Been a while. Was looking at my last journals and figured I would post an update after nearly 4 years haha.

Engineer job didn't work out. They made me do non-engineer things. I did not receive any proper training. I was thrown into situation after situation that I was not prepared for and eventually became overwhelmed. I did well for a while. First year was difficult, but ok. But after 2+ years of going into a job where I saw employees working themselves to death because of the demands of upper management, I just couldn't deal with it anymore. It was truly horrible. These people had nowhere else to go. Instead of adapting to the new challenges, they just sapped my energy. I did my best to make the shop floor employees' lives easier where I could, but without restructuring the whole business, there was nothing I could really do to make a difference. I couldn't do that on my own. Me being there, untrained and forced into a management position, was part of the problem. So I left.

The whole experience was rather traumatizing. It brought into light a lot of repressed issues that I am now dealing with. Lots of issues with personal identity and where I fit into everything. I am probably autistic. It also showed me how heartless and pointless business can be, and that I don't want to be a part of anything where the end goal is to just "Make more money." and be a leech on the earth.


So yeah... Things really went to hell. But my partner is an angel and is patient and helpful. I help them with things and support them as best I can while I search for my path forward. I like helping.
My perspective has changed and I keep learning new things. Also became very kink-positive. Mother's little puritan died. Fuck the church. Be a good person and don't conform to rigid, close-minded belief systems. Trans rights are human rights. Black lives matter. Abortion and bodily autonomy are inherent human rights. It's not difficult to be a good person. Do not tolerate intolerance. Pedophiles and MAPs, get some professional help and don't normalize that shit.

That's all.

Good news! Great news! I'm employed in my field of study. I'm working as a mechanical engineer in a very busy, little manufacturing and design shop. I'll be getting plenty of experience in engineering, management, and basically any other work that they throw my way as I am getting up to speed with the company. If they keep me on, this will make for a great starting job in my career :3
I've been working for a few weeks now and I seem to fit in ok. It's more rough and tumble sort of atmosphere, but I've worked construction with rough people before and I'm easy to get along with. Once I hit the 90 day mark they'll be stuck with me and will have to negotiate my pay x3 There's a thing in my state where there is a 90 day probationary period that employers get to see if an employee is a good fit and can give them reduced pay... Which kinda sucks on the pay, but I'm sure it will be much better after the time period. Either way, I'm happy to be being paid for something useful, and it's been wonderful for my emotional state. This also means I'll be getting art occasionally >w>

You guys keep being awesome!

Hope yall are having a good year so far -w-. Be sure to spread some positivity today!

So here's another one of my annual journals. I graduated from college with a BS in Mechanical Engineering. It was a tough semester with the most difficult class I have ever taken (Mechanical Control Systems ohgodwhy). But I made it through and am now ready to prepare for the rest of my life :3. Hopefully I will get my diploma in the mail today. I am a December graduate so I will walk in the graduation ceremony in the spring xP.

So yeah... That's really about it. 4 and a half years of brutal academia coming to a close. Hopefully I will be able to spend time with  fuzzy.little.devil and perhaps room with him soon too. Thank you to everyone who has supported me and helped me along, all my professors, my family, and all my friends here. I hope your 2018 goes awesome <3

First off, not much of one for emotional crap, but you guys deserve some credit where it is due. I really hope all you good guys out there get some recognition for the good things you do. Everyday heroes, really. Not just some GI Joe nonsense. Every little good thing helps contribute to good on the whole. Every person gets a little bit of it.
Well... Yeah >w< Keep it up

Now for little horn tootin' for myself and the great people I have befriended on here: The past year has held a lot of personal growth for me. Last year ended with some difficult psychological issues that I had to overcome. I was weak, a bit dumb, and unable to put my mind over the matter of my emotions. I tried to fix a bad situation and ended up just hurting myself. I can hardly believe it has been a whole year since then. Up through the summer I dealt with some relapses of those emotional problems, but with the help of my friends and family on and offline I got better and now I believe I can say taht I am sufficiently healed -w- And matured for the better! For some reference, last fall semester held some difficult courses, some of the more difficult ones in a Mechanical Engineering degree. That semester, after having crippling anxiety, I got about a 1.3 GPA. Horrible. Failed a couple classes. The next semester was marginally better at a 2.4 GPA. Nothing too impressive with a lighter course load. Now for the whopper. This past fall semester I registered to retake those classes I failed. 1 is one of the most difficult engineering classes in my field. In addition I took Heat Transfer, which was confusing AF and probably the most difficult one of the bunch. IN MORE ADDITION. I spent many hours with a senior project group every week. With all of these things it was my most challenging semester. But I frackin aced it. 3.46 GPA for the semester. I cannot thank the people around me enough. Little conversations here and there helped heal little parts of what I was feeling. Some shoutouts to them:
 Colby-Hedgey for being my little baby. He is always so optimistic and caring, even when I am very down. He has helped me to stay consistently more optimistic about the future in general.
 KingCrazy for being rather alike in many ways. Helped me see myself in a clearer light.
 mandobanjo for being himself x3 Those of you who know him know how sweet and smart he is. He was with me from the beginning of my major issue and was an incredible sport about me being a complete doofus. Thank you so much Harpo.
My shy ball of fluff Ma'iingan x3 for being the first person who I really opened up to and allowed me to grow as a person. He is a bit shy so I won't embarrass him too much x3
All my furry family, Cez, Zara Linn, Brettonias, Gabriel, Hale, and others. Thank you all so much for your company. I hope to see you all healthy and happy through the upcoming year and beyond <3

Changing the name of the orange white and brown kitty fursona known as Green to 'Arlee'. He is Arlee Green now. This is a much more proper name than a color system I was going to go with way back when. In Hebrew it means hope. Came up with it while deciding on a name for a space ship in a videogame and it would not get out of my head wtf. Hopefully this also clears up some confusion surrounding my username and such.

SO: Vahn Lennox + Arlee Green = Vahn_Green

If I could change my username to Vahn Lennox I would do so.

I will be going through a kinda half-assed process of cleaning out my watch list. Apologies to anyone I do remove. I simply want to refine what I see in my watch list.
Will mostly be getting rid of things that are Not-quite SFW since I am rather tired of seeing that stuff. Cute stuff stays. Interesting and awesome looking stuff stays too.
If you are offended by this, just know it isn't personal and don't complain. Everyone has a place in this community.

I'm alive. This is good.

I have been very busy this year with college work. I am very proud to say that this is the most successful (and also most difficult) semester so far. Even though two semesters ago was hell, it was difficult for different reasons. The work this year I have to do is pretty crazy... I don't claim to understand half of what I am doing xD But I have managed to get myself all A's and B's in high level engineering classes, so yay. Might get above 3.0 this year :3.

Other news... Not much to comment on. Just been busy with college work. Feeling a bit burned out lately, but I'll keep on kicking :3 Senior project is going meh. I'll be going to a company headquarters tomorrow around noon, but that is the most interesting thing we will be doing for the foreseeable future. Feel free to ask specific questions and I'll get around to answering them probably at some point.

May the Prandtl number guide you all.

One  colby-hedgey is giving away some art in a raffle once he hits 300 watchers! Free art, yo! The little guy makes super cute art, so go and have a gander and best of luck to all those looking to be in the raffle!

Original journal: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7699282/

I doing research for NASA! :D Probably sounds cooler than it should be, but I have had one week of preparatory research on the shredding of plastic for use in a 3D printer and recycler that is for the International Space Station. There are two other people here at my college who are working on the two other components. Hopefully we can get together this week and start on some prototyping ideas! I'm excited! Didn't really sink in how I should feel until now x3

I can honestly say I am doing very well now -w-. My roommate became a bit... Actually a HUUUUUUUGE butthole and left and now I have a room all to myself! I can thank the situation referred to in the last journal for preparing me for this latest stuff, though I must say I am much happier with this situation x3. Roommate was not the best person in the world.

Anyway! art will continue at an indeterminate rate. It will be mostly digital painting from now on I hope. Thank you guys for being around and stuff. You are all awesome!

I have never been hurt before by someone whom I valued as one of the best friends I had... Let alone not be able to make it up with them. I could not handle it last year. I kept on going back and thinking about how I could fix things. It tore me apart, and put a lot of stress on those around me. I wish the person who pushed me away could see what he did, but I guess he won't... He seems unphased, where I took a major emotional hit. I could have handled it better in the beginning. He could have prevented it outright... But it is done. And so am I. And if I relapse again... I am a damn liar... I hope that I am truly over it now, for my sake and those around me. I'll leave it to karma to handle him now.

Thanks for reading. No stupid comedic relief in this one, guys.

Yee! I am back and refreshed from Christmas break :3 Despite some irritating issues, I managed to get my head back into the right place and am pushing forward and having fun with this semester ^w^ I hope all of you out there have a wonderful new year!

Give me your hugs. All of them. GIBME

STATUS UPDATE:
For those who care and actually read the journals of people to whom they subscribe (Eh... You know I am not quite the best person at that xP), shtuffs gone down the shtuff chute. Between personal problems which will remain personal, and college stress, I have become rather exhausted and well... Quite shit at keeping up with things. I don't want to vent too hard at you guys. You get enough of that around here. I am getting better right now, but it is not quite enough to keep me on the track I thought I was taking. Hopefully some new exciting things will happen in my life now that I got a bit of baggage sorted away. I am facing stuff head on, unlike what I have witnessed a lot around me, and it hurts like hell, but I am getting somewhere. I need to keep on getting momentum... AFTER Thanksgiving break x3. Right now I need to get steady on my feet, regroup, and tackle life and beat the fluff out of it. Because it is MY fluff! And I won't let it pass by without a punch or two.

Keep being strong all of you out there. There are people who care, people you can go to, and friends a-plenty. And if you see someone struggling a little bit, give them a pat on the back and some kind words. You don't have to know everything or understand quite what is going on. Everyone feels different. There is different kind of hurt. Ignoring or poking a stick into a wound won't help anything...

All done. Just gonna hang out for one more day and then I will leave to go home. Yay.

Ugh. This was my last day of procrastinating (hopefully). I have finals this next week. I need to make it to the end of this year alive and without any more incident.

On babyfur stuffs: Honestly... I need to get more in touch with my little side... I have been trapped in my damn room for so long. I have not been a very good person to myself in general and need a change of scenery. Outside... I need to go outside. I know that "outside" is not quite related to babyfur things, but... Honestly it makes me feel so much better to go out and just walk around or enjoy nature. it makes me feel like a little kid. I always used to love exploring stuff, though there was very little to explore back in my hometown. I wish I could go back and start over some things, but there is no use in that now. I have to make with what I got. And what I have is a lot of pressure on me to succeed in college. It is good to let go of adult mindset sometimes, but I have not even been able to do that despite trying so hard the last couple days. That time is over now though and I need to get to work. Once I am done with this year, things should be easier.

Not entirely sure what this is, but... eh... update on my rambling picasso thoughts.

You ever just have the feeling where you DO NOT WANT TO GO TO SLEEP? I feel like this is going to be one of those nights. I am going to stay up really late. Maybe all night. And I am going to do stuff. Random stuff :3 I got an infinite supply of tea, so we will see how long this lasts! I WANNA CREATE SOMETHING!

To explain a bit more... I think I am a bit unstable at the moment. Might be good for creativity. And getting the stuff I need done for tomorrow done. Or maybe I will just pass out. GAH!! WTF is this journal even?! XD

It has been a while since I have just sat down to do my work along with a cup of tea. Got some pretty good stuff right here. Hopefully this will calm my nerves enough that I can focus. I might be finding out some good stuff about myself tomorrow. Or bad stuff. Hopefully both. I will stop being vague as soon as tomorrow passes. I also have noticed that I have not written a damn thing in ages. I need to get back into writing. It is one of my better skills that need to be developed. So, after homework, I shall start writing hopefully. I hope you all have a good night. Or day, in whatever part of the world you are in. *raises cup in salute*

I have fooled you all. You just don't know it yet. My great mystique has veiled you eyes from what I have done. I am awesome. Now bow. Bow before your god who has so easily tricked you. Those who bow now shall be spared the humiliation.

So yeah... I have been back at college. Thought I would write a journal here to leave a little message in a bottle for anyone. More of a milestone than anything.
For all of you following me, close friends and internet family: I have been extremely stressed out. I have pushed myself farther this year than any previous year... Though it sees like I have not made it half the distance. This second semester of Sophomore year is really grinding e down. I have a decent schedule, but I don't think my body ever really adjusted to it. I am tired almost constantly. I struggle with my classes. There is just so much work to do CONSTANTLY. It is not like last year where I could just do a little bit of it and be done for a day or two. There is a neverending torrent of work piling up onto my desk, and I have had to decide what to get done and what gets left behind to allow myself a decent amount of sleep. Right now... Yeah. It is late and I am working on a lab report. I should have been able to do it a while ago, but my anxiety has returned from the depths... It is more like ADD than anything. Which I honestly probably have, though I am able to struggle through it sometimes and get chunks of work done. That is how I have done it in the past, but this time... It is really difficult...
I really hate complaining about my situation, because I know peoples' are so much worse than mine. You can go ahead and say that you can't judge that but.. Honestly I do not have a terrible life. I have family and friends that love me, which is more than I know an unfortunate number of you can say... I just want this to be over... That or my brain to work out its funk and get to work.

so... From all this, I have not really been able to talk, or been in the mood to initiate any RPs or chats with other people than my close friends. I simply cannot. I am sorry that I have left a couple of you behind, I really am. But I need this time to get to work and succeed at what I am paying dearly for. This work unfortunately comes first. Sanity second. And all of you wonderful people have had to take a back seat... That being said. I am still here. I am not going away or disappearing. If ANY of you have some serious issues that you want to TALK about, PLEASE tell me. Being able to help someone out of a dark place makes me happy. I desire that kind of interaction. If you want to keep it to yourself... That is your own prerogative. But don't go around with a weight on your shoulders that is easy enough for me to lift. I am a good listener. I can always listen. I just can't always just RP.

Wow. Long journal. I should get back to work now. You all have a safe night. Ill be around doing something boring related to mathematics... xP

Good Lord... That was a long week... And few months... But I made it out, and I did better than last year X3 Hopefully next semester will be so kind.

SO! During this upcoming break, those of you who follow me should expect two requests from me to be done... And that is it. I am going to be working on personal projects until I can finish things in a reasonable amount of time for you guys... Then I will make you pay for stuff :P Really looking forward to not having to worry about anything the next couple of weeks.

-Stay fluffy, FA.

Comment with a heart below and I'll tell you what your profile tells me about you!

1. Tell you what animal/creature you remind me of.
2. Tell you what color I think fits you.
3. Tell you how I feel about you.
4. Insult you.
5. Tell you my favorite OC of yours. (If you have one...)
6. Tell you what season you remind me of.
7. Tell you what food you smell like in my head.
8. Think of a random nickname for you.
9. Order you to put this in your journal without using the words 'tag' or 'dare'.

Well that last journal was a complete lie :3. Never wrote much of anything. Never made a language. But I DID get a job! Made some good money, so I will be able to pay for things now ^w^ Yay! Hopefuly I will have some alone time to finish up some furry art I was doing, and maybe that MLP one that the friend from my university requested... A very long time ago... But no matter! It is for a book he is writing and he is not close to finishing that, much like I am with mine. He said there is no timeframe on it so I am good whenever I get it done. I did do a little with it and figured out how to draw ponies better.

IN OTHER NEWS! College is going to be brutal and boring. I am going to take up a craft other than playing video games to make some money on the furry internets, and for a couple friends of mine. No promises. I will be wicked busy.

So... It has been a long semester. One where i have discovered much about myself regarding almost nothing. Zilch. Nada. I am bored. Like, REAAAAaaaally bored. Fortunately, in the not so distant future, summer break is coming up. There and then will I be able to get a job (hopefully at a quarry that a friend of a boyfriend of a mother knows), and buy some things that I will be able to craft with. I have not touched a single piece of clay in all the time I have been in college. Nor have I made any costume/ power suit armor stuff/ cosplay items that I have wanted to make for a very, very, long time. 'Tis sad. As I do more self inflection, I see that I may be more skilled in quasi-practical applications of engineering, math, science, and, last but most certainly not least, the arts. Hopefully in the next few days I will get the divine inspiration to post some divinely inspired writing to FA in the form of poetry. I am an aspiring writer that has had no time and/ or motivation to actually finish a story, but, in its stead, I have written some deep, possibly depressing poetry. Do not be so hasty, though, for I have been working little by little on a revision of the "Rothland Project" story, and have expanded the universe that it takes place in. It is going to be rich with lore (probably after I decide which direction the damn thing is going), and many strange wonderful and terrifying creatures. And it is not, I repeat, NOT going to be a god damn fan fic piece of scheisse, as that was what the poor thing sounded like before my great revelation of not writing something tht sounds like a crappy fan fic. I do know that not all fan fics are bad, such as the Fallout Equestria thingamabob that has faffing fousands of pages already... Dear god, this person better get some money for all the work he put into that monstrosity... Speaking of that story, of which I have never read, but have heard raving reviews from one closet and one halfway out not quite but also is public about things that he usually doesn't want known oh gooooooooood- Brony... Anyway, hopefully my story will be of that scale in the end, or maybe it will just be the beginning, we'll see. Full of vibrant characters and dark beasts that lurk about. Also language. I will become part time linguist at some point and create a full, quasi-rune based language system. It'll be great. Music may take a back seat for a while, but I will continue to upload some improv and any creations i make. I will have access to my electric piano, so quality will be preserved at the level it has risen to.

IN CONCLUSION! Wolf Kitty gets job. Job gets money. Money gets things. Things make project. Project makes happy. Happy makes me happy. Also stories and writing and linguistics and music.

Thank you for staying this long!

Sorry, I couldnt find any chocolate chip cookies as a present...

Hello! I have been very busy the past few weeks. I am currently enrolled in Norwich University's civilian schooling program. This is a great school (you can look it up online. its easy.) and has a 98% job placement rate in the first 6 months I believe. I am in for Mechanical Engineering. Anyone who lives in Vermont and around South Burlington: I am here! I want to meet you during a break. There are no open furries here at Norwich. It is a military school. Well, for anyone who cares, thanks. I am on my own now.