Copied from the journal of  ZenFetcher

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If you have 00-10 ... write [I'm a goody-goody]
If you have 11-20 ... write [I'm still a goody-goody]
If you have 21-30 ... write [I'm average]
If you have 31-40 ... write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have 41-50 ... write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have 51-60 ... write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have 61-70 ... write [I should be in jail]
If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]
If you have 81-90 ... write [I got a ticket to Hell]

HAVE YOU...

[x] smoked
[x] consumed alcohol
[ ] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[ ] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[ ] kissed someone of the same sex
[ ] had sex
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn
[x] bought porn
[ ] tried drugs

TOTAL SO FAR: 5

[x] taken painkillers
[ ] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[ ] snuck out of the house
[x] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone
[x] wished someone to die
[ ] seen someone die

TOTAL SO FAR: 12

[x] missed curfew
[ ] stayed out all night
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[x] been to a therapist
[ ] received a ticket
[ ] been to rehab
[x] dyed your hair
[ ] been in an accident
[ ] been to a club
[ ] been to a bar

TOTAL SO FAR: 16

[ ] been to a wild party
[ ] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[ ] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[ ] had a spring break in Florida
[x] sniffed anything
[ ] wore black nail polish
[ ] wore arm bands
[x] wore t-shirts with band names
[x] listened to rap
[ ] owned a 50 Cent CD

TOTAL SO FAR: 19

[ ] dressed girly
[x] dressed punk
[x] dressed grunge
[x] stole something
[ ] been too drunk to remember anything
[ ] blacked out
[x] fainted
[x] had a crush on a neighbour

TOTAL SO FAR: 24

[x] had a crush on a friend
[x] been to a concert
[ ] dry-humped someone; been dry humped
[ ] been called a slut
[ ] called someone a slut
[ ] installed speakers in a car
[x] broken a mirror
[ ] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
[ ] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush

TOTAL SO FAR: 27

[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper
[x] seen an R-rated movie
[x] skipped school
[x] had surgery
[x] had an injury
[x] gone to court
[ ] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping
[x] lied about your age

TOTAL SO FAR: 33

[ ] owned/rented an apartment/house
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence
[ ] made out with someone who had a GF/BF
[x] got in trouble with the police
[x] talked to a stranger
[x] hugged a stranger
[ ] kissed a stranger
[x] rode in the car with a stranger
[x] been harassed
[x] been verbally harassed

TOTAL SO FAR: 39

[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight
[x] been to a fair
[ ] been called a bad influence
[ ] drank and drove
[ ] prank-called someone
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite/same sex
[x] cheated on a test

TOTAL: 46 [I'm a very bad influence]

This meme grabbed from the journal of  Zen_Fetcher

I thought I'd try it, though I technically have more than one fursona in my head at the moment. But which one to do it for? ... let's flip a coin.. *gets coin*

Okay, heads will be Maxwell, and tails will be Tzolkin. *flips*.....It's Tails. So I guess I'll do Tzol for this one. I'm gonna focus on the old-school Y-13 version, because that's the version of him I like most at the moment. Yeah, I'm fickle.

---

1) What’s your fursona’s name and how did you come up with it?

Tzolkin. The name came from the Mayan calendar by the same name. At the time, Tzolkin was going to be a feral mouse in the MUCK I was joining, and I wanted a very exotic sounding name. Tzolkin was the first thing that came to mind that I liked the sound of.

2) What species is your fursona and why?

He's a house-cat. I chose it because I love cats, especially their personalities and fluffiness, the latter being something I long to have. He was a mouse at one time, but he outgrew that species, because in reality I only identified with mice because they seemed more cute, more like cats, than the alternative for the MUCK Tzol originated on.

3) Is your fursona based off a preexisting character? (Like a pikachu or renemon)

Nope. His fur pattern is vaguely similar to one of my cats though.

4) How old is your fursona and how long has it been since you created your fursona?

Tzolkin's age varies. He's typically either a teenager or young adult. I created him back in late 2004, so that makes almost 6 years, now.

5) Does your fursona have a background? If so, please share!

His background varies based on where he's showing up. In the Y-13 variant, he was a human boy who was taken away by a government organization. His DNA was mixed with that of an alien feline which had been captured by them, the specialized process rendering him an anthropomorph. From there he was likely given military and technical training. Things get sketchy after that.

6) What does your fursona wear?

Knee-length cargo shorts, sometimes an open-front jacket.

7) How do you relate to your fursona? Does he sound like you, look like you, act like you? Details please!

He acts and sounds a bit like me at times, but other than that, he's completely different. If you want to see a fursona who's more like me physically, you're probably looking for Maxwell. Even so, I relate to Tzol fairly well. He reminds me of something I could be.

8) Name one trait about your fursona you like the most and one trait you dislike the most.

I love how he makes no compromise or surrender to authority. He's completely free even when he's not. I don't like how slow he is to adapt, though. I've almost lost him several times because my personality changed faster than his, and I couldn't identify with him.

9) What is your reason for creating your fursona?

I wanted a character I could identify with. That's pretty much all there is to it. I wanted to be able to be myself through him, since RL circumstances wouldn't allow me to otherwise. People around me were very closed-minded when I started.

10) If you could become your fursona by tagging at least 10 people, would you do it?

Yes, I would. But only if those 10 people I tagged, and everyone else who ever did this meme, could become their fursonas if they chose, also. Power in numbers, you know, and we'd need a lot of anthros out there to prevent being exploited or abused by those who wouldn't consider us human.

Well, I'm back. The bus ride back was probably the most stressful part of the trip. Bleh, I crashed afterwards, thus the lateness.

To start off, the video room ran pretty smoothly. The filler-buffers I suggested saved us having to make up time too much and put us back on schedule even when we got off to a really late start setting up. Putting popcorn in the video room also seemed to be a success, though I have some suggestions for seasoning said popcorn for next time. Because we planned ahead, the movie selection attracted plenty of people, though we didn't fill the room. Maybe next year...

Anyway, after I got over being shy and worrying about my cat-side annoying people, I started having a good time. Apples to Apples is an awesome ice-breaker. I recommend a game of it for anyone who's usually shy at cons. I bought a few commissions from Kat Miller and picked up my badge from AnimeCat, all of which were adorable and surpassed any expectations I had. :)

The hotel, however, was even more shitty than last year. The renovations they'd put signs up for were almost never heard or seen, and the friggn place was falling apart. Plus, I think they have a bit of a mold problem. Several people at the con, myself included, started feeling ill while in the hotel, and we concluded it must be mold, since I developed a cough the moment I arrived, and someone had found black mold growing in their bathroom last year.

Good news, though! MFM is moving away from that hotel, to a new one in the nearby Olive Branch, Mississippi. It's a -really- nice place, worlds above what we dealt with this year, and is a private, groups-only conference center in a crime-free location. Its website is at www.wwconferencecenter.com for the curious.

It's quiet this year.. I've been helping to run the video room there, and this has caused me to wonder whether there's any chance I can go to any of the events. Which to be completely honest with everyone, leaves me kind of bored and depressed. I'm really not feeling the meaning of 'furry' this year. -__-;

It doesn't really help that I am awake before everyone else. It gets quiet, and since I'm the only one sleeping in the main area of the suite, I don't really know if they're still asleep or whether they've already left for elsewhere. I don't feel as much of a connection with people as I once did. It is like there is always something in or out of context that I missed, and actually being forward and curious makes me feel nosy and annoying.

It's so very frustrating.. This morning I was looking at the badge I commissioned, and wondering what my character would do.. how would he handle this? And most importantly, how would he handle it without looking like a total ass. Seriously, I've never felt this insecure in a long time. Help?

As of right now, I'm taking a partial hiatus from the 'net. I may or may not come online at the con. This is yet to be seen. But I won't be very active at all.

Oh, just sod it. Learning C++ on my own is such a huge hassle. I have the jist of the language but it doesn't do a darned bit of good without knowing what to write in it and how to arrange a program that is capable of doing it. I'm talking architecture, here. I think I need a real textbook...

Another thing I've been meaning to do is learn how to speak another language, like German, but typically, there is no-one to learn or speak it with, making such a feat very hard. And additionally, my interest in my fursuit project has picked up again, especially since my swatches arrived.

Lastly, I've began to do a little bit of sketching using my new tablet PC, which I'm still making small adjustments to in order to make it run faster. I did manage to get it so the pen will move around without lag, so I have pressure sensitivity in Paint.Net, but I need to figure out how to disable touch sensitivity temporarily, as it interferes when I'm using the pen, sometimes.

I'm also thinking about getting ArtRage, because it also supports my pen's API natively and I might want to paint or draw naturally, because in all honesty, this machine is what's taking the pain out of trying to draw.

So, those who know me well probably realized I was way out of balance a few weeks ago.. very strange feelings and situations..

.. I want to do it again. I totally feel like I'm out of my mind when I say that, but it's true. I want to fall through the cracks of my conscious persona and experience things the way I did several weeks ago. Furthermore, I want to gain the strength to retain whatever it was I found down there in the face of my mom's corrosive and sometimes vampiric mannerisms.

Have I just gotten used to the new energy-level and have again become distracted by things such as my mom's aforementioned mannerisms? What can I do to get back to where I was? I want to see and feel in depths, walk in two worlds as I was weeks ago, even if it means enduring more suffering to get there.

I am the crooked nose on the face of a materialist nation, blowing universe-snot on the manufacturers of bullshit, to which I am violently allergic.

Have a nice day!

For some reason, I feel extremely protective of the most recent character I've created. To a point where even sharing a pic with anyone other than a select group of friends for more than 5 minutes makes me unbelievably uncomfortable... at least for now.

Anyone had a similar sentiment towards a character of theirs?

You know what I just realized? This profoundness crap I've been trying to spin isn't working. XD It sounds too sermon-y. So I'm throwing it out. *crash*

Here's the new word.. Wanna help me mess with people's minds? Wanna help the world reach a spiritual tipping point? Wanna just plain have some FUN?

Well, here's a little something I cooked up while thinking over about 12 years worth of philosophical study, drawing from dreams I had when I was a little munchkin..

It's a night, like Halloween for instance (and symbolically that's not a bad day to do it), and in order to 'guide humanity back home', people light candles, sparklers, and all other manner of sparkly, glowy things. :D

And then, we go out into town, and have us a party, meet new people, meet old people, meet all kinds of people. And we do random nice things, because it's fun to watch people's expressions when suddenly the negative slant on their day is turned upside-down by a random person(s) they don't even know.

They might even decide to join the party, which means more people having fun while doing nice things. So basically, it's a festival about bringing light into darkness. Connecting people, overcoming differences, and building a sense of community. If you think about it, it would be quite an empowering festival for everyone involved.

So come on, lets do something like this. ^^ Being nice can be very fun, and it can get addicting too if you're in the right spirit.

To a world. To those of you who know me, and to those of you who don't. Even to those who will never hear me at all. I've spent a lot of time waiting. A lot of time hoping, holding back what I need to say, doubting that I'd ever be heard by anyone. One more class, one more worthless piece of paper, and I'll be ready. People will listen then. That's what I used to tell myself, knowing deep down that none of it would matter.

I've had a lot of time to think. Think, and watch those around me, whether it be in real life or online. It's a busy, blitzing world, full of constant stresses and endless mounds of paperwork. You have money, and jobs to make that money with.. and then things change, and all that starts going away. I can't help but wonder if we really need all of that. Could it be that we only cling to these things because we don't know what else to do? Are we all lost?

When people find themselves lost, disoriented, they cling to whatever seems familiar, even if it's only a figment of their imaginations. But I'm not here to tell people what they already know. And I'm sure everyone feels it, somewhere in their hearts. Something is missing, and no amount of work, or money, or any of the things we are taught seems to fill it. Often, not even the god(s) shoved into our lives by our religions fills that hole, even though they all assure us that it will.

I've been in that situation. Growing up Baptist, I was 'saved' and 'baptized' repeatedly, to no effect. A moment of acceptance here, another moment there. Then it was the same old drudgery. Getting mocked by the other children in Sunday school. To this day I have no idea why. Such was my life. Lost, alienated from everything and everyone. And so it seemed, there wasn't a scrap of love to be had.

Have I found some magic fix-all for that? Is that why I'm writing, now? No. I have no idea how to make that kind of pain go away. I'm still as lost as I ever was. And in that way, I can't be of any help to you at all. What I can do, is point you to where the love has gone.

It hasn't gone anywhere... As many of the displaced workers of this world have learned in recent times, there is a magic in reaching out to your fellow man. Something about being able to somehow make someone else's life a little better than when you found it, without any strings attached, that gives life a sense of purpose. This is where love is, in doing for others just because.

A little love, a little caring, is more powerful than any government, or any corporation. It can accomplish more in one day than all the money in the world. And it never fails, even when things seem impossible. Even when all seems lost.

I invite any who read this to help me remind the world that love is still out there. On dark, lonely nights, try lighting a candle to help guide home those who are lost in darkness. Seek out the lonely and frightened among you, and keep them close, for they are the most vulnerable. Every time you gather with others, remember the love that brought you together.

The darkest of days are then cause for celebration, not because of what happens, but because we all have each other, and through that power we can never fail.

In the dead of night, you will find me looking through the glowing window, searching.. reaching.. searching and reaching. My Unobtainium is elusive, but I can find it.. I will find it in the end.

So begins the journey of the summoning, calling forth those lost materials from the shadows.. rare and precious materials, which I can use to work my Craft. I have found them, and I will bring them to myself, and in these hallowed shadows I will create..

Tonight, I search, for by the time the sun sets between the sacred stones, a monster will be born.

I'm looking for a good artist with a semi-realistic 'graphic novel or manga' type style. The catch is, said artist must be proficient in both the drawing of humans and furry-type anthropomorphic critters, particularly of the feline-like persuasion.

If you're an artist who can do that and are interested in doing a little commission drawing for me, note me or reply to this journal and we can discuss details and price.

I'm just in an insane mood right now. Not the kind of mood for words at all really. But words will have to do. I suspect this is some kind of altered state of consciousness. I don't know from where it came, or why, but from here, I feel mad as a hatter, except full of bizarre philosophy.

How many people get into this kinda sh*t without knowing they're headed for it? My mind is absolutely overloaded, and I feel great! Except for the slight headache, that is.

So, how many?

I just thought I'd mention that my 21st birthday is coming up on the 6th of March. Which apparently in the US means the ability to legally attend wild parties. ;)

Anyway, to properly reflect yet another coming of age, I've been trying to redesign the feline anthromorph form of my namesake and furball persona, as one of you already knows. And with that is another futile attempt to revive the NIMHmuck character who started all this nonsense.

Yet I can't seems to decide on anything for my old 'fursona'. Maybe it's really time for a change. How do you change your entire online persona? Do you keep the same name and redesign everything else? Do you create a new character with a new name and let the old name act as a proxy?

Because I can never seem to get rid of the old me. People cling to it, and won't let me change...

Identifying marks erased. User tag-name deprecated.

While at MFM I got a feeling I needed to be over here, but didn't act until Timothy joined. One could say his joining up pushed me into it, but I'd like to say I did it just because..