We've wanted to get out of this country for a long while and this election finally broke my husband.

It broke a lot of us to be honest, I fear for my friends and family.
My bloodline and lineage date back to when Texas was Mexico, I was never 'originally' from somewhere else, we were always here and now not only do we need to fear from threats across the border but from our own country as well.

I don't like to get political, just know that I am devastated and scared.

(hugs)

-- Tsu

I sound like a dying goose. ;A;

-- Tsu

Re-read some old Kowalski/Julien fics and drabbles I had saved over the years, along with some art and WOO.

I was all smiles.

There isn't really much of a community around anymore where you can share fic or art and I miss those days. I used to love drawing and even writing things for my friends, reading new material, sharing ideas and creating our own in universe canon.

Le sigh.

For future reference if you ever want to cheer me up in an instant, fluffy OTP art or fic will have me floating. I mean, just reading the older stuff had me in a great mood, best mood I've had in months actually.

Stupid amazing romantic fictional animals making me so happy.

-- Tsu

being suicidal is never going to go away is it?

I have this backlog of sketches/scans I'm going to post to my Patreon. :>

I promise I'm making art!
I'm just really poor and enjoy being able to afford food and medical treatment. ;A;

-- Tsu

This new behavioral clinic I go to started me on some new medications for my anxiety and depression and- they are not fun.

I'm constantly nauseous, paranoid, scared, even more anxious.
I really didn't want to take them but both my husband and mom want me to stick with them at least until the end of the month, if I still don't want to then than I can tell my doctor and we can stop the medication.

Danny was on my side about not wanting to take them but mom guilt is a powerful thing.
I take about four pills a day now, not fun at all.

I have something I want to discuss with everyone who enjoys my work but I'm working on like, a cute drawing or logo for it, so please stayed tuned and patient for that, I would very much be of the appreciating it. ;>

(blows kisses)

-- Tsu

I recently went to a behavioral clinic, for help with my -- all my mental things, and they are going to be adding more medication to what I already take.

And I'm scared.

There is so much I want to say and get out but I'm not in a good place right now and everything is suffering, my work, myself, I'm scared and I don't know what to do.

I'm convinced 100% I'm going to die sometime soon I don't feel safe and that scares me even more because I don't want to get taken away and I'm doing everything in my power to fight this but what do I even do??

Hi everyone, sorry for just- bunking off.

I had a lot to handle and am still dealing with.
My sugar levels are keeping at a nice low manageable level and I've been doing my best to be active when I can.

I had received an abnormal result from my current pap and was told that tests for HPV and cancer where going to be taken, I spent the entire time in between waiting for my results in constant panic and anxiety, already piled onto the fear of my high sugar and cholesterol levels.

Fortunately both results came back negative and I was told not to worry about the abnormality at all, so that was a relief. I'm still taking birth control to help me with my period problems but it really isn't worth the trouble. Stuff makes me constantly nauseous, exhausted, and has really diminished my drive to do anything. I haven't really drawn at all since I started taking it, whether it's because all my excess energy is going into re-wiring my insides or the medication is just terrible for motivation and movement, I hate that I haven't been able to lift a pencil without wanting to hurl.

Today is a rare good day so far, I wanted to let everyone know how I'm doing. I never like to make anyone worry and looking at my last journal I barely remember typing it at all.

Good news is after a few more days I should know for sure if all this is worth it.

Please look forward to artwork soon, I promised all my clients I would finish their commissions before the end of this month and I intend to keep that promise! It's killing me that I have so much I want to do for everyone and share but my body is in full protest. Here's to hoping everything gets better.

-- Tsu <3<3<3

My health is declining more and more lately.

I also received bad news about my recent papsmear.
I'm exteremly suicidal right now.

I'm sorry.

I'm considering that I might need to stop drawing all together.
I don't feel mentally stable and I'm suffering so much right now.

I really hope I don't disappear from anywhere, assmue the worst, oka.

The only food we have in the house right now was the stuff to make cake, so I thought, why not make cupcakes?

I ate too many and I feel like garbage now.
I would kill for a salad or three.

I miss counted how many commissions I have left, it's actually 13, my lucky number.

Really hoping to get them all done soon, I really need a break before I burn out too badly.

I need to work! ;A;

Tomorrow is going to be busy too, I'm going to have a speculum pushed inside me, lol.
Aaaah, wish me luck with everyone, also wish me a salad, I'm really going to need that.

-- Tsu

Eleven more to go.

I don't even know how to feel right now.
Break for wrist stretches and snacks.

-- Tsu

Need to be up at five, make breakfast, get my husband ready for work.

Working on commissions, gotta finish soon, need to finish them all soon, need to catch up.

It's raining and the roof leaks right into the den where are my stuff is, need to fix.

Still not any better, getting worse. Psychologist coming over Tuesday, evaluate me, fun.

I told John the other day that I never know if I really am feeling happy or optimistic or if I'm just forcing it through the depression, anxiety, and panic. If it's even real because I don't know any other way to live. Did you know when I was first diagnosed with all this as a little kid I told myself it would go away with time? I've had all this my whole life and the one thing that made this life worth living was taken from me forever.

I miss Breakdown.
I feel like I can't keep doing this.

I don't know how to fill the void or heal it.
I need to get back to work.

-- Tsu

Update: Sigh, it's going to be 45.00 for the papsmear, I can't afford that. I just want to know if I can have kids or not, don't take the one thing away from me I could actually do. You know how proud everyone would be?

Sigh, we got even worse news today, can't share it but- it's all getting worse.

-- Tsu

I almost burned the house down on Monday, didn't have any food Tuesday, power went out yesterday, and today?

Nothing yet but I know better.

I want to be excited that a five below opened up down here but then I'm like, Tsu, you have literally no money. You have a papsmear tomorrow, any money you will get needs to pay for that despite the fact you haven't had sex in over three years yes I know you want to be selfish and buy your self cheap nail polish, make up, and cute things because they make you happy but you are poor as dirt so just hurt yourself or something because you literally cannot handle an overflow of any emotion negative or positive and remember your place.

ahahahsdfgbkl/f

I had an emotional breakdown at the wal mart yesterday collapsaing in my husbands arms while I cried and cursed to the heavens over how we deserve better lives and that nothing matters anymore because my baby is dead.

It has not been a good weeklife.

Because it's almost five in the morning and for some dumb reason I can't even start to explain or understand I'm working on a piece and I'm adding crazy details in just the base coloring!

Base coloring!

I'm not even sure if I like it but I'm too committed to back out now!

Someone always need to be watching me or I end up working on Julien pieces no one is even going to see for like a month! OR EVEN LIKE

-- Tsu

Is been stressful, many things, eye hurt, other stuff I don't want to talk about-.

So, lets talk smut.

I'm on a huge Uncle/Julien high right now, might even write something!
I am super in need of those two doing all manner of stuff.

Wot'cha got fer me? ;9c

-- Tsu

Hey everyone, I'm sort of kinda messed up right now, but in a way that can actually be healed with medication.

I got pink eye. Like, for the first time in my life!

And it's not even a mild form, I can't keep my eye open without pain, there is a crazy amount of discharge and that gunk gets up in there and makes it feel like sharp strands of hair are wiggling all over my eye. It's watering a ton and itches like hell.

There are medicated drops for this but I have not a single money to my name, so right now I'm using generic eye drops and actually wearing an eye patch to keep me from touching it and spreading it to my other eye and because it's gross I don't want people seeing that.

But this means I can't draw, at all, I've tried and one eye is not enough! It's even such an ordeal to type all this out.

So, uhm, if anyone would be willing to donate a little but of dollars, so I can get this whole thing taken care of and get back to work, that would be super great and helpful. I mean, you don't have to, obviously, but it would be nice. Email address in the bottom header is also my paypal address.

Thanks for reading this, Tsu appreciates! <3

-- Tsu

He would have been three years old.

He deserves to be remembered.

-- Tsu

Because I'm spotting.

I asked if I should be worried that I've been spotting on and off for two weeks now after not having a period for over two years but I got no answer other than I was already scheduled to see the OBGYN later in August.

Now I can spend my time worrying that this is going to kill me, that I can't clean dishes or cook because the sink is leaking into the kitchen everywhere, and that I have no money for food.

Please check out my Patreon, I'm going to update it on the first of August, anything helps me out. I'm working myself to death finishing up commissions and squeezing extra sketches in-between to update my Patreon with, anything you can spare is a life saver.

I'm not even joking, it really is.
Is it any wonder I keep having panic attacks with everything I need to handle in my life.

Now if you will excuse me, it's still early enough in the morning that I can go back to bed and cry about my life without anyone caring to bother me.

-- Tsu

I know I should be on an internet hiatus but I'm a nervous wreck and need to talk about it.

This past week and a half I had menstrual spotting, PMS symptoms, and constant soreness and cramps. This is after more than two years of not having a single period or even going through any sort of menstrual pain at all.

My doctor had never worried about it but when I saw his replacement she advised me to have a papsmear sooner than later and to get an ultrasound done to see what's up with my ovaries and uterus.

Tomorrow is the papsmear, I've had them done before, so no big deal but I've never had an ultrasound and with all the concern over the lack of making blood.

Sigh, I need to go, things are getting worse and the sink has a leak so I can't do dishes right now and the appointment tomorrow is forty five dollars, I literally have no money to my name. siiiiiiigh

-- Tsu

I seriously need to disconnect and get these commissions finished.

Yesterday I suffered two major panic attacks and it has affected me physically, emotionally, and mentally. I keep disassociating from myself, I can't focus, and I'm terrified of sleeping.

I need to take the time to finish my work, after which I plan to go on a commission break and work exclusively on patreon content such as comics, paintings, and videos.

I don't know what caused these attacks, I haven't had any as violent and frightening as these since I was ten and am not sure if stress from overloading myself or anything else is a factor. I have literally been vibrating since yesterday, sweating, heaving, I couldn't even get out of the car to get groceries.

I have talked to friends and family for support, Danny has been a crazy help, god love that man for his kindness, and my husband has been very supportive and understanding in cheering me up and reassuring me.

My plan is to not return until all my work is done and caught up 100%. I will only come online to keep in contact with my clients. I can always be reached at the email in the bottom header.

Please forgive my absence, I really need to take care of myself and disconnecting from distractions is all I can think to do now. I hope to see everyone soon.

Knowing me I may stay on until Saturday to reply to concerns and friends, I love all of you that support me and enjoy my work, I want to share more of it with you and keep spreading the love!

-- Tsu

Julien's booty is literally magical.

His booty is his power.
He uses it to get what he wants, his people and kingdom love him for it, he can literally wave it in someone's face and get what he wants!

Think about it.

He probably doesn't even really realize it, he just acts like himself and assumes he's just a lovable little lemur. I mean, he is the whole package, so beautiful, I want to fuck him.

Nothing makes me happier or glad to even be alive more than Julien, and ya know, getting to enjoy him enjoying a good fuck, amiright akjshdfg I had a lot of ice cream lol

-- Tsu

Fuck Uncle King Julien.

I want to fuck Uncle King Julien.... I need more Julien and his Uncle.
We also need high resolution copies of all the paintings in Mort's hut. We need them. Like now. Give me them.

Can't wait to catch up on commissions, I got so many ideas.

-- Tsu

Or apathetic- depressed, I dunno.

Let's talk why not?
Smut, OTPs, Julien... his Uncle. >///>

-- Tsu

Some asshole from fucking Chihuahua Mexico fucking stole my paypal card number and was making charges left and right and from what the paypal guy told me was just testing it out to make sure the charges went through before they made a huge purchase and I'm just FUCK

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK
I'm a good person I work hard why do people even do this!

It's just like one bad thing after another with me!

I sorted it out, took my bank account off my paypal, getting a new card, put a new password just can you even I- I'm so angry! Excuse me I need to yell or break something!

-- Tsu

Hey all you people won't you listen to me!

I've been reading this fic, no ordinary fic, a fic with Julien and his Uncle fucking!

Hey man you've got to read this fic, it's no ordinary fic, it's the tastiest fic you'll read!

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20405168/

Read it, do it, discuss!
Talk to me peoples this is amazing, I've read it like, 30 times already! @w@

-- Tsu

EDIT: I AM A MORON HERE IS THE CORRECT LINK JESUS CHRIST FUCK