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Posted 10 years agoI'll be there?
P.S. Journal OVER!
P.S. Journal OVER!
Oh F!!!
Posted 10 years agoI need to update tons of shit!
*No I'm not gay*
P.S. It was a faze and it was smelly.
*No I'm not gay*
P.S. It was a faze and it was smelly.
Take 'Em Up
Posted 11 years ago Through the door and you knew it
Unexpected you'd pretend
Curious to see if you would play the same
So stick it up until the end
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it is as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
Staring at your hands for the answer,
the night was over hours ago
But he said it's alright
And he said it's alright
And you know it's alright
But that's just no reason not to say no, no
The night was over hours ago
Take too long to break away, you're ready to go
Now you're nowhere near the door
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it's just as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it's just as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
Slow dive into tepid water
Half hearted pleas you can't refuse
Walked in cycles to the tank
Remember what you set out to do
Still not convinced you've kicked the habit
Keep the keys out in the car
Suddenly you where, where you stumbled in
Doesn't seem you've got that far
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it's just as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it's just as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up,
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
but you try for the love, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
but you try for the love, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
but you try for the love, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
but you try for the love, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
but you try for the love, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
but you try for the love, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it's just as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it's just as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
~ Shit Robot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fyw0Ypg92Lk
Unexpected you'd pretend
Curious to see if you would play the same
So stick it up until the end
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it is as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
Staring at your hands for the answer,
the night was over hours ago
But he said it's alright
And he said it's alright
And you know it's alright
But that's just no reason not to say no, no
The night was over hours ago
Take too long to break away, you're ready to go
Now you're nowhere near the door
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it's just as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it's just as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
Slow dive into tepid water
Half hearted pleas you can't refuse
Walked in cycles to the tank
Remember what you set out to do
Still not convinced you've kicked the habit
Keep the keys out in the car
Suddenly you where, where you stumbled in
Doesn't seem you've got that far
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it's just as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it's just as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up...,up,
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
but you try for the love, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
but you try for the love, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
but you try for the love, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
but you try for the love, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
but you try for the love, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
but you try for the love, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Wait time, waste of time, ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
ain't nobody gonna say bye-bye
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it's just as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
Maybe it's just a little too late
And when you're close you're just a little too close
further it's just as far as you'll go
You're gonna shake it up, break it up, make it up, take 'em up
~ Shit Robot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fyw0Ypg92Lk
RMFC 2013 (Your Done Val! Party’s OVER!)
Posted 12 years agoHoly shit this year’s con was anti-fun con, so naturally I had tons of fun because I was getting in trouble for the littlest of things. Hahahaha! I was so excited this year because there were so many people that I was hoping to see and meet after being gone so long. Also there were some furs that are new friends that I have talked to for 2 years but never really hung out with in real life. EEEEE!
*rolls around on the ground*
First day (only counting because my friend Stephen was in town) I couldn’t get there but who cares, it’s the first day and I knew it was going to be all lame and locked down anyways.
Second day I couldn’t get a ride so I begged my best friend (Devin) to takes me. After hours of crying and throwing a fit, he got annoyed and caved in. Hehehehe! When he showed up, I wasn’t even ready as always, and then we took off. We hit Rocco’s Chili n’ Donuts on the way (Why do we keep eating there?!?!) Once at anti-fun con Devin gets all irritated, impatient n’ shit, buy’s a stupid expensive drink (only one / $479) that we don’t even drink and walks off! I’m like “Uh… Okay?” He comes back after a few minutes and with a rage face says, “GET YOUR FUCKING BAGS! I GOT US A ROOM!!” I squeal, trip'n fall, and then run after him to the room.
In the room 431, we set up the place with our beats and booz and within 4 minutes we get a noise complaint. What I should have said to them was “what the hell took you so long?” I honestly didn’t give a shit because RMFC is the lobby con of the continental divide. After we went out and to try and have fun I was expecting to get kicked out cause I was already using my outdoor voice. Major drunkenness ensues and we find a room party. I’m in there for like 7 minutes, bullshiting with to fools an shit, when I get kicked out for going “WOOOOH!” off the balcony. I don’t get a warning or anything. Skippy (a.k.a. Cap'n Muttonchops) was all “Val your done, your too drunk.” I ignored him for a moment because that totally harshed my mellow and went to grab Devin to bail, he just showed up. Devin burned me as always and wanted to say with all the strangers and non-friends. I was like “what the fuck ever!” and left, called Devin right after I left, left him a fucked up message and ran around some more.
Even further drunk and much later, Devin shows back up in the room and I started talking shit. Devin responds with hitting me with a baton glow stick! We start fighting, being loud as hell, laughing all the while. I think we crashed after that or went back out, I can’t remember (too drunk).
3rd day, Devin and I wake up after 4 hours of sleep and I start talking about foods. Devin just keep saying “Dude, shut the fuck up! Go back to sleep! Motherfucker, SHUT UP!” Something along those lines, but I turn on the music, roll around in bed, still talking about food. “Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP! I’ll just get room service, FUCK!” Motherfucker treats me to a $40567,89.53 breakfast!!! I was so pissed at the bill because it was, way, way, waaaaaaaaaaay to fucking expensive! He didn’t need to do that and that kind of money is shit I don’t got. (♯｀∧´) Made me feel really bad. I tell Devin that I hate him a million times then eat my breakfast of bad feelings. After breakfast Devin yells at me to hurry up and to get the fuck out before check out which was at noon. I drag ass and say my good bye to Dev Dev, he has a hella busy schedule and most likely didn’t even have time to really be at the con. He’s such an awesome friend! I LOVE YOU DEV DEV! *mega hugs* BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!!!
☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆
Oh yeah I forgot to say that I’m hanging out with my lion buddy from Stephen Texas most of this time! MEOW! We have all sorts of fun! I’m semi-dunk by 1 p.m., randomly danced with a tuxedo cat, (made me all happy and thoughts of my Sasha cat.) Ran around some more and end up in his room 337, cussing with the CUTESTE sloth in the world, Tika! :3 We talked about war stories, and talked about bikes, and talked world adventures, and I dry hump my fox plush in all sorts of raunchy positions, screaming, randomly as I talked to her, It was pure silliness.
That night Stephen and I met our neighbors down the hall, they been drinking and knew how to party like you should at a con. Elaki, and his crew were living it up, I was already drunk, when they offered me his amazing mead that he made! (^з^)-☆ Murrr! It was so good that we drank two bottles. We were so fucking loud and semi-tried to keep it down but we would start yelling anyways, hehehehe! I thanked them and bounced to the dance. Down there I met Lost, Crimson and hung with Fusion till 5 a.m. I danced my tail off, O.M.G. I drank waaaaaaaaaaaaaay to much, and screamed until I lost my voice. It was officially a real con at this point. I got some warnings by Night Eyes for drinking in the hall. What a cool guy, because he give you a warning and didn’t just shut you down straight out, (Like you are supposed to Skippy!)
Damn it we lost, Lost somewhere along the way. Fusion, Crimson and I went to get foods which they kicked down for me cause they were fucking cool like that! *hugs, hugs, hugs* you guys rock! Holy shit did I have to push hard to make it through to the end of the night.
Sunday… After sleeping 2 and a half hours I got up because Ian kept kicking me in the fucking back and they didn’t close the fucking blinds, (who the fuck dose that?!?) I was mad hurting but powered through, bothered Tika till she got up and offended Ian as much as a cheetah could with my and Tika’s conversation. Oh and I had to dry hump the fox plush again, had to! The fox plush didn’t mind.
Stephen took me out for a fat burger and I was done, (wrecked cheetah was hella motherfuckin wrecked.)
It was Sunday, Nothing happens on Sunday anyways and Stephen and I didn’t give a fuck.
Well, I didn’t get kicked out of the con 3: but eh but what can ya do? Bummed a ride from Tika to the light rail downtown then headed home and to more adventures. Over all RMFC 2013 was a’ight and I look forward to next year. MEW!!!
*rolls around on the ground*
First day (only counting because my friend Stephen was in town) I couldn’t get there but who cares, it’s the first day and I knew it was going to be all lame and locked down anyways.
Second day I couldn’t get a ride so I begged my best friend (Devin) to takes me. After hours of crying and throwing a fit, he got annoyed and caved in. Hehehehe! When he showed up, I wasn’t even ready as always, and then we took off. We hit Rocco’s Chili n’ Donuts on the way (Why do we keep eating there?!?!) Once at anti-fun con Devin gets all irritated, impatient n’ shit, buy’s a stupid expensive drink (only one / $479) that we don’t even drink and walks off! I’m like “Uh… Okay?” He comes back after a few minutes and with a rage face says, “GET YOUR FUCKING BAGS! I GOT US A ROOM!!” I squeal, trip'n fall, and then run after him to the room.
In the room 431, we set up the place with our beats and booz and within 4 minutes we get a noise complaint. What I should have said to them was “what the hell took you so long?” I honestly didn’t give a shit because RMFC is the lobby con of the continental divide. After we went out and to try and have fun I was expecting to get kicked out cause I was already using my outdoor voice. Major drunkenness ensues and we find a room party. I’m in there for like 7 minutes, bullshiting with to fools an shit, when I get kicked out for going “WOOOOH!” off the balcony. I don’t get a warning or anything. Skippy (a.k.a. Cap'n Muttonchops) was all “Val your done, your too drunk.” I ignored him for a moment because that totally harshed my mellow and went to grab Devin to bail, he just showed up. Devin burned me as always and wanted to say with all the strangers and non-friends. I was like “what the fuck ever!” and left, called Devin right after I left, left him a fucked up message and ran around some more.
Even further drunk and much later, Devin shows back up in the room and I started talking shit. Devin responds with hitting me with a baton glow stick! We start fighting, being loud as hell, laughing all the while. I think we crashed after that or went back out, I can’t remember (too drunk).
3rd day, Devin and I wake up after 4 hours of sleep and I start talking about foods. Devin just keep saying “Dude, shut the fuck up! Go back to sleep! Motherfucker, SHUT UP!” Something along those lines, but I turn on the music, roll around in bed, still talking about food. “Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP! I’ll just get room service, FUCK!” Motherfucker treats me to a $40567,89.53 breakfast!!! I was so pissed at the bill because it was, way, way, waaaaaaaaaaay to fucking expensive! He didn’t need to do that and that kind of money is shit I don’t got. (♯｀∧´) Made me feel really bad. I tell Devin that I hate him a million times then eat my breakfast of bad feelings. After breakfast Devin yells at me to hurry up and to get the fuck out before check out which was at noon. I drag ass and say my good bye to Dev Dev, he has a hella busy schedule and most likely didn’t even have time to really be at the con. He’s such an awesome friend! I LOVE YOU DEV DEV! *mega hugs* BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!!!
☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆
Oh yeah I forgot to say that I’m hanging out with my lion buddy from Stephen Texas most of this time! MEOW! We have all sorts of fun! I’m semi-dunk by 1 p.m., randomly danced with a tuxedo cat, (made me all happy and thoughts of my Sasha cat.) Ran around some more and end up in his room 337, cussing with the CUTESTE sloth in the world, Tika! :3 We talked about war stories, and talked about bikes, and talked world adventures, and I dry hump my fox plush in all sorts of raunchy positions, screaming, randomly as I talked to her, It was pure silliness.
That night Stephen and I met our neighbors down the hall, they been drinking and knew how to party like you should at a con. Elaki, and his crew were living it up, I was already drunk, when they offered me his amazing mead that he made! (^з^)-☆ Murrr! It was so good that we drank two bottles. We were so fucking loud and semi-tried to keep it down but we would start yelling anyways, hehehehe! I thanked them and bounced to the dance. Down there I met Lost, Crimson and hung with Fusion till 5 a.m. I danced my tail off, O.M.G. I drank waaaaaaaaaaaaaay to much, and screamed until I lost my voice. It was officially a real con at this point. I got some warnings by Night Eyes for drinking in the hall. What a cool guy, because he give you a warning and didn’t just shut you down straight out, (Like you are supposed to Skippy!)
Damn it we lost, Lost somewhere along the way. Fusion, Crimson and I went to get foods which they kicked down for me cause they were fucking cool like that! *hugs, hugs, hugs* you guys rock! Holy shit did I have to push hard to make it through to the end of the night.
Sunday… After sleeping 2 and a half hours I got up because Ian kept kicking me in the fucking back and they didn’t close the fucking blinds, (who the fuck dose that?!?) I was mad hurting but powered through, bothered Tika till she got up and offended Ian as much as a cheetah could with my and Tika’s conversation. Oh and I had to dry hump the fox plush again, had to! The fox plush didn’t mind.
Stephen took me out for a fat burger and I was done, (wrecked cheetah was hella motherfuckin wrecked.)
It was Sunday, Nothing happens on Sunday anyways and Stephen and I didn’t give a fuck.
Well, I didn’t get kicked out of the con 3: but eh but what can ya do? Bummed a ride from Tika to the light rail downtown then headed home and to more adventures. Over all RMFC 2013 was a’ight and I look forward to next year. MEW!!!
Dernier Jour De La Magie
Posted 12 years agoNous sommes deux partis, deux partis se terminant
Que faire si vous vous déplacez? Que faire si vous vous cachez?
Il ya seulement tellement que vous ne pouvez manquer
Avant de nous deux en collision
Une petite tornade, un peu rugissement des ouragans
Dernier jour de magie, où êtes-vous?
Une petite tornade, un peu rugissement des ouragans
Nous sommes deux partis, deux partis se terminant
Je serai l'homme avec le balai
Si vous serez la poussière de la chambre
Et il ya seulement tellement que vous pouvez masquer
Avant de vous coincer
Dernier jour de magie, où êtes-vous?
Une petite tornade, un peu rugissement des ouragans
Dernier jour de la magie
Venant à travers l'œil de la tempête
Et je tiens à
Une petite tornade, un peu rugissement des ouragans
Je serai l'homme avec le balai
Si vous serez la poussière de la chambre
Et il ya seulement tellement que vous pouvez masquer
Avant de vous coincer
Dernier jour de la magie a mis tout le trajet à travers
L'oeil de la tempête dans une chambre simple
Une petite tornade, un peu rugissement des ouragans
Cavalerie arrive, la cavalerie aller
Cavalerie laissez-moi tranquille
Un peu serenader
Ma petite tasse de grondement de canne
Dernier jour de magie, où êtes-vous?
Une petite tornade, un peu rugissement des ouragans
Que faire si vous vous déplacez? Que faire si vous vous cachez?
Il ya seulement tellement que vous ne pouvez manquer
Avant de nous deux en collision
Une petite tornade, un peu rugissement des ouragans
Dernier jour de magie, où êtes-vous?
Une petite tornade, un peu rugissement des ouragans
Nous sommes deux partis, deux partis se terminant
Je serai l'homme avec le balai
Si vous serez la poussière de la chambre
Et il ya seulement tellement que vous pouvez masquer
Avant de vous coincer
Dernier jour de magie, où êtes-vous?
Une petite tornade, un peu rugissement des ouragans
Dernier jour de la magie
Venant à travers l'œil de la tempête
Et je tiens à
Une petite tornade, un peu rugissement des ouragans
Je serai l'homme avec le balai
Si vous serez la poussière de la chambre
Et il ya seulement tellement que vous pouvez masquer
Avant de vous coincer
Dernier jour de la magie a mis tout le trajet à travers
L'oeil de la tempête dans une chambre simple
Une petite tornade, un peu rugissement des ouragans
Cavalerie arrive, la cavalerie aller
Cavalerie laissez-moi tranquille
Un peu serenader
Ma petite tasse de grondement de canne
Dernier jour de magie, où êtes-vous?
Une petite tornade, un peu rugissement des ouragans
Needless to say...
Posted 12 years agoBut I'm going to say it anyway, my life is insane.
In The Hospital
Posted 12 years agoSo I was sick recently and I guess I laid around to much and ate to much junk but after I got better I got very sick again and my neck locked up . I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn't move my neck! It turned hard as a rock and I couldn't talk or hardly get up for help. I got a hold of my mom and she took me to the ER. Once there I stumbled thought the door and told them I was shot, they all freaked out and I told them I was joking, they were pissed. I got the proper help but then they told me I would need to say in the hospital and that surprised me, I totally didn't this it was going to be this serious. I have been in here for 4 days now and they have cut my neck open pulled out the lymph node, drained all the crap that built up from the infection. There was so much crap in there, so gross.
I keep everyone here laughing with all my weird storied and ridiculousness request. I don't know why they won't get ma a baby raccoon, why won't they? I also keep joking that I have cat cancer but then everyone though I had real cancer. Guess people don't know their cancers, go fig. I don't know if people know this though? I'm really a cat. ^.^
I keep everyone here laughing with all my weird storied and ridiculousness request. I don't know why they won't get ma a baby raccoon, why won't they? I also keep joking that I have cat cancer but then everyone though I had real cancer. Guess people don't know their cancers, go fig. I don't know if people know this though? I'm really a cat. ^.^
#FC2013
Posted 12 years agoI'm right here! #FC2013
It's not enougy to change
Posted 13 years agoI'll rise and fall just like the sun.
Jail art dump!!
Posted 13 years agoI've been meaning to post my art from jail but I haven't had a scanner till now. Old one died because it wanted to make my life that much more fun! Also I erased a shit ton of pics off my FA but it's good to clean up and freshen up my little page. :3 So the art will hopefully start flowing more here, got a ton of stuff I'm working on and want to finish up and get out. Commit please, I love to hear what you have to say. *hearts*
Beating Will Continue, Until Morale Improves
Posted 13 years agoI'm keeping this journal short. I've been getting my ass kicked and kicked bad. It seems I'm banded from working because of jail. Shit I got out in JULY! It's like I killed someone isn’t jail is supposed to help you, lol, no. I was in there for 5 months this last time. It was fighting and being depressed, depressed so bad that I wouldn't be able to stand, shake uncontrollably, passing out (not for long thank god), throwing up, heart murmurs and then right back to fighting because you can't cry in jail. I really thought I would die from the sadness. Lol, also let’s just say I can really really fight now, not like I couldn't before but I could probably take on Bain now. I have enough rage that's for sure. Enough of that shit though, on to the now. Lots of friends left me because my life is too sad. Some friends huh? Then again I see that they are only there for the good times, FUCK THEM!
Debit and all sorts of bills because I was in jail not able to take care of shit on the outside since I was in there helpless to do anything about it. The sad stories you just get nonstop in there. DEPRESSION, DEPRESSION, DEPRESSION. Nightmares were and are relentless about what my personal life was doing, that was a fun little hell in itself. (still fucked up from it) Once out I tried to pick life up. NOPE! I was stopped at every turn. I fell again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. And I guess my ex gave away all my belonging, not fucking cool. What should I do, keep god damn trying!
My art has improved and I’m going to lean on that hard. Can’t work so volunteering at my sisters elementary school. Holy shit our schools need help! Oh and for my rage, I ride my bike until the wheels fall off. Things are really really reallllllly bad but, if anyone can deal, IT'S ME!
Debit and all sorts of bills because I was in jail not able to take care of shit on the outside since I was in there helpless to do anything about it. The sad stories you just get nonstop in there. DEPRESSION, DEPRESSION, DEPRESSION. Nightmares were and are relentless about what my personal life was doing, that was a fun little hell in itself. (still fucked up from it) Once out I tried to pick life up. NOPE! I was stopped at every turn. I fell again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. And I guess my ex gave away all my belonging, not fucking cool. What should I do, keep god damn trying!
My art has improved and I’m going to lean on that hard. Can’t work so volunteering at my sisters elementary school. Holy shit our schools need help! Oh and for my rage, I ride my bike until the wheels fall off. Things are really really reallllllly bad but, if anyone can deal, IT'S ME!
Keep going!
Posted 13 years agoMy life is still falling further in to disrepair. Everyone is sick of my sadness and anger and so am I but it just keeps coming. I'm going to start pulling away from everyone here soon because I just don't want to put that on them any more. I have already pulled away from my best friend because he doesn't need this shit. I have to keep trying even though my situation keeps becoming worse and worse as days go by. There are so many obstacle that my ex left me to face and I'm sure she doesn't even know that she created them. I've over come horrible things that most can't and still I don't see any light coming in to my life any time soon. The darkness has me and my suffering is never ending but I'm not giving up. I'm going to find a way, I have to because everything is wrong in my life and I know I can make it right.
Now every body
Silverchair
http://youtu.be/rzS-FGQmoi4
Now every body
Silverchair
http://youtu.be/rzS-FGQmoi4
Wait, what?
Posted 13 years agoFor being a meth addict I sure do have a lot of friends that do heroin.
Fan boy
Posted 13 years agohttp://youtu.be/ird5CuHIONU
This shit happens at furcons.
This shit happens at furcons.
Childish acts
Posted 13 years agoI took that bullshit Journal down because I simply don't need evil in my life any more and or any more noise. You two both hurt me in every way you could, be proud of yourselves.
Valerie Lynn is a Monster
Posted 13 years agoShe took everything we built together then hooked up with my worst enemy because she has no game to get her self her own man and then she put me in jail. Yeah I had a problem and I knew how to fix it and now it's fixed! My life is fucked and I have nothing but a record and serious trauma and anger to deal with. FUCK YOU VALERIE LYNN YOU ARE LOWEST OF THE LOW! YOU NEVER LOVED ME!
Burn My Shadow - song by U.N.K.L.E. (u now know loss eric)
Posted 13 years agoI have burned my tomorrow
And I stand inside today
At the edge of the future
And my dreams all fade away
I have burned my tomorrow
And I stand inside today
At the edge of the future
And my dreams all fade away
And burn my shadow away
And burn my shadow away
Fate's my destroyer
I was ambushed by the light
And you judged me once for falling
This wounded heart arrives
And burn my shadow away
And burn my shadow away
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
Burn my shadow
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
Oh burn my shadow
When I see the light
True love forever
Away
And burn my shadow away
Oh how I loved you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?featur.....;v=IDleI-vm7z4
And I stand inside today
At the edge of the future
And my dreams all fade away
I have burned my tomorrow
And I stand inside today
At the edge of the future
And my dreams all fade away
And burn my shadow away
And burn my shadow away
Fate's my destroyer
I was ambushed by the light
And you judged me once for falling
This wounded heart arrives
And burn my shadow away
And burn my shadow away
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
Burn my shadow
When I see the light
True love forever
When I see the light
True love forever
Oh burn my shadow
When I see the light
True love forever
Away
And burn my shadow away
Oh how I loved you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?featur.....;v=IDleI-vm7z4
I just keeps getting worse
Posted 13 years agoLife will just get worse and that is that. I'm just going to have to except it. A special person has become evil and soulless, they are rewarded a for their awful deeds they commit. I won't live like this so all I can do is live through the sorrow day to day. Mostly all I know are telling me how I should be or what I should do. How I should just forget the love of my life as they have me but I can't, I rather remember.
Evil Begets Evil
Posted 13 years agoGuess what everyone?!?! Drum roll PLEASE! My life has even become even worse! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! My life is hell and I am suppose to suffer for ever. My life is some sort of god damn joke or entertainment for some evil people because my health is fucked, finances are fucked, legal situation fucked, homeless, jobless, you get the picture because I could easily keep going. But you are probably thinking, dude what's gotten worse? Well it has to do with matters of the heart and my poor heart which has been shattered, ground in to dust and had acid poured on it is still being put through even further agony.
I can't take any more horrible wrong doings, I know I reached my limit awhile ago. Although I know that what is happening to me I would never do my worst enemy. It's thoughtless, hurtful, selfish, and beyond wrong.
Let's say I did go ahead and do do this horrible thing that is happening to me to my worst enemy. It would hurt them very VERY VERY DEEPLY possibly drive them insane. These fucking confused people better get there fucking heads on straight and DO THE RIGHT MOTHERFUCKING THING!
*tires to pull the sword out of my heart*
I'm just going to go over some where. bleed and lose some more life. I have nothing left in the tank, I'm just emotionally exhausted any more and all I do is fight non-stop and what is happening is just un-fucking-real. I want to walk in to traffic but I died again last week for the third time in my life. You couldn't imagine the disappointment and anger I felt when i woke up. I was so pissed off knowing I was going to live and face even more pain but I'm not doing that dying shit any more. I don't understand why is this happening and why it keeps happening to me.
Please stop, please....
I can't take any more horrible wrong doings, I know I reached my limit awhile ago. Although I know that what is happening to me I would never do my worst enemy. It's thoughtless, hurtful, selfish, and beyond wrong.
Let's say I did go ahead and do do this horrible thing that is happening to me to my worst enemy. It would hurt them very VERY VERY DEEPLY possibly drive them insane. These fucking confused people better get there fucking heads on straight and DO THE RIGHT MOTHERFUCKING THING!
*tires to pull the sword out of my heart*
I'm just going to go over some where. bleed and lose some more life. I have nothing left in the tank, I'm just emotionally exhausted any more and all I do is fight non-stop and what is happening is just un-fucking-real. I want to walk in to traffic but I died again last week for the third time in my life. You couldn't imagine the disappointment and anger I felt when i woke up. I was so pissed off knowing I was going to live and face even more pain but I'm not doing that dying shit any more. I don't understand why is this happening and why it keeps happening to me.
Please stop, please....
Life goes
Posted 13 years agoI have to say it's different floating through life with out any real direction or real reason. I have been focusing on improving anything in my life but as hard as I try nothing seems to really change or get better. Money is the only thing that moves anything in this sad little life and getting a job isn't happening, no matter what I do. *screams* It is also hard to come to come to terms with the fact that I was thrown away because of money and someone loved it more then me. '
*sigh* I'm never going to get over this so I'm just going to have to become something more.
*sigh* I'm never going to get over this so I'm just going to have to become something more.
I miss my love
Posted 13 years agoI am going to die with out her and it won't come soon enough. The sadness is unbearable.
Unnecessary Hell
Posted 13 years agoWhere did I leave off last? Oh yeah, I told the world to do its worst and it did just that, things got worse, lol. After my last journal I started doing what I could to try and get my destroyed life back and good. As you all know I really didn’t have much to work with but I was making do, my life was starting to look up. I lined up a job, I found a housing project that was willing to help me out, there was a plan to start fixing my huge debt, I was healing up, I found out that I didn’t have to go through chemotherapy (another story all together) and I was able to get a therapist for free! I was doing it, I was beating my demons, I was pulling off with no cash too boot!
Now time for it all to come crashing down… I screwed up and got in a argument because I was pushed too far and the cops were called. My nerves were frayed, I was stressed out, and depression had a firm grip on me because what I built was so fragile, if I breathed wrong, it’s destroyed. “COUGH!” Opps… I had a warrant out for my arrest and I typical me not knowing what to do, I when to the cops and told them I wanted to take care of it and be able to move on. They told me, “You are in the wrong city and we have to arrest you.” Me: “Wrong city? Were in Denver, it happened in Denver.” Policeman: “Correct, but you are in district 6, you needed to go to district 1. Now hold out your hands.” I told him my situation but he just smirked. I went to jail, where this lady on pcp was soiling herself all the way there. She was fucking nuts and I cried, (by the way you can’t, CAN’T cry in jail) this had to of been the lowest I have been ever. I couldn’t get a hold of anyone. Oh and that one phone call you are suppose to get, there is no one phone call, that cost $30. I only knew three numbers, one my family’s but I couldn’t get around the no solicitors block call. Next was my buddy Devin but his phone won’t take $30 collect calls. Last was my ex-wife, I got through to her but that made things worse….
I was fucked, fucked hard. I lost my car because I parked in the police parking lot and it got towed to impound for $200 a night. I lost the job I lined up, kicked out of therapy, lost the housing project, I was sent to collections on many things because I couldn’t take care of them. I could go on but you get the picture.
Things inside were fucking bad, I was put on suicide watch and sent me to solitary four times because I just kept breaking down uncontrollability. I told them I was just depressed and over whelmed but they still sent me there. My heart felt like it had a dull knife slowly being pushed in it. Solitary is a whole other level of hell, my cell had blood, food, and shit on the walls, it was sick and depressing. They don’t let you out of your cell at all, it’s small, they forget to feed you, people screaming scary things non-stop, and I almost lost my mind. In general population, it’s always freezing, the food isn’t really food and I became friends with drug dealers, drug addicts, gang members, attempted murders, witnessed horrible violence, deafened myself in against horrible violence, lost the skin on the bottom of my feet in a fight, learned more about illegal drugs then I ever wanted to know, had hard drugs offered to me, weed, crack, heroin, ecstasy, and never really slept more than 4 hours at a time because there is noise always. The smell of body odor is profluent because deodorant is very hard to get, wore the same underwear for the entire two weeks before I could wash it, listened to other sad, depressing life stories and if that wasn’t enough, the police were trying to medicate me non-stop with vicodin, sleeping pills, anti-depressants, as well as other uppers and downers. I never caved in and took anything, maybe I should have? They did threaten to let me see a therapist but that never happened. This place made no sense, and I the other prisoners found out about my spots!!!! No bueno….
I told them about the furry sub-culture and the few that accepted me in to their circle had my back, although I was the butt of a lot of jokes. Time went by and I drew furry art and a lot of request for people. I impressed some so much that they were going to get their request tattoo on them! My skill was money in there, thank goodness too because I this was the only thing going for me. My work got me an envelope and I wrote home but never received a letter back. After a week and a half of sending my letter and no response, I lost hope in getting out and fixing my life. The other prisoners showed me how to make a crutch for my pencil because the pencils are tiny. What I mean by crutch is basically make playing card hold your pencil so it would be the length of a normal pencil. What they really did was show me how to make a shiv. Eep!
Weeks when by without knowing what was going on outside, what was the situation with my legal issue, my depression wasn’t letting up either, I was losing weight like crazy, honestly had suicide on my mind and now I had a shiv, finally they took me to court. I was so distraught I really couldn’t make any decision clearly as what to do legally and things when baaaaadly. As they were taking back to general pop, I had some sort of mental break down and I tried, I really, really tried to hold it together too. It was like I was possessed, I lost control myself, I fell to my knees shaking and screaming, balling like my heart wanted to come out of my mouth. I was hot and cold, and my nerves felt like they were exposed. Now curled up on the ground I lost my vision, started to shake violently and drool. I could hear all the cops freaking out standing over me not knowing what to do, and then I passed out.
I don’t know how much time passed but I was dreaming, this didn’t happen much because mostly I had nightmares but now I was dreaming! I dreamed that I was back with my ex-wife and we were having a beautiful picnic, sitting in the sun, eating tacos. After we ate I held her and we talked about our dreams and I was happy, we were happy. Then I woke up, I was back in solitary and like a ton of bricks my depression crushed me. I began to cry because I was in hell. The guards saw my art so to cheer me up they gave me my pencils and my crutch…. After a few days and not killing myself they put me back into general pop. As I walked in everyone was running around screaming and freaking out! The guard was freaking out too! Some sick guy was so mentally ill he was eating his own feces! The madness just never stops. Medics came and so did a lot of cops to handle the situation. Trying not to cry or let my now extreme depression take me again I kept myself active. This was hard because I was emotionally exasted all the time and had no energy, I hardly slept because of nightmares and noise. I still had trouble eating, and was bruised up from previous fight, playing handball, basketball and running in the yard. I was taring up the bottom of my feet and I was in pretty bad pain but I had to keep myself distracted because if I didn’t I might have a psychotic break or kill myself. I read books about the holocaust, people being kidnapped in Australia and then being turned to slaves, failed marriages and murder. The weird thing about reading these stories was these stories were true and people lived through much worse. I drew strength from those stories. More time painfully passed and I became mad fit, meek, better at art request, and everyone was starting to like me, they even started called me cheetah.
One day after 5 hours of playing in the yard I waited for the shower to free up so I could work on more art. I was sweating and stunk like a skunk, so I chilled at the tables yapping with my crew about the blood in my shoes, how bad I smelled, and how I felt I was going to pass out. When the guard yelled for me telling me that I have to get my things, I’m leaving again. My blood ran cold, “fuck! I’m going back to solitary again!” (I still cried a lot) Tearing up I gathered my things but I didn’t cry and everyone was telling me to be strong, dapping me (closest thing to a hug you can do in there) and telling me other words of encouragement. I gave away all the things I earned because I couldn’t keep them where I was going. After what seemed like a longest good bye I was sent out in to the sally port (the room between general pop and the hall) by myself. What the hell was going on??? As usual I was never told what was happening but I figured it out when they brought me to the entrance and told me to put my cloths on sign the bond papers. I was getting out!!! Once that was done I was driven to an office for legal stuff.
The letter I wrote home was received two days after I sent it and my family wrote back right away. I didn’t receive their letter because the police have to read every letter coming in and that takes up to three weeks. My family also tried many times to see me but the police kept screwing up the appointments my family would make. When they finally could see me the video conference cams that you are allowed to see inmates on, would be broken. My family is hurting financially and that’s why it took so long to get the money and they put in everything they had to get me out. I feel bad because that was all their Christmas money as well. They waited for me for 7 hours to get out but it didn’t matter because processing took 9 hours to file me out and on top of that, the police told them the wrong building to wait for me. When I finally did get out I broke down emotionally and with no money or phone I walked over to my ex-therapist’s office across the city to start all over again.
I’ve been out for a week or so now, I’m pretty traumatized, scared, and meek, but I’m pushing through my issues, my depression and slowly getting things going again. I'm very thankful for the people that love me too. I’ll recover from this and I’ll make my life great again. I’m not dead so I'm going keep trying! Never give up, right? K world, what next?
Merry Christmas everyone.
Now time for it all to come crashing down… I screwed up and got in a argument because I was pushed too far and the cops were called. My nerves were frayed, I was stressed out, and depression had a firm grip on me because what I built was so fragile, if I breathed wrong, it’s destroyed. “COUGH!” Opps… I had a warrant out for my arrest and I typical me not knowing what to do, I when to the cops and told them I wanted to take care of it and be able to move on. They told me, “You are in the wrong city and we have to arrest you.” Me: “Wrong city? Were in Denver, it happened in Denver.” Policeman: “Correct, but you are in district 6, you needed to go to district 1. Now hold out your hands.” I told him my situation but he just smirked. I went to jail, where this lady on pcp was soiling herself all the way there. She was fucking nuts and I cried, (by the way you can’t, CAN’T cry in jail) this had to of been the lowest I have been ever. I couldn’t get a hold of anyone. Oh and that one phone call you are suppose to get, there is no one phone call, that cost $30. I only knew three numbers, one my family’s but I couldn’t get around the no solicitors block call. Next was my buddy Devin but his phone won’t take $30 collect calls. Last was my ex-wife, I got through to her but that made things worse….
I was fucked, fucked hard. I lost my car because I parked in the police parking lot and it got towed to impound for $200 a night. I lost the job I lined up, kicked out of therapy, lost the housing project, I was sent to collections on many things because I couldn’t take care of them. I could go on but you get the picture.
Things inside were fucking bad, I was put on suicide watch and sent me to solitary four times because I just kept breaking down uncontrollability. I told them I was just depressed and over whelmed but they still sent me there. My heart felt like it had a dull knife slowly being pushed in it. Solitary is a whole other level of hell, my cell had blood, food, and shit on the walls, it was sick and depressing. They don’t let you out of your cell at all, it’s small, they forget to feed you, people screaming scary things non-stop, and I almost lost my mind. In general population, it’s always freezing, the food isn’t really food and I became friends with drug dealers, drug addicts, gang members, attempted murders, witnessed horrible violence, deafened myself in against horrible violence, lost the skin on the bottom of my feet in a fight, learned more about illegal drugs then I ever wanted to know, had hard drugs offered to me, weed, crack, heroin, ecstasy, and never really slept more than 4 hours at a time because there is noise always. The smell of body odor is profluent because deodorant is very hard to get, wore the same underwear for the entire two weeks before I could wash it, listened to other sad, depressing life stories and if that wasn’t enough, the police were trying to medicate me non-stop with vicodin, sleeping pills, anti-depressants, as well as other uppers and downers. I never caved in and took anything, maybe I should have? They did threaten to let me see a therapist but that never happened. This place made no sense, and I the other prisoners found out about my spots!!!! No bueno….
I told them about the furry sub-culture and the few that accepted me in to their circle had my back, although I was the butt of a lot of jokes. Time went by and I drew furry art and a lot of request for people. I impressed some so much that they were going to get their request tattoo on them! My skill was money in there, thank goodness too because I this was the only thing going for me. My work got me an envelope and I wrote home but never received a letter back. After a week and a half of sending my letter and no response, I lost hope in getting out and fixing my life. The other prisoners showed me how to make a crutch for my pencil because the pencils are tiny. What I mean by crutch is basically make playing card hold your pencil so it would be the length of a normal pencil. What they really did was show me how to make a shiv. Eep!
Weeks when by without knowing what was going on outside, what was the situation with my legal issue, my depression wasn’t letting up either, I was losing weight like crazy, honestly had suicide on my mind and now I had a shiv, finally they took me to court. I was so distraught I really couldn’t make any decision clearly as what to do legally and things when baaaaadly. As they were taking back to general pop, I had some sort of mental break down and I tried, I really, really tried to hold it together too. It was like I was possessed, I lost control myself, I fell to my knees shaking and screaming, balling like my heart wanted to come out of my mouth. I was hot and cold, and my nerves felt like they were exposed. Now curled up on the ground I lost my vision, started to shake violently and drool. I could hear all the cops freaking out standing over me not knowing what to do, and then I passed out.
I don’t know how much time passed but I was dreaming, this didn’t happen much because mostly I had nightmares but now I was dreaming! I dreamed that I was back with my ex-wife and we were having a beautiful picnic, sitting in the sun, eating tacos. After we ate I held her and we talked about our dreams and I was happy, we were happy. Then I woke up, I was back in solitary and like a ton of bricks my depression crushed me. I began to cry because I was in hell. The guards saw my art so to cheer me up they gave me my pencils and my crutch…. After a few days and not killing myself they put me back into general pop. As I walked in everyone was running around screaming and freaking out! The guard was freaking out too! Some sick guy was so mentally ill he was eating his own feces! The madness just never stops. Medics came and so did a lot of cops to handle the situation. Trying not to cry or let my now extreme depression take me again I kept myself active. This was hard because I was emotionally exasted all the time and had no energy, I hardly slept because of nightmares and noise. I still had trouble eating, and was bruised up from previous fight, playing handball, basketball and running in the yard. I was taring up the bottom of my feet and I was in pretty bad pain but I had to keep myself distracted because if I didn’t I might have a psychotic break or kill myself. I read books about the holocaust, people being kidnapped in Australia and then being turned to slaves, failed marriages and murder. The weird thing about reading these stories was these stories were true and people lived through much worse. I drew strength from those stories. More time painfully passed and I became mad fit, meek, better at art request, and everyone was starting to like me, they even started called me cheetah.
One day after 5 hours of playing in the yard I waited for the shower to free up so I could work on more art. I was sweating and stunk like a skunk, so I chilled at the tables yapping with my crew about the blood in my shoes, how bad I smelled, and how I felt I was going to pass out. When the guard yelled for me telling me that I have to get my things, I’m leaving again. My blood ran cold, “fuck! I’m going back to solitary again!” (I still cried a lot) Tearing up I gathered my things but I didn’t cry and everyone was telling me to be strong, dapping me (closest thing to a hug you can do in there) and telling me other words of encouragement. I gave away all the things I earned because I couldn’t keep them where I was going. After what seemed like a longest good bye I was sent out in to the sally port (the room between general pop and the hall) by myself. What the hell was going on??? As usual I was never told what was happening but I figured it out when they brought me to the entrance and told me to put my cloths on sign the bond papers. I was getting out!!! Once that was done I was driven to an office for legal stuff.
The letter I wrote home was received two days after I sent it and my family wrote back right away. I didn’t receive their letter because the police have to read every letter coming in and that takes up to three weeks. My family also tried many times to see me but the police kept screwing up the appointments my family would make. When they finally could see me the video conference cams that you are allowed to see inmates on, would be broken. My family is hurting financially and that’s why it took so long to get the money and they put in everything they had to get me out. I feel bad because that was all their Christmas money as well. They waited for me for 7 hours to get out but it didn’t matter because processing took 9 hours to file me out and on top of that, the police told them the wrong building to wait for me. When I finally did get out I broke down emotionally and with no money or phone I walked over to my ex-therapist’s office across the city to start all over again.
I’ve been out for a week or so now, I’m pretty traumatized, scared, and meek, but I’m pushing through my issues, my depression and slowly getting things going again. I'm very thankful for the people that love me too. I’ll recover from this and I’ll make my life great again. I’m not dead so I'm going keep trying! Never give up, right? K world, what next?
Merry Christmas everyone.
Cheetah Vs. The World
Posted 14 years agoUnderstanding is not a strong quality of people that I know. No matter though, it just makes my life all that much more interesting and challenging, ugh...
Pain and suffering most of the time is at high level and I'm not the best at dealing with it either but I try and keep the complaining as low as possible but I'm reaching my limit as far as keeping things in.
I mean give me a fucking break, I am homeless, jobless, no phone, deal with very bad issues that kill most and everyone is like "So fix it." OMG, I didn't think of that!!! I work very hard to improve my situation and I have A LOT OF NOTHING TO WORK WITH. The floor is dropped out from under me pretty much every other day and if it's not one thing that blows up in my face it's another.
For instance, I'm trying to get a job and bills keep sucking the life out of my ways of making thing happen. My family helps as much as they can but they are hurting as well. I have others that are just simply out to hurt me over and over because they feel that my life isn't hard enough. I feel bad because they have turned in to cold and spiteful souls because of me. How does one move on and feel good about them selves after something like that?
So feeling like a shitbag and stressed beyond stressed, I get the flu, pain on top of pain and my neck swells up to where I can't breath. Went to the ER and they cut my neck open, this shit hurt. No one was around to pick me up from the ER and my neck won't stop bleeding till the morning.... time to walk to where I'm staying the night in the cold, in pain, flu chills, lol.
So fuck... I'm a bad guy but I'm never going to give up trying to make things good. Go ahead world do your worst, I'm not going to LOSE!!!
Pain and suffering most of the time is at high level and I'm not the best at dealing with it either but I try and keep the complaining as low as possible but I'm reaching my limit as far as keeping things in.
I mean give me a fucking break, I am homeless, jobless, no phone, deal with very bad issues that kill most and everyone is like "So fix it." OMG, I didn't think of that!!! I work very hard to improve my situation and I have A LOT OF NOTHING TO WORK WITH. The floor is dropped out from under me pretty much every other day and if it's not one thing that blows up in my face it's another.
For instance, I'm trying to get a job and bills keep sucking the life out of my ways of making thing happen. My family helps as much as they can but they are hurting as well. I have others that are just simply out to hurt me over and over because they feel that my life isn't hard enough. I feel bad because they have turned in to cold and spiteful souls because of me. How does one move on and feel good about them selves after something like that?
So feeling like a shitbag and stressed beyond stressed, I get the flu, pain on top of pain and my neck swells up to where I can't breath. Went to the ER and they cut my neck open, this shit hurt. No one was around to pick me up from the ER and my neck won't stop bleeding till the morning.... time to walk to where I'm staying the night in the cold, in pain, flu chills, lol.
So fuck... I'm a bad guy but I'm never going to give up trying to make things good. Go ahead world do your worst, I'm not going to LOSE!!!
All Nighters Of Art
Posted 14 years agoMy buddy Devin (The Killer Rabbit) is going to R.M.C.A.D. my old school that cost way to much. It's an art school, anyways he has to stay up all night doing home work and the dude works all day. This sucks in so many ways for him and me because mostly I never get to see him any more.
Well we had enough of that shit so I just came over to his place and did art while he did his. It was awesome, he got his work done, we drank kinda hard and felt like hell in the morning. Now my sleep schedule is mega fucked but I have been working on art non-stop since and it looks like my partial cheetah fursuit will be done in time for Halloween, plus other fursuit works!
I'm loving life now and damn I could get use to this. ART! ART! ART!!!
By the way I so hate posting pics of W.I.P's. I'm just a dork like that.
Well we had enough of that shit so I just came over to his place and did art while he did his. It was awesome, he got his work done, we drank kinda hard and felt like hell in the morning. Now my sleep schedule is mega fucked but I have been working on art non-stop since and it looks like my partial cheetah fursuit will be done in time for Halloween, plus other fursuit works!
I'm loving life now and damn I could get use to this. ART! ART! ART!!!
By the way I so hate posting pics of W.I.P's. I'm just a dork like that.
Spinning My Wheels
Posted 14 years agoMade myself a three year plan but most likely it's going to be shot down in a month or so. This is what I'm going to go. I am going to try and get the hell out of the country and deal with problems worse then my own by joining the Peace Corps, all the while drawing. Although here in the now life has been quaint, where everything stays the same, no matter how much I try to change it. At least I feel I am improving slightly with my work but I am much too slow in finishing pieces to my liking.
Discipline and I don't get a long well which is something I am trying to improve desperately on because there are many pieces that I have in my head which I want to create and a fursuit that I have been failing to make for far too long. Hopefully now with all the problems that I have I can finally make these ideas a reality. How does that make sense? I'm going to ignore the over whelming issues, because I can't fix them and work on my ideas and ride my bike. Pretty much I'm going to just be spinning my wheels, going no where fast.
Discipline and I don't get a long well which is something I am trying to improve desperately on because there are many pieces that I have in my head which I want to create and a fursuit that I have been failing to make for far too long. Hopefully now with all the problems that I have I can finally make these ideas a reality. How does that make sense? I'm going to ignore the over whelming issues, because I can't fix them and work on my ideas and ride my bike. Pretty much I'm going to just be spinning my wheels, going no where fast.
