really its just
on this site there is
so
so
so much porn and fetish stuff like no wonder people see the entire fandom as gross and weird

i finally turned the sfw on just so i dont have to wade through pages of porn to find something decent that i can show to some non-furry friends

to  generalanonymous for being my 50th watcher
i uh
thank you all
very much
ill get back to drawing as soon as i can but really thank you

with strep throat
and
i really dont have the patience to draw
and im in a lot of pain
so im not gonna work on anything for a few days
bleh

you guys are really cool seriously
i never thought id have almost 50 people liking my art enough to stick around for more

if i have time ill probably do a little thank you drawing (currently working on some kitsune^2 fanart thing so uh,, we will see how that goes)
but yeah thanks ( v//w//v)

as much as i love taking requests and drawing for people
i really dont have the time to do it any more without getting anything else out of it

so relatively soon after i get all my other requests filled out ill start taking commissions
nothin hella expensive though i really dont have it it me to charge much for my bleh art

anyway just thought id
make that little announcement

if my boyfriend shows up tell him i joined the circus -ollies outie-

hi
so
i wasnt around for the holidays
so merry christmas/happy holidays happy new year and all that stuff
uh
i got new drawing stuff and some movies and a new phone
so thats nice
youve probably noticed i post less and less often
because
i have college stuff to finish(start)
and friends that wont leave me alone
and then when i have free time im too busy playing fallout 3 and watching lets plays on the youtubes
but i do have several gift stuff in the works (which i should have already had done) that i will post when they are done in a few days
so
yeh
back to fallout 3




(((3 > new vegas)))

hi its been two months since my last update so here
things that have changed since my last update
-i got the boy ive loved for two years and hes amazing
thats about it also i got pokemon black 2 and its great but fuck completing the national dex holy shit

regarding my depression its still rampant
and im trying to get it checked out so i can get on medication but my father says nothings wrong with me
also it would be expensive and we are poor
so idk
i see a counselor once a week but it doesnt help much
my boyfriend always helps tremendously unless its really that bad
overall not much has changed unless youre me??? idk what im even talking about anymore
thanks for reading i guess ill try to draw more bye

yea i know
im lazy
and unproductive
and a waste of space
ill get back to drawing soon since i have some full sketchbook pages (expect ponies ive been real into mlp lately)

anyway as far as mood goes im feeling better but often i have bad waves of depression
ive started seeing a counselor so hopefully ill get a little help
im also nervous/anxious a lot and want to get checked for an anxiety disorder since this has been a problem my whole life but my father wont let me cause he says its just a teen problem and all teens go through it
uh no
not to this extent i highly doubt

so yea just an update

(also i have an account on equestria forums now so if youre there stop by and say hello to vade)

if you're easily offended i highly recommend you pass this by

basically a week or so ago i started watching mlp mostly cause i wanted to get a better grasp on the pony anatomy so i could draw them for friends
within a day i was invited to a brony group on facebook thats sole purpose was to live and breathe ponies

but i knew the fandom was not a good place to be. i wasn't stupid, i've been around, and from what i've seen there are a lot of shitheads in the fandom that support racism, sexism and transphobic tendencies, among other things

i am not saying everyone in the fandom is like this. i just know the fandom is notorious for these qualities.

i stated in the group that i did not want to be a brony, and that i will never be a brony, because i did not want to be a part of a fandom that is known for all these horrible things. i stated it politely and asked that they not call me a brony, a very simple request, so i thought.

but then they got onto me about it, said i will be a brony eventually and now every post i make in the group has comments like "so u a brony yet" or "brony in denial" and now i just want to leave the group
i told them what i thought of their fandom in a rage and they demanded proof because apparently they don't browse enough to see the blatant offenses of a lot of bronies in the fandom
so i gathered up articles and evidence, print screens of skype chats with friends and comments left on ask blogs and art all showing how bad the fandom can be. the leader of the group just whined and said i should ignore the bad of the fandom and be a part of it anyway. i could never do that. no way. i refuse to be a part of something so shitty, sorry.

they still wont leave me alone about it. i've discussed this problem and the fandom in general with friends who used to be a part of it and they all agree with me. several of them have been harassed in to closing ask blogs for pony OCs and deleting any pony art they've done

i'm sorry if i offend anyone but if youre a part of the fandom and think its all rainbows and gumdrops then you need a reality check. and if you stand up for and support bronies who harass and even harm others physically or mentally then i don't want to speak with you.

everything seems like its going okay for now
so i guess ive come back
but with school starting soon and hopefully me landing a job
drawing wont happen as often
i will make an effort to check back in whenever i can
as far as requests go
ill get to them when i get to them
sorry for putting them off so much
thanks to everyone for bein supportive

i think
things are finally starting to pick up
but if i explain it it probably wont make since because i never fully explained why i was depressed in the first place
basically i have this friend
a best friend
a best friend that i actually like a whole lot more than a best friend if you catch my drift
he has feelings for me to and i guess just when it looked like we were going to form a relationship he took a vacation out of state

and then texted me about 2 weeks ago or so saying he may not be coming back

and it tore me up

after a conversation a few days ago i just stopped bottling in all my sadness and it hit me hard
but tonight we talked a lot and it turns out he will be coming back on the 21st
he just...isnt sure if its permanent or not
he says there is a small chance he will be going back to CO to attend school
but right now i could really care less especially if its a small chance and not a 100% chance
im just excited to see him again
and if he stays i may finally find a way out of the depression ive been stuck in for several months
so heres hoping that things continue to go well

thank you for reading

so yea
im still feeling down
last night the situation got worse and i wanted to kill myself
i obviously didnt though
or maybe i did and im posting this from ~beyond the grave~
you may never know
anyway ive been drawing a bit and i might post some doodles because why not
still on a semi-hiatus though
at least until i get this situation worked out
which will be difficult
yea
so
thanks for reading

yea
i'm takin a break. sorry everyone. lately i haven't been feeling good about life and this morning something happened that really hit me hard. i just can't find the motivation to draw or keep things updated so i'm just going to leave for a while. i'm not sure how long exactly but i won't be gone forever. i may make some update journals here and there but otherwise i'm gone.
i'm sorry to those whose requests never got finished. it's nothing against you, i just lack the willpower to do much about it. maybe someday.
thanks to all my watchers who have been patient with me. if you have any questions i check my tumblr for messages often: sudden-death-pillow-fight.tumblr.com

see you later

apologies for not putting any actual art up for a while
i have been drawing just very slowly
have to deal with some personal issues
not sure when i'll finally get through everything holding me back
hopefully soon
thank you for your patience

not sure whats happening but i can hardly walk and my stomch hurts
head is throbbin
probly wont be drawing anythin tonite
srry

but the ones i have left are probably going to take a bit longer because i either
a) haven't thought up a good pose/situation yet or
b) i've never drawn that kind of animal/anthro before so i need practice

but i'll do my best

i want to give my prayers to the victims of the very recent Aurora shooting in Colorado.
this world is cruel, in the fact that you never know when you just go out to a simple movie, you may not come back home the next day.
the incident happened no more than an hours drive away from where the person i want to spend my life with is currently residing too. it makes me nervous and grief and i want him to come home.
any of you who maybe lost someone in the incident or maybe you just feel the same way i do, i'll pray for you.
thank you.

which means more delays in requests aaaaaah

basically i just need to get out and do stuff. i've been cooped up in my room and at the computer for a solid month with no friendly in-person contact and it's really affected my mood and motivation.

however i've been really hesitant on going out 'cause i hate how i look honestly. with my whole gender identity issue going on i'm 80% more self-conscious than i already was, so i've been iffy on going out.

but i guess if i want to feel better i don't have much of a choice. i have got to get some fresh air...

thanks to those of you who have tried to help and are being very patient with me, it means a lot. you guys are awesome.

have you ever really loved someone that you have virtually no chance with

have you ever done it for over a year

it hurts

i have to stop working on requests for a few hours, sorry

i'll get back to them asap

i was only at ten at this time yesterday

you guys are crazy where are you coming from

regardless thank you very much

and i really enjoyed it. the art style really gives off an unnerving vibe. it has witty humor and it's cute as hell when it's not busy being a total mindfuck.

if you haven't heard of it i really suggest you check it out, especially if you like horror.

i'll be honest i never thought i would get any at all

thank you

it's something i've dealt with for a few years know, and often it leads to long periods of depressions which aren't really caused by anything different than normal. i'm having a lot of romance issues, friend issues, gender issues, stuff like that. it all piles up really, and i'm not sure what to do.

i really like talking to people. it makes me feel a lot better about myself and my life. so if you ever stop by and you're bored, give a shout. i'm pretty friendly.