It's really laughable how little I swing by here these days. Still this journal is a good way to vent & also hopefully inspire those that may need a bit of a boost. It's been a trying few years for so many. Troubles abound in this world. Hard to feel grateful for anything. No exception on my end. Learned earlier this week my shift as work is just going away starting this coming Monday. Have no clue what that means for me. No one is telling me anything. Will I be moved to 1st shift? Will I just be let go? Still don't know & not knowing is the worst part. Learned this morning that my dad has essentially what is called vascular dementia. Basically means he'll have more & more TIA episodes & his memory & cognitive function will continue to deteriorate. My 95 y/o grandmother also learned she has stage 3B kidney failure. Fortunately her medication is keeping them functioning enough not to need dialysis. Also I'm dealing with a bothersome sinus infection but have to go into work this evening, Starting early though at 3pm so should be done before midnight at least. My folks are coming up Friday to visit & we'll have a Thanksgiving dinner at Cracker Barrell since I'm off tomorrow.

So yeah not a set of circumstances one wants to face when entering the holiday season. This is not meant to be a pity party post for me though. As I state in the journal title, I am thankful despite all this. Simply because there's always something to be grateful for. Always something we've been blessed with. Funny story from last week. My nub-tailed mini panther Cecelia had a check-up at the vet. Her blood work came back with slightly elevated white blood cells & low platelet count. Nothing to be alarmed about. Just had to keep on eye on her & nothing's out of the ordinary. Vet told me it could be stress. I just had to laugh at that. She's lived quite the good life ever since she was placed on the stairs going down to my then apartment 7 years ago. She's not the only one blessed by that event. She came into my life at one of my lowest points in life. Was coming off severe depression. Didn't make any sense as I had then a very good job. Had a nice place & was really thriving on my own. Depression never makes sense though & it took a lot to pull out of it. Was so bad I had contemplated suicide a few times. Having Cecelia helped to lift me out of that with professional help & right medication as well but I just can't express how much it's helped having her. I've weather a lot of rough seas since 2021. Most of us did but I was able to find strength to push through it all simply by realizing I'm more blessed than I may think at times. Be strong my friends. Always find something to be grateful for. There's always something^^

Man there's a lot of cobwebs here! Though I've been mute here, there's been quite a lot going on with me. Quite a roller coaster ride these past 6 months but the good news is all is looking up. Have a new job as a Product Innovation Manager, fancy term for R&D really, where I get to put my experience in product development to help clients come up with new sauces, rubs, mixes, batters, etc...it's all pretty neat. Those that follow me on Twitter know it's gonna be the usual things involving food, swimming, biking, hiking, & all that...at least when I have the time to post a little something there. Oh well that's me in a nutshell so there. Maybe not everyone would agree but...being a food scientist pretty dang fun & interesting^^

...That being someone who can do it all. Just not possible no matter how much I wish it was. So hey yeah how's everyone. It's pretty obvious I'm not round these here parts much anymore. Nice to swing by & update things. Also it's a good place to vent. Been a very stressful week for me at work. It's something that doesn't happen too often there. Still loving what I do a lot. Just suffering a lot of growing pains there as we all are as business has been to say the least...epic!!! That's most definitely a good thing. It's an awesome thing but with that & the focus on complying with more & more regulations, my plate can be extremely full & it's difficult to prioritize things. Definitely never can do so to please everyone but I try my best. For the most part, I'm still greatly appreciated but...every so often my fellow employees can tend to forget I am but one person. My title as Quality Assurance Manager is kinda comical given the fact I pretty much am the Quality Assurance Department. It is for the most part a well oiled machine run skillfully by Me, Myself, & I. Thus is the drawback of being a part of a small business. I still take the pros over that one glaring con any day though! We've become such a tight knit family & I can wear multiple hats as it were & try my paw at more flavor compounding as well as assisting in R&D. Coworker made an awesome pear & onion pizza in the test kitchen today. Paired with this balsamic reduction it's like a choir of angels in my maw:9 Wasn't testing anything, it's just creative things we like to do on Fridays. I can't ignore the fact though that as more & more business comes our way, it will be necessary for an assistant to be hired for me. As much as I would love that though it would be a difficult transition as I've always been a doer not a delegator. Always been the type to just do things myself & if I can't get em done then I can be pretty hard on myself which is what made Wednesday & Thursday of the his week particularly brutal. I could adapt though. Heck I'm mostly coyote! All we do is adapt & thrive in whatever situation we find ourselves in.

Honestly it's not just work that's had me down a bit this past week. It's been so hard for me seeing friends going through such difficult times & me feeling so powerless to do much to help. I always want to make things right but it's just not possible to help everyone. I'm also bothered by the fact that one person I interacted with regularly in the past all of a sudden seems to want nothing to do with me & doesn't even have the decency to tell me what's up. For the life of me I can't figure it out as I never said or did anything hurtful to this individual. I know I should not let things like that bother me but it just does. I'm such a nice guy almost to a fault. I try my best to get along with everyone though that's a tough thing this day & time. Folks can be so petty nowadays about things & yeah it's pretty sad. Life goes on though & someday perhaps I will come across this person IRL & have a good chat with him & figure out what happened & become at the least good acquaintances. If not though, it's ok. It really is ok. They'll always be those who will never warm up to ya no matter how good a person you might be. Again I am who I am & I know that that's someone who can't do it all. Just need to become better at accepting that & move forward.

I'm horrible at updating here I know. Been a lot going on. I'll take all the craziness though as it sure beats the alternative. Back on Tuesday March 26th just prior to 7am up in Portsmouth, VA, an impatient driver ran a red light & slammed into my CMax at full speed. The impact was on the front left wheel well. Just a couple of feet back & it could've gone a whole lot worse. For almost 5 years, that car has served me faithfully. She's protected me well in 2 crashes. This last one up in VA being her final act. I'm gonna miss that car so much😢

https://plus.smilebox.com/play?g=dc.....4-a60d33460648

I feel I'm getting on a frequency of update journals of about twice a year:P Really I don't feel the need to update here so much as my furry art projects have been practically non-existent the past few years. It's just taking a lower priority but it's not been for anything catastrophic. Things for the most part have gone very well. Still liking my job a whole lot & it's going great. Still loving where I live & the friends I've made in the area of North Cobb/South Cherokee counties. It's great being fairly close to downtown Atlanta yet far enough away at the same time. Overall I can't complain. Back to art...it was a loss that got me into actually trying my paw at furry art myself. It was a great way to distract myself from grief. I find myself in a similar situation now with my mother having been diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer late last week. I can report though that the prognosis is very good. She will have to have a double mastectomy & reconstructive surgery. Still trying to get a date for that but it's looking more like the 2nd week of December. Radiation may be necessary but fortunately it looks like chemo will not be needed. Even with a very good prognosis, cancer is not the diagnosis one wants to get so close to the holidays. Christmas will be very different with mom going through the process of recovering. I pray she'll at least be home for Christmas. So I'm finding myself once again with the art bug. Recently purchased a Surface Pro. Been planning to do so for quite some time but decided to move ahead with it now since I can finance it at 0% for 2 years & since I have a decent raise coming up. It's pretty much a middle-of-the-road variant as its primary use will be for digital artwork & my financial software. Gaming will be strictly kept to the desktop PC rig I built last year as well as my Alienware laptop for my away-from-home gaming. The first thing I hope to accomplish once I get it is to complete the piece I've been working on & off with for years now that will serve as a decent reference pic for Cobalt. From then on we shall see. I have more than a few ideas running around my brain. The biggest thing I want to see accomplished though as we turn the calendar over to 2018 is to be able to declare mom is cancer-free. Be prayerful for me & most of all for my family. Especially my dad & my bro as they're gonna have to step up to the plate & take care of the house & her. As for me, I'll only be 2 hours away (on a good traffic day, rare around Atlanta) plus I do plan to call down home more regularly to check on things. Here's hoping all of y'all are dong well headed to December & may 2018 bring nothing but great things. Just remember that when challenges come, be strong & persevere. You're so much stronger than you may think. Cheers.

Hey all. No I'm not dead. Just very busy with this thing called life. Lots of stuff has happened this year so far. A lot of good & some bad. Wanted to touch on a few major points.

First the good news. Afterall whoever really wants to lead off with bad news?! Yesterday I officially began my 4th year with GSB & Associates Flavor Creators. It's still such a joy to be working there & I count myself very fortunate to have landed here. It is a rare thing these days to find work that one actually enjoys doing for a living. There are challenges still as with anything in this life but that only adds to the enjoyment IMO. Living in the North Atlanta area has been much better than I could have hoped for. I could do without the heavy traffic at times but overall, I'm very pleased.

It's traffic that brings me into the bad news section. Back on Easter Sunday while returning from my folk's place, I was rear-ended hard by a little Nissan Altima. My CMax faired very well considering the violence of the impact. It has since been repaired, at the other driver's insurance company's expense. I on the other hand have been dealing with a bad lower back/left hip as what has been deemed thus far as an indirect result of the accident. Something that didnt fully manifest itself till almost a full 2 weeks later. I'm slowly getting on the mend but early July is coming up too quick so I've made the tough decision not to travel to Pittsburgh for AC this year. I hate that it comes to this but I need to focus on getting better. That's priority #1. There'll always be future cons. This has come as a disappointment to some & I hate that & am very sorry. Understand though that I would not be able to fully enjoy the trip with continuing back problems & concerns looming over just how much in the end I may be set back financially by all this. That's all being worked out right now & it'll be a long process perhaps.

So those are the bullet points of the ups & downs of 2017 thus far. Overall though as I said, I still feel so blessed to be where I am now & am happy to state I can make the best of all situations. Be they good or bad.

Copying this from my Facebook post I made earlier. Feel some of y'all my need the encouragement. Well in truth, we all need encouragement. As long as we draw breath, we're always in need of encouragement.

The New Year always seems to start out this way. It’s so gray, damp, & cold. These are the observations I made yesterday morning as I was sitting on my porch greeting the morning. Got to thinking about just how bad it has to get at times before we see the sunshine of something truly wonderful coming into our lives. Four years ago at this time I was a wreck. Prospects for employment seemed so very grim. So much of me just wanted to give up on everything. To quit trying as it seemed the sun would never come out again. My situation would never get better & I felt like a piece of worthless trash that just needed to be tossed aside. I didn’t give up though. I fought through all the pain and hardships. Truthfully I couldn’t do it on my own. Had such a great & caring support group of family and friends. To many of them I was such a complete ass yet they didn’t give up on me. So I didn’t give up on myself. I kept looking for the next door or even window to open. I prayed for guidance. It all paid off in the end. It took quite a while but it all came together eventually for my good. Now I’m at a job I enjoy & the blessings keep on coming. I’m so grateful for what I have now but I won’t forget the struggle that preceded all this. We all have to stumble & fall at times to truly move forward. It is indeed possible to move forward. We don’t need to be bogged down in a swamp of hopelessness, addictions, & other unhealthy attachments to people or things. One just needs to keep on moving! Also don’t be ashamed or afraid to accept help from other people, churches, or any charitable organization. They’re in place to help lift us up & give us a necessary push. Do not, however, depend solely on external help to get beyond a bad situation. A lot of work still needs to come from you & you alone. It’s not easy. Lord knows I know it’s not easy. You just have to take it one day at a time. You must always be vigilant for the next opportunity that may come along. The most important thing to remember is to not give up. You’re so much stronger than you or others may think. As these thoughts were going through my head, the sun began to peek through the clouds. A very nice assurance that yes, no matter how gloomy & gray things may be right now, the sun will indeed come out again.

In other news I plan to re-record that rendition I made of I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day. Good friend of mine had some nice suggestions about how I could improve it some. It does need improvement. It's so funny to me, I have no issue with singing in front of folks but me being recorded while singing...I go into super self-conscious mode as well as perfectionist mode. Not a very good combination at all. Happy 2017 friends. Do your best to make it as awesome as possible:)

I almost want to just crawl into a cave for the rest of this year. More & more divisiveness & strife on the horizon. All these attacks, senseless police shootings, & the colossal joke of an election year...this will be a tough year to get through. The Pulse shooting is still on my mind. It seems so stupid to me to argue about what to call it. Was it terrorism? Absolutely it was. Any mass killing of this scale fits that category. Is it a hate crime? Absolutely. It be a hate crime if it were a nightclub filled mostly with straight people. It takes a lot of pure hatred to decide to murder innocent people for no good reason what-so-ever. Hate that I could never possess as a Christian & that is the God's honest truth.

There are some that think Christians are being persecuted here in the U.S. I strongly disagree considering there are places where being such is a death sentence. I don't see us getting that bad off. At least hopefully not in my lifetime. It is tough though to be one in this country. Pretty much difficult anywhere in the world as we are called to love & forgive one another. So difficult this is to do. Takes so much grace to be able to forgive the vilest, most hate-filled individuals. I couldn't imagine it. I just know it's possible as I've seen it done. Like the family of the victims slain in that Charleston church. It has to be done. Holding onto grudges just wears the bearer of it down eventually. It's not pretty when it does as it can lead some to be just as hate-filled as the perpetrators that have wronged them.

I certainly don't speak as someone high-&-mighty with all the answers. I know I don't know all the answers. Never claimed to. I've messed up so many times. Let myself get so caught up in my own desires & self-gratification that I've lost sight of my faith at times. I also realized with has had negative impacts on a few folks I have met. It's a main reason why I don't frequent this site much. Well that & being very busy with work/life & thus not completing much in the way of art. Been working on a piece for near on 2 months now & I just haven't gotten around to finishing it. But I digress. I am will always be a furry. That'll never change. I put the emphasis on Christian furry though...not furry Christian. My identity first & foremost is in Him & I'm doing my level best day in & day out to live that way. It means at times knowing when something has too much a hold on your life that you need to back away. In this world of instant info & gratification, it's easy to get carried away. Just remember to be true to who yourself & not what the world tells you is currently the "in"-thing to be.

Sharing my Facebook post here to offer up some encouragement for a Monday morning. Some of y'all may need that. That & lots of coffee:P Also my way of apologizing to those who three years ago I was a total ass to or pushed away. You do matter.

www.facebook.com/nsNWright79/posts/.....osts/10204577084667398

I honestly don't know why I keep this page going. It doesn't look like I'll ever be motivated to draw again. I don't see myself as anyone who should even be among the throng here. Back on weekend of the 18th, I attended ROFCON/FURSONACON up in Hampton, VA. Was great to hang with some dear friends & make an awesome new one. Even this small start-up fur con emphasized the fact that I just don't belong here. Honestly I don't mean this in a sad way even though at times it does make me feel sad & alone. No I won't ever fit in because my motivations for being a furry has changed.

You see when I first found furry, I dove headlong into it as a means of self-gratification & just escaping into my quirky desires. Was Just easy to do back then. A way to deal with so much hardship going on at the time. It was never enough though. The more I gave into my selfish, earthly desires, the worse off I felt. Yet I continued the cycle. At my weaker moments I find myself still in that vicious cycle. I'm better equipped to deal with it though in large part thanks to some awesome friends who had faced similar demons & have come through. They have served as an awesome reminder of what my focus should be. I needed to rekindle my faith in Christ again.

Faith can be such a hotbed issue in this fandom as it can be in this world. I for one feel being furry & being faithful is possible though admittedly difficult. Understand I'm not for forcing my beliefs on anyone. At the same time though, I refuse to hide it. My faith view may bring me in sharp contrast with most folks here. Shoot my faith views don't always align fully to those who also claim this faith. That's ok though. We can all still be civil & yet not agree. I know I can't convince everyone to join me on my faith journey. I'm lousy at convincing folks of much of anything. It's so wonder my Master's thesis got published😝 Still I always attempt to share my faith by being a good example of what it should look like. Giving my testimony to those curious to hear it. Also trying my best to answer questions about though I fully admit I don't know all the answers. Most likely won't this side of heaven. All I can do is live it out as best I can.

So am I writing all this to say I'm leaving FA or the fandom in general? I wonder that myself. If I feel called upon to do so, then I definitely will & with no announcement of it. I do wanna stick to it in some degree or another. I hope to one day get a nice Cobalt partial made to go with the awesome tail I have. Give suiting a shot. I'd like to use future opportunities to minister with a couple of friends within the fandom. It's not that I'm giving up on my more fluffy side. I just acknowledge that there's much more to me & I accept that as it stands right now, I'm more a misfit in this fandom. You know I'm really ok with that.

There's been some concern as to how I've been of late. I've been away from here for quite some time. Truth is all is not well. I'm feeling much like the representation of my character in my last submission ever completed. I'm in a real deep pit that was dug so deep mainly by my own doing. My usual I know best attitude when it comes to dealing with my haywire brain even though history has shown I don't know best how to treat & deal with this. I'm working now with the help of professionals, with my family, & close friends to climb back out. There are some days though I feel I'd rather the whole damn thing would cave in on me & that I might find eternal peace. No I'm not really suicidal. I don't literally want to die. It's just...I'd like for things to just pause for a bit. Life goes on however & I have to keep fighting, even if I don't want to. Some good has come of this though. It's helped redirect my focus on being a Christian Furry & not merely a Furry Christian. A good bit of y'all may not truly understand the difference but a few of you will. It's all about priorities & mine had not been right for a good while. At times it takes these times down in the pit or even severe personal tragedies for us to reach such realizations. So I haven't been very active here & truly I don't see myself being too active for quite some time.

Mainly a matter of motivation. Just don't feel as much joy with drawing right now despite I still want to get back to improving myself in that area. Can be tough though. I've made some improvements but it's difficult when it's just my drive only & no external encouragement or feedback. Now I know I'll probably never be a commission-quality artist as drawing is not a high focus in my life. Still it would be nice to know that there's some interest in me continuing to improve on drawing. I at times I'm not good at giving that encouragement myself so I probably shouldn't harp on it so much myself. Have a cool project idea I'd like to do with mugshots of a bunch of my friends on the radiation symbol sorta as a commemoration to the recent declassification of the beginnings of nuclear technology in the U.S. Had an uncle who was a big contributor to the Manhattan Project. A shame he died before now. It be cool to have heard the details he could've shared. This will probably stretch on for a long while but we shall see. I'll keep y'all posted.

So officially, I'm not attending FWA this year. That being said though, I will drive down to Atlanta after my morning hike as there's a few friends I've planned to meet. I'll be hanging around the hotel & Peachtree Center most the afternoon & perhaps early evening so if you're there & would like to meet up for a bit, best place to reach me is my Twitter handle CobaltTheCoyfox. There's also text for those who have my number. Here's hoping for awesome weather that weekend!

Something happened quite recently that has me in great need of letting my friends know how important they are to me. So many folks I’ve been around few friendships like the changing of seasons & passing of years. Friends come & go as we age. I get that. I really do. I’m nowhere near as close with the folks I grew up with & went through high school with as I used to be. Doesn’t mean I don’t care for them. Then again I tend to care about everyone. All those that have come into my life as well as those who want to distance themselves from me. This is what’s happened and I hold no ill will toward this person. I’m not angry with them in the least. Mostly I’m angry with myself because for the most part, it is my fault. I’m not perfect. I never claimed to be. I know I have my quirks & flaws. I can be inattentive & aloof. I can at times be overly playful & silly. I can unintentionally say or do things that may be construed as hurtful or overly critical. I can also have anger issues as well as other emotional issues. I’m not the most socially gifted person. I could go on and on. One big thing though that some this day & age my see as a flaw is my big heart & my attempt to be as nice a guy to all as I can. That’s one flaw I don’t mind being saddled with truthfully. Means I’m living my life like I think I should as well as my personal walk of faith like I should.


Timing of this all really sucks no question. Have Valentine’s Day tomorrow & my 32nd Birthday Monday. Not that Valentine’s Day is all that depressing to me anymore. It very well could be given my history. So many times I thought I found her, that one for me only to have it fall away. I admit not so long ago I was really wondering if I was looking to the wrong gender for my soulmate. I knew better though. My heart’s always skipped a beat around the fairer sex & despite the track record of them tearing my heart in two; I don’t see that ever changing. I’ve grown more & more accepting though of my singleness over the years much thanks to my faith & my best friend. Admittedly though, with birthday 32 on the horizon, the clock is ticking louder in my brain. There’s still so much a part of me that believes my life is meaningless without the love of a woman. Without that bond, there’s just no purpose it seems. There must be though. I’m on this earth for a reason. Both I & my twin bro shouldn’t really be here now. We overcame a few long odds coming into this world. I often regret not having more siblings but after us sadly, there could be no more in our little family. I’m here though. I’m also doing real well for myself after a few rough starts after high school & college. There is purpose &, perhaps, there’s someone meant for me just around the bend. I’ll know it when I find it. It’s just a matter of never giving up & being open to the opportunities when they arise.


In closing, I just have to say thank you to all those wonderful friends who’ve put up with me & have stuck by me despite my many flaws. To those who feel extra alone this time of year, I’m letting you know right now I care about you & pray for better things to come your way. Be sure to be happy in what you do have. True friends are indeed one of God’s greatest gifts. Don’t ever take that for granted.

Not really planning to do much for this Super Bowl. Really don't like either team. The people I'd like most to hang with are so far away as well. Not that I haven't had invites to some small gatherings here. Unfortunately there's a lot of tasks I want to hit the ground running with tomorrow morning at work that didn't get done Friday. Speaking of Monday, I could use all the good thoughts & prayers for around 2 p.m. Monday afternoon. Family member will be having a CAT SCAN then & I'll be on pins & needles till results are known. That's all I want to share on this at this point. Just be mindful of me tomorrow. Also if I may be a bit more edgy than usual throughout the week, that's why.

On a happier note, I turn 32 the 16th of this month. Have a few mixed feelings on that but I assure you the majority of them are good. That though is for another journal. Have a good week all. Peace to you.

Haven't posted one of thses in a while. Haven't done much with this site in a long while except for icon change. Hope to change that tomorrow. We shall see. I'm thankful for the handful of folks who encourage me to continue to work on improving my art skills even when my motivation to do so is so poor or simply made a bottom-of-the-barrel priority.

Christmas Eve & I'm a mess of emotions this morning. Missing my good friends I just visited. Looking forward to other good friend's visit next week. Glad to be at home with my loving family for Christmas but feeling like such a careless Scrooge for getting 0 Christmas cards delivered this year. It's not always the easiest thing for me to express gratitude but I am appreciative for all who have come into my life in the past few years, be it mere online acquaintances to those I consider as close to me as a sibling. Everyone in my life is important & special to me in their own way & though I don't always show it, I'm appreciative of you.

It's my hope you all have a wonderful holiday with rest & good times with those you love most. May the year 2015 bring prosperity but most importantly peace. Not just peace in the sense of lack of conflicts but also peace in finding contentment in whatever your current location on life's path is. For with contentment, guidance can easily come & help us move forward to bigger & brighter possibilities for us to embrace. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

A lot I could say. Keeping it simple though. Besides passing judgement without ALL the facts is not my thing. You know the great Dr. Martin Luther King put it best when he discussed his dream. Sure most all of y'all are familiar with it. Thing about it is, it doesn't have to be just a dream. It could be reality. It's gonna take a lot of work though.....from Everyone!

From whites & from colored
From men & women
From Jew & Muslim
From Christian & Atheist
From Straights & LBGTs

What I'm basically saying is, it's time to end all the Us vs. Them bullshit! All it does is create more violence & spur on divisions. Quite frankly, I'm fed up with all the division in this world. Someday though it'll be better. At the very least it will once I'm dead & gone.

Gonna keep this short and sweet. Starting June, 16th, maybe sooner, I will be a QA/QC Technician for BSG & Associates. This is a family run company that specialize in making custom flavors for the food, beverage, and pharmaceutical industries. Have the opportunity to be a flavor chemist there as well if I so choose. Could be fun! So stoked to becoming a part of this family^^

I really need to explain myself to a few of you. I've caused some concern on FB and twitter back on Saturday. Won't sugar coat it. I was in a very dark and scary place mentally that day. As a few of you already know, it hasn't much been a good 2013 for me aside from graduating from UGA with my Master's in Food Science and passing the Certified Food Scientist exam first time through. The last 2-3 months have been marked mostly with great frustration with a fruitless job search and a break up. This Christmas season, a time I mostly am able to always be joyful and happy no matter what the previous months have brought, was one of great pain and sorrow. So many deaths came right around Christmas. Illness also took over the entire family. The Saturday before Christmas I caught a cold that my brother had brought back with him from work. Dad would later contract the flu from physical therapy. I am thankful btw that dad is finally at the stage where he can do physical therapy. He got the flu and I picked it up just as I was about over the cold. That's what I'm suffering through now. The scariest thing though was this Saturday when after a heated arguement with my father, I went on a drive to go pick up some things and just...get away and the thought crossed my mind more than once to just wrap my car around a telephone pole and be done with all this pain and frustration. Not really sure if I particularly wanted death insomuch as I just wanted to put everything on pause. Just perhaps leave consciousness for a few days and...just escape. Of course purposely doing such an act as that with one's vehicle almost always results in death so to have that thought even cross my mind scared me. I did get my errands run and got back home safely and just broke down. I knew I had reached a very dark point in my life. Last time this happened was 2004 and like I did then, I knew I had to do more than just the mere counseling that I had been doing. I knew I'd have to go back on my meds. I had been off the Zoloft for over 6 months and for the most part I felt I was doing fine and really I was so long as I had focus. I was focused on my thesis I would be defending in July. I was also focused on that month for the trip to Chicago. So much was going on plus I had many awesome friends in Athens I could spend a great deal of time with. Now back here at home, I don't have that and the focus was being lost as my persistent job hunt continued to go nowhere. I was starting to lash out at my own family. Taking out all my frustrations on them because they were there. I've never been a patient person. That goes all the way back to when I was in the darn womb! I'm a lot like my late grandfather in a lot ways. If something went wrong though, especially many things at once, folks around me knew it. Anger and patience are things I sorely need to take control of this new year and I'm hoping that getting back on my Zoloft will help keep me more stable. Keep me from exploding with rage at the folks I care the most about. I had joked with my best friend the other day that I may as well put a wedding veil on the darn Zoloft bottle because it sure is looking like till death do us part right now:P I said that not so much out of anger but more in a somewhat half-hearted attempt to make light of the situation. I mean if I have to stay on this stuff for my whole life and it's all I ever have to take on a regular basis here on out then that's not really such a bad thing. It sure beats the alternative which I fear could ultimately lead to me harming myself or others. My biggest fear about being on this stuff again is gaining all the 20+ pounds I've managed to loose in the past 3 months. It is something that tends to happen with this particular medicine but if I stay disciplined with my better eating habits and regular workouts, I could probably still maintain a healthy weight and perhaps still even lose and additional 15-20 pounds. I probably still will be losing weight this week and the next because of this flu and how it's cut my appetite. That's pretty much how my last few days of this year have been going. Quite frankly I'm so ready for 2014. I'm ready for a new start. I don't want to say too much and jinx it but there is a strong chance I'll have employment once again with UGA's Griffin campus doing work with their FoodPIC initiative. There are 5 projects waiting to be green lighted and if they are, it'll likely happen sometime early in the new year. This would give me 6 months to a year of income that will help me save up for that wonderful day when I finally land a permanent job in my field and need to move and get settled in to wherever the road of life takes me. I have faith that all will work out in 2014 and things will greatly improve for the better. When times are tough and one is at their lowest point they feel they can go, then all that's left to begin the arduous climb back up is faith. Prayers for a blessed 2014 for all.

As y'all may have seen by now, I've been working on art again. Mainly because I've truly missed it and also to help me through this difficult chapter in my life. Unfortunately it didn't stave off a bad breakdown that occurred late last night/early this morning. Fortunately not so bad to have to be transported to the nearest psych ward but it was a tough night, especially with my dad also not doing well at all. As such, I still plan to do more art but I will not be posting here as I've decided to take time away from the internet for rest of the week and maybe longer to try and focus on getting better. I still may check FB and Twitter on occasion to see how everything is with everyone but for the most part, I need to unplug.

As for my friends up in Athens, I am hoping to plan a little something with y'all the weekend of December 6th and 7th. Reason for this is I want to go to Athens to see the Christmas cantata performed at the church I attended while in Athens. Thought it may be a good idea to make a weekend out of it and it's my hope that I see many of you then because I do miss y'all lots. I don't say it enough but I appreciate all y'all and I enjoyed my time with y'all in Athens. Plan to send out a text with more details and to see who specifically would be available sometime most likely the middle of the week. Hope that'll be a weekend that will work for y'all.

This applies to a lot of things, especially the heart. It may take a long long time and a ton of effort but in time, even a broken heart can mend. My heart was broken back on Saturday evening. It's not the first time and it may not be the last time unless I just completely give up on finding love. That just can't be an option. We miss out on way too much if we try and avoid the pain of a broken heart. Nothing is ever gained if we don't take that chance. Yes we may have our hearts busted wide open but also we may just find something very very special. Steph wasn't that special someone after all but for the chance I had at getting to know her and spend time with her, I'd do it all again because she'll always be a good friend. Is there a chance things will change and she'll be willing to be more than just that? Perhaps but for now I must move on from this. A lot of things need to be dealt with. Still have to find a steady job and with that a new place to get rooted and start down the right path meant for me in life. With God's help, I hope to find that path soon.

It's kinda a weird state where I am in life right now. I'm having just a bit of a time finding my bearings for my life's path. Pretty scary. What I do know though after a visit last weekend with my good friend Earl and his wife is that my path needs to be out of Georgia. Ideally I would love to end up working in the VA Tidewater area closer to Earl and Steph so I can hang more with the guy who's really helped me to be able to accept my furry side and embrace while maintaining my faith and values that are so characteristic of myself. This dude's been like the quirky older brother I was never blessed with. But ultimately I'll go where I'm led and that will be determined by the career path I end up on. Wednesday of next week I have a telephone interview with a company in Baltimore. On top of that I have several applications out in various locales from Memphis over to VA/NC/SC and yes, GA too. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to the fact that part of where I wanna end up at also depends on where my current love interest Steph Mako ends up. Last I spoke with her, it was looking like the Atlanta she thought for sure she would get after her Napa Valley internship was complete is not so certain as it once was. Hopefully that's still a possibility but if not, well maybe she could get a job with Williamsburg Winery. That's assuming I can get on with the coffee manufacturer in Suffolk that opened recently and I applied to yesterday. That would be the most perfect scenario. But life isn't always about the perfect scenario. In fact it most of the time is not but lots of times the places we end up at turn out to be exactly where we needed to be all along. It's funny how life can work out like that at times.

Well that above is the most pressing update with my life. As far as for me and this site well, quite frankly, I haven't been frequenting it a whole lot and I don't really see that changing much in the next year or so. It might. If I can get settled into a new career and a new place quite nicely, I may take up drawing once again and hone my skills at it. It just hasn't been a priority of late despite the deep passion in the recesses of my mind to resume making art and getting better and better with every attempt. Would still like to have some artwork done either my me or commissioned for my secondary otter character but beyond that, I don't see developing him out much more. Mainly because my take of being furry is having a furry projection of oneself and that's what Cobalt has been for me warts and all. One thing I'd really love to do is a full body true from of my fursona based on my body type. Naturally though I'd like to wait till my belly gets a little less flabby:P I'm a certified lifeguard and I have a pretty good body for that except for the gut which it's my fault it got away from me but I've begun to limit my portions greatly and continue the workouts and hopefully by Christmas, I'll be more in line with the bod I want and hopefully that won't be the only thing that will have fallen into place by then.

Hey all my fave fuzzies here. It's been quite a long while since I've posted anything here. Even checking back here on FA has been more few and far between. A lot has been going on. Mostly good now that I can look back on things and take a nice deep breath but still a long way to go and a vast amount of uncertainty to claw my way through. This Friday I will be graduating from UGA with my MS in Food Science. Something I didn't think I'd ever do and really planned on doing but I was lead to do this and I think overall it was what I needed to do. As with a lot of things, time will tell if this was truly the road to go down. I have some idea of where I want to go next. For the short term it'll be back to my hometown where I've lined up some oddjobs for the month of August. During this time I'll be pursuing a couple of career leads and look into some new ones I've come across. Here's hoping by the end of August, I know where the next stop is for me.

For now though, it's the end of my run here in Athens. So many friends I've made while here of both the furry and the non-furry persuasion. I will miss all the folks I've come across here. I'd mention each and everyone if time permitted and if risk of crying didn't become so dang strong for me. I'm not all that good at goodbye. Especially these days as I try to be a better person than I was in the past at maintaining connections with friends and not letting them drift from my mind. It's already been tough as there's a few I've gotten to know that have gone and I didn't get to hang with em one last time because of being so busy the past couple of months. I really need to plan something with the folks still here in Athens this week before Friday because Friday morning I graduate and then soon after I leave Athens. Seems like so little time as this week flies on by but if I don't get to say my goodbyes to all the furs here I've met, please know that you've really helped to make an overall awesome two years in Athens even better and I'll never forget it. It's my hope that paths will cross again. There's always future conventions and the like so I'll try and stay in touch. Well I best get back to work for now. Later.

I'm gonna try my darndest to make this concise and organized. Gonna be pretty dang hard not to ramble. So let's do this day by day.

Thursday Day 1:

Can't really call this a day really. I set out from Athens late at around 7:30 p.m. Had put in a full day of research prior to stopping by the apartment to pack. The drive was fairly mundane until I got closer to Atlanta. Though there was a lot of traffic, it was flowing well. My roommate for the weekend  LeviWolstrom had gotten their and checked in well before I did. I got there around 9:30. Took me a while to find parking. Got stuff up to the room and then registered and bumming around a bit. Getting the layout of the convention floors and seeing how many folks I could run into. Found  Rivard and chatted with him a little bit. Then it was up to the room. Ended up going to bed early from the exhaustion of the workday and the drive from Athens.

Friday Day 2:

This was a bit more eventful. My roomie Luke found a place to get a nice breakfast. It was the Corner Bakery just down Peachtree St. a block or so. It was good indeed. Then I attended the poker panel that was being held at 11:00 a.m. Why? Well because I had agreed to offer a ride up to Sandy Springs for a lunch at Genghis Grill. Thus began what I dub TrafficCon2013:P Yeah if I do this lunch trip the next time, we're using Marta. Say what you will bout it, in this instance, it would've truly been smarta:P So anyway a group of us went up there in 2 vehicles, Ole Bacon being one of em. Group consisted of  dizfoley,  huscoon,  November, and also few more of their friends. I had never been to this place before. I don't make a habit of driving in Atlanta traffic to meet up for lunch with folks I've barely just met. Only for other furries:P It was so nice though. I thoroughly enjoyed it^^ Upon returning, I picked up my awesome commissioned FWA badge from the equally awesome  Mahrkale! Glad to have finally met her in person. I crossed paths regularly with two artists I'm very fond of and met a third one that I'm becoming fond of. Those being  dingoroo,  RemyWolf, and  agent_blayze respectively. Dingo seemed to live in the Artist Alley:P Got a cute sketch commission from him and a button commission from Blayze on the last day. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Was late Friday into early Saturday that I imbibed the most. Attended Lupine Silver's room party and got to mingle with a fair crowd of furs. Mostly chatted it up more with Rivard. He's a great otter to know:3

Saturday Day 3:

Though my visits with them scattered over all the days, my focus on my local Athens fur crew will be covered here. The previous day  zip-the-fox arrived with his better fox half  LeoRenard. They're so cute together it's almost nauseating:P Yet I hung with em a fair bit and even after the con was through as they joined me for a swim this past Monday. Also hung out sporadically with  CurlyFryHusky He was the first one I saw of the group as he was working the shop Thursday eve when I registered. I can't forget  Kami_Yama Between him, Zip, and Leo, I ended up bouncing to many different rooms and meeting many different furs. Also with Kami I rekindled my long dormant flame for classic arcade fighter games in the video game room:3 Let's see...oh yes there's the ever zany  MilkBoneUnderwear Was nice to finally hug him while he was Alec or as he was known for this con Jefferson Steel...something or another. Dang 30 y/o poor memory:P:P Which brings me to the fursuit parade which Luke participated in. Got a couple of photos of him wearing Levi that I may share later on. Also got to meet  Havik and yes...I got me a  WolfPupTK hug as well^^

Sunday Day 4 The Final Day:

Don't think I could have asked for a better day. Started with a nice breakfast at Metro Cafe. I had wanted to do Corner Bakery again but I failed to realize it was Sunday and they were closed. Blayze to the rescue though. I invited her to join me and Luke for breakfast and when we learned Corner Bakery was closed, she suggested Metro Cafe. Good choice. That was a nice breakfast. We were also joined by a friend of Luke's from SC. Afterwards I packed up and took some final strolls of the convention grounds. Got artwork from Dingo and Blayze as mentioned earlier. Got to say farewell to Rivard and to  tiggy. I'd met him first time on Saturday. Never got to sit down and have a nice long talk about Tim a.k.a. Cyrus/LemonadeCoyote. It was my hope to meet him at this con but life had a different plan. Also got to come across  TriggerFox I literally almost ran into him as he was posing for pictures wearing Jack. Nice I got to shake paws with him. Didn't have a chance to chat long for me and Kami were going up to the observation deck on the 72nd floor. There were took in the view and took some photos and closed out the con in good fashion. We parted ways and then I got to my car and started for Athens around 6:30, tears already welling up in my misty eyes.

Hey all. No this is not my FWA write up. Swear I'll get one out eventually this week. I'm writing this to plug a friend of mine who I had the pleasure to get to know more at FWA this year. She's  agent_blayze here on FA and she's selling some of the yarn tails she has leftover after the con. Now I love my big, insanely fluffy yotefox tail I have now but you can't drive with it or sit comfortably with it because of how big and cumbersome it can be. Not the case with Blayze's yarn tails. She also has em in smaller sizes for keyrings up to sizes for bags and whatnot. Check her journal out here...https://www.furaffinity.net/view/10167752/

So much to say. So so so so so much. But way too tired from drive. Will have more to say later:P