Are even better, because  rabbitfangs says so and who am I to argue?

Though never fear, I still love my darling kitty best of all!

Damn they're sexy.

Almost as much as does.

...

Yeah, ah, just bumping my last entry down a bit is all...

I've been neglecting everyone lately, and I'm really sorry about that. I've been wrapped up in various personal and family problems, most of which I'd really rather not discuss. It's nothing big, or anything that anyone should worry unduly about, though. As the song goes, it's life and life only. I'll get it together in February, though.

Eliki - I'll get back to you on the CD this week, I promise, and I'm really sorry it has taken me this long. If I don't, you have permission to take revenge however you see fit. I have listened to it, it's just a matter of finding enough time to actually sit down and write something halfway intelligent. I owe you a reply on that long e-mail you sent how many months ago now, too.

I need to get back to writing, too. I'm halfway through with another short story featuring Miss Deirdre and I need to get that polished up so I can post it. I wanted to post it at the same time I posted the latest picture of her, but that didn't work out. I'm not promising it's any good, but I kind of had fun with it.

Apparently someone saw fit to send  eliki a message to the effect that if he messed things up with me, they'd break his legs.

I don't know who sent the message, or what their intention was, so I'm just going to put this out here for the world in general. Whether or not this person meant well, I do not appreciate threats toward Eliki or toward anyone I love and care for, and I find it very upsetting that anyone would say such a thing to him. Eliki and I are both reasonably mature adults and we've known each other for years, so I think we can handle our own affairs. I think our friendship, and our love, is strong enough to handle any problems that might come along.

Also, because it came up, I do love him and I am loyal to him. I don't mind a bit of flirting, especially from friends, but that's as far as anyone else can go. Sorry, guys, but that's just how it has to be.

Every now and then, I consider letting Ciara and Niamh play with other girls besides each other. I admit that part of it is because Niamh has been drawn with a few other girls, and now that I have Megan to be "me", it gives Niamh a certain degree of freedom that she didn't have before.

I've always had it in the back of my mind that their relationship was a somewhat open one. That's why Niamh doesn't particularly mind that Fiachra not only has a crush on Ciara but is pretty open about it. That's why the odd bit of gift art that has shown Niamh with someone other than Ciara hasn't really bothered me, outside of worrying excessively about what certain people might think. But I've always been rather hesitant to say so, lest I give anyone the wrong impression.

If I were to do this I'm afraid I would be very choosy about who could play with my girls. They certainly wouldn't be open to anyone and everyone. If I did this, I would likely stick to non-avatar/fursona* characters except for those belonging to very close friends. I doubt it would happen with any real regularity, either.

If I did it, it would only be open to female characters, too. Sorry, guys.

I admit I'm mostly posting this to get the thoughts and opinions of my friends and those of my watchers who are familiar enough with both of these characters to actually care about them and their story. Without meaning to offend anyone, I doubt most of my 800+ watchers really care too much about what, to them, are just another set of characters out of who knows how many. But anyone is welcome to speak up if they have something they want to say. Even if it's just to tell me I'm a horrible pervert.

*That is, characters like Jess or Cassandra. Characters that someone created but which don't represent them.

My new glasses prescription came in yesterday. My new lenses are something like two or three times as thick as my old ones, so it's no wonder I was having trouble seeing.

Is this submission: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7211791/ (NSFW) not showing up in thumbnails for anyone but me? It loads in fine, but it's invisible on my gallery front page. I've played with changing the submission file, but I can never get FA to recognize that, short of deleting it and uploading it all over again. Which I'd rather not do.

I'm not what you'd call computer savvy, either, so I'm probably missing something incredibly stupid and obvious.

I know I've asked this several times before, but I've got almost 800(!) watchers now, and I'm curious. What was it that got you guys to watch me? When it comes to my commissions, what would you like to see more of? Or less of? I already know some of you would like some more clean art, and I'm planning to get a lot more clean stuff this year than I did last year. I'm hoping, too, to get some more illustrations done from my various stories, including the new story I'm writing around Niamh and Ciara. Which is something I hope to have finished and out by this summer. She said with undue optimism.

So let me know, and thank you all for your interest, and all your favorites and comments as well. I'm not sure how a little nobody like me got so many people interested in watching, but I really do appreciate it!

I went for my first eye exam in four years. The man who examined me expressed a certain amount of shock at how badly my vision has deteriorated since my last check-up. He asked me if my eyes had always been this weak, and there was a marked amount of tongue clucking and fascinated prodding.

I know I'm not nearly so bad off as some, but as this was essentially a repeat performance from four years ago I can't say I'm feeling particular optimistic right now. I'm going to assume I don't have anything really wrong with my eyes. No glaucoma, no cataracts, nothing of that nature. They just seem to get a little worse year by year.

The problem with having friends all around the world is knowing exactly when to post a journal like this. So, being the crude American I am, of course I waited until an hour and a half prior my time. Still, wherever you are, whether it's already the future for you, or you're still stuck back here in the past with me, here's wishing all of you a wonderful 2012! For those of you who have gone out tonight, I hope you stay safe, and for those of you at home, like me, I hope you have a pleasant evening all the same.

To be fair, 2011 wasn't a terrible year for me. I got a fair amount of writing done, and I may have found a way to get my life moving forward again. On top of which, it has definitely ended on a high note thanks to my darling  eliki

But this year has hurt far too many of the people I love in one way or another, so I can't say I'll be sorry to see the back of it. I only hope that 2012 brings everyone a great deal more happiness than this one did.

While I wait for my Christmas Eve dinner to finish cooking, I thought I'd take a minute to wish all of my friends and watchers a joyful holiday season. Whatever holiday you celebrate, or even if you don't celebrate anything at all, may your days be filled with love and happiness and may you be surrounded by those who love you.

As for me, well all I'll say for right now is that today has been a really wonderful day for all the best reasons!

Now, to dinner and *hugs* for those who want one.

One of my stray cats passed away this afternoon. He seemed just fine, then last Sunday he started wheezing and acting like he didn't feel well. Today he could barely catch his breath, so I rushed him to the vet. Unfortunately, he died on the examining table before the vet could even really look at him. I suspect he had pneumonia, or something very like, but the vet was worried about feline leukemia. So I guess I'd better see if I can't get my other two strays in to get checked out. One probably won't be too much trouble. She was obviously someone's pet and she's as affectionate as she can be, if a bit too fond of using me as a jungle gym. The other, another boy, is practically feral. He's tamed down enough that I can pet him when I feed him, and I think I could get him to trust me further in time, but getting him to the vet will be a task and a half.

Red wasn't really a pet. He didn't even have a real name. I just called him Red Cat because he was this little orange tom and, at first, I didn't want to get attached to him in case he had people looking for him. But he lived with me for almost a year and I'd gotten rather fond of him. I'm going to miss having him around the place. Him and his little rusty-door squeak of a meow.

Time to stop being such a sorry little sack of whine. Time to suck it up and deal.

It's coming up on Christmas and a whole new year. Every year, I promise myself, will be better than the last one. Time to see if I can't actually make that happen in 2012. I've got friends who love me, and who love me enough to give me a smack when I'm being stupid. How many people can say they're that lucky? I've got a twin brother who calls me on a semi-regular basis. He bores me to tears sometimes thanks his obsession with video games and general nerdery. (That said, he's got a wife and is active in his community, which puts him two up over me. So there you go.) But he's a decent guy and I'm lucky to have him as family.

So here's to less whining and more causing trouble optimism.

Is love and friendship, and maybe a little hope. Some peace of mind would be swell, too.

Yeah, cliched I know, and sappy as all hell. But this time of year just brings back a whole raft of bad memories that I'd rather not have any more. Nothing devastating. I'm sure there are people reading this who could tell horror stories that make mine look like nothing. But it's still hard.

So that's what's been up with me lately.

Free porn raffle from  zoeyskunk But you'd better hurry! It's closing soon!

Check it out here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2973296/

Stolen from  rabbitfangs

Rules:
You must answer everything truthfully or whoever you got this from can slap you in the face. Unless, y'know, you're good at lying. No embarrassed/laughing/otherwise emoticons allowed! No explaining or elaborating! Just your answer, in as few words as possible!
Also, we know everyone masturbates and everyone has embarrassing designs on their underwear. Don't lie to us. OK, GO GO GO!

What color are your underwear?
Dark blue.

Do they have a design?
In spite of what the creator of this little meme might think about things, no, they don't. My clothes are boring.

Girls, what color is your bra?
I don't own one. Yet.

Is there a design?
An imaginary one.

Are you a virgin?
No, ma'am.

Happy that way?
I'm pretty indifferent about it, really. I wish my first time had been with someone who actually loved me, but that's about it.

What is your favorite sex position?
I haven't had the pleasure often enough to really have a preference. How's that for TMI, kids?

What is your sexuality/sexual orientation/What the fuck do you consider yourself?
That is actually a pretty good question. I tend to bounce back and forth between describing myself as bisexual and describing myself as pansexual. I tend to be vastly more attracted to feminine individuals: women, feminine men, transwomen, and so forth. However, at the end of the day, it's who someone is that I'm attracted to, not what they have between their legs or what their particular identity might be. And yea, this is the short answer.

Do you look at hentai (cartoon porn)?
Not unless furry porn counts.

Real porn?
Sometimes, though I'm pretty picky.

Do you read smutty/porn stories?
Yes and no. For the most part, stories that are just about sex with minimal character development bore me to tears. I want to at least get to know the characters and have some kind of connection with them before they tumble into bed. But stories that actually tell a story and which naturally work their way to sex between characters I care about are a different matter.

Awkwardly worded, but I think you get the point.

Do you read/watch/look at gay porn/hentai/stories?
I'm guilty of enjoying a good deal of lesbian erotica, yes. To the surprise of absolutely no one.

Who was your first kiss with?
Her name was Joan. This was before I found out what she was.

Are they of the opposite sex?
She was a young woman.

Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
I've only been physically intimate with women. Take that as you will.

Is there any one of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
Well yes.

What would you do if you walked in on your partner having sex?
Well, as of this moment I suppose I'm still officially single.

Do you have any piercings other than your ears?
I don't have any piercings period. Sadly, Megan's lovely earrings are just a fancy of mine. Though if I had ears like that, you can bet I'd be tempted to decorate them.

If so, where?
I've got a plate in my arm, if that helps...

Do you have any tattoos?
No, ma'am.

If so, where?
I've thought about getting one on my arm. But I can't think of anything I like well enough to wear it for the rest of my life.

Have you ever been pregnant/got a girl pregnant?
No, ma'am.

Ever done any illegal drugs?
Nope. My last roommate at my undergraduate university offered to score some pot once, but he chickened out because it was only a couple of weeks before Finals. I probably wouldn't have smoked it if he had. It hadn't been that long since I'd quit smoking cigarettes and I didn't want to start them up again.

Have you ever cheated on someone?
No.

Ever been cheated on?
Not that I can prove, but I have my suspicions about the first girl I dated. (This was when I was nineteen, to be clear. I know some of you know my last girlfriend, and however I feel about her now I'm not going to slander her.)

Have you ever been called a whore/slut?
Not to my face. At least not seriously to my face, by someone who really meant it.

Do you own any sex toys?
No, ma'am.

Have you ever had a sexual fantasy involving a relative?
No.

Have you ever masturbated?
Hasn't everyone?

Have you ever taken a naked picture of yourself?
No. I hate how I look, and I hate photographs of myself even more.

Have you ever taken a naked picture of someone else?
No, ma'am.

Are you on any form of birth control(the pill, the patch, etc)?
No, ma'am.

Have you ever written/drawn smut/porn?
I've written a few stories. I'm actually kind of proud of a couple of them.

Do you swear in front of your parents?
Oh yes, a lot more than I do here on FA.

Do they care?
Why would they care? I'm a big girl. Besides, where you do think I learned it?

Are you uncomfortable yet?
My butt's a little numb from sitting here so long, but otherwise I'm doing fine.

Are you taking this quiz of your own free will?
Well, yeah. I don't do memes just because someone will call me a coward if I don't,  rabbitfangs!

Tag some bitches and bug them until they take this!
I don't know any bitches, but I guess if you want to do it you can be my bitch.

Wait, that sounds bad, doesn't it...?

Just bumping the last one down...

... and listening to Meat Loaf. How sad is that?

It was my ex-girlfriend who got me hooked on his music. She was absolutely obsessed with Meat Loaf and Jim Steinman, and she sat me through probably every album the two of them ever produced, together or singly. So every time I listen to anything from them, I think of her. Which hurts. But every time I get depressed, I can't help but listen to them. What that says about my psyche, I couldn't tell you.

I don't usually puke out things about my personal life here on FA. I try to keep things light and cheerful here, at least. But there are times when it all piles up on me, and with Livejournal pretty much dead there's nowhere else for me to put this.

I've got wonderful friends who care about me. I don't always know why, but I do. I think you guys know who you are. Say what you will about the furry fandom, but I've met some of the most remarkable people I've ever known in my life through this fandom. Laugh if you want, but it's true.

I've got someone I love more than I've ever loved anyone else before in my life, and he puts up with me. I'm fucked if I know why, but he does and I only wish I could give him back a fraction of what he gives to me.

I've got another friend who I love as a brother, who I love as dearly as my own flesh and blood twin. Maybe even more.

I look up to both of them a great deal, and I can only tag along behind both of them and wish I was as clever, creative and compassionate as they are. They are worlds beyond me, but they've taken me under their wings and I can't begin to say enough about how grateful I am for that.

I've even got 758 people who watch me and who care, even if only on the most superficial level, what I post and what I do here on FA. Granted, most of may watchers are probably only interested in the porn I commission. I'm not so stuck up to imagine that if my gallery was only filled with my writing and nothing else I'd have even half as many people watching me. My stories are stupid and vapid at best, and where people see talent is just the product of years of training and practice. But these are still my ideas, even if they're realized by someone else's talents. And maybe that's something. Maybe.

None of this makes the slightest bit of sense, I'm sure, and I know I'm going to be as embarrassed as fuck about it in the morning. But there you have it. This is me. Just a sad, pathetic bitch who wishes she was so much more than she is, and who is inexplicably lucky in the bargain.

Apologies in advance for the vulgarity, but I think it's somewhat warranted.

A man just came to my door half an hour ago pushing meat from some kind of company based in Ohio. When I told him no, and asked him to leave he grew hostile and started threatening me with violence. I told him I'd call the police on him, which I have, and he roared out of here in a rage, leaning on the horn of his pickup and flipping me off the whole way.

I've had salepeople continue to push when I've said no before, but I've never had them come to my door at dusk and start calling me a motherfucker and threatening to kick my ass because I wouldn't buy what they were selling. I've never been afraid any of them would come through my door and attack me, either!

Lucky for me, a police officer just came to my door and told me that this jackass and his partner (who I didn't see) had been caught. Turns out they were in this state without a permit to sell, and one of them was over here all the way from Arizona. I honestly don't know what they thought they were doing, or what they'd hoped to achieve, but with luck neither of them should ever darken my door again.

Apparently this idiot decided to get confrontational with the police officer who found him, too. When he spoke to me afterward, the officer said he didn't have any doubt that this guy was a troublemaker, and that he was probably trying to intimidate me into buying. Pity it was too dark for me to read the name of the company stenciled on his pickup so I know where to avoid shopping.

If it hadn't just happened, I'd think this was the biggest bunch of bullshit I ever heard, too. But I'm still kind of shaking as I sit here typing it up!

Hey guys and gals, the  flowergirls group is looking for more watchers, and they're offering a chance to win free art for it from the very talented  foxene You can find out more about it on their journal here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2946925/

And whether you're interested in the contest or not, do go and check the group out. It's a really cute idea, and they've got some really wonderful art in their gallery. I really can't recommend them enough!

The contest goes until January 1st, so don't delay!

For  devilstrill and her very generous offer!

Dear Santa Ming!
For Christmas I wish I could have!

1.) A cute little picture of my girls Niamh and Ciara cuddled up in Christmasy pyjamas. G-rated
Refs: Niamh: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6482197/ Ciara: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6393072/

2. My character Megan getting a hug from my girl Ciara G-rated
Refs: Megan http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6869761/ (ref sheet) Clothing http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6306177/
Ciara: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6393072/

3. My character Megan enjoy Christmas on a beach somewhere. G-rated
Refs: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6869761/ (ref sheet) Clothing: Purple bikini.

4. If I may ask, a picture of my Cassandra with your Bayonette teasing in stockings/legwarmers/etc. Mature to adult rated.
Refs: Cassandra: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5239906/ (front) http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5299525/ (rear)

Thank you,  devilstrill, for your consideration and your kind offer to do art for us!

Forget the ham.

The best part of Thanksgiving dinner are the scalloped oysters.

...If You Don't Go Down With Me!

Man, anyone with any sense would just stay home on Thanksgiving weekend. I had to go up to Cincinnati today, and I thought I'd never get back home. I've got to go back up that way tomorrow to see various aunts and uncles for Thanksgiving, too. Not to mention my newest cousin. She's getting on toward half a year old now and I haven't been to see any of my family since before she was born.

Anyway, here's wishing all of my friends and watchers from the United States a Happy Thanksgiving, and may you spend it in the company of those you love. For those of you outside the US, or who simply don't celebrate Thanksgiving for whatever reason, I hope you'll have a wonderful day, anyway.

Most importantly, stay safe.

Friday was my last day of clinical work.

120 hours.

220 sticks. That's 220 people I've stuck a needle into.

111 successful blood draws.

So, not the best average in the world, but a lot of my patients were rather elderly and a lot of them had small, fragile or rolling veins which made things a bit trickier. Still, sometimes even someone who has been doing this for years can have trouble drawing, and I don't think that's a terrible record for four weeks of work.

Now I get to study my butt off for the state test and hope against hope I can not merely get certified but find a job. But maybe I can stop boring you guys with this stuff for a little while.

Now I just have to figure out why the sunlight burns so much...