Hey! I posted this on my Trello just now, but I wanted to post a journal regarding this too. But just so everyone knows, I'm still feeling my way into a set schedule I can stick to, I'm learning that some days I may be a little too socially drained to stream and just want to keep to myself to work (kinda like today due to a depressive slump I woke up in), but even if I don't stream I'm still making sure I'm posting wip updates and progress daily to show that I'm just working to myself for the day. :>

Depending on how I'm feeling, I will most likely hold off from accepting those in-stream comms this week that I originally planned to do along with my daily owed pieces, and postpone it to next week while I continue to plow through owed stuff instead. I'm still the worst when it comes to letting my mood affect my art output, so I'd rather not accept anything while I'm in a bit of a depression funk I'm trying to get out of. That way my personal goals for meeting the minimum for the day won't be compromised~

https://trello.com/b/dU3cUcEA/vanis.....-queue-updates

I just wanted to post that I finally made it back home from taking shelter at a friend's house during the storm this weekend. Thankful to say that the storm completely dodged us with minimum damage and we somehow still had power!! I came home to no damage done to my apartment, but my area in general is pretty cluttered with all the damage it took...plus flooding here and there.

But yeah, despite all that I'll be taking tomorrow to do a bit of catch up and draw up some commission wips to knock out during my streams this week. I'll post when I go live either late tomorrow or Wednesday. Keep an eye out on my trello for progress~

Hey, so Sarasota is officially under a watch for both the hurricane and the tropical storms to follow, along with voluntary evacuation. My parents have distressed they want me out of here if I can manage it, so I will be holding off from streaming until next week. I will however be finishing up the stuff for tonight and tomorrow on my queue in the meantime since I'm looking to take my computer with me when I leave to either head to a friend's place or a hotel, depending on what works out best. I'll be working on some quick goat adopts after I finish my owed stuff tonight to help gather some emergency funds to help!

I'll probably eventually start posting submissions for streaming when I have a pic to use, but for now I'll use my journal for now lmao. Stream's up! https://picarto.tv/VaniKun

Just wanted to make a quick note here since I just left one up on my Trello, but I will be streaming commissions this evening. I stayed up a bit too late last night, so I'm just now getting some rest now that I'm finally getting tired. I'd estimate it to be around 6 or 7 pm, I shouldn't be out for too long. Plus I figure a lot of people won't be out of work until later anyways. I'll post when I'm live! For now I need to crawl into bed pff. Turning my sleep schedule around is going to be troublesome.

Howdy. I apologize to have deleted that other journal, but to be quite frank and honest, it has been exceedingly overwhelming for me and I don't handle that kind of stuff very well. The stress plus overwhelming negativity from it all makes me anxious and keeps me at bay. That's exactly why I'm disabling comments here for the time being, because what I have to say, along with some decisions I have made to move forward, is absolutely final and I won't be changing my mind anytime soon.

First of all, I have a Trello now. Something that needed to happen for sure. This will be the absolute best way to keep up with everything from now on. I'll be posting wips and updates weekly. Please, please view this before you reach out to me about anything. I would say the only reason to reach out would be for a refund, pass along a new character reference to switch to or you'd like to switch to a new commission type you're eligible for. Status will be completely view-able on here, if you don't see a wip? Just means I have yet to start on yours yet. But you will be able to see the ones I'm working on at the time. I will be trucking down these lists to the best of my ability.

https://trello.com/b/dU3cUcEA/vanis.....-queue-updates

I'm aware that there are some folks missing, and for the sake of organization purposes, I have forms on the side there for people to fill out if they don't see themselves on the queue. You see, after months of letting messages become chaotic and out of control, a lot of commission info has been scattered and buried. I find it would be way easier to get a form going so I have it all in once place where messages can't interfere with information. The people I have listed already? I have your info and refs, so you don't necessarily have to fill out a form unless you'd like to switch your characters.

So definitely fill out the form you fall under if you don't see your name on here at all, please, I'd appreciate that. Otherwise if you're there, you're good to go. Keep an eye out for a wip. My wips are a bit spontaneous to be honest, even if you're a newer or older client, you have a chance of seeing an early wip even if my schedule for the week is to work on sketch commissions only, which is what I will be mainly focusing on this month. I want to clear these up asap, and here's why:

I decided to test out a new workflow, the idea and encouragement is courtesy to a good friend of mine who I've been doing a lot of pep talk with regarding my on-going issue with getting work completed. That'd be from , she's been wonderful, and suggested I try out a streaming schedule similar to her's where she was able to not only knock out her old queue, but generate weekly income. Which I need given what I have to pay on every month and a major development in my life recently that I've touched on in a separate document. So if you see my Trello there, you can see the first two pieces that will be streamed this following week. It's definitely something I'll have to test out first to see if it's something I can stick to for sure, and if I'm successful after the first week of working strictly on owed stuff from my queue, I'd like to dedicate a day to new in-stream commissions just to see what I'm capable of getting done in a day. Then repeat the process next week with the next round of owed commissions. Rinse, cycle, repeat.

I also feel this will lessen the need to put out so many adopts as well, and limit how much I get out monthly. I hope this is something we can all agree on, because I definitely don't ever want to reach a point where I get burned out on them. I'd like to possibly get to a point where I only auction off a custom design slot monthly. Not anytime soon of course, but something I'm considering since I'm starting to get a little sad seeing designs get tossed around like mere trading fodder.

Now, I'd also like to take a moment to mention three friends of mine who have volunteered to lend a hand in management with my queue and client communication since it hasn't been the best or improved much. That would be  Shibarin,  coyoteseas, and  neaa . They'll be lending a hand in my streams, answering emails and also we're considering making a telegram as well for Trello updates and updates in general just as another form for people to stay in the loop. I'll announce that once it's a thing!

So starting this Tuesday, I'll be conducting the test run of my stream schedule. I've already fixed my sleep schedule for it too since it was out of control. so it will be starting at 2pm on weekdays, for now at least. I'd like to go earlier if I can as I progress. You can view my streams on Picarto: https://picarto.tv/VaniKun

Now, if you're one of those people who like to get more of a personal update and would like to know the details of why I made these decisions and what caused a few delays as of recently, you can read the full document here. The first page is a brief summary before I dive in deep if you want to just stop there: https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....it?usp=sharing

That's all for now! If you'd like to discuss any of this with me in private, my notes are open.

*Edit: Oop, Failed to mention that all of my sketch commissions that were originally traditional, will be switched to digital sketches to be streamed! They'll all receive a complimentary color upgrade to make up for the wait I've put you all through. If you'd still like to keep it traditional, let me know.

This has been something I've been rattling around in my mind for the past week now, like, ever since my last two large scale solo adopts were AB'd within less than minutes upon posting, I've been getting a lot of inquiries regarding what's coming up next. On top of that I've got people wanting to claim adopts before they even go up since they're never around when these are posted, or they want a custom. It's been overwhelming! But in the best way possible, and I can't begin to thank you all enough who support me through purchasing my adoptables. Until I can start making ends meet with my new job, these are definitely keeping me afloat in the meantime.

That being said, I've been seriously considering starting a Patreon, just so I can have a place to post wips of adopts because I have a tendency to start on some, only to save them for later. So I usually have a good pile to choose from when I need to put an adopt up. Not only would I post wips, but I would offer specialized adopts for patrons I guess?? Also do a monthly sorta thing where I auction off a custom slot or something, I dunno!! Just some ideas because I want everyone to get a fair chance at grabbing an adopt from me. I get too many messages and comments about how people miss out and I can't control how fast these get swiped up. So I would want to find a way to guarantee that anyone who becomes a patron can have their fair chance at getting a design.

On top of that, I would also upload art and sketches I don't normally post or keep to my private twitter. Most likely some small tutorials, brush settings, notes from when I was taking courses at Ringling and how I apply to them to my work these days, traditional art and sketches, and also...design notes and how I go about choosing colors and things of that nature.

Let me know what you guys think about this, and when I have some free time to sit down this weekend I will gladly start figuring out how to get this set up, and feel free to suggest other things you'd like to see from me there.

I'm thinking this would be a good thing to have so that I can offer more in terms of merch that folks have been asking about too. Like my charms I put up recently? I definitely only get those made for cons since I split the costs with friends, but if I had extra funds coming in from this I can definitely make more happen.

Just wanted to share that I finally got around to opening this store up, the design is really basic for now until I can customize it with my own stuff ; ^ ; But stuff is ready to grab! And I just so happen to live next door to a post office, so shipping will most definitely be super lightning quick.

I would say to grab the charms while you can, they're merely leftovers from MFF and I only have like 7-12 of each one. Buttons however, I have plenty of haha.

http://sogaykingu.tictail.com/

Incase anyone's curious, I've been alright! Just quiet and super reclusive to think about a lot of stuff I need to work on in terms of being able to take care of myself and my new home. I'm doing pretty good and things are somewhat settling down. This week I'll be tying up the loose ends with things here at my new place in terms of getting my electricity bill set up and my friend will be signing off the lease, so this place will be officially under my name.

I pretty much knocked myself out with all the transitioning and moving I did this month, on top of the furniture hauling and building too, so when it was all over with I needed some serious isolation time to basically just, finally be able to relax and chill for once after being so rattled with anxiety for so long. It really helped a lot! I was able to start back on my routine dieting I do a few times a year and I heard back from my job that I'll be officially working on the 10th of this month. So that'll be next week. You could say things are picking up.

Since my job got back to me so late, and literally at the last minute (I applied to Amazon back in March), I'm working on getting my online store up to sell some leftover merch to help with getting what I need for bills and the remainder of rent, along with finishing up a few other solo adopts and a new base I came up with to play around with. So those will be up this week since I need to get as much done before work starts, it'll be a fulltime job and a physical one at that, so I'm looking forward to probably being exhausted a lot.

However, the good news is that this job will literally take care of everything (Bills and rent at least) So it means I won't have to scramble and do adopts for all my living essentials like I've been having to do for the last year or so. I can start making plans and figuring out how much I can start setting aside for refunds and things of that nature once I start working and figure out what my schedule's gonna be looking like. So I'll be addressing that in the near future once things get rolling and I can see how this is gonna pan out.

Just thought I'd share, because it's been on my mind ever since I've been in my own little hole you could say. I'll be getting to any neglected messages soon// Sorry to anyone I've left hanging, when I recluse, I go into severe anti-social mode where I just wanna be alone with my thoughts. It's how I recover from stuff.

Just wanted to post a note that I'm extending this current auction until tomorrow due to the sudden bid withdraws here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23166747/

There's three of these guys left with low bids, grab them while you can!! After this, these will be retired and I won't be making anymore. I'll be moving on to figuring out a new base to play with once I can finally manage to get a workstation set up for my computer at my new place.

Just wanted to give a quick update and say that my move is going pretty well so far, I'm still in process of getting everything moved down from the house I was at. so I've got my hands tied unpacking and hauling stuff around... I wasn't able to get moved in completely until Thursday when my internet was set up lol. I still have the power to get switched over to my name and all that other fun utility stuff.

At this time stuff is still slow for me with moving and getting settled since I still need to figure out what I'm doing about furniture so I have somewhere to actually put my belongings. All I have at the moment is an air mattress and this kitchen island and a bar stool to work with in terms of a work area for my computer lol. So I'm trying to scrape together what I need to get a computer desk and a bed or futon for the time being.

So adopts will still be going up to help with that, and also, I put up some of my bases for sale for folks to purchase and use for themselves. I've gotten a bunch of notes about where they can be purchased, so I thought I'd make a journal regarding it: https://sellfy.com/stripesandteeth

SO I BIT the bullet and decided to call down to the apartment complex where I'll be subleasing??? And?? Apparently I've been approved for the sublease!! Only reason why I didn't hear about it was bc the agent we were working with for it is on their days off rn so lmao jhgsdf

OKAY so now it's just a matter of getting what I need for the sublease and I should be good to go! So I'll be cranking out more adopts to help get what I need in the meantime ;0; It's just $1200 plus what I need to get my cats vaccinated for the year since they need this info prior to moving in.

Well, I'm sitting here spending my birthday finishing packing up to get out of the house. Still no word on that sublease yet... so I gotta start making arrangements for a hotel room or find someone I can crash with for a few days until this is all figured out. I'm hoping that, at least I can stay at my friend's house for a little while. The one thing that's keeping me is that they have a dog that's not used to cats.. so I may need to ask my landlord to watch over them for me, which she'd probably be cool with since her husband loves Himalayans...

Eh.. hopefully I can have a good day despite all of this.

Due to the response from my last journal, I won't try and make it to FWA. To be honest, I only brought it up for discussion since a friend of mine suggested I go for business only and sell off my merch to help out. But if this is really going to make things look bad, I won't do it... I didn't mean to cause such an uproar. It's just, cons have never let me down before, I always can bring in a good chunk when I need to. So I thought that maybe going would help out my cause...

I'll just stick to my plans of opening up an online store regardless of the setbacks I was worried about..

I just wanted to post another update in regards to new sources of receiving my funds.

 Manlychan will be accepting donations for me that anyone would like to send through his paypal link: https://www.paypal.me/manlychan

He'll also be accepting them for my fundraiser as well. I have three other mutual friends that will be accepting my adopt funds.

I'm also contemplating FWA. I actually booked a room back in October or whenever those rooms went up, and I have friends in my room. I was originally going to just call it off because of my new job and my current emergency at hand, but apparently I won't be starting work until a little later on in April. So I was thinking about making it regardless to sell off my leftover MFF merchandise and prints in the artist alley to help with my emergency, along with offering to do cheap sketches in people's sketchbooks and nothing more than that while I'm there. Maybe accept donations as well if people want to help me out.

I was thinking about this since with the issue with Paypal being a thing, if I opened up my store for the merch I have, shipping would be delayed until I could get the funds myself... that's what I'm a tad worried about. So I figured maybe it'd be best to sell it off in the artist alley? Especially for the cause, I hope I can just get rid of it all.

If I can get some interest going on that, I may wind up going if it's going to help me out with gathering extra funds. I'll post another journal if I decide to go. Atlanta's just a $40, 8 hour trip for me from Tampa and I have friends to split room costs. So it wouldn't be too bad of an investment if I can sell off everything on me.

Still haven't heard back about that sublease yet, but I'm trying to remain hopeful with the short amount of time I have.

So.... ..

... I have to start from...scratch in regards to everything I have raised so far for moving. The paypal account I was using under my mom's name was picked up on the high risk radar due to the recent high traffic of transactions, plus it being a new business account as well since.. that needed to happen in order to keep receiving funds needed for the emergency.

So it's been locked now, due to the fact that I'm using the same artist name that's also on my account that's been experiencing chargebacks from clients who don't want to be patient with me and my situation. So.

My accounts have been permanently limited until the negative balance can be paid off. Even tossing in everything I have saved up so far will not pay it off, but will get me pretty far, and the balance could be paid off with another set or two of adopts. However, that will leave me with $0 for moving, plus my car note is coming up and if that isn't paid it'll be up for repossession since I'm behind on payments.

I don't know what to do anymore. I keep doing my best to crawl out of the hole I'm in, only to keep getting shoved back down by /something/.

I was feeling pretty hopeful today because an old college acquaintance offered a sublease on his apartment since he wants to move in with his friends, and a sublease is a little easier to obtain. We completed the paperwork on that today, and I paid the admin fees on that with high hopes. I worry about the credit check part but... if I'm approved, all that needs to be paid is April's rent and pet fees. That's only $1200 that I pretty much have obtained already with my adopts and generous donations. I would have been taken care of if I get that approval tomorrow. But now, with my account being locked due to the issues regarding chargebacks from clients who refuse to be understanding, I'm just completely out of luck. I can't receive anything, anywhere, until that negative balance is paid. I can send what I have acquired already, but that would leave me with little time to start over and get the funds I need.

I also had a store I wanted to set up as well to sell leftover charms and my eevee buttons, but that will be delayed due to this happening with my account. I'm thinking about getting my best friend to manage my store for me with their paypal account in the mean time though, but shipping anything will be delayed until I can access the funds. I'll have to accept funds for anything now through other friends until this negative balance can be resolved. I've been reassured full restoration of my accounts if that balance can be paid off after speaking to a paypal supervisor

...all I can really do now is just work on as many adopts as possible, hoping I get approved for that sublease in the meantime. I'll be putting up more zonkeys and using old bases. Hopefully despite this setback, I can make it through and not end up in the worst case scenario.

I want to take a moment though to thank people who still decide to stick around and support me, like... I wouldn't have gotten this far if it weren't for those who buy my adopts, share, RT, donate, whatever it is that you do to show you still want to support me despite the flack I receive about commissions. You're all the ones that keep me going and being hopeful. I appreciate you and I feel like I need to make that known and say it more often because I don't acknowledge it enough. I'm trying to fix things, and it's your support that gives me the reassurance that things will turn around once I'm able to stand on my two feet for once.

Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement on my last journal, If anyone wants to spread this or donate, the link to the Youcaring fund I started is here: https://www.youcaring.com/vanimovingfunds

I also have a ko-fi for those who don't have much but still want to help!: http://ko-fi.com/sogaykingu

I'm still going to be working on adopts to get this amount I need in the meantime. ;; Got a bunch coming soon, I'm working on them currently.

So I may or may not be beginning to panic a whole bunch given I have less than a week here at my current place. Good news is that upgrading my paypal to a business account fixed my issue with the monthly release I spoke of in my previous journal. So I can get the funds I need with no issues now..

Bad news is that I keep running into places that won't allow me to rent due to the fact that when my credit was ran recently, I found out I owe funds to the apartment complex i rented out in Texas last year. Trying to remain positive about this.... I decided to call them to see if there was a way I could just get this taken care of so it'll no longer be an obstacle..?? However it's way worse than I had imagined.

What I owed them (lease termination fees + remainder of July's rent) had been turned over to collections, and after 6 or so months of that occurring interest, I owe them $6000.... I'm like still in denial about it, because I was hoping it'd be like under $1200?? You know, something manageable that I could set up payments on. They said they sent out mail about this, but I never got anything in the mail about owing them anything. I can definitely understand the termination fees, but I gave the office a heads up that I'd be leaving in July, which I did. I was only there for a week.. so it'd make sense to charge for the days I stayed..?? But they charged the entire month + late fees. Idk, There was a lot of miscommunication involved. Especially since my original intent was to stay and just renew my lease, only for things to come up personally that forced me to make the decision to leave altogether..

My only options for paying off this debt is to pay it off in 12 months, which would be monthly payments of $500. Or, they offered the option of lowering the amount to $5000 if I can pay at least 3% of it today, and pay off the rest next month. Either way that's still a lot of money I don't have right away, and in order for me to rent anywhere, this needs to be paid off.

Like.. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't have anyone I can stay with, given the majority of people I can consider friends live with their parents, or those I could stay with live miles away. I don't have any relatives I could stay with. Dad doesn't want me back at the house, the only thing I have is the little support of my mom who'll help with bills sometimes if I'm in a crunch..

I just got hired at a new job that's going to pay well, but if I can't find a place to stay... I won't be able to keep it. I really need it because of those health benefits due to my lack of health insurance.

I've been contemplating a youcaring or gofundme, but I can't help but feel overwhelmed with doubt that I wouldn't really get anything from it.

So I really don't know what to do at this point... I feel like all I can do is accept that I'm just gonna end up homeless, like even if I did get the amount I needed for move-in fees to a new place. Doesn't matter at all since I owe funds to a previous place..

Hey, so I wanted to post about a huge obstacle I'm facing in regards to getting the funds I need for my emergency I posted about a few days ago: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8133427/

So I've been mainly spending the majority of my time this week going from place to place for apartments and looking for a complex that will approve me despite my janked up credit. I found out I owe on the apartment I left in Texas without notice (or maybe they tried to send mail and it got lost?), and I'm in collections until that's paid off. (Found this out via a background/credit check when I was applying for a place that could have moved me in this weekend if I was approved...smfh) Luckily in that situation I wasn't evicted, and that's the one thing that will keep me from renting period around here. However, lots of places also don't want you owing expenses to a previous rental whether you were evicted or not. So my best bet so far has been finding folks who will allow me to rent with a hefty security deposit and verifiable income despite the collections I owe. I've found a few but the costs are totaling up to around $1600-$2000.

It's a steep amount, but it's not impossible to get if I stick to my current schedule of getting adopts done daily like I've been doing, I should be able to get this. But the obstacle I'm running into is with the monthly release amount on Paypal. Thanks to my recent adopts, I'm already well over this limit, and a good chunk of that is being held up already. I called Paypal about this to see if that limit could be raised or if there was a way I could get access to the held funds quicker due to my emergency I explained to them. The best they could do for me was mark the transactions as processed and they'll be released by the end of the month. However uh, anything else that comes through will be held. It's really got me freaking out!!! because I have such little time to get these funds and if they're gonna be held up? What's... the point????

I was told I could still get funds to my account if they're sent as friends/family BUT that is dangerous, which I exclaimed to the phone rep because I don't want my account getting flagged for a bunch of those types of transactions. So far it seems the best way to go about it is if I get adopt payments sent to a couple of friends of mine, and they can send a lump sum as friends/family. Or pay a square invoice.

BUT it kind of hit me that maybe? If people don't mind who are going to be purchasing adopts for this emergency of mine, that the payments could be sent in the form of a donation if set up a donation link..? Because basically anything marked as goods/services at this point is going to be withheld for several days and I can't afford to have those funds held up at a time like this..

So I wanted to get some feedback or an opinion about that, just to see if any of you would be comfortable with that! Let me know what you think or if you have any other suggestions. Because right now it's looking like either Square or having people send funds to my friends seems like my only option at this time with the release limit being met.

Heya, just posting here for those who don't follow my twitter, I posted another update in regards to my recent absence and explaining the reasoning behind it. It would be great if it could be checked out incase you're wondering why a message or email hasn't be responded to. I hope it gives some insight:

https://twitter.com/AshKetchumSays/.....42427820036102

Long story short, I have less than two weeks to gather up enough funds to move into an apartment or another living arrangement. I'm doing this all by myself, I don't have the convenience of having roommates or a significant other. Or family to help. It's all on me.

This was somewhat short notice by my landlord due to a family emergency that involves them needing to move some of their in-laws down so they can be taken care of in their home. So they need the house back that I'm renting out.

Originally I had plans to move out in May since my current roommates are leaving this month, and I simply can't afford $1200 a month all on my own, on top of the hefty amount of bills I have to pay alone. Without rent to worry about, I have $450 in bills I need to cover, so, It's rough. I've gone the majority of this month living on what scraps I could find in my "emergency" box of food I brought over from Texas. Mostly uh, rice and shit. lmao. It's great.

So within these two weeks I'm going to be busy searching for work (I already have been hired through amazon but haven't gotten an official start date yet, so in the meantime I'm seeing if there's anything that can take me on immediately that pays what I need), and using my spare time on adopts to raise at least $1500. That's my minimum, and I fear it won't be enough but here's to hoping it will.

I've had people asking where they can donate, and if you would like to, it would be greatly appreciated. You can lend me a bit to eat or something for moving through my paypal (that's my mom's name on the account btw) link: https://www.paypal.me/sogaykingu

Or through Ko-fi: http://ko-fi.com/sogaykingu

Thanks for reading. At this time I will be mainly posting mass updates until I'm in a secure place, so I apologize for those who are still waiting on individual responses..

Hello, I have a huge update to make regarding what I plan to do for those waiting on art from me. Please, please read this in full. Once you do, get in touch with me. It's lengthy, but very important. I can't stress it enough. Please read this in full before getting in contact with me.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....ddTUJZ0oXKRAt0

I made a doc for it because it's long, but long story short I'm wanting to resort to refunds and would like to raise the amount I need with adoptables. I've reached a breaking point given the current situation I'm in with my living situation and I can't handle this any longer. I'm tired of keeping people waiting and it's not fair to you all to keep enduring the setbacks I keep facing. I ask that you read the reasoning why I came to this conclusion after reflecting on making this decision and carefully think it through before responding to me. Thank you.

I hope you're all having a good holiday.

Disabling comments for the time being, my mind is made up.

I do, I use it in random bursts when I don't particularly feel like sharing my sketchbook doodles anywhere else if I don't post them on twitter or smth, that or stuff I'm working on I feel like giving a sneak preview on ... or photos of my cats... or me.. but

It's here. B) https://www.instagram.com/stripesandteeth/

I just wanted to post a journal to say that I got back from my trip!! Well...I got back late on Wednesday. I'm still in recovery mode considering I drove all the way from Texas, to Philly... followed by New York and then.. across Pennsylvania to Indiana and down back to Texas. I've been all over lmao. We got stuck in Indiana for a few days this week due to the sudden snow storm and a flat tire.

But hey, I just wanted to give a shout out to everyone who purchased an adopt from me or one of my old OC's! It really helped and we were successful in getting  Manlychan's hormone supply that he was terribly in need of! Now he's set to find someone down here with the referral his doctor gave him, along with continuing what he's on rn thanks to them straightening things out with the pharmacy near us. So I really appreciate it and am just so thrilled that he won't have to worry about this anymore.

I'll post another journal soon regarding my current art status, I just wanted to let everyone know where I was at this current moment. :> Feel free to reach out to me if you need me for any reason. I should be ready to get back to the grind soon.

Hey guys, just wanted to post a reminder that my auction for my new king hyena designs ends at 1 AM central time tonight! My anxiety's getting the better of me, so I decided to extend it by one extra hour lol. In the mean time I am tossing up old characters of mine on my twitter ( https://twitter.com/AshKetchumSays ) for sale at cheaper set prices!! Ranging from $30-$60!! I'm just going through my files and selecting a few to see if there's any interest.

I'm just trying to gather what I can for this trip tomorrow. x^x;; I do not want a repeat of what happened when I suddenly took off for Florida this summer and there was a problem with my check from work, couldn't get it cashed, and I didn't have enough funds to get back home on or to afford hotel room stays...soooo I'm just doing what I can to be secure. I'm not looking to have to suddenly take in more commissions due to an emergency I can mostly avoid.

It would mean a lot if you could grab an adopt (Auction here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18635255 ) or one of my old characters from me if anyone's interested! It's looking like I'll have enough for gas, but I'm still trying to make sure I have enough for my best friend's hormones, doctor visit, food and few hotel stays along the way.

Hey so, I just wanted to post an update of sorts about my recent whereabouts and how I'm doing.

First of all I wanted to say thank you to everyone who took a moment to leave a comment on my last journal or attempted to reach out to me after seeing my journal. It really means a lot that you all took a moment to show concern and care. I'm not the best when it comes to speaking or wanting to conversate when I'm in such a dark place like that so I'm sorry for the lack of replies. If you noticed my twitter from the past couple of days ago, that dark place was just getting darker lol. I was really about to lose it and give up completely...like to the point where I was about to just pack up stuff and leave...I didn't know what to do with myself. But thanks to my friends (specifically  AcidHybrid <3) that reached out to me they managed to ease me out from doing so. Stuff like that goes a long way with me, so again thank you all so much. I appreciate every single one of your comments.

I did manage to see my therapists this past week along with going to see a doctor about getting medication...and now they're gonna set me up with a psychiatrist lmao. SO MANY. But apparently it's necessary. One of my therapists focuses on not only mental health issues but also gender identity, so I've been having a great time seeing her lately. She's been helping me sort out my thoughts and it's been wonderful. So I'm somewhat on track to getting the help I need so I can stop focusing on negative things that clutter my thoughts. I really hate that when I get this way it keeps me from doing what I need to be doing?? It's the worst. I hate shutting down completely.

I just really hate that it halted me with getting my queue done by the end of the year like I promised, however, after working on it bit by bit now I kind of see how much I'm capable of at this time. Part of me doesn't really want to set an absolute date at this point until my drive has kicked back up and I feel better setting something more concrete once I see how things are coming along. I do like to think my health is kind of a priority..

I'm just hoping these meds will start kicking in and get me out of this overall rut I've been in for most of this month. I'm in that sort of situation where even though things were talked out and...somewhat soothed over, I'm still deeply hurting. Like I can't stop it, I can't stop replaying what was said to me and it's going to take some time to heal. I haven't felt this hurt over something in a very long time. I'm usually pretty cautious of those I let get close to me and very careful with who I let in... so for someone near and dear to me to say the absolute worst possible thing to me that I'd never imagined..?? I... it has cut so deeply into me. As you can tell it shattered me completely and here I am having to see a therapist weekly now. So lol. I'm still not all that okay, but somewhat stable at least so I can attempt at starting to pick myself back up. So I ask for your patience with me at this time, I'm in such a vulnerable state and I need the time to get my strength back up.

I'm going to be posting some art soon, along with a wave of new adoptables. I don't know if you recall from one of my last journals, but I mentioned trying to gather funds to take myself and  Manlychan to PA this weekend for New Years. We're mostly going due to the fact that his doctor is being kind of dickish and won't prescribe him anymore of his hormones until he comes in for a check up. We've had the hardest time trying to find a doctor here because his mother cut him off from her insurance after seeing him trying to get consultations for chest surgery and what have you. 8/ So mow it's really expensive for him and he hasn't started his new job yet. However, the clinic he went to back at home still has his info and his appointments are free if he comes in on specific days...?? I guess Philadelphia just has more Trans resources where this stuff has easier access. So I'm trying to help him out the best I can since I always try to do absolutely anything in my power to support him. He's been suffering major withdrawals ever since he's been having to go off and on due to lack of hormones over the past two months now and it hasn't been fun... it's been affecting all of us lol. It would be a huge relief for him if he could go get his three-four month supply so he can start his new job and year off like he would like to. That way in this time frame he can start working and get the referral he needs to get a doctor down here where we are in Texas.

So yeah :') Definitely need to get on the road this week, so any help with grabbing an adopt from me would be greatly appreciated by all of us! These will also be my last wave of King Hyenas too because I feel super lame using the same base over and over again lmao... but I did say I'd make one more batch of these for those who missed out on the last ones.