It broke...

It actually fuckin' broke.

The one thing I had left to make me money; and my fucking tablet is broken.

I am so mad and frustrated right now I'm actually fucking crying right now.

The one god damned thing left that was able to put food in my stomach and it's dead.

No power light, I tried reinstalling the drivers, I tried restarting my laptop.

I HAVE NOTHING....

This...

I don't even know anymore...

I'm gonna try tearing it apart and seeing what I can do about it.

Alright a couple have asked so here's the journal with my prices.

NOTE: ANYTHING IN PARENTHESIS ARE PER ADDITIONAL CHARACTER!!!

Sketch: $10 ($3)
Flat color no background: $20 ($5)
Shading with single color background: $30 ($10)

Any fully rendered piece is priced at my discretion. Price will be based on desired style, complexity of character/background, amount of time pic will take me.

Minimum price: $60

Hope this help you guys out.

Since I am on my own for money and jobs are still not happening here in NY.

Here's the down and gritty about everything.

I need to make a set amount of money each month.

My rent is $300
My utilities is $50
My car is $370
Insurance for said car $50
I'm going to ball park food at about $100

Everything other bill can basically kiss my ass at the point.

I need a car, a roof over my head and to be able to feed myself.

That's $870 a month. Let's say $1000 a month, you know for gas and other stuff.

That's right a THOUSAND FUCKIN' DOLLARS a month. Do I think I can pull it off in furry art.

FUCK NO. I'm lucky to feed myself and have gas money from furry art.

I don't know how the fuck you other artists do it. But I don't have a choice. If anything I need to pay rent. I can go without eating, I've done it before.
I can let this car get repossessed, my credit is already fucked.

But I like with two roomies, and if I don't come up with rent, I screw them. And I'm not about to let that happen.

So if anything I HAVE to make $350 a month. Rent is on the 25th of each month. Please, I don't care how spread the word. I don't know what else to do. I can't even go back to school and get school loans and live off of that. I don't know what else to do. Sure I can go on welfare but welfare feeds me not pay my rent.

I would love to lower my prices but I can't afford to do that. If you know anyone... and I mean ANYONE who is looking for a commission. Please bring them my way. I feel like every decision I made in the past eight months has been nothing but a big mistake.

Talking to my dad after 7 years was a mistake.
Buying a new car while I was working for my dad because I didn't have one was a mistake.
Quitting my job cause I thought I had another one lined up so I could be happier was a mistake.
Going to AC even though my dad told me it was alright he would cover my rent was a mistake.

Everything... EVERYTHING is all a mistake. And I don't think I can fix this. I don't care about going under. I don't care if I starve. I just don't want to affect my room mates. They rely on me and I can't live with myself knowing that I'm failing them...

Whatever happened to the family values of when a family member needed help. Everyone came together to help that person out in time of need. Selflessly, not expecting anything in return?

Just so much going on around me and nothing I do stops it from crumbling...

Alright, so I was in the process of issuing a couple of refunds due to life kicking me in the nuts and not being able to pull through on commissions.

A couple of people have promptly asked for refunds and I was more than happy to oblige. Sadly, at this current time my bank, Chase. Was my only way of adding funds to my PayPal account.

However, being unemployed for eight months with no income has taken it's toll on my bank. I put some money into my account to transfer to PayPal. Instead my bank instantly took the money and put it towards my overdrawn credit card and has closed all my accounts until the card is payed off.

In other words, I can't give out refunds...

I still owe about $1,800 on the credit card so I need to do something else.

So here's what I'm going to do.

I have a lot of things that are going to require money here very soon. And more than likely I'm not going to be able to pay them all. However, issuing refunds to people who want it are my top priority.

I'm am offering sketch commissions. ONLY SKETCH! Until things calm down a little bit or I find another source of income I am doing sketch commissions. Mainly cause, I can spit out these fast and cheap. I'm only going to charge $10 (+$3 for each additional character).

Every dollar I make will go to my refunds until everyone is paid off.

If you have already commissioned me PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS JOURNAL. I have kinda lost track of everyone and I don't remember who I owe.

Please let me know if you want me to continue on your pic or to issue the refund. I will respond back to your comment here in this journal to let you know that the refund has been issued.

I didn't want to rely on drawing to be my main source of income but sadly. I'm dried up with nothing left in my reserves and now my own bank has closed me out.

So that's pretty much where I said. I know I have burned a couple of you and I totally understand if you don't want me to work for you. I'm just a very stressed out man who is now starting to see the very serious situation of starving.

Please let me know what you guys want. I'm not going to accept ANY MONEY until the sketches are complete. I am notorious for not feeling pressured to finish a piece if I have already been paid. I know it's a horrible thing to say about myself but it's the truth. So please, wait for me to finish your piece, paying me in advanced is not going to get you to the front of the line.

So what do you say?

My pageview says boob~!!

I'm such a dork... >.>

Why did I drink so much last night?

*falls off the bed and onto the floor*

I swear to God I think I'm still a little drunk...

I don't even remember typing half of those responses in my last journal. o.O

Makes your dick look bigger.

Err...

Hi~

I can tell it's going to be another late one for me.

What about you guys?

Anyone up for watching me stream?

HAWT DAMN I should have gone to these things you furries call conventions sooner. That was fuckin' awesome.

Roomies:  Spikefoxx ,  hindpaws,  Tagard

Sadly, I didn't get to the hotel until 1AM Friday morning cause my dad made me work until 4pm so I couldn't on the road until 4:30pm. Luckily, I made it since I was falling asleep at the wheel on the way there.

So my con time started Friday afternoon. The majority of the day was me walking around and gawking at artists I frequently fap to. That is until  Quadra gawked back at me and said, "That is the biggest tablet I have ever seen!" So after waving my big, thick tablet in everyone's face I eventually left. However, it was the evening that was my first epic experience.

We smuggled A LOT of alcohol into the zoo and the hilarity began. More people crowded around me and commented on my huge tablet. I was starting to think me and my small penis was actually going to laid this con. But that's later, so I met an artist I drool over in the form of  Strype

We sat around and shot the shit, I told him about that time I got my dick sucked by a dude when I thought it was a girl. To his much amusement.

The more inebriated I became the more friendly I was. At around 11pm, I decided that EVERYONE in the zoo was suddenly my best friend and I bought everyone... yes... everyone pizza.

Shortly after a feast for furries was complete,  lyonlover (a.k.a. Kiwa) entered the zoo. All my friends turned to look at him. Staring at his impressive and absolutely JACKED body. It was then I narrowed my eyes and said... "I want to arm wrestle him..."

Much to mine and everyone's surprise, I held my own for a damn long time. I even think Kiwa was surprised. ;)

Despite my loss in the competition, Kiwa was an awesome sport about it. However, as I told him in person. there will be a rematch and I will not lose next time. *pumps iron and eats celery*

Then more hanging out with Strype and another artist named Kaze until eight in the morning. I decided to retire to my room for a quick nap. And in my drunken stupor I thought I lost my card key. So with a huff I just said fuck it and stayed awake.

So pulling an all-nighter into Saturday, we went and got lunch at Cody's sub shop next to the Kwik-E-Mart and had a fuckin' epic steak sub. Once pleasantly full, we did a little more looking in con space until my roomies wanted to go see the Masquerade. I agreed to see what it was all about. I lasted about 3 minutes before I stood up and shouted "DONE!" and stormed back to the zoo.

There, I sat down at a table where  Inoby was and I just happen to off-handedly mention that I loved their work. He then thanks me and reaches into his laptop case and hands me a copy of his art CD for free. To be honest, it's that sincerity that I love. Also I has a good time sitting down with ya the next day and exchanged horror creeper/stalker stories, you're an awesome guy. So Inoby if you're reading this, I WILL be giving you something in return.

I was also given the pleasure with chatting with  LordGriffin a fur who's been in the game for quite a long while and I had a blast having a chat with him about fur artists before me and just things in general. He was a pleasure to talk to and I hope to meet him again.

Then a trip for some Chinese on the second floor buffet with some rather epic General Tso's chicken. Once more retiring to our room for round two of drinking.

Sunday was a blast as well. I was dragged to the fursuit dance-off and I actually made it half-way through before I was giving my room mates my watch and jewelery in hope of bribing them for me to leave.

*shrugs* I don't know I just... I don't want to sound mean but I just wasn't very impressed. Every song sounded the same, that someone took a synthesizer and threw it down a flight of stairs. I want to see people dancing to the classics OTHER than Micheal Jackson. Hell even I thought about participating next year and show you all what it all about. =p

Then that night, MOAR drinking ensued.  Anecwolf and  Rigbydingo came to hang out with a few others. However, I'm not one for sitting around and watching movies involving furry animals like Bolt. So Rigby and I left my hotel room and began to wander the lobby and singing "Killing Me Softly" for about 15 minutes.

Over the weekend  Tagard introduced the sensual and beautiful  Crimes
She is a wonderful girl and an awesome artist please go check out her art.

All-in-all that was pretty much the main highlights of my con. For my first experience it was absolutely fantastic and I am SO going back next year. Thank you all who hung out with me and I hope it's even better next year.

Next year, I'm going to be doing A LOT more and I'll hopefully have a table at artist's alley.

I just need to get laid next year cause I didn't get any~! *sad red panda faces*

Hope everyone else had a great time. =3

I'll be driving up for AC tomorrow.

If you guys are going to be there, let me know. I'll be staying at the Westin. =3

I'm nothing compared to that majority of the artists on this website. However, like most of you, I try my best to try and learn how to be better.

I'm one of those people who learn by example. I need to be shown how to do something, I'm too retarded to try and figure it out on my own.

Sadly, the majority of artists; not all mind you, when I ask for advice or how they did something. I'm ignored of told that they don't want to tell people how they drew something or came up with something.

I want to respect that. I understand that they worked hard to be where they are today, but there are people out there who learn differently. Who can't afford to go to art school and etc.

I'm going to be honest with you all. I use Photoshop CS3. I've been using Photoshop for a VERY long time. The thing is, outside of the brush and eraser tool. I'm pretty much lost on how the program works. I just simply want help but no one wants to give it to me.

Well unlike those artists, I want to teach and help those who are trying to learn. So I am offering help and guidance in the form of tutorial.

Is there something you're struggling with? Perspective, foreshortening, how to make that sex position look less awkward. Coloring, shading, etc. You name it and I will try to explain it to the best of my ability. You need something redlined. I'll add it to the tutorial and I'll explain how I do it.

What do you say guys? This is for artists of any level. We can all learn from each other.

Edit: People! I'm the one offering the tutorials. I'm not asking for them!

I am having a REALLY bad day today.

It's one of those days you want to crawl into a corner and cry your fuckin' eyes out kind of day...

Sadly, it's been like that for a while now...

As usual I'm behind the eight ball once again...

However I simply must say:

Scanty and Kneesocks from the Japanese anime "Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt" are some of the hottest anime characters I have EVER seen and I demand there be porn of them immediately. The fact that they are sisters ONLY MAKES IT HOTTER!!!

*grinds*

I'm going to be driving up to AC from North Carolina.

Anyone from NC or anyone on that way to AC need a ride, let me know.

It's going to be a VERY boring 8 hour drive and I would really like to have someone to drive with. If not I just might pay the extra $20 and just fly into PA.

Any takers?

I'm heading to AC for the first time EVARS~! Yup that's right I am breaking my convention cherry. So I was wondering who else was going to be going so I have a list of people I need to meet up with and hand out and get drunk with and other various activities. =3

Who's going?

Also I'm running to go get some noms and I'll be back to stream for the rest of the night. My Watchtail room is already open. So please stop by and watch me draw and hang out wif me. <3

I'm in a rather naughty mood tonight and I am in the mood to draw some very sexy, naughty works. The more cum the better~ <3

I'll be streaming in about 45 minutes~ Be there. =3

When shit like this is made. It makes life fun...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeNYDwbm9qw

Almost all of them are amazing.

Anyone out there with Pokemon White or Black?

I really would like a Zorua, and some of the starters. I'm a completest when it comes to this game...

So anyone willing to trade? I don't have anything spectacular in my clutches yet since I just got this game.

The thing is, when I create a pokemon party. I don't care about how strong they are since you can plow through the game with anyone. However, my party is based on who I can see my trainer/character willing to have sex with. >.>

So... any takers?

Doing a little bit of streaming before I go to bed.

Head on over to WatchTail and watch~ =3

Yeah that's right.

More of my crappy scribbles GO!~

I want to shove my cock in something!!!


Er... Hey guys~ ^_^;

Don't bother, internet wasn't complying and it didn't see like anyone cared to watch the stream.

Something that has reared it's ugly head upon me lately that I've been battling for a while now...

I have an eating disorder.

I have a hard time allowing myself to tell me that I'm full.

It's something I have always battled with, and sometimes I lose.

I can not stock up on my fridge, cause my mind begins to crave for the food I know is in there. Despite the fact I know I'm not hungry.

That when my room mates cook dinner I have to forcefully tell myself that I don't have to finish EVERYTHING.

I am able to consume amounts of food that have put men twice my size to shame.

That I am literally a local legend in Rochester at a local burger joint called Steve T's (formally Nick Tahou's). The cooks actually have my number at the restaurant, so that if anyone starts gloating about how much food they can eat. They call me and ask if I want to enter an eating contest.

 spikefoxx is a witness to it.

I get this odd sense of pride that I am able to eat amounts of food, most would consider inhuman. How I can eat pounds of food and three hours later blurt out, "I'm hungry." I have rang up triple digit bills at restaurants all by myself. I once ate 83 soft tacos from Taco Bell. And I swore I could of squeezed a few more but everyone in the party ran out of money.

And yet... it's a miracle I'm not over 300 pounds. I think I have an insane metabolism to be honest. I tried eating right and working out every day and the personal train had to stop cause he thought he was going to kill me I was losing weight so fast (44 pounds in 20 days).

My last trip to North Carolina, I gained 30 pounds. Eating out every breakfast, lunch, and dinner because my father could afford to really took it's toll on me. And to be honest, with the amount of food I ate, I probably should have gained more.

It's really tough. In high school, I was that typical jock. Quarterback of the high school team. Stayed after school every day and worked out for two hours. Woke up two hours before the morning bus would show just so I could squeeze in a 3 mile run in. I was rocking an insane body and I was damn proud of it (My lowest BMI was about 5.4).

Some where after school I lost it, perhaps it was the realization I wasn't going to play college football or any professional sport. I just stopped caring. That all those years of watching what I ate, I just said, "Fuck it. I want a god damned burger and put everything you have on it." And realized it was delicious.

That after high school, the gym actually cost money and that work was more important.

It's tough though. There's no way to ever stop my cravings for food, but only to try and slow it down. To tell myself, "I know they're getting a pizza, but you're only going to have one slice. If there are left overs... oh well."

I know it's a tad extreme but my problem is that, one I derail, I struggle to get back on. Usually it's when clothes stop fitting that I buckle down. The problem though is that... I want my high school body back. I miss those days where I looked for an excuse to take my shirt off to show off my abs. I missed that feeling when girls (and some men) snuck glances at me. Sure it sounds a little dickish but if you've ever experienced, you know how amazing it feels.

I'm down here in North Carolina once more, this time... I have to try harder. My dad's apartment has a gym that you can use any time and it's free. He has a bike that he never uses and I need to make better choices when I go out to eat.

It's already tough for a normal person to try and lose weight. For the demons I fight with everytime I think of food, it's a whole different level.

... according to the Australian government anyways.

It seems Aussie Parliament has passed new dictation that all women with "small breasts" are to be banned from adult themed movies.

I think this is an atrocity to small-breasted women everywhere. That, according to the Aussie government, small-breasted models and adult actresses look minor.

So now, actresses up to their late-20's are now out of work because they look young.

Don't get me wrong world, I'm all against pedophilia. But this is sexist, and demeaning to women. Women are already under a lot of stress to look "normal" or "perfect" in the eyes of men and society and this only makes it worse...

You know what...

Remember that "Draw Mohammad Day"?

Screw it, how about we draw small-breasted women, with some kind of Aussie theme?

I don't think it would be a bad idea. Pass this along all who agree with me. Send this to artists and friends alike. I, a man who loves small-breasted women, am appalled.

Itty bitty titties need love too!

WHO'S WITH ME?!

*Lifts up stylus with Braveheart face paint on*

Link about story here: http://www.somebodythinkofthechildr.....small-breasts/

Mind you this is a few months old and I'm sad I didn't find this out sooner. But we need to show people that something needs to be done. If you want to participate in this. Please let me know~!! I will create a journal and link every piece made. If you're a small-breasted Aussie woman, please participate. If your single, give me your number.

What does a man have to do to get a job anymore?

I've been without a job now for over six months. I've applied to more places than I can care to count. Gone to more interviews that I can tie a tie in my sleep.

Yet, time and time again...

I'm borrowing money for food. Mooching off of people and staying up at night wondering how I'm going to pay this month's rent.

I'm tired of the hand-me-outs, the sympathetic "I'm sorry to hear that"s, and the occasional "if I could help you I would"s...

I'm a grown man with pride... I'm not afraid to work for my money. I want to work for my money. But until then... I have nothing.

New York State still won't give me unemployment, my credit card is maxed out, collection calls start from 8am and don't stop until 8pm. I just cashed in the last of my loose change...

Every time I hear my phone ring, I pray it was a place I applied to.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I honestly don't.

Every person who I talk to makes it sound like there's an easy solution but I'm too stubborn to do anything. Yet, I'm the one running around like a retard, blowing money on gas to drive my poor ass to places while they go to work and collect a paycheck.

It's so fuckin' easy apparently.

Fuck you...