I have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if I don't remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world is still there. Do I believe the world's still there? Is it still out there?... Yeah. We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we really are. I'm no different... Now where was I?

And it's happening
Never planned on this
You got something I need
Kind of dangerous
And I'm losing control
I'm not used to this
What you want from me?
I'm not used to this
Can't seem to shut it off
This thing I've begun
And it's hard to tell—just
Where it's coming from
And it's hard to see
What I'm capable of
And it's hard to believe—just
What I've become

Hey
Can we stop?
Me, I'm not

I can swallow it down
Keep it all inside
I define myself
By how well I hide
Feel it coming apart
Well at least I tried
I can win this war
By knowing not to fight
If I take it all back
Some way somehow
If I knew back then
What I know right now

Hey
Can we stop?
Me, I'm not

See the animal in his cage that you built,
Are you sure what side you're on?
Better not look him too closely in the eye,
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
See the safety of the life you have built
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart
And it's all, right where it belongs

What if everything around you,
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is that all you want to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks,
Would you find yourself, find yourself afraid to see?

What if all the worlds inside of your head,
Just creations of your own?
Your devils and your Gods, all the living and the dead
And you're really all alone?
You could live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can't find the woods
While you're hiding in the trees

What if everything around you,
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you used to know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is that all you want to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks,
Would you find yourself, find yourself afraid to see?

oh man, I can't believe that you did what they said
you did and to this day I've still gotta say that in
my mind I question it I wish I knew what you had
meant before you went and left me wondering to
just an echo of your voice
'listen...listen…listen…listen'

now I wait to take my turn to bleed like a kid playing
with a razorblade and wonder if I have the
balls at all or am I gonna be afraid where are
you? what do you think? cuz I’m not sure when
knocking at death's door if I will be welcome in
or be left alone outside

I hear the sound of a heart
from the shadow in the dark
waiting for the poison to hit its mark
(listen--my son)

I see the darkness
surround the shape on the ground the
killer straight up and a body face
down (firstborn-last one)

I hear the
din of the screams, sorrow in streams
the smell of farewell and gasoline
(listen--my son)

I see a heart set free
and my legacy hear a voice from a
shadow that is beckoning me
(firstborn-last one)

I guess there comes a point when you
think to yourself "this isn't worth it, it
isn't worth it" and now I feel what you felt,
and now I feel what you felt inside brother
and now I feel what you felt
this isn't worth it, it isn't worth it

I hear the sound of a heart
from the shadow in the dark
waiting for the poison to hit its mark
(listen--my son)

I see the darkness
surround the shape on the ground the
killer straight up and a body face
down (firstborn-last one)

I hear the
din of the screams, sorrow in streams
the smell of farewell and gasoline
(listen--my son)

I see a heart set free
and my legacy hear a voice from a
shadow that is beckoning me
(firstborn-last one--listen)


I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't end this way.
I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't end this way.
I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't end this way.
I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't end this way.
I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't end this way.
I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't end this way.

live a life in hell through a mortal shell asphyxiating
smell for a crime lifetime imagination
locked in a cell and to the other
firstborn, I see the same scene that
must play over in your mind and now
how much more I'm sure it's fucked with
your head just like it's fucked up mine.
"listen my son-firstborn last one"
the message you sent out to me-I can not
change what's meant to be
the message you sent out to me-I can not
change what's meant to be

what am I supposed to do now?

I hear the sound of a heart
from the shadow in the dark
waiting for the poison to hit its mark
[hit its mark hit its mark]

I see the darkness
surround the shape on the ground the
killer straight up and a body face
down
body face down body face down

I hear the
din of the screams, sorrow in streams
the smell of farewell and gasoline
(listen)

I see a heart set free
and my legacy hear a voice from a
shadow that is beckoning me
(my son)

I hear the sound of a heart
from the shadow in the dark
waiting for the poison to hit its mark
(listen--my son)

I see the darkness
surround the shape on the ground the
killer straight up and a body face down
(firstborn-last one)

I hear the
din of the screams, sorrow in streams
the smell of farewell and gasoline
(listen--my son)

I see a heart set free
and my legacy hear a voice from a
shadow that is beckoning me
(firstborn-last one)

firstborn
You are the last one--firstborn

"Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration – that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather."

I'm supposed to act like they aren't here. Assuming there's a "they" at all. It may just be my imagination. Whatever it is that's watching, it's not human. It doesn't ever blink. What does a scanner see? Into the head? Down into the heart? Does it see into me, into us? Clearly or darkly? I hope it sees clearly, because I can't any longer see into myself. I see only murk. I hope for everyone's sake the scanners do better. Because if the scanner sees only darkly, the way I do, then I'm cursed and cursed again. I'll only wind up dead this way, knowing very little, and getting that little fragment wrong too.

Fear no more the heat o' th' sun
Nor the furious winters' rages;
Thou thy worldly task hast done,
Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages.
Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.

The sceptre, learning, physic, must
All follow this and come to dust.

Fear no more the frown o' th' great;
Thou art past the tyrant's stroke.
Care no more to clothe and to eat;
To thee the reed is as the oak.
The sceptre, learning, physic, must
All follow this and come to dust.

All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee and come to dust.

Fear no more the lightning flash,
Nor th' all-dreaded thunder stone;
Fear not slander, censure rash;
Thou hast finished joy and moan.
All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee and come to dust.

Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn beyond the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.

Black then white are all I see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me.
lets me see there is so much more
and beckons me to look through to these infinite possibilities.
As below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn outside the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition leaving all these opportunities behind.

Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
of our divinity and still be a human.

With my feet upon the ground I lose myself
between the sounds and open wide to suck it in,
I feel it move across my skin.
I'm reaching up and reaching out,
I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.

Spiral out. Keep going, going...