over hte past couple of weeks Im trying to live differently. To live a Christian in the fandom is not going to be easy and even more difficult is going to be finding a mate. I got an account on Howlr, Ferzu, and Furrymate. The problem with what im looking for some specific, A female straight Christian furry. Ok thats not asking for alot (YES IT IS). Though, im trying to avoid looking at adult art now and trying to fight off the thoughts of practicing my kinks. Im holding onto them for now so that maybe one day I can practice them with my wife after marriage.

As far as school goes this is my final week and then Christmas break. Im taking a lab next semester but only that and focusing on flight school and making some money.

As far as con plans go, Im looking at going to Anthro Crossroads East this January and possibly return to FWA! Not much more to say really. Will see what the future brings.

My mind has been troubled this past week. Iv been VERY heavy in thought. About my past and about my future. I will may be leaving some things in my life behind so that I can move forward. This will be a difficult task but I think it is necessary. This comes from the place I find myself in my life. I have always been working hard to better myself. That is to try and make my life better and live it well. However, Iv always identified myself as Christian but iv I havent put much effort into being one other than going to church and doing alittle reading. It has only been recently that my Christian beliefs have really become a weigh on my shoulder. Call it an awakening if you wish. This has greatly affect how I see myself. What iv done and where im going. Some of the changes I need to do in my life will affect my life as a furry. I AM NOT LEAVING THE FANDOM. Let me be clear about that but some change will take place. If anyone wants to talk about it im open. Just send me a note. I Could really use use some prayers as I go through this change.

~Varment

Been working on acouple 4 credits classes in college also taking flight lessons. Unfortunately though, iv been in abit of a slump since Early August. This is mostly due to turning 25 years old and doing some reflecting. Had a mental break down in september or a quarter life crisis I guess you could call it. Maybe this is what depression is. Iv been working through it as best I can. Volunteered at my local airshow. Went hiking in my local state park overnight camping.

In other news I may be attending Anthro Crossroads East in January 2019. If you havent heard htis is anew furry covention taking place in Raleigh NC. Its only its 2nd year. What better con for me than a tropical aviation them furry convention!? oh yeah the con abreviation is A.C.E. aint that clever? :D
I hope to see some familiar faces there.

Other than that I hope everyone is doing well and is ready for the holidays!

Helloe eveeryone! It has been long time well. Some developements. lets me tell ya. My psyciatrist exam went great. He declared immediately that I was normal after the exam. He said I may not have even had autism. Just some juvenile ADHD that i grew out of. He also said the FAA has never declined to have one of his patients with ADHD/ADD/Autism in thier history to undergo neuropsycological testing. Well I went had that done too. A 6 hour battery of tests to examine my skills of memory, attention, and multitasking. My scores are then compared to pilots in general aviation and in profesional aviation. Memory was my lowest score but it was average. One of the tests I scored above some professional aviators! WoohoO! anyway, almost done with this FAA stuff form y medical certificate. Just acouple more tasks. Anyway, yes. Hurricane Florence has me in its sighs. Granted im acouple hundred miles inland I know this will be sketchy. Anyway, Wish me luck in riding out this storm.

Tomorrow is the big day. I am going to see a psyciatrist in Columbia as requested by the FAA. This has been long awaited. Almost a year in the making. Gathering medical records for this guy to look over and examine me. This of course is because of that autism diagnosis on my medical records. Hopefully after this the FAA wont request any more tests for me. IF they do then it would be a battery of neuropsycological tests costing me about $2500. All this is more my 3rd class medical certificate for me to be able to fly solo. Without this I cant get a pilots license.

Hello everyone. Long time no journal. Well, (excuse warning) iv been veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery busy. Iv been going through the hardest of my associate degree classes. General chemsitry and calculas. Well, Im taking general civilizations right now. This is the last class i need before getting my assocaites degree in science. Im currently taking this class by itself so I can focus on making money to take the next step. Which might be attending Elizabeth city state university or liberty university for a bachelors degree in aviation science: profesional pilot. Speaking of piloting. Last February I went my local flight school for my first flight lesson. I was stoked. My instructor approached me. He was a 60+ year old navy pilot with over 4000+ hours logged. He asked me, "is that log book the only thing you brought?" As it turns out my flight school has a policy. I need my 3rd class medical certificate to fly with them. Normally you need it just to solo. Well my school requires you have it PERIOD. Well, after an hour of checking the rules of the holy FAR/AIM 2017 manuel. They determined im allowed 1 "introductory flight" and they will log it as 1 hour of training in the log book. Flight went well, nearly flew into the wrong airspace, got lossed, followed some roads back to the airport. HAD FUN! Well, I learned to schedule an appointment with a special doctor who would give me a basic medical exam and send hsi findings back to the FAA. Well 3 areas of concern. 1 was minor. I have 20/25 vision. He said it was fine but if i wish to fly commercial I must get is corrected. Glasses, contacts, or lasics. The 2 major concerns. My autism and my broken femur from grade school. Long story short. I was diagnosed with aspergers at the age of 5 and a year before kindergarden i broke my femur. THe femur was from a tumor inside the bone. Thinned the walls of the bone and caused it to break when i fell. It happend again on the playground at kindergarden. Bone graft and a body cast fixed it up. Good enough that today iv run 10 spartan races and 1 marathon. THe concert for the FAA was that the tumor might return. THe concern for the autism is worse. They need to know im competent enough for flying. THAT is the scary part. I was already turned down by the marines for being autistic. If im deemed unable to fly then idk what im going to do. Iv been the last 6 months gathering medical records so i can go see a psyciatrist to evaulate me for the FAA. This will cost me $1400. A normal person only has to pay the $100 for the regular medical exam. I hope to see the psyciatrist in February. It may take the FAA a month or 2 or longer to get back to me about weather I got my certificate. Time will tell.

On a lighter note. I have 4 jobs now. 3 are seasonal. Parking attendant for a Speedway and 2 music venues run by live nation. One is event staff for a local university. THe newest is YOUR GONNA LOVE THIS. Im a chick-fil-a cow! Iv been on the news twice by working special events <3 Got the job through my church pastor. Last summer I was promoted as supervisor at the music pavilion. My Job include not only organizing and directing the parking lot operations but also security at our 2nd venue in downtown charlotte. Never a dull moment that is for sure.

Despite all this iv made time for some adventures over the past 10 months. Some of the pictures I will posting will show them. I hope you all enjoy and for those watchers that have stuck with me all this time. Thank you very much. Love ya!

Hi all you messy fuzzies! Tomorrow is the big day! the big 3.14! I hope you all have a plan to celebrate! If you are looking at a calculater right now im afraid you must leave the group..... JK JK. Weather you plan to eat or splat with some pie, just make sure you are enjoying it! Remember, a buddy can double the fun! let us know how you plan to celebrate if you are in the comments! HAPPY PIE DAY EVERYONE! :D

Yes, For the first time in a long time I am creating something that is made of steel. Im working on a story iv had forming in my mind over the past year. A zootopia/talespin crossover fanfiction. TO answer some questions im sure some of you might be thinking. No, it will not be erotic themed nor will it be wam themed.....Ok maybe alittle commedy trace of it here and there. anyway, I hope it to be a honest drama/adventure fanfiction. I will not give any more details because id likve it to be a surprise. Stay tuned to my page for updates.

I completely didnt think of making a journal of this. Im gonna use the whole school and work excuse. I have been volunteering my time with a volunteer group called "Warriors and Warbirds". Every year they host an Airshow in Monroe NC. The last 3 airshows I have volunteered.

The first year 2014. All I did was gaurd the entrance for the FAA safety breifing and then change garbage cans and brew coffee. In 2015 I volunteered the first day by direct VIP traffic and escorting people to a small helicopter giving rides. on the second day of the show I volunteered with the pyrotechnics team setting up explosive charges.

This year however was much better and I did much more. I started on Thursday setting up barricades. Friday was more barricades but I got the pleasure of seeing the performers arrive. The highlight of the day and the whole airshow came at the end of Friday when I was offered to go up on the only flying
C-46 Commando, "The Tinkerbelle". Owned by the city of Monroe, NC and operated by W&W. I have a vide of that flight. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iulaOSQEkZI The chance to fly is offered from time to time for dedicated volunteers so it was at no charge to me.

Saturday I was volunteering with the Army Aviation Heritage foundation. They had 2 Huey UH-1 choppers giving rides and 1 Cobra gunship. I was tasked with escorting people to and from the choppers and buckling them in. At the end of the day when rides were becoming scarce they offered us the chance to go on a ride to fill up empty seats. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yb.....IJuvM&t=2s I was even questioned by firecrew on the ground because I had a birds eye view of that fire you see in the vidoe. Was just a cut and burn fire.
That night attended the hangar dance we hold fore performers and volunteers. Sitting around drinken wine with some veterans and pilots while listening to some 1940s swing music. Thats my kind of party. I even made some new friends who have offered to help me earn my private pilots license. I hope to start ground school in January.

Next year I hope to fly with W&W to nearby airshows to help out. One of which might be the Lynchburg airshow in Virginia. Ill have some photos and updates in the future.

It is this time of year I fall into the same mood. One side of me asks for companionship while the other seeks isolation. What I wish I could have is cabin in the woods atleast 4 miles from the nearest road plenty of wood to keep me warm and plenty of food to keep me fed and just stay there for a week or 2. Isolated while I reflect on my year. Though I dont have such a place to reflect I ponder the year behind me.

I think of my accomplishments. This year I earned my CCW, earned 16 credits toward my degree, got a car and my drivers license. Flew on some warbirds and got my foot further in the hangar door. So to speak. I also got acouple more jobs. I now am employed as a parking attendant for an ampitheatre and a race track, as well a staff member for a security contractor, and my latest is the chickfila cow.

I did not make my return to the marathon like I hoped I would thought I was able to barely earn my 2nd spartan race trifecta. This one was one of the most grueling athletic years. I have never failed to complete a race but during the Columbia beast I nearly didnt. Most of this was due to the fact I couldnt train as hard as I needed to and manage work and school. However next year will be my return eyar since I am taking a break from spartan racing.

I also manage to go on vacation to myrtle beach. My first vacation in 7 years. I did everything there that I hoped id be able to do thought it wasnt all I had hoped because I still ahd to go with my dad. I was rather hoping to go without any of my parents because I have never been that far away from home without my parents other than school organized stuff. I was hoping for a chance to strench my independence. Well maybe FWA will by my chance in 2017.

My mistakes. I have made a number of them. My worst msitakes were earlier in the year. The earliest was I guess technically late 2015. I failed my chemistry 1 class for the 2nd time. Despite all the effort I gave things just seemed to pile against me. Major hit to my self esteem and made me question weather id be able to complete my degree and made me think if college was a waist of my time. One mistake was just waiting to long to get my drivers license. I was months away from turning 23 but it really couldnt be helped. Im not going into detail with my other mistakes or regrets. Some of them were things I did and others were things I didnt do or didnt get to do.

This coming year I want to make it better than last year. I want to return to the marathon and start my flight training as well as passing every class I take. I also hope to attend one furcon and meets my fur friends. Some I have hoped to meets for months. Others iv hoped to meet for years. If I do go I know I wont get to meet them all but that only gives me a reason to go to another con!


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What do I do in the mean time. What ever I can to get the coming year started on the right foot. Make my peace with the past year and take the lessons from it to use in the future. What ever this new year holds for me. Bring it on.

Well it was a nial biter for me but I managed to pass my pre-calculas trigonometry class with a 71.49% I was hoping to do much better but shit happens. I also passed my Digital photography class with a low A. Havent gotten the percentage grade yet but that what I have been told. With the end of this semester I can take a breath and look around to see where I am on getting my life together. Honestly I thought id be further along by now.

Over the year I have finally got my drivers license and a Jeep cherokee. I got just 4 classes left to go to get my associates degree in Science. After my degree is earned I hope to enlist in the air national gaurd and take mechanics training. With the benefits of the GI-Bill it will help me in furthering my flight training (which I hope to start in January) and further colllege education.

There is alot still ahead of me and It seems like its so much but the time i finish all my education ill be ready for retirement let alone a career. Maybe something else will come along. I dont know. A friend of mine moved to Dakota to work for Cirrus aircraft installing electronic displays in the cockpit. All he did was apply for the job.

I also have been thinking about really aiming to knockout items on my bucket list in 2017. Among them is going to a con and meeting friends that iv known for years but never met. Long over due meetings. What this following year will hold Im not certain but I hope I can accomplish even more than I did in 2016.

Alright, just something I wanna vent about. Now, I agree its what ever flips your flapjack but there are somethings on FA that iv seen that makes me question some sanity. Here is a list of kinks I cant believe: soul vore, snuff, gore, unbirth, asphyxia, cub, vasectomy.

Starting out: Soul vore, is just the worst possible one for me. I mean, just talking about it makes me uncomfortable. Ok your dead, leaving you to the great beyond what ever it may be. Soul vore, you no longer exist. Just an awful fate and then i realize someone gets a boner from this.

snuff: really? the sexual pleasure of killing, being killed, or watching both. Iv seen some snuff art and I got to say I just cant comprehend how someone could be into that.

gore: idk what to say other than someone gets a bone from have thier guts spilled or spilling someone elses.

unbith: IDK what to say. another form of snuff I suppose.

asphyxia: Ever played the chocking game? Well someone at my school died from it. another form of snuff in someways. Someone enjoying the idea of drowning or hanging. Could be fatal or not but either way someone gets turned on by it.

cub: Im not gonna even go there.

Vasectomy: As a man, I have nuts. I like my nuts. Some people enjoy art of having thier removed or mutilated. That is all.

also you have torture which i just remembed. Not tickle torture. I mean the full on vietcong pain and agony kind. People get enjoyment a kink for it.

Disclaimer: I know all this is fiction and everything but we know all this is not exclusive to the furr fandom. Honestly, I just cant believe people cant take pleasure out of such things.

Ok vent over. Just had to get that off my chest.

Well everyone the riots were short lived. The 2nd night things were at there very worst. The 3rd night there were threats to spread the violence into Concord and loot the mall and surrounds businesses. Fortunately the 3rd night it turned peaceful. I think this was inpart to the armed National Gaurd on scene. They put in place a midnight curfew but it was ignored of course. There were group prayers, people were hugging and shaking hands with police and national guard. I Was actually impressed. I didnt expect them to turn into a peaceful protest from a straightup riot. It has been very peaceful for the last week and a half. Thankfully they didnt move near me on the 2nd night. This will be my last update.

~Varment

A fur is need of funds for cancer treatment. Please dont ignore. https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7837756/

Hello everyone. If you have been checking out the news then you might know there has been riots in Charlotte NC. This is my home area. THe protests started acouple days ago after a man was shot by police. A protest of 100 has turned in a riot of hundreds. The first night the interstate was blocked, cars were attacked, big rigs stuck in traffic were raided and some contents burned in the street, a walmart was raided as well. Last night it got worse. In down town charlotte hotels, restaraunts, and stores were broken into. Windows smashed, news crews had thier vehicles attacked, fires started, people attacked. A biker gang tried to antagonize riot police. A photographer was knocked unconcious and thrown onto a fire. National gaurd has been called in to help end this. SOme of my friends are among the ones mobilized. Tonight they threaten to make it bigger and move into Monroe, Harrisburg, Weddington, and Concord. Im worried. Ill do my best to keep things updated.

My Dad decided to go visit my grandmother today. It has been acouple weeks since hed last seen her. I opted to stay home to study and rest from the spartan race I did yesterday. My dad arrived at my grandmothers house and found her on the couch dazed and confused. She didnt know who he was. We had no idea what was wrong until my mom remembered something. After my mom contacted her doctor she had her thought confirmed that my grandmothers blood sugar got dangerously low. I think they said it was 93. She was given some OJ and peanut butter and my dad stayed with her while the medics were called. On the way there her blood pressure got so bad they had to put an IV in her immedialty incase of heart attack. Right now she is in the hospital. We dont know any more than that.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Alright so my first day of college was today buuuuuut thats not the subject of this journal! I like to look abck on the summer and think about what was done. Did I get the rest and recharge I need? did anything life changing happen? did I make some money? Well let me see think. I was able to go to myrtle beach SC. I have been dieing to go for the last 7 years. I was finally able to go and I did everything I wanted to and then some. I was able to finally get my drivers license a week after I returned from the beach. Only a few before going to the beach I had purchased a Jeep grand cherokee Laredo. Now being able to drive myself where I need to go I have had freedom that I only dreamed of. Its like a grew a pair of wings and can fly away. Biggest step toward indepence iv made all year. Also, I was able to finish my AR-15 project that I started back in October. I wanted to hurry and finish it before things got crazy again. With Hillary Clinton gaining a lead on Trump it could cause a panic in the gun community. She talks gun control is a first thing to do for her as president so I wanted to finish my AR before something happend. I got in alot of work hours which was in anticipation for the coming school year. Lastly, Im now close to starting flight school. Iv been self teaching myself for the past month. I have much to learn though before I start. Im hoping to save some money by learning what I need to know outside of ground school. Ground school comes before the flying portion. It is $40 and hour. The test costs $110 and I have to have written permission to take it by an instructor. I know some of the instructors already so hopefully with alittle time they will give me a chance at the test early.

In conclusion. I have been more preductive this summer than any summer before. Iv made money, gained freedom, and learned much about myself as well as what I need for my aviation career.

This doesnt mean I did everything I had hoped to do. I still have not been to a furry convention. There are some friends in far away places I had hoped I might have been able to visit but again I wasn't given the chance. I also was not able to scratch anything off my bucket list. I will see what the future holds for me at this point.

I hope everyone had a good summer. It was definately a hot one. Weather you worked, traveled, or took classes. Ya got to enjoy summer just alittle!

well saturday was a long awaited day for me. I took my DMV driving test and I passed with fly colors. My nervs were driving my crazy the days before hand. How much distance to my test cover? 1.5 miles. How long did the test take? 15-20 minutes. yeah it was very easy.

I used my license for the first time to drive to a friends house for a party and to do some shooting in his back yard. Had some fun and then on sunday i drove to church and back and then to work and back. Emotionally its heavy because it took so long to get the money for the insurance and its just a reminder of where I am in life and how things are changing.

Today how ever was abit different. One of my best friends invited me over to camp out in his backyard. He had invited me for camping before and declined due to his love to camp in shelters he makes. For a guy who occasionaly sleep walks like me and being in the south during the summer you better stick to a tent unless its actual survival. well then heavy rain and wind rolled in and there was a big fight because I wanted to back out. He hid my revolver and my keys until i promised to stay. He was upset and I understood why and me, him, and his mother had a heart to heart and we made up. Well, my mom wants to do something about it. How ever he will be shipping out in the navy soon so that will give things time to cool down.

Other then the drama I cant wait to see what the future holds for me now that I dont have to rely on bumming rides. Also, if you are into it I could use some prayers just. Just some swiss army prayers to help me keep on keepen on. Thank you for reading.

Well its been like 7 years since I took my drivers-ed class in High School but I finally have my own vehicle. Dont have the license yet but that will come in the following month. My DMV is so over whelmed all they can do is plan my test sometime in the next month. Hopefully the DMV afew towns over is less busy and could get me in sooner. Only reason it took this long was because my event staffing jobs dont pay well but now I have 3 of those jobs and im able to pay the $132 a month insurance for the next 3 years.

Iv been very quiet on FA lately for good reason. Iv been dealing with the end of the semester and a number of other problems. My stress started with the spanish class. My first exam went fine with an 80% but my 2nd one I bombed with a 44%. This was due to a lack of studying because of a frantic job hunt. I got the job. My next 2 exams ok with high 70s. Then came studying for the final exam which is 25% of my final grade. Under much stress I took that exam after a hell of alot of studying and working it around 4 projects due on the same day. Well then came this weekend. I had to work the Carolina Rebellion concert as a parking attendant. 45 hour of work in 4 days. Through waves of parking lot dust, blistering heat, and before that 30mph winds with rain and 40 degrees.... not to mention the worst crowd on the speedway event calender. this crowd does real damage and harm.

Well the cherry on top was the Idea that mean and some friend were going to myrtle beach the weekend after. Now i havent been to the beach in 7 year. Last time i went it was just me and my Dad and the the night before leaving a dear friend of mine killed himself with sleep meds. I waited for 6 years to go back. Last year I was tired of waiting and begged my parents to go back but they didnt so I made plans this year. All worked out. Money, lodging, transportation, schedule. all was planned............BUT.......my parents thought going during "bike week" was to dangerous so they suggested rescheduling and they would pay the incread room rate. I planned this for the only available weekend for me in all of may. In June the room price jumps $120 a night. so about $220 a night. They said they would pay the extra money so we wouldnt. Well non of my friend are available in june because thye are going to the same beach with thier families.....

Its been a rough semester and the past month has only gotten worse and its just all fallen apart. Also friends of mine have been going through crap too. Some of it I tried to help but only made it worse I think. Ontop of that my blacksmithing, my shooting, my training, all the activities that i love i think about but i dont feel anything. Its like i just dont care anymore.

Am I going into a depression?

Idk, I just have to get through tomorrows spanish verbal exam and hopefully I dont have to retake the class a third time!

alright, did you know that furries can be kinky? Yeah, aint that something. I do have my kinks as some of you may know but what am I strongly not into and what am I against. Normally im ok with what ever floats your boat but I drawn the line. What am I not into. Scat, watersports, age play.

What am i completely against. gore, hard vore, pedophilia, beastiality, necrophilia, snuff, and soul vore, unbirth. Yeah i dont think anyone should be into this stuff.

Ok, It should be abvious why i see this way so ill just talk about a few. Vore, how can anyone get aroused by death or gruesome pain. Its just unbelievable to say the least. There is no excuse in pedophilia. It sickening to say the least. The absolute worst is soul vore. As a Christian or even just being spiritual to think that someone gets a boner by the idea of being taken out of existence. To have thier eternal being devoured and all there is is oblivian is just unimagenable. It is one of the worst fates imagenable and the very idea of it sends a chill up my spine. Now to think people get off to that......I just cant.

We all have our kinks but there are some things you should just not be into.

Since Christmas things have been a roller coaster. My next job with a security contractor had a contract cancelled at one of the local venues. That at the time would mean loosing up to $3000+ for the year. Well since then I got a 3rd job as a parking attendent for that venue. So i have parkign attendant jobs and a Security job. They mesh perfectly. Im also take some light classes this semester. alot on my plate but it is managable. I will soon have my drivers license too so more indepence will be coming my way. I hope so.

More recently things have not gone so well. Some friends of mine have been going through alot. I bumped into a recruitor thursday for the marines. The same one that told me I couldnt be in the military because of my autism. The biggest step to starting my career. She basicly said. "cant, sorry." It reminded me of that moment last year and its been haunting me. One friend of mine just went through something similar when he tried to enlist in the Coast Gaurd. This one was because of a knee surgery he had when he was a kid. Hes taking it really bad.

I was even told by a "friend" of mine that my life was a statistic and had no meaning in responce to me talking about my dreams. The whole week has been just a storm of people letting me down, my friends being hurt, I too have made mistakes I deeply regret. Oh, a spanish midterm was the cherry on top.

I apologize for being so quiet. Iv also been giving alot of attention to the wamfurs page. I might be posting some attempts at art on here eventually. Im just abit down right now and need some time. Thank you the watches everyone. I hope you all have a good Easter.

Hey everyone, Acouple friends of mine are looking for acouple room openings at FWA. Anyone looking for acouple room mates?

Some times it seems the harder you try to do something right the easier for it to go wrong. Thats been me the past few months. One example. I was blessed with a brand new flight jacket for Christmas. I wore it for on week and was super paranoid of anything that might get it dirty. Then I accidently brush passed a pizzabox and got grease all over the sleeve. Dry cleaning made it look better than new. Thank God. Also, With school. My GPA went from 3.63 to 3.052. Over the passed 2 semesters. I got 18 credits to go for my associates degree and this is the end of my 3rd year. Im behind, iv failed a class. I got grades to makeup, a pace to catchup, and work hours to build up. Im not depressed though. Idk if iv stopped caring or if its just my faith. I dont know.

Also, one thing iv noticed. People Iv known since my first days in the fandom. Its this way with most of the furs I know. When I came in everyone was having fun going to cons and meets. I felt so welcome in the fandom. Now, Most of the same people. Have broken ties with each other and have gotten so caught up in life and everything thats its not what it used to be. NO I AM NOT LEAVING THE FANDOM. Im just pondering why it all seemed to happen to everyone at once.

Enough of the venting. One other thing. THis year I hope to make some changes for myself. I hope to go on a vacation. I havent been on one in 7 years. IT will either be to myrtle beach or to Atlanta for FWA I hope. I want to meet the people that have made my time here in the fandom so much fun. Many of them I just want to thank for what they have done for me. I hope to do better in school. I hope to get my drivers license. Bought damn time. I always want to make my return to the marathon. Iv already got my start by getting my conceal carry permit. Ill do my best. Please, if you pray then please send me some or just keep me in your wishes while I do my best. Thank you for reading.

I love Christmas! I do really, I even listen to music year round when im in the mood. How ever when the month of Decemeber hits I dont get the full pleasure. I never really can. Why? well school mostly. I got out of school on the 17th leaving me with 7 days to prepare. My parents do what they can and i help when i can yet exams leaves me little to no time. I listen to the music on the radio. I love to see the decorations when we are out and about. Every year I kinda fall back to my childhood innocence and nostalgia kicks in. Yet my adulthood as for most fights it. The work pressure. The rush to prepare always distracts from what Christmas is about. Peace on earth and good will toward man. Family, kindness, and birth of Christ. (no debating please)

How ever this time of year I find myself in a depression that lasts about a few days. My mother has been diagnosed with OCD and just by being herself pushes me to this depression. She shouts for me across the house to come there. When i get there it could be as simple as "hand me a pencil" or "we are going christmas shopping, your driving, we will be gone for about 4-5 hours" No warning. While decorating she micro manages everything. She is even OCD enough that if I am using wyndex on a window she will remind me to aim at the window when I pull the trigger. This is constant. When something doesnt get done immediatly she will yell. We work so hard leading to Christmas that by the time Christmas eve arrives we want to do nothing rather than celebrate. I want to be happy through all this rather that tired or mad but I cant help bud be. Despite all this I still love Christmas but I sometimes have the awful wish of being alone so that I can enjoy it and what it is about.

I am sorry for the venting but as you can understand alot of people need to this time of year. I really hope for everyone they have a great Christmas despite what stress we go through for it. Remember what Christmas is about and never forget it. Merry Christmas to my furry friends and family!