Thoss is something I have made and I would really like your support for it, even if you aren't part of the Dutchie community. Not many of you know that this is has actually occured. Please help me by signing this petition and even if you don't sign, please share this to others. Thank you 💜

https://www.change.org/p/vesrynn-he.....ap_basic_share

One of my best friends is selling some adopts to pay a bill.....Beautiful characters. Check them out if you can <3 They do amazing work


https://www.furaffinity.net/full/27470624/

SoI guess it's time for another update for those interested enough in how I am.

I've started getting professional help for my mental "situation" and been prescribed high doseage medication to ease my mood and symptoms. Sadly like most meds, I've gotten worse before I have shown signs any of improvement. Many of my symptoms have worsened/intensified but ~some~ have lessened thankfully. I should be starting my therapy on Tuesday (which is an assessment), hopefully I'll get the placement. Other than that...I guess all I can say is I'm trying.... But I feel like I'm in stasis. I was briefly in a poly relationship that sadly didn't work out and took a hard toll on me (I won't divulge info on this). I've moved away without my fiancé sadly too back to my own parents home due to abuse from family. 99% of my possessions are  in boxes  with no furniture except for a desk and a bed that I only just got.... But anyway.... I'm going to keep trying to get better. I've lost myself but not my drive and my friends to help.

I have another Dutch angel dragon, Hikari. She is Vesrynn's mate and the newest companion to him along with aspen. I hope to get a ref sheet finished soon. I'm trying to find ways to occupy my time and get back on my feet. I've been doing more song writing. But that's basically all I can think of that's happened I guess.

Baby steps.....

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Snippet from my song: The Twilight Forest

In quiet haze of Twilight trees,
Cascading butterflies fluttering,
A gentle wind is whispering,
The silent song of distant dreams.

In the misty forest of your mind,
Lies a ruined place you kept aside,
Barefoot there you'll hear me sing
My love for you echoing.

Not your fault but you're blamed still,
Painful vanity and pointless thrill,
The sheltered thoughts you always kept,
Made twilight forests grow desolate

Im not sure what to write here tbh, especially since i can't make sense of it anymore myself. If you read my last journal, you already know I've been going through a lot that has caused me to withdraw from all social platforms and irl too. I also very nearly removed myself from the fandom and isolated myself from my friends too for reasons i don't want to list again. Life isn't getting better (was in A+e for a day after getting a viral infection also). But i'm writing this journal to let anyone who may care or wants to know that i'm not deciding to delete my accounts. My hiatus will continue for now (i have a few art pieces im going to upload quickly tonight) but i will be back. I dont know when but it will be after my professional help starts.

If i worried you, if i seemed irritated, if it seems like i ignored you, if i haven't been myself...i really am genuinely so sorry for that. I have two of my closest friends looking after me rn and they both deserve medals and dont know how much their support really means to me <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I know not a lot of people may read this, but if you do.....thank you for your understanding and for being so patient with me <3 <3

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Also...if you sent me a message (especially on telegram), i promise i did read it and the support im being shown by everyone (especially when very few know what's actually happening) is amazing so thank you <3

Lately my mental state has really deteriorated, to the point now where I can see it not only affecting myself but those few that I care for too in relatively major ways. Everyday I try my best to stay strong but it's getting harder and I feel utterly utterly ashamed that I have distanced myself unintentionally from my friends that I love dearly as a result, friends who only want to help me, who I learned to confide in. Now I feel that I've not only let myself down but my friends too, and with how I am right now I don't feel like I can be a good friend to anyone as much as I try and that hurts me the most.

As a result, I'm thinking about removing my account here (and others too).

I've been awake for a long while now so I'm going to head to sleep. I'm going to seriously ponder this decision while I rest, maybe I'm being brash, maybe not? But I needed to at least talk about this, because I do feel ashamed now and I can't pretend it's not happening and I need to apologize for the way I am right now.

Goodnight and l love you all <3 have a good day/night wherever you are
*Ves~~

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This is not a *vent* post and I'm not looking for attention (nor do I want any). I'm just providing context as to why I may be removing my account because what I'm doing isn't fair to those I love (especially my friends) and I truly am sorry.

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If I decide when I wake up to not to remove my account, I'll delete this journal. If I'm going through with it deleting it, then I'll make another journal. Either way, I'm off to sleep.