So to begin, I just want to set up two things to keep in mind. I suffer from immense ADHD so I can go *years* before remembering something. And two - my writing style is more or less, "Ideas bounce around in the noggin for a while (read: years) until I slam them out one night". Which brings me to the subject of this journal -

I have a fanfic in mind. A little trio, actually. A long time ago I came across  lykos 's DUI series. I really enjoyed them. A few years later, Lykos posted some artwork related to those characters but taking place a while after the stories. I commented on that piece and mentioned how I'd like to write fanfics for them, and to my surprised, Lykos enthusiastically endorsed the idea! How awesome!

That was three years ago, almost to the day. And yes you'd be right to point out that I haven't written anything yet. But that's where the ADHD comes in - I haven't forgotten about them. It's still something I actively think about, as I try to figure out precisely what I want to do with the stories. I've just lacked the focus to sit down and actually work on them and put words to the page. In *general* I know what I want. I have an outline in mind where I think I can neatly fit out three chapters/stories with the characters. But before I go further on that, a word first about some influences and fears of mine.

I grew up in the 1990's. And one of the best action movies of all time came out during that time - Terminator 2: Judgement Day. I could write a dozen thesis essays about everything in that movie, from the subtle details about violence and gore, to the character framing, setup and payoff, just everything about that movie is a masterpiece. And as the title suggests, it's a sequel. And as a sequel, it is something I take inspiration from in regards to how I would want to approach writing a sequel to the DUI series. T2 stands on it's own as a masterful action movie. Everything in the plot makes sense on it's own because they give you enough context to follow along and understand. But if you saw the first movie, you'll pick up on lots of callbacks that make everything make even *more* sense and feel more complete.

And on fears - well, there's sequels that are more infamous for just how bad they are. Other Terminator movies being awful due to bad writing, usually, because they did have solid concepts but poor execution. But my bigger fear in regards to this I would call "Episode 7 syndrome". Everything I have ever heard about that movie was that it was basically a fan remake of "A New Hope" with no original ideas or concepts and a waste of time. Yes I'm sure people liked it, it made a lot of money, but in general it wasn't respected as a continuation of the story. You know what WAS respected? Empire Strikes Back.

So I keep in mind that there needs to be a balance between keeping source material in mind and referencing as needed, while also progressing the timeline in a logical fashion given the characters and the events they've gone through. In T2, John Connor tells the young man from "Salute Your Shorts!" that his mother is in prison for trying to blow up a computer factory. It's worldbuilding that logically progresses the story and characters between movies. When the movie starts and Sarah Connor is in a psyche ward, it makes sense. Going forward, T2 is not a rehash of T1. There's new things, motivations, characters, concepts, and tensions for that movie. It feels completely fresh while still calling back to the original and building upon that foundation.

I suppose all this is a treatise on proper sequel writing moreso than my specific laments and thoughts on my project, but I digress.

Bringing it all back to the main topic, I have ideas in mind for writing out sequel fanfic stories for the DUI series. But I'm trying to walk a tight rope between making sure things are a logical progression of the characters without being a rehash or "greatest hits" remix (Star Wars Ep 7, Terminator Genisys), without being so far removed from their origins that they come across almost alien to those who would be familiar with those stories (Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice). I have ideas for the tensions I want to build in the three chapters. I have ideas for what I want the characters to do. I have ideas for the sex scenes. And just like the original DUI stories, I have two different endings I want to explore and yes publish both versions (which I suppose means I have three chapters in mind, but there will be four actual entries given that the third chapter will be in two versions to accommodate the two endings).

I'm also trying, as best as I am able, to sprinkle in things that call back to the DUI series, some things subtle, some things overt. One detail I'll freely tell now because it's not a spoiler - the first chapter will start in a bar. It's a little thing, but given that the events in DUI are precipitated by the consumption of alcohol, I think it's a decent nod to the original stories. I feel like chapters two and three will need additional subtle nods to the source material, but that's what's on my mind about that.

The other thing I'm concerned about is the dreaded, "Mary Sue". So any new characters I introduce, I need to make sure they are well-rounded and have good reason to be there. I'm not planning any author self-insert characters or anything like that but there will be new characters (mostly in chapters two and three).

Am I overthinking how I want to write sex fanfics? Maybe. But I still want to put forth my best on this. I suppose more than anything I just wanted to get these thoughts out into the open as a way for me to get past them and get further into the process. It feels better having gotten it all written down.

So I'm not going to post a hot take about the latest FA AUP update. I've been reading a lot of user journals talking about it, I understand their concern, I'm more or less at the stage of, "okay, so what's the next step?"

See the thing is that a long time ago, there was a kerfuffle here on FA, and I completely read the room wrong. I really thought at the time that there was going to be momentum to move on to other places, and at the time there was only really one contender - the bunny site. So I made my profile there, posted my stories, and set up things like blacklisting a bunch of tags and so forth. And with features like that and a search (yes IB had a search years before FA did), I thought that IB was eventually going to be where people eventually settled. It had better management as far as I could tell, much better features and the site functioned much better. And yes I thought that people valuing artistic freedom rather than not having to deal with things that made them grimace was going to win out.

Boy was I wrong. Very, very wrong.

I think I used the site in parallel to FA for about a month before logging out and not going back. It's just...that reputation for being //the// site for...//that//. And while I can and do fully partition the things people engage in for fantasy, from what they are as a person, I still never really felt comfortable when I was on the site. Or in more direct words - I don't judge you or others if you engaged in that fantasy stuff so long as it stayed as fantasy, it's just not my cup of tea, and I didn't feel comfortable being in the epicenter of it.

Eventually Weazyl came along. I made an account there (with considerably more enthusiasm) but I never really stayed because there wasn't really a mass migration like I thought there was going to be. It too seems to be a more functional site, better features and all that. At least so far though, it does not have the traffic that FA does. Want a quick comparison? My two biggest stories here have 12,350 views & 260 favs, and 53,138 views & 632 favs. On Weazyl, those stories have 120 views & 2 favs, and 343 views & 8 faves. I have more favs here than I do views there. And that's not even getting into the number of comments.

Right now there is a lot of heated discussion over where people are going to go. Some people are staying, some are leaving. The leaving is happening all over the place though - some people are using something called Subscribestar, which is something I'm not familiar with but I'll Google it later. Others are basically leaving for Patreon and Twitter (yes really). A few people mentioned going to the bunny site, and others announced their intention to go to Weazyl.

If this is going to happen, I well and truly hope it'll be a solid move to Weazyl. But that's easier said than done. People have galleries that can be hundreds or thousands strong which can be an immense logical hurdle to disincentivize moving no matter what tools you provide. And the lack of traffic/engagement, at least currently, at other sites is a big incentive to stay put. Like it or not, inertia is a thing and people create media to be viewed. The messiest, greatest tentacle story of all time doesn't do much good if a few hundred people see it in some niche site somewhere else, instead of the tens of thousands of views it'd get here. For reasons like that, I'd never delete my gallery here (tiny as it is) because those numbers mean something to the person who created those things.

There are some things I need to make sure get mirrored over to my Weazyl page, but I'm tempted to say that any future uploads might go there instead. I won't commit to it yet because I've most definitely been wrong about these things before, but I'm /tempted/.

If you'd like to discuss, feel free to drop a comment. I love comments, though my journals tend to get about...zero comments most of the time.

Kinda bored, thought it'd be interesting to connect with people. I don't do any of those web sites that people register with for questions, but I thought it'd be nice and fun to do something here.

So if you have questions, post them below and I'll reply!

I've incurred a financial setback recently and it had me thinking about doing something to offset some of the costs. To be clear, I'm fine, my situation is *NOT* dire. It's just a setback. And you know, maybe it'd be nice to offset that somewhat by doing commissions every once in a while?

The thing is that I obviously have not done commissions before. So while I have it on my mind, perhaps you'd like to just answer a few basic questions? If you have a moment to spare, just comment with some basic stuff. Like, how much you'd pay for a commission from me. Timetable to get the final product. What you'd expect in terms of length compared to dollars spent. Stuff like that. And anything else related to this all, that you think would be pertinent to add.

I'm not promising to open for commissions, I'm just testing the waters per se.

People seem to have more time for reading. I say that because ever since about mid-March, I've been averaging one Favorite notification every few days. Compared to the past few years, where I'd only get one every month or so.

Considering the stores are anywhere between 8-10 years old and they're still getting attention, makes me grin a little bit. /Just a little/ ;)

Look, I know I haven't posted a story in years, nobody knows who I am or cares about my opinion, but there's something I keep saying to people in everyday conversation. And I just feel the need to say it on a bit broader of terms.

There's a quote that floats around the internet quite a bit. "You don't have the right not to be offended". It's a quaint and pointed line. I like it. But it's misleading, because it imply that there are rights you don't actually have. Here's the new line for the internet to use. You don't have to attribute it to me (I doubt I'm the first person to say this anyway), but this needs to be the new thing people say. Ready for it? Here goes.

"You don't have the right to be offended".

Just the removal of one word in that sentence makes all the difference in the world.

Just checked my two primary stories...the views are 7,500 and 24,500 precisely. What are the chances of those perfectly rounded numbers turning up when I checked my stats today? Dunno.

In other news, holy shit 24,500 views on a freaking story. You guys rock so hard and make me so happy. Thanks for all the support over the years guys :)

Edit 7/21/2016, "Pack" hit 30,000 views today!

So "Fifty Shades of Gray" is in movie theaters today? That book being made into a movie before my little story "Making the Pack Submit" is just kinda bullshit ;)

Maybe I can get in touch with some Japanese animation studio and get it made into a movie. Or! I know there's a lot of phallus worship over there, and they pretty much invented the tentacle monster, maybe I can convince some investors to open up a "Submit"-themed theme park somewhere in Japan? Interactive rides, exhibits, oh my it could be fun...

So, someone asked me a rather pertinent question on my "TMI Tuesday" journal. "When's the next story going to be posted?" The answer was simple, but there's a lot going on in the background and almost all of it, both positive and negative, is going on in my head. So, I just want to try and explain what's going on so you guys can hopefully understand what's taking so long.

March 13'th, 2010, I had no submissions, and really no watchers other than those people who automatically do watch-backs. I was browsing FA for some of my favorite kinks and coming up empty. Those kinks tend to be rather niche, and all of the visual submissions that catered to it, I had already seen. I had started searching for written submissions and getting very frustrated with the results that came up. Too often, the stories were way too short and lacking description, or full of hemaphrodites (no disrespect intended, but when there's four characters in an orgy and every one of them is referred to as "hir" it makes it impossible to follow what's going on), or lacking any coherent transitions also making it difficult or impossible to understand what was going on, or diving into a different branch of said kinks that was actually a turn-off for me.

(yes, being vague so this journal can be semi-sfw. If you read my stories, you know what I'm talking about anyway).

It took me a while to get to this point, but I finally said, "You know what, this is utterly futile. Maybe I can do a quick story to show them how it's done." At this stage, my motivation was frustration. I wanted to lead by example, and I had a head full of notes of all the things that they were doing wrong, so for me it was as simple as writing a story that sidestepped all the problems the other stories had.

So, I did.

The story certainly lacked any sort of inspiration. The setting and premise were as generic as they could get. The characters were stock. The "villain" was cliché. About the only thing that really stood out was, coincidentally, my taking a brief step outside of my comfort zone to progress the sexual narrative into some territory I wasn't familiar with or into. But I suppose it had a decent enough flow, the main character was developed just enough for the reader to really understand what was going on inside his head, and there was enough detail and smooth flow in the sexual scenes for people to follow along without trouble.

That the story did decently was honestly a surprise to me. I pretty much had no watchers at that point, and the FA community is still primarily visual based, let's be honest with ourselves here. So when I racked up about a dozen favorites, a couple of comments, a few new watchers, and even fan art? Just...wow! I was completely taken back by all that. This changed everything. Some of the comments were even by people I watched on FA and I really enjoyed their work, so I was almost giddy. Watchers, I mean, people wanted to follow me in case I posted more? Amazing. And fan art? That was the most surprising thing of all, to me. That some people liked it so much that they put in their own time and effort into giving me illustrations? That put a huge smile on my face, I just couldn't believe it.

And keep in mind, in this timeframe, the submission only had just under a thousand views. I was so buoyed by all that, that I had it in my mind that maybe I'd write a sequel. I hadn't really planned on writing any more when I first posted the submission, but hell, if people liked it, then why not write more?

It took months before I'd sit down and write again (September 7th). For those who know me, I've described the event as "the stars aligning". Because for me to write, there has to be a really hard-to-hit sweet spot of horny enough to think of some really dazzling things, but not horny enough to actually lose focus or masturbate and just outright lose it.

When I did write, I did so out of arrogance, I admit. I didn't have a plan. I didn't have any real ideas beyond the rather nebulous concepts of "go bigger, go stronger this time". And I started writing the sequel to that first story, which is now my flagship submission. At any point when I was writing, I was only really thinking one or two paragraphs ahead. Again, I really didn't have a plan. I just knew what I wanted, and that at some point I'd figure out how to get there and integrate more of what I wanted (and less of what made me uncomfortable last time).

Again, this time I was motivated by arrogance, which is a strange thing to say because at the time I still had relatively few watchers, only one submission, but I felt like I was on top of the world because of how well that one submission did, despite the odds. That this second story did well, I would have told you at the time that it was just a matter of fact. Of course it did better, I took all the good things from the first story and I went bigger, I went bolder, I went longer. I was so self-assured of this piece of work, that I went to the (then new feature of FA) favorites list of my first submission, picked out dozens of names, and noted them on FA to tell them I wrote a sequel. Then I did so for most of the people who commented on that first story.

And we all know how that turned out. In an odd turnaround, the success of that second story has extremely humbled me, and then some. The views, favorites, comments, and again more fan art of the second piece far, far exceeded that of the first. At this point, my first story had maybe 1,500 views, and the second one was catching up quickly. It took months before the sequel reached the same view tally as the first, and I remember writing a brief journal entry about it then. I was a bit smug of course, but extremely grateful to all those who made it possible. I thanked them all, and pretty much left it at that. At that point, the submissions were around 3,000 views.

The views on that submission kept growing. They're still growing (my god, it's almost at 14 thousand at the time of this writing O.O). But as I racked up more views, I started to become confused. I started to get worried. There was something off about it, that to this day I still haven't been able to quite figure out. Although the sequel had vastly more views than the original, it only slightly more favorites. Was it featured on something like "WTF FA?" where people were gawking at it instead of enjoying it?

Still, it had vastly more comments as well, overwhelmingly positive, and I set my concerns to the side. In the time since then, however, it almost feels like I let loose some sort of monster. The best way I can describe it would be via a commercial I saw about a decade ago. In the commercial, a small group of friends in a rented office space launch their new internet business! As they eagerly watch the screen, a few orders for their product/service comes in. They shout out happily, hoot, hollar, and high-five each other. Then more orders come in. They cheer. Then even more orders. They start dancing. Then, tens of thousands of orders flood in. The jubilation stops. They look worried at one-another and ask, "How are we going to keep up with this?" And more orders flood in...

That kinda feels like where I am now. I obviously never expected to be in this position. You guys want more stories. And honestly I want to provide them. But I don't have the confidence in my own material or creative process to move forward at a good pace. And it's put me in a rather awkward spot. I tried to just jettison the entire idea of doing huge stories in favor of doing smaller ones with less pressure. But I was never satisfied with the outcome, although the endeavor did leave me with a few ideas for world-building where I'd write all my future stories that all happen within the same shared universe. Anyway, I was just never as comfortable making those smaller stories because it feels like I have so little room to stretch my creative wings. On the flipside, doing a larger story demands a better payoff because if someone is going to invest two hours reading a 30-page document, it better damn well be worth it, right?

So now I have to try to make something that satisfies both my audience and my own expectations. On that note, remember that "awkward spot" I mentioned in the last paragraph? Well, because of what I wrote, some people wanted to actually meet me. It seemed odd, but since I was going to be going to a few fur cons anyway, I made some arrangements to meet them. And it's all fine and good, but one such person asked me to write a story for him. Or to be more specific, he wanted to commission me.

At first I agreed, and the next day we started communicating at length about what was to be in the story. Details, certain kinks, all that. Over the next few weeks, we talked extensively about what he wanted, I did a bit of research...with him...in my bedroom...and afterwords I started brainstorming on what to do in the story. I put together notes on how I wanted to frame the story (a first for me. As I said before, I was just flying by the seat of my pants), planning out what happened and when, got some character notes, etc etc.

I've put together a story that is currently 12 pages and only just starting to get to the fun stuff. And here's the series of snags I've hit. 1: I'm not as self-assured/arrogant as I used to be. I'm trying to be much more thoughtful about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. 2: Because he's close, that means the stakes are higher for me because I really, REALLY want this to be good for him. 3: As time has passed, I've been disappointed in myself for not having completed the story yet. He's been waiting a long time, and I feel terrible for it. I told him that I was switching it from a commission to a request, because I didn't want to take money for something that was taking so long to finish. Then 4: he upped the ante by covertly switching my plane ticket from coach to first class. I mean like, the fuck?! As if I wasn't under enough pressure, now I have to make a story that is somehow worth the money from upgrading from coach to first class from his "gift". I just wanted to plant my face on my desk and yell out, "I'm so not worthy!"

So now I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to do with his story, because he deserves something that is hopefully as good as my featured submission. But I also don't want it to come across "same-y" or "repetitive", so how do I do the same thing again while keeping it fresh and interesting, while living up to the expectations set by the previous two? I feel like I'm living under the shadow of my own creation, and that it rules me and my haphazard creative process instead of the other way around. I have ideas to make it new and interesting, but I lack the confidence in them to say to myself, "Yes, I am sure that people will enjoy this as a new thing instead of comparing it to it's predecessor and they won't refer to it as more of the same".

In time I hope to figure it out and create something wonderful. I do have ideas for other things. If we refer to my featured submission as a "large" work, then I have a few ideas for some medium sized stories that work on different themes and therefore don't have the same problems I'm encountering with this current story. I've been told to work on those to break out of my block, but I really don't feel right about working on something else when I owe someone something I promised them two years ago (yes I know I am a terrible person, I am trying my best here and I'm being brutally honest with myself).

So that's where I am; that's what's going on. Feel free to comment below, but I just thought I'd share the current situation with you guys.

Some days you're the wolf, some days you're the tentacle :P

Ever spend an afternoon hammering out a detailed and storied background for a person or thing, taking up two pages and hours upon hours of revision and drafts until you realize that for fuck's sake you can't make any of this storied history relevant to the story or characters in any fashion?

I'm all for detail, but detail has to be relevant. So, after some merciless editing and getting it down to one page, I still had no idea how this background info will be relevant, so I get to shelve it and render all this time wasted. But it'll be kept in my story notes in case I can tie it in, in a meaningful fashion.

Today I checked on my submission statistics and noted that something special has happened in relation to the pair of "submit" stories. The sequel has finally surpassed the original in terms of views. I am humbled by the fact that so many people have enjoyed my work despite the fact that I am rather new to FA and an amateur writer. I want to thank all of you who have faved, commented on, or simply viewed my work. It means a lot to me, I promise.

As for "Making the Pack Submit", does this milestone mean it is officially a successful sequel? I certainly hope so.

I'll also be honest about something. I didn't plan on making a sequel to "Making the Leader Submit". I just wrote out an elaborate fantasy of mine and I really didn't expect it to receive the amount of attention it garnered. I'm glad I was able to produce a story that so many people enjoyed, and also, produce a sequel that exceeded my expectations and became an even bigger hit. Yet still, I hadn't been planning on continuing it...but since so many people have expressed interest in it, I will write more into it.

I left a lot of open ends on "Submit", and I will be exploring those bits and pieces as time moves on. However, I think it would be wise of me to move away from tentacle scenes for a while in an effort to keep things fresh. So, to that end, I will attempt to fill in some of the blanks of the story with more standard sex scenes of assorted types - everything from the all-night straight-sex romp between Ra`khu and Rinnae (mentioned in passing in "Pack"), to the capture and sexual torture (possibly climax control, orgasm denial, bondage, and rape...may change in the future) of a captured bear soldier (male/male). I want the story of "Submit" to be more than just extreme tentacle rape, and hopefully I can add chapters that will create a broader story that has something that everyone can enjoy.

That's about it for now. There's something else I want to address, but for the sake of "TL;DR", I'll post it separately in a day or so.

Thanks again :)