gofund.me/l7u6cs

CW: sexual assault, transmisogyny
I know I've been mostly inactive here, at least posting-wise. This is a long and heavy post, but I'm infinitely grateful to anyone who reads this.

This is going to be difficult for me to write about, but it's important for me to talk about this, as it's something I have been very silent about, intentionally. I've tried to write about this on social media for a while, but each time, I get overwhelmed and just find it easier to stop thinking about the situation again.

On March 25th last year, 2014, I was sexually assaulted in public, by a stranger. I went out to purchase food for my pet Spagett, a royal python and I was approached in the store by a person who engaged me in conversation. I felt uncomfortable and politely dismissed the conversation. On my way out of the store, I stopped in the back to use the restroom, and while in there, was assaulted by the same person. After they told me that they would meet me out front after I had broken free of them, I left the restroom and made my way to the cashier as fast as possible, hoping to make it out of the store before this person so I could just get in my car as fast as possible and leave. I had no thoughts of retribution, no desire for justice. I just wanted to be safe. But while I was making my purchase, they walked out of the store and proceeded to wait in the parking lot for me. What ensued was me running through the parking lot trying to escape them while they got into their truck and chased me down. I was able to evade by ducking into another store and running out of the back while they parked, trying to pursue me. I ran through yet another store, exiting and running around the perimeter of the shopping center, still just trying to run away and get back to my car. It was only after getting back to my car, changing shirts to attempt to use any disguise possible, and starting to drive away that I saw my abuser waiting outside, pacing, waiting for me. I knew then that I needed to phone the police.

I have struggled with mental illness since high school, which varied in intensity throughout the years until my abuse happened. I have since been clinically diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder, due to which I have extensive ongoing medical treatment including violence recovery counselling, therapy, regular doctor and psychiatry visits, and multiple prescription medications that I need to be even mildly functional.

After the assault, my mental illnesses grew to their breaking points. I was unable to focus, scared to go outside, constantly tense and nervous, unable to relax or let go of terrible feelings that dominated me every day. I would cry at work, fall asleep in class, and lost multiple close friends because I became too emotionally draining to be around. I had nightmares which involved me in variations of being chased, raped, murdered, and dismembered every night, and would wake up distressed and upset. This, combined with the escalating racial tension and transphobia in the news, triggered my gender dysphoria which I had buried for years, and anxiety on a daily basis. In October I was fired from my job after responding to a racist comment my boss had made, but was fired under the guise of a one month suspension.

What followed was a further downward spiral where I ended up needing to drop out of school to hospitalize myself for a few months because social interation was consistently debilitating to me. After making significant progress in the hospital, I was discharged. However, my living situation at the time was filled with strife and negatively impacted my mental state. Because of this, I had to leave abruptly and look for other housing.

During my interim between housing situations, I needed to stay on the dining room floor of a family member's house, during which I was fortunate enough to secure a slightly over two month temporary internship and worked part-time while I figured out my situation and where to go next. Unfortunately, living with family was emotionally draining because I was told that my transness was not only "bizarre," but also not to express any of it while around them. At the beginning of this month, my internship ended and I moved into my new apartment in Medford.

I have been looking for work since, which is difficult because I am disabled and am still working on the process of getting SSDI/SSI, and unemployment denied me benefits because I was in a hospital at the time of application, and they assumed this meant I was unable to work (I am pending a hearing to attempt to resolve this).

I currently have a job offer from my family, however I probably will have the offer rescinded if I go in presenting as anything other than male, which I no longer have any interest in doing at this point in my life. Unfortunately, there is no way to press pause on bills while you secure income. June's rent due date is rapidly approaching and the money I had saved from my internship is rapidly dwindling. I nearly lost my car to the insurance company this month, and was only able to keep it through a loved one's financial help. With rent, utilities including coin-operated laundry machines, groceries, my prescriptions (some of which I have not started yet due to not being able to afford them), my hormones which I have not yet started, and any number of unforeseen expenses and emergency expenditures which may or may not present themselves as I and my roommates adjust to living in a new apartment, and as I begin my social and medical transition. There's also me possibly getting a service dog to help me with my posttraumatic stress disorder and anxiety-related attacks, dissociation, etc., however a service dog will easily cost around $15,000. I opened this GoFundMe as a last resort due to the circumstances I am in, hoping at the least that it will help until I secure an income. My target goal is the minimum living wage for the months I have been out of work. I still have debts from my time off of work that I've been unable to pay thus far, such as parking tickets from my time at the hospital where parking was not included on campus. On top of that, I hope to be able to continue my education this fall if all goes right. I'm really hoping to start a new chapter in my life and to be able to move upward in a positive direction, where I can be happy with myself and feel secure in my own skin and with my life. After seeing other GoFundMe projects take off, I decided that it is the best idea right now to give it a go myself.

Thank you so much for reading this. Any contribution helps, and you have no idea how much I appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart.

BROO

What would you do? Contemplating it.

Hey wasn't that dog dick stuck on the front screen terrible yes haha I'll be here all week bye.

Today birth day.

I'm twenty-one and that's weird? Hello to everyone how are you?

m

I wanted to apologize for being away for so long. Between August and November, I have lost both of my cats, who were twelve and fourteen, respectively. I, being twenty, have had them for most of my life, so it's been extremely difficult to have had to put both of them down and feel so scared and helpless. I have been hardly reaching out to anyone at all and sometimes the sadness would be unbearable.

With things being this way, I have had consistent lack of drive to really create any artwork. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I still feel so lost and confused.

Thank you to everyone who has been there for me. If you're reading this, thank you. It sounds melodramatic, but support means more than you can imagine. IDK... I know there are some really nice people on here. I'd like to make more things and talk to more people. I just feel like I need some kind of push. Glad you're alive.

Thank you. Thank you. Hello. Thank you.

I'm gonna be there Thursday to Monday.




I look like this https://twitter.com/_________666___.....47385457803264
uh that's it bye.

Hello.

RIP like every cool artist on here OK not every one but lots. I could start listing.

Also, my installation was not a tight enough fit with the theme of the show, so it's probably too late to re-enter now.

I've entered an installation of mine from 2010, closure into an art show/happening in New York. Wish me luck~! I'll keep you peeps updated.

Please check out  Flareon, their art is so precious. Maybe like the Belle and Sebastian of FurAffinity. Wait I think  Watery holds that spot. Check them out they are best best best.

Anyone wanna trade last.fm stuff? I'm SleepinggPills if you wanna friend me.



I'd like to write long things about people and stuff but just too tired to do anything right now ugh.

Art is not allowed to be challenging or break any rules. Art cannot be offensive, pose any unpopular opinions, or question the viewer. All art must be beautiful and never ugly. Art is required to have the quality of being easy to understand. In fact, no art is better than any art with these characteristics.

"The whole 420 thing is a myth; there's no such thing as marijuana, nor is there a number between 419 and 421."
-- lawson

What if I made as account, didn't tell anyone about it, and only posted art in scraps?

Hey it's just me your girl UserRED13, holla! Made a new video peace, smoochezx.

I want to make a lion character and his name is going to be Gucci Mane.

Do people want to see more work from me?

( Y / N )



If so, anything specific you think I should do?
Any ideas?
Mediums?

"I am a Mortician. When i'm working on a body I put this song on and put the headphones over there ears. life is beautiful.."

If I opened myself to commissions, would anyone actually take any?

OK, so I see everyone talking about FurAffinity getting hacked and notes being released and stuff, all sensitive information in notes to be taken away and everything.

I mean, I think the only personal thing I have in my notes is my Social Security number, it's like 292-31-8483, I use it for my password for everything, but whatever. I don't know.

This whole thing is silly.

Hey all, looking for some music advice.

My friends and I are planning a haunted yard thing at a friend's house on Halloween night for the trick-or-treaters and I'm in charge of music. I'm looking for genuinely unsettling tracks and stuff that would make people nervous, because that shit they sell at iParty is lame and cheesy.


So far I got:

† heksen: Halloweenmixtape1
Throbbing Gristle: "Hamburger Lady"
Salem: I BURIED MY HEART INNA WOUNDED KNEE
NǽnøĉÿbbŒrğ VbëřřĦōlökäävsŦ: "Supermassive Illuminating Celestial Plasma Concentration (Part VII: Antares, 1108430000)" (Excerpt)

And I probably can get my hands of a shitload of pretty lame stuff if I need to (generic Halloween CDs/Nox Arcana/Midnight Syndicate). Halloweenmixtape1 and I BURIED MY HEART INNA WOUNDED KNEE would probably be playing from a "crashed" car in the driveway (not very loudly), as they both contain long parts that, while they may be a bit darker, aren't immediately "scary" or unsettling. They'd be more things the kids hear when they walk by the car itself. The main stuff would be much louder, able to be heard from the street, played from the house.



Also, does anyone know Gobble Gobble?