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Posted 3 months agoFirst night in my new apartment. The loneliness set in hard and I cried for the first time in a while. I know it's not supposed to be easy but I also am taken aback at just how hard it is.
For those that don't know, I was in a relationship for 10 years, and I had to escape it. It wasn't healthy for me and I made the (very) difficult call to abandon ship.
Part of me feels like a dirty quitter.
The more rational part points out how long I tried, how many ways I spelled it out, and all the great lengths I went to -trying- to make it work. In the end, I ended up bitter around him, and that's not fair for him, or for me.
So I've moved out. I've got a place, alone, and finances will be a struggle for a while.
And even tough I -know- it's the right move, I can't escape the regret, the loss, the feeling of something missing, and yah I get it, it's "only natural", but dammit does it just tear me up inside.
I miss him. I don't hate him. We're amicable. I left him in a better spot than I found him, and yet I still feel like the villain in my own life story sometimes.
Single again. Looking. Again. 35 this year. So many seem to have it figured out... I know, I know "don't compare yourself to others", but that's just what we do, can't blame me for it.
The hardest part is knowing that there's no easy solution. I just need to wait and "be myself" and hope that I cross paths with the right one.
At least this time I know myself better. I know what questions to ask and I can see more red flags from further off. Doesn't make the despair any less real.
Thanks for reading. Please DM me on whatever platform you desire. I'm wanting to get reconnected and re-invest in this community.
For those that don't know, I was in a relationship for 10 years, and I had to escape it. It wasn't healthy for me and I made the (very) difficult call to abandon ship.
Part of me feels like a dirty quitter.
The more rational part points out how long I tried, how many ways I spelled it out, and all the great lengths I went to -trying- to make it work. In the end, I ended up bitter around him, and that's not fair for him, or for me.
So I've moved out. I've got a place, alone, and finances will be a struggle for a while.
And even tough I -know- it's the right move, I can't escape the regret, the loss, the feeling of something missing, and yah I get it, it's "only natural", but dammit does it just tear me up inside.
I miss him. I don't hate him. We're amicable. I left him in a better spot than I found him, and yet I still feel like the villain in my own life story sometimes.
Single again. Looking. Again. 35 this year. So many seem to have it figured out... I know, I know "don't compare yourself to others", but that's just what we do, can't blame me for it.
The hardest part is knowing that there's no easy solution. I just need to wait and "be myself" and hope that I cross paths with the right one.
At least this time I know myself better. I know what questions to ask and I can see more red flags from further off. Doesn't make the despair any less real.
Thanks for reading. Please DM me on whatever platform you desire. I'm wanting to get reconnected and re-invest in this community.
Whelp...
Posted 9 years agoYou Probably Guessed It...
Posted 11 years agoI'm not actually British.
I know that comes as a shock to you all after hearing my voice in Jasonafex's submission, "LETS RASSLE" (http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12928464/), but it is the truth. I am in fact a resident of the U.S. Midwest, and claim absolutely no heritage to England. That being said, I do apologize if I have offended anyone from that region with my shameful attempt at mimicking their mode of speech. It's nothing personal, I can assure you.
While I am proud of my part in the rather bold project put on by Jasonafex, I can't help but regret that my voice acting couldn't have been a little better. I will mention that I don't have professional audio-recording space or equipment, nor a professional background in the art. I am in all senses of the word an amateur. That being said, I do take pride in my efforts, and I can say without a doubt that I put my best foot forward in this project. Nevertheless, there were several factors playing against me in this case, which I shall elaborate upon to present as many pathetic excuses as possible for my shortcomings.
One excuse, which I mentioned before, is the lack of a professional recording space. I live in a house with family members just on the other side of very thin walls, and so the only opportunity I had to even attempt recording was late at night or very early morning. Even then I didn't want to risk waking them, hence the hushed tone of my voice through the narration. I really wanted to avoid explanations as to just what I was reading so loudly at that hour.
Another factor against me was time. To Jasonafex's credit, he put on a massive show on very short notice. What that meant for me, however, is very limited time to study and work the materiel over. Between school and work and family time during the day, I only had two nights to get it all right and submitted for Jasonafex to incorporate into the project and line up the animations and subtitles. When listening to the recording, you definitely get the sense that I'm not familiar with the material, and that would be true. I simply did not get the opportunity to study and read the text as much as I would have liked, and that played a major role in the pacing and deliverance of the story.
As I mentioned at the top of this journal, I am not British. This accent isn't a familiar one for me and I must admit that I'm still developing a feel for its various ins and outs. My lack of familiarity with this mode of speech also contributed to the lack of excitement or engagement in my voice during the reading. This is something that will improve with practice, but as aforementioned, there simply wasn't time for it.
As quick-and-dirty as the whole project was, it turned out magnificently well for the very limited time there was in preparation for it. I'm amazed that Jasonafex was able to turn out the project as quickly as he did, and I'm pleased that it's as good as it is. I will, however, re-record the story at my earliest opportunity with the intent of improving and delivering the story as it should have been.
Although these things I listed above are only excuses, it felt good to get them out and onto the internet. I do wish I'd had more time, but in the end I'm glad I was even a part of it to begin with. Here's to improvement!
I know that comes as a shock to you all after hearing my voice in Jasonafex's submission, "LETS RASSLE" (http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12928464/), but it is the truth. I am in fact a resident of the U.S. Midwest, and claim absolutely no heritage to England. That being said, I do apologize if I have offended anyone from that region with my shameful attempt at mimicking their mode of speech. It's nothing personal, I can assure you.
While I am proud of my part in the rather bold project put on by Jasonafex, I can't help but regret that my voice acting couldn't have been a little better. I will mention that I don't have professional audio-recording space or equipment, nor a professional background in the art. I am in all senses of the word an amateur. That being said, I do take pride in my efforts, and I can say without a doubt that I put my best foot forward in this project. Nevertheless, there were several factors playing against me in this case, which I shall elaborate upon to present as many pathetic excuses as possible for my shortcomings.
One excuse, which I mentioned before, is the lack of a professional recording space. I live in a house with family members just on the other side of very thin walls, and so the only opportunity I had to even attempt recording was late at night or very early morning. Even then I didn't want to risk waking them, hence the hushed tone of my voice through the narration. I really wanted to avoid explanations as to just what I was reading so loudly at that hour.
Another factor against me was time. To Jasonafex's credit, he put on a massive show on very short notice. What that meant for me, however, is very limited time to study and work the materiel over. Between school and work and family time during the day, I only had two nights to get it all right and submitted for Jasonafex to incorporate into the project and line up the animations and subtitles. When listening to the recording, you definitely get the sense that I'm not familiar with the material, and that would be true. I simply did not get the opportunity to study and read the text as much as I would have liked, and that played a major role in the pacing and deliverance of the story.
As I mentioned at the top of this journal, I am not British. This accent isn't a familiar one for me and I must admit that I'm still developing a feel for its various ins and outs. My lack of familiarity with this mode of speech also contributed to the lack of excitement or engagement in my voice during the reading. This is something that will improve with practice, but as aforementioned, there simply wasn't time for it.
As quick-and-dirty as the whole project was, it turned out magnificently well for the very limited time there was in preparation for it. I'm amazed that Jasonafex was able to turn out the project as quickly as he did, and I'm pleased that it's as good as it is. I will, however, re-record the story at my earliest opportunity with the intent of improving and delivering the story as it should have been.
Although these things I listed above are only excuses, it felt good to get them out and onto the internet. I do wish I'd had more time, but in the end I'm glad I was even a part of it to begin with. Here's to improvement!
