I sure do hate having feelings for straight girls.

You know I try to refrain from doing so, always seeing if there would be a chance?

I kind of fell for someone at the time when they were like "ohh I'm primarily straight, but I like who I like, if I happen to like a girl I will."

And I was just like oh man now's my chance /pursuit

and then she's all like "yeah I'm straight now" and I'm all DON'TdOThIS............. /OTL

woop too late already attached way to go.

I kind of woke up a tad upset about it, so I felt the need to semi-vent if that makes any sense. The good thing about coming back here is that I have somewhere to let out things I can't particularly say elsewhere pfft.

I'm organizing a list of stuff I need to get for AFO at the beginning of August and I need some white fur to add to two of my cosplays. Before I put down that I need to buy some, I was wondering if anyone had any to spare maybe? That they don't need anymore? I need both long pile and short pile. If you do, note me and we can talk about possible exchanges for it~

I need about half a yard for a hoodie I need to fix...and then some smaller pieces for Korra. I need to make her boots and I think my roommate's gonna make her jacket for me. So I need both somewhat large portions for her hood and small ones for her shoulder cuffs.

If not...anyone have any good places to recommend buying some reasonably priced fur? I: I probably only need a yard maybe.

Livestreaming  ariakitty's two icon commissions! Feel free to come by and watch if you like~

http://www.livestream.com/superkawaiiarttime

So

I am

done contacting everyone, if you never got a note from me and I owe you a commission, please note me since that must means you were never on my to-do list or something. I'm pretty sure I got everyone though.

Now I just gotta wait for everyone to get back to me, but until then I'm gonna compile the new up to date list with everyone who has gotten back to me and then add on the others once they've gotten in contact with me. I'm getting a little antsy just waiting around and I want to get started as soonnn as possibleee because I have some other things I need to work on and a con at the end of the month to prep for. qAq; I don't wanna end up getting stressed out like I did for Metrocon, eek.

I'll update again pretty soon with the list and some plans I have for weekends that you guys may or may not be interested in. Something involving livestreams and some old characters I have I want to auction off possibly.

I'm gonna be uploading some old art that I still like kinda haha. It may be a lot, it may only be one or two more. I just feel the need to add new stuff to my gallery.

Also I'm almost done contacting everyone on my list, if you haven't gotten a note yet you should see it sometime today. I'm still waiting on people to reply so I figured while I'm getting things organized I can at least update my gallery a bit..

Wowie so you know you haven't been on FA in a long time if you literally have to manually delete things since you can't nuke them all together. I'm still...trying to delete everything. Ah.

Anyways, hello...hi. Some or a lot of you, who knows, already knew about me coming back here and showing my face finally. As I promised, here's that journal I said I'd make to announce important updates and what have yous. A lot has changed from since I last updated...things have happened and come up, etc. But I'll spare that story, even if it's a big contributor as to why I haven't been around.

Basically I'll get to what's important and that's all the art I owe to a lot of you. I'm here to just kind of own up to my mistakes and finally turn things around. I know that probably won't really redeem myself in some of you guys' eyes but at least I can have that gold star that says you tried.

If you guys haven't seen the recent A_B post by  kkitty23 about how she's being my PR and helping me set things straight, basically I'm updating my to-do list and getting it organized to be done on a weekly basis kind of thing. It can be found here.

http://t.co/zjXIwQm

It goes into depth about everything. Here's the summary though. When I'm done contacting everyone and getting an updated list of art I owe, it will be split up into categories and listed by oldest to newest. Of course, after determining who still wants the art and who wants a refund. That's the first two lists that will be made, after that the list of art owed will have a set schedule where everyone can see. Pretty much I will be trying to complete 3-4 pieces on weekdays, weekends will be going to personal art and art I make for my merchandise to sell online and at conventions. Probably trades too since those need to be fit in along there somewhere to get done.

I would also like to possibly do a livestream every Friday, but I'll talk about that later. It's just an idea I've been tossing around.

I'll also be posting wips so people can see progress and what not. Not only that, but I'm also offering the option for people who want their art still the option to upgrade their commission. Not even just a general quality upgrade, but a possible upgrade to NSFW art. During my time away...i've just kind of gotten a hold of drawing more of it and now I'm at the point where I wouldn't mind doing NSFW art for commissions. I'd like to offer it as a sentiment of sorts...you know, for making you all wait for so long and me being careless and irresponsible.

So! With that underway, I'd like for you all to take a look at this list.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1953643/

Please check to see if you're listed here if I owe you something. I want to make sure I have everyone.

I will be going in order and contacting you if you're on this list. It would be a great help if you find this before I contact you and you note me in advance.

So that's that. I'd like to get started on giving what I owe asap when I finally have an organized and up to date list.

Also with a few of you, I will need to talk to you about exchanging your commission for other types of commissions. Mostly with you guys getting traditional art from me. I kind of lack the materials I need to complete traditional pieces at the moment, so more than likely we will have to discuss other possibilities. Like switching to digital or something of the like.

I'm hoping once I get everything straight...I'll start being around more, you know, besides with just uploading commissions. I've kind of been through a lot while I've been away, I feel like I need some change in my life right now.

If any of you care to listen to what happened or just want to talk to me in general about this situation, feel free to note me or message me on skype on my new name. You can add me @ itsmapletime

I'm extremely sorry for...you know, just kind of up and leaving out of nowhere. But I'm hoping you all are willing to work with me here to finally make things right again.

Also...since i've been gone for so long, my messages and..notes and what nots kind of piled up on me. Like i said I can't even nuke half of the things I have. But I will be deleting everything...starting from scratch and what not. I'll probably be cleaning out my gallery just a bit too. A fresh start would make me feel better about all of this..

First of all, this is  djsammehfox typing this, not Vani. She gave me permission to post this journal.

A group of us, including Vani and I will be attending Anthrocon this year, and we're driving up from Florida to get there. and I have been raising money for Vani to make the trip so she didnt have to take in more commissions to earn the money, because she's working hard to get her to-do list done and doesnt want to add on more. We've almost raised as much as we thought we needed through doing art for donations, but unfortuneatly, one of our carpoolers and roommates for AC can't make it, and the financial difference has put the rest of us in a tight spot. I'm not coming to beg you all for money, but instead to advertise that I am hosting a rather larger digital art auction to pay for the missing persons spot in our room and the gas fair.

The auction can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5883145 and will last until this saturday night. Its a digital ladder auction where you can potentially earn up to 3 seperate pictures with up to 5 characters, and all the money goes to helping to pay for rent and gas for my friends and I.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5883145
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5883145
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5883145
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5883145


So I ask that you at least check it out, or tell a friend. And please remember, this art is by  djsammehfox not Vani. She is working hard to get things from her to-do list done for people, even if it may not look like it. She has indeed been finishing things. Also don't forget that if you need to get in contact with her about a commission, to email her at ajeffers[at]c.ringling.edu and to NOT send a note through FA. Also, Vani is fine, she's just recovering from finals and says she'll be back to upload art soon. ALSO IF YOU COMMISSIONED HER, PLEASE EMAIL YOUR REFS TO HER AT ajeffers[at]c.ringling.edu since she had some computer issues and lost a bunch of them.

Also, if anyone who knows me or Vani personally, is still looking for a room for AC and can pay, please note me at  djsammehfox We have a room at the westin. (or if you need a ride and you're on our way)

Thank you all for taking the time to read this.

-DJSammehFox

Hey everyone! [: Hope you're all doing well!

I just wanted to check in and finally make some official news about commissions and what not since I've been getting a few notes and emails lately about them. As you can see, I hope, I've finally picked up somewhat of a productivity streak again and have made myself some sort of schedule to work on a commission or two per day. So far this is rather successful, and I think it's mostly because I found myself a new motivation. Which, I wanted to talk about!

So, as most of you know, my commission list is rather long right now and I'm just now finding the inspiration to start plowing through them. Mostly got the help from my mom, who's finally come to terms with the fact that I really want to stay here in Florida. xD So she's all for that, as long as I help support myself with some sort of income. Not only that, but I also I have some side projects I want to start working on, but my mom also told me I'm on my own for that...so I need income for those as well. SO! Realizing this was enough to kick myself in the ass and start getting things done. I'm aiming to have a good majority of my list done before the Spring, and to be completely done by the beginning of the summer.

Another good motivation I found, is that I would really like to start holding auctions for a single commission only after good chunks of my list is completed. You know, kind of like "goal points" if that makes any sense.

I've already marked down the auction spots here on my list.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1953643/

As you can see, the first one is coming up very soon once my icons are all finished.

I figured this would be a good way to have some sort of income coming along, since from what I've learned, there's always going to be those times where I need money for something...whether it's for art supplies for class or a bill that needs to be paid, and I just don't have it and have to take in a few small commissions. So instead of taking in tons of commissions and adding on more to my backlog and getting stressed out about it, I figured I'd just hold an auction for one slot and one only. That, and to open that one slot, stuff on my current list will need to be completed in order to hold said auction. So, hopefully this benefits us all haha.

I hope this all sounds good! Because I'm rather excited now to start plowing through my list! I just need to figure out what to hold auctions for. That's where I need you guys' suggestions. I already know I want to hold an auction for reference sheets and digital pieces in general, but what would you guys be interested in getting from me? Let me know so I can start planning that out!

Another thing I wanted to say is that come this summer, my commission tos and prices are going to be completely revamped since I'll be needing to do commissions for a good chunk of my income now. So yes, this means that I will be raising my prices, but not to anything insane. Most of my prices will probably only go up by $5-$10 at the most. If anything, I will probably check in and say "Hey, are these reasonable to you guys or not?" fff.

So yeah, that's all I have to update on. C: I'm back in school now, but this semester is going to be pretty laid back, so I can stick to my commission schedule as it is now, especially if I can get Fridays off.

I got one a while back! Probably gonna just use it to reblog crap that amuses me and stuff that inspires me. That and I'll probably post sketches and stuff I don't post online. xD Most likely things from school haha. So if you have one, feel free to share it! I'm looking for more people to follow.

Here's mine~

http://stripesandteeth.tumblr.com/

Ah, and if you have any favorite tumblrs, feel free to share them! <3

Hey guys, just a small update to let my commissioners know that I'm back in Sarasota now! (8 I'll be getting to commissions this week, so I will try to get as much done as possible before school starts. xD I already completed three badges and sent them along their way, which I was very pleased to get out of the way finally haha. So if you want any status updates, feel free to note me! Hope you all had a great New Years <3

If you want that is. xD I needed to get a new name for a while now because the msn on my pc was starting to crap out, that and eh, I need a new fresh contacts list since a good majority of the people on there fell out of contact ff. So, I just kind of want to start over with some new people to add and talk to.

Feel free to add me~

stripesandteeth[at]live.com

I also had got a new skype a little while ago too, so if you wanna add me on skype too, that's fine! My new s/n there is vanibutts

Sorry for all the journals tonight, I'm just trying to get myself situated. xD I fill this list out every year...

Step 1
Make a post in your journal containing your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple to really big. The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

If you wish for real-life things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where folks could get in touch with you.

Step 2
Surf around other lists to see who has posted their list. If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream for free--do it. You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call. There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special

Step 3
The List

1. Artwork! I love getting art of my characters...I'm secretly an art whore, normally I commission artists every now and then, but this year hasn't been a good year for me at all, so I haven't gotten the chance to really get much art at all. xD So any art of my characters would be amazing! Especially of my fursona, Vani; my malesona, Ashton; and my personal character Zeth! or art of my friend's character Rowan and my character Trixy together. <33 I'll post some sort of references when I get the chance, but if you need any right away, feel free to ask. I'm sure I can pull something up. (Btw, badges would be amazing...I don't have many badges at all fff)

2. Fanart! As in, fanart for some of my favorite series like Hetalia and Kuroshitsuji! I would love some delicious art of Grell, Undertaker, Ronald Knox <-- especially him...he doesn't get much love at all, France, Austria, and Canada! <3 ( I may be asking the wrong place for this kind of stuff haha)

3. Anime merchandise! You know, small things like keychains, buttons, posters and what have yous. The little cheap stuff you buy at cons, which can also be found on ebay. ; u; I'd love some Hetalia, Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler, Soul Eater and Dragon Ball Z stuff! That and stuff from anime like Yu Yu Hakusho, Rurouni Kenshin, Yu-gi-oh, and Trigun would be pretty awesome too...oh and you can never get enough of Pokemon stuff.

4. Stuff for my kitties! I absolutely love getting things for my cats and spoiling them to death haha, so I'm pretty sure they would love something too! My cats are those rare types of cats who will actually play with toys, so any types of toys would be great! Esmeralda really loves the catnip filled toys. Um, also cat treats and cans of wet food would make them pretty happy too. <3 Anything would make them happy really haha.

5. Art stuff I love getting art supplies...new pens and pencils make me so happy. Especially brush pens and inking pens!

6. Collars and tags! I'd love a new collar ]: The one I have is starting to wear out fff

7. Accessory type...stuff You know, things like arm warmers, scarves, gloves, a hat maybe. I've been looking for a nice hat to wear lately...something that works for me. I love those little hats with the ears on them. <3

8. TEA!! Tons of it, like...just the little bags of them or or....Arizona tea, the bottles of them that cost like...$1? I love those so much! My favorite is the pomegranate kind. Infact, pomegranate tea is my favorite. I also love chai tea too <3 Any type of tea would make me happy really, besides lemon tea...anything but that.

9. Stuffed animals and plushiess I love collecting stuffed animals, mostly ones of my favorite dog breeds and canines! I also like hunting down good disney plushies. xD So basically, anything cute would work. I like canines, felines...rabbits, pokemon, whatever's cute I guess. I also love getting anime plushies as well <3

10. To.. just be happy I guess? It seems as though lately I've been in the worst mood, for the last few months really. I feel like things are just getting worse and worse emotional wise and nothing seems to be lifting it. I feel like I haven't been truly happy in ages. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, I kind of wish to stop feeling so lonely. :/ I feel like I don't have anyone I can 'personally' go to when something's up or if I need company or a hug even. That feeling really gets to me every now and then...and I wish it would go away...

Basically I'm just gonna post these in separate categories based on what type of commission they are, but they're going to be in order by who's been waiting the longest. Hope that works for everyone!

Icons

 maitre_joker
 aranis


Sketch Commissions

 kadarami
 Animalous
 Sixarmedwerewolf
 Redcoatcat
 Wolfspit
 Falcon3d
 donryu
 neonr0se
 savannahhorrocks
 stephiecat
 InuAkiko
 Dipper

Badges

 Nanook123
 kcravenyote
 skyote
 toyapup
 dissy
 tartii
 kur0
 DJsammehfox
 Tristangreyfox
 Tioga
 Bierzun
 Liam-Jolson
 origamigryphon
 bambiboo3
 jreqthek9
Kain (I don't know your username, but I have your contact info!)
Zakfox ( ..same as above.)
Silver ( I have your badge done, but I need to mail it out. I: ...and find your contact info askldkg)


Busts

 cadburythealien (*)
ryanr (*)
louvelex (*)
neonslushie

Digital Commissions

Hida
Wolfspit
Kcravenyote
Blondefoxy
ryanr
dipper
Maitre_Joker


Traditional Commissions

Blondefoxy
Neopagan
wesha


Trades

Spunky
Patto
KeilidhBee
Aycee
Nanook123


Annnd that should be it, besides one person. I know I'm missing someone, but I know I have his emails saved. xD So, if you're not here, please let me know! I'll be jumping from category to category, but going in order on each one. Hopefully this list will be wiped out soon..

ins:

Hey guys, sorry for being so late with updating! I got home to AL on Wednesday, got to rest up a bit and while I was getting ready to update yesterday, apparently the harddrive on my Macbook had crashed. :/ So it's at the apple store right now and I won't get it back 3-5 days from now. Until then, I'm using my mom's really old laptop that's somewhat functional and to my surprise, actually has Paint tool Sai on it for some reason...so that's a good thing.

I'm gonna make another journal in a bit with an updated to-do list and pretty much get everything in order so I can get to work on commissions finally. Basically I want to get everything in order from most outstanding to more recent and work from oldest to newest, it's only fair to those who have been waiting the longest for their commission. However, the only conflict I have is being able to work digitally. I can probably totes get lineart done for them, but as for coloring, it would have to wait until I can get back to my PC in FL. (Except for those waiting on icons, I can color those in sai xD If it works, I hope so.) I'm way too afraid to install photoshop on my mom's super slow laptop, it was starting to get a little buggy when I tried installing firefox on it. So, I don't wanna take any chances. As for traditional commissions, those won't be a problem to do, I brought everything home with me and took a trip to the art store the other day to pick up some things I needed.

Another thing I wanted to offer for you guys who are waiting, was the option to switch from digital to traditional? You don't have to say so now, but it's kind of a heads up for when I post the updated list. Pretty much, if there's a (*) next to your username, you will have the option to switch because there are only certain types of commissions that can be switched, like busts and what not. Pretty much I wanted to make this offer because when I start taking traditional commissions, they're going to be a bit higher than my normal prices and I thought it would be a nice way to make up for the wait. I'd be able to ship these to you guys as well~

Also I just wanted some sort of excuse to do some more oil-rub and acrylic type work too. xD Not gonna lie. They're techniques I picked up from my media class and I really love working with them, so I thought I'd incorporate them into my commissions to make things more fun.

I also wanted to say that at this point I think I will just try and plow through my commissions, it looks like refunds just aren't going to be a option due to my parents. :/ Since my school loan is under their name, they're going to hold onto the money and only give it to me when I need it for school. So I'm really sorry that this wasn't able to happen, normally the loan is entitled to me and my dad co-signs it, but the loaner we usually go with changed up their policies and don't offer signature loans anymore without having to pay during school. |: So we had to switch to the parent plus loan...which has ruined me in more ways than one. Eh. (Normally I get the check to myself ;;)

So, I'm hoping once this list is organized it'll be easier for me to plow through it and I really want to get a good majority of it done before FWA, which is in March. I'd hate to go to another con with a huge backlog on my hands.

But yeah, I hope that clears some things up! Thank you all for being so patient with me for the past few months. They have been really rough for me, so many life changes and stress going on all at once. It all paid off in the end though because I managed some really good grades this semester! :D For the first time for a fall semester too. xD Normally I don't come out so well in the fall. So thank you all for being so awesome, I really appreciate it and hope to pay you all back with some nice work. For once I have a stress-free break, so I should be able to produce some nice stuff for you guys. <33

anndd I haven't forgotten about those notes xD Now that I have more time, I can finally answer them all. Sorry for keeping you all!

Yeah, all of you.

I really wanted to thank you all for all your comments and kind words on my recent vent picture! I finally got around to reading all of them and I just can't describe how much I appreciate your support there. Reading all of them really made me feel better and not so alone in situations like that. <3 Also, I wanted to thank those of you who went out of your way to come find me on aim too. I really don't know how to properly form words to express my overwhelming appreciation...I mean really, I wasn't expecting such a huge response to that at all.

Thank you all so much ; u; <33

This is my final week of the semester, so you can expect me to be more active and submitting more stuff by next week after this week of hell. I:

Hey current commissioners, read this journal if you haven't! Just in case you're seeing this journal before you've read the previous one. http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1876286/

Alright, so like I mentioned in my previous journal I've kind of run into a dead in with my money situation from buying some muchly needed art supplies and paying the recent cable/internet bill and now I don't have anything left for necessities...So I need to do a few rounds of sketch commissions to get enough money to compensate me for the rest of this month. I would call my parents and inform them of this, but they've kinda...already given me money twice this month, a third time would just make them severely angry with me. q_q; I really don't want to be yelled at right now or be accused of lying, so I feel as though I need to make the money on my own. I hope this is understandable!

I'm offering quick bust/head shot sketches for $10, and for any of my current commissioners who are waiting on something from me, this offer is extended to all of you for only $5. Payment isn't required until your sketch is complete! I want to start issuing this policy to save me from any future problems.

The sketches look like this btw. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v.....catandalex.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v.....rashsketch.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v.....oxsketches.jpg

---- ^ Old info yada yada

Also, I now have an offer for shaded sketches for $15 ($10 for current commissioners C:), they look like this

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v.....ajjasketch.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v.....antiskitty.jpg

This is the final round, since the end of the month is here and it'll be time for my parents to give me money again. xD I just need money for gas this week now, and probably a few small things from the art store. I just wanted to thank everyone who's commissioned me so far! Your offers have been a great help to me <3 I was able to have a wonderful Thanksgiving~

If you're interested, just comment to snag a slot. C: Only one character per slot please!

1)  Aries84
2)  InuAkiko
3)  The_kazbat
4)  Dipper
5)  iciewolf

..that..I haven't forgotten you guys <3

I'm just really busy right now with school, and right now it's very important that I put my work first so I can have a stress free winter break so I can get a lot of owed work done. I still have all of you guys' notes to go through, and I'm answering about two or three when I find the time to. So just letting you know, I'm not ignoring you.

Also, I want to give a heads up about some emergency sketch commissions I have to do soon. I really don't want to take on anything else right now while I have plenty that I owe already, but I've kind of run into a dead end and don't have any other choice. >: I kind of went broke when I bought some very muchly needed art supplies for class and from paying the recent cable/internet bill. I don't have anything left for necessities...like um...well, food...and gas and what have yous. So I need to open up since I can't ask my parents for more money since they've already given me money twice this month, a third time would just make them angry with me all over again. So to save myself from trouble these, I won't be accepting any payment for these until the sketches are done. I was gonna do them via Livestream, but I feel a lot more comfortable in my sketchbook right now. These are going to be $10 a pop, and I'm offering these for $5 for people who are already waiting on something from me.

I'd also like to let you guys know that all owed work will be resumed when my winter break is here, which will be December 15th-ish. ; ; I really need to focus on school right now, I kind of had a rough time in the beginning of the semester and now I'm depending on the last half of the semester to pull through so I can go onto next year.

So yeah, thank you guys for your patience <3

I'm trying to plan out my VERY last minute Luxray gijinka cosplay for a Halloween party I'm going to next weekend, and I need some fur to add to the cuffs and collar, like..long fur, also fur to make the tail. Would anyone happen to have any that they're not using or don't need anymore? xD Just thought I'd ask before I look into ordering some and have to do a rush order fff. I wouldn't mind paying a price if anyone wants to sell it for a small price..

...-screams at the inhumane amount of messages-

Hey guys, I'm finally alive again! Sorry for pulling a disappearing act on all of you. >: School time kind of keeps me away from any major internet activity. As of lately, I've only been majorly active on Twitter or on LJ, so if you want to keep up with me it's highly reccommended that you add me on those accounts if you need me for any sort of reason!

My Twitter account: http://twitter.com/AshKetchumSays

I also got a brand new LJ, so please add me here if you haven't yet!

http://stripesandteeth.livejournal.com/ <--- I do a lot of updating on any issues that come up that infringe on any art making. If you're currently waiting on a commission, it would be in your best interests to keep up with me here. I know right now a lot of my entries are about issues that held up my loan on coming through.

Also, if you really REALLY need to get a hold of me, please email me at my school email. It's ajeffers[at]c.ringling.edu

I check that email every day, so I will definitely see your email. It's a lot better than noting me here.

Now onto what's been going on as of late. Pretty much, I've been having a lot of drama going on in my life right now. School, some personal issues, and my parents again. :/ Mostly my parents though, they've been threatening me again as of late with being cut off from them again if I don't hold up to their demands or whatever. They've been putting ALOT of pressure on me, and no matter how much I tell them this, they still won't let up at all and it's caused me to fall into this..sort of depression again. I think it was around mid September where I just began to withdraw from EVERYTHING and everyone pretty much. I stopped going out as much, I stopped checking my emails, stopped checking my major sites online...skipped class, skipped out on a few assignments. It got pretty bad. All of this was mostly due to the drama I've been having with my parents, but there was also a personal issue involved as well that just made me feel like the most worthless thing ever. So I just kind of...withdrew. If that makes any sense. It's not until recently that I've been feeling better and getting back on track with everything.

I'm mostly updating to say though that my loan finally came though. q_q; There was a HUGE delay on my account. Let me show you.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v.....foreverWHY.jpg

See that? That's how my account was for an entirety of two months, which was fucking ridiculous. Normally my money is ready the 2nd week of school. :/ But because Ringling decided to have a new loan process this year, it totally screwed up everything and pretty much everyone who was waiting on money to come though. This kind of contributes to the drama I was having with my parents. Because the money wasn't coming through, I had to constantly ask them for money for supplies and things I still needed that the loan was supposed to cover. So, eventually they got sick of me asking for things all the time and got a little fed up. They began to assume I was lying to them again...and that's when shit started flying again. So now they're not speaking to me right now until they get half of the loan money that I have...which was pretty much only half of the amount shown in the link. :/

I also had a little fight with my mom about how I needed to give out refunds and I told her I needed a good chunk of what I was getting back. My mom assumed I was lying again and got really angry with me, saying how she doesn't believe that I have so many commissions that I owe people. She was pretty much just like "Oh well, that's too bad, this is OUR money, not their's!!!" and I was doing my BEST to explain to her that I really need to fix this problem and I have people that I owe money to and she just...wouldn't let up at all. I got so angry that I pretty much had this..huge fit of rage after I got off the phone and cried myself to sleep.

So, pretty much, that plan to give out refunds is going to run rather slowly now. My parents have a hold of the money now and they're only going to be giving me SO much every month. :/ So that means I can only give out a maximum of 3 to 5 refunds every month, depending on how much your commission cost. If I start now, things should be fixed in no time. My mom suggested that if this is such a problem, that I should start doing AT least one per week, which is probably the only thing I can agree with her on. So, either way, if you're waiting on something from me, you'll be getting either your art or money.

As of now, I have about $150 in my paypal that I can use on refunds. I did have $250, but I had an emergency art supply shopping spree I had to do today thanks to a new assignment my painting teacher gave us. So I'll be giving out refunds in order of priority. If you really want one, you will be higher up on the list. If you can wait, that would be amazing and there's always next month to either get your art or money back. I guess, once all the money's gone, I'll start up a new refund list.

Um, and that's about it. I have... a lot of messages to go through because I haven't been on here in literally over a month. q__q; I also have 28 notes, uhhh, so I'll be going through those when I get the chance to sit down this weekend. Right now I really have to get to work on my concept homework! Which I will be livestreaming soon, I'll update and let you guys know when it starts. If you add me on Twitter, I'll be updating there first.

Reallyyyy sorry about the lack of art. D: I don't have anything at all to upload! My next upload will be probably be this concept painting for class and then maybe...just maybe I can get a sketchdump together this weekend. It really depends on if my teachers don't assign us something crazy this weekend.. ;_;


Once again, I'm sorry about my lack of activity. ;; I just wanted to give out my contact info so you guys can get in touch with me if you really need to.

Would anyone be interested? xD;

I got this long winded email from her this morning saying how she misses doing freelance work and illustration type stuff and I decided to throw some options her way since I love her SO much, you don't even know the love I cherish for this woman. She was my first animation teacher, who taught me how to animate and was the first teacher I ever had to keep me motivated just so I wouldn't let her down. That's pretty big for me, most teachers I just kinda...get by with haha.

Right now I'm trying to see if she would be ok with setting up an account here, but for now she probably has a blog I don't know about or something. xD; Honestly I haven't seen her "personal" work, she's never showed it to us before but, she is a professional artist. She's worked for a variety of companies, including Warner Bros. and Disney. She worked on COOL MOVIES like Mulan, Brother Bear, and probably loads more and then I do know she did some work on the Animaniacs, Darkwing Duck, Tiny Toons and all of those really old cool cartoons that I MISS SO MUCH. I also know she was a clean up artist for a majority of the late 90's Disney movies too. That and to top it off, her husband is Ron Zeitler. I don't know if you know who this is, I do because I'm a huge animation fag, but I pretty much secretly worship this guy and bow to him whenever he comes within my presence. I THROW MYSELF AT HIS FEET. Yes, and whenever I get the chance, I become the world's biggest ass kissing creeper. Yes, I admit it!!

Funny story about that, one time I was working in class my freshman year when I had Tammy. Her husband comes in, he looks like this...idk, random BUM on the street and he's got their kid with them and everything. Me and my friend Ryan were just sitting there making some caddy remarks because this guy's just...walking around giving people pointers and he comes to me all like oh wow you've got some nice loose work there, I LIKE IT. I was just like "Oh wow thank you n_n" and Ryan was just sitting there all like " ok who the fuck was that " and I'm just like " I think that's her husband..."

SO LATER we all look at the model sheets that were due the other day and Tammy goes, yeah me and Ron looked all of these and he's really impressed by some of them!! He really liked yours Ashley!!

and I was just like oh that's so cool!! N_N WOWIE. She went in depth about it and everything and I'm just having some spaztic fit or something. I DUNNO BUT.

LATER I CAME TO REALIZE WHO HER HUSBAND WAS AND I JUST KIND OF DIED. LIKE SERIOUSLY. WHEN I FOUND OUT WHO HE WAS I JUST


JUST

I trembled every time they came near me or even spoke to me, like trembling that "oh my GODJHVFSD" way.

Ron Zeitler..............is

I

Okay I sound like a huge faggot right now, I'm so sorry but my major weakness is getting like...crits, feedback, WHETHER IT BE GOOD OR BAD, from professional artists and people with...EXPERIENCE. IT'S EVEN MORE AWESOME WHEN IT'S GOOD FEEDBACK. LIKE LEGITIMATE PRAISE. Normally I really just want them to tear me apart because I want to get BETTER but when it's the opposite it's just like "whoa ok" especially when you're expecting to hear the worse.

ok

back to Ron

RON ZEITLER was some really cool assistant animator for like, COOL STUFF LIKE The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Pocahontas, Mulan, Lilo and Stitch, and just hgsdg I THINK ALMOST EVERYTHING because in the animation department they have posters up of all the movies all the alumni from there worked on and on allllll of the animated disney movies you see....his name.

IT'S THERE

ON ALL OF THEM.

KHGSDGSD?

Ok calming down. THIS IS KIND OF GAY OF ME TO SPILL MY HEART OUT LIKE THAT. But I just wanted to express to you that if you commission my teacher, it will be coming from someone who's well experienced and it WILL be pretty damn good. I MIGHT EVEN COMMISSION HER OKAY? Whenever I have...money to BUT STILL. I probably will...

So if anyone's interested, could you let me know? All you have to do is comment. I'm helping her out right now with options and I'm pretty sure her prices will be very fair since she just wants to do this for fun and practice.

ok cool. I have... a lot of homework to do. I got into Visual Development!! ....and now I have 100 silhouettes to do and 50 "doodles" to do by Wednesday. YEAH.

So, first I want to thank everyone for their comments on my last journal! It really meant a lot, I'm sorry I didn't get to reply to everyone's comments. D: But I definitely read them all! That includes the notes I got as well, thank you all so much. ;;

Lately everything's been okay and I've been feeling a whole lot better! Classes started and I'm enjoying my major classes, but I'm still in the process of trying to start my minor and I'm waiting on the "ok" from the head of the animation department. Whenever that goes through I'll be all set.

I spoke with my Financial Aid adviser on Monday about getting the money back from my loans and he told me that students can't get checks until the Drop/Add week is over, which is this week. He also told me that since I was a little late with applying for a loan, my check probably won't be here until the week after next week. He's not sure, but I'll keep checking back with him! So for those of you who are waiting for a refund, I'm afraid it's gonna be an extra bit of waiting time, but hopefully it'll only be a few days. He said something like September 3rd or a bit later, but nothing too late! Which I hope, I really need the money myself so I can finally get furniture for my apartment and start paying rent and other...stuff I need. xD; Like art supplies. Gah.

Also, things are starting to be okay with my parents again. Well, at least with my mom. I don't know how my dad is right now, but I spoke with my mom a few times last week, one of them being one of our long 1 to 2 hour talks haha. She then gave me a bit of money for school so I can at least have stuff for the beginning of classes. I don't think she's too mad with me anymore, now that she sees I'm trying to attempt to make sure I tell her about every little thing that's going on and that I want my bank account linked to her's...so you know, she can see what I'm doing with her money. xD; So I think things are good with us again I hope, I just need to be more open with her I suppose.

I'm also really sorry about the lack of art! I just realized it's been a month since I've posted anything. The little scenario I had with my parents really killed me there for a bit, but now that classes have started and I'm feeling better, there should be some art coming in soon. C: Luckily the majority of my classes are studio classes, so I do most of the work in class. xD; So I should still have a little bit of free time to work on other art. I know I definitely will when I get all of my supplies, the stuff I have to get for class is so amazing. I get to get a huge variety of markers, ink/brush pens, gouache, and well...pretty much a little bit of every medium you can imagine to work in. It's going to be expensive though. q_q; Ah.

Oh well, I just wanted to post an update to let you all know I'm not...dead.

Guess I'll start with the good news, since there isn't much of it.

GOOD NEWS! I uh, well, my loans I apply for school every year successfully went through. I'm confirmed for yet another wonderful year at Ringling. I added in the money for those refunds as well, so that has been secured. However, it's been split in half, so only half of the refund money is going to be handed to me for this semester, I won't get the rest until December. So for those of you who really don't want a refund, please inform me so I can make a list. Then I guess, for those of you who really do want a refund, note me as well so I can get a list of those people.

That's all.

BAD NEWS. This is a bit of a rant, so be warned. I really need to get this out of my system...so it's going to be a tad long. If you read this...you are truly amazing. ( The real news is mostly towards the bottom if you want to skip...this is very tl;dr)

So um, I've been away for a while. I should really announce these things hah. Pretty much, my mother wanted me to come home for a bit. I had a doctor's appointment I needed to go to, my car needed some service done to it, and my mom threw a hissy fit about my hair and made me get it redone. ( I was pretty okay with it, my hair is always a curly mess, but she found it revolting.) It was in my plans to just come home for the weekend, but the people my dad found to fix my car were very...well...unreliable. There were a lot of fake promises about my car coming out of the shop earlier that week, and it wasn't ready until Friday. So yes, I was at home for the entire week. That's not so bad right? My little trip home started out pretty okay, the only thing I was a little peeved about was that the money I made from Megaplex had to be used to get home and to get some pre-service done to my car before I took off.

I wasn't worried at first, because I had told my mom I was gonna use that money for AFO, and she said she would reimburse me for the rest of the month. Luckily I didn't use all of it though, however...I was forced to along the way because the money my mom deposited for gas didn't come through that day. I almost didn't have enough to make it home, but fortunately I made it just in time.

Alright, so somewhere in between the time I got home and by the time I left, my mom kind of went a little batshit. I don't know what got her so worked up, but now my parents are holding me against my will. It's really weird, because uh, we didn't have many problems while I was there. She had her little rant sessions with me every now and then (Mostly about how she keeps wasting money and my actual mother. Yes, she still supports my mom....who is 46.), but those are normal. We did have a little bitchfit about how she thinks I'm lying to her about what I do with the money she gives me, and I got a little peeved about how she kept using the term "People like you" and "people like you who don't care if you lie" ...followed by "People like you who don't have remorse or any sort of self conscience".

Um, that really upset me. I don't think I can begin to express how hard it was for me to just sit there and take that with my mouth shut tight. I just took her bitching, nodded, and went back to my business. I just assumed it was normal, my mom does suffer from high blood pressure..so sometimes I just take the things she says with a grain of salt. Mostly because my parents (Who are actually my grandparents...they adopted me, so they're legally my parents who I call mom and dad.) are very old fashioned, highly prejudice and still think as though they're still living in the 1960's or some shit like that. Oh, and they're highly religious, you know, the typical bible thumping HI WE'RE OLD AND LIVE IN ALABAMA AND GO TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY. IF YOU DON'T WE HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOU. That doesn't even begin to cover it.

Let me tell you a bit about me and my parents before I go on, maybe you'll see where I'm coming from. You see, I'm pretty agnostic, mostly an athiest, but everything about religion is up in the clouds for me right now. I'll leave it at that. When I told my parents that, they began to slowly treat like some sort of reject. Or if you really wanna get emo up in here, treating me like the little mistake I am. Mostly my dad though, he used to treat me like the best thing in the world until I told him that. It's like he gave up on me and only continued to support me since I was just like...what, 15 at the time? Well his true feelings are starting to show now I guess. Idk, he doesn't seem to care much at all anymore. My mother however, was in this constant state of denial about me being agnostic. She about had a heart attack or something, she put me in therapy for it and everything. IT WAS A CRAZY POINT IN TIME FOR ME. However, she soon realized she'd never be able to change me back to what I used to be when I was like 10 or something, so now they see me as this ridiculous non-believing devil spawn or something lame like that.

So I believe you get the point now, they're those types of religious people. Now don't get me wrong, I'm pretty accepting of people with different views, beliefs and religions. I believe I can safely say that I'm pretty easy going with those sorts of topics and what have yous. It's just...when you start shoving it down my throat, that's when I get angry. My parents like to do this a lot, they start stepping all over my toes about Christianity and why I'm a horrible person because I don't believe in the things they do and why THEIR VIEWS ARE THE ONLY RIGHT VIEWS!!!! You know, they've got that really huge "Holier Than Thou" complex. It's very hard to get your point of view to through them, and that goes with anything. "Oh sorry, but your opinions are silly and invalid, only our opinions matter because we're old and have had experience!! You are still young, so everything you say is wrong and stupid."

I'm not trying to put my parents down, because I really do appreciate what they do for me and everything they have done for me. But that's just it...I only have respect for them because they're my parents. When it comes to them as individuals...all the respect I had for them has been lost. Why? Because I just...idk, the way they constantly put down things is really disgusting.

Like for instance, when me and my mom have talks about my general image, I'll tell her "But you're the only one who thinks my hair is horrible." Or "You're the only one who thinks I'm super fat" and stuff like that. You know how she responds? "That's because the people who tell you that don't give a shit about you! You should start listening to the people who care, like me!!!" While I can see where she's coming from, and sometimes I do agree with her due to my own insecurities, it's just really ridiculous to hear that. I get a lot of compliments about my hair, even when it's not in it's best condition. I'm usually pretty happy with it. However, when I was at home she said something along the lines of "See, you're down there in Florida with a bunch of freaks, they don't know what they're talking about." That just...really pissed me off, those "freaks" are my friends, sometimes my mom just doesn't know what she's saying sometimes.

So yeah, a lot of that kind of bickering happened while I was at home. :/ I kept to myself and tried not to argue, which was for the better. I left home, my mom gave me money for the month which I was pretty happy with, however I came to realize it wasn't enough when I found that I had to use half of it for gas to get back to Florida since gas prices sky-rocketed over the past few days. Also I was still going to AFO, I had already planned to split the room cost with Mur and I wasn't about to back out of that at the last minute all like OOPS NEVERMIND.

Since my mom bitched at me a little about money before I left, she thought she got through to me that I shouldn't go to AFO or something. Well she technically did since I didn't pay for admission or anything at AFO, just for the room. She uh, well, called me on Saturday to see if I made it back okay. I told her I was in Orlando and she just kinda...blew up on me. :/ She thought I lied to her and she started up again with the whole "PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!!" thing and I finally got angry and just said "What do you mean people like me??" and she was all like "STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT!!" and I'm just thinking " Geez you're the one who said it."

So yeah, uh, she pretty much yelled at me and guilt tripped me, saying that since I'm some horrible "non-believer" she assumes that I lie to her about what I do with her money and now she doesn't have any because she spent all her money on me.

Um.

Did I forget to mention that when I was at home they were getting the entire kitchen remodeled? Also, she was the one who flipped out and wanted me to get my hair done. All I came home for was to go to the doctor, get my car checked on (Which my dad paid for), and uh..that's about it. She also pays on my loans and my rent every month, but that's apart of the usual bills she pays every month. She just counted that in to add on to the guilt. :/ She's also STILL trying to support my actual mother, who has a job to support herself and my sister and pretty much everything else. She doesn't have to do it, but she chooses to. (For what reasons I don't know..)

So I got really upset after that phone call, like I just legitimately broke down. All of that anger that swelled up inside me converted into utter rage. Mostly because my mom just...wouldn't listen to me at all. She never does, she just assumes the worst without listening to my side of the story. She told me she didn't have any money left, so she wouldn't be able to give me any more until she had more. I was okay with this, I'm pretty good to holding on to money when I have to. So I cried like a pussy for a while, mostly from all of that rage that built up inside me and eh, well, after that kind of yelling it leaves me feeling pretty worthless. Like uh, I kind of wanted to die. Really. Being yelled at is something I can not handle.

I eventually stopped crying like a little fag, and decided to hang out with some people and my friends that were at AFO to cheer me up a bit. It helped a lot too, and soon I felt 100% better. It was so great I decided to hang out with them again on Sunday and such, you know, just trying to be positive and such. I went home that following evening and everything was PRETTY GREAT.

Well the next day I got this....angry phone call from my actual mother. I was pretty surprised to see her name pop up on my phone, normally her phone calls are pleasing to get. HEY MY ACTUAL MOM IS CALLING ME, YOU DO CARE!!! HEYYY--- "..."

Oh my god I don't even know how to explain the sheer...anger that was coming from my phone. I put it on speaker phone just so I could let Mur in on what's happening. My actual mom is not pretty when she's angry...which is why I wonder if we're related sometimes, I did not inherit her aggressive nature. I can get angry...but my anger just turns into pussy tears.

Anyways, she was telling me that she was just "relaying a message from momma" that I'm being completely cut off from them. She says that she's been spending too much money on me and that she finds that it's not fair I take my money that I make and do whatever the fuck I want with it. She also thinks I lied to her about summer classes and that I pissed the summer away on her money. She told me not to even think about calling, because they're not going to pick up the phone.

After that she decided to lecture me on how much her life sucked when my parents did that to her and HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS, SUCKS TO BE YOU HUH????

Thing is...the difference between me and my actual mom, when she was my age she dropped out of college. n_n; She was on drugs, a big sex addict, and was also addicted to smoking. PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING HORRIBLE. She apparently unfortunately got knocked up with me at that time. (That's where the mistake thing comes in, I still wonder how I came out okay.) My parents gave her multiple chances, they gave her money too!! But she just wasted it on DRUGS AND STUFF. So that's why they cut her off!!! She had to spend a lot of her time on the streets because she was too addicted to drugs and when she finally got enough of that..that's when she had to give in and go back home. She was put in rehab and NOW SHE'S SOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER. So my parents are "supporting" her until she's back on her feet. She's doing pretty well now. :/ She has a job, a car...her on house, she's supporting herself AND my sister. She looks to well...our mother, to pay her smaller stuff like insurance shit, car payments and other stuff I probably don't know about.

So I'm just sitting here thinking to myself...god damnit, if anyone has to be cut off, why not you? YOU ARE 46, WHAT IS THIS. She had her chance, but she blew it. (I mean really..what makes more sense? Supporting your daughter who's still in college who's trying to make something of herself or supporting the 46 year old who's pretty much supporting her own self with her job and everything else she could ever need.)

That's really horrible of me think like that, but seriously. I got really upset about that phone call, but later realized she was only angry because since my mom gave me her money, now she doesn't have any money to give her!! OH BOOHOO.

But yeah, she just..ranted and ranted at me, she began to even pull Mur into all of this, saying that our parents aren't like Mur's!! THEY'RE FROM NEW YORK N_N THAT MEANS THEY'RE RICH AND CAN AFFORD STUFF. WE CAN NOT, EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW, HAHA, WE DO MAKE 100K A YEAR WHICH IS A LOT HIGHER THAN HER PARENTS' SALARY. BUT WHO CARES, THEY'RE STILL RICH BECAUSE THEY'RE FROM NEW YORK. THAT

TOTALLY

MAKES

A LOT

OF

FUCKING

SENSE!!!! YEAH!!!!!!

The only difference between mine and Mur's parents is that his parents work. MINE DO NOT. They're retired and expect that their retirement checks are enough to cover everything!!!!

Ok I'm starting to lose my cool, but when my parents start pulling that out of their asses, that just begins to show how ignorant they can be. Do you see what I'm saying?? I hope so.

So Mur heard that, and he got all angry and outraged. I did too...and I just..I kind of hung up on my actual mom because she was starting to go completely batshit and she was being biased anyways. My parents cutting me off is not only not fair to me, but also unfair to Mur. :/ We split the rent cost in half and both of our parents signed the lease agreeing to paying the rent every month. Them cutting me off is also them not paying the rent...so...there's a little problem here. Also, I still needed supplies for classes this semester..and..well, pretty much they were going to provide the money for my living expenses. I didn't include that in the loans because they said not to...

So my mom just suddenly doing this out of the blue really upset me, and well, I kind of broke down again the other day. Especially with the whole "We're not even going to pick up the phone if you call!!!" thing. It's like they're sticking their noses up in the air until I give in to their wishes. Their wishes being, wanting me to quit college and come home. They think me going to college here is a huge waste of money and time. They can't do anything about this year since it's been paid for, but they're seriously considering pulling me out of college for next year. q___q;; So they're just going to cut off everything until that time comes...I guess. I honestly think that my mom's just over-reacting, but I dunno...

I talked to my aunt and she spoke with my mom(s), she told me that I should just write to her since she won't listen to me over the phone. I'm going to do this, because at least I can get down my point of view on paper, so she can read it and maybe understand me for once.

You see, none of this would be a problem if it were possible to get a job and go to Ringling at the same time, but I'm afraid this is a problem and very impossible to do (Just ask anyone who went/goes to Ringling.). My parents don't realize this, they think Ringling is a huge pushover since it's an art school. :/ They're very much in the wrong and it's hard explaining this to them, I even had to get a teacher to talk to them about it. It's really hard for me, because this semester I will be having 4 studio classes, and on top of that, starting a minor and I will probably be in charge of a club this year. So a job is out of the question, and the only thing I could probably manage would be commissions..which I really didn't want to do during the school year, it's very hard getting to them.

So I'm pretty much at a loss right now, I've been feeling a lot better with the help of about everything and trying to stay positive, and I'm going to give this letter thing a go and see what happens with my parents. However, I feel as though I should suck it up and expect the worst. I just hate knowing I may have to take out another loan. q_q; Loans are not cool.

Meh, sorry this is so long, normally I keep rants to myself..but I figured this may be something that's going to affect the out come of art or something of the like...

Eh, so I thought I'd make a journal concerning my current art status and my current worries for getting everything done on time. First I'd like to apologize for all the delays, I know I've been taking forever and I sincerely apologize. The guilt's starting to really get to me. I kind of had this random breakdown of sorts about my huge list at AC and how I felt like it was never going to get done. So ever since then, I've been contemplating doing refunds for everyone, and hoping it's the right thing to do. I know it's a bit of a let down for those of you who have been waiting, but I feel as though it would be better in the long run that I do this.

My reason for this is the fact that I'm starting to feel a tad burned out from well..doing the same subject matter over and over again. At this point in my aspiring career as an artist, I'm really craving the need to branch out and well...do more things. I would really like to take advantage of my schooling and get the best out of it while I'm still capable of doing so. However, I feel as though my never-ending list of commissions is starting to hinder my progression with this, and I feel as though I'm starting to regress a lot. I've been feeling this way for the longest time, and I really feel like it's time for me to step my foot down on things and take care of this situation before I start school again in a month. So you know, I won't go in the same cycle again and find out that by the time it's summer again my art still hasn't changed much at all.

I would also like to not go into classes this year with commissions still on my plate and when clients come to me asking about an update, all I can say is "Sorry, I don't have any time, I have art for classes to do." I feel as though it's pretty ridiculous to have commissions when you don't have the time for them, and it's not fair for a client to wait months on end for me to have some break from classes to finally get their commission, or in some circumstances, have to wait until I'm officially done with college for the year. I really, really hate it. Especially since after classes, I already feel overworked from my assignments in the first place and actually need that break to re-cooperate for the next semester or final week of classes or whatever.

So pretty much, I would really, really favor a huge break from commissions at this point. So that maybe when I decide to do commissions again, I won't be feeling so burned out and I can do them more quickly. Because honestly, before I came to college, I easily finished a huge list of commissions. It never took me months, or an entire year to complete someone's request. I could easily sit down, and actually be eager to finish a huge batch. I haven't felt that way in ages, and now when I have a batch to do I silently grump to myself. I really hate feeling that way, because art like this used to be fun for me...now it feels like a chore, so I would really like to fix this before I get completely bummed out. I can't began to explain my insecurities I've had lately about the direction my art's been going in as of late. It's been seriously tearing me apart lately, to the point where I woke up in the middle of sleeping tonight just to write this.

I'm just really hoping that this won't turn into a huge deal or anything, and hope it's the right thing to do. I mean, idk, the pressure from having people wait is really starting to get to me. I feel like I can't touch down on any personal art of my own...like, idk, like it's forbidden to do it or people will get angry with me. The kidding part about it, it's been so long that I've done any art for myself that when I do sit down and try to attempt to do it I blank out and have no idea what to draw at all, and when I do it's just page barf or crap that I hate. That and my characters that I was deeply attached to are starting to collect dust and it's kind of well, heartbreaking you know? I feel pathetic for saying that, but it's true.

This is starting to turn into a novel, but basically I would really like the time to regather myself, completely revamp the way I do commissions for the future so I won't find myself being overwhelmed again and so it won't feel so unprofessional...that and to just, do my own thing for a while. Find new ways to get some inspiration flowing, pick up on some new skills, and find some way to get my improvement rate going again because I feel as though it's come to a complete halt. Until then, I probably won't be taking any commissions until classes are out or if I decide do artists' alley at conventions. That, or even until next year. If anything, if I do decide to do a commission it will be a slot that's auctioned off. If anything, it will be a good while from now. (I hope.)

So here's the deal, I'm going to start going in random order on my current list of commissions. I find that doing them in random order is actually working, and I'm getting things done instead of feeling burned out and not doing anything. I'm really sorry, but if I keep going at the rate that I am, I will never get much done. For me personally, I really like to switch up and do something different each time I draw. Like, hey okay, I did a badge yesterday, let's do a big digital commission today, then when I'm done I'll do a bust. Something like that, and it works for me.

I'm going to try and knock off as many commissions as I can, and for those of you whose commissions I do not finish by the beginning of September will be getting a refund. I say this because I start classes at the end of August, but it won't be until the beginning of September that I get my additional college funds for other things I need outside of school. I plan on organizing and splitting up that money for various things I need and to spare some of it for refunds.

Hopefully this is alright with everyone, and if you have any problems with my consent on this, please feel free to note me with any concerns. For those of you who got something from me at a convention, most likely I will be getting yours done since the transactions were made in person, and since I've already done most of the work on all of them anyways (Sketched, inked, partially colored, etc). Might as well finish them up. I: Everyone else, I'll try to see what I can knock out of the way, but if it's not done by the beginning of September, I will gladly refund you. That goes for anyone who's commissioned me elsewhere as well (DA, LJ, etc.)

At this time I would really like to thank those of you who have been really patient with me, I can't begin to express my gratitude for those of you who have been silently waiting. You guys are some of the best clients I've ever had and it makes me pretty upset that I might have to give the majority of you refunds. Not only is it a huge let down for you, but it makes me feel pretty disappointed with myself as well. I would offer that you can wait if you'd like to, but I honestly feel better if I just gave you all refunds instead of making you wait forever. Some of you may be up for that, but on my end it still makes me feel really guilty to make people wait. So, I just really feel as though this is for the best...

Megaplex Meme Questions:

Where are you coming from?
Sarasota I:

What day are you getting there?
Thursdayyy

What days are you going to be at the con?
All of them as of now, I may take off on Sunday to go binge on anime stuff at Metrocon..

What are your favorite places to lurk at the con?
Uh..gee, idk. I've never been to megaplex before so I don't knowwww

Who will you be staying with?
Crash, Yami, Gillan and..er, everyone else who's staying with us.

Do you do free art?
If you hang out with me, I'm prone to just pass out free art for people I click with quickly. It's my token for saying I LIKE YOU.

Do you do trades?
Yup, always up for sketchbook trades. :>

Do you do commissions?
Yup, but idk about megaplex yet, depends on how much I can clear off my list before I leave.

Do you have prints / CDs ?
Nope

Do you do badges?
Yes I do.

Will you have Art in the Art Show?
Nope.

What is your gender?
Female

How old are you?
20

Can I talk to you?
Yes, please do.

Can I touch you?
Uh sure, hugs are fine. I don't get them very often. >:

How can I find you?
LOOK FOR THE THREE STAR DRAGONBALL. I have one hanging off my collar. ffff

Will you be dressed for the Megaplex theme?
....no. If I had Alex's get up ready by now I would totally do it because he fits the theme perfectly. SADS.

Okay I have a lot of stuff to do tonight rrrrr, off to work.

Not from me.

Ever.

I don't do it, not my sort of territory unless it's for a friend or someone dear to me.

BUT I GOT SOME HARDCORE PEOPLE HERE,  djsammehfox and  GUGGLES WHO DON'T GIVE A SHIT AND DO THIS KIND OF THING IF YOU WANT THEM TO! I wish I was that hardcore.

CHECK IT OUT, they've got this auction here that's worth looking into!!

http://www.furbuy.com/auctions/1018013.html

You should take advantage of this. Do it.

Just helping some cool kids out, some cool kids I hope to see at megaplex this weekend. >:|