It's been a while since I wrote on here. Suprisingly I'm not dead!

Things have been going rather well for me. I have an upcoming project that i'm working on. I'll be keeping the details underwraps for now, until it's time to release. However, a TTRPG campaign setting, written by me, will be coming out within the next year or so. There will also be a light novel released along side of it. I do have quite a bit more work that needs to be done on it. However, those who have been long time followers might be familiar with a couple of the races and creatures found within it's pages.

I'll let you all know when it's finished and post a few pages of the books here when they are done. Many of the characters and a lot of the lore has been changed, for the better.

Four years have passed since my last Journal. A lot has changed. I'm doing very well. But I'm not on this site much any longer. If you would like to stay up to date with what I'm doing send me a note for my dischord ^_^. If you want to know more about what happened over the past four years that will be the where to learn it.

I'm leaving today and i'll be gone for a long time,. How long, i don't know. I'm moving to Idaho, and will be just outside of Spokane Washington. I do know that I will be out of contact for quite some time. Any written works i'm working on will be put on hiatus, etc etc. But this is for those people that may not have my skype or otherways to contact me etc. I've done my best to send a personal goodbye to those I can, but for those i canno... That's why this is here. Frankly i'd rather not go into details about the how's and whys. Those that need to know already do. Feel free to comment on this as much as you like, or send personal notes, but know that i will not be reading them for an extended period of time. Take care and i wish you well.

I"m so tired of this. I'm so tired of being forced into dominant roles, and taking over with people. I'm so tired of never being able to actually submit. Of never being allowed to submit myself to some one. Every time i present myself. And every time i start talking to some one. The result always seems the same. They become in Awe of the fact that *Gasp* i know what i'm fucking doing. "Oh great BDSM Guru teach me your ways! Train me to be like you!" FUCK YOU. I'm not here to train you to be my dominant. I'm not here to train you to be a better submissive, i'm not here to help you realize your full potential or what the fuck ever. I'm here to be what i am. A submissive. A servant. A slave. A pet. But every time i think i've found some one, it end the same way. I have to show them how to dominate, or they do a 180 and become my sub. This has happened over, and over, and over. I'm just so tired of it. Is there something wrong with me? Am i doing something wrong? Is it bad that when i say i'm a submissive i mean it? I'm not some slut that sits there and expect s to be acted upon. I'm proactive, i like to do things, I like to help, I like to be there for my domme and make their lives easier... BECAUSE THAT"S WHAT A SUB FUCKING DOES! But it seems like this world of BDSM has become so saturated with the worst kind of people that i never actually get the chance to do that. Oh my GOD!! i have agency HOW DARE I! or... Oh look they are being proactive that must make them SUUUPER DOMINANT!

But i'm not. I'm a Slave, have always been, and will always be a slave. I'm a submissive girl that just wants to please, so how can i say no when i know that pleasing this person... means being thier domme?

It's killing me... It's killing me and i feel like people don't understand the gravity of the things they are asking me to do. As king me to be their mistress is like asking a flower to mow the lawn. it's difficult. It's draining. Every time i'm dominant i'm left exhausted, worn out, drained, and hating myself for slipping once again into that trap.

The most amount of time i've ever been able to domme is for 6 months consistently. And that was because i was the slave of a mistress who found pleasure in watching me preform like that with other subs. But on my own... the time gets shorter ever time. A month or two, a week. A day... I can barely do it for a couple of hours now.

And still.. AND STILL it never ends. never stops, never.. ever... ever stops. I'm starting to hate my subs. I'm starting to hate my slaves, and submissive friends because they just ask SO MUCH from me. ANd ever y time i beg them. plead with this person i've been domming and teaching for two years to dominate me... Or try to get one of my friends to help me.... "I just don't feel right domming you! You're just too dominant i can't help but feel submissive"

SUCK IT THE FUCK UP! that is EVERY FUCKING MOMENT I"M WITH YOU! EVERY SINGLE SCENE, INTERACTION, MINUTE, HOUR, DAY, WEEK, YEAR! I DO IT FOR YOU! WHY CAN'T YOU PULL IT OFF FOR 2 FUCKING WEEKS! Every moment i'm a domme i feel my self being pulled in the other direction so hard there might as well be a black hole behind me.

I can't keep doing this. I can't keep destroying my self to make others happy. It's just so fucking hard. I'm a masochist but i still don't like being tortured endlessly. Please.... please jsut stop. Stop asking me to do this. It's ripping me into pieces. I just want a chance to be me. To be who i am with some one. TO be a Royal Slave, a submissive, a pet, a cherished treasure. Why is it so hard for people to understand that?

I'm a fucking ROYAL SLAVE! I'm a submissive that's SO SUBMISSIVE, the only way I dominate.. is by SUBMITTING TO THE SUBMISSIVE! How fucked up is that? And i'm the best you can find? Really? What the actual FUCK!

why can i never find a mistress? Why must i be stuck in this perpetual cycle of tutoring and dominating, and training other people to dominate only to be left in the dust? No more. I"M DONE you want this from me? You need this from me? YOU NEED TO FEEL MY DOMINANCE BEARING DOWN ON YOUR SOUL!?? then fucking PAY ME FOR THE WORK I DO! All of this has been at MY expense. All of it has been FOR FUCKING FREE. all my blood, sweat, tears, hatred, passion, love, and all of this hard, impossibly hard work i have put into this kind of shit and what do i get? Another devoted submissive that bends to my every command.. yay... DO people realize that at this point if i want someone like this i can make one, or more likely turn 20 degrees and look at one i already have?

No more. NO FUCKING MORE! I'm done, i'm tired, i'm worn out, drained, and despise you fucking people. It's time to give something back. I've given you everything. It's time you gave me at least something.

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Some one told me that the reason they wanted me to dominate is because i showed a deftness that only those who love to dominate have. I haven't laughed like that in a long ... long... long time

But i do. I love it. I love being dominated. I dream about it every moment of my life. I think about it every second of my day. i hope for it, i pray for it. I know what i like. i know what i need. i know every single moment that a sub adores. That moment when you feel that tug on the leash and your heart flutters. The moment that you find that person and drop to your knees and feel... peace.. freedom.. joy.. jyubalence. It's my passion. My everything. I live for every moment that i get to share. I cherish every time... every time a dominant does that one, small, tiny thing, says that one word, makes that one movement, and ........ and... and you didn't know you even wanted that. But it happened and now you wonder how you ever lived without it. That moment that causes a shiver to run up and down your spine so profound that you start to weep. that is what i do. That is what i try to show people, and help people with . I know how wonderful those experiences can be. And i just want other people to share my passion. Maybe... Maybe if i let them have those moments. I can feel like i'm having them too.

that's not how this works. That's not how it happens... that's now what actually goes on. They have their moment, and i'm happy for them... but... never have mine. Never once had mine. And so i feel alone,with pent up with out release. And it just tears at my heart a little more every time that happens. Every time i miss that one little moment that makes me whole. .... Just once... just once... i want to have my moment... just once.

So here's my heart bared, My soul on display. My passion unrefined, raw, and no longer held back. Take it as you will.

this flood has been a long time coming. The final straw just broke my back at long last

-Varoona, the Royal Slave.

This is not going to be a good month, And it hasn't been a good month in a while....

So um... Here it goes

I'm 26 years old, and i've hit a very rough patch in my life. Clinically i've been diagnosed with Double Depression aka Dysthymia. It's a coombination of Chronic Depression and clinical depression. I also suffer from ADD. THe combination of these Disorders can be very parylizing. It usually manifests in less of a desire not to do things, and more of an inability to. It's gotten so bad that i've actualy been diagnosed as mentally handicapped, and that thought alone hurts quite a bit.

Recently, I lost my job (it was seasonal), and i've been trying to look for a new one. But I've had little success. I also signed up for a program called DVR that is hopefully, going to help me get to a place that i can actually live more independantly. However, this is a government program, which means it takes time.

So, here I am, reaching out for help. Any money that is donated will be used for the essentials, such as rent, food, electricity, and transportation to hopefully help me make it through this trying time in my life. Honestly, I really don't like asking for help. I've always belived that if you try hard enough that you can do things on your own. But the reality is, I can't. I've tried for many years, and managed to barely scrape by.

Looking a head for the next couple of weeks I'm not sure how much, or if i'll be able to eat anything.

If...... If you can find it in your heart to help me out. You'd have my undying gratitude. Since I can't give much back. For FA i suppose that If you donate, Please tell me and i would be happy to write any kind of story for you, No cost, No restrictions... since that's the only thing i'm any good at and i feel like i need to give something back.

This is a very hard thing for me to write and... If i can't make it this month, and Can't turn my life around, well... I loose everything.

My computer
My apartment
My belongings
My cat...
My Freedom

I'll be moved to a "Higher level of care" which entails a group home. It will be at least nine months until i'll, maybe, hopefully, be able to be me again. It might be much longer.

So... please, i need some help, Anything you can do will mean the world to me. Even if it's just shareing this Journal. There's a link below if you feel like you want to donate.

Thanks....


https://www.gofundme.com/h4244ydw

I'm going to be uploading the rest of shiela's shoot today before work. Apologies in advance for the flood

I'm condensing the world of Visvana into an easier to handle format. And then i'm opening it up a bit to the public. The rules for it go as follows. If you're use of my world is going to be free, Just give me a credit in the form of a link, to either this journal, or the source you found my work.

If you are going to monetize your creation. Please ask for permission. I still want to maintain some level of copyright on this as a lot of blood sweat and tears went into making this. Monetizing this includes things like: Ebook sales, Comic Book Sales, Table Top Game Creation, Paid Videogame Sales (Free to play... and i mean FREE not Microtransaction free is fine), Novelization, Short Story Publication, Movie Creation, Or other similar works. I'm not saying you can't do these things, and hell... I don't even know if ANY of these will even happen. However, If you are planning on making something like that, Please ask for permission, and some consult me.

This journal will be updated when the File is completed. Use the Table of Contents and Ctrl+F to navigate


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Update! There is no way i'm going to put the whole thing into one journal so i'll be splitting it up.. maybe... I don't know yet... So... much ... writing T_T

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Update Update! So.... I'm just going to release this as an Ebook or something. I've gotten to 53 pages thus far, and i haven't even started on the races past the Zalnduu.... So... Question... Should i split this up into multiple Ebooks? Or just leave it as one, big ass thing? I'm leaning towards the former honestly. I like having everything together so you can go back and reference previous material and stuff... .I dunno.

So my Gallery was a mess more or less. So i went through and put similar things in to little folder links you can browse now. You may see doubles in some folders If it relates to two or more things. Like you'll find some of my writing in other places when it relates t othat character or some such ^_^

Trans people have thick skin. It's a requirement for us not immediately committing suicide. We can take a decent amount of abuse in the form of verbal insults, hatefull looks, and "jokes," that if were about ANY other thing. Gay, Race, Women, Animals. Would make you vomit.

But the problem is the build up of these things. A mountian can be destroyed by a spring with enough time. When this is your life it gets to you. It ALWAYS does. We just pretend that it doesn't.

I don't really do these but ... Fuck it.. Trigger warning. Below is NOT going to be nice...

Here are examples of what we have to deal with and "grin and bear it." I'll post the equivalent for people who are not trans.

Misgendering: Sir, He, Him. these pronouns.

Imagine that every day. Every person you saw called you Eustice. Every time you tell them your actual name they call you ... Eustice. You spell your name for them and they read it as Eustice. You get a sign that says "Hello My name is...." and they still call you Eustice. every person you meet in the day. That person who took your food order for lunch. The people at the grocery store. The person at the gasstation. The customers you interact with at your job. Your boss, Your co-workers. And even a couple members of your family ALL DO THIS. How much of that could you take before going insane?

Now... let's take this a step further. You hit a breaking point and yell. "MY NAME IS NOT EUISTICE FOR FUCKS SAKE!" And you get fired from your job... Because your name is not Eustice. You try to get a new job and they don't hire you because your name is not Eustice.

You confide in some one who you think you're pretty close with and they say... "Well.. i mean you DO kinda look like a Eustice..."

Your mother or father kicks you out of the house because you insist your name is not Eustice.

That sounds crazy doesn't it. All of that just because your name isn't Eustice. THAT is misgendering.

Next up... The insults, and worse.



Let's go deeper. Again Warning... This is not going to be a fun read.

Insults: Let's sling some equivalent insults shall we?

A random person whom you have never met walks up to you. They look you over and say.... "You know what i think? I think you deserve to die. You are everythign that is wrong with this world/society. If you continue to exist you will corrupt our children and burn our cities to the ground. Why don't you do us all a favor and kill yourself."

You get on the bus, And the person sitting across from you says the same thing.

A woman at work says that to you too. And this happens every day. How long would you last?

---

"You know it would just be easier if you would accept that your name is Eustice. I mean wouldn't it just be simpler that way? It's fine if you want to call yourself somethign else in private. But why don't you just go by Eustice in public?"

Your family says that to you. As do your friends. So do people you go to to get some support. This includes Psychologists, Doctors, Counselors, Or what ever else.

---

"So.... your name is Eustice right?"
"um... No..."
"but it USED to be Eustice though."
"no.... it never was"
"So... your not Eustice?"
"yes... i've been telling you that for an hour."
"So do you still have Eustice as a middle name or...?"

This is what questions about being trans feel like some times.

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That friend who's been supper supportive of you not being Eustice introduces you to their friends.

"Hey so this is ____/Eustice my transname best friend"

Let's use a different example.

"Hey so this is (what ever your name is) They have a tiny penis and masturbates once a day."

"Hey so this is (What ever your name is). They have this super weird looking vagina and they're going to have a period in 6 days."



This is the more internal things. Again Trigger warning or ... whatever.

You look at every one you pass and wonder if they are secretly thinking that your name is Eustice. because for your entire life every one has been insisting that it is. No matter what you try to do to convince people other wise.

For real though. THESE are actual thoughts that run through my head every day of my life.

"I really hope that while i'm sitting at this bus stop late at night, that one of these people walking by me doesn't decide to murder me."

"I really don't want to walk home since i might get raped, The person won't find what they are looking for, And stabs/shoots me right there. If only i had a vagina and ONLY had to worry about being Raped. That would be so much easier."

THAT is what it is like being trans.

Yup this is a big ass rant... deal with it.

Today We were supposed to come to work in a Halloween costume.. great. So i go dressed as a witch. I'm wearing a long skirt, I have this really long black wig on, Eyeliner, Black lipstick, Eyeshadow, foundation, powder, bronzer, blush AND mascara on. I really went all out.

Now i'm also wearing a corset because... why not. And a tight, form fitting turtle neck. The corset is doing it's job. As in... Tiny waist And BOOM tits. And i'm not... a small girl up there. 38 D. I'm also wearing an ankle length cardigan because work uniform. WITH my name tag that says ARYANNA right there on display. AND wearing high end perfume!

Still... STILL! i'm getting called things like He, Sir, Him. WHAT THE FUCK!!!! What fucking thing am i wearing... What part of me ANYWHERE is screaming SIR. I'm in FULL MAKE UP. HELLOOOOOO! And this is by Customers, and Co-workers alike. What the shit is this?

I'm getting close to confronting someone about this bullshit because it's getting out of hand. But at the same time i know i'll probably get fired if i "make a scene" or what the fuck ever. GAH!

If you really want to know what "trans-gendered Descrimination" looks like It's that. THAT riiiiiiight there.

But the nuts thing is... I don't even think i have a masculine voice either. It's probably a bit lower then other women. By “a bit Low” I mean Alto. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! I don’t even understand it.

And just for solidarity https://www.dropbox.com/s/aqrjqgd7x.....86%29.JPG?dl=0 this is a picture of me.

First and update. I'm still very much around. Mostly i've been Occupying my time with RL stuff and things, which is why there have been no more SL pictures in a while. However, i'm still very open to posting them once more if there is demand for them. Regardless if you would ever like a commission for a story or something similar let me know.

ALSO!!!!!!!!!!! Birthday month! my birthday is on the 19th of this month. So yay hehe. Oh and look forward to another journal in a bit as well.


The written work


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What is a “Royal Slave”
By Varoona

So… I’m what’s called a Royal Slave. This is a little complicated so that’s why I’m making this. Hopefully it’ll explain things a little better. So what is a Royal Slave? It’s a Submissive that fits into a strange section of BDSM. Why it’s call royal will be explained latter. This type of submissive has quite a few names other than “royal.” Sometimes they are called “Absolute Slaves,” or “True Slaves,” or “Anticipatory Slaves.”

We are a strange breed of Submissives. Slavery, Submissiveness, this is something that runs deep in out bones, our souls, our very essence. It part of who we are. To be one is almost a form of torture. We have a chain attached to our soul. Constantly that chain is pulling at our essence, our being. It’s like having a string attached to your spine, and being pulled out of your sternum. When we meet someone dominant, our brain kicks in and starts screaming “KNEEL! KNEEL! KNEEL! KNEEL!” Our hearts skip a beat and it feels like it’s being twisted. Our stomach knots, we’re at a loss for breath. The only thing we want right then and there is to let our knees drop and settle into that weird place we know we belong. Royal slaves don’t have a “subspace” that they get into. We’re always in our subspace whether we want to be or not. This can be maddening.

In a royal slave’s life something that they have to learn very quickly is how to resist these urges or they are taken advantage of by everyone around them. It’s a shame that we have to do this, but it’s a necessary part of being able to function. However, we usually find things to do, that helps us satisfy these desires at least in some capacity. This often consists of working in some kind of service industry, or something similar. At least that way we feel like we’re doing something meaningful.

But all of this sounds fantastic for BDSM doesn’t it? Well that’s where things get weird. Royal Slaves specialize in anticipating the dominants desires. We are often able to sense what things they need, or want, or are able to show them things they didn’t even know that they wanted. However, this is part of the problem. A lot of dominants, good, bad, or somewhere in-between have a difficult time handling this type of submissive. The reason for this is very simple.

From the outset a “Terrible” or “Lazy” submissive and a “Royal Slave” seem very similar. Both do things without being told. Both go beyond their mistress/or masters permissions to bring things, or show things, or do things. But the difference is that a “lazy submissive” will do these things from a selfish stand point; the “Royal Slave” does them from an altruistic one. I’ll explain: A “Lazy submissive.” Might… Act out because they want to be punished by a crop or whip. Perhaps they push hard on a specific fetish that they really enjoy, that the dominant is either Meh, about or simply hasn’t implemented yet for one reason or another.

A royal slave will try to figure out what sorts of things their partner likes and enjoys and will do their best to let them explore it if they so choose. A royal slave never acts out just to get punished. They know that if masochism and sadism I a thing their dominant enjoys it will come up regardless of what they do. Note that I didn’t say “if the royal slave enjoys it.” This is because we will enjoy it if our dominant does. That’s the biggest difference between the two.

Unfortunately it can be very difficult for most dommes to recognize this difference. What often wind up happening is the domme, sees what the Royal Slave is doing and starts to impose various rules. “Don’t do this without my permission” “Only when I allow you too may you….” Or other things of that nature. For the Royal Slave this makes them feel very restricted. They feel as if they cannot show their master/mistress their best because of these imposed rules. And this kind of thing frustrates them. Or on the worse side, the Royal Slave will understand that their Dominant cannot handle that type of submission and limit themselves to compensate. Either way the dominant is unhappy and so is the submissive

The reason that this type of submissive is called royal, is a little complicated. There is a type of dominant called a “Royal Dominant” that has just as many names as the Royal Slave. But this type of dominant is one that has a very expectant approach to things. They expect certain things to be met without needing to tell their submissive. Depending on the intensity of the “Royal Dominant” depends on how far this goes. For a submissive a royal dominant can be extremely frustrating and difficult as there is little communication beyond body language at some extremes. A snap of the fingers may mean a thousand different things depending on the situation, as does a shift in weight, or a twitch of the eyebrow.

This is where the Royal Slave comes into play. As the Royal slave is able to understand these small gestures and thrives off of them. Here are a few examples: The dominant clears her throat softly. “Oh yes mistress one moment let me get you something to snack on.” The dominant Shifts in their chair gently resting their arms on the armrests and closes their eyes. “Would Mistress like Bach or Beethoven this evening?” The dominant snaps their fingers. The submissive runs to fetch a leash and collar. The dominant snaps their fingers. The submissive goes and pours them a glass of wine. The dominant snaps their fingers. The submissive gets them a book to read. So on and so forth.

The reason that a royal slave is called a royal slave, and a royal dominant called a royal dominant is because these actions are similar to those of royalty in fantasy. A queen claps her hands and is surrounded by handmaidens. Or she sighs and waves it as a sign to execute some one that is displeasing her. A royal dominant and A Royal slave work in perfect tandem. However, people that are capable of this are very rare. It cannot be trained, only blossomed. It cannot be taught, only fostered.

If a royal slave cannot find a dominant then one option she has is to become dominant herself. Instead of using her anticipation to serve the dominant, she uses it to serve her submissive. Knowing what the submissive wants, before they do, or knowing things about the submissives desires they did not know themselves is a very powerful way of dominating someone. It’s an even more powerful way of training submissives. However, this will leave the royal slave woefully unfulfilled. Despite how “good” they may be at domination, a royal slave never sees themselves as dominant. Instead they see themselves as a slave to their slave. And when fantasizing about the things they did, put themselves in the place of the submissive, not the dominant.

Another piece to this is, when a royal slave meets a royal dominant that heavy pulling on the chain of their soil becomes so powerful it cannot be ignored. This can lead to interesting situations. A mistress who has brushed off many others that have tried to dominate her like flies. A mistress that controls a harem of women and lords over them with a strict, intimidatingly powerful fist. Suddenly she bends her knee and does everything she can to worship and serve this woman she has known for mere moments. All because that other woman is a royal dominant. The two can tell when the other is a Royal dominant, or Royal slave. It doesn’t matter what the other call themselves in that moment, or what term they use to refer to themselves. The two will always fall right into their roles.

Another issue that arises is attachment. It is very easy to form a deep bond as a Royal dome and Royal sub. This bond is also necessary for the two to engage in what it is they do. More than likely at least one of them will fall deeply in love with the other. However, if this love is not requited it can be devastating. One way to avoid this is to bring that kind of thing to the forefront before either the royal dome or the royal slave gets to serious. This does not guarantee that such a situation will not happen, but it can help.

Oddly once a Royal Slave has either become a dominant, or met a royal dome, it is extremely difficult to dominate them. A Dominate Royal Slave will see any attempts to “break her” or “Put her in her place” as laughable. She cannot be broken, and doesn’t need to be put in her place because she already knows what that place is, and a royal slave cannot be broken down any further. Hence the term Absolute Slave that is sometimes used. To the royal slave a dominant that cannot handle or control them is generally not wort the frustration it takes to feel that brief relief. However, should a dominant that does understand how to handle a royal slave showup, the royal slave is more than happy to go back to where she belongs.

Unlike the subspace of many submissives in BDSM th e royal slave does not feel the same blissful euphoria, or relaxation that many other slaves thrive on. They feel a sense of purpose. An answer to the questions: What is the meaning of life? And Why are we here? And such is the nature of the Royal Slave.

I, the writer of this paper, am a Royal Slave. These are the things that I tend to go through on a near constant basis. The purpose of this paper was to elucidate this unique form of BDSM and bring knowledge of it to more people. However, this is also a paper to my submissives. If I, as your dominant need to stop for a while, or cannot bring myself to play. It is because… I’m not dominant. I’m more submissive then you most likely. I have been dominating you with submission, but occasionally I need to take a break. I need to gather the fortitude to dominate again as the act is very draining on me. I am a Royal Slave. I’m not switch. I’m not dominant. I’m not occasionally dominant, nor occasionally submissive. I’m not a pet, or a bedroom submissive. I’m a Royal Slave. I will forever be submissive, even if I do not show it. I hope this has given you some insight into royal slavery or at least some insight into who I am in the world of BDSM.

At the end of september i'll be looking for an artist for some commission work. One of one of my characters, and one of a good friend of mine's characters. If you know of anyone moderately priced let me know

Yup the All important Male anatomy of the Zalnduu has been finished. Now in new sexy clinical text version. Anyway I have been meaning to do this for a while. So here's to you perves that wondered what Zalnduu junk looked like





The Zalnduu Penis

The shaft of the Zalnduu phallus has convex ridges that inflame when the male Zalnduu is excited and inflame more as they near ejaculation. These convex bulges coincide with the deep concave ridges of the female zalnduu’s vaginal lining. When at the point of ejaculation the Bulges and ridges lock together to keep the two mating Zalnduu together. At the same time the three pronged flanges at the tip of the penis become inflamed and push the urethra up and out though the protective flanges. This allows the male zalnduu’s sperm to be delivered directly into the female’s womb with little to no chance of it slipping out of the vaginal walls. Thus ensuring that the inseminating male has a better chance At his genetic code being passed along. Once ejaculation has been completed the inflamed flanges retract to once again protect the male’s phallus from foreign objects and after a period of 5-10 minutes the inflamed bulges deflate allowing the pair to pull apart. Attempts to separate the pair before the inflammation has receded can result in serious injury to both parties.

There is currently a vote going on For flora's Gender. To make it a little easier for me i ask that you vote on the pictures themselves.


At the moment the vote is tied

6 for shemale
6 for female


The pictures to vote on are here

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13316671/ Shemale Flora
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13316653/ Female Flora


The Voting will end Monday or Tuesday And that is when i will cast my final verdict. If it remains a tie i'll cast the deciding vote myself

Update We are now

7 for shemale
7 for female

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Voting has ended. A 10 - 8 In favor of Flora being shemale

It's my birthday this week. I turn 24 of the 19th ^_^

However, there is something important to this journal other then just that little update.

Outstanding commissions will be finished tomorrow. If you'd like me to stream them just Skype me or message me though here. But they will be complete tomorrow.

I'm just trying to catch up before fall comes down

I'm hoping to get a custom mesh for Retta in SL if you guys know f any one with such skills could ya drop me a line?

To be more specific i'm looking for some one who is very good at designing both her well built, yet feminine physique, As well as some one who isn't afraid of texturing and taking a few directions.

My ultimate hope is to get the picture i have for Retta, As i see it in my head on to "paper" or second life if possible. I've come to the realization that the only way this will happen is though a commissioned piece.

I'm not disgustingly picky of course but i would like head to feet made up and an adjusted height as well for SL. Maybe her hair to? But that's more of a last minute if i can actually afford it thing. Anywho. If any one of you (who reads these) Knows of some one who might be able to help me could you refer me to them?

P.S. I also understand this will be pricey i'm just looking for some numbers right now. Maybe more soon

Sorry if this is asking a lot

So i need some money to help me pay off my bills this month So i am opening up 80 yes 80 slots. You will be able to get a 1 page written commission from me about anything you like. Do you want me to Describe your character, or maybe do a saucy sex scene. What ever you want so long as it is 1 page. The cost for this is only 5$ as well. It's not that much so help me out. You are also perfectly allowed to apply to more then one slot.

If you would like a commission please reply with the following formula

Brief description of what you want
Character References if applicable
A link to a journal where you help promote me, because really the more the better
Additional comments if any


Slot list:1
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Prices:


5 page story: $25

10 page story: $35

11-20 page story: $45-$65

Anything over 20 pages: $150-$200

Character Sheet: $30

Background: $40


Race Creation: this entails Naming the race, physical descriptions, religion, traditions, culture, ect.

Basic (nothing fancy just the bare basics): $45

Religion: +25

Traditions: +20

Culture: +30


RP sim Background (Second Life)

Basic: $150 (this includes one Religion with 1-9, Traditions, Culture, History, Creation Story, And linage of Royalty/ people of power)

Add a God : + 10

Add a Pantheon (3 or more gods): +35

Add a Religion: +50

Legends: +40

Add a custom Race(not a classic fantasy one): +60

Novella History (8 pages or more of just the history of your sim) +90



Slots:
1  Myrilla
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So i have a couple of characters i have done almost nothign with in a long time and I wanted to see if someone else wanted them. With each option you get all right to the character, art concerning the character, plus what ever else may be added. Back story, histoy, you name it.


First up is Sanuye Wolf. She's a rather large muscled Dire wolf that stands 8 feet tall. SPECIAL. If Requested i will help to make this avatar for you in sl. She doesn't have a lot of back story so feel free to do with her what ever you like

Bid starting at $15 USD

Refs:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6689564/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6689689/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6689872/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6689882/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6689889/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6689897/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6689963/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6689991/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6689997/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6690005/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6690011/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6690022/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6690030/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6691397/

The next i have done even less with i think. This is Ryanna. She's a cow girl from Colorado USA that has more then a little bit of the native american streak in her. If requested i can write up a more complicated background for her

Bid Start at $10 usd

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5076214/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5083968/

That's right I'm officially opening up the race to the public. However, there is a lot of complicated lore and things behind them so i only ask that you send me a note with this from attached so i can look it over, approve it, and add it to the list ^_^. For those that want to play shamans, Channelers, or Seers, please contact me first so i can explain some of the odd things about those three classes. Like with all of my writing here i the no download needed journal.


So you want to be a Zalnduu


Here's a quick guide on how to make one

Name list is at the bottom.


Gender:

Gender dimorphic traits: (males are larger females are smaller. Females have large manes and males do not.)

Height: (females 9-11) (Males 11-14)

Weight: (Between 1000 and 2000 pounds)

Last name: (Where were you born?)

First name: (what quirk did you have when you were little?)

Name brand: ( What symbol represents your name?)

Birth month: (this dictates your Heartstone)

Patron spirit primary: (who do you praise the most? What gift did they give? What part of your body did you sacrifice?)

Patron spirit Secondary: (What gift did they give? What part of your body did you sacrifice?)

Class: (warrior or hunter? [for shamans, Channelers, and seers please contact me])

Fur color:

Hair length: (half as long as you are old)

Zealously level: (are you extremely adamant about the Zalnduu religion or moderately?)

Tech level: (Be mindful that nothing past the stone age is permitted)

Culture shock level: (have you interacted at all with the fourth tribe or not? Be mind full Zalnduu are rare outside of Gondwana)

Have you Registered your Zalnduu?:

Physical description here:

Bio here:

Additional questions and comments:


Stamp of approval will go here once you submit this form. Just remember have fun ^_^



Name list


Last names:
Obomsawin: Born on a mountain
Angwusonomataqa: Born in a Corn field
Ahtahkakoop: Born under the stars
Gauerdian: born at midnight
Eguerditikaurrera: born at noon
Baso: Born in a Forest
Neguan: Born while snowing
Euria: Born while raining
Haizetsuena: Born while wind blows
Pradera: Born in a meadow
Korapilo: born in a grove
Zikinkeria: Born in a den (common name)
Ibaiaren: born near a river
Korrontea: born near a stream
Udaberrian: born near a hot spring
Udan: born in great heat
Hotza: born in great cold
Uhinak: born near an ocean
Hiria: Born in a city (insult name)
Loreak: born in a field of flowers
Arroka: born in or on rocks/rocky terrain
Basamortuan: born in a desert
Kaktomuakz: Born near a volcano
Aintzira: born near a lake
Urmael: born near a pond
Arroila: born in/near a canyon
Ilargia: born under a full moon

That's right I'm open for story requests. I want to improve my writing a little bit more before I officially start working on my novel so to do that I'm letting you, my watchers, request stories that you want me to write for you. See below for the form to fill out in the comments. I'm opening up 10 slots to start with. This can be almost anything. It can be coming up with a religion, or culture for a character, just a biography. A simple description for art work, ect. Or it can be a fully fledged story.

FA name:
Characters name:
Character species:
Time period: medieval, modern, ect
Substance: (as in what you want it to be written about)
Rating: (g-xxx)
Length: 1-10 pages
Additional comments:
Journal including a link to this one: (help me get my name out there)

Things i will not write about:
sexual gore
scat
m/m
ageplay
rape
if you are unsure just ask

1:  tobiwanz
2:  Dragon287
3:  Armalite
4:  GIGA-XISBASS
5:
6:
7:
8:
9:
10:

That's right the last two journals are just reference material here's the real story.



Zalnduu Amphi's, an in depth look

Compiled from notes by Cartographer and Explorer Tenelly Walkings. During her exploration to the Land of Giants.

I have been living among and studying this fascinating tribe of people for over a decade now. I still don't fully understand their religion or the reasoning behind some of their actions. However, I will document my findings in hopes that others may share in this wonderful culture I have discovered. Below I have compiled some basic findings relating to their culture and habitat. I will be going more in-depth into the culture and religion in my second paper.

Kingdom: Animalia

Phylum: Chordata

Class: Mammalia

Order: Carnivora

Family: Amphicyonidae

Sub family: Amphicyonidae

Genus: Amphicyon

Species: Amphicyon Inges

Common name: Bear-Dog

Tribe: Zalnduu.

Average height: 9-14 feet

Average weight: 1000-2000lbs

Language:
Primary: Basque

Secondary: Latin




Day one
Amphicyons are in general rather large creatures. Their muscles are usually naturally defined from a highly nomadic life style. The Zalnduu people constantly roam the lands and can be found in a variety of places. These will be listed below. When an amphicyon has reached the age of six or seven they are usually Sheppard out into the wilderness by their parents. Here they are left to fend for themselves and make their own path in life. Be that the rode of a Hunter, Warrior, Shaman, Seer, or Channeler. Under rare circumstances the children are marked with an X and are left in the wilderness at three. See Religion description for more information.

Once an Amphi is left on its own they will generally seek out the nearest fox or badger Den and evict the tenants. Thus converting the den into a living space for them instead. The time frame that the individual will say here varies on climate, food availability, and other such things. Amphicyons are naturally Solitary creatures. They only really get together again during mating season or during a specific ritual. However, it is not uncommon to see an Amphi connect closely with a tight knit group of three to five people. Either their own kind or other species.

Males and females display a bit of gender dismorphia. Males are usually taller, and stronger than females. This is so they can compete with one another for the rite to mate, and over territory. The territory of an Amphicyon can vary between something as modest as a watering hole to an expanse of 250 square miles. The size of their territory Depends once again on food availability. If food is plentiful they will usually have smaller territories. If food is scare they will have larger ones. Contest of territory only happens between males or in the case of a Rival invading a pride.

Prides of Amphicyons are defined as one amphicyon and their mate. This will grow with the addition of children, friends, and immediate family. If an Amphicyon is found with a group of humans it's still considered a pride. At least by their cultural standards. Invading individuals who are not part of the immediate family or close knit group are treated with hostility and are often chassed off or killed. An Amphicyon with an X on their chest is killed on sight regardless if the other Amphicyon is family or not.

Day nine
Every adult amphicyon has been found with long hair and will absolutely refuse to cut it. Even getting angry when prompted. This will be gone into further detail later. Amphicyons that are found with their hair cut are also always found with an X marking on their body.

Amphicyons tend to mate for live. Both in sexual and social monogamy. They exchange these large gemstones as a token much like a wedding ring. Where they store these gems is something that has escaped me. Where ever they keep them it has thwarted every one of my search attempts. They call these gems Heartstones.

Day 20
Throughout my study I have witness many different fights between two Amphicyon especially the males who seem to be the most violent. Before each fight they complete a rather complex ritual and paint their bodies with a red paste like dye. These fights usually end when one party cannot continue. Usually they are knocked out of something of the sort. In this bout nothing happens after wards other then the defeated leaving the area. However, on the rare occasion that one party is badly injured, Wither mortally or to a disabling extent. The fight stops immediately. The defeated cuts their hair and marks themselves with an X. Once this is completed they are killed.

The Zalnduu have given me a tribal name as well. They'll call me Tenelly Hiria or just Hiria itself. Though every time I introduce myself as such the young ones especially giggle at me. It seems to be a bit of a joke name or some kind of coy Insult of some kind. I believe it means Born in the City but I'm not sure. Either way I don't understand why it's insulting. Perhaps it has to do with their connection to nature, and the disconnect that we, sophisticated and civilized creatures, are heir to in our city lives. I'll delve a little deeper into this later, since it isn't of great consequence. They could call me mud so long as it means I don't get eaten and can study them.

Day 40
Their religion fascinates me. It is possibly one of the harshest belief systems I have ever seen. This includes the belief held by the Lunadra or even the Quichen Anunaki. It seems that literally everything they do is in service to these spirits. From what I can gather, it is a polytheistic religion with many different gods or, spirits, as they call them. Each god controls some aspect of their life. And each god demands a sacrifice. The frequencies of these sacrifices vary though.

Oddly the five gods that are sacrificed to the most seem to be in the lowest tier of this hierarchy. Those would be Ametsa, god of dreams, Ibaiaren, god of the river and water, Sua, god of fire, Lurra, god of the earth, and Arnasa, god of breath. These are the ones that demand daily sacrifice or so I'm told. Fire seems to be the only one they have to think of and I'm told that simply smoking tobacco with a few herbs in it is all the sacrifice it needs.

However there are two others that are often praised daily but I've been assured that it's only from necessity. Ehiza, god of the hunt, and Izaki, god of the animals are these two. However I'm told that when one of these people is fasting or pregnant they do not praise these gods.

The war god, Gerra, the blood god, Odoletan, and the god of battle, Borrokatzea, seem to be held in the highest regard and also demand the most from these people. Borrokatzea demands flesh in every battle. Usually skin. If he is not given sacrifice then the amphicyon will literally rip off a piece of skin for him. It's a rather gruesome sight to behold. I almost got sick the first time I saw it. The same goes for blood. They give their blood usually by pricking a finger, or killing a foe, to offer it to them. But in extreme cases where their god is displeased for whatever reason they will drain quite a bit of blood to appease her.

It seems like no matter what you do in this religion you will trip over another spirit. The Zalnduu people certainly do at least. Sometimes I wonder if this religion is the reason for such little cultural or technological advancement. It seems living a more savage lifestyle actually makes the tributes easier. I did try to introduce them to the monotheistic god that I grew up with but they just laughed and refused to praise such a "Lenient and powerless god" In their words. All of my attempts to convince them otherwise have been met with the same response.

Day 80
I got permission today to follow one of the Amphi's, in the particular pride I have been studying, on the hunt today and observe her daily habits. I couldn't sleep last night I was so excited, and I'm glad didn't the rituals started at dawn. Sanuye, the Amphi I had been given permission to study, woke up at the crack of dawn and immediately started to practice her religion. She walked outside to the brook near her den and knelt down to say a prayer over it before she took a drink. Then she went back inside and adorned herself with dyed designs across her fur. I was told what hey y mean but I will get to that later.

Only once she had finished marking herself did she dress herself and allow me to talk to her. She said nothing of real importance other than some arbitrary rules to obey while she hunted and things like that. Once we were on the hunt however things got interesting. Even though we had spotted a rhino, their favorite food source, she spent an entire ten minutes praying to the god of animals before she even went after the thing. I was afraid it was going to get away honestly. The hunt itself was spectacular in a gruesome way. Sanuye slammed into the thing with her shoulder. I have no idea how fast she was moving but she hit it like a wrecking ball. Once she knocked over the rhino she ripped it's throat out with a clean swipe of her paw. Though out this eniter ordeal she made almost no noise. Later she informed me that while charging she had to mouth the words to a ritual to once again appease the god of animals.

When the thing was dead my large friend sat down and started the same ritual as before over again. It took another ten minutes before she touched her prey. Next she dragged the thing back to the den to eat it. Or so I thought. She skinned the animal and set the hide aside for later Presumable to make clothing and things and started yet another ritual. This time it was to the god of the hunt. Sanuye told me she had to offer her a bone from her kill before she ate. I believe she chose a vertebrae, she also informed me that which bone she offered didn't matter.

At this point I didn't have too high hopes for actually seeing any of the food within the next decade if things continued at this rate. She hadn't even lit a fire to start cooking the thing. It turns out that she wasn't going to light a fire at all. She just started into it eating it raw. At first it was disgusting, but I hadn't eaten in a day or so and my stomach got the better of me. I reached out to grab a bite to eat, "try everything once" my mother said, and I almost lost my hand. Sanuye snapped at me and let lose a threatening growl. I had broken some taboo apparently even though I was unaware of doing so. She informed me that I would eat when she was done. If I didn't like it I could go kill my own.

I suppose that's fair, but what she left me with was somewhat sad. Filling and more than enough to satiate my hunger but compared to what the carcass had started out as it was barely scraps. Sanuye ate 85 percent of her kill. For my meal I was forced to scrape what I could off the ribs and snag a little bit from the legs and flank. She did offer me the brain but there is only so much I can take so I declined. When we finished out meal Sanuye took me out to perform another ritual. This was one to the god of nature she informed me. Keeping the long bones of the limbs to herself she spread the rest of the bones out in a large quarter of a mile circle. Scattering them here and there this was to "Make sure the scavengers don't go hungry" she said.

Once we returned to her den I finally made some headway on parts of her culture. And some of the quirks that they had. I was rather glad for this actually since the question of why this woman had 16 feet of hair had been burning in my mind since the first time I saw these people. I must say I was rather shocked at the answer she gave. In her own words, translated of course, "We grow out our hair because the god of life demands that we do so. Our hair is our life line and is sacred. The act of cutting one's hair is considered an insult to life and a form of suicide. Even if it is only an inch. When your hair is cut your Heartstone turns black"

I have no idea what Heartstones are other than speculation, but the gravity of a looser in a fight cutting their hair finally hit me. It was the equivalent of chopping off an arm or a leg to these people. Thinking back to the fight where the looser had cut his hair and marked himself with an X I inquired more into the symbolism behind it.

Day 88
The X in specific was a mark of death. It was painted on what they called Disgraced Ones. Those who have broken the laws of their religion, or the equivalent. She told me that those marked with an X are to be killed on sight. You don't need to know why, you don't need to know how they got their X just kill them. Sanuye likened these disgraced ones almost to walking death. They were supposedly soulless, emotionless, lifeless, shells of the Zalnduu people. She spoke of them with fear, loathing, sadness, and disgust in her voice. The best I can understand it you put the Amphi out of their misery.

However, there is one and only one circumstance where the marking of an X for cutting your hair is not required. This is apparently a barging with Battle. The looser will cut their hair and give it to the victor. In essence giving them their life. If the victor chooses they can keep the defeated one alive as their slave and even give them a chance to earn their hair back and with it their freedom. Though I'm not sure how that works. However, if an Amphi that is not the victor even glimpses this defeated Amphi the general rules of kill on sight apply.

Day 105
Sanuye went on to tell me that the length of the hair displayed that particular individuals age. She tried explain to me how but I just couldn’t' grasp the complexity of it. The gist is that if your hair drags on the ground you are an adult. If not you are a child. She went on to tell me a legend about a 300 year old Amphicyon that had 150 feet of hair. I suppose that your hair is half as long as your age. But it seemed to not be exactly accurate.

As we continued to talk about her ways of life I discovered that each individual has a specific, or maybe just a small number, of gods that they pay extra attention too. For those who praised battle for example, it was common to see them praise war and blood since they went hand in hand. Whereas someone who praises mountain usually does not praise many others.

She tried to tell me about how their patronage sacrifices differed from the everyday ones. And I only really understood half of it. According to her when one pays sacrifice to a patron god they I've up a major part of their body. For example sight which was common, smell, hearing, tough, or things. However it was not uncommon to offer things like a skeleton, or organs too. She assured me that they were replaced by these spirits and augmented. But I think it was just a metaphor. Amphi's insist that this give, take, replace, process physically happens though. I'm still not convinced.

Day 115
One interesting feature about their physicality though is a thing that they refer to as "The Ancient Eye." From what I understand it's an intimidation power. It's akin to looking in to the eyes of a shark or crocodile. In the sense that it give s you an uneasy feeling. However, it's a bit more intensified. I've seen Amphi's use it to freeze their prey in place and almost hypnotize it. It's only really effective on smaller creatures like rodent's mice, rabbit, and foxes. As well as some of the larger less intelligent larger animals like horses and deer.

It's even less effective against fellow anthro's. I call shenanigans on this one. I had to change my trousers after a demonstration on me. Sanuye said that if I were more of a predator I'd be able to with stand it better but ... still... They don't have much control over this power though and it's a reason that the Zalnduu rarely look someone, even their own kind in the eye.

There are those that seem to have an exponentially more intense gaze then others. Not only that but they are able to control it as well. Turn it off so to speak. Sanuye informed me that to gain this ability one must sacrifice their sight to the gods of battle war and blood. I'm still not totally convinced of the whole swapping vision thing but all of the Amphi's I have met with this intense form do have golden eyes. This boon you could call it does come at a rather interesting price though. An Amphi that has given up their sigh goes blind every time, and for the duration that they use their ancient eye.

I confirmed this using a control group of none golden eyes and golden eyes. When using the ancient eye on a rabbit the non golden eyes pupils would dilate and contract. However the golden eyes pupil's dilated as if it was night time and did not react to light stimuli at all.

Day 180
It has been a few weeks since I last wrote in my journal. But just haven't' found the time I've been learning so many new things. Today I discovered something rather interesting about the tool that they use. Sanuye introduced me to her mate. A warrior apparently and he allowed me to look at his weapon collection. It was like stepping into a different time. Every weapon is made from stone, wood, leather, and sinew. They had not even entered the Bronze Age! I asked them the reasoning behind it and got a rather fascinating answer.

According to the Amphicyons it is forbidden that they smelt or work metal. They said that it would harm nature and be a bastardization of fire to smelt metal. This confirms my thoughts that the reason for the elusiveness of these people and the reason that they are so primal is because of this religion that I call Zalnduu after the people since they are the only practitioners. I make this bold claim because they haven o name for the religion itself other then saying "Munduko dira mundu munduan gaude. Dena dira "We are the world, this is the world, they are everything. I will journal again when I can.

Day 258
My legs are burning. We left the den some time ago and without telling me where we started to walk. It has been a week since I have had any food and I finally got enough time to stop and write this. I don't have much time the water ritual is almost over and we will be headed out again. Sanuye said that we required a new home. I still don't know why.

Day 260
I killed my first animal today. It was just a rabbit but my hunger pains were too great to take it any longer. Sanuye said that she had to stop treating me like a child and would no longer provide food for me. I'm engrossed in their culture now. To best study them I have taken up some of their customs and obey the laws of their people. I will document them as they come up. The most notable now is that I was not allowed in fact id say strictly forbidden to use a weapon to hunt my rabbit dinner. That would be disgraceful.

Day 285
We have finally stopped after walking for what seems like ages. I'm grateful to Sanuye for letting me stay with her. I hunt my own food now and tomorrow they plan to induct me into their religion. In the interest of scientific research I have agreed. I have written up a brief list of the gods, rituals, cultures, and meaning behind things. It is titled simply Zalnduu: The religion of the Amphicyon.
Day 288
My chest is in pain today. Sanuye told me that I had been asleep for an entire day. Fortunately I do remember the ritual of induction. The gods... the spirits ... they took my soul. Harria, the mountain spirit owns it now. He gave me a heart stone in return. Mine is a beautiful Opal. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I'm grateful for his gift and I shall treasure it. For now it rests inside me. It feel like a lump in my chest. Every time I place my hand over my heart I feel it.

I have a new name now... Sanuye calls me Neskatoak, little girl. In her eyes I'm nothing but a child. I have yet to complete my three rites. Tomorrow I shall make myself a name from the river clay.

Dena dira

Day 300
My face is on fire. I was struck by lightning today. Sanuye has let me rest for a while, while I heal. Tomorrow the bandages will come off

Day 301
I officially have a name now. Idazle Hiria. The writer from the city. Appropriate to say the least. I'm not done though. Next I must enter the trial of life. This trial scares me. I wonder if I'll ever make it back home. I feel like I'm losing myself here. Here in the land of giants.

Day 320
My final trial has been completed. I'm not officially a woman. I have given my life to these spirits these gods. As I did something came to my mind. They are not cruel. Their price is high but they are fare. I fell at peace now knowing that and my hair has started to grow. I feel ugly now. This short haircut. How could I have ever thought I was beautiful? I'm disgusting. How dare I shame her like this? I will ask the spirits to help me and beg her for forgiveness. I will offer them my stomach. That should appease them. Bizitza I am sorry please forgive my folly.

Day 325
It was a good day today. The spirits have accepted my gift. I sliced myself open and ripped out my stomach for them. I'm thankful they gave me a new one. Odoletan now rests inside me and seems to enjoy the food that I give her. Bizitza forgave me as well and has given me my hair finally. I feel... whole again. Sanuye has been teaching me how to care for it and braid it for the past five days and I have gotten rather good at it as well. I can't believe I was ever so naive to disobey her. Time is not longer so worry some for me. Things will happen as the spirits will them and I cannot change that. I must cut this short the night has fallen and if I do not sleep Lurra will hurt my back.


Day 370
Sanuye let me have one of the bones of her rhino today. I slipped up and forgot to pay Izaki before I hunted and while I hunted. So my deer escaped. The bone marrow tasted good and was surprisingly nutritious. Why hadn't I eaten bones before? My teeth are not fit for this though. I will give them to Izaki tomorrow. It's a wonder I lived this long with so many birth defects. I just hope that the spirits are kind enough to fix them.

However, I was given a little time to write today since I have been with this pride for over a year. And I thought I should take this time to reflect on what I have learned.

This religion. Zalnduu is the world to my friends and pride-mates. Nothing we do will ever be without purpose. Nothing I see is something the spirits have touched. They have been here for 30 million years. Who am I do defy them? The things that they ask for must be given. If they are not they are taken. Those who cannot hear them those who cannot see them. Those of the city of my disgusting last name. I pity them. How stupid they are.

These people are the kindest, gentlest creatures I have ever known. Sanuye and I have become connected as of recent. I view her as my sister and even as I write this she keeps me warm in these winter months. However, I dare not question her nor oppose her I have seen the ferocity that they can exude. It is unlike anything I have ever seen.

It was beautiful, horrible, brutal, and primal. Sanuye today stumbled upon a group of orcs. Just writing the name of that disgusting species incites rage in me. These orc had the gall... they dared to chop down a large tree. How could they? Did they not know that Izaera had not given them permission? They must have and did it just to spit in her face. I am no warrior nor am I a hunter so I was not allowed d to wage war against them. Battle would not let me. Oh how I wished he would have though. Sanuye took care of it though. She is strong, and beautiful.

She killed them all. Every single one of them. The air around her was thick with the rage of the spirits. Even my stomach and my teeth rattled as she walked into the camp. It was such a joy to see her give the offerings that war and battle demanded. She slaughtered them. Not a single orc was left standing. Not the women, not the children, nothing was left alive. Odoletan was pleased. Sanuye let me make an offering to her, to Odoletan, by drinking some of the orc blood. I'm thankful for that.

These are not people. They are not simply another tribe, an unconquered force, a slave to be held in a pen. They are forces of nature. Unlike anything I have seen. Our direct connection to these spirits have opened my eyes. Everything they do is necessary. If they, for even a day, for sake the spirits, disobey them, or attempt to... Bizitza forbid... destroy the land this world will crumble.

The Disgraced Ones.... they disgust me. How dare they. How dare they cut their hair? How dare they forsake them? I killed one today. It seemed thankful. I laugh writing this. What a grand joke it is. A soulless one feeling something. How silly the walking dead have no emotions. Hah I must have slipped up there for a moment. I almost treated it as a person.

The night approaches and I must sleep. As I reflect on my time spent with these glorious people wonder how I ever thought myself to be happy before. Here I am at peace. Things make sense now. Things are simple.


Day 486
Today is the happiest day of my life. I found one I found an Indocrin and she was so beautiful. Oh how good the spirits are. This Indocrin was on the last of its life and about to give herself to Beltza. However, I managed to catch up to her before her final sacrifice. She blessed me today. The magnificent creature kneeled down and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I sat with her until her life had passed to make the sacrifice easier on her. How lucky she is to be able to see Beltza the final goddess.

I waited for hours letting the life slowly leave her body. Finally she let me take her skin as her soul had finally left her body. I took her hide as well as her thigh and skull. I'm thankful she allowed me to eat from her flesh. She will become a grand tree. Of this I am sure.

When I returned to my sister with my newly found skin she celebrated with me. We danced and sang letting Zerua hear our voices. We offered the backs of our hand to battle, and she let me drink her blood to over to Odoletan. And I let her take my voice and offer it to Zerua who rests in her throat. I feel we are closer now. I find myself falling for her as time goes by. I hope that tomorrow the gods will make me more beautiful and give me a new voice. But if they do not I shall remain ugly. My roar forever silenced. How beautiful Sanuye's is though. Whenever I'm gone for too long I will hear her roar. I can hear it from 100 miles away. Just thinking about it makes me happy.

I can finally have children now.

Day 580
I’m nervous today. I have made myself dress from the skin of the largest rhino I could kill; I have died it lack with the beetle crushing, and have painted myself with spirals in gold paint. Across my crotch sits the skull of a rabbit, my first kill, and under my dress I have pierced myself and placed the golden mating chains around me. All of this I have done without Sanuye's knowledge. I want to surprise her. I'm going to offer her my Heartstone.

Day 581
(Tears have soaked though this page making most of the text illegible.)
Worst.... can't stop crying.... Sanuye rejected my Heartstone..... Ugly.... hate self.... must.... tomorrow.... mark of shame....stupid....

Day 785
The men will no longer come near me. My sister has abandoned me. These lines across my face and chest. The triple diagonal lines... They are burned into my very being now. These horrible, horrible lines. How could I have been so foolish? How could I have been so stupid? My sister, my pride, my family. They have left me here to die now. All because of a mistake I made. I offered my Heartstone to Sanuye. I wished to be with her forever. But she rejected me. Her eyes.... those beautiful eyes... and her hair, her roar... the color of her fur. Why did I think I had a chance with such a beautiful girl? My blue pink eyes snow princess is gone forever. For my stupidity Borrokatzea took my left arm. I will not get a new arm.

Ehiza is not pleased either since I cannot longer hunt without the assistance of a tool. All of my meals taste like sand.

I shall go home. Back to the city where I was born. Perhaps there I will find some comfort. Perhaps on the way I can find Sanuye's dead daughter. I must put her out of her misery at least. As one final act of thanks. I believe her name is Volvoretta....

Day 800
Fools. Disgusting fools. These people that know nothing of the world hurry about as if it is about to end. This city smells. It smells like fecal matter, rot, coal, and the stench of these soulless people. My once friend bill give me a strange look as I write this. He see's my hair, my stump, my clothing, my teeth. He must think me strange. Crazy. It is him who is crazy. Foolish little man. How ugly he is.

Day 801
I heard a rumor today. Some woman... Blume I think her name is of the Silverblade clan captured one of us. She captured a Zalnduu. I must see her. I must talk to her. I must find some on in this hostile city who understands. Who knows what it is to live. I hope she has the eyes.... I miss the eyes. I have given this journal to my publishers in hopes that someone see's it. Someone who can tell me where my sister is.

If they have taught you to read this language please my sister find me. I must see you.

Here are the names of the spirits in the Zalnduu and Grutroot religion. This is an addition to http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3754414/



Zalnduu... Grutroot
Battle: Borrokatzea... Cath
Hunting: Ehiza... Fiach
War: Gerra ... Cogadh
Death: Beltza... Bás
Life: Bizitza ... Saol
Breath: Arnasa... Anáil
Nature: Izaera... Nádúr
Animal: Izaki... Ainmhithe
Blood: Odoletan... Fola
River: Ibaiaren... Abhainn
Snow: Elurra... Sneachta
Storm: Ekaitz... Aimsir
Mountain: Harria... Sliabh
Earth: Lurra... Domhan
Ocean: Bazterren... Farraige
Dream: Ametsa... Aisling
Sky: Zerua... Spéir
Fire: Sua... Tine

This is a detailed break down of the Amphicyon Mythos and their belief structure.


Zalnduu:
The religion of the Amphicyon


Retta and the Amphicyons regard their religion as part of themselves. Everything they do is usually in service of or for one of their gods or spirits. I will be going over these below.
First I shall go over the spirits and what kinds of things they demand as a sacrifice. And what happens when you refuse.

The Spirits
Battle: battle demands gifts of flesh or sight. You must offer the flesh of yourself or your slain enemies to appease it. Sight is also acceptable. Failure to give tribute means your skin is stripped from your body and kept.
Hunting: Hunting demands bones. One bone of every kill must be offered if it is your food. Failure to do so means you become hunted
War: War demands bodies. The more the better. The more horribly mutilated the better. Failure to do so makes you insane. A war in your mind.
Death: Death only asks for one thing and takes it when your life ends. You cannot fail this sacrifice
Life: Life demands your life in service to it and the rest of the spirits. Life is shown though the hair. Cutting your hair, or failing to sacrifice means you are walking dead and must be destroyed. The next Amphi that see's you will kill you. You are not allowed to fight back. You may gain your hair back if you life has been given to another.
Breath: Breath demands the air in your lungs. Every time you breath out you pray to it. Failure to do so and your breath will be stolen away, and your lungs ripped out.
Nature: Nature demands your service. You are the keeper of nature. Do not harm it. Causing harm will strip you of your connection to nature forever and you shall never hear wind, water, or birds singing.
Animal: Animal demands a prayer before the hunt, after the hunt, and during the hunt. Failure to do so leads to starvation
Blood: Blood demands blood. Yours or someone else. Failure to do so means your blood will be drained.
River: River demands your water. If not given tribute multiple times a day you will go thirsty. You give her tribute by drinking water and saying a prayer of over it. Failure to do so will cause you to dry up as a corpse.
Snow: Snow demands Scent and cold. You must never cover yourself when in a cold environment to let snow hug you. Failure to do so will cause you to freeze to death
Storm: Storm demands praise and your name. Failure to do so marks you for death and strips your of your mind.
Mountain: Mountain demands your soul. Failure to give your should turns you into a soulless creature and marks you for death
Earth: Earth demands your feet. You must sleep on the ground. Failure to do so will cause earthquakes and back cramps
Ocean: Ocean demands your Tears. Failure to grant them when sad will leave you an emotionless shell
Dream: Dream demands your dreams. Failure to dream results in you never waking up
Sky: Sky demands your voice. Failure to roar and sing brings eternal Darkness to your world.
Fire: Fire demands your body heat. You must light a fire and sprinkle herbs on it to invoke him. Failure to do so once a day causes you to burn to death.

Rituals:
These are the mandatory rituals that Amphicyons must perform.
The Three Trails of maturity:
To be granted permission to be an adult by the spirits an Amphi must go through three trials.
Trial of the soul: This happens when the Amphi is born. Their soul is offered to Mountain. In return they are given their Heartstone in the stone of their birth. The new born Amphi will become soulless and marked for death if the parents do not perform this ritual.
Trail of life: An Amphi offers their live in service to the spirits and to life herself. They are given healthy hair and are never allowed to cut it
Trail of the name: A clay mask is made by the mother or father of what the name of the Amphi shall be. They are then taken to the place of their birth and struck by lightning from Storm. Their name is branded upon their face or back in rare cases. All Amphi's branded on the back are named Tzatch The sound of lightning. They are only given this name if they are born when lighting hits the ground.

Ritual of battle:
Before a battle An Amphi must sit and meditate to commune with Battle. Battle will direct the Amphi to victory and tell them how much flesh they demand. The amount varies
Ritual of war:
Before a war an Amphi must commune with Battle, Blood, and War. They will be instructed how to kill, how much blood must be spilled, how much flesh must be offered, and how many bodies must be given. An Amphi will not stop until they have filled their quota. Symbols will be drawn on the Amphi's body using red and white paint to denote this number.
Ritual of mating:
Amphi's must dress in popper mating chains. These can be handed down by the mother, or father respectively, or made by oneself. Their bodies are painted with gold dye, and a Prayer must be given to life and blood.
Ritual of death:
Upon the end of an Amphi's life they shall leave their possessions in their den and start to wander across the land. They will not hunt, they will not drink, they will not stop until they reach the spot chosen by death and they will die there. Any family they may have shall rejoice in the Amphi's final sacrifice. Their Heartstone turns black and shatters.
Ritual of birth:
An expectant mother must give prayer and tribute to blood daily to keep her baby healthy. She shall Praise life once a week and must wear a dress made from Indocrin skin at all times. Her body shall be painted with red, silver, and black dye. This dye is permanent and will forever stain her fur. The Amphi's family shall rejoice and take care of the mother in this time. If separated the Amphi's family will make the trek back to see the new child. The Father must hunt for the mother. He will not eat during this time as tribute.
Ritual of marriage:
In this ritual the two Amphi's exchange their Heartstones. This is a symbol of love and trust as they trust the other with their very soul and essence. Same sex Marriage is not discriminated against. The stones are to be kept inside for ever or until given back to the original owner. Having your Heartstone given back is a disgrace.
Ritual of the Beast:
When an Amphi matures they will search out the skin and bone of an Indocrin that has died naturally. This skin and bone is kept with them at all times and is considered to be a sacred item. Usually the skull is kept somewhere on their person as well. Amphi's may not have children unless they possess this skin.

Gifts And Sacrifice
To connect further with the spirits Amphi's often sacrifice parts of themselves. Usually this is in the form of one of their five senses But sometimes other things are given. (their skeleton, muscle, flesh, organs, ect.) When they do this they allow the spirits to feel and interact with the world. Since this is their only way to do so. In return for this offering the spirit will give the Amphi something back and usually augmented from the original. However, this comes at a large price. The Amphi is now bound to every desire of that specific Spirit. Failure to obey that spirit results in the spirit taking back what it wave the Amphi. In this case the Amphi does not regain their original sacrifice back. For example: Sight is given to Battle. In exchange battle gives the Amphi better night vision, more control over their ancient eye, and clearer vision. Then the Amphi forsakes the battle ritual and offering of flesh. The Amphi is then left with empty sockets for eyes and the offering of flesh is taken from their own body.

Only a very few Amphi's do not offer something like this to a specific spirit. It's not mandatory but is highly encouraged even if it's very risky. In rare cases the Spirit will decline to give something in return and just keep the offering. This is their right and the Amphi does not complain about it when it happens. An Amphi's will never offer anything to Death. Death does not give anything in return. Some sacrifices are Mandatory for the Amphi to live. See Rituals.

Heartstones
These are the crystallized forms of an Amphi's so as given to them by Mountain. The stone itself will be whatever their birth stone is. See below for a list. Heartstones are sacred and are only given away under extreme conditions or when an Amphi mates. (see marriage ritual). Heartstones are kept inside of the Amphi at all times. If an Amphi needs access to it they can cough it up at any time they please. They do this by literally coughing it out of their mouth. If a Heartstone is ever Shattered the Amphi dies. To help keep tabs on their family Soulstones are often given out to children from the mother and father and traded between siblings. (see below for Soulstones) Heartstones are the size of an Amphi's fist
Soulstones:
Soul stones are small round stones that reflect the Amphi's Heartstone. The size of them varies but most are the size of a human fist.

List of birth stones:
January Birthstone
January Gemstone: Garnet
January Birthstone Color: Deep Red
February Birthstone
February Gemstone: Amethyst
February Birthstone Color: Purple
March Birthstone
March Gemstone: Aquamarine, Bloodstone
March Birthstone Color: Pale Blue
April Birthstone
April Gemstone: Diamond
April Birthstone Color: White, Clear
May Birthstone
May Gemstone: Emerald
May Birthstone Color: Green
June Birthstone
June Gemstone: Pearl, Moonstone, Alexandrite
June Birthstone Color: White or Purple
July Birthstone
July Gemstone: Ruby
July Birthstone Color: Red
August Birthstone
August Gemstone: Peridot, Sardonyx
August Birthstone Color: Pale Green
September Birthstone
September Gemstone: Sapphire
September Birthstone Color: Deep Blue
October Birthstone
October Gemstone: Opal, Pink Tourmaline
October Birthstone Color: Multi-color, Pink
November Birthstone
November Gemstone: Citrine, Yellow Topaz
November Birthstone Color: Yellow
December Birthstone
December Gemstone: Blue Topaz, Turquoise
December Birthstone Color: Blue



Names:
Names are very important to the Amphi's. After all it is branded on them. In most cases the Parents chose the first name of their children. This is usually based on a quirk that they have, Something they enjoy doing, Or just something pretty. This name isn't used until the child is two or three usually. This is also when they go though the Trial of the Name. In rare cases the name of a child is determined the second they are born. Below is a list of these rare names and what they mean. The last name of an Amphi is where they were born. Obomsawin, For example means "On a mountain". Retta's mother, Angwusonomataqa, Was born in a field of corn. Volvoretta's name, Volvoretta Obomsawin, means "Butterfly Born on a Mountain", her mother, Sanuye Angwusonomataqa, means "Snow Princess Born in a Field of Corn." Amphi's do not have middle names. In cases where two or more last names over lap the parents chose one or combine them. Example: Beltza Ahtahkakoopgauerdianbaso. "All black child born in a forest at midnight under the stars"

First Names that are given at birth:
Tzatch: Born as lightning strikes the ground outside. Those with this name become Shamans and seers.
Heriotza: Born as their mother died. Those with this name are shunned and often do not reach maturity.
Tximistaren: Born in a winter thunderstorm. Those born with this name become great warriors
Kaktall: Born as thunder claps. Those born with this name are praised for their roar.
Odola: Their mother did not bleed in birth. Sought out as mates for good genes.
Sanuye: Born with white fur and named after the spirit of Snow. (albinos)
Beltza: All black. Black eyes, fur, hair. Named after the Spirit of Death
Urrezko Begi: Born with golden eyes (1 in 10,000 chance). Not to be confused with the golden eyes granted after sacrifice. Those born with this are channelers. (one of four Amphi names that include a middle name)
Zilarrezko Begi: born with Silver eyes (one in 5000 chance) . Those born with this are Seers (one of four Amphi names that include a middle name)
Bakoitiak Begi: Heterochromia. These are the most beautiful Amphi's there are. (one of four Amphi names that include a middle name)
Konbinatuak Arima: Hermaphrodites. (one of four Amphi names that include a middle name)
Urakanak: born during a tornado or hurricane. Generally wild Childs
Sua: born during a forest fire. Named after the spirit of fire. Are always good hunters


Last names:
Obomsawin: Born on a mountain
Angwusonomataqa: Born in a Corn field
Ahtahkakoop: Born under the stars
Gauerdian: born at midnight
Eguerditikaurrera: born at noon
Baso: Born in a Forest
Neguan: Born while snowing
Euria: Born while raining
Haizetsuena: Born while wind blows
Pradera: Born in a meadow
Korapilo: born in a grove
Zikinkeria: Born in a den (common name)
Ibaiaren: born near a river
Korrontea: born near a stream
Udaberrian: born near a hot spring
Udan: born in great heat
Hotza: born in great cold
Uhinak: born near an ocean
Hiria: Born in a city (insult name)
Loreak: born in a field of flowers
Arroka: born in or on rocks/rocky terrain
Basamortuan: born in a desert
Kaktomuakz: Born near a volcano
Aintzira: born near a lake
Urmael: born near a pond
Arroila: born in/near a canyon
Ilargia: born under a full moon


Herbal mixes
Smoke leaf: Combination of tobacco, thyme, and rosemary
Spirit powder: sage, belladonna, Indian paintbrush, columbine, and wolfsbane

Dyes and stain symbols
Spiral: Fluidity
Square spiral: Strength
Circle: Awareness
Handprint: honor
Band: Service
Double band: Respect
Triple band: Love
Eye line: Beauty and trust
Long line: Dedication
Short line: Trust
Spots: Binding/bound
Crescent: Life
Thorn: Courage
V: Determination
X: Marked for death.
Triple Diagonal lines: disgrace
Triple Vertical line: Murderer
Claw mark: Huntress/hunter
Arrow: Warrior
Third eye: Seer
Flame: shaman
Infinity sign: Soulless
Sideways six: Lifeless
Circle with a dot: Newborn
Chain/double helix: Slave
Upside down Triangle: Mother
Right side up Triangle: Father
Circle in a circle: mated
Circle within a Circle and a slash though the inner circle: Divorced

Sacred Beasts
There is a group of Animals that the Amphicyon consider sacred. They are Considered the walking vessels of the spirits and are never hunted, nor ever killed. These are the Indocrins. They are 30 feet tall, 40 feet long, Giant rhino like creatures that weigh between 20 and 50 tons. If an Amphi sees one being hunted by humans or other things they are compelled to defend the beast with their life. Taking the life of an Indocrin is the most egregious crime an Amphi can commit. If they commit this crime they will kill themselves on the spot. If an Amphi kills itself they will not go to the afterlife

Afterlife
Amphicyons believe that when you die your spirit if deemed worth becomes a star in the sky. To gain this honor you must adhere to all of the Tenants and rituals of Zalnduu, have children, mate, and have achieve the peak of your ability in your given profession. If you have not completed these tasks then you will become a blade of grass.

Classes:
All Amphicyons hunt for their own food unless pregnant

Shaman: Weavers of nature and conjurers of spirits. They have the ability to manifest the Spirits into the physical plane. Must have the proper first name to be one. Dangerous in fights and will weave other's souls and Heartstones if asked by the spirits. Usually have a single patron that they give their entire body (with the exception of life and mountain, and storm) too. (Effect status in fights, stamina, strength, ect) Only bound by their chosen Spirit

Seer: Fortune tellers. They pass on the religion to the next generation and can divine people fortunes. Do not fight. Are not bound by Battle nor War. Must have proper first name

Channeler: Spirit Speakers. They Constantly let the spirits Speak though them and have no control over their own voice. They weave spells and use them in battle. Must have proper first name. Ranged Class

Hunter: At home in the forest and nearly every Terrain they specialize in large, or hard to take down prey. They are the fastest of the classes. They are NOT allowed to use weapons except in war. Only then are they allowed a spear.

Warrior: Well balanced and fantastic fighters. They are skilled with shields, axes, and hammers. They are the strongest of all the classes

Disgraced ones: No magical ability, no weapon ability, no great hunting skill. This is a class comprised of those who have forgone their tenants, broken pledges to spirits, have no souls, no emotions, or no live. These are marked for death and bare an X on their chest, face, and arms. If seen by another Amphi they will be killed on sight.

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