Goodness. Time pass. Many moons. Season change. Uggh ungha bunga.

Been doing my own thing lately, not too much artistic stuff. Hope everyone's doing as well as can be...know things aren't easy, and are inclined to get tougher going forward, so keep doing what you can to take care of yourself, and others when and where you can. Be safe, and try to have a bit of fun along the way. It's the usual positivity stuff I say, but perspective matters: seeing things from a new perspective opens up opportunities that may not have been visible before.

I feel like that's actually a really fun title for a journal, wish this one were more exciting to deserve it, but I'm not gonna wait until next January to use it, lol. Anyway, I felt December's diary was rather dour, so I wanted to make this one just to say things are good on my end and all that. Here's some things going on:

VRChat
I've been socializing a bit more on VRChat lately. I still recommend it (despite having issues with the current owners of VRChat and the direction the program has gone since it first came out), as it's a powerful tool for integrating with others, engaging in social activities, and simply expressing yourself.

Ideally, everyone would have their own avatar that fits their identity, but custom avatars aren't always available to everyone. Yet, we all change over time, so remember your avatar can just be a placeholder for now, and what really matters is how you communicate! Consider looking into VRChat if it's something you're comfortable with: you don't need a VR headset to play, and they've introduced a Chatbox feature that lets you talk without a microphone.

You can find my profile here: Beastman. I'm trying to keep my 'Status' up-to-date, so if you see something like "Open to Visitors", feel free to invite yourself over and meet me for a few! No pressure, no obligation—I'm also not holding myself to any commitment, but I am trying to opening myself up a bit to hangouts with folks (like you!) who might be interested in that sorta thing.

Art Stuff
Getting back on VRC re-motivated me to hop into Daz Studio, Blender, Photoshop, and Unity, which has sparked my artistic instincts again...until I got an e-mail from Adobe saying they were raising the price on my Photography Bundle subscription from $10 a month to $15 a month, unless I paid annually by my month's expiration date. I tried paying annually, but it said "you can't buy this, you already own this", thus breaking their own word on the issue...but isn't it worse that they can just increase their subscription cost with no legal barriers? Basically "non-response is implied consent," like, where the fuck else would that be legally justifiable?

Despising Adobe enough already, my tolerance threshold was officially crossed, and I decided to finally make the switch to something else. After testing a few applications, I've settled on training myself in Affinity Photo. It's gonna take me some time, but once I'm comfortable using it, I'll be jumping back into render and comic art. I want to finish the two comics in progress I have, and thankfully they're in early enough stages where there won't be an issue moving them from Photoshop to Affinity Photo.

If you're in a similar situation, I can recommend Affinity Photo even this early on in my own experience. The interface and shortcuts are very similar to Photoshop, and with a bit of customization, the workflow you're accustomed to will probably start to feel pretty natural pretty quickly. They have a 7-Day Trial, and the software doesn't have a subscription: pay once, and you're done. It was about $70 when I bought it. Just make sure you're getting the right product—Affinity Design is for Vector graphics, and Affinity Photo is for general photo editing. That means if you want something equivalent to Photoshop Suite, you'll probably want to pay more for the whole Affinity package...but again, it's the cost of one-time-purchase versus sneakily accumulating subscription costs.

Writing
Also on the $70 software train, I discovered Scrivener. It's like OneNote, but functional, and designed for writers! If you enjoy creative writing, but also organization, it's a really handy program. They have a month long free trial, so give it a go if you want! I'm having a lotta fun using it, and it's much easier than having Microsoft Word, Notepad, and multiple folders all open at the same time—within Scrivener, I have folders of organized resources, index cards I can use for quick reference, the main document/manuscript, notes, images and tags that all help me stay on-track, without being so overwhelming it distracts from my creative writing, or so simple that I gotta run a bunch of other applications.

Final Woop
And that's really about it. I've got other things going on, winter is in full swing so I'm often in the mountains or snowboarding. But for now, my gears are shifting this week to early spring cleaning, learning Affinity Photo, organizing my harddrive to have a fresh start for rendering, and hanging out virtually where I can.

Hope you are doing as groovy as can be, but like folks told me with my last journal, make sure to keep taking care of yourself. We can get through a lotta stuff together, but you'll often need to be able to stand on your own feet to help others up or forward. Doing what you gotta do starts with knowing that you can. Set goals you know you can reach, and you'll always be able to reach your goals. But don't be afraid to challenge yourself when it's safe and affordable to do so.

Been doing my own thing lately. My render projects have still been set aside as I've worked on some personal goals—got other hobbies I've been giving attention to. I have been dabbling in a bit of creative writing, short-form stuff just to improve my skill and fulfill some creative desires. If I complete anything, I'll share it.

Honestly, a lot has happened, especially here in the US, obviously. Tough times ahead. I'm encouraging myself to mentally prepare for the unknown. Art has been my escape for many years, but some things we just have to deal with. Improve what we can, change when we need to. I've been changing myself a bit over the past year. We'll see where it takes me.

When it comes to the status of art projects, my previous journals are fairly unchanged. Just haven't been touching the old stuff, with all the other things I've been focused on. We'll see what the future brings: a return to fantasy worlds, as a temporary escape from the real one, might be needed at some point.

I'll be around, but might continue be fairly quiet on the art front. Keep taking care of yourself, help take care of others if you can. Hold on to your community, and stay strong together.

Finally, a taste of autumn weather! A cool breezy day, warm in the sun, a slight chill in the shade. I hope it lasts.

Getting a lot of routines going, so my schedule is pretty stuffed. Fitness stuff is taking priority right now, followed by Super Secret Project, then Ren Faire (which is in...a month), and then Halloween (which is in...two months, because that's how calendars work), and then Comics.

...so...yeah, nothing new, comics will be delayed a bit more. If I make headway on Super Secret Project, it might catch people by surprise and hopefully be good, we'll see what comes of it.

Anyway, truncating everything into a super brief format like that...I don't have much more to add to this journal. So...huh, it's kinda short...hmm...oh, go watch Danger 5 on Youtube, you can find full episodes (or even both full seasons) uploaded. Look into it at least, it's a lot of fun.

Wow, four months since my last journal. Oof.

I'm still looking to do some personal travel throughout the year, but I'm done with performance stuff until late September/October. The Oregon Renaissance Faire was fun (aside from the days it was +85°F), and I really gave it my all. I'll have to think about if I want to do it again next year.

But that's a relatively long-term goal for me. Right now, I got other things I want to do, projects I want to focus on. I haven't rendered a lot lately, I've spent a little bit more time writing, and a lot more time gaming. But most importantly, I've spent a chunk of time doing chores; especially cleaning!

I've finally organized all my personal stuff—$150 at Lowes and I got ten big sized cargo containers to organize my belongings; gear, tools, supplies, etcetera. I've made some real progress on deep cleaning the home, and I need to finish that so I can organize a bit more, and then I will have a fully configured bachelor pad to be proud of again. Lessons learned:

► All it takes is a small amount of progress to start: if you can gather your things and see the results of even a little bit of cleaning, it can be a big motivation to keep things going.

► Little things add up, and big things are dismantled in sections. Cleaning the room is a big thing, but it's usually smaller belongings that contribute to clutter. I sort my stuff into categories: "clothing and accessories", "food and medicine", "technology and hardware", "hobby equipment and tools", and "miscellaneous odds and ends". I then get a container and carry it with me, walking around the room and focusing on gathering only one category at a time. All it takes is walking around the room five times, and suddenly it's looking a whole lot cleaner!! Now I just have to sort the container stuff (I prefer sorting by "most often used" first, and breaking it down from there).

► A lot of us get that peer-pressured "Oh snap someone's coming over today, I have 3 hours to completely clean the place/hide the mess" feeling, and that "last minute before it's due" approach can be both highly stressful, yet highly productive! If you get the impulse to do things like that, take advantage of it! Maybe plan ahead, too—even something like having a special music playlist ready to go to help motivate you might help. Or maybe you want a playlist that just makes you feel good, and takes away from the special "it's cleaning time" attitude, because you like your schedule to be normal and free-flowing and not be pressured by the feeling of a special occasion!

► Otherwise, remember it usually doesn't all have to be done at once. If the all-in-one-go vibe doesn't happen often, or if it just doesn't appeal to you, try segmenting the task: "I want a clean bathroom. Today: pull the towels and clothes for washing. Tomorrow, pick up any trash and put all bathroom utensils into a container for sorting. Next day, dust-down everything, and wipe down surfaces. Next day, take out the bathroom utensils most often used, and place them where they belong. Final day: Toss what isn't needed, or put it in a place for long-term storage."

► Minor maintenance and adjustments: sometimes after I finish cooking a meal, I just wanna sit down and eat—leaving dishes for later, and maybe forgetting to do them. Or, like this morning, I made some food in the pan, transferred it to the plate, and realized I still had to wait a minute on the toaster. But in that one minute, I was able to wash the pan and utensils I used for cooking, and even wiped down the counter real quick! It was a satisfying feeling turning to look at the kitchen and seeing it all clean—and made the meal all the better. You don't have to optimize every second of your day, but if you find you have even just a minute of time, look around for something small to take care of: clean a dirty dish, or put away a clean dish, wipe down the counter—little, tiny, momentary things that make a visible difference and contribute to an easier clean later on!

► Changing your environment can help change you. If you have goals you want to reach, or an image you want to maintain, it's true it all starts with internal changes, changing your mind in order to take actions that'll push you towards your goals—but it's also true that your environment plays a huge role in how you perceive things. So change up your environment so that when you see it, you're reminded of who you are, who you want to be, and what one-minute task you can do to help you reach that goal!

We all gotta do chores, and sometimes the day-to-day adds up. As it does, we're often left feeling unbalanced or unstable, and it can be hard getting back to a level foundation: being in a rush because you can't find a specific piece of clothing, seeing the stagnation reflected in a messy kitchen or other room, or feeling a sense of gloom because the literal curtains have been shut for weeks—all these moments are caused by a lack of foundation, or a foundation that's inherently uneven. While a messy workspace might be a sign indicating that you're deeply involved in a particular hobby, trade or interest, it does highlight that you prioritize that interest above others.

So consider what you're prioritizing, and think about how you feel. If you find that you don't feel the way you want to, try looking around at external things you can change, to make changes on the inside just a little bit easier!

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How do you feel about all that stuff I rambled above above? Do you feel it's helpful? Or do you feel like it's a injection of positivity as welcome as a sudden sneaky ad-read in a Youtube video? In any case, all that stuff up there is just a summary of how I feel, and some of the things I'm doing or thinking of to help me reach my own goals. But I know I'm not alone in doing that. There's a lot of self-help books out there, and I think it's easy to "feel above" reading any of them. But reading is important, and so if you don't want to read what others are offering, maybe try writing your own thoughts, reading them back to yourself, and getting to know yourself and your way of thinking a little better!

Oh, art—right, the thing this site is about.

Arkhan's Adventure: Comic, currently about 40% done.
Caught off-guard by his own desires, Orc Cleric Arkhan seeks help before venturing beyond the walls of the town he was raised in, traveling to parts unknown, and encountering others who motivate him to discover the true nature of his identity.
Rendering: 60%
Script: 100%
Post: 20%

Braunoir: Comic, currently about 50% done.
Braun is a modern Orc and street-level crime fighter living in a world of superheroes and supervillains. When he encounters an opponent with powers beyond what he can handle, he's forced to evaluate what his goals and interests really are...
Rendering: 75%
Script: 70%
Post: 30%

Of Might and Muscle: Comic, currently about lmao% done.
Brokul the Orc has traveled to the Western Lands on a mission both personal and professional, seeking to discover new races and cultures to enjoy the pleasure of wrestling with, while getting caught up in affairs far beyond his own reckoning...
Rendering: 8%
Script: 10%
Post: 1%
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Other things:
• Gender Studies: I've made little profiles of many of my Fantasy characters, and shared them on Bluesky (@UndercoverBeast) and Twitter (@ScretAgentBeast) for Pride Month (June, 2024). If you're interested in learning a bit more about those characters, check them out! I also put out a short message for Pride Month you can read if you'd like.

• Solo Renders: With summer here and a shift in my goals, I've fallen in love with my character Gavin the Bigfoot. For the time being, he's my spirit animal, and I'd like to render him.

• Gaming: Been playing Street Fighter 6 during my down time—it's seriously an amazing game, and there's always something to learn and improve on every time I play it. Really enjoying re-playing World Tour and seeing just how much better I am compared to the first time I played through it. Also, the sheer aesthetics of the game are just so absolutely incredible to me—I've got music playlists on loop throughout my day. It just jives with me so damn much.

• Virtual Reality/VRChat: With the living room clean I'll be trying to hop on VRC again if anyone wanted to meet and chat or whatever. I gotta update Unity to upload a patched version of my avatars first though.

• Drawing: Got out my tablet, been practicing styles and perspective. Drawn stuff is more popular than 3D renders, and I've had some ideas that I'd love to draw anyway. Might share some of those.

• Music: I've got my hardware and software all set up, I can literally just hit record and start banging on the piano. We'll see if I upload anything though.

• Cosplay: Not until September/October. Tempted to put on the Wookiee cosplay and do a stream hangout playing Star Wars Squadrons or something, though.

• Conceptual Projects: I'm considering finishing a Street Fighter 6 themed Cook Book. If the cookbook reaches completion and actually works for me, I'll share it, but I'd really like to break it down to the point where an absolute beginner can cook the meals, for folks who don't have a lot of resources but still want to expand their cuisine and learn what their tastes might be.

Alright, that's a list of internet-relevant things my life is leaning towards. We'll see if I lean into them long and hard enough to translate actual progress...!

Hi all, hope everyone's been doing as well as can be. A lot of things going on in the world, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. The most important thing is that you remember your life is yours. If there are things you need or want, the best thing you can do is figure out what it is, balance it with what you have, and build a pathway to it. Some goals are more practical than others, but lots of small improvements are what lead to big personal developments. Don't skip out on a small opportunity because you're only focused on a big opportunity.

Hopefully those words mean something to someone out there—just wanted to put the positivity posting at the top of this journal, since not too much has changed on my end lately. I'm still pursuing my hobbies, but I've been lazy on the comic/rendering side of things; I've still got my Orc Comics on the mind, just haven't had the mood to sit down and render/arrange them. My focus has mainly been on winter sports, athletic goals, world building, and costume work—capitalizing on the inspiration while I've got it, which I know people can relate to...!

I hope to have big updates on multiple things come summer, I'm just kinda taking things at my own pace for now. Anywho, best wishes, and take care!

Hey ya'! Hope everyone is doing as good as can be. Remember that you should be the most important thing in your life, so keep doing what you need to do to work towards the goals you have!

Which is exactly what I've been doing—so first off, apologies to folks I haven't responded to yet, I'll find some time to sit down and give everyone some time this week. Here's how my free-time has been occupied:

• Working on Arkhan's Adventure still, a comic that'll be released while I'm working on the bigger one featuring Brokul the Orc on a wrestling and muscle-filled quest.

• Renaissance Faire coming up towards the end of September, so I'm getting my costume stuff in order. The weather's been weirdly cool, hopefully it lasts, and we still have a winter to speak of. Every year, more so these days, I try to savor the cooler months. No telling what the future will bring, after all, try to take advantage of as many opportunities as you can.

• VR! I've been sucked back into it, and been spending time on VRChat (I still need to look into ChilloutVR...). After falling asleep way too early last weekend, I woke up at 0100 with an epiphany, and successfully did what I've wanted to do for years: import my character, Bronx, into Virtual Reality. He's a character I've identified most closely with over the years, and being able to portray him in VR is an amazing feeling. So! If you ever want to receive some virtual hugs or hang out, my handle is Beastman—feel free to look me up!

• Work stuff—I decided to move offices (really wanted a window), so I've been moving military furniture (the stuff that weighs 600lbs and needs an industrial crane to even budge) and getting things cleaned up. Ordinarily I use my free time to work on personal things, but I haven't had that much free time, hence the lack of renders...! Hopefully I'll get back into full-swing here in a week or so.

Again, apologies for the delay in replying to personal messages and comments and stuff, I appreciate all of you stopping by and hope my art and beefy characters can provide inspiration and good feelings to you all. Be safe, have fun, and never be afraid to ask questions!

Golly, here we are almost half-way through the year! Someone please make it stop. Time, I hereby suspend you. Stop it.

Let me know if that worked—anywho, here's some updates on stuff:

◈◆◈◆◈◆◈◆◈◆◈ 𝐅𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖘𝐲 ◈◆◈◆◈◆◈◆◈◆◈

Brokul's adventure is continuing in A Study in Muscle's Part 2: Might and Muscle! As mentioned previously, I've gotten a script written out ahead of time, which is a double-edged sword for me: I like having everything planned out in advance and it means I can work on whatever part of the comic I want to whenever I want, suiting my mood and creativity. On the other hand, I'm pretty spontaneous, and not being able to spontaneously deviate too much because of continuity kinda saps a bit of my interest from time to time. So, as I work intermittently on this comic, I'm doing a much smaller comic on the side: Arkhan's Adventure!

Arkhan, the bodybuilding Cleric whom Brokul bumped into once, is going to find his aloof and inexperienced-self a bit overwhelmed, but will meet a fairly helpful musclebound fellow or two and learn a bit more about himself as he leaves his home for the first time and sees the larger world! I've already finished roughly one-third of the comic, I'm going to wait until I'm finished with it before pushing it out daily. A little experiment in seeing how I feel releasing completed projects rather than having multi-month gaps in-between uploading pages. Especially because...

◈◆◈◆◈◆◈ 𝙼𝚘𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚗 𝚂𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚘​ ◈◆◈◆◈◆◈

Seeing the most recent Recreation Day comic page was published 10 months ago made me John Cena midi face at my computer for several minutes. Either during or after Arkhan's Adventure, I swear I'm going to finish it. There was a bit of a shader issue, as I work between my laptop and desktop throughout the day, and there were some gamma-related rendering problems I needed to sort through. Trying to maintain consistency from page to page has been a challenge because of that, and I'd like my stuff to at least be consistent. Bronx's bigger mission is still on my to-do list, probably after Brokul's adventure.

◈◆◈◆◈◆◈◆◈◆◈ 𝕊𝕔𝕚-𝔽𝕚 ◈◆◈◆◈◆◈◆◈◆◈

Nothing new here, still have Ganzorig's next little thing planned out, but it's definitely shelved until I knock out some of these other comics aside.

◈◆◈◆◈◆◈◆◈◆ 𝒞𝑜𝓈𝓅𝓁𝒶𝓎 ◆◈◆◈◆◈◆◈◆◈

After 4 years of doing one single Star Wars day event per year, I've decided being able to roleplay a Wookiee Jedi just isn't impressive or popular. I'm adding a new outfit and converting him into a World War 2 Mandalorian Mercenary Cowboy. I'll let your imagination do the rest, as I'll have plenty to do myself if I want to see this vision come to fruition. Other than that, I've got a Ren Faire thing in September, but if high temperatures linger, I'm honestly considering aborting and waiting until the cooler months. Sucks, but so does heat stroke.

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Anyway that's all for now. Cheers for stopping by as always, hope you enjoy what I put out there, and wishing you the best as we roll through summer. Don't spend all your money on Steam Sales. Stay cool, stay safe, and try to have fun!

Hiya! I'll front-load my thanks to everyone who visits, reads, comments, watches, etcetera: Thank You!! For those who are new and want to know a bit more about my schedule and intent, hopefully this quick journal will be helpful!

As far as general info about me goes, I do this art stuff mainly as a way to satisfy myself; but realizing there are folks out there who enjoy seeing burly dudes going off on adventures, maybe sharing some intimate moments, and something-something-flexing-wrestling—oh, yeah: seeing burly dudes FLEXING AND WRESTLING—I try to share as much as I can here on FA, and soon my website which I'm finishing putting together. I'll still be sharing my stuff here on FA though, the website is mainly just a way to introduce other non-furs to my work. Anywho, onto the updates!

So, I finished the big comic of the year, "A Study In Muscle"! Whew. Only took 11 months, <insert disgusted cat meme here>. I'm seriously going to try to put my comic at the forefront of my projects though, as I've mapped out the plotline for a bunch of things, and absolutely want to make them a reality. But speaking of reality:

=== Cosplay ===
I finished the Hrothgar, wooo! "Balthazaros Shadowmane" uses my wookiee costume's fur, stacked with wizardy-robes for that Black Mage effect. It's a lot lighter and I think easier to put on than the Orc "Burgruk Warrior" costume, so I'll honestly probably be wearing it at events more. Plus it got better reception. I love showing off the Orc biceps though...anywho, I may or may not be attending Utah Ren Fest this year (didn't plan to go the first weekend, second weekend had prior plans which sadly fell through and left me without the opportunity, and the third weekend may have a conflict as well), but I'd really like to attend the Oregon Ren Faire...if I can survive the 16 total hours driving time there-and-back for a weekend.

=== Fantasy ===
With A Study In Muscle done, I'm outlining the rest of the stories I've got going on, and the plots that I've been wanting to tackle. Thankfully, through the help of a bit of free Google Drive magic named MindMup (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED, CHECK IT OUT!), I was able to very easily, very quickly, very efficiently create a flowchart that neatly arranges the plot points as a timeline of events, making moving forward with various interconnected storylines a total breeze, and even gives me opportunity to work on things in advance without worrying about conflicts. I usually just keep everything in my head as I work on comics one page at a time, sequentially.

Now that I have a plan, and a timeline, I can probably work on certain scenes out of order depending on my mood, and effectively clear any hurdles that come up. For example, before, one of the things that hit me like a brick wall was wrapping up a dialogue scene, or starting a wrestling match, just cause I wasn't in the mood for one or the other. Well, now, I get to say "I don't feel like writing dialogue right now, I'm gonna do the wrestling scene instead", and bam, productivity and an effective contribution to the over-all comic! And it means that when I get to certain sections, I might already have several pages done in advance, meaning no multi-month-long-delays!! (but lets be honest, that just means hopefully fewer delays, lol.)

Anyway, Brokul is going to journey into the Western Territories, and get absolutely demolished begin his wrestling adventures! And it leads to bigger things.

=== Superhero ===
So Bronx is still sitting in limbo talking to Gavin the Bigfoot and Vandal the Sharkman Wrestler dudes—the perfect example of "a brick wall", in a multi-faceted pun/analogy. I have a few pages in mind to close that scene, I just haven't had the interest, with A Study In Muscle looming over me. But now that Part 1 is done, I'm gonna try to wrap up the last couple of pages for that real quick, because...

I mentioned in a previous journal, Bronx does have a story to tell, and it involves something very much inspired by three things:
• one
• two
• three

It leads to bigger things.

=== Sci-Fi ===
Ganzorig the man-bat's space adventures should be continuing at some point, I'm still drafting his story though. There's several plots I have for him, but with THE POWER OF MINDMUP SERIOUSLY CHECK IT OUT, I'd like to consolidate his journey and fashion a tale similar to Brokul's where he gets to have some muscle-brawling fun (for himself, and you the audience—hi there! Glad you're still reading! <3 ). So I'll share more about it as I finish putting it together. Oh, it leads to bigger things.

=== Everything Else! ===
Alright, this is where it gets more mental-healthy, so if you were just here for the comic updates, that's about all there is to it! Hope you visit later on and enjoy what I've got to offer—thanks again for stopping by!!

Anywho, labeling some other minor personal accomplishments and psychological positivity: the biggest struggle of doing anything is getting started. Don't believe me? Look at a fan. Yeah, a fan! Like, a box fan, or a desk fan, anything like that. You plug it into the wall, and the fan blades spin, and it blows air in a general direction. Look at where the knob is that turns it on. Take your time, I'll wait—just check it out real quick!

See how when you turn it on, it starts at max intensity, and for a softer air current you gotta turn the knob down to reach the lower levels? Why does it start at max power? Well, it's because the internal workings have to overcome inertia, which takes a lot of work. The voltage to get it started is more than what's needed to keep it spinning! Like running down a steep hill, once gravity takes you, it requires a lot more power from your muscles to slow yourself down. Like when you're sitting in a chair, it takes a moment of effort to stand—but once you're standing, you're able to keep yourself up far easier than if you stopped half-way between sitting and standing.

We have inertia in our lives that can be overwhelming at times, and those analogies are just a way of demonstrating that principle. Maybe you can apply it to your own life: you get out of bed, you go to work, you do your thing, you go to bed (night-shift and swing-shifters, re-mix those things accordingly). It can be easy to fall into the pattern of inertia that drives us from one day to the next. We all imagine and dream about things we wish were different, but it can be scary, knowing the amount of inertia you're going to have to fight, in order to change direction.

But once you've done it a couple of times, it gets easier—not just because your experiences hone your skills, and knowing yourself makes goals easier to identify and strive towards, but the inertia of your life begins to change direction. It begins to slow down. Days fly by, yet simultaneously feel like they last longer, because of all the things you begin to fill your day with and can remember accomplishing. 24 hours is a surprisingly short amount of time in the grand scheme of things, and yet there are ways we can make it enough time to do the things we want to do. Sometimes we just gotta break our goals up into smaller chunks.

Find your own rhythm to do that. Learn what little things you can do each day to break your goals into smaller, easier to manage pieces. Whether it's doing an exercise or two, or preparing for a weekend-chore ahead of time (keeping clothes together rather than strewn apart), getting cheap containers to organize your belongings so that instead of having a messy room, you have messy containers that keep the room itself clean...okay, I'll be honest, I'm writing these cleaning analogies because I'm literally going over my to-do list, now that I'm looking around and seeing the chaos of my living room/kitchen/office...

Alright, quick break. Do it with me! Get up real quick and just look around at things that "need" to be done. Clothes on the floor? Sort them into colors, or sizes, or stack them how you prefer putting them into the washer! Dirty dishes need doing? Quickly take a few seconds to stack them in a way that frees up some space on the counter, or get some water in the sink so they're a little easier to clean later. Desk or work area got junk on it? Get a shopping bag or something real quick, and put trash into it—if you have a medium container, put all Electronic stuff into it, so that there aren't spare cords and gadgets strewn about. Go, go, go! Turn that fan in your brain on, max power! We'll turn it to a lower setting once we've finished that step!

Whew, finished? Good job! Still got plenty to do, or weren't in a position to do it quite yet? No worries! More hours ahead. But it all starts with a shift in inertia. Sometimes that means breaking the framework of your day-to-day drudgery...but sometimes it's as simple as doing a little tiny thing, that makes a big goal a little bit more manageable in the future.

Take care of yourself—you deserve it!

Well wowie, I just nabbed a screenshot of it: I've hit 100,000 views (exactly)!

I'm hugely delighted that so many of you take an interest in my works. Even if it's just visiting every once and a while, favoriting a muscle dude or two, and running away—knowing that you and other folks out there enjoy what I've got to offer is a big, humbling thing.

Honestly, it took me a few minutes of thought, to decide if I even wanted to mention the 100,000 views. I'm not here to compete, I'm not trying to get famous, I don't even want to try making money off this art stuff—no Patreon, no Ko-Fi, no PayPal links—as I far as I'm concerned, I've got a good job already, and I'd rather you donate any surplus money to artists who need it. The artist whose job is their art. The artist who sells their work or skills on commission. The artist who simply wants to follow their passion, but needs money because they don't want to sell their passion, and still need financial support for their day-to-day living.

Those are people who deserve monetary support, and views can be an indicator of an artist's progress in reaching larger audiences, and thus larger pools of support. For me, it's just an indicator that you and other people out there might like what I do, and that makes me proud and happy all by itself.

Don't be afraid to take that interest to the next best level, though! You don't have to send money to send support: whether it's me, or other artists you enjoy (perhaps enjoy more than me!), make sure to leave a Shout, send a Note, or drop a comment on a piece you really enjoy. You might write it with the expectation of not receiving a response, however: sometimes folks are really busy or distracted by things happening in the world—a 'simple statement' kind of comment is a polite way of letting artists know you appreciate them, and aren't asking for anything in return, other than the opportunity to see more of what they create and share.

It's a small gesture, that can mean a lot. I know I'm greatly appreciative of all the comments folks have left on my works, my page, or my journals. Sometimes I fall behind on replying, but—as you can see on the time stamp of some of my eventual replies—I really do care, and will come back to a comment even years later, responding as earnestly and honestly as I can.

So thank you for sharing your time with me, and I hope you all have a great weekend. I'm going to be attending a Ren Faire this weekend, hopefully exhibiting two costumes: my Orc Battlemaster, Burgruk Wartooth...and a new character I haven't shared anything about yet: Balthazaros Shadowmane, a Hrothgar (or Beastman) Black Mage, that I play in FF XIV.

Take care, be safe, and have fun!

Well, April is upon us...!

I've been working on finishing the Fantasy Orc Monk Brokul Adventure Dialogue comic 'A Study in Muscle', I've got another 7 pages left maybe until the end...and then the fun comic will start where he actually enters the Western Lands and starts wrestling and such, so hopefully that'll be coming along here soon.

Otherwise, there's gonna be another (hopefully brief) delay in pages, as April 1st and 2nd I'll be at a Comic Con, doing my Burgruk Wartooth Orc Warrior Cosplay thing. Then, a month later, I'll be doing a Renaissance Faire thing...and maybe another one a month after that. Goodness, I got a lot of costume stuff going on...

Anywho, I'm gonna try to get and share lots of pictures. Appreciate y'alls patience and response to the Brokul the Orc comic, really glad to see so many folks liking it (despite the lack of musclebound grappling and such)...! Hope everyone has a good weekend. Stay safe, have fun!

Ohmygod it's been 6 months since my last journal what the hell.

Hey! While you're reading this, you remember seeing that meme gif, "Making Art", where you have three toggles for Mood, Ideas, and Energy? But when you select all three, it un-toggles one of the other two, so that you can only have two maximum?

Yeeeah, I'm there. Just Mood that I'm struggling with mostly—I have the ideas for moving forward with the comics in my head, and I've had the energy to be doing things. But the mood that I need to really immerse myself in the world and characters is a bit limited. It'll pick back up eventually, probably in another two weeks or so. Got some stuff going on at the beginning of February that have been occupying my mind a bit, once I get through that I'll get back to normal I reckon.

Been doing D&D stuff on the side, and it honestly doesn't take away from my pool of inspiration points—it's nice to build things in a different setting every once and a while, and it's always exciting to engage the character in a game and see what can be done with their various abilities when the outcome isn't known (unlike my comics and such).

Speaking of comics, Brokul has one more set of introductions to be made after his visiting the minotaur friends, and after that will be the real adventure with plenty of muscle and wrestling/grappling. Looking forward to getting started with that, though posing all the wrestling holds could be a slog—but a worthwhile slog at that.

Meanwhile in the Superhero world, Bronx's little vacation will pick up with a little bit more interaction between the folks there, but will split: Bronx's story will take him on a mission, and while there will be some grappling involved, it's an action-focus that goes a bit beyond the muscle, and involves a bit more intrigue...if you're curious and want to know more about the theme, then you can't get a better hint than this...

The Sci-Fi universe continues, Ganzorig the Space Bat still has a story in place that can pick up whenever I'm in the mood. It won't have too many returning characters, but will eventually merge his adventures with another set of characters I've done in the sci-fi stuff.

Shadowrun has been on my mind occasionally, and I've honestly considered making a comic out of the general premise of my unfinished novella, "Goro's Beginning" (soon to be renamed, as it encompasses multiple characters' perspectives and experiences). If not that though, I've definitely wanted to do a comic with the Shadowrun characters, and being able to see them in action.

My next Cosplay event will be in April and May, so I've got plenty of time to work towards that. I've been snowboarding on the weekends when I can, and banging on a keyboard to make something like music every once and a while. Also still considering whether I want to go out and do a solo cosplay photoshoot in the mountains...would be really awesome, but a lot of planning needed: cameras, drone photography, costuming and acting is a lot of work to do solo after all. Then again, there's no guarantee on how long the snow will last these days...

Otherwise, I hope everyone has been doing well, having a fairly good start to 2023 and such. Another year, another opportunity to find new opportunities. It isn't easy, it takes Mood/Ideas/Energy too, after all—more so, as the oft neglected "Resources" is also a valid toggle that not every has an easy time switching on.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't keep working for yourself, to try and achieve the things you deserve—and you do deserve them. So keep it up!

I was browsing the interwebs one day when I discovered the word "sthenolagnia" (which I'll define here in a few sentences). With that discovery came a brief dive into all kinds of other words which immediately made a connection with me, and actually helped me better understand some concepts.

Now, labels aren't always necessary. After all, we shouldn't define ourselves by our labels: doing that just turns us into ideologues—adherents of the ideology associated with a label, which substitutes our personality. Instead, using labels to better define us is the much better route, as it allows us freedom of self-expression, while providing a conversational short-hand: an easy way of quickly helping others understand who we are.

For example: my life isn't defined solely by my fetish for muscle. But knowing that there's a single word I can use as a label—or words that can capture most of my feelings on a particular subject in a single breath—can be really useful! Although, it likely depends on other peoples' understanding of that word for it to be effective; hence, why general education and sharing information is so important!

So here's just a fun little share on some things I discovered that strike close to home, or just enhanced my understanding of these topics:

• Fetish: "A form of sexual desire where gratification is linked to a particular thing or concept."
• Paraphilia: "Sexual stimuli or acts that deviate from normative sexual behavior, but which are necessary to achieve sexual arousal or satisfaction."

Now, out of those, everyone probably knows what a Fetish is. But the next one has some controversy with it, as it's a medical/clinical term and doesn't simply mean "fetish". Here's an interesting article covering the topic of Paraphilia: "Not Just A Fetish: How Science And Slang Differ In Sex Talk"

• Sthenolagnia: "Sexual arousal from muscles."
• Cratolagnia: "Sexual arousal from strength."

Next are Sthenolagnia and Cratolagnia. Within medical terminology, the "-lagnia" suffix can literally mean "lust". Per Google Translate, "Stheno" can mean "I'm Strong" in Greek (appropriate given most medical terms have a Greek or Latin root), but it's also the name of one of the three Gorgons in Greek mythology: a name meaning "forceful (and strong)".

I haven't found a direct reference to "Crato", but my brain says it could be derived from "Cratos" or "Cratus", which might sound familiar to you if you change the C to a K: "Kratos". Yeah, the God of War dude! Well the name(s) "Kratos/Cratos/Cratus" are also of Greek origin, meaning "(divine personification of) strength".

So! With all that, here's the cliff notes®!
• -lagnia ("lust" or "coitus")
• Stheno- (Name Meaning: "Forceful") "Arousal from Muscles Being Idolized / Physique & Appearance"
• Crato- (Name Meaning: "Strong") "Arousal from Muscles Doing Things / Demonstrations of Strength"

And there we are! Does that make any sense at all? Any experts or professionals in a medical field have anything to correct, add, or contest? If you have any thoughts, feelings or opinions, feel free to share them below! I'd be interested in seeing how others learned about their interests, or what specifically is arousing within this topic.

There's tons of fetishes and more out there, but the important thing to remember is that you're a person, and your thoughts and feelings will always be valid because they're yours. If you have fascinations or fetishes that seem outside the norm, remember you're probably not alone: you just can't read other peoples' minds! There's people out there who share similar ideas and ideals as you, it might just take some time and effort to find them, if you want to share those mutually positive interactions.

Anyway, I was a guy who always felt out of place working out and working at gyms—I was always dealing with feelings of confusion and suppression whenever I wrestled with other guys, or saw someone even bigger than me at the gym. For fifteen years as an adult, from living in remote wilderness, working civilian jobs, working in the military, going to college, even just sitting at home, I never asked myself the question, "why do I feel this way?" It wasn't until I started playing social online games, MMORPGs like City of Heroes, or Champions Online, that I began asking those questions, and finding answers.

Roleplaying in those games was like living a second life: an opportunity to simulate self-actualization, in a way that no one previous to my generation ever had. Sure, there was roleplaying and writing, fantasy and the like—but they didn't have a 3D world, a living, digital city, full of interactable things and freedom of movement...or a social network of real people, in real time, who reacted with friendliness and openness when bringing up topics that would otherwise be seen as deviations or perversions.

I don't do a lot of roleplaying these days, partly because I don't always have the time to sit down and force my brain into a fantasy world. But also because as time went on, I learned who I am, and who I can be, and my focus has slowly transitioned from self-actualizing in those roleplaying worlds, to striving for self-actualization in the real world.

...and I really have to end it here. I didn't expect to type all of this, I legit just wanted to share some interesting finds and thank everyone for leaving comments...but this is what I really encourage: You have the power of the internet in your hands. You can look up anything that has happened and been recorded in this world, and learn more about it. In 1993, Microsoft released "Encarta", the competitor to the Encyclopædia Britannica: it was like Wikipedia in CD-ROM form, and I spent an hour every day looking up all kinds of things, from historical events to the development of modern technologies...but even though I didn't look up things about my identity, I still learned a lot, and those things contributed to my identity.

Take the time to look up things relevant to your identity online. Follow the rabbit-hole, and see what else you discover, and how relevant things are to you. The better you know yourself, the more you can do for yourself. And remember, like with all things, it takes time.

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Whew. Alright, thank you everyone for all your comments on the comics I've been throwing around here the past couple of months. I'm gonna throw a reply to all of them this week, but I sincerely mean thank you: it really helped motivate me to get back on track and start finishing the Kàrr comic, and that'll help drive me towards the other ideas and stories I've had. I hope the art is satisfying in more ways than one, and that the words aren't all entirely boring. Remember, I kind of do these stories for myself first, and that's why there's a lot of philosophical ramblings: it's probably just me trying to better understand what I believe or feel, and most importantly: why.

Thanks again, hope everyone is doing alright and staying as cool as possible this summer. Do what you can to plan ahead, keep taking care of yourself and others, and be excellent!

Woo, here's to trying to be consistent with Journal updates again! Also, I finally switched to the new 'Modern' FA interface, lol.

Anyway! I ran a poll on Twitter, highlighting the fact that when I lose inspiration it often takes me some time to finish a comic, even when I often have other stories on my mind! But after the colossal delay with Jungle Jam, I've tried to keep a "one comic at a time" approach. So I asked, "Should I finish a comic before starting the next? Or work on two or more simultaneously?" The results were fairly evenly split, but the greater majority seems not to mind the idea of seeing more comics!

But don't worry! This should be a good thing, cause I'm not gonna let any comic fall off the radar like I did with Jungle Jam—I was dealing with a lot of stuff back then, after all! Not as much going on now, so I think I can let my inspiration guide me, without comics going too long without an update.

And even in addition to that, I've got a new tool on my belt, Postybirb! This is a handy tool that allows me to upload to multiple websites and schedule those uploads—the kind of thing I've been dreaming about for ages (and it's free! Hopefully this'll make uploads more consistent, and hide the days when I need to take a break from rendering, by still having things be uploaded in the intervening time. (I did have to add the app as an exception to my Avast anti-virus though, otherwise it was failing to upload).

That's about all I got for now! I've got ideas on my mind that are driving me in some directions, but mostly my inspiration right now is coming from a desire to see some Brokul. I've got other ideas in the other render universes, but we'll see how far I can stretch out my current inspiration!

Hope you all are doing well and staying as cool as possible these days...! This summer is going to be a challenge for a lot of folks, and maybe a sign of things to come, so stay safe, keep learning, and try to have some fun—you deserve it!

...while my flight is delayed by another 5 hours.

Hope everyone is doing groovy though! Welcome to Summer, hope you're able to enjoy it to its full potential, or find adequate shelter within air conditioned environments because you live in what borders on a literal desert or swamp and the temperature is unbearable. Whatever the case, find what you can do that makes you comfortable!!

The Gargoyle Returns comic is coming along slowly, I'm gonna be gone for a few days and do some D&D setup, so I might not be dedicated full-time to it right now. However, there's going to be a wrestling montage, which is going to cut some of the dialogue and add plenty more Gargoyle (and Kàrr!) action—it does take more time to render however, as I can't just use camera trickery to make one pose fill three frames. Each wrestling hold or transition is a whole new pose I gotta arrange, so it takes a little more time. But hopefully I'll find an evening or a weekend I can just grind through a bunch of them, and get more pages pushed out. I'm thinking 10 more pages until the comic is finished, all of them wrestling, and maybe one or two more after that as an epilogue.

I still got plenty of ideas and plans already in mind for what to do next, but it'll probably be mini-comics of only a couple pages, rather than big long ones for a while, plus some characters/scenes I'm wanting to see rendered.

If there's any questions or comments, don't hesitate to share! It seriously motivates me seeing all the positive responses folks have been leaving, and I'll leave individual replies as soon as I can. Again, thanks for all the kind words, and for viewing what I've got here. Hope it brings pleasure and enjoyment in multiple ways.

Be safe, have fun!

Alright! Mission complete, I've done a lot in the past month, dealt with a lot, and made some deals! While I'll be starting a new job here in two weeks, and doing some traveling later in June, I've got my free time back—and most importantly, a free brain: with things no longer weighing on my mind, I'm going to do everything I can to get my inspiration going; especially because I don't got a lot going on anymore!

With summer rolling in, I'm gonna seek shelter in air-conditioned environments, with a laptop and a cool drink. What better place to be than a cold, damp cave with clear cool water dripping from some stalactites? Hey, that's right! I'm gonna try to get going on that Gargoyle and Kàrr story again! Thanks for waiting, sorry again for the delay.

You might also have seen I was a Wookiee a few days back—with an Orc and a Wookiee cosplay on hand, all put together and restored after some revitalization for the two events I was apart of, I'd love to do the photoshoot I was promising myself back since last year...buuuut with it getting warm, I'm probably gonna have to hold off for now. That's okay though, gives me time to work on some other goals I have for myself.

In the stressful period leading up to today though, I started playing Elite Dangerous and SkyrimVR, and might give No Man's Sky a few days next. I generally try to stream my gaming sessions now that I've got a decent setup for it, you can check out my Twitch channel here (TheUndercoverBeast) if you want to. I'm trying to make sure that after I stream, I do a 10 - 20 minute Highlight of the stream, capturing the better moments—much more easily watchable...!

You can also visit me on Twitter (ScretAgentBeast) where I'll try to go back to posting WIP renders and such. I very much limit retweeting non-bara/non-art things (see, political stuff), but some things happening in real life are important, yeah...?

I've also got an Instagram (BearnardTheBeast), which is fairly new and thus only has like, 4 things on it, LOL. I'm trying to use Instagram more for my real-life stuff (cosplay and the like), but we'll see what else I might decide to do with it in the future.

So there's some broad informational stuff for ya'! As always, appreciate you reading, appreciate you stopping by, hope you can enjoy some of the stuff I do around here—and don't hesitate to throw a message or comment my way if you'd like to share your thoughts! Always happy to read them, and always trying to find opportunities to give heartfelt and thoughtful replies back!

Be safe, have fun!

Hiya.

So some stuff has gone on in real life like it always will (and does!), and I'm gonna be busy for a few weeks. This might put a delay in the Gargoyle Returns comic—we're on Page 9 right now, and I have the next 2 pages already completed, so there will at least be some small update, but it might take some time for me to find the inspiration to finish some more pages.

But I at least wanted to say thank to you everyone for your comments and support—I try to respond to every comment, but I've missed a few uploads, and want to at least tell you that you're appreciated, and your time and thoughts are always valuable to me. So cheers muchly!

Well hullo everybody!

Gosh, can't believe it's been 10 months since I've done an update here. But this year has been a bit interesting, and I've done all kinds of things lately. Lots of jumping around...!

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Real Life Stuff

Nothing bad honestly—well, not yet at least. Still got a few days to go for this year don't we, lol. But things have been pretty busy all the same, with a few highlights:

• Work was insanely busy
• Attended Renaissance Faire as an Orc, got a job offer
• Left work
• Attended Haunted House as an Orc, got a job offer
• Getting new job to work

So the Orc costume definitely turned out better than I'd have thought! I'm gonna share a photo or two on here now I've found a few shots people took of me. But the Renaissance Faire was pretty cool, a local sort of deal, but big nonetheless for the community, and I'm looking forward to maybe being a part of it next year. The Haunted House was the same sort of thing, but a different atmosphere since it's not just fantasy lovers, but we'll see what mood I'm in when that time comes.

The lesson I took from this is: Put time and effort into the things you love, but if the internet isn't giving you the reception you need to take further steps forward, try finding an excuse to get out in public—you could find an audience waiting for you, who isn't subject to the Almighty Algorithm. From that you could find opportunities you won't simply by being online.

The new job is gonna be good I think, simple and direct with one task (unlike my previous job which was a nightmare of me being a specialist in every area of expertise, thus having a non-stop array of tasks being thrown at me). That'll give me me time to work on a few Certifications in the meanwhile, and progress up and along the employment ladder. It'll also keep me less drained, and maybe let me be inspired to work on art stuff more!

There would be more highlights, but I never found the time/opportunity for them...I wanted to do another mountain photoshoot as an Orc, but I'm gonna do that when I get back from some holiday traveling—hopefully two photoshoots, as I'd like to do a video for the Wookiee as well...

Anyway, my upcoming life things that may affect progress on things here:

• New Job + Training (Security+ and other Certifications)
• Moving (if I can find a place here in the worst housing market in the US apparently, lol)
• Snowboarding (I'm gonna try to get out on the slopes more as long as winter is here)


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More Real Life Stuff

So in addition to all that stuff above, I was chatting with a buddy when I finally came to a realization after years of thinking about it...my mood changes based on my mental/emotional balance:

• Fantasy Mood: When I'm stressed with work and have been in the house for too long, I become in the mood for fantasy—an escape from my surroundings. Fantasy involves adventure, magic, companionship, travel, the kinds of things that aren't often found in the mundane day-to-day modern working life.

• Modern/Superhero Mood: As life gets busy, my thoughts become more focused on reality—managing work/life balance, planning on attending events or doing things in town, etcetera. An attachment to the rush and bustling nature of our world makes me imagine "improving it" with the superhero component, making it more exciting and interesting, appealing and attuned with my desires. At the same time, I look forward to modern conveniences, which gives ideas for relaxing and recreation, things to do with friends.

• Sci-Fi: This usually happens when my life is balanced, and my creativity, humor, and desire for critical thinking are in higher spirits—I'm pretty big into science and philosophy, with a lot of time spent in conversation and debate across a broad range of topics. So when my love for Douglas Adams hits me, I'll often be more inclined to enjoy working with the zany freedoms of the sci-fi galaxy I've put together. When my life is balanced, so too are the aspects of all the other genres I'm working with...and sci-fi is a really balanced genre, mixing the magic of the unknown with a modern understanding of science and technology, where you can find comfortable lives or harsh adventures! Recreation for survival, or recreation for sport, sci-fi is a balanced genre for when my mind is similarly balanced.

So there's that, typed here in a way to summarize years of thinking about why my mood changes so darned often, and now I know. This introspection took a long time, but I'm better for it, and more knowledgeable about my own internal physiological and psychological changes and development, by looking back at what I was feeling when I did certain renders, and realizing there was a connection between the art made and the emotions I was dealing with.

I share it here so I have a simplified record of my discoveries, but also because maybe this can help you or others identify interesting aspects of your own identity. Your mental health is important, and it's worth taking some time to think about!


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Render Art Stuff

Well wowie. An absolutely huge thanks for all the responses on the Jungle Jam comic—I'm so thrilled to have been able to finish that and see such a positive response from everyone!! Really glad people enjoyed that, guess this is what happens when I pander to the bearhug-loving crowd that follows me, right? That's what y'all are waiting for? xD

But seriously, thanks so much for all your favorites, comments, notes and otherwise—I've still got a few notes I need to reply to, so apologies if I haven't responded yet. I prioritize things weirdly. As far as requests and such go, I've been running a few polls on Twitter lately, so if you haven't seen those, I'll throw my Twitter here. You can also see a few polls I ran here, here and here.

The Recreation Day comic (with Bronx, Apex, Garret, Bill, Gavin and Vandal) started as literally just that one page, because I had a vision of Bronx and Apex going to get a massage. That's all there was to be, just like the first page of the Anytime, Anywhere comic kicking off an idea I had. But Recreation Day turned into more, once I thought up the idea of Gavin the Bigfoot, who I realized only after naming him (I wanted Garret and Gavin's names to both begin with G, it's just a silly alliteration thing I have going, lol) was also the name of a certain bigfoot from a certain cartoon...but I decided I'm okay with it, and that I'll provide plenty of other references to different things, for the sake of making the most out of the comedy.

Which brings me to two big things in my renders:

• I often seem to go for a "subvert expectations with comedy" angle. I don't necessarily want to go all out Rian Johnson levels of subversion, but I gotta admit, the mood I was feeling when I made Anytime, Anywhere just left me feeling like Bronx wasn't in a squeeze-toy mood that night, so I took a different approach with it half-way through. I think I'd like (and hopefully y'all would like!) more appeal towards the muscle-loving grappling/cuddling stuff. So I'm gonna try to get in those angles more, without letting the "subversive comedy" get in the way or take turns too far away from that intent.

But let me know your thoughts on that—hell, I might run a Twitter poll on it, but for those of you who aren't on Twitter, please don't hesitate to share your thoughts. The more I know what direction you all are leaning, the more I'll try to slant my art stuff in that direction. A lot of the panels/pages in Jungle Jam were made specifically because someone commented with their thoughts, I loved the idea they had, and bam, it was made! Which brings me to the second big thing:

• Jungle Jam. The comic I started 3 years ago, finally finished last month. Wow, what a ride. I thought the first bearhug was a good note to end on because I had other things going on, and kind of lost my interest in the sci-fi angle. Super proud and delighted to have finished it though, and really glad so many other people enjoyed it too. That being said, there was a big of a retcon in the story. It was a little bumpy, but we got through it, and I wanted to take a moment to explain why there was a change, because it seems remarkably relevant:

Trending on Twitter right now is one of those talks about "why is D&D removing lore on evil creatures and taking alignment away, this is ruining the source material!". I don't want to go into my opinion on that because it's not relevant, but you'll probably discover my opinion regardless as I highlight why I made the change in Jungle Jam:

Creativity is a beautiful thing, and within the genres we have, creativity lets us do almost anything. We can incorporate the best of things, or the worst of things, often dealing with true goodness and true evil in these imaginary worlds. That's a great thing! And it's not even necessarily a bad thing to introduce certain subjects, like Slavery for example.

In the original Jungle Jam notes I had, Ganzorig was going to be literally enslaved and forced to fight in a gladiatorial arena. While I don't have any problems with that, I realized when I finally started finishing the comic, that it does significantly change the feel of the comic, and it was a feel that clashed with the overall mood and theme I was going for. As someone pointed out in the comments, "Things always get dark in prisons. I have never imagined a happy uplifting atmosphere to them. XD"

That's pretty damn valid. And while there's certainly an element of CNC (Consensual Non-Consent) that I enjoy playing off of when it comes to excuses to have characters crush each other in combat, when that initial consent hasn't been established, it becomes darn difficult to make something as abhorrent as Slavery come off as a positive and enjoyable experience. So I retconned and got rid of it. I didn't want to deal with the potential perception of using non-consensual Slavery as a positive thing.

I'm a fan of dark and gritty sometimes. I absolutely love Diablo II for its dark and depressing atmosphere, for example. But I also love more classic fantasy games that are bright and cheerful, ala King's Quest or something akin to that. My Fantasy universe is kind of a balance between those two things...and I want my Sci-Fi universe to be unbalanced a bit more in the "fun and happy" direction.

I've had some people ask me why I want to see my characters struggle against each other, or ask why a pulverizing bearhug or taunting domination is appealing to me—folks who aren't as much into the wrestling angle might simply not have an interest in the kind of "aggressive cuddling" that wrestling can be for me and others. Learning about CNC might help in better understanding one aspect of the Dominance / Submissive angle, as well as why fantasies about Slavery and other related things might be appealing.

But gosh this post is super long now, so I'll end it here and maybe go into more stuff later.


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Closing

Gosh, if you read the entire thing there, I owe you dinner...! But I really hope that you find satisfaction, comfort or enjoyment from the stuff I share here. Whether it's written, music, art, story—whatever the case may be, all these things I do are kind of a therapy and hobby for me, but being able to share them is a tremendous privilege. But when I know that there are people out there who experience positive emotions, enjoyment or satisfaction from the stuff I share, it makes me all the more privileged and proud. So thanks for stopping by, but most important, thank you for being you.

Don't hesitate to leave a reply and share your thoughts. Y'all stay awesome, be safe, and have fun. ♥

Hullo all!

Another customary round of thanking you for stopping by, seeing the newest renders and such, and hopefully enjoying the few things I've been able to do recently. I've slowed down a lot with the render stuff, half from lack-of-inspiration, and half from just wanting to do something new.

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RENDERS

My entry into Iray has been a bit of a challenge. I have to redo the shaders for all the characters, which is time consuming by itself initially: but eventually I'll reach the 'copy and paste' phase, which will speed things up! Regardless, the biggest hurdle I'm dealing with is fur. See, I used a plugin called Garibaldi Hair for all my fuzzy characters, which could be rendered in 3Delight really easily (and with fewer crashes than another plugin called LAMH). But Garibaldi Hair eventually was transformed into a free-to-use, built-in plugin called "Strand Based Hair" which was released in a recent version of Daz Studio, and is natively Iray compatible.

So now, I could totally do my renders in Iray for greater photo-realism, yay! But I can't just copy/paste the fur for all my characters, meaning I have to remake it all from scratch, boo! Furthermore I've run into a memory issue however. I need to tell my computer to stop using the C:\ and start using the D:\, otherwise I have slow render speeds and crashes.

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LIFE

Right now I'm in the middle of training a leadership course, in the middle of a busy time in my work career, in the middle of a house with mold, which means I'm in the middle of moving to a new house I literally just signed off on today. It's been pretty crazy. And not really a 'bad' kind of crazy, just an 'uncomfortable' kind of crazy. Comfort is where my creativity thrives, and I haven't been getting a lot of it lately. So I appreciate y'alls patience as I continue to make progress forward, and hopefully find myself in a more inspiring situation within the coming months.

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Again, many thanks for visiting here. There's so many artists out there, and I appreciate you taking the time to check out what I've got. I hope you browse my favorites and give other people a visit too, or keep hunting FA and beyond for the awesome works people are putting their heart, soul and skill into. Don't hesitate to leave questions, comments, notes or anything else if you got thoughts on your mind you think I can add input on, and I'll do my best to respond in a timely manner.

Cheers again, be safe, and have fun!

Hullo everyone! Hope you all are doing well right now, staying safe and healthy and doing everything you can to keep things that way; prevention is the best medicine!

I've finally returned home after over half a year working in the middle of a desert; got off the plane two days ago, moved into a house, got my stuff out of storage—it's been busy! I'm working on organizing and cleaning, and hope to get on VRChat soon, and then start doing some renders when I'm able; we'll see how addicted I become to VR, but I might need to acclimate to the headset again, since I haven't used it for so long.

Otherwise, thanks for all the comments and messages and such! I've kept up with reading as many as I can, and I'll start responding to folks hopefully this weekend once I finish making the home more homely.

Be safe, have fun y'all!

Alright! I'm starting to do a bit better, planning my work and working my plan! But I wanted to take a moment to say thank you for the huge out-pouring of support—it means a lot to me, and you all as individuals mean so much more! With that thought, I already shared this message with the folks in my Discord, but I'm hoping that others will benefit from it as well:

In the midst of all the serious stuff going on, I want to share with everyone a reminder to "count your blessings".

And I don't mean that in a religious sense (most of the core folks probably know I'm not a religious fellow). It's a multifaceted notion, because no matter how big or how small, once you start thinking about the good things you have in your life, you're inherently on the path to positive thinking:

Focus on that positive something. Ask yourself how it brings you comfort; how much harder things would be if you didn't have it. Let yourself linger on that thought. Every moment you do, you're clinging to something positive. Something good. Something that contributes to your well-being.

I'm in a very privileged position at the moment. I've mentioned that I'm stuck in a military camp in the desert, which isn't all that fun, but I also have to recognize that I have food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, my computer workstation, and even internet (most of the time). On top of that, I just came back from the dining facility with a cup of hot oatmeal, tea and a muffin, which I can enjoy in peace (before the bunkmate gets off shift).

At the same time, I do have real, legitimate concerns: for myself, for the people around me, for people here on FA and everyone else abroad. I care about people, and I care about well-being. But we can't take care of each other if we don't take care of ourselves.

So look after yourself, love yourself, and take the time to think about those good things you have, to help motivate yourself towards making things even better. Be safe, and keep washing those hands! ♥

Hullo all!

Just a quick update: I really appreciate all the comments that you folks have been leaving; I've read every single one of them, and I just need to find some time to reply to all them!

I've been pretty busy lately, and dealing with a resurgence of some mental health symptoms that have slowed me down a bit—and when I say that, let me take a moment to mention: mental health is important. I had been dealing with mental health issues for over a decade before having the opportunity to seek help; if you feel you're dealing with various effects or symptoms that are causing a noticeable imbalance, take note of it, and be willing to do all you can for yourself, to get the help you need.

I'd go way more into it, but I've got a laundry list of things I need to finish up (including actual laundry!), so some random points of interest:

• With mentioning the mental health thing; I've been taking more time for myself. I want to do lots of things, but I also want to keep my mood in check, so I've been taking a break from social media and such.

• Again, I'm looking forward to replying to comments! It'll just be a little while...so, just like normal, Lol!

• I've been working overseas for several months now, and was preparing to head home. However, I've been affected by a military hold order, which means I won't be returning home for potentially another two months, minimum. So still no VR for the time being...or privacy, lol.

• I was able to do a render of Bronx, and I still want to do some more renders of muscle and wrestling, but again, I'm taking some personal time right now.

• I still need to do laundry, so I'll end the list here.

You all are fantastic, I appreciate you being here, hope you've been enjoying and are continuing to enjoy the art that can be found on this account and more. So! Love yourself and others, be safe especially in the current social-medical climate we're all dealing with, wash those hands, and take care of yourself! You deserve it!

Well hulloooooooo, and cheers for stopping by! Before you run away, check out the bottom of this Journal entry for an opportunity to share your thoughts/opinions!

My usual "Monthly Interests Rotation" has rolled over, so I'll just break down the basic details:

World of WarCraft
I still got interest in the Warcraft setting to a degree, but it's a bit weaker now than it was a while back. I went ahead and canceled the subscription because I was having a hard time managing my time: it's hard to find company to play with when the time you're awake is the exact opposite of anyone else, hurr.

City of Heroes
My superhero mood is kind of coming back now. Whether I stick to just art/stories, or if I get back into CoH, I'll be sure to send an update on Twitter or whatnot.

MAWrestling
I'm still plotting out some wrestling related comic pages. Matches would probably only be 10 pages max, just to keep the work flowing and not finding myself bogged down on one particular project or setting.

Fantasy
Trying to finish a comic featuring a certain bodybuilding orc monk having a wrestling encounter with a certain musclebound orc hulk. Got a few more renders to do for the end of the match and then a short few pages epilogue, need to put the rendered panels into the comic pages, clean and add dialogue...and then they'll be ready for uploading! I might start uploading them tonight actually, might encourage me to finish it faster, hurr.

Modern/Superhero
Someone showed me too many images of Venom, and now I'm starting to lean towards a superhero mood. We'll see where it goes, but I think at the moment I'm still more focused on Sci-Fi...

Sci-Fi
Speaking of, I want to get some more renders done here. Either more short comic stuff with Wokka Wokka and crew, or other characters. Still have Jungle Jam sitting on the burner, good grief...

Star Wars
Wait, what, Star Wars, huh!? That's right! Now that the Disney trilogy is finally finished, I had a bit of closure in my heart, and after playing Jedi: Fallen Order, found myself utterly in love with the original trilogy and Expanded Universe canon once more. To pull myself out of the EA/Disney pit was a joy, and I was totally inspired to do some post-Galactic Civil War/Jedi Academy art and lots of writing. I shared some of the art on Twitter already, but I'll try to do one or two character stills that I can upload here just so that folks can measure their interest.

Everything Else
So much to do, so little time. Littler now that I don't got my laptop with me at work no more, so the only time I can do render stuff is during the 3 hours I might have free every night. Things might show up fast when I'm inspired, or might show up slow if I just don't got the energy.

In any case, I'd like to seriously thank you folks who are still visiting my page here, or reading these journals. I enjoy my art as much as anyone, and I know when I'm happy, I can make other people happy too. So I'm definitely going to continue sharing burly bara beasts and dudes and muscle related stuff here, for sure. As always, never be afraid to share your thoughts and opinions: at the very least, they can only ever give me motivation and inspiration!

BEFORE I GO, I have two opportunities for you to provide some input and share your thoughts!

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Looking at how I express bara beefy wrestling art stuff creatively, I note that I tend to do four things:
- Art Series in Comic form
- Artwork by itself
- Artwork with a short story
- Pure written story

In order to better learn which categories I should put more time and effort into sharing/distributing, I'm running a little Twitter poll with those four options.

If you'd like to throw your vote in, that'd be groovy!

*Update: The poll has ended! Cheers to all for your responses! You can still click the link if you want to see the results!

https://twitter.com/ScretAgentBeast/status/1216746976756162560?s=19
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A while back I ran a big ol' poll that covered a huge bunch of topics relating to my art. It really helped me understand you all as my audience a lot better (while at the same time not surprising me too much...!). It was pretty fantastic to have a better idea of what everyone likes to see and wants to see. However, it was also more specific to the Fantasy universe. So, I'm planning on doing a more broad poll in the future! I'll be sure to update this Journal entry with a link to it, or add a link to the next Journal depending on when I'm able to get it done.
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As always, thank you all so much for your participation and enjoyment. I might be focused on doing work and my own things right now, but knowing there's folks here who enjoy my render stuff, stories, characters, wrestling imagery, or simply huge muscles, always makes me feel good and humble.

Cheers! <3

A fond greeting you all of you fond folks!

I've uploaded a nearly 30 page comic recently, and I'm almost half way finished with another I'll start uploading soon. I wanted to give a general update as it's been....sheesh, how many months, since I wrote a journal entry? And I had a really good streak of doing them monthly (or at least bi-monthly), too...!

So I'm doing work stuff right now, outside the US, working on a laptop and living in a tent. Might be upgraded to a shack, I dunno. Working days between 10 - 14 hours long, and my singular day off is Saturday. Now, I don't deserve an ounce of sympathy however, as I'm being paid generously for the work I'm doing--but I did want to share those details so you all get a better understanding of why I'm busy.

Lately I've set City of Heroes aside, and I'm back to playing WoW, might be on it for another couple months, we'll see. Obviously I don't have VR stuff right now, so I haven't been participating in VRChat related things sadly...! I'm definitely looking forward to when I head back to the states, sometime next year. But for this moment, let me give a rundown on the bigger things I've got going in my free time, and where I'm at with them:

WoW and Roleplaying
Alas, I've been spending a lot of my free time on World of Warcraft. The plus to this? I've also been getting back into roleplaying. So if you want to spend time with me, or through one of my characters, definitely let me know! You can send in-game mail to either of my main characters that are on Wyrmrest Accord:
"Brokul", a wrestling-obsessed Grappler Orc and...
"Gorön", a size-and-strength obsessed Mag'har Orc. Who also wrestles.
And just a pre-RP reminder that I'm a guy who prefers guys, loves wrestling and domination stuff (versitile), and don't really care for sex. I know, I'm weird (but then again, we're all weird, so I guess that makes me normal; take that, logic!)

City of Heroes and Roleplaying
Less so have I been spending time on City of Heroes. Maybe it's just the isolated environment I'm in at the moment, but I prefer Fantasy worlds to Modern Superhero worlds right now. My mood usually rotates once a month, but we'll see how things go for now. Let me know if you have any questions, curiosities or desires though! Maybe I can plan or offer something for the future!

Renders (MAWrestling)
I hate to type these words, but it's on hold for the time being. I'll be up on this: part of the reason that "Invitation To A Yeti" comic came out so quickly was because I'm improving my render techniques and optimizing them for speed over quality (while still making them look good). I've been continuing to work on these techniques, because I'm putting together a database of renders that would be used in a Visual Novel game, where you get to chose which character to follow, and who to spend the most time with. This is a huge undertaking for me however, and I'm still learning a lot. S'why it's been literally years (urgh, I hate typing that word too....) since any progress was seemingly made. I'm going to see what I can do while I'm out here, but I just don't know how much progress I'll make.

Renders (Fantasy)
Obviously I've made a lot of progress on the fantasy renders side of things! I put out a 29 page comic, and am almost half way through what might be a 35 - 40 page comic. I've already started sharing it on my Discord, and will be publishing the pages here on FA probably within the next few days. 5 pages at a time, but again, I share them on Discord as soon as I finish making them, so feel free to stop by if that's some incentive for ya'!

Renders (Superhero)
I've recently reconnected with the Webmaster over at Bearhugger.net, and have planned on uploading modern/superhero themed bearhugs to the site; especially after discovering some other folks had shared one or two of my works there already! There's definitely an audience to be had there, and as I know there are folks there who would probably love what I do, I'm very much encouraged to publish some stuff on that end of the internet as well. Might be starting this half way through December or towards Christmas however (as I'm still finishing the Fantasy stuff right now!)

Renders (Sci-Fi / Jungle Jam)
Yeah, like, a month ago...two months ago...I published a new page of Jungle Jam (featuring Ganzorig the alien bat dude, and a new ape character), and haven't done anything since. While the fantasy comic is my priority, and then Bearhugger.net stuff after that, I still want to put out some more pages of the Jungle Jam series, especially since I have a full blown script sitting here and everything...but I kind of lost inspiration on the characters, honestly. I wanted to do something big for the audience, as a run-up to testing what I could do with MAWrestling (when I initially planned it to be a simple comic series). I overextended myself, and underestimated how much time it would take to tell the story, and to render the story. These little matches I've been doing, with Brokul and the Yeti for example, have been much better because they're short, concise, and the story is neatly packaged within 30 pages or so. I don't want to give up Jungle Jam, but I might shorten the story I had planned, to try and get it finished sooner.

Everthing Else
I don't know whatelse I've really got going, so I'll say thank you so much for visiting, thank you for reading, and if you have any questions or comments, or just want someone with similar interests in masculine muscle and wrestling to share stories and fantasies with, don't hesitate to send me a Note, leave a Comment, or join me on my Discord! I appreciate all of you for taking the time, and hope I can continue to provide render art, stories and characters that appeal to you!!

Cheers!

Hulloooooooooooooooo!

Where to even begin. Life has been going along as normal for me, a few things popping up here and there but nothing too distracting or disorienting! Work has been busy, personal life has been comfortable, and I've been enjoying taking some time to myself. The sad consequence of that is that I've been neglecting all of you in a way, not responding to all the Comments that you wonderful folks have been leaving!

So, in the hour of down time I've got at work, I'm gonna start going through and responding to them. I hope you all have been enjoying the renders I've been throwing onto here, random though they may be! I want to finish up the Jungle Jam sci-fi comic featuring the alien man-bat Ganzorig, but I'm still finding my inspiration. I'll get to work on it when I can! MAWresting is kind of stagnate right now, and I apologize—I'm probably gonna use the characters in some miscellaneous wrestling matches just to make sure folks can get some enjoyment out of them, and to prevent the characters from just gathering dust on my hard-drive.

But again, I want to give a tremendous thanks to all of you for your views, your comments, your thoughts, suggestions, watches—everything you contribute inspires me, and motivates me, and even though I struggle with time management here and there, occasionally for longer periods of times than others, you all are a gigantic force of inspiration and pride. I'm glad you all like what I do, and hope you continue to enjoy my work well into the future. As always, never hesitate to share your thoughts and feelings in a Comment or Note, and other than that, have fun!!