Recently came out to a couple of friends.
Recently coming out apparently doesn't change a whole helluva lot.
I'm likely too scared to hit on people myself. I AM. I don't know really how to deal.
My parents are trying to look out for me but just get on my nerves.
I can't focus.
I wish to draw and paint but lack the drive.
I don't know if I should stay or just get the fuck out of here.
I can't. My band is here.
My job depresses me. (more a few lines down on that)
My Dad after over 9 years sober fell hard off the wagon and is in debt and suicidal.
I'm a lot like my dad in many ways which sort of scares me.
I don't know how or even think I can really help him.
I always second guess my thoughts and plans
Thinking about (..not..) picking up selling weed (not hard core but to me it seems like it). Lots of contacts for it..
Employer is trying to fuck me around and out of my job and severance.
I can't work my jobs new hours due to free recording studio time and teaching guitar.
Focusing on not fucking up the opportunity to record for free.
I should be better at guitar on a technical level.
Is creativity enough to keep on alone realistically.
Job searching.
Music/passion over stability/income.
Debating school for music/jazz.
I don't have the fundage for it.
Is it worth it/Will it pay out in the end?
Happy or just scrapping by.

Life tries too hard to be fun sometimes I think. Things will work out I hope.

Know exactly who they are
And I will build their protection with bloody hands.

1. ( ) Have you ever howled at the moon?
2. (x) Have you ever barked at someone? (many people cuz I'm stupid and can replicate a decent dog bark)
3. (x) Have you ever found yourself drawing or scribbling furry art when you're supposed to be doing something else? (Way too frequently)
4. ( ) Have you ever worn an animal costume or tail as a child and pretended to be an animal?
5. ( ) Have you ever eaten out of a dog bowl?
6. (x) Have you been to at least one furry con?
7. (x) Do you like to look at furry porn all the time?(not all the time! Jesus.)
8. (x) Do you RP or play second life as a furry character? (not a whole lot and I have no interest in SL)
9. (x) Do you own a fursuit or at least a tail? (A dobie tail I purchased at anthrofest some years back. I don't wear it though)
10. (x) Do you know what all these words mean or have used them at least once?
11. ( ) Do you have at least 5 videos of you acting or doing something furry on youtube?
12. ( ) Has your anthropersona/character been drawn in a furry porn type manner? (I don't really have a specific character)
13. ( ) Are you well known in the furry fandom? (nope I'm a loser or too cool for that. IDK.)
14. (x) Do you dream furry while you sleep? (it's happened. Also while on psychedelics)
15. ( ) Would you transform into your character/fursona if you were given the chance to live like that for the rest of your life? (I don't know. Probably not)
16. (x) Have you ever worn a collar?
17. ( ) Do you own more than 20 art badges of your fursonas or characters?
18. ( ) Have you been to more than 20 furry cons in your lifetime?
19. ( ) Do you think that deep down you have the spirit of an animal within you?
20. (x) Do you enjoy hanging out with other furries? (sometimes. I've had awkward experiences a few times)
21. ( ) Do you think we should have a furry run for president of the USA?
22. ( ) If you ever became rich would you own a room in your house that was just to display your fursuits or furry art?
23. ( ) Is your best friend furry?
24. (x) Does your furry friends call you by your furry name in public? (my fur name is pretty much my real name)
25. (x) Have you been in the furry fandom for at least 5 years?

1 to 5 = Furry wannabe.
6 to 10 = Furry newbie.
11 to 15 = Furry.
16 to 20 = Hardened Furry.
21 to 25 = Hardcore Furry.

Yep, so I'll be away for a bit not that is much different then the norm but whatever.

Anyway  deeplydisturbd  knightblazer there buddy Don along with his sister were in town from Quebec/Montreal for Anime north. So I got to chill with them for a pretty enjoyable evening. Haven't seen them for a year the last time they came so it was awesome to spend some time with 'em again.

Anyways peace. Love ya!

https://youtu.be/F4Sxm6zx4e8

https://youtu.be/MTo5xabHtgo

And my favorite

https://youtu.be/2Q-rvbYQ5f0

Fuck you
I want to stab you in the throat
Put you in a bag
And throw you off a bridge

About a month ago I was gonna write a journal of something that I felt good about at my job. Then for the past month they reminded me how much fucking bullshit it is.

Sorry about angst crap. Clearly it is too much to expect for people to do there job properly. Hell I'd settle for half assing it so long as it gets done. I'm just so fed up of fixing everyone's else's fuck ups and now I threw out my lower back because I was forced into a position where I couldn't use all the proper tools and machines to get the task done as per norm.

Annnnnyway..

I'm moving out at the end of May to an apartment downtown with the 3 super chill awesome friends. I'm excited and sort of nervous about it since I've always had a place to myself and privacy to do my stupid doodles and gay shit that is gay. It'll be fine I think I'm just getting ahead of myself. Maybe it'll help me y'know make that known.. I dunno yet. Time will tell! :D

Welp.. Thanks for listening if you did. I'm gonna medicate my sore as hell back with some bowls and a few beers and watch Community C:

and the rest is for me!

Happy St. Patties day :3

The Planet Smashers tonight! UNF.
I will dance/skank it up with some boys oh my! D:

Then me and a few pals will trot to a party my singer is throwing. Fun night ahoy.

Oh Mama, ain’t no time to fall to pieces
He has arrived, he has arrived
There by the Grace of God go I
I don’t know what they mean
I don’t know what they mean and I say
Ah…

Oh My Love, now I can believe you’re leaving
Seen through your eyes, seen through your eyes
There by the Grace of God go I
I don’t know what they mean
I don’t know what they mean and I say
Oh…

I hear the rapture’s coming; they say he’ll be here soon
(They say)
Right now there’s demons crawling all around my room
(All around my room)
They say he lives within us; they say for me he died
(They say)
And now I hear his footsteps almost every night
(Almost every night)

Oh Children, this is where they come to take me away from here
I don’t know what they mean
I don’t know what they mean and I say
Ah…

Love that way
Be done
Love that way
Be done
Love that way
Be done
Love that way
Be done


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRlZ3pfUMYw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT35Tp3AMDw&feature=related

Hahaha Awesome tune. Humorous Video.

Every time I have popped on facebook the suggestions area tells me to reconnect with my bud who just passed.. It's a bummer. I like seeing the pics of good times though but still..

In lighter news my band seems to have a show set up finally come early Feb with real bands that are signed and have managers. Legit. We aren't legit but we'll still rock the fuck out of the place.

So before a friends gig I'm attending (could be a really big deal for 'em) I am meeting a few friends and others who are also going meeting up at this bar in the gay district due to where a buddy lives. Yes he is gay needless to say. Anyway besides the homo and girls going my buddy pleaded with me to go as to not be the only straight dude there since his girlfriend is going. LOL pfffft lol. I'M STRAIGHT.. Should be fun and interesting. Hopefully not awkward.

So I'm going to a gay bar as a gay straight guy or something..

It's winter!

Merry Christmas and happy holidays. Another crazy, hard to put together year passes by.

• Pick your Artist:
Tool

• Are you a male or female?
Hooker With A Penis

• Describe yourself:
Useful Idiot

• How do you feel:
Cold and Ugly

• Describe where you currently live:
Lost Keys

• If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
The Gaping Lotus Experience

• Your favorite form of transportation:
Crawl Away

• What did you get on your last Birthday?
Pot

• Your best friend is:
Sober

• You and your best friends are:
Part of Me

• What's the weather like:
4 Degrees

• Favorite moment:
Reflection

• If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Jimmy

• What is life to you:
Vicarious

• Your last relationship:
Intermission

• Your fear:
Ticks and Leeches

• What is the best advice you have to give:
Pushit

• Thought for the Day:
Message to Harry Manback

• How I would like to die:
Flood

• My soul's condition:
The Patient

• Most Faithful Companion:
Third Eye

• My motto:
Jerk-Off

Encompassing you in a darkening sky
While the clouds that weep for the dead pass you by
A stark reminder that your life is still mine
A grimace of delight at the prospect of an end

Quietly drawn from your home
Miles from the familiar borne on wings sad and old
A threatening skyline will harbour your fears
Devastation forgotten in previous years

Wanted to shuffle my last journal off my main page.

This kid is amazing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_MrxgLz-v0&feature=related - Smells like teen spirit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YEXMU711y0&feature=related - All along the watchtower

All of them are very cool and nice to listen to c:

MEME THING
Kissed any one of your Furaffinity friends? — Yes I have

Been arrested? — Yes I have been

Kissed someone you didn't like? — Sort of

Slept in until 5 PM? — I don't think I ever have actually

Fallen asleep at work/school? — this is a very resounding YES

Held a snake? — Yea, just garden snakes though.

Ran a red light? — On a bike very many times.

Been suspended from school? — Maybe for like a day. I got away with mostly everything cuz I got good marks c:

Experienced love at first sight? — Nope

Totaled your car in an accident? — I can't afford a car! D:

Been fired from a job? — Nope

Fired somebody? — Haven't had the pleasure yet

Sung karaoke? — Yes.. I really don't care for it

Pointed a gun at someone? — Hell naw

Did something you told yourself you wouldn't? — Yep

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? — Yes

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? — Yup

Kissed in the rain? — Nope

Had a close brush with death (your own)? — Yes

Saw someone die? — Yes

Played Spin-the-Bottle? — Yes

Smoked a cigar? — You bet

Sat on a rooftop? — A bunch of times on various roofs

Smuggled something into another country? — Nope

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? — Nope

Broken a bone? — Yup. My collar bone scraping with a bud. It was an accident lol

Skipped school? — Use to all the freakin' time

Eaten a bug? — haha I don't think so

Walked on a moonlit beach? — Yup. Alone.

Ridden a motorcycle? — Yes

Dumped someone? — Yeah

Forgotten your anniversary? — I guess

Lied to avoid a ticket? — Yep heh

Ridden in a helicopter? — Nope

Shaved your head? — Yep

Blacked out from drinking? — Yes. More times then I'd like to admit

Played a prank on someone? — Yup

Hit a home run? — I sure have! :D

Felt like killing someone? — Yes

Cross-dressed? — Nope

Been falling-down drunk? — Again, more times then I'd like to admit xD

Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? — I'm not entirely sure on that one..

Eaten snake? — Nope

Marched/Protested? — Yep

Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? — Yes. Worst pet EVER

Puked on an amusement ride? — Nope

Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? — Yuhuh

Knitted? — Nope

Been on TV? — Yes I have. NBC news! and some other little things.

Shot a gun? — Yep

Skinny-dipped? — Nopers

Given someone stitches? — They probably needed to get some yes

Eaten a whole habenero pepper? — Yes

Ridden a surfboard? — No

Drunk straight from a liquor bottle? — THERE'S ANOTHER WAY!? O:

Had surgery? — Not really no. Gum graft surgery I don't think that really qualifies though

Streaked? — Nope

Been taken by ambulance to a hospital? — Yus

Tripped on mushrooms? — Yes

when NOT drinking? — Yes, beer tastes weird I find on teh shroomies

Peed on a bush? — Behind a bush yeah

Donated Blood? — No

Grabbed an electric fence? — Yeah but it was for squirrels and such and I wanted to see how painful it was. It hurt for a little but nothing shaking your hand for a minute and having your hand numb for 40 minutes won't cure.

Eaten alligator meat? — Nope

Eaten cheesecake? — Absolutely

Killed an animal when not hunting? — Just bugs and I did kill a pigeon with a sling shot by accident.

Peed your pants in public? — No thank god xD

Snuck into a movie without paying? — You bet

Written graffiti? — Yes to that back in the day

Still love someone you shouldn't? — No

Think about the future? — Yes, frequently

Been in handcuffs? — Yes

Believe in love? — Yeah

Bungee jump? — Nope

Drowned? — Only in a dream I had

Kicked some guy in his jewels? — Nope

Ass faced? — umm no?

Ever had suicidal thoughts? — Yea I have

Overbearingly long journal on my page is now complete.

A good close friend of mine committed suicide last night... I feel rather devastated and fucked. He is one of the best people I've ever known.

God damn it. ... My soul feels like it is wrenching out of itself.. I pray for him and the family especially his brother whom is even closer to me. (and please don't ask more here I've said all I can take)

fuck

I find it slightly amusing that my username here (in furry land) is unverified and my job; part of it at least, is to constantly verify things.. The word verify gets thrown around a lot.. XP

I've also still been writing metal tunes with the band a bunch still. I just haven't posted much of it as there is not much point as of yet but I've been working on a tune that I'm really getting into. From my standpoint it's kind of like an internal dialogue of split personalities or emotions rather I guess. "Drifting between a comfortable calm and an overwhelming sense of insecurity" and the music kind of goes back between those two vibes. It's interesting and I'm having a great deal of fun with it.

My singers girlfriend made a gay joke about me. She put a post it note of a cock over a spliff I was smoking in a photograph and showed it to damn near everyone at a house cooling party. CLEVER AND SUBTLE. lol
I got pretty polluted at that party. I'm really gonna miss that house. Lots of fun times and just regular blah chill times and jamming.. :C Godspeed first floor of house and huge backyard.

Also there is some furry meet up thing today. I have band practice and a B-day party I should make an appearance at but I could still make the end of the meet. Should I go?
I'm debating it. I'll probably just wing the whole night and flake on it but I dunno.. I don't know like anybody furry wise here lol

Anywhos I love this performance http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scCxx4fgJwA

G'day =3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-BzWuc16GE&feature=PlayList&p=EEBC6E1F4CC69217&index=0

Now I've known about this for a little bit but OH MY CHRIST.

^___________^

THEM CROOKED VULTURES
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYYdli0P8YI&feature=related

Lester William Polsfuss 6/9/1915 - 8/13/2009

This guy man.. THIS GUY. I just heard about it today, least he lived a long full life. RIP.

In other news I'm going to see this Norwegian horror comedy Dead Snow. Kind of has that evil dead/shaun of the dead vibe. PLUS IT HAS NAZI ZOMBIES! You can't go wrong with a premise like that.

Sooo my friend wants me to do some picture thingy on the underside of he's long board.. I passively agreed I suppose. So I would like to know what exactly would be the ideal method to go about this is? Just treat it like a wood canvas and prime it.. Would I have to paint? I'd like to be able to use some sort of marker rather then a brush and I suppose a lacquer would be needed afterwards. I don't really know how to go about it I haven't painted in years so a lil help would be appreciated.

P.S.
He also wants one of my dog guy thingers for it. He suggested the hanging dog guy from that pic I did xP So I kind of got flustered/embarrassed immediately but he wants it. Soooo okay, cool I guess.

 khamul Tagged me.

THE RULES...
1) Post these rules
2) Post 8 true things about yourself
3) At the end you must tag 8 people and post their icons
4) Go to their page and send them a message saying you tagged them
5) NO TAG-BACKS

FACTS

1. I have a scar right above my right eye (5 or 6 stitches. Stupid story really.)

2. I recently bought a new guitar. I got the black one.. > http://www.espguitars.com/guitars_pb.html
- P-rail pick ups are sweet.

3. People tend to think I'm a cool and a interesting person. I really don't know why most of the time to be honest.

4. I once when I was quite young tried to stab-kick my brother at the same time. I thought it would be a devastating combo. He had made me extremely furious. The end result... Me stabbing myself in the leg pretty badly XD Lesson learned.

5. I probably say at least 5 times a day if not more at work that; "I hate this place" or some variation of that. No lie. I'm not alone in this either.

6. I don't watch TV but I do follow a few shows online.

7. Although I'm pretty social and do a bunch of things with my friends my personality is largely introverted.

8. I had strawberries this morning for breakfast. Handpicked and shit. Thanks Grandma! :P ^-^

TAGS

 plexadonn
 dragonmayne
 fidelio-roo
 gothicpaladin
 raindance
 zombiedog
 buck
 rocko

I don't care if you guys do this or not just filling in the space but there you go.

Peace!

So first off happy Canada day guys! Fuck the 4th of July I don't get time off.

Anywho for the precursor; It was my singers cousins birthday from Australia and a Canada day keg'er party deal blah blah blah I got drunk and very happy and cool with everyone. Some people showed up that I didn't even expect to! But to the point..

I got home safely, awoke 3 hours later and needed a smoke BADLY. Why the fuck I got up so early must be chocked up to routine... I get my pack 1 left! Dear god cutting it close.. so I go out and grab a beer (hangover cure folks) and this dude I've seen a few times around sort of looks homeless but isn't apparently. Anyway his dog a shep mix of some sort it seemed got free and ran up to the inclined part of the sidewalk and started barking at this guy/owner from above through a railing. Just taunting the hell outta him. The guy is all up in arms trying to get his dog down. He tries to reach him/her it barks then runs across to the other side of a big ass bush and barks more at him. So the guys is pacing back and forth trying to get his dog down. The guy is getting pissed and you could tell the dog was having some fun. This cycle continued for about a whole 15 minutes back and forth before they went back on there way. It doesn't sound that funny as I type this but you had to be there I guess. It was quite amusing, I was cracking up laughing at the guy cheering the dog on it my drunken stupor. Smoking does have its benefits it would seem!

Hope you guys are well!
Take it ease.

Did people start dying!?..

and so it goes..