Power supply arrived yesterday and will (gods willing) be installed sometime tomorrow while i'm at the park.


Not much has happened here, still settling in and un packing. I've been playing Okami for the last few days, starting a new game since i couldn NOT remember where i left off lasst time. I love this game ^_^

Also had the little song/poem "Nature Boy" from Moulin Rouge playing in my head... It reminded me of a certain ex, who I'm looking forward to chilling with at Furfright this year.

"There was a boy
A very strange, enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far
Very far, over land and sea
A little Shy
And sad of eye
But very wise was he

And then one day
One magic day, he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me

'The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved in return.' "

I kind of had a little comic/illustration idea to go along with that, but not sure i'm up to making it...

Slowly but surely, going at my own pace like always, i'm taking the advice of the oracles and my own intuition; relaxing, taking more time for myself and working on the things i need to straighten out within myself before i go looking for love again. While this is something I don't WANT to take my time on, I know that it can't be rushed.
I love people, and I know i'm loved in return... not quite in the capacity or context that I really desire at the moment... (read: Foxy's horny, damnit!)... but knowing that people care helps.

You heard me right, I'm selling my soul-- er-- artwork again in an effort to supplement my Con-savings. So while my computer is still on the fritz (altho i getting a new power source installed this weekend), I"m going to open up cheap badge commissions.

Black and white, 3x5 badges of your character for either Furfright or whatever con you want them to be for. Or to just add to a collection.
Badges will be done in ink with cross-hatching and shading in cool Grey Prisma Markers. They will also be in badge holders, either horizontal or portrait, your choice.

I accept Paypal and checks/money orders. For Paypal, the price will be about $6 to offset the paypal fees, for check/money orders, the going price is $5. Furfright badges will be given out at the con, all others will be mailed out to the recipient.

With the economy being what it is these days, i'm not holding my breath for commissions, but every little bit helps neh?

And technology, apparently, hates me right back.

I had been using Josh's ancient laptop, it was running a little slow, but nothing hugel annoying, when suddenly... "whirrrrr Click! Whirrrrrrrr click!" and shut down. " 'Disc Read error', wtf?" I said. Called up an ex-bf on Geek Squad who said "COnrats, you has a paperweight. Hope you didn't put anything important on that thing, cuz you just lost the HD."
No, nothing important, just my ONLY MEANS OF COMMUNICATING WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD!!! *rages fumes cries and curses the computer gods*

So i'm now mooching Josh's computer to check my emails and journals and th elike until my piece-o-shit comp is back in busines... at least until it died for the last time, whenever that ends up being. I'm seriously afriad to even TOUCH this thing, for fear that it will explode.

I'm sick to death of having a barely-servicable computer that likes to go kamikaze on me randomly. Just ONCE i'd like to have a decent machine, but i can't even afford to get myself a new monitor, let alone an entire new machine... *sigh, pout and sob*


However... i just thought of something... If Josh is correct, we don't have to pay rent until October (move in stuff, first months rent and all that)... i'm going to ask the land lady tmw if that's true, just in case. if it is.... then i may just have enough with my next pay period from the office to... i don't dare even say it. I'm going to wait till morning, then see...

So for some reason, moving can never be wholly smooth, amirite? Although it was a jerky process, dragged out over about 1.5 weeks since i'm poor as hell and cashed in on a few favors of friends and family to helo me get my crap in here, i'm finally out of the House of J's and settling into the TurkiMort Compound.

Interwebz took longer to set up than we;d hoped b/c the self-startup kits NEVER FREAKING WORK the first time *grrrrrr* Actually, to be fair, it wasn't the cable comapny's fault, entirely. Altho they did keep me on hold for over an hour, transfer my call to freaking Alabama (where they apparently thin Massachusetts = Maryland....), and then have to send a guy over to check the cable only to discover that the apartment never set up internet in this unit before.... ANYWAY, that's all set up and then suddenly, BOOM!

COmputer power source fries on me again.... Thankfully it's well under warranty, so now it's being worked on my Josh's programmer buddy who fixed it last time. I'm currently making use of Josh's old laptop, so that means no new arts from me until i can go steal some time on my mom's scanner and transfer stuff. But then again, i've been so insanely busy, i've hardly had time to draw anything of real worth, except for one or two things.

K-san has let me borrow her internets for a few minutes, so i'mma give a quick update.

Moving is going relatively smoothly. got most of my crap in today, now Josh and I have to play Room Tetris to get stuff organized.

Internet will be hooked up by next tuesday, now we just have to get a wireless router.

Work will be slowing down in september when the park switches to being open on weekends only.

I'm looking forward to sleeping in again in the mornings...

Also, Bullet Cancer is contagious, and 99% fatal. ANd 'Trust the Cards'.

See you guys soon!

Ok, so my nice, carefully planned, less-stressful moving schedule just got kicked into high gear. The landlords informed other Jessi that they want to show the apartment this weekend (wtf, NO! We're all still moving crap!). We managed to postpone the viewings since this weekend is bad for us all but that doesn't mean the assholes won't try to show it during the week when we're all out of here. Other Jessi is moving out tmw, Josh and I are staggering our move over the next 2 weeks to accommodate the "Moving Out Of This Dump Party" next sat.

And since i'm not supposed to even HAVE a pet in here, I need to get Luggy to the Bunny sitter a week ahead of schedule. Thankfully, he'll be ok for about a week and I"m trying to work out moving my crap into the apartment by the end of Sunday 8/24. if I can get my bed moved in by then, along with about 90% of my stuff, I can move Luggy into the new place and live with him for a few days until Josh can get his stuff moved in.

Also, our internet is getting cut off on wednesday the 20th, so until Josh and I get intertubes and a router at the new place, I'll be AWOL for a bit. I"ll try to check my email from my parent's house, but i honestly have NO idea when i'll have time for that...

time for 6 hours of sleep before i'm running around like mad again.

I fucking HATE moving....

WOOHOO!! FA is back up!


SO yeah, great to have you back, FA I have a shit-ton of stuff to upload, but sadly i literally have NO TIME TO DO ANYTHING!!!

I'm currently working 40 hours a week at my office job AND about 20-25 hours a week at the local amusement park. I'm not allowed to say where i work, for corporate security purposes, but let's just say there's a lot of Flags over it... Five + One, to be exact.

I'm also moving in the next 2-3 weeks, so things are getting packed up on the 2 days a week when i have free mornings. I haven't had a full day off in a month, but I"m finally making enough to pay off my car.

Or I would if I hadn't been late on an insurance payment and end up owing them $287.50 by 8/28 or else they cancel my policy. I also need about $900 by 8/15 to move into the new place. Things are gonna be tight for a while, but I'll survive. I always do.

The first time I ever saw George Carlin, I was 5 years old and watching Shining Time Station. I remember being confused when this gray-bearded ,raspy voiced Mr. Conductor replaced Ringo Starr (or vice versa, i could never tell what the episode order was...), but he looked and sounded a lot like my dad's best friend, so I liked him anyway.

Years later, I was flipping through my father's book collection and found the book "Napalm and Silly Putty". I picked it up and couldn't stop cackling. Then Comedy Central showed a few of his old stand up routines and I was hooked.

Rest in peace, Mr. Carlin.

"That's the trouble with zombies; they're unreliable."

So it only took 2 years of searching, but I FINALLY found a part-time day job to supplement my meager income working at the office.

For the rest of the summer and into the fall (barring some kind of cut-back or severe fuck up on my part) I will be wearing the Day-glow yellow, khaki pants and white sneakers of a Six Flags New England employee. I"ll be working in the Games area ^_^

Seriously, I'd have to be severely out of my mind to fuck up this job, it's easy as hell. If a 15 year old kid can do it, I'll have no problems ^_^ So needless to say, my art work will be slowing down even more so since it's not like I'll be allowed to draw at this job. I'm still looking forward to this, I think I'll have a lot of 'interesting' pic ideas from this job ;p

So a week later, my tonsils are almost back to normal, my sinuses are almost fully clear and my health has 95% returned.

Now I just need to get off my lazy ass and scan the half dozen things I've drawn over the last week

So I've got a nasty case of viral Tonsillitis and a fever that's lasted 3 days. Throat's almost closed up and I sound like a frog when I talk, much to my roommate's amusement. I'm going to be out of action for a while, since even being on the computer for more than a few minutes causes my brain to melt.

See you guys later. *goes back to drinking gallons of tea, juice, soda, gargling with slat water, and taking herbal medicines.*

In the past 3 days I've gone to 4 picnics, eaten about 16 hot dogs, 2 full bags of chips, and 10 cans of soda.

A successful weekend of socializing, free food and friends.

And now to play Yoshi's Island DS and watch reruns of "Jon and Kate Plus 8".

So, ever since I was little, I've always taken other people's opinions of me above my own. I have a pretty clear idea of who I am and how I present myself, but sometimes you need to step back and see the image you're presenting from a clear perspective.

So, while I know I may be opening myself up to negativity, I have to ask:

How do you all see me?
How do I present myself to the denizens of FA?
If you know me off of FA, like via AIM or LJ, you have a different idea of the mind and human behind the DaFoxy.

Tell me. I'm genuinely curious as to how I come off to the net-lurkers and fans I've managed to gather on here.

Hope to hear from ya'll soon.






PS: I totally blame the Frontline episode I'm watching at the moment for giving me this idea.

Not Ready To Make Nice lyrics

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

Lyrics © The Dixie Chicks
I don't usually care for them, but these lyrics really hit home.

Loyalty is relative.

More and more I"m finding out that no matter what you do for people, they will take all they can from you when ti's convenient for them and then completely forget about you when they're done with you.

People say they're loyal to their friends, but really, it's all when it's in their own best interest. As soon as you outlive your usefulness, they will move on and find someone else to dick around.

I really don't want to turn into a jaded bitch, but the more I learn about life, the more I find myself accepting the cynical attitude towards it. I don't want this to happen, but I don't want to live in a dreamworld where everything is peachy keen.

Maybe my views will change if I ever meet someone who is truly loyal and not just when it's convenient for them.

We all make them. No one is exempt from it. The trick is recognizing when we are wrong and taking responsibility for our actions by apologizing.

I admit I made mistakes, repeatedly. I have made the same mistakes over and over again in my life and it has gotten me nowhere. It has cost me friends and lovers and now it is time for me to break the cycle.

There are those people who (probably) are watching this and know I'm speaking to them.
I take responsibility for the things I have said and done, and I apologize for them. However, I am not alone in the making of mistakes, the blame is spread equally.

I'm done fighting, I don't have the energy to do this anymore. I'm going to pull back into my den and lick my wounds and try to heal again.

I have learned from these mistakes.
I hope you can learn from yours.




And since tone is hard to express via text, this is meant in a sincere, tired,-of-this-fight, let's-just-be-adults-about-it-and-give-it-a-rest type of tone. Not sarcastic or snarky or emo. Just tired and sincere.

Due to personal issues, unless they somehow get resolved, I will probably NOT be attending AC this year. Unless I can nab a room with someone else, I'll be staying here.

Furfright, as always, is a go. A pack of wild dogs couldn't keep me from that.

*sighs*
Guess I"ll always be on the fringes of the 'popular' crowd....

Known by a few of them, but never seen as one of them.

So I'm kinda working on a multi-piece project for . It started out as just drawing his fursona as the Scout from Team Fortress 2 but has quickly become a series. He's suggested turning it into a portfolio or even themed badges.

SO my question to all of you guys is:
If I offered TF2 themed badges, would anyone buy 'em?
If so, would you prefer a portrait-style or full-body?
I think I'd charge $15 for portrait and $20 for full body.
Input?

So it's been almost a full year since I last logged into a MUCK of any kind. And while I don't miss the drama in any way, shape or form, I do miss the socialization, distraction, and fun of RP. Granted with my work schedule, all the best plots are run while I'm busy calling the nation to take surveys for various govt agencies... Such is the life of a 3rd shift employee.

Also there are a few people, former friends and current enemies, who I would like to avoid at all costs. Sadly, they're pretty active on most Furry MUCKS and thusly I can't use 'Turkituck" and feel safe.
The temptation to seek them out on user lists is great, but I really don't want to go looking for drama...

Bottom line, I miss RP-ing. only have a few evenings free for it and most RP's are dead during the daylight hours, but damnit, i still miss talking to people and fooling around. Some of my best pics are inspired by RP's.

Why is it you can be a starving artist to the point of literally having no food in the pantry, and still have trouble losing weight?

If I didn't know for a fact that not eating would give me an epic case of the hiccups, I swear i'd be willing to try anorexia to get rid of these last 8 lbs....

Time to go shopping anyway...

God I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I'll be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothings true and nothings right
Just let me be alone tonight
Cuz you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I"ll believe
Lie to me
But please, don't leave...

I have a face I cannot show
Make the rule up as I go
Just try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Could you be man enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I"ll believe
Lie to me
But please, don't leave...

For the reasonable price for $22 ($20 for the price, 2 extra for Paypal deductions) I"m currently opening myself up this weekend for OC commissions. My office is closed for system maintenance until Monday and I need to make up some of the losses.

I'll be taking 5 slots to start with, so hurry up and get in line. If possible, I'll try and host the session so you can guide me in the creation of your piece.
You will get the .wpe file and the final saved project (providing OC doesn't crash randomly.)
In the event that OC crashes while things are getting good, I will quick-save the file and continue offline. You will still get the /wpe file if you wish.

Start lining up people, I need the money and the ego boost :D

Commission Slots
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We all have them. Some of us are able to ignore them for the most part, others are ruled by them

Mine show up once in a while and when they do, they consume me for a short time until I can be jollied out of them.
Currently my main insecurity is the fact that... i feel out of my league. Not in the artistic world, I've always felt out of my league when surrounded by talented artists all over the place. I know where I stand and I'm happy with that. I don't want fame, I don't want OMG ADORATION status, I'm happy with a few artists knowing who I am and enjoying my stuff. I still find it surreal that I have over 500 watchers and fans.

No, the area I feel out of sorts is in the field of love. I've recently become involved with a... very beautiful boy who is as lovely inside as he is out. He's a 9, at least. I'm ... a 6? Maybe. When I clean up, I could pass for a 7, but mostly I see myself as just barely above average. When I see myself in a mirror, I'm usually ok with what I see. However when I look at a photograph or web-cam screen pic, I"m appalled by the monster i see looking back at me.
I"m working on losing weight and I've dropped at least 30 lbs in the last year. But it still lingers around my face and belly and I want to really look good for AC and Furfright. I'm not one for exercise at all, but I've managed to do really well with smaller portions. the "eat what you can afford' diet seems to be working, even if it's not as healthy as I'd personally like. If I can just get down to 190, I will look and feel SO much better about myself.
But... I guess my insecurities about not being lucky in love in HS and everything that has happened in my life since has influenced my thoughts now. No one was interested in me in HS, then I had Matt (who was MAYBE a 4 on a good day...) and since then, I dated a string of 'alpha-losers'. Now I finally have someone who is gorgeous, intelligent, funny, ambitious, driven, and loves me for reasons I don't' think I"ll ever fully understand.
I'm also 5 years older than him and sometimes I feel the age difference's painful reality. I've always been the one to hang out with the younger crowd, mostly because I didn't' want to grow up too quickly. But I've seen and done things he hasn't and I don't want to feel like the old fart, but I sometimes do...

I should be content but I'm not... and I"m rambling... shutting up now...

1. Are you single or taken?
Single, for the first time in years.

2. Chocolate or flowers?
Chocolate. I kill any potted plants and cut flowers die too soon.

3. Will you do anything special for Valentines Day?
FOR Valentine's day, no. AFTER valentine's Day... like 4 days after, yes >;3

4. Do you like anyone?
I like a lot of people. Oh you mean 'like-like' ? Yeah, I do.

5. Were you dating anyone last Valentines?
Engaged

6. What would be your dream Valentines date?
No idea but as long as it involves hot sex, I'm happy.

7. Do you make a big deal about Valentines?
I used to get really depressed before I had a fiance. Then it was kinda 'meh' after a while. Now I'm looking forward to not having any obligations.

8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
Most of my admirers aren't that secret about it ;p

9. Would you ever write someone a love letter?
Yeah but I'd never send it.

10. Do you believe in Cupid?
As the son of Aphrodite and Ares, who married Psyche and tested her love for him? Yes. Great Myth.

11. Do your parents give you presents on Valentines?
Daddy always sends me a rose. My gramma used to get me chocolates, but she passed away 2 years ago....

12. Do you still send out Valentines cards?
Not really. I bring lollipops to my coworkers tho.

13. Do you like candy hearts?
Only the white, purple, and yellow ones. The green ones taste like laundry detergent >P

15. Is Valentines depressing?
Not this year. We'll see about next.

16. How do you feel about PDA?
I'm openly affectionate and try to keep it apropriate in public.

17. How is your love life?
It's been better...

18. Have you ever been dumped on Valentines?
Nope.

19. How many roses would you want?
Less than a dozen, more than one.

20. Will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend next Valenitnes?
Dunno. We'll have to wait and see.