I have completed the first month of my new job after college, (I graduated in May), and I have spent the last month pushing out a drawing a day for inktober. I'm hoping to keep that kind of spirit up, but for here, however life gets in the way, i hope to do my best :)

So thrilled first half of the year was filled with getting a new job and being a full time college student.the second half of the year I had an injury to my back which made it impossible for me to be d over a desk and draw and I went 2 months unable to walk. Well I'm back on my feet and am ready to begin producing art again. Art to come out soon I'm still here!

Hello all! I am doing my best to pay for college on my own with out going into debt. That being said, I would like to offer up my services, what would be better? offering YCH or just taking on projects one at a time? thankyou!

I'm use to drawing Trebor and myself. looking for 5 characters to draw just to change up my pace. Because it is Free I will not guarantee a time period for the art to be finished by. I also will only accept current watchers/have been my watchers before this post. first 5 get it.

When I'm with my "Daddy" or "babyboy" the troubles of the world melt away or are made a little bit easier with his help and comfort. So many things have been really rough and today didn't go like it was suppose to but I will go to bed, quite relaxed and happy. The past has been frustrating the future is frightening but the present is very sweet and I hope my dreams will be the same :)

the storm rages' tipping the boat
i yell to you to hand me the rope
why ?
its such a beautiful day?
all you see
is that one sun ray

PLEASE we are sinking!
you chuckle
"have you been drinking?"

even as the rain drenches your clothes
even though your body, shivers from the cold

i'm all for looking at a glass half full
I'm all for finding everything thats beautiful

But your so blinded by denial what you hope to be true
you don't notice whats right in front of you

the boat is sinking and we will drown

Would there be anyone interested in comissions of my work? Traditional media only currently pencil,acrylic, colored pencils.

So the past week to today I have been having a great difficulty sleeping which isn't something particularly new for me but i had been getting onto a good sleep routine and now its all out of wack again. Been having nightmares and troubling thoughts. Last night ws one of the worsts I think. I went to investigate a psych ward cause I got a letter asking for help. they ended up tricking me and not letting me leave. They said I had been signed into being a ward of the state and all my financial assets and all my life would now be none of my choice and they were gonna medicate me into a numbess I didn't want. I begged I begged to go home there was nothing wrong with me. but no one would listen. I try to escape but I coudn't. it was so frightening.
I suppose its just cause tooday is the anniversery of an event I just can't get out of my head no matter how I try. I feel a bit confused and sad. All the lack of sleep has taken place on my health.
Though on a brighter note, yesterday was really great. Went and seen a movie with my daddy/babyboy/friend and just spent the day hanging out. It was very wonderful.
And today I got to discuss art with an artist who work I like so thats good too.
I gotta try and get some sleep tongiht.
I have work bright and early in the morning.

I'M OFF TO VISIT A FRIEND A FEW STATES AWAY. I'VE NEVER TRAVLED ON MY OWN! SO EXCITED AND NERVOUS .

so for the past year or so I have been working on improving my sewing skills. The reason is I really like to look cute when I regress it helps me tremendously when I'm regressing. But its really hard to find cute clothing for adults let alone plus size adults (i'm XL). So I was like hey i can do this. and now I think i have grown very successful in my efforts and hope to improve over the years to come. It has become one of my favorite pass times.

I've worked lots of jobs and just started at mcdonalds a couple of weeks and its been great :) I enjoy it quite a bit.

Trebor : grumble grumble grumble groan
Two Shoes: Trebor your so pissy you need a diaper!

DA DA DOOSH
Thankyou i'm here all week ;)

Today's been an alright day. gotta see my littleboy/daddy at church today. even if he seemed a little grumpy it is always nice to see him. then i came home and my house is a mess because of the boys that stayed the night here. it was cute to see them sleep. they are all over 21 but they look just like little children when they are all curled up under covers. but instead of cleaning i took a nap and then went and worked out. i'm so proud of myself. i have worked out everyday this week and will continue into next week hopefully. i can't do a whole lot more than walking and swimming but its a start . i'm excited to see the progress that i'll make over time. It really distracts from being little when i can't run and play as fast as i want to without feeling sick. so yay looking forward to that.
on a bit of a sadder not i'm worried about a lot of my friends. It seems like all of them are going through a rough time. Especially my friend Chelse. She's been really sick for a long time. She has a child. Her husband lost his job and is having trouble finding work that will support them all and not kill his hands. he has been working at a production plant for a long time and hands are all sore and have some arthritis in them from constant use. She needs a ct scan. and needs some medication for her illniess. I'm trying to figure out how to help him. i'm keeping a look out for jobs for him and for many of my other friends looking for work. hopefully I can help them get on somewhere. time to use some of my networking skills

.....Okay so I love reading fan fictions and online stories. Its one of my favorite things to do....*big exagerated tears and whining* why must i always find stories that aren't finished!!!!!!! oh how cruel the authors getting me sucked in for so many chapters just to let me down in the end. boo hoo

Rehearsal is finally looking up, so excited for show week, got 2 weeks left. lets do this!!!

Okay so I work and Feel my best with about 7hrs of sleep, 5 hrs ain't to bad neither but really 7hrs is my best. Currently the very latest I can sleep in and be able to pick up my car and get to work by 8am, is 7am. sooooo Bed at the Latest should happen by midnight. which normally happens....But noises can wake me, and if they keep me awake long enough...I lay there for a bit before saying "f*** it" and just getting up for the day....
I can't keep running on 4 hrs of sleep
*sigh*

So I fell asleep sometime around oh i'd say 11:30 and woke up at 2....and I'm having trouble laying back down. All these wonderful Ideas keep popping into my brain. so in conclusion...i think my day has started...maybe off to walmart for some supplies....
YAY FOR 3 HRS OF SLEEP! BRING IT ON....*sarcasm*
gosh i'm tired haha
I'm gonna make a dress.
*pulls out the sewing machine and the material*

So the evening starts out with me being very angry at one of my friends who i am throwing a baby shower for and spending my money on and she is being picky about it. Then Everything at work goes wrong, i get behind, i can't get the stairs stacked, the mom water gets spilled on carbet, i smash my finger, the sprayer isn't working right, and Friday nights I get to spend with Trebor my Daddy/BabyBoy/Friend and i look forward to it all week and the evenings events made me angry and upset and i ended up throwing a huge tantrum and and *BAWLS* IT TOOK ALL TIME AWAY!!!!! *CRIES AND CRIES* nows i has to waits a whole weeks, and i dont' even know if next weeks wee see each other cause of Christmas and i is very sad and mad at myself and events and for being mad!!! *cries and cries and cries*

I love everything about Christmas. I love the Christmas Lights. I love Decorating my Christmas tree and putting up garland and ribbon all over my house. I love shopping and giving gifts for all of my friends to show them how much I love them. Christmas is by far my favorite time of year.
But the one thing I love most about Christmas is what is stands for. Or What it stands for to me at least.
Christmas to me is about Hope, Love, and Forgiveness.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whomsoever belevieth in him shall not perish but have ever lasting life"
-John 3:16-

It Is the day that God gave the world an opportunity for forgiveness. It is the day God gave the world a hope. And God gave it, because he loved us.

oh I love this time of year.

Okay so maybe I can understand why you might be upset but still I'm getting so fucking pissed of when I am always having to watch what I say and what I do or else risk the chance of there being a breakdown. It is like constantly walking on eggshells. anything that isn't a direct praise or an expression of love is seen as an attack and I am getting really tired of seeing that "hit dog" expression with his tail between his legs. Not every criticism is a personal attack. not every suggestion is expressing a failure of character, point out things that have upset me or that i don't' appreciate, is not expressing hatred, but is intended to prevent future arguments and headaches in the future. I'm so tired of if it being something that you don't want to hear regardless of if its true or not, you just completely ignore what is being said and don't pay attention.
Fucking Man Up. Don't' just start crying and expect me to say that I was wrong. Sit down and listen to me. Don't start getting upset every time i express any type of negative emotion, i cannot cry, get angry, be hurt, or ANYTHING without you pulling the attention onto yourself, by you getting upset or saying It is bad that i feel angry "especially" if its towards you. Do not use the power I have given you to punish me when I have done nothing wrong, but you simply do it because I choose not to agree with you or because i am "unhappy/upset", or because you are in the middle of your own tantrum.
Don't break every time you feel pressure! I am here to support but you know I can only carry so much when I'm expected to carry my own shit on my own too!
and you wonder why I don't like to share when there is something weighing on me?
the answer is simple
because you cannot handle it. you tell me you can, and I take a risk and let you hold it but if it is something you don't' care to hear about you'll let it crash and drop.
please stop jerking me around and just give me a solid answer.
*sigh* my rant is over now. I am very tired.

Why am I obsessed with this?
Its like an uncontrollable hunger. A longing desire.
A desire, that makes no sense to me.
It is not pleasurable. It hurts. well...the way that satisfies me hurts. If it doesnt' hurt it just makes the desire for harshness stronger.
the desire to be spanked into a sobbing little girl. completely surrendered. no fight left. tamed. broken.
Maybe
I want it as a release to all the anger and stubborness I have. A reason to stop fighting so hard to have things my way.
Maybe
I want it as a form of attention
Maybe
I want it as a form of control from those who take care of me/are in charge of me. to be made to obey
Maybe
I want it because it makes me feel safe, and loved. Someone cares about my safety and wellbeing enough to chastise me, to make me realize my mistakes.
Maybe
because on some level it arouses me. Being treated like a child while in an adult mindframe, in any fashion really is arousing.
and Perhaps...
It is all of the above and more. It fills some deep need that I have yet to discover. When I am pulled over and spanked hard to where I am bawling my eyes out, all I can think is I want it to stop. I kick and put up a struggle. but after I tire myself out, or give myself over to my tears and accept my fate, accept my wrong doing, I am filled with such a calmness, such a peace of mind and of spirit. And after cuddles and forgiveness, all troubles seem far away. my heart is light.
Its so odd. If i don't get it, Its almost constantly on my mind. If I do get it, I'm constantly begging to get out of the pain.
out of all of my obessions, diapers, AB stuff, ect.
this one makes no sense to me.

Simply just comment below and I will:

1. Tell you what animal/creature you remind me of :P
2. Tell you what color I think fits you :)
3. Tell you how I feel about you :3
4. Insult you XP
5. Tell you my favorite OC of yours. (If you have one... :3)
6. Tell you what season you remind me of :P
7. Tell you what food you smell like in my head X3
8. Think of a random nickname for you :3
9. Tell you what element you remind me of :P
10. Order you to put this in your journal without using the words 'tag' or 'dare' >:3