Happy Halloween! Spooky time of the year is here. And it was pretty nice. I dressed up as Zorro, and my friends seemed to like it. Even got some attention from the ladies. I was even in this costume contest and I got three of them to vote me as the best. For once I don’t feel completely invisible. I also haven’t dressed up for Halloween in a long time. Year after year I would talk about how next year I’m going to do it. And it never comes. Well, now it did!

But now that all the fun is done, I need to talk about how things have been going. Well, I’m not sure how much more I can take. I haven't made much progress in my art lately. I still feel stuck in that rut. My grades have been falling, and I'm in my last year of college. I still haven't been able to find love. I recently tried asking someone from my school out to homecoming. She claimed she wasn't going, but once I was there, lo and behold, there she was. And I was just trying to reach out to someone. So I'm going to try and find someone else. I'm sick and tired of people telling me that you gotta wait for the right person, or to love yourself before you can love others. I'm done waiting. I've tried to better myself when it comes to making friends, and luckily, I feel I've improved. While not perfect yet, I feel my ability to make friendships is fine and optimal. I'm ready to level up, and I'm tired of being endlessly sidetracked for several years now. I'm tired of being 22, unloved and unfucked.
Now what about drawing? Well, to be honest, it's been a while since I legitimately enjoyed drawing. Lately I feel like I've just been drawing to meet a monthly quota. I think I need a break from it. To get things straightened out.
I'm probably going to take a break from my regular drawing, and even my story writing, until I can get things back to normal, and back on track.
Because as it stands, endlessly posting on here isn't gonna get me any closer to my relationship satisfaction in real life. This fandom is keeping me down. I might just leave it altogether. But that's just an idea, and it'd require me to burn a lot of what I once was. I don't want to see any more of my prime years of my life drowned by this sinkhole.


Despite this, I have a plan. And it's a plan I've been ruminating on for an entire year. If you are familiar with birdwatcher circles, you'll know that there is this challenge to identify or photograph as many birds as possible within the span of a year, and this is known as 'the big year'. I want to do something similar. What I will do, starting January 1, is draw as many birds I can as possible in a year. Not saying I'm gonna do one every day, but I'll try to do as many as I can in 2026, even if I skip a day or do multiple in one day.
The catch? I'm gonna draw them all extra fat. That's the kinda bird art I want to see.
This isn't gonna be on this account. Rather, I created a new account, called  TheBiggestYear
I'm mentioning this in advance so I can give you guys, and myself some time to prepare.

Can't wait to see you there!

Wow. 100 watchers. I woke up today to find that on my profile. And then some! Thanks to :userKentTheLion: for being my 100th watcher, and thanks to :userpantera.Incognito: and :userfirefox: for being my 101st and 102nd watchers respectively.
I never thought this day would come. I set up this account seven years ago, and what a journey it's been, one that's only beginning. I wonder how long it'll take to get to 1000...
I don't exactly feel like a 'big boy' artist yet, but I feel more firm in my place in FA. I think I'll stay here for a while.


Either way, I know what you're here for. I've decided that I'm going to host a raffle! I'm thinking there'll be two winners.
There are some rules.
1. You must be watching me to participate. New watchers are welcome!
2. You need to leave a comment to earn a ticket.
3. Creating a journal will earn you an extra ticket.
4. If you win, you can DM/message me on Discord about your idea. No real limits except for really complex stuff like mechs, or complex backgrounds, and I'm also gonna put a limit on two characters max.

Keep in mind I'm pretty slow at drawing, so apologies in advance if it takes a long time.

Thank you again, and good luck!


Update:
I’m closing the raffle early due to the lack of new signups.
We have some winners!
Congrats to :usermineral-the-angeldragon:
And :userFattyDragonLover:!

I’ll send them a PM to let them know, too.
And keep your eyes peeled! I’m gonna do this for 200, as well.

Would you guys be interested if I started posting my drawing studies on here? I said a while ago that I want to prioritize quality over quantity, and I've been sticking to that. But I've been talking to some friends about drawing studies and whatnot. Just asking this here in case you guys are interested.

I’ve been to comic con before, but it was the one in LA. This time I’m in San Diego, and it’s much bigger. I don’t really know what to expect!

Hopefully I can catch some of you guys there. I’m the one dressed like Ace Ventura.

I was devastated by the news. Such a staple of rock and metal, and passing right after his last farewell show. Now he's in heaven. I feel confident he lived a good life. I will miss him.

What's the point of doing this stuff, why do I keep making the furry thing a huge part of my identity when I can't even show other people in real life this sort of stuff? I don't have any furry friends in real life, which is strange given how big LA is. I'm tired of having this huge part of my identity so unexpressed. It's an unimaginably large social stigma.

I don't want to live in fear. I just don't want to live in fear.

I want to go out tomorrow and have the subject of me being a furry never come up again for the rest of my life. Tomorrow I want to go out and make a friend and join a band or start a band, and have a successful career. Or maybe meet the love of my life.

Not sit around, DRAWING THINGS TO PEOPLE WHOSE VOICES ILL NEVER HEAR, LET ALONE FACES I'LL NEVER SEE, GETTING 10 FAVES IF I'M LUCKY, AND NOT GETTING PAID.

I need a change. Fast. This time next year, put it on the calendar, July 22nd, 2026, I will be a better man, and I will be unrecognizable. I will scoff at this. Mark my fucking words.

I'm sorry this is so unscripted, but I'm not sorry for anything I've said.

Buddy of mine is doing a raffle. It's to celebrate 200 followers!

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/61444434/

I know that I said that I was going on a short break from the internet, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing creative stuff. I was thinking of changing up things; both in terms of my subject matter and the medium.

I've been thinking of writing songs more and producing. But not only that, I've been noticing a lot of these audio soundtracks for scenes, and that could be something cool I try out once or twice. Maybe I could also do those comics and sequences people do, even though I've never been that into comic books.
You know what else I've been wanting to do? I've been wanting to stream my drawings live. I just don't know how to use Picarto or set up my stuff.

In terms of what I draw, I think I'm going to commit to the horse art idea, especially fat horses. I already have a few ideas on my mind, and I could get those out. But I made this journal to ask if there's any specific subject matter you guys would like to see? Consider this the semi-kinda-official requesting board. I might choose your ideas.
I'm also gonna finally get around to writing VV. I think I've spent a good 3 years worldbuilding, workshopping, and removing unecessary fluff that I can start writing. There's still a good amount of stuff unfilled, but I can make that as I go along.
Also, I might finally get around to finishing writing Owner's Box. I only have two chapters left.

On the topic of Artfight, I know it started yesterday, and I've been considering doing it for a long time, but I don't know if I have the fortitude to chug out drawings for a month straight. Technically I could start it at any time, but I could try it even if I join late. That, or I can wait for next year.

Hope you guys are doing well!

I know outwardly it doesn’t look like it, but I’ve been pretty much working on Vincent’s Virtues the story off and on for about 3 years now.
Honestly, with that, and my general propensity for conversations with other furries online, I feel my social life outside of discord has taken a huge hit.

So I think I need to take a break from working on VV. Expect drawings to slow down for a little too. I just want to take advantage of this summer, and I also want to hit the ground running for my next year of college. I want to socialize, make lifelong friends, everything that younger me would have wanted.

I don’t want to be defined by my social anxiety, and I can’t allow my furriness to enable it anymore.

Ive decided I won’t leave the furry community. I will still post, yes. But I must put myself first. I hope you understand.

Another day, another year older. I feel nowadays the birthdays don't feel like a major change. When you're young, each year of your life feels so long.
Regardless, I'm still at that crossroads between leaving for good and just switching things up. I'm thinking of going along the equine line. Expect more horse art in the future. I was good friends with HeavyHoss and while he's been away for a while, that fat horse niche needs to be filled. If you guys would like to see that stuff, please let me know, because I'd love to start doing that.
And also, expect VV to start being written soon.

I’ve been having an epiphany the last few days.
There’s so much feral art on FA, and I’ve been encountering some I wish I just didn’t see. But it’s like no one bats an eye. There’s like these drawings of realistic animals and it’s meant to be sexy?
But then I realize that’s basically what I’ve been doing.
And it makes me ask myself, “where is that line?”
I lost sleep last night thinking about it.

After realizing that, I’m not really liking a lot of my art anymore.

Maybe I could try to come to terms with it and understand here that there’s a sense of fantasy in the sense the creatures in these drawings can consent, but I still don’t feel right about it.

So as for the title, if you guys think I should keep my feral art up, please let me know. I’m iffy on it, and I might not draw any more feral art. Sorry if this is scatterbrained. I just woke up.

There has to be a universe out there where I can do everything. I’m going to major in computer engineering. But I also want to speed up my drawing capabilities, become a master, and make some money off of this.
There is a universe where I grew up riding horses and took care for them and knew my ways with them. Well guess what? My parents are urban and sterile. I don’t think they’ve ever stepped foot in a stable. So what does that mean? THAT UNIVERSE IS NOT FUCKING THIS ONE!
They say it’s harder to do things as you get older. I’m 21, so better fucking do that now.
There is a universe where I am a horse caretaker and rider just as much as I’m an artist, or a musician, on top of being a computer engineering.

Whoever lives twice as fast can realize twice as many worldy possibilities, and thus, as it were, live two lives in the span of one. Whoever becomes infinitely fast no longer needs to fear death, the annihilator of options.

I guarantee you if those pics on the front page right now weren’t right before maintenance, they would have been forgotten.
Mods, you sure you have no more maintenance to do?

This wasn't carefully planned. I just needed to get out all my thoughts all at once.

I've been thinking about this for a long time. I've been a furry since late 2015. I've been burned by 3 people in this fandom on 3 separate occassions. And each of those 3 made me want to kill myself. Not only that, many other people drag me down in other ways. Being obnoxious and horny, and stuff like that. This fandom really is how people claim it to be. Any reasonable person would realize this is unsustainable. I don't know why I stayed. Maybe it's because I like the pics. Maybe because it's a niche I like, and I thought I could keep searching to find really good friends in the long-term. From this vantage point, this seems like a lost cause. It's drained my energy to do other, more productive things. I really do believe it's making me stagnant in real life. On top of that, the fires near my house in January only made me realize how fleeting this all truly is. I only stayed because of habit and sunken cost. I like the people I've met, but I think my calling for friendships is elsewhere.

As for this and my DA? I'm gonna keep it up and still post for a bit. As much as I'd love to leave tomorrow, this is an old habit, and old habits die hard. Plus, I do have a lot of people who still watch me. I've invested so much of my time and energy into this, that without it, I'd feel like I'm nothing. So I'm going to give myself time to become something.

I'm gonna keep posting my regular furry stuff for a bit, but I'm either going to leave this account entirely or switch to non-furry content. I could do MLP stuff, or even stuff like anime/manga style. Hell, I could just do regular old animal stuff full-time. Maybe dragon and/or dinosaur stuff? There's a myriad of different directions to choose. No matter what happens, by late 2025, I will have been a furry for an entire decade, so leaving sometime this year would be a nice bookend. I'm planning for 2025 to be the last year that I'm a furry. To those watching me, I thank you for the support.

I'm not that big into sports. I was just rooting for the Eagles since I am one! >v>
I was glad for today since I got to spend some time with my family. That's always the best thing about these. Hope you all had a nice day as well.

Now in spirit of the Super Bowl, I did want to have the next installment of Owner's Box ready, but I don't. I'll try and get it done soon, though.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/59770972/
He’s celebrating his 100-watcher milestone, so go show some love!

Hello everyone! As you might have heard, I've had to deal with the fires here in L.A. But fortunately I'm home safe and sound. Despite this, I'm starting to think I should gather up some funds to get ready to leave the city for somewhere cheaper and safer. I might start doing comms soon or a patreon or something akin to it. I'm likely not going to move out this year, but I should start getting ready to do so.

This year I want to try and adopt a new style. I don't think my current style is really getting me anywhere, and I'm trying to upload less incomplete and low quality stuff. I'm trying to adopt a more painterly style, like doing things on as few layers as possible with paint-like brushes. At the same time, I've been considering trying to branch out into a more cartoony style, since that's what I imagine for my story/ies. I also wanted to try and improve my backgrounds and landscape shots.

I've never really drawn much MLP art, but I'm thinking this could change as well.

New Years may have already passed, but it's never too late to make resolutions.

My house is safe. The electricity and internet are back on, and we’re no longer threatened by the fire. Now back to your regularly scheduled drawings.

I’m sorry for anyone who suffered loss in these fires.

I’m staying at a hotel right now. I have my laptop with me, but my desktop PC is still at home. Every hour the fires approach my home. They’re still rather far, but it depends on how forceful the winds are. I havent backed up my PC. There’s a bunch of drawings I’m working on that are on that PC, and if my house burns down, the PC goes with it. Im afraid.

Fires. Poor reception. Need to leave.

I had a fun eve and day of. I know it’s technically the day after, but the jovial spirit of Christmas sticks around even after it’s ended. I hope you had a nice Christmas!

I was busy yesterday and forgot to post about this, but yesterday marked six whole years since I created my account here. Somehow it simultaneously feels like it's been longer and shorter than that. Either way, I'm happy to be here!

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58660342/
Great artist who I've had good experience with

I’ve been working on character drawings A LOT lately. Not just character collages for both Vincent’s Virtues and Owner’s Box, but also a new reference sheet. Stay tuned!