Yeah that's what it is I suppose, for lack of a better word. Kind of ironic, or "funny" I guess... the more I try to be useful and helpful, the more trashy, useless, and in the way I feel... especially if or when I ask for anything at all back. No, that's not why I am helpful. I don't help or support just to get back, but, it is a hope that reciprocation would happen, when I need... but irl, it never really does. I'm treated like a bother for needing, for even asking, instead of being more "independent". If I was any more independent I'd be a hermit in the middle of nowhere doing my own farming even, instead of going to the grocery, and stitch my own injuries instead of go to the drs for that.

Lovely state of affairs out there. Lovely folks out in the world. Irl, seems all too common, only growing in number. Still, I help anyway. Exploited for that kindness I suppose. Frankly the more I do, after all this on repeat, less I feel I deserve reciprocation. More evil I feel, for even hoping for it instead of being more independent

Ignoring someone's [be they your friend, family, child, pet, partner] needs [when they are genuinely there for you and your needs], until they stop asking, that is NOT independence, nor teaching them independence, that is neglect. What that teaches is they do not matter, Their voice is irrelevant, Those needs are a burden, and their existence is a bother only to be taken for granted.

If and when you genuinely care about someone, you meet them with honesty, respect, and consistency, with patience.

Sometimes it can look like a friend or family is there to meet you, and at those times it's important to take many moments to verify. If they're switching up, changing what they need or want, then they aren't actually consistently there for you, they are there for themselves, which is called using you. Using you, being used, is not them consistently caring about you.

Seems too many are oblivious to this lesson. Learn it, and be consistent. Abandon those who refuse to learn it or refuse to take notice. One day, they will regret it and genuinely learn the lesson and *then* be consistent

"I'll leave your key to my heart under the mat in case you ever decide to [reach out and] come home."

I'm not worthless. I do alot, and always do, always try. To prove it to myself and to you.

"Service, support, and effort is one of the best love languages. To give of oneself and surrender time, sacrifice personal things for the sake of your partner, there's nothing more valuable, than to give up things for the sake of your partner and real love. Love is sacrifice, love is giving."

ya know what, some people actually are better off dead and out of the world and other people's lives. I honestly believe with 95% of my being, logic, feeling, I'm one of them. Screw it. My tax aid and assistance can go back to the pool to go to some single because she bailed on her man mother with kids and support them. Support folks who actually want their lives, and actually think they are worth something, with something to offer. Better for me to not be here cause all the bullshit, confusion, and pain ends. Better for everyone else I'm not here cause, like I said, they can get the money back that I'm wasting by existing. Plus, no one has to deal with me anymore, good or bad. They're free of me. Might go and cry, but be back later. Might go act on my feels and thoughts and not be back at all. Laters 🫡

Edit:
I'm around, I guess. Can't say I don't beg for an end though... I just press on so no one has to deal with the mess of it being purposeful. Honestly don't know why I'm lingering anymore at this point though, wasting resources trying but still going no where, and considered lesser of for it. I guess Everything is a joke when it comes to the male of the species. Can be dumb, deaf, blind, and/or legit retarded, and then seen as nothing but a burden and a waste; but it's only as a male/man. No matter what you may bring, offer, do, try, etc, any one of those things as a man, and you become a burden very few, if any want to deal with, or be around, let alone stay and grow with. Women and pets, don't get that treatment though. They get genuine compassion and patience anyway, and loyalty(typically throwing it away anyway). Eh whatever. I'm around I guess, and hopeless about a lot of things, until I'm not around by nature's time of choosing... just wasting everything.

If any really wonder why I've a hard time talking to you or reaching out, opening up, it's not just autism. It's difficult cause as a guy, talking about my feelings, I'm 'being needy'. Asking for anything at all, I'm 'demanding'. Talk about mental or physical health, past, any defining moment experiences, I'm 'making excuses'. Talk about things I like/dislike, I'm 'being selfish'. Speak about my dreams, I'm being 'childish and need to grow up'. And if I don't speak, I'm 'anti-social and/or stuck up'. So like... *shrugs*, whats left to talk about. Heck, if I explain myself and about me, why, etc, I'm just 'throwing a pity party and making excuses, bitching'. So what can I do but keep to myself, shut up, and do everything on my own, never opening up or expecting anything

Life is kind of pointless when you don't have a family, a real family, not one that uses you for status, or transactional gains. A Family that loves you and for you, that you love back. Family that fulfills eachother to the utmost degree more than any indulged hobby ever could.

All the money in the world cannot fill that cup. All the items and hobbies in the world, can't fill the cup a genuine family can. Whether I work 40 hours and earn 17k a year or 300k a year, nothing I could buy with either would fill the glass of a mutually loving and supportive family. No amount of luxury or wealth could fill real family. Luxury cars, luxury house, luxury amenities, latest and greatest things to fill time, got nothing on coming home to family who love me for me whether I'm luxury, or normal, or not, who missed me, whom I missed.

Ironically that's called being dependent and needy these days *rolls eyes*, what a world climate... what's the point when you don't have that shit. What's the point to the wealth or just surviving if every day is another hobby and day done in monotony. Anyway... eh whatever.

I guess this stuff is old fashioned and doesn't exist anymore. Every single relationship these days is based on transaction, fake, and wealth it does seem, and old and healthy is needy and dependent, unhealthy. Don't give enough, or earn enough, or are just old fashioned, then theres no benefit and no climbing the ladder like it's a business. *facepalm* shit gets real, or challenging taking about previous benefit, *yeet* bye-bye. Amazing climate, just stellar. Idk why I'm even bitching, won't change anything or one. I want the healthy but nope, mostly gone. Shits fucked. What's the point. A long life, filled with transactions... oh how meaningful, can't wait to kiss my gpu goodnight.

Reality and with some psychological education, shit in the world and relationships these days needs to stop. It needs to stop being taught that everyone needs to be healthy, wealthy, perfect and normal to deserve loving relationships, to deserve care, and to deserve patience through healing. That mentality is an unreasonable and unrealistic expectation. Everyone has baggage, and everyone deserves love and healing, and acceptance for that baggage, be it alot, or a little. The unrealistic expectation of perfection, and rejection for healing or those in healing, or wanting it, can and does actually make it worse. That's what education is teaching me. If you want care and love for the rest of your life, then you also have to give it. Stop teaching and accepting its okay to reject people just cause they have any amount of baggage, little wealth, especially if they want to change and grow as people, and extra especially if they prove that they want it. Bring those expectations back down to earth which isn't perfect, and don't make it messier by being part of the problem fanning the flames, ignoring/rejecting others healing, need for healing, or your very own

Like to think I'm one of the kindest, most honest and patient people. I hate literally no one, and nothing strong enough to call it hate. I'll hold folks, self included, accountable for behavior be it good or bad, and either like or dislike the behavior, but not hate them. Blame the source and behavior, not the person; the actions can be corrected when they need to be, no reason to hate the whole person or expect the person as a whole to adjust everything. The irony is, regardless, I am often vilified and hated as a whole, for things that don't even have anything to do with character, things like money, or appearances, or sexual preferences, or community status, etc.

I guess no matter how good you are there will always be folks who would rather blame you, than hold themselves accountable and examine what's around them or happened in their own life to make them that way; 'immune' and 'perfect, prideful' and 'above growth and change'

Bit of cleaning done. Bit better and clear now. Patient, chill

Americans teach money isn't happiness when young, and as you age into adult the teachings change to suggest money is happiness cause you can purchase whatever you want whenever you want it. Well, I'm going to slam that right now. That is absolutely bullshit and not true. When it comes to material things and money, I'm personally well enough off, sustained, and more often than not, I'm still a sad/depressed soul. Why is that?? Because money and physical materials do not make a happy life, they make a more comfortable life. Yes, comfort can help prevent some misery, but that is not the same thing as happiness.
Surely freedom makes you happy?
Kind of. You certainly notice a lack of when you can't go anywhere only because the bank says you can't afford to. The kicker is, so what? Whether you're trapped at home or have the money to travel, you do so alone. Shallow empty connections are the same as being alone. You can be just as happy at home with quality bonds
So where does happiness and fulfillment come from??
Partly independence, emphasis on partly. The other part, is QUALITY connections. Others Genuine love and acceptance of your best and worst flaws and pleasure of your presence, and vise versa.
So where does that leave money?
Exactly where it belongs. Used to sustain life, not define its value or your own. Beyond bare minimum, it's a luxury commodity. The people who judge another's value based on income or how they can benefit your pocket, piss off, you are just wrong, Scrooge!

I stg vast majority of Americans need to learn this, or wind up being miserable and hollow wondering where they fucked up. Bud, you fucked up when you kept choosing wealth and ease, ease of access, over quality and hard work, confidence from earning your marks yourself and maintaining good connections. Everything in life worth it, takes effort and patience. Immediate gratification means just as Immediate ending, easy come easy go.

stateside friend
"Americans have life backwards. They think love is an optional part of life and who we are, that money and superficial bonds, status, how we look in public are of higher priority. As such most tend to pursue quality jobs or quality pay, and have a certain presentation of themselves they want/like, often putting aside quality connection as optional since we need money to survive, but not connection. Americans tend to forget the value of life isn't in wealth, but in how we spend it with people, and how we treat people."
I'll leave them anonymous, but from observation and personal experience... being stateside myself, I can't disagree with his own opinion and observations. While I'm not as diverse as he is in the travel department, I do pay attention and have online friends from all over the place, and it does seem like those who struggle with relationships and quality connections, maintaining and picking good relationships, are mostly stateside. Everyone's got issues, every place, but it sure do seem like Americans as a majority, have shit backwards. Higher divorce rates, higher rate of suicides, higher rate/chance of relationship difficulties, higher rates of financial and emotional instabilities, than plenty of other developed countries.

Hmmm... the written thought... I do wish I had more confidence. Ik what I bring/offer does have value. But no one really wants it so I kind of question just how much value it really has. If I'm the only one who says it has value, I question whether it truly has value. A dollar is only worth a dollar cause everyone else says that's its worth. Since no one really proves by action that what I offer is valuable and desirable, that means its value isn't actually there. People can say they want it, and say it has value, but then show that it's really not worth much to em.

I have enough confidence to have self respect. Just not enough to put up a wall that doesn't make me question the value. I think 20+ years ago what I bring would've had more value to folks. Now it's just like, nope. Least if I go by how often it gets overlooked, and left. Usually under "well I can just do that stuff myself. Why do I need to be with you to get it?" And my only answer is, "idk. I don't offer much else despite efforts. The point is you don't have to do it yourself. It's how I show love and show up. I take things off your plate so you don't have to do everything. I share responsibility so you have more time to do things you want, enjoy."

That's how I see it. More time to chill. More time to enjoy eachother. Shit like that. Or apparently dumb shit like that. But everyone be like "I'll just do that myself. What else you got?" Like I'm supposed to have millions of dollars, good looks, or whatever, or something. Like, what else is there? That's called effort and valuing you so much I wanna make life easier and comfortable for you. Literally offering my services, time, effort, various kinds of support, and body too cause prey and submissive. That's not enough? What ridiculous standards exist these days? Expecting Disney perfect relationships and results without putting effort and time in? And if it ain't that, then it ain't real? That doesn't make any sense to me

That takes irl physical hat commissions? At some point I would like to have a hat made that's the upper half of my anthro sona self skull. The bill would essentially be the upper mouth and nose, textured appropriately to simulate scales and inner mouth, thinking possibly faux leather 🤔. The top front of the hat would be the eyes, and the back would have 2 6inch horns and 2 8inch horns. Horn material something solid and not easily broken, coated with something to give it proper horn bone feel/texture. It wears like a hat but isn't a traditional billed hat. It actually shaped like my sona head, skull

Was thinking vikings sometimes wore the bones of Animals and skulls on their heads like hats. That's where this idea came from, but it's just wearing the upper half of my sona selfs head instead. As if cut off at the jaw joints, and some kind of elastic adjustable strap to hold it in place

In relationships these days but it ain't old school real and healthy love. I believe in old fashioned love. The wife serves, supports, makes the man feel strong, valued, powerful, but also him safe to be open, and vulnerable emotionally without ever throwing those vulnerabilities back in his face. Hes More than just a wallet and dildo. As for the man, the man should give almost the same, but the masculine version, protection, security, sheltering embrace. The wife isn't just a pussy, but a gem, his queen, vulnerable to him, at his mercy, so dominant, protective, and loving mercy is what he gives. There should be mutual give and take, and a respect that goes deeper than money. A desire to comfort and be there for the best AND worst of times. Should enjoy their company and time above all else. No that doesn't mean only them, it's important to maintain friendships too. But the time of your partner is highest. There should be value in each other deeper than wealth and lust.

For real, idk wtf most are doing these days but it's not that. It's playing games and treating people like toys in a chest or boxed lunches. Have enough of that one and ya throw it away. Oh there's some imperfections on this one, yeet. Just, no. That's not a relationship. This one isn't as shiny as this one, I want shiny. Getting rid of coal so close to being a diamond, unwilling to help eachother and aid in making eachother shine, to chase after someone who looks or seems better but is honestly just clean glass. Hit a bump and run away cause it's easier to hermit or Start again than it is to be patient and get through a momentary challenge with them. That's not a relationship. In old fashioned real, you fight for eachother, not against. You don't throw them away unless there is zero chance they'll change or evidence that they don't want to. That is the only time it's acceptable to walk away. That also demands communication if you have any respect at all for them, and if you don't, then you never cared in the 1st place and are a problem you* need to fix. Don't string em along cause you get something, or just cut them loose to wonder what they did wrong cause that's easier than communicating you're unhappy or there's a problem not getting fixed that needs to be.
"Oh but if they're not perfect they aren't for me". No. That's a bullshit excuse and logic. Perfection does not exist. They can be close, but guess what, a real relationship is a garden and both need to tend to it. That's old fashioned. I believe in that also. Idk about the rest of yall out in the world. You tend to that garden to make it perfect when you both feel they're worthy of that effort. Don't be lazy or a coward and yeet it cause it's not perfect right away.... okay, I'm done ranting. Got a little off there. Yeah, old fashioned real, healthy love, effort, I believe in that shit, and it needs to make a comeback. Too many out there playing making people a fucking mess, and making a mess of your own lives without even knowing it yet. How yall making a mess and not knowing it? Cause down the line, you will* realize way back when, you threw away something good to pursue something better, and by the time you learn that, that person you threw away, hopefully picked themselves up and went and found better, and the effort they deserved, so you're high and dry with nothing but regret for playing the game.

They are indeed tough. Painful and revealing, or just painful and changing, since people can change with the seasons in response to storms. Anyway, Just thinking again. Idk if I've always been this person, or just broken/beaten down to the point I've changed into this person and don't wanna go back cause the turtle shell is safer than a repeat, but, Is what it is ig, idk. Shit happens. It's scary in any kind of relationship(friendships are also relationships) to have another person look up to and count on you, lean on you. Some aren't up for that pressure, or want it with another at a different point in time. I've fallen under that too when questioned about feelings. I don't want to be depended on and to take care of anyone anymore, to be a beacon held to a standard that isnt comfortable. I'm there when shit hits the fan but that's different imo. That's a treat, wanna be a treat, instead of oxygen.

I think I'm the ladder and just beaten down to this. I was fine being a pillar to lean on and a necessary needed part of folks life/lives not long ago, brought smiles to my face and purpose to my experiences and wisdom, felt good. Boywife type things too. Now that just is a straight up no thanks. I'll listen if ppl come to me, but if they need or lean on me for anything more than that, I shut down. And if I notice I'm Starting to lean, I run away and stop myself from feeling, until I'm upright on my own again so I don't depend on anyone either and the standard/expectation is the same mutually.

"If it doesn't scare you, it's not as worth it. If your future isn't scaring you, it isn't a worthwhile future. Be that jobs, relationships, friendships, etc, if it doesn't scare you, then it's not as worthwhile, cause those are the risks that have worth and meaning in taking, they have the most value to you and your character."

Thank you pastor carl and al. A good thing to keep in mind I suppose, whether you're religious, or spiritual, or not. "God loves more a loving atheist than a hateful Christian. God loves more a loving gay, than a hateful straight. God loves more an honest man, than a lying one. See, you cannot live God's will, with any kind of hate or lies or demoralizing pride in your heart. You cannot act his will, while also feeling pride and ego, supremacy, hate towards others and those who oppose you. You can't charity work or hollywood act your way into eternity with him while also being hateful, or toxicly prideful. To hate others is to hate yourself, and to hate God. To lie is to hate, lacking the morality of God to be honest. To be overly prideful is to hate, lacking the humility to empathize with another and admit mistakes."

Not actually religious, but am spiritual personally, and this makes sense whether you use/view God as a person, or a phrase that's a concept of compassion. Hate of others is just a hatred of some aspect of yourself in that person or persons. Must love and respect yourself, in order to fully understand and love others; to feel that goodness inside.

"God sees those who practice homosexuality as sinful."
Alright. So when you say this and you're a guy, who knows you are loved by another guy, who you in turn value, care for, and maybe even have feelings for, what you're really saying is; 'I'm afraid of what I've been told, and I hate myself for who and what I am. I'm homosexual and I'm in the wrong and evil for it. Im afraid to be myself because of it all'.

"Monogamous Heterosexual is what god intended". Uh, yeah no. Love was. Mankind introduced sexual orientation into it, to be manipulative and control the population, pro-reproduction, hatred, fear. If you got a brain, you should use it, free will and gifted intellect exist for a reason, to discern truth from lies and make the choice to not follow bad orders. You 100% should not be with a female just to reproduce. You 100% should not be with someone who you do not love or deep fulfilling connection. You 100% should not make a family when there is no love. And for sure when you gay, you should not be with a woman in any way beyond friendship. You definitely need to be respectful both of yourself in that situation, and respectful towards the woman; they are not there to use as a baby warehouse or property to own just cause some book tells you to. Use your brain, it's why it's there.

So really the only "evil" or "wrong" is betraying yourself, betraying who you are for another's gain(that's called lying to both), betraying another person by lying, being highly disrespectful, and/or being hateful. Anything that truly violates yourself or another's spiritual center; Which you know will be wrong because you will feel a type of guilt that is very corrosive and hard to move on from.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6Ct56PwjWk good lesson, it takes courage to face truth. Especially our truths

Honestly, the more I study religion, the more I both do and dont believe it. I believe in it, when its applied to life and the spirit in all things, as an abstract concept and teacher, to have the utmost quality of emotional life, needs, and care; instead of being taken verbatim. When you think about it analytically it becomes unbelievable beyond the abstract and not really possible to have been conjured up by anything other than mankind... It changes every few decades to reflect the new times suggesting its not some law by an "all powerful being" to be followed to the letter, and not meant to be taken literally, but as a true abstract thought and concept to fulfillment and balance, so the "hippies" honestly had it right. The fact it changes also indicates its completely conjured up by humanity to control people with what THEY think and feel is right or wrong, which is why there are inconsistencies from writer to writer, nation to nation, religion to religion, and conflict around it.

Life on the planet existed for millions of years before the introduction of man and eden, so earth and life, is not something made just for man. Life exists in many forms out on other planets as well, which periodically also experience cataclysms(same as earth did between each era) to prepare for different kinds of life, not just earth. If there is any foundation within written religion beyond just control and the interpreters perception, it is most likely, based around life from other planets, galaxies, star systems, or even dimensions visiting this planet in the spirit of exploration and knowledge to further their understanding; much like humanity does with its technology being shipped off to planets current advances can reach. Further study shows even in the caveman days there was no such thing or concept as religion. As a matter of fact, prior to around 6000BC theres no concept of polytheism or monotheism or religion the way it exists today, not even any concept of spirituality either, just survival mostly. However, there ARE paintings and odd texts from those times, of strange beings visiting the planet, and we all understand now that any extremely scientifically advanced society or species when compared to ours would be indistinguishable from gods and magic; thus any non-abstract concept beyond our understanding(even as it grows today) would be indistinguishable from a god and whatever they're expressing. Anything we could be taught by such a being/beings, would be highly susceptible to interpretation, misinterpretation, and malcontent depending on the recipients and their level of intellectual, emotional, psychological, and spiritual development.

Thus my conclusion all things considered, religion and how it is taught today, is complete bullshit. All current writings of it, bullshit. Its fake and by fellow humanity who wished/wishes to dictate right and wrong, and create cages and dissonance between people because hate and misunderstanding are easier to manipulate and control. Religion as it is written today, is a cage with the illusion of choice and free will existing within it. Everything written within it, out of balance when taken verbatim. The only way it makes any sense whatsoever, is when being taken out of the context it is written and applied as an abstract concept, because we are NOT happy when being told what to do, or when we feel hatred, and we are not happy when we feel trapped or misunderstood, or hated for who we are; but we are happy when we apply the abstract concept of religion to how we live and experience life, and tell manipulators to fuck off. The abstract concept of religion, more appropriately named "spirituality", is the real purpose behind it, not the texts and commands verbatim. Remove all the written commands and replace them with free will, deep personal thought, abstract concept, harmony, and balance, and suddenly, not only does it make more sense, but you are more free and happy than you had ever experienced with seemingly everything going your way on cloud 9, because your deepest needs(not to be confused with wants) are being fulfilled. The true "sins" and violations are not what are per say written since they change as well, but things which violate the spiritual fulfillment; for example, murder. Murder violates spiritual nature, even emotional murder violates nature, which is why when we kill who we are to fit others needs or commands, or kill another the same way, or outright take a life, we feel guilty and split, unable to feel fulfillment completely if at all, ever again. The concept of extreme pride is a sin of the spirit, because extreme pride misguides and violates the spirit into horrible acts and hatred which often violates others for personal vanity or gain. If it makes you feel extreme levels of guilt and doubt, it should be considered a sin, because that is the spirit and concept of harmony and balance, speaking to you that you are violating something you shouldn't. If you love another man as a man yourself or woman as a woman yourself and are fulfilled, but feel guilty about it (most likely) based on what peers say or think, that isn't the/a sin; that is the spirit, love and harmony in yourself saying what you need, and its your WANTS(to please those peers) that are creating the guilt; this also ties into the concept of extreme pride, but from the ones making you feel guilty for who you are, just to satisfy themselves based around success, instead of fulfillment. Verbatim religion is a trap to slap a leash and collar on you and the spirit, follow the concept underneath the verbatim, follow the fulfillment, because that is the truth behind the other lies within religion

Also... pretty song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xm3.....nel=ABBA-Topic and I apologize if it seems any tangent, ill do my best to clear up what I can if asked. Autism brain go bzz sometimes

Education and knowledge is part of evolution to survive and live in a mentally(and physically) healthy manner. Technology is the only thing that evolves, to make life "easier"; knowledge and wisdom are part of evolution to help you survive and be healthy. Never refuse to seek knowledge and education for a better understanding and healthier humble self. The correct path to take, which means effort, is often the harder path BECAUSE it challenges you to new heights and standards. One does not evolve or grow, when they are not challenged; Cells and bacteria/viruses do not evolve to be medication resistant UNTIL, that barrier of the medication, is introduced as something to overcome. "The secret of freedom lies in educating (ourselves), whereas the secret of tyranny is (remaining) ignorant"-Maximilien Rabespierre

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Vv.....l=Dr.DanielFox
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwR5FQPOOd8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEG.....l=Dr.DanielFox
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvO.....rbaraHeffernan this one O_O dang
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu8......PhilPrimetime O_O oh boy... everything, good lord
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ah1.....nel=KennyWeiss
https://youtu.be/0xi49y2cooA?si=ZAp2llvX1AqJusUn

Christianity as high as the Rome branch and Pope, have evolved to while not sanction anything homosexual in terms of marriage, to accept it. As the mind and intellect, understanding of things in motion grows, so too does this change and nature of religion. I did some digging into articles about it and the reason for the change, was a change in thinking and interpretation of the bible and "gods word". The bible and words were written as guidelines to love, forgiveness, and self acceptance. God is divine, and we are in his image, therefore as we are created is how we are meant to be. Meaning to be created with free will, created to love the same gender, opposite gender, or both genders, is how it was intended, and that love is divine as is intended and should be embraced. God is referred to as a he, and since new testament, loves all of his creation, including men. Uh-oh, this causes conflict with old belief, opinion, and interpretation of the texts about pro-life v pro-love. God and Jesus teachings and interpretations are about love. Hate is not a part of it even in old testament when there was wrath, and yet, the hate is present now where some branches refuse to accept this new understanding and go against those chosen by god as his interpreters. If you hate, you are sinning, if you judge, you are sinning. "Thou shalt not judge lest ye be judged in the same manner before god". To hate yourself is a form of judging as well. You are created as you were meant to be, be it big, small, strong, weak, smart, dumb, homo, hetero, bi, or poly. To have hatred and disgust for yourself and your actions because someone with an opinion of themselves that is also self loathsome said it was so, goes against both that love, and that not judging, as well as free will. "Love thy neighbor as you would love thyself", to hate and judge how you were created to be, is to hate and judge those who are around you, and those who are different from you.

I personally, cannot fathom being so self loathsome, that I would take into consideration the words of those who do not practice what they preach and teach who are also loathsome. To be so self loathsome for how I am created that I'd spit on love that fulfills and empowers me, which is divine, and find disgust with my actions when it comes to pursuing that love... Thats just, the exact opposite of any of the actual intent behind the religious teachings.

That mankind is so egotistical to think there is a god, and humanity is his ultimate creation. That the whole world and all in it, was made just for man to use and be prosperous. That every other species is lesser than humanity cause god gave us intelligence and in his image, and not them. So for other cosmos lifeforms that have higher intellect than humanity, they're supreme compared to humans, We're here for them to use, Using our own logic; or theyre not of "gods" creations, yet by Bible words, everything is his creation, including those more intelligent than humans. It's completely flawed on that alone.

I honestly don't believe there is a "god". Everyone is welcome to believe what they wish, but Ill take the nerd and examination side, using that creation of superior intelligence. To me, the concept of a god is man made based on hallucinations or more advanced beings visiting and humanity has passed that down, changing it around to match the needs of society, and their need to control. What you control, you dont need to fear. On top of that, they use it as a way to feel less alone, in an existence they scramble to understand, so it's less scary. As long as there's fear and a lack of understanding, there will be a "god" to justify the stupidity/ignorance, and manipulation of masses.

Yeah... The way more than some take the bible, the tanakh, the quran, etc... Its a bit much that I will never understand. You do you, but yeah, I'll never understand it, especially when you're incredibly intelligent and just, never actually study/question it, its psychology, its history, and societal implications even in history. These texts are the word of "God", and yet, there's many discrepancies between them and even from just one passage to the next per text. Why is that? Well, aside from it being historically established, ever pay attention to how there are new updated versions released every so often? Suffice it to say, these texts are not some benevolent deity's word, but MANS word, and a reflection of the times and needs of that period, mixed with personal bias in favor or against certain aspects of humanity/society. At best, they are mans word as an interpretation of some higher power being/existence.

The bible is the one I studied most and is also I think the most commonly practiced works. You will find a lot contradictions when you take the text as a whole, because its filled with mans word/interpretation, to fit almost any particular situation, and allow for a loving or hateful opinion of that. When you take the 'spiritual' implications of the whole text, it comes down to "treat others how you want to be treated". When you take only certain passages, it becomes very confusing and bigoted, because again, it is trying to reflect the opinion and need of society; it is very easy to take bits and pieces out of context to suit your own narrative. It is written that way on purpose.

The bible was written as a set of rules to protect your given soul... uh, yes, and no. It was written as a set of rules, but not to protect the soul. Its a set of rules/guidelines, to protect not personal and self investment, but control. Its rules to protect control over those who want something divine to believe in as part of society. It has rules that want it to be the center of your universe not because its looking out for your own humility, but because you are easier to manage that way; the less you think, the more you obey. The bible and other religious texts, really should be taken with a grain of salt in my opinion, just because they are NOT divine, and they don't truly represent anything divine. You cannot grow, be divine, or feel anything divine, if you are being lead on a leash, told not to think, and told to not only hate others based on an ever changing text, but also yourself. Those texts like to say "we are made in gods image". That means as you are, imperfections and all, you're who you are meant to be. Those who love the same gender are still in that image. Those who are malevolent are still technically made in that image because "god" is also malevolent and imperfect, making mistakes and being vengeful. What is real about those texts and probably the closest to divine, is the text as a whole when taken with spiritual acuity, that you should try to love everybody including yourself. That doesn't mean go around kissing and having sex with everyone, that means being respectful and compassionate of them as they are, and showing yourself the same respect and compassion

I apologize for any tangents or incomplete seeming thoughts. Was a bit scatter brained for this topic just because theres so much to it. Was able to write a paper about it back in the college days

If you struggle with identity, love, self love... consider this
What are you doing? Why? For whom?Don't burn bridges as you figure yourself, life, and time out. Don't ignore *your* actual needs for real love and real acceptance. You won't get those things unless you accept the real version of yourself, that wounded child version of yourself inside which those it hurts to feel, tells you your real needs. Don't confuse your wants(like approval and conditional love) that involve others, as absolute needs, those are wants. You don't need your parents approval, or anyone else's. You need *your* seal of approval. You need *your* love of self. You need only to value and respect the real you. Wearing a mask and burning bridges trying to love yourself only when in that mask, will bring nothing but emptiness and shallow bonds, because the real needs of the real you, are not being touched. Running from yourself and those needs will only cause you pain and trouble. You'll lose alot more than you gain

It is also acceptance. You are forgiven you know, and worthy of both. You're worthy of chances too, of effort. The real you.