I almost lost my life on Tuesday afternoon

I had to do a barium swallow for what I thought was an Achalasia diagnosis. I’ve been having issues with my stomach, to the point I had to be seen by 2 doctors to figure out what’s going on. All was fine prior to the barium test I’ve done, which was the 25th of June.

This Tuesday however, the 15th of July was when I almost said goodbye for good. I got really sick at work, and was in such bad pain that I had to leave early and have my grandma drive me to the emergency room. I then had to get an emergency ct scan on my abdomen, which then discovered that I had a small bowel obstruction with severe Peritonitis (which was what almost killed me) I had a dilated bowel caused by scarring from a previous hernia surgery, which almost ruptured my intestine and could’ve caused acute septic shock.

I was life flighted and spent 3 days in the hospital. I’m not fully at 100% but I’m nowhere near death as close as I was 3 days ago. I’m very tired, I lost 14lbs, and my voice is still hoarse but I’m here and I’m blessed to be alive! That was the scariest 3 days I ever had to face! I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone.

I wanted to come on here to let everyone know I will be gone for quite some time. Earlier this morning, my aunt tragically took her life. She locked herself in her room and shot herself with a gun. I can’t get the images of this out of my head, I’m devastated and stuck with wanting the why’s answered. I can’t shake the silence that followed after the police broke into her room, I can’t!

I can’t bring myself to type anymore, I’m beside myself in fear and shock. I don’t know when I will be back, please bear with me.

You never know about one’s story until they make the choice to speak out about it…I’m glad I’m here to let ones know (especially those with similar issues) we are strong.

I’ve been through a ton of abuse growing up. I’ve always been okay with the fact that my parents should’ve just vaporized me since they exposed me to things no child should have ever had to endure. Kinda feels like they “spared” us for the sake of not rotting in jail.

I was adopted when I was 7 officially, however, I was taken away from my parents when I was 4. Back then, child adoption was advertised in newspapers like animals in a shelter. I felt like an animal, and was okay feeling like that. I didn’t want a purpose.

My biological mom would beat me and my siblings so bad. She’d locked us up without food or water in a dirty room while she was out catching her next high, or sleeping with men to pay for drug money. There were times when she’d punish us just for crying because me and my siblings were hungry. She’d give her leftover food to the dog and whatever crumb he saved, was what we scrounged on. We were infested with lice, and ringworms. We were malnourished too.

My mom let men into her house to m***st me and my sisters so she could use that money for drugs. Recently, I found out that she tried to kill me. Her abuse went on and on. My sisters and I drank from the toilet using big Lego blocks, we’d even eat dog food. My mom beat me with an extension cord, and even took a knife to my face. I have the scar still here, and from what I was told, I needed 23 stitches in my face. She’d also take her pet cat named Isis and use her anger to attack and bite me while she got a kick and laugh about it.

My dad was a nobody. He was involved in violent gang activity and left us because gangs were a better option I guess. When l first saw him back in 2020, he took me around his neighborhood to tell and show his friends to me. I remember one asking why my dad didn’t have baby pictures of me hanging in his home…that was just so sad. :/

I was adopted by a wonderful person…but she had her moments, too. She expected so much from me…she made it seem like I had to work to earn my adoption rights. I remember being r*ped by my cousin. I remember him assaulting me and saying how nobody would care because I’m not even family. He used that as a means to justify his sick perversions.

Because I have been exposed to such violent and abusive situations, I flinch easily, I scare so easily too. This is just a tiny piece of what I dealt with while young. There was even times where I’d be judged just for being half white. My mom would say, “I could’ve never married your father.” Then she laughed.

Things seemed to get worse getting older. I won’t tell everything but I do want to let the many out there who is in this type of thing, you’re not alone.

I’m glad I found art as a form of therapy, but I can’t shake the fact that sometimes I feel like a malignant tumor on this dirt circle….

My story is so much more darker than this. I could add a lot more to this, but I’ll keep it brief. Thank you for reading. I hope you’re all well.