So I am trying to go to sleep, but I usually go to sleep with the door locked b/c 9/10 out of someone has to come and try and wake me up when I am trying to sleep, and it mostly when the door is locked when they do. But my mom complains when I do, so I just left it alone, b/c I didnt think "brother" if I can call him that would come in and fucking bother, plus my "friend" so he come in a lays on top of me, I ask my brother to leave, and he just opens the door then shuts it. I think he left, and I am trying to sleep and my "friend" asks me what I think of Ben I tell him my brother laughs turns out he is in the room. So I ask him to get out so I can get some sleep, and he goes on a rant how I am the same way, bluh bluh bluh, how I stay in the room when he is trying to sleep, and other stuff. But its all ok now, I gave him more room and his privacy so that I am not in his way. So, now I have less room, but everyone is happy. So guess I am trying and being less selfish.

So the other day me and my brother went and bought a bunch of stuff, which included 2 Monsters. My "friend" so he says and I am told, or more to a brother to him, one the kids that used to punch me all the time. Started to open my brother's Monster, I started to be passivise told him not to drank it, and everything would come back on me. My brother was at drill, all day he got home went directly to bed, never noticed. Mostly b/c I put it back in the fridge empty, b/c I couldnt deal with that shit there and then, my brother's fit I mean. So my "friend/brother" keeps me up all night to want to take a 4 hour nap at 4:30 in the morning. Mostly of this shit happens b/c I am trying to be polite I am sorry if I sound bitchy. So I go to my room to take my nap, b/c I am really fucking tired, and not even 10 mins later I am alerted by some kinda knocking, so I thought if they want in they can open they door, they obviously has hand they can knock. They open the door its my brother, 1st thing he does it yell at me, asking about his Monster. I just take the blame, b/c I knew it was all going to come done to this, and I want sleep. After I leaves I cant go back to sleep, I have been up since 6;00 yesterday morning, and after being tired for hours b/c my "friend" forced to me to stay up, I fucking cant go to sleep! I fucking hate, pain, I am afraid of needles, but typing it and seeing the word I hurt thinking about it, but if someone has it needle close to me, I am fucking dieing! And I fuck guess that makes me a fucking baby, and I guess I fucking I just wanna give up, I hate pain, seeing, causing others to be hurt, and more shit, and if that makes me a baby, or bitch or what the FUCK ever you wanna call it, then yes I fucking am. I dont care anymore, my knees hurt mostly likely from doing the things for my mom, I coulda waited for my brother to get home to do, or cooled down, but no I had to do it then and there by myself, push it about probably 300feet more or less I dont fuck know in 90 degree F or higher heat, push about a 150-200 pound riding lawn mower, but guess that doesnt matter as long as I get it done right? Right? I dont wanna feel pain, or get yelled at anymore, its not that I wanna give up anymore it was never that way, guess was being selfish in the beginning, even now. But I have to I feel need to be set free, from who, or what I am, what my torture has made me, you can say I am over exaggerating or whatever but in my mind after awhile of enduring 10-15 or so years of pain it what it is to me in my brain. Need to end it. I guess if there is anyone here or that reads this, I try about 5 maybe 10hours of staying alive just starring like around I guess. This isnt about wanting to kill myself anymore its about saving the people around me, I dont know when or how, but sometime soon I am sure I am going to go somewhat mad, so I will probably try to kill other people, my head is hurt, but I guess I am going to have to suck that up too right? Its ok, I got it covered I will suck it up. Oh one good thing I was able to eat, my mom brought me food, and I was able to eat some before and after sharing it with my friend, probably will be all I need for a couple of days. Guess I will talk to whoever respond, I was actually going to give it one last try, I wanted to, I would miss too many people but guess I wiil answer a life long question.

I try to help people, I hate seeing others being hurt, seeing other being hurting, violence, hurting others with words, or physical contact. I hate the word hate but its the only thing I can use. I feel like I am a burden, an annoyance, a mistake. So I try to watch as many people as I can, find people who need help, and see if I can make friends, save lives. But all I end up doing is being a problem some how, or I find an enemy, or people I cant or wont let me help. And all I try to do, is good, but when I ask for help it is like I am complaining, or hurting another person. Well listen here, which no one is going read any of this, but its my story. I was a young boy, and mostly what I remember hearing is my dad yelling at my mom, and her crying. I dont think that is what a boy should hear growing up. Next thing I know is I am leaving with only my mom, and she has to take care of 3 kids with my dad being over seas stationed in Bagdied (spelled it wrong, fuck you) Then all throught out my school life I was bullied 6 years, I hardly knew who my friends were and who didnt like me, or if I ever had friends, in 3rd-5th grade, people who called me friend, or said I was there friend sent me off when they were talking to other people. In 6th-8th I had people I could kinda call friends, but they were never in my class, I always had a bully or 2 or about 5, I mostly remember debating if I should kill myself today or tomorrow. Average sit down chat with myself, I decided to live b/c I wanted to be able to help people, make them laugh and stuff, and all it was was a hopeless dream full of hopeless dream ideas. Then mostly 9th-10th I had people who would call me friend but just hit me all the fucking time. But home I mostly had to move rocks, remodel the garden, or move things and ask questions just to be yelled at b/c I didnt know what to do, b/c he never told me. You now one time he yelled at me b/c I was visiting with my brother in law and sister b/c my mom was mowing the back yard, I went outside asked her if she needed help she said no. I went back inside and sat down to my dad coming in and yelling at me forcing me to go outside into the heat, to take the stuff you use to make a green house he never built, telling me to leave he hated me stuff like that nothing new. But the cool part was he almost got a gun to start shooting us all and he was going to kill himself. was going to do it recently too, kinda wish he did, if he killed me would be less scum on this Earth all well. Mostly stayed alive b/c I wanted to help people and see where this race they called humanity was going, but that was a mistake I am mostly like one of the things in the way of humanity. I went into the military to save people help people, and all I get when I join are a bunch of bigots, this one guy continued to call me stupid, I finally broke down and started to cry. I tried to hang in there but I think I am about to just end this dream, this is a mistake one being me, signing off. I was going to put a whole bunch more but either I forgot it or, I didnt have enough time. Wish I could see more beautiful art from you lovely people, but bye.

Repost this b/c I dont think enough people saw this. So anybody who invades people on Dark Souls your all pieces of shits, especially if your OPed and you go back and invade and attack lower lvl people just to get their souls thats fucked up. I am trying to play the game to have fun, and play with other people then you fucks have to invade people just b/c you think its cool to invade low lvl people to get there souls, and ruin another person's time effort just b/c you want to be a greedy fuck, why not join someone's game and help someone for once as a shade or phantom instead of fucking others over, by stealing their souls and and getting souls just b/c you wanna kill somebody or something go play COD or Halo, or even better get a fucking life. On a side note how do you get invaded with 0 souls?

So anybody who invades people on Dark Souls your all pieces of shits, especially if your OPed and you go back and invade and attack lower lvl people just to get their souls thats fucked up. I am trying to play the game to have fun, and play with other people then you fucks have to invade people just b/c you think its cool to invade low lvl people to get there souls, and ruin another person's time effort just b/c you want to be a greedy fuck, why not join someone's game and help someone for once as a shade or phantom instead of fucking others over, by stealing their souls and and getting souls just b/c you wanna kill somebody or something go play COD or Halo, or even better get a fucking life. On a side note how do you get invaded with 0 souls?

I feel like shit, and I dont know why. I feel like I could throw up, but I dont wanna.

Going to repost this because I dont think enough people saw it. Thank you to all you beautiful people that watched me, and wish I could do something to all of you, but I have no money, and I am lazy, and I am too busy playing video games. But not too lazy to love mew all! <3 <3 <3 But anyway I need to talk to more of yall, I wish I was friends to more of you people, but a lot of times I feel mew just try to push me away, when I try to be friendly. I dont know what yall are afraid of, but mew should be of mew, I probably as harmless as a baby kitten. B/c if try to hurt, mew which I wont, I would probably get sad before I even had the chance or cry. Anyway just wanted to tell all of mew fankies, and we need to talk more, friendship are important to me, so if mew read this drop and comment so we can talk. If its not a simple thanks or your welcome I will respond, b/c I am awkward and dont really know how to respond, and why, hope we can chat sometime. Or even better drop a note! Ttyl!

Thank you to all you beautiful people that watched me, and wish I could do something to all of you, but I have no money, and I am lazy, and I am too busy playing video games. But not too lazy to love mew all! <3 <3 <3 But anyway I need to talk to more of yall, I wish I was friends to more of you people, but a lot of times I feel mew just try to push me away, when I try to be friendly. I dont know what yall are afraid of, but mew should be of mew, I probably as harmless as a baby kitten. B/c if try to hurt, mew which I wont, I would probably get sad before I even had the chance or cry. Anyway just wanted to tell all of mew fankies, and we need to talk more, friendship are important to me, so if mew read this drop and comment so we can talk. If its not a simple thanks or your welcome I will respond, b/c I am awkward and dont really know how to respond, and why, hope we can chat sometime. Or even better drop a note! Ttyl!

Just incase people dont know how to find them. ONLY ONES FOR XBOX 360!!! If mew ask I can get ones for the other systems. All of them work for me last nigh, but they might have expired. I got 53 from them.

5 Golden Keys in Borderlands 2: 53WJ3-6RBFR-3WWCF-KRJ33-FX99C
3 Golden Keys in Borderlands 2: 5JKBB-JRTJ5-J9X6Z-56TTJ-W9SF9
3 Golden Keys in Borderlands 2: 5BWT3-6CTJK-J9FRH-5FJ33-KTTKZ
3 Golden Keys in Borderlands 2: CTWBT-Z3JJK-BHRR9-5XJJJ-ZX36Z
5 Golden Keys in Borderlands 2: CBWBT-WK3XR-BKCWF-KRTT3-3K9X3
5 Golden Keys in Borderlands 2: WB5JB-ZWJFF-3K5KR-KRBB3-HKS9F
5 Golden Keys in Borderlands 2: C35TJ-BWBXR-B5W5R-5XTTJ-5ZWR5
3 Golden Keys in Borderlands: WTCJJ-FS9KX-T5WWF-KXJJ3-9HXBF
3 Golden Keys in Borderlands 2:5JCT3-CHS5X-TWWKR-WXJTB-RZ6ZZ
10 Golden Keys in Borderlands 2: CTKJB-KBTJ5-BSXRS-5XB3J-3ZCSZ
5 Golden Keys in Borderlands 2: KBCBT-HJ3XX-JC5CX-5XTJB-53B3C
3 Golden Keys in Borderlands 2: 5JC3T-XR3TW-BS6X9-WRJTT-FSKBX

So today I played a claw machine game, about 3-4 times, and won 2 bunnies, wanted to keep them b/c I really need stuffies! But I gave them away to my niece and nephew, gave a pink one to my niece and a blue to my nephew, was going to take pics, but got to lazy. So just use your imagination!

Who here loves Bioshock? About to play episode 2 of Bioshock Infinite: Burial at Sea. I loved the environment for the 1st episode, but my cloud storage has to load like shit!

How do a disabled account watch you?

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/themancat13/

So apparently if you drink Redbull your drinking semen. They are sending to all doctor offices to not drink Redbull b/c it has traces of semen. So do what you wish with this knowledge.

Ok, so if you post a comment, on a commission I have done dont remove the comment, comment your nowt going to offend, but what does is if your remove your comment, so if whoever did tat, please come back and fix tat.

New diapies! Vote! Vote now, on the first on, http://www.abuniverse.com/poll/default.asp

What would you do if someone spit on you?

So, I have known this for a awhile now I guess I have been trying to lie myself. But I am bother to a lot of people I care for them, I try the hardest I can to care for them, to ease their pain, or maybe even make it go away, but the responds I get 9/10 times is no. And know it isnt meant to be, like a punch to the face or anything, but I feel like its then that really I feel like its more of a cut, like they stabbed me, because I was trying to steal their humanity, when all I was trying to do is give them what of mine I have life. Therefore this is me saying sorry for what I have done, and even more sorry for what I will do, because in me burn a fire, a fire of will, that my falter when times are hard, but then will come back stronger the next time. Now I know this all sounded like nonsense and nobody will ever read thing shit, but I feel that I needed to vent this and more. See I have felt the pain and hate directed towards me by others, and family members, loved ones, and myself too your not alone, I wanna help. I came close to trying to kill myself before because of the people that did things to me. But it seems all I gain is more pain I come out hurt worse then when I came to help, and when I do feel pain I dont cry, I probably only cried at least 2 in a year. I havent been able to find the person to help me, but I continue to help other in pain I guess its kinda a self destructive life-style but if I dont try then their might not be someone out there who will. I have felt like just a pile of shit before, just because someone disliked me and felt like it was there mission I guess, will the only thing a can say to that person is thank you because there is good that came from that, I came back stronger. Because that person didnt care for me and I wasnt trying to help him, cause he didnt need it and now I dont hate them cause I cant and it woudnt be right. But when someone I am trying to help does it, it kinda makes me feel worthless, but I cant stay down case there are others who would need me. So I wonder and wondered for a long time, how many people would care if I just disappeared? I kinda feel like a protagonist of a story but if you think about it arent we all one of our own story so why are you allowing people and emotions to control you last time I checked you control yourself. Anyway sorry for me rumbling, hope everyone has a good future!

What do you think I should buy for "ME"?

Does anyone know where I can find a thing of adult diaper, and if I order them how do they come?

The avatar: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12011401/

Her journal: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5230665/

Some does anyone here thing I should talk more babyish, because I would love to, but dont want to get on anyone's nerves? :(

But any one here ever or recently play Dark Souls, because it KILLING ME, and I only played it twice!!!

What are y'all doing for your's? I am just going to sit around at my house playing xbox and watching anime, wish I could do more though, then again I still have to finish my essay. Any share if you'd like, so Happy Halloween!

Well I am done. 2 months of mostly boredom out of the way, but I am kinda stuck here for awhile. My bro and me came together, but got split because he had an eye exam to go to and he missed it. And the day my group shipped out to go to our place for BCT he was left behind, but he graduates the 22nd. But I will be here for a couple of more days, but at least now I can talk you who ever wants to talk. So just hits up and I will get back to you, I am missing a week of school, but all well. But any way, hello to talk to you all again!

Well one more day and I will be gone for nine weeks.

So now I have some privacy I am away from my twin not very far, but far enough. So now I have a computer all to myself and my xbox to play on. The next few days I am going to be pretty busy getting ready to go to basic, first I am going to the air force base in Little Rock to get somethings for when I go to basic, then I am going to outback. Then later that night I am going to a bonfire, then my parents want to have a get to together and for my family and some of my friends. Sunday I dont know what I will be doing, then Monday I will be off, for nine months, srry guys but if you ever want to talk heres my phone number: 870-484-0016. And if you want to contact me on a messager their on my profile, and if there isnt one, and I am not signed up for it yet, just tell me and I will. Also if I dont respond for awhile, dont worry they are going to put my phone on lock down, so I wont be able to answer for awhile.