I've been wracking my brain, thinking of a new sona, but nothing comes to mind. :\ The meaning of the new one has more weight to it, but for the life of me, I cannot figure anything out.

Just a heads up if anyone's gonna be there. I'll be suiting, helping a friend by co-hosting a panel, shopping, and helping another friend with their table.

So keep an eye out for this ol' bat if you'll be there!

Which I know sounds odd, since I have that "SFW" label, but the reason I'm doing that, is because I have a couple friends who are exceptionally talented artists, and I got commissions or YCHs to support them, and get some art of my boyo.

SO. I figure, heck with it, let's just toss it up. Why not.

The two in question are  DarkNurse and  pancakebunny

They're super cool people, kind, and have talent and skill both. You should support them, too!

Last night, three hunting coyotes managed to get through into our backyard and snatched my little dog from me after his late night potty trip in the backyard. I managed to fight them off, but he sustained some serious damage. He's still currently in critical condition, resting in heavy bandages in an oxygen tent, with fluids and medications to keep him as stable as possible, hydrated, clean, and breathing okay.

He has several broken ribs, a tweaked spine (which COULD be worse, but at the moment it looks like it's settling back), heavy blood loss from severe bite trauma, and bruised lungs. We're very lucky that the lungs didn't get punctured.

https://www.gofundme.com/help-pay-f....._co_campmgmt_w

I'm not expecting anything, but the costs are VERY high. 6,500 minimum, with 14,800 at the top end. We've currently discussed costs with them and pulled some extra unnecessary costs off the bill unless such treatments are absolutely needed. Which currently bring the estimate to roughly 8,700.

Please, please, PLEASE. If you can donate, I would forever grateful. And if not, I would very much appreciate a share.

First things first: It's been FOREVER since any journal or upload here. I've been vaguely maintaining my Youtube channel, despite it mostly being "update" videos and random talking with my suit head on. I'm trying to crack down on my Furs and Fiends project, but ironically managing a DnD game for my younger cousins has been an easier task. :O I'll probably have a video about fursonas with Nova soon as well, which we are hoping to record regardless of the status of Furs and Fiends. It should be easy, so fingers crossed!

I also had a new idea for my channel, which will focus on voiceovers. I WILL be needing to find an artist or artists to bring on as a once-in-a-while partner, though. So if by any chance any of you are interested in talking about this, please let me know! At the moment, I'm focusing on the idea of comic voice-overs in little one-shot pages, or mini stories at most.

Aaaaand, onto my second topic, which is Conventions!

Firstly, I'll be at Anime Expo in about a week. I'll be (if cosplay finishes in time) Vlad from Hellsing, Reaper (Wight) from Overwatch, Tokoyami (bird boi) from My Hero Academia, and my Asriel fursuit partial. <3 That's about it, really! Not much to say besides Nori will be out here and we'll be around the con.

Denfur. I'll (probably) be at Denfur in August! I say probably because I'm a couple states away, so the plan is to definitely be there, but it hinges on transportation. So keep an eye out and say hello if you're there! I'm generally quiet, but I would be more than happy to get to meet you. :3

This is possibly going to be a topic for a video, is addressing a couple specifics of fandom/community toxicity. One example being an artist that I, and many others, have commissioned. I'm one of those people that will quietly support you if I follow you. I might not comment on everything, but I support you and will gladly share your name. I bought a couple commissions from them, and loved to tell people about the fantastic quality and unique style. - Mind you, being a quiet guy, this wasn't a loud thing. It'd be someone maybe once every three to five months saying "that's a cool avatar" or "that's cool art!", and I'd say "Thanks! ***** drew it up. They're amazing if you ever want to get a commission!"

And that'd be all. Maybe adding *name omitted* to a "favorite artists" list or something, but again. That's all.

We barely spoke, besides me dropping a "that looks awesome!" or a like/fave once in a while to give a little support without being annoying. But today I found out that I was randomly blocked on Twitter. Apparently (according to my friend who was NOT blocked, yet was the recipient of a gift commish I hired them for) a bunch of other people had their comments either hidden or removed, and (theoretically) blocked.

Normally, I'm all about just quietly stepping away. If a bratty jerk wants to block you or cause drama, then just back away and ignore them. I've had to do that before in regards to idiots pestering friends (to prevent spillover drama) and once with a jerkbag mutual. But this one really upset me. I rarely left a comment, liked/faved once in a while, and we didn't message beyond commissions - which I was (as always) incredibly patient and relinquishing total control for. As an artist myself, and a (try to be) humble person, I always tell the artists that they have total freedom, unless there's any specifics they want to know, in which case I'll cooperate and give them my thoughts. But I always tell them that in the end, I want them to have fun making the art, so above even my own, I want THEM to enjoy making the art for me.

So I get that sometimes life can be a pain. BELIEVE me, as someone who has an extensive history with two mental afflictions that I do my best to keep under wraps and controlled, I get it.

But don't take it out on your loyal fans/friends who have done nothing but humbly and respectfully support you.

Obviously there's no name dropping, because again, I have the respect to not sink to that level. But it's a horrible attribute to decide to suddenly push on yourself and bear to the world.

Hey everyone! Alrighty, so my projects are going fairly well. I just got off of a week long overnight schedule (8pm to 6am...fun!), and things are looking pretty progressive for my plans. I started paying off my car, so I celebrated by slapping a couple fandom stickers on (The Horde and Klingon Empire), as well as a couple furry stickers. (a blue and white canid paw and "bat inside").

In terms of my projects, one in particular is looking pretty good. With any luck, I might be able to bring it to a table at either next year's Califur, or even BLFC - which I sadly had to miss this year.

If you'd like, please check out my YouTube channel I made for fur-stuff: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX.....d9DmhOsSFXoUZg

I'm also considering doing travel vlogs for that channel. It'd mostly be just me and my pooch traveling (primarily camping) around the general western states, though I'd LOVE to go back to the South again. Louisiana and NC were amazing. I have Texas family I'm very close with, so maybe I can do a travel vlog with Texas as the endgame. Hit fur meets and stuff along the way, too.

Anyhoo, let me know any positive thoughts or suggestions! Reception has been very kind and positive so far, so I'd be thrilled to take this sort of entertainment and roll with it.

So my main focus projects I'm working on are actually going pretty well whenever I have the chance to work on them.

Which is pretty nice. I feel like the flow and focus is pretty good when I get down to business. Even when it's only a little bit of progress made.

But whyyyyyy are my Undertale and fursona art stuck at a standstill? D:

I need to figure out how to draw bodies. Ble. I want to at least get the fursona one I'm trying to get started done. It's a great idea that should see light.

So, aside from my current anthro project (which is still in it's infancy, but beyond concept and planning!), I'm also working on two other projects. One being poetry, and the other being ANOTHER anthro project which I'm kind of hopeful for. If it goes well, I can have two things to bring to a table in the future at fur-cons though!

That being said, I also am struggling to start an art piece I REALLY want to do, because I have a wonderful idea, and no clue on how to approach it. :| So... we'll see how it goes in regards to that particular one. lol

Anyway, good stuff is happening in terms of my work! Now let's let life start being nice. Among other things, I'm quite ill right now. But at least I finished a neat Valentine for my best favorite person ever. <3

So, I've begun my new project!

It was supposed to be just a quick, maybe ten minutes of notes and introduction tonight.

I ended up spending over an hour and a sizeable chunk of pages instead.

But I'm happy! I really like it so far. I'm excited to get this rolling and see what people think.

Hooooopefully I can finish it by RMFC 2017, but we'll see.

Claws crossed!

I literally woke up in the middle of the wee hours of the morning last night with a jumble of ideas for my erased project I'm trying to resurrect.

Good ideas!

Hopefully it'll be well on its way soon!

I'm going to be working on my Muffet drawing soon. I gotta just jump on it and finish that thing. It's been sitting unfinished for too long, and my biggest concern was figuring out what to do with the face, but I'll work something out. Seems like most artists who draw her kind of work out their own thing for her chin/face, so shouldn't be too hard. I'll just let something come to me!

Then I'm planning on drawing my Elf Ranger from DnD, and probably my best friend's Elf as well.


Now, on to the community.

I've been noticing something rather irritating, even though I know it's been going on for YEARS. And in far more than just he furry community. I've been doing my best to make friends. I always try to put others first, be kind and compliment them. But it's curious. And a reason why I'm going to conduct a sort of social study.

The EXACT same people I talk to through certain social platforms, may respond once, maybe not at all, or (if FB or something) offer a single like, and that's that. Yet curiously, when, say, another person talks at all, these same people add that person on every possible platform, and drop comments without prompting.

So why? I have GOD AWFUL self-esteem, and really don't like myself, so I try to conduct myself with the utmost humility towards others. I try to put everyone else first as much as possible. So what are the factors as to why, from what I've seen via three sites in casual observance, when myself and another talk the same amount and in the same way, do they attach to them and shy away from me?

Be a female, NSFW as Hell, and/or hurl free stuff at people. Those three factors in any combination are my current theory.
I've always prided myself on not needing to make friends, because I'd rather have a few friends I can trust, than have many who I can't. But at the same time, people leave. People always leave. And now I realize that maybe the trouble isn't making friends. It's the people. I've seen a few artists I follow leave this community because of their outlook on "how the community changed", even though I'm confident they just started to pull that plastic coating off, to be honest.
Well, it's either that, or I'm just a bad person.

Because I like a lot lot lot of the people in this community, but... I dunno. I guess nobody likes me. Thanks to all, what, three of you out of the thousands and thousands and millions (probably) of people out there in the furry community, thanks to you three who actually friended me, let alone even bother to talk to me.

This is going to be a short journal.

I will be trying to get more drawing up soon, and also maybe some writing?

As per the title, I'll be making a duct tape dummy of myself come Thanksgiving, and then it'll only be a bit before I have my Calun fursuit! :D

Gotta make this quick, but my computer is back.

So hopefully I can get working on stuff again.

But I did indeed lost all my work from before, so the rebuilding will be very, very slow.

The month has been really, really bad so far between work and personal issues, and I really just want it to be over. Hopefully I can finish my Muffet drawing in November. That would be cool.

Anyway, I'm trying to get stuff back on track, so here's hoping.

Well. My computer guy transferred almost all my data to a new hard drive. So I have 'my computer' back.

But now? I just don't know what to do.

Everything is different since it's basically a new machine. Normally that'd be fine.

Except the ONE folder I needed to be saved is lost. The folder with ALL of my writing in it. ALL OF IT. That's all of what I strive for as a career. It had my big anthro project I'd been busting my butt on. I had details for a world, not just a city or country. A world. Characters, settings, social practices, geography and scale, ecosystems and science...

Not to mention the beginning of a poetry book I was hoping to release.

And all of it is now gone.

And on top of that I can't even open World of Warcraft anymore for some unknown reason (ERROR #108 (0x8510006c)).

So the one place I could easily hop into with my best friend to get away from all the crap that keeps my depression beating the shit out of me is now gone too.

So now I have nothing.

Everything I worked so hard on is gone.

My gaming outlet is gone.

It's no different than when I had no machine, except that now I don't have anything to hope for about it.

Well, it's been 33 days since my computer died, and despite some good art progress in that time, the fact that I can't work, can barely play, and even my art is hindered still has me down.

Add to that that HORRIBLE feeling of logging onto chat mediums to see everyone online and hanging out, and being the one who's not only not chatting, but having messages ignored, or just being ignored in general?

It's starting to be too much. I can't really deal with this going on for months.

So until further notice, I'm canning all artistic projects and plans.

It's bad enough being forced to be alone, but I can't even escape into fiction anymore.

See y'all later.

I'll have to keep this short, since mobile is difficult and annoying. lol

I made GREAT progress on my anthro project, but it's trapped on my hard drive, since my computer decided it doesn't want to start up anymore. So I'm getting it looked at by my family's friend/comp expert who's always always done well for us.

In the meantime, I can't work on that and another project (my two new attempts at a career option, fingers crossed), so now I've got some part time security overnighters. I'm peppering them with working more on my visual art, and playing some games of time permits via a borrowed laptop from my dad who was rather understanding about not wasting bonus exp time, as well as getting to hang out digitally with a friend.

Sadly, FA has a weird habit of turning pics sideways when uploaded via mobile. :| So if that ever happens, you know why. XD

Er. Guess that's all! I'll be more active and stuff whenever the computer thing gets resolved, but until then I'll still try! <3

Despite perpetually rocky personal crud, I'm pretty happy with a few things in the fur fandom right now that relate to me. One of which is being one of, if not the first, commission to a good friend who's getting preparations ready for a future opening of a fursuit/prop/cosplay shop. They're really, really talented and have a great eye for business and presentation. I'm really excited for them to make my head for my 'sona, Calun. :3

The second thing is that I've begun work on the first installment of an anthro project I'm working on! It's really early on in the working, but I've got one full portion finished, and that's pretty cool! Hopefully I'll have it finished within three quarters of a year to a year. BUT. Depending on consistency of work and if I can get a good illustrator to get the perfect cover art? I feel like half a year could be a realistic early expectation.

That aside, I still have two lined and inked artworks of mine that need scanning and coloring, which outta be fun! One if for myself and one is a gift I wanted to draw up for aforementioned talented buddy. <3


Thank God for this community and specific friends. I need to get away from life. Even entertainment has been painful lately. -_- Anyway! Hopefully at least some of you will be interested, and willing to support me when it's ready. If not? I understand.

You know, paper, but still. Now I can draw things without pesky lines all over the place!

Haha, things have been going a better for me (certain person(s) who are the absolute best helped me feel better), and apart from a particularly stubborn stomach annoyance lately it's been good.

Anyway! I'm going to be trying to study up approaches to drawing anthros, since the best I've got so far is that mask/headgear sketch I did a bit ago. So I'm going to watch some people and get an idea of how they approach things, and then try to crack my own way open and pour it's weird, yolky creativity all over the page.

Okay. That sounds REALLY weird, but I kind of just ran with what was coming out as I typed. And I'm not going to change it. XD

So yeah. Expect a tiny castle and tiny friend and tiny dragon somewhat soon. Because that kind of sparked the most recent initiative to draw. lol

Journal removed.

I'm done.

I couldn't sleep for some reason (long night, I guess?) and so I sat at my computer thinking over this project, and ended up coming up with some pretty rad ideas. I think I'll be able to start working on it in full very soon. :D Here's hoping!

But for now. Sleep attempt number 2. :O

So I've been consulting with one of my closest friends (who also got me into this community!) for a really cool new project that I think a lot of you will like. It's going to be a totally SFW project, and it's going to be pretty different, I think. Anyway, I'll probably need some visual depictions for some aspects, so I may upload a doodle now and again.

Also, going to be exploring more with photography, if anything appeals to me there.

Finally, I'd LIKE to work on a proper fursuit for my personal fursona. That's in the backburner at the moment, due to reallocated funds going to diving and my current cosplays. (one of which is ironically a partial fursuit).

Keep an eye out, though! I think this year may finally see some action!

I'm debating whether or not to begin writing, drawing, or possibly just leaving out both to write more professional work outside here.

Who knows!

My dad is under attack right now. We lost (and undisclosed) sum of money from our dad's account. It appears that someone either made a dupe credit card, or somehow stole the numbers and code.

At any rate, there is a total scumbag out there who has been stealing from a VERY kind and selfless man who doesn't make much as it is. (a teacher, who spends a LOT of his personal time to help students with all kinds of school programs and stuff that he doesn't have to do, and the public with historical stuff that he does because he cares about the kids, the future, and learning.).

The worst part? Fucking Disney's Partner FCU that we're a part of not only isn't helping, but they LIED to us. So the attack that was SUPPOSED to be stopped yesterday, happened again today.

We're hoping that THIS time they'll actually shut it down, but either way we just got fucked over before Christmas.

So life is pretty fucking miserable right now.

I was thinking about starting a GoFundMe to try and help get my dad some of what he lost back. As it is, I'M dirt poor, but trying to do what I can to help. I just don't even know what to do.

Just out of curiosity, is anyone out there looking to experiment with their art?
I was trying to brainstorm ideas in my head on how to get myself actually doing art or writing for this place, and I was thinking that maybe working with someone on a comic could be fun.
I dunno. Just a thought, if anyone's maybe new to drawing or something, or just feels like being fun and working with me.

Please let me know!