It is the start of Summer and it is Pride Month as well as a few other celebratory days, weeks, months on June as well.
It has been a wildly absurd tumultuous year so far, with many struggles and hardship.
However marginalized communities are stronger united together, and I am proud to be on the intersection of numerous different groups.
Hopefully Pride Parades manage to go on without tragedies this year and we can be safe being proud of ourselves and our identities.
Things are rough, but our communities will survive this year and make it to the next.
We'll keep pushing forward.

I have fond memories of Dragoneer.
I didn't have a perfect relationship with him, but he was always a kind caring person and supportive.
He valued his fellow queers, the furry community, and making FA a wonderful inclusive place.
The loss of his life because of a corrupt, exploitative, abusive healthcare system really hurts.
I myself have had numerous issues with our healthcare system as well.
It is really painful to see that surviving this system is about luck.
Dragoneer wasn't lucky, and he became like many MANY others who suffer from the for-profit healthcare system.
It values money over life and profit over good health.
Dragoneer always did everything he could to help others so they could live happily.
It makes it all the more tragic he never sought and received help over his own issues.
He was selfless. He gave and gave and gave. And never sought anything from others in return.
I wish him an after life that treats him better than this life.

I didn't have the best birthday this year, nor did I have the best birthday party yesterday... but I am reminded of the fact I have lots of people who care about me and value me, and that makes my birthday worthwhile.
I hope to have a nice relaxing day tomorrow as a way to try and unwind from today and yesterday.
It will be my me time to enjoy myself and be happy.
The first day of the year for my new year of life that I will start off on the right foot.

Many Russian artists have been using their funds for supporting protests in Russia.
Many Russians are protesting Putin's reign of terror and want an end to Putin's tyranny.
Now is the best time to commission Russian artists because it goes towards a good cause.
There is currently sanctions against Russian banks, so speak with artists on finding the best way to pay them.
Support Russian protesters in their fight against Putin. Support Russian artists. <3

I'm scheduled for a vaccination tomorrow with family members.
We're all getting our shots. This is gonna be great.
We'll be able to get together for family gatherings will all the vaccinated members of our family as well as all our vaccinated friends.
Our being stuck at home is gonna be over.
Still going to be wearing masks when we head out to the store and whatnot, but we won't need to worry as much as usual.
Things will go back to normal when enough of the population is vaccinated, and we won't need to worry about vulnerable people getting sick.
Everything is gonna be okay.

All votes done in person will finish being counted tomorrow.
All votes done via ballot box drop off begins tomorrow. The time they will be done is unknown.
All votes done by mail-in voting and by asbentee voting will be starting and done by an unknown time.
Never before has an election taken a single night, or a single day and night, in the entirety of US History.
The elections can take anywhere from a few days to over month.
Most of the elections that took almost a month to over a month has occured after our country became 50 states.
We have a hell of a lot of votes to count.
Most of the votes this year were done by ballot box drop-off, mail-in voting, and absentee voting. They make up over 60% of all votes made this year.
This isn't the first time in US history when the election was decided by votes that were done by one or more of these three things.
Ballot boxes, mail-in voting, and absentee voting, have all existed for a VERY LONG TIME in the USA.
Ballot box drop off has existed since the USA was founded. Mail-in voting and absentee voting has existed LONG BEFORE WE WERE EVEN 50 STATES!
And the fact is, throughout the majority of history that all three things have existed, the majority of votes existed in these three things ever since all three became a thing.
We have no clue what the election results will be until a few days from now AT LEAST. AT MOST WE WON'T KNOW FOR WEEKS!!! We can't rely on the idea that votes will be done counting anytime soon.

Most Trump voters voted in person, Trump voters that wanted in person voting make up almost 2/3 of Trump voters. Their in person votes won't even be finished being counted until tomorrow. And ballot boxes were heavily used by both Biden and Trump supporters with a slight favoring towards Biden supporters, and we haven't even started counting those votes at all! Most Votes for Biden were done via Ballot box, Mail-in, and Absentee voting.

If anyone says Ballot Box votes, Mail-in votes, and Absentee votes, should not be counted, that an election should only matter in a single night, they are literally saying the votes of both Candidates should be thrown out. They are literally saying the election doesn't matter and that votes should not matter. They are literally advocating to make the US a dictatorship. They would want a large chunk of Trump votes thrown out, and ALMOST ALL OF BIDEN VOTES THROWN OUT!!!

Right now our democracy is at state. Trump and some of his supporters and Trump's lawyers are saying that the majority of votes, including votes done IN PERSON should be thrown out and not counted. That is literally advocating for a Dictatorship. Many Dictators that were elected and afterwards didn't want an election demanded that the majority of votes not be counted. Trump, Trump supporters, and Trump laywers advocating for this don't many people who vote for Trump should have a voice in this election, and that ALMOST ALL Biden voters should not have their votes counted. They have called the election illegal, treason, and illegitimate.

This election is not about whether or not Trump wins 4 more years or Biden wins... it's about whether the USA becomes a dictatorship, or we stay a democracy.

If you voted for Trump, you knew which of the two things the USA becomes you were supporting.

I haven't been putting enough time to go through all the artists I follow on FurAffinity and favorite their art, let alone comment on it.
I've been going through a pretty bad streak. A depression. Seems like I get depressed every season and it lasts a month or two.
During these times I favorite alot less art, am less active, I comment less, and socialize less.
I apologize to everyone I follow, that I used to comment on the art of a long time ago, that I used to talk to in notes, and more.
I haven't even been talking with the new artists I've been following, nor do I talk much with other furries on FA.
I seem to chat a bit on Discord and Twitter... but even that has slowed down most of this year and last year the year before that, just like on FA, because I keep getting depressed, I keep going quiet for a month or two, and get less active, and I get less... well... social.
I am still going through a depression currently, but I was able to go through FA and do something, and I'm trying to talk and be social elsewhere, even though it's hard for me at this time. It must be a bother for some, since I went through this in Summer at one point this year, and at one point this year this Spring, and last year... so on...
I've been having a hard time ever since 2016... my life kind of went downhill IRL and I have been trying to scrap myself back up from that.
In spite of this I want to support artists and my friends in the Fandom, I want to be social and keep my friends, which I often fear losing.
If anyone I'm following wants to talk with me, well, send me a note about catching up with me over Twitter or Discord. I check Twitter most days of the week. I'm on Discord most days of the week. I'm not always very active, but I like to catch up with friends, share some memes, talk about all the good and the bad, and there has been good days, NGL. But it's hard to be happy everyday. I just say positive stuff in the morning each day on servers where I am most active on Discord and keep a smile on even if I'm not happy.
I'll be getting out of this funk eventually.
Things get better in life.
I keep telling myself that, and it is true.
Sometimes... it just takes a long time...
Oh, and happy Canadian Thanksgiving! Today is Thanksgiving (in Canada at least, other countries in North America have their version of Thanksgiving on different days, like Mexico and the USA and so forth, speaking of which, I live in the USA, but I have relatives in Canada, yay Canadian relatives!).

I'm tired of the snarky pissant sarcasm people give to me all the time.
I'm also tired of people mocking and ridiculing me.
Enough so that I'm calling out people more quickly for the shit and I'm becoming quite a jerk towards alot of assholes.
And people are surprised at me acting this way.
Well, I'm old and tired of peoples bullshit.
As a greymuzzle I've gotten old and tired of people treating me like shit and me being stuck passing it off and ignoring it.
So I have been cursing off people alot more, and getting angry at people alot more.
Because when a person treats someone like crap, they deserve to get treated like crap in return.
So I'm treating everyone that treated me like crap, just like crap. They really can't stand it.
It's funny that the mentality of the average human is they can't stand being treated like crap by the people they treat like crap.

2020 is turning out to be the worst year of the past 20 years.

Police are literally going around with shoot to kill orders on all protestors and minorities across the USA because of a riot occurred in a single small location.

Alt-right extremists groups are attacking people left and right and filming people defending themselves in order to call those people 'violent and performing violence against whites'.

Operation Pridefall is a go by the alt-right, and they have dedicated themselves to spamming social media, Discord, and more with homophobic anti-LGBT+ propaganda and memes... I myself was recently targeted by them with death threats stated towards myself and spamming of hatespeech memes on sites I use.

Corvid19 continues to kill countless people as nothing has been done whatsoever by the Federal Government of the USA to combat the virus and the pandemic, where we have politicians and a president say that it is a necessary sacrifice that the weak, sickly, infants and elderly die in order to protect the economy, and that it will be a minor loss if 10% of the US population is killed off by the virus. A complete cut off from and defunding of the WHO, and a complete war on the CDC (Center of Disease Control) is in effect, and all attempts by other countries to aid the USA is denied by the US government, which heavily opposes foreign countries giving the USA medical support and aid, along with providing tests for our countries, along with any offer of medical treatments and any future created vaccines from foreign countries because they would be distributed for free which our government claims will destroy the economy. On top of that, there has been no travel ban whatsoever for US Citizens coming in and out of the USA to foreign countries, and US Citizens are traveling between countries with the worst Corvid19 numbers for infected in the world, and coming back to the USA 100% infected with Corvid19, but we have no policy to quarantine people returning from those countries because quarantining people is against FREEDUMB.

Protests against people being required to wear masks, protests against people being required to social distance, and protests against people not being able to work jobs and act as customers to businesses where people are 100% going to catch Corvid19, protests against doctors treating Corvid19 patients and protests against the creation of a vaccine to cure Corvid19 have been rampant, as if protests like these were created by imbeciles who want people to die.

Native Americans had tribal lands stolen from them in record numbers over the past few years, with it having only ramped up in 2020 with more land being stolen this year then any year from the past 30 friggin years.

Sacred Native American burial grounds were made into demolition sites so the that burial grounds could be destroyed to build Trump's MAGA Wall.

In order to be considered a legal immigrant and entering the USA legally one must earn a minimum of at least $600,000 in annual income a year, with the amount being $800,000 for what Trump called shithole countries.

On top of that anyone born on Military owned territories overseas can no longer be considered US Citizens, so military personal can no longer get their wives pregnant if they live with them overseas on military bases because their children if born at Military housing or hospitals will no longer be allowed to be a citizen of the USA. In addition US Embassies and the housing for US Ambassadors in what is considered US territory is also no longer allowed to be used for women to give birth to children if the children wish to be US citizens. So, US territories no longer give US Citizenship to people born there.

Multiple species of animals in the USA went extinct this year. More species are endangered than ever before if we rely on the numbers used to consider something an endangered species in 2016. Policy change says that there is less than a dozen endangered species in the entire USA because the numbers of a species needs to be considered an endangered species that it has been put at a point so low that in order to have those numbers a species needs to face literal extinction, meaning less than 100 of them left alive. Previously, that amount was used to call an species critically endangered. Critically endangered has been dropped to having less than 5 members of a species left in existence. If anything though, more animals than ever before match what was considered an endangered species by past measurements, the new system Trump made to determine these things is idiotic.

Multiple new wars have been started in the Middle-east by the USA, none of which we are winning, many of which we already lost and had soldiers ordered into a full-scale retreat with a 'save yourselves' policy due to the fact that there was no chance of survivors at Syria for US military personal who remained in the region. Countless deaths occurred. Couple that with the Iran war that Trump wants to maintain and that Trump is advising a full-scale ground invasion of China which the US military's generals and Trump's military advisors say is idiotic, and I can only imagine something stupid like a war with China will happen at this rate in all honesty.

More unarmed helpless people ( which include those who were shot and killed in their own homes while they were asleep, and children under the age of 10) have been shot and killed by corrupt racist police than any other year in over 20 years. Many police have also said they killed those people because they hate N****rs. Racist police all over. My father, a retired police lieutanent, says he has never seen such rampant corruption and racism in police departments in his career with what has happened in the past few years with police departments now a days. He believes the only way to solve the problem is a mass-arrest of law enforcement officers across the country in order to clean the departments of corrupt officers so that what few officers remain can build the system from scratch.

I honestly don't think the USA is meant to survive 2020 if this shit continues.

With it being autumn two of my favorite holidays will be coming around. Halloween and Thanksgiving.
A time for all sorts of cool costumes, traditions, and candy.
Plus a time to spend with family and friends and feasting.
It is going to be a wonderful time and I hope everyone enjoys themselves.
Be happy and be healthy.

I mentioned this on Discord servers, it makes sense to put it in my furry journals too.

9/11 is a painful day every year. It is the day friends of my family went to work in the World Trade Centers and died, and we watched on live television this atrocity. It is the day I was in school as our teachers showed us what happened and all I felt was fear and sorrow. It was the day I went home to my family and we all cried. It was also the day the entire country went mad with an illogical fear and hatred of middle-eastern folk, like my family. It is the same nightmare every year for my family. We have to face not only the deaths of those we loved, remember the horrors we watched, but also to be horribly demonized, threatened, and sometimes physically assaulted. Every year I think of all the reasons not to kill myself everytime September 11 happens again, and I keep living, and people keep abusing my family. Every year I wonder if my life can ever return to normal. Every year I hope that people will think about all the lives lost and destroyed on 9/11, instead of attacking the people who lost lives and whose lives were destroyed. Someday, I hope my sufferring will end. This day is always one big nightmare for me. If you know anyone that is middle-eastern, whether they are Jewish, Catholic, Muslim, or otherwise, please show them some kindness and compassion. We go through alot every year around this time.

Btw, if your worried about me, I'm fine, I thought of plenty of good reasons to keep living and not kill myself this year.

I'm having some issues at my college that requires me be on the phone for a bit with my family for getting help with my college. My professor wants me to keep a journal about him and our class, we need to write in it about our class lessons every day, mentioning what we like about the professor, like about the class, and what we don't like about both. I haven't had an opinion on him for a while. So he has been consistantly failing me on my lack of opinion, which I learned because he collects and returns the journals after each quarter of the semester. This quarter of the semester was another 8 F's in my journal. I want to write in the journal, but I'm fearful of it because a young female student just out of college was failed for having a negative journal that criticises the professor and his class, and he fails students if they are negative in their journal, in which they judge him. I honestly don't want to do the journal, because if we don't say we love him and his class, he will fail us, and he fails us for not having an opinion. My uncle wants me to contact either the Dean or Counselor and talk either of them. I would be passing if he only graded our homework and tests, but the journal drops my grade down far below a D-. I'm hoping that this can be resolved by talking to either the Dean or Counselor. My uncle knows what he is talking about. He says my professor has highly unorthodox methods of teaching. My mother says I'm too autistic to understand what is happening in my college and I should let her talk to the school and get them to acknowledge me as severely mentally handicapped AKA autistic. I'm going with my uncle, he knows what the hell he is talking about. My mom is completely backwards nutcase.

From me to you and everyone, hope your December has been a blast so far.
Whether you've been celebrating Hanukah, Winter Solstice, Yuletide, or Christmas, Happy Holidays to you all!

I have lost social security income, I am dealing with serious health problems my medical insurance no longer covers almost every medical problems. 90% of the USA relies on either Medicare or Medicaid, this includes me. I have Horizon Blue Health. That is the state of NJ Health insurance offered by the government through Medicare and Medicaid. I was also cut off of Social Security, as most benefits, military and low income no longer exist. The Trump administration basically cut me off everything I need to survive. I want you all to pray for me my health gets better and that I get a job soon. I might not be alive by 2020 if things stay the same or if they get worse. I'm doing pretty bad. I hope things get better.

Well, I got lots of good news. And little bad news.
Good news! My health is improving! I'm no longer bleeding thanks to medication and a low fiber diet.
Bad news! My health insurance is no longer providing me aid, the government has made many new cuts to Medicaid and medicare.
Good news! I'm getting a driver's permit! This means I'll be able to drive places finally!
Good news! I'm doing really good in college, doing the best in both my courses. I've really improved! No longer the third best student!
Good news! I've managed to apply to multiple new jobs that opened, wish me luck!
Bad news! My Social Security was cut! Gotta survive off a $4 an hour paycheck that I rarely receive because my work program doesn't have to pay me its merely mandatory by the state that I go.

That's Mostly good news! Good news is good! I rarely have this much good news in comparison to bad news. 2018 has never been as good as this month so far.

I am going to the ER tomorrow, my family can't take me now. I am just having some internal bleeding issues, and its not going to kill me if I wait 12 hours. I will be gone for several days. Wish me well and hope I get better soon.

Update!

I got back from the hospital. They don't know whats causing the internal bleeding, but they know that the CT-scan says it is not Tumors and it is not Bacterial Infection. I have lost a lot of blood they said, but I don't need a blood transfusion unless my blood loss gets worse. They are having me see a doctor to have a procedure done. I am an outpatient right now. That means I can do college homework, my work-therapy program, and play computer games. I'm glad its nothing life-threatening at the moment and I can relax and enjoy life. I can be, happy and without major stress.

Most furries in the furry fandom have never had a fellow furry as a friend for over 2 years in the furry fandom I have discovered over time.
Based on my own discovery, most furries online tend to break up friendships on the first year.
The rest tend to have the majority break up the friendship on the second year.
Out of all furries, less than 10% of furries have held a friend for over 2 years.
This is a disturbingly consistent fact that has plagued the furry fandom for a long time.
I honestly want to know why my fellow furries cannot maintain long lasting friendships.
Even I find a 2 year friendship short. And yet, most furries find it a long friendship. It is bizarre, but it appears to be rampant.
Is it because you can simply block someone over the slightest disagreement, argument, or even disliking a race, religion, and sexual orientation?
That you can block someone over the tiniest nit-pick thing, like the fact someone has a mental illness, mental handicap, learning disability, or behavioral disability?
That you can block someone based on their favorited porn? Or their favorite sports team? Even a favorite animal? Or a fursona species?
Blocking people right away at the slightest disgust is done by most furries in the furry fandom. It is also rampant on every social media site that is newer than furry fandom sites (FA & SoFurry).
But, it is more than that. Many people refuse to even be messaged on furry websites. Many people refuse to take commissions over furry websites. Many people also refuse to use furry websites to effectively perform communication all together.
Most people prefer to use instant messenger applications, and most people prefer instant messenger applications that were designed originally only for phones.
The furry fandom is vanishing online on the computer. Most furries refuse to use websites on their phones, preferring applications over websites. Most furries refuse to even use any single furry website, and most furries don't even want to use a furry website, showing an increased preference for phone applications.
So why is this happening? I've noticed the furries who make up these most furries are mostly furries up to the age of 25. They also tend to be furries with anti-social tendencies above the age of 25.
So... is it the sign of the times? Or is it a sign we're becoming anti-social? Is it a sign we're abandoning computers? Or a sign we're starting a new generation?
Most furries consider me a gray-muzzle because I'm 31 right now. They also find me old. They find me backwards. They... aren't used to me.
Then again, I might be less appealing as a furry. I'm not a real person to most furries. I have problems. I have mental illness and behavioral disorders. I'm old. I'm not part of any majority race, religion, or political group, and am a rare sexual orientation.
I feel that the furry fandom has begun to embrace certain ideas of the ideal furry and the ideal view of the furry fandom, as perfect people and a perfect place. A place they feel is a sanctuary for what they view is ideal. And... ideal means the old, flawed, unusual, are just not a part of it.
I might be a bit put off by the furry fandom's online right now. Automated support for furry websites, a non-existent moderator staff that never talks to users, and a non-existent staff elsewhere that never talks to users.
This analysis was based off of FurAffinity specifically. But, some select parts of what goes on at FA applies to all other furry websites. Which says... the furry fandom is dying on the computer used internet. The laptop used internet. The internet that I grew up on. The internet that has been a part of my life since 20 years ago when I was 11 years old. The internet has always been the only way for me to contact furries, until the development of online gaming, and much much later, the use of phones and similar new additions. I've never been to a convention. Most furries have never been to a convention. But, most furries now do not use the computer to contact other furries.
This means to survive, the furry fandom needs to adapt its computer based websites to appeal to younger generations. Right now, they are sub-standard. They also do not allow the freedom to communicate that young furries are used to. They do not allow for furries to post as many pictures, journals, and such as they want. Phones and such do. They do not allow them a safe place to talk do to extreme measures by moderators. Phones do. They do not allow people the same ease of commissioning art. Phones actually do. Furry websites must adapt, or go extinct.
Because already, friends were going extinct in the fandom 8 years ago... when most furries never had friends for over 2 years, which continues today, even though cellphones are more popular today than they were 8 years ago.

My sister says that furry artists are scammers. They claim that no professional artists accepts payment outside of cash and credit card.
My sister's boyfriend gave an example, a close friend of his from college who is a professional artist, who sells art at a minimum of $130 a piece for a drawing and photo, and $2000 for good paintings and photos.
Apparently, not receiving a physical copy of the art is another reason they claim the entire furry fandom is scam artists.
My sister is telling my mom to 'help me' not be taken advantage of by the furry fandom.
They want to be very strict in preventing me from ever commissioning anyone via debit cards and gift cards ever again.
They will fail.
The furry fandom is a major source of happiness for me and I will never allow them to take away my happiness.

Other things my family believes:
The church told us the furry fandom is an evil pagan beast cult.
The mental hospital told us the furry fandom is sexual deviants dedicated to drugs and alcohol.
CSI told us the furry fandom is filled with criminals.
Fox News told us the furry fandom is filled with sex fetishists.

Fuck what my family was told, they are taught lies and shit.

My birthday is in a few days, on September 5th.
As some people know, I got Monster Hunter World as an early birthday gift.
I have been going through my Depression still, I'm still not super talkative, or the most positive, but I'm more pleasant to be around than usual.
I still have issues, I'm still trying hard to get over them, and I hope that the new year in my life will help me.
If anything, in addition to my birthday, I have college to look forward to. I also have friends and family over.
I hope all is well with everyone who reads, just as I hope to have a nice birthday and to have a nice time with friends and family.

It's been a long time since I did an update. I've been suffering from a pretty intense depression. It might be because of CVR... the lack of their ability to properly help me... my Anxiety acting up... but I've been an emotional wreck and am psychologically not doing too well. I've been trying my best to hide it and appear happy, but everyone notices I'm not happy, even when I make a smile... since it doesn't last, and its kind of... forced.
I haven't been given long complex comments, that are kind and supportive, or anything. I have devolved back into using emotes mostly. Usually sad faces, happy faces, hearts, etc. Wish I could add a few words more often, but its hard for me to use words right now.
I wish going to college could solve things. I wish this meant a new phase in my life, a new start, leaving the bad behind. But the bad follows me, and I can't avoid it. The best I can do is survive it.
If people worry about this, don't be, I'm alive, that matters. Be happy for that. Not killing myself anytime soon.

So... I'm on a pregnancy fetish discord group... yup... weird right?, and most everyone is not a furry and we don't really get to know the people there that well. Especially me since they are not my fellow furries Well, some can be a little crazy. Very crazy in fact. Evil even.
Turns out two of the people like to call themselves cops... and use weird words that most law enforcement finds offensive, like, coppers, as they refer to themselves... while... most police officers call themselves... you guess it... police officers and law enforcement officers. They also regularly jokes about bashing people heads in with nightsticks, while casually mentioning they need to bash in skulls every now and then without joking. Now, not surprising, they also are a bit trigger happy, and casually talk about violence and its a part of the job, everyone beats and shoots and kills people, its a part of what you do as a cop. Whats scary, is that these two people claim to live in the USA, and than I learn that one lives in Ohio, and that eating food is their coping skill... and they are into pregnancy because they look pregnant. Holy fuck!

So, what mistake do I do, I mention that while police officers have guns and nightsticks, they don't always use themselves outside of defending themselves and protecting others. That post gets deleted and one person, a moderator with a female dog for a picture says "Leave things to use cops." They continue talking about all the stuff they do to people, and I'm thinking, what the hell, and other people are listening in. Everyone in my family is police officers and these two make us look bad. So I intervene and say but us police are nice and friendly and try to solve problems without violence whenever we can. Moderator who claims to be a 'cop' who talks to their Ohio friend intervenes, deletes post and says, "Stop butting in, stay out of this".

Say what do I do, I go to another group, that is with a few furries and non-furries, I chat with them, only to see that one of these two people claiming to be a police officer decided to join the group out of no-where, and is stalking me. I chat with my furry and non-furry friends on this group, avoiding using names on the Discord, while the Ohio officer stalks me, watching me. Why are they on a group with furries?, what is their problem? Well, turns out they are suddenly going on and offline back and forth, and I realize, they are going on and offline because they know who I'm talking about on the other group, the group they are a part of.

Mind you, scared, and freaking out, and depressed over my cat and grandma's death last week, which were both one day apart, I begin a hysterical sob story, everyone online comforts me, cause we are furries and we care about each-other, and the human preg fetish guy leaves.

But, this shows on a preg fetish group for many people, weird loathsome folk come around... and do scary ass shit, and I can rely on the furry fandom to make me feel better about life, while others who are human folk will not show the same acceptance and tolerance.


Oh, I might as well give a twist to this story. During the conversation, I didn't want to say it, but the Ohio guy said people mock him calling him a 'rent-a-cop' because he is a security officer for a warehouse complex and he doesn't have a badge. So... yeah... he wasn't a real police officer... which might be why he is messed up. God humans suck. I'm glad I'm a furry.

A death in the family, my cat, Timmy, was found dead this morning. I'm shocked, and horrified, and saddened, that my cat, who was young, died today. I feel horrible.
Timmy didn't live to be old, he wasn't even 12, barely even 10. He was found in the bushes, when cats are sick and dying, they are known to hide. He was last seen by my family this Friday, and only for a short bit, he came inside, ate food, and immediately wanted outside. Today is Sunday. He normally spends most every night sleeping with me on my bed, instead, for the past week, he has tried to stay outside as much as possible, avoiding contact with me, my family, and the other cats.
As an outside inside cat, Timmy experienced the best of both worlds. He was inside whenever he wanted to and outside whenever he wanted to, he would stay inside for as many as three days at a time, and outside for as many as four days outside. He would roam the entire neighborhood, having all sorts of fun. He also loved our other cats, and would enjoy playing and eating with them. Goldy is allowed only in the backyard, and Drew and Carly are rarely allowed outside, and even then only in the backyard. Timmy enjoyed the time he had in the backyard with them, but also enjoyed he went everywhere in the neighborhood.
I will miss Timmy very VERY much. My family says they will get Timmy a gravestone. They will also be spreading the ashes of his family members Orange and Kitty with him. 'Tinker, who adopted him, had a brother and mother, Orange and Kitty, who Timmy treated as family and loved very much. It is fitting they are now all together, and are all to be located together.
This... is a very tragic day, but, I guess I must cope and learn to move on. I cried a lot over this... like I do all my pets when they die.

It seems another websites I'm on has no enforcement rules tied to bullying, slander, harassment, and death threats.
Like on most furry websites, reporting such things is against the rules, and I've been suspended for reporting such things.
Yet, these things that are reported are against the rules of the website... oddly... on all websites.
So why is it that a guy that threatened to hunt me down IRL, who even messaged/noted me they were going to block my head off with a shotgun, is unaffected by me reporting him? Why so many people can make claims I'm an art theft, scam artist, con man, and hacker, are never punished from me reporting them? Why people harassing me under other methods have never been punished?
Because rules have never been enforced on so many furry websites. All major furry websites seem to ignore these things... and punish those who report these issues.
I'm losing faith in humanity. How can my fellow furries be so thoughtless and cruel? Why do they not care? Why do I have so little support from people?
Maybe the fandom has fallen apart to corruption and evil. Maybe there is no safe place for anyone in the fandom. But... I do know that there are good furries out there... and that gives me hope that things can change for the better.

I was hospitalized for 6 days, during that time I asked my sister to log in to my discord and send a message to everyone... she couldn't figure out how to do so she claimed.... so I've been stuck unable to reply... and she couldn't reply.
I followed through a suicide attempt that day, taking over 100 pills and almost killing myself. My liver has not recovered still.
I noticed that staff took down an old journal, never giving an explanation why.
It sucks. But I'm home. And I have a reason to live so long as I'm here. That reason is because furries from the fandom went as far as dialing 911 for me and saving my life, when nobody else in my life, even my own mom, was willing to do so.

CVR is something I just go to now at this point. I don't feel like this program is capable of helping me. Most staff don't seem interested at all in helping me, they either seem to fake interest, concern, and even listening, which I've tested them for... sadly... they've failed. Also, why is it that everyone at CVR is either over the age of 80 years old, or is severely mentally handicapped and does not know how to do things like read, write, use a toilet, and do basic math? I feel like I'm around children, and am treated as one too.
I used to have hope in this program, because it promised so much... but now, it seems all it is about is teaching basic adult necessities to people who can't even practice basic human necessities performed by children. What's worse is the lack of help... its all huge, overcrowded groups, uncomfortable, and if anything, robotic and... meaningless... its people just going along with the program with no interest, giving random answers and not giving a shit ( the elderly ), or the mentally inept who are completely incapable of comprehension of their surroundings or the group due to their simple basic minds. That, and the mind numbing work, unpack, stick barcode, stick label, double check product, pack away in box, that same task performed day after day, and apparently its done every day, some people here mentioned they've been doing it for years. This program doesn't help people... it traps them in a routine, distracting them from getting their life on track, getting a real home, a real job, and real friends. I can't stop this after-care program... yet... but when I perform my required time, I will.