light Yellow
Hair Color: Brown
Glasses or contact lenses? Neither
Fur color: Tan with white accents.
Distinguishing features: Everlasting youth. Pattern on stomach and chest altered to resemble sharp electric bolts. One such strike of lightning over the right eye.
Mannerisms: Cynical and outspoken. Constantly cracks jokes (especially if in trouble).
Habits: Doesn't like mirrors. Avoids talking about his past.
Hobbies: Painting. Musical instruments. Calligraphy. (All of which he is terrible at)
Favorite Sayings: n/a
Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): Improvisational.
Greatest flaw: Inability to focus himself.
Best quality: Loyalty.

Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes

Educational Background: GED Equivalence. Assassin training and experience. Low-level spellcasting.
Intelligence Level: Average
Any Mental Illnesses? Mild Schizophrenia (Regeneration seems to be keeping this in check. Last major episode was over a hundred years ago.)
Character's short-term goals in life: Try not to fuck up.
Character's long-term goals in life: Try really, really hard not to fuck up. Maybe figure out what to do with eternity... Oh, and not get encased in anything (cement, water, gold, etc...)
How does Character see himself/herself? A (super)hero
How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? Charming, loveable.
How self-confident is the character? Oddly enough for someone who can reform after complete disintegration he lacks quite a bit of self-confidence in his abilities beyond taking plenty of violent punishment.
Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Mostly emotion. Constantly trying to be the big hero.
What would most embarrass this character? Being called out on his complete lack of knowing what he's doing.

Emotional Characteristics

Strengths/Weaknesses: Strengths: Immortality. Connections with organizations and friends world-wide. Weaknesses: Planning. Sloppy form. Overreliance on immortality in place of actually honing skills.
Introvert or Extrovert? Extrovert
How does the character deal with anger? Meditation. (in extreme cases physical violence.... mostly on inanimate objects)
With sadness? Severe depression.
With conflict? Plays the devil's advocate a lot. Attrition: tries to wear down opponent physically, mentally, or emotionally.
With change? Adapts well to new situations.
With loss? Depression and severity. As he sees it, the people he befriends are the only things he truly has in this world.
What does the character want out of life? To make the best of an infinite lifespan both for himself and others.
What would the character like to change in his/her life? A large, large portion of his past. Maybe even his immortality if he's having a particularly shitty day.
What motivates this character? His morality.
What frightens this character? Being alone. That long stretch at the end of existence.
What makes this character happy? Making people (especially friends) happy.
Is the character judgmental of others? If their morals conflict with his, he is very outspoken. Otherwise he tries to reserve judgement.
Is the character generous or stingy? Uncannily generous.
Is the character generally polite or rude? Depends on the company: good friends and new acquaintances he is polite, old enemies and adversaries he is rude and joking.

If anybody has any questions, leave me some in the comments. See any weird, historical inaccuracies? Let me know <.< Want to write a story involving Triller? Go crazy! Lemme read it :D

I realized that last journal really smooshes everything on my page <_< So here's one to clean things up!

"....."

"Man, this loading screen is taking forever..."

"Oh, here we go... *EXPLOSION* FUCK! Oh, god, I better shoot those guys!"

dakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadakkadak-chink

"uhhhh.... *pistol*"

paf...paf...paf...paf...paf...paf...paf...-chink

"I-I don't have any more ammo left...."

(cut to later, learning that you can't just shoot any Johnny Lawless on the street, you're paired into little groups)

"Man, I haven't seen the bad guys around in a while..."

*vvvvvrrrrrrrrm*

"Wonder where-*CAR-SMACK*"

The driving:

"OH GOD I SHOULDN'T BE LAGGING LIKE THIS I CAN'T DRIVE -thump- OH JESUS, SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO RUN YOU OVER"

Winning one game after two horrendous and downright confusing losses:
Me: "That was awesome :D"
Partner: "Yeah :D Sorry about shooting you..."
Me: "It happens"

I am playing more of this tomorrow.

Edit: Um... after I read the wiki...

Did you know in the United Kingdom they pronounce "Lieutenant" like "Leftenant"?

I wonder where that 'f' comes from...

Yeah it's already up on pawsru.org...

for free...

Edit: I feel like if you make a purchase like this, you have to give the internet a reason for doing so.

https://youtu.be/1GZBn90ULbo

That's it, really. Also I might do a thing in the future where I put up a little votey thingy and write a quick story for those of you who stuck around with me for this long :3

Seen at  duo's journal.

http://www.furbuy.com/auctions/1033074.html

I like how in this fandom we have artists, top name ones that produce stuff for Club Stripes, that have no problem using other peoples' intellectual property without their permission to make (and sell [I realize this is somebody re-selling their copy]) porn...

But when you even talk about using in-fandom characters like Sabrina or Lizard-Beth, you better be ready for a shitstorm of "I DON'T WANT MY CHARACTER USED IN ADULT SITUATIONS D:"

Am I saying either one is wrong? Not especially... Just something I've found funny about this place all these years.

Also, I believe I'm skipping over the most prudent issue this brings up: $1000 for MLP porn? I understand disposable income and the ability for someone to spend however much money they want on whatever they want....

But if I'm paying $1000 for porn (and this is a big IF), I had better expect an epic saga that caters to every one of my deepest, darkest sexual interests and has my exact input on every page.

What about you? What would you expect from a $1000 porn mag aside from it being rare/one-of-a-kind/able to sell for shitloads of money later?