Was unable to log into this account because I had factory reset my computer and I did not know my password. Had been logged into this account for so long without logging out.

I do not log in very often on any of my accounts so please be patient if I don't respond to your notes right away. I am moving to a different account that I will announce later because I still want people to contact me at dumbmonsterfursuits Not much will be posted there for quite awhile as I've been in a massive art block since Toast passed away. I ended up overwhelming myself in art commissions I couldn't finish and I will slowly be refunding those who had commissioned me. I just haven't been able to afford it yet as I don't have a steady income. Once everything is refunded I will NOT be opening art commissions again. If they ever are opened again it would only be one or two commissions at a time.

Fursuits are being made slowly but surely. I will be making more premades at some point this year. Thinking about making a shark next.

IF YOU NOTE ME HERE IT WILL LIKELY NOT BE READ SO PLEASE NOTE ME AT  dumbmonsterfursuits

Posting this journal again since it is the last day-

So transthetics,com is doing a contest to win one of their real EZP packers. These are like $200 devices that look incredibly realistic and the reviews for them are amazing.

You can help my chances of winning by entering through my link http://transthetics.ref-r.com/c/i/3473/692417
I really won't be able to afford an STP packer for quite a long time so any help is greatly appreciated.
You'll be able to get a link yourself to share to up your chances as well

I wish you guys luck as well

---

So as said before I will be back January, might not be the very beginning but I will be back next month for sure. I have not been reading notes, I'll talk further into that when I post a journal saying I'm back. This hiatus has been doing me a lot of good. I'm feeling a lot more refreshed. I have not been drawing though so I'll need to do some practice art to get back into the swing of things. I don't want to be spitting out crappy art for you guys.
If you have any concerns please note me with a title that sums up what the note is about. I won't be reading notes until January though. Thank you so so so much for everyone's patience.

One of the things that has been causing me emotional and mental hell lately is the passing of some of my ratties. Arya, Toast, Coffee and Hound are all at the rainbow bridge and the rest of my ratties are all old as well so it's only a matter of time before another rattie joins them. I've never had to experience death before this and it has been hitting me so hard. It's been four months since Toast passed and I still cry about it. She is and always will be my precious angel.

 dumbmonsterfursuits

There will be premades for sale there and stuff. Expect to see a pretty awesome ferret partial for sale there soon.
We aren't taking commissions until further notice

So I RARELY wear my feet paws because they are a bit too small for me and hurt my feet pretty bad. They are used but still in very good condition

Some photos of my paws in action so to speak
http://sta.sh/02g55djz67hi
http://sta.sh/02fzhx9icj9g
http://sta.sh/0lasq8bhdgm
http://sta.sh/06hftdngj0m

And of course the maker's photo collage http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11149803/

I can upload more pictures of the paws after I clean them

I'm asking for $100 which includes shipping as long as you are in the US

Just comment or note me if you are interested

EDIT! I forgot to mention that the feet are men's size 8 and women's size 9

As for the update I wanted to say I'll be back in January so expect lots of streams then. I will not be accepting new commissions until my entire queue is cleared and even then I probably won't be accepting very many if any at all for awhile. I will however be selling premade fursuit parts once I get a lot of my queue cleared up. I MIGHT do custom pieces if I have the colors already.

So transthetics,com is doing a contest to win one of their real EZP packers. These are like $200 devices that look incredibly realistic and the reviews for them are amazing.

You can help my chances of winning by entering through my link http://transthetics.ref-r.com/c/i/3473/692417
I really won't be able to afford an STP packer for quite a long time so any help is greatly appreciated.
You'll be able to get a link yourself to share to up your chances as well

I wish you guys luck as well

I'm taking a short hiatus because I'm in a never ending cycle of stress right now. I've been seeing a therapist lately and she has 'diagnosed' me with severe generalized and social anxiety but hasn't really prescribed me with anything and when I asked about medication she told me to talk to my doctor but my doctor tells me to talk to a therapist. So I'm going to try and get that sorted out. I really want to get on at least ADD meds because my motivation and energy levels are fucking shot. And everything else is stressing me out and then coming on to FA stresses me out even more. So I'm going to take some time away from the computer and internet in general for a little while.
In my time away I'm going to focus on getting a job, sorting out the whole medication thing and trying to start living a more active lifestyle. I want my time offline to be very productive. If I don't start changing my life fast I don't know how much longer I will be able to keep on going. Ending it all is a thought that crosses my mind way more often than it should. And I need to get help before it's too late.
A lot of shit has been going on and I can't handle much more of it. Usually I'm probably more open with you guys than I should be but this is something I really don't want to talk about but it's pretty serious.
By changing my life it's gonna help some people really close to me to change their lives as well.

If you have commissioned me your art will be done and I'm very very very sorry for the delay. I don't think being a commission artist is the right thing for me right now so commissions are closed until I get my shit together.
I don't know how long it will be until I am back but I'm going to try and take the least amount of time away as possible.

This is way too much in such a short span of time. I don't know what to do. Arya is hardly eating and drinking she used to happily drink all her medicine mixed in ensure but now only takes a couple licks then refuses to drink anymore. I put her in the hospital cage so I can keep it cleaner and keep her near us. She isn't even drinking.
I don't think she has much longer and I'm not ready to lose her.

Reed started showing signs of respiratory distress not long after Coffee passed away and he looked extremely depressed. I think his brother being gone stressed him out. He is responding well to the medicine though.

I'm freaking out, I want to just lay in a corner and just cry until I can't anymore. I don't know what to do to make the pain easier. I don't handle death well
We buried Coffee in front of the house but we want to cremate Arya and I'm not financially ready for that.
Zach just started his job yesterday but he still has awhile to go before payday probably.
I'm having a hard time motivating myself to do anything right now.
I think I need to take a break from having rats/pets for awhile after they are all gone. But I dread the thought of not being able to snuggle rats in the morning or before bed. And right now we have seven rats. SEVEN rats who are all getting old and nearing the end of their lifespan. I can't go through this that many times in such a short amount of time. I don't know what to do. There isn't anything I CAN do short of adopting some out but I don't want to give up anyone. My babies arent disposable or replaceable.

I feel like I'm mentally falling apart

Coffee passed away some time between last night and this morning... I barely had time to grieve before I had to leave to go to petsmart as I was scheduled to volunteer. They had me go home after the cages were clean though which I'm grateful for because I don't think I could have pet cats all day with coffee on my mind.
I'm trying to choose where to bury him. Since we are renting this house if I bury him here and when we move in a couple years I won't be able to visit his grave anymore...so I don't know what to do.
I knew this was coming because his health was in decline and none of the medicines were working. But it still...is really hard to cope with his passing.
I wish I spent more time with him in the past couple days.
R.I.P. Coffee Bean, take care of Toast at the rainbow bridge for me

So first off I'm volunteering at a cat adoption thing in petsmart and I'm starting tomorrow. I'm extremely excited. I haven't been out of the house to do anything in a long time. I think this is really gonna help pull me out of my depression. I'm hopefully going to be able to stay the full four hours they are open tomorrow and then I'll be going back on Saturday too.

I'm also trying to get a job at the petsmart this place is. But I realized my ID is expired...and Zach is getting a job at a warehouse and he NEEDS a health card to work there. So I need to raise about $50 to get my ID and his card.

So send me a note about commissions. I didn't want to accept anymore until I worked through more of my queue but this is kind of severely important. Neither me nor Zach can get a job until we have these and Zach is going for his drug test tomorrow. He starts work in a couple of weeks and has to have a valid health card to work. I'm also going to need to accept commissions for bus money for him because he is going to be working literally a town over. So he has to take a shuttle to and from. It's about an hour away.
But I should be able to work down my queue a little bit by then.

Life has just been making things super difficult for me. Coffee is still alive but it doesn't look like he is ever going to get better, It's just a matter of time before it happens. I've been having a hard time getting motivated to do anything because of his and Arya's ever changing condition. Coffee is so skinny it feels like he is going to break apart when I hold him. He just feels so fragile. I've been feeding him ensure and giving him medicine but the medicine has not been helping at all so I finally took him off the baytril today. I'm just going to have to let him live out his days til he is clearly suffering...
Sooo yeah....those are my updates

Note me if you are interested in a commission. It would mean the world to me as both me and Zach really need to get working.

I was so full of confidence yesterday. Confident that I would finally start going somewhere in life. I felt like I had a purpose. Today I just don't even want to exist. One of the most important people in my life always seems like he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. It fucking tears me apart. I don't know what to do, if there is anything that even should be done. I wish I could just fade out of existance.

So Coffee is still alive, not necessarily well but alive. I was told he has a bad heart and the kindest option would be to have him put down. I was going to do that this weekend until I found out is was $150 to PTS. I feel like he has been doing better though and I'm not ready to let him go. He REALLY doesn't look like he is suffering to me. He is breathing really heavy but otherwise he is doing fine, he is still eating and drinking but he is awfully thin. I don't know how much longer he was but if he does start to look like he is in pain then I will have to get him put down...I'm probably going to have to look into putting him to sleep at home thought with the rat guide's HUMANE PAINLESS method.
I don't know what to expect with Arya, some days you wouldn't know she was sick other days she looks like she might pass any minute. Today she is doing great. Yesterday I thought she wouldn't make it through the night. I'm really hoping the baytril really is helping her otherwise I need to take her to the vet. I probably should be taking her to the vet right now but I already have a lengthy queue and can't add any more to it right now other than really small commissions which I'm going to need to do to get a new ID (mine expired) and a health card for Zach cause he is getting a job,

Speaking of Jobs, I'm trying REALLY hard to get a job at petsmart right now. I've decided I need a stable job with a stable income. I'll still do commissions on the side if I do get the job of course. I'm doing everything I can to get my foot in the door. I went in with my resume to both stores I applied at and introduced myself to the managers letting them know I'm extremely interested in working there. And I'm signing up to volunteer at one of the petsmarts I applied at. The volunteering I will be doing is for a volunteer thing only so it won't interfere with my chances of being hired. I haven't been accepted yet to volunteer but I'm going to be persistent.

As for art this week I'm going to continue working today but first I need to clean the rat cages. I can't do that until after the pool guys clean the pool cause otherwise they will rat us out on having rats.

LIFE GOALS! I decided that I want to pursue a career in the veterinary field. I'm going to be looking into it and seeing if I can go to school to be a vet tech and then continue school later on to become a licensed vet. Working at petsmart and volunteering for animal related things will hopefully help me get into a veterinary college. And then I can continue working at petsmart part time while going to school (I hope). I still have a lot of thought to put into this and figuring out if this is right for me. No matter what I'm pretty sure I want a career dealing with animals. If there is one thing I'm more passionate about than art, it truly is our fuzzy little friends,

I'm moving art to next week, I'm terrified that he isn't going to make it. He was laying inside the wooden log in their cage which is what Toast did when she passed. He is so skinny and is breathing so heavy. I've been giving him ensure but it hasn't helped much other than keeping him from getting even skinnier. I'm praying the baytril starts helping before it's too late.
I have a friend who has a nebulizer so I'm going to see if they wouldn't mind treating Coffee with it sometime today
I'm not ready to go through this again. Not that I would ever be but not this soon after losing Toast

So I'm probably not going to be able to finish the picture leftover from yesterday and the two pics from today. I'm probably not going to be able to start drawing til like 7 or 8pm pacific time and I usually go to bed at about 2am. I'll try to finish what I can and stick to the schedule I set to the best of my abilities but there aren't any promises. Just wanted to let you all know what was going on.

On the bright side, I'm gonna make some deviled eggs today mmm

So I told my dad BEFORE I bought the baytril that I was going to do that and not have money leftover. Now he is saying he needs $80 practically immediately. I'd only need $30 had I not bought baytril... Well it's better this way because my rats need baytril.
I'm also already behind on the schedule I set because I've been busy with chores and cooking all day. I chose a two hour meal.
My stress levels are through the roof

Almost every single penny I've gotten has been spent on medicine. A total of $105, I literally only had .34 cents to spare.
I spent $30 on a 10ml bottle of doxy from the vet (BIG mistake but I had to because I was about to run out and hadn't known I could order online) I then bought a 50ml bottle of doxy for $25 and a 100ml bottle of baytril for $50.
I should be set on medicine for a good long while in case of emergencies. Which I think is extremely important as my rats are getting pretty old now, I also got in depth dosage information so I don't accidentally give too much or too little. I know a lot of people don't approve of self medicating but I feel pretty confident about it especially since the vet I went to only prescribed doxy for 10 days which is kinda more or less inaccurate. And I refer to the rat guide A LOT and I always have the support and help of the rat fan club and rat forum.
So I feel really happy and prepared now. This way I hopefully don't ever have to go through what happened with Toast...if I would have already had the doxy and baytril I could have started her immediately and my dad could have medicated her over the weekend I was gone instead of having to wait to take her to the vet when I got back only for the vet to prescribe medicine that would have worked better with baytril.

So yea... Unfortunately now I don't have any money to go toward the bills so I'll be opening commissions up again next week
I also need to pay for my boyfriend's health card and start saving up for xmas and shit.
Times like these make me wish I had a steady income but I will not touch patreon with a ten foot pole. I may have slight commitment issues.

Today I plan on getting some of my bigger commissions out of the way
I have multiple things to do today along with commissions (house and family stuff)

So I probably won't get a lot done but I hope to have Eltigero's fullbody done today and Lore's twins.

Tuesday I intend to work on mutzie and pumpkin's full bodies

Wednesday I will be working on Dillon and Metalwolf's badges

Thursday and Friday I will be working on FNAF icons

Next week I will be taking more FNAF icon commissions and working on things not included in this list or things I didn't finish this week

Meant to post this yesterday, art will commence on Monday.
I USUALLY don't draw on weekends and I'm going to update my ToS with this

But I am so stressed right now it's physically uncomfortable

Anyone have any stress reducing solutions
I'm on the verge of a panic attack

Coffee and Arya are showing very clear signs of respiratory distress and both are hardly moving around. Arya hasn't even tried to get off the bed. Arya has lost some weight but Coffee is skin and bones.
I don't need to take them to the vet yet as I still have amoxicillin and doxycycline but if they don't show improvement I'll need to.
I can't lose two more. Especially not after losing Toast only two weeks ago...
I'll want to get Arya cremated if it comes down to it.... I just really hope it doesn't come down to it....

So like every one has been talking about them lately, my boyfriend even was telling me I should get one.
Truthfully I really don't feel like I need one. I'm so used to looking at the screen while I draq with a tablet in my lap. I also extremely dislike drawing on big surfaces, especially since my tablet sits in my lap.

I'd happily get a tablet with better sensitivity but not when it's a $1500 piece of equipment with a glossy screen and a shit ton of cords. I'd probably break it within a week on accident.

Even right now as I'm typing Zach is showing me cintiqs

Ugh

Edit: okay Zach may have convinced me to get a cintiq hybrid companion

So like every one has been talking about them lately, my boyfriend even was telling me I should get one.
Truthfully I really don't feel like I need one. I'm so used to looking at the screen while I draq with a tablet in my lap. I also extremely dislike drawing on big surfaces, especially since my tablet sits in my lap.

I'd happily get a tablet with better sensitivity but not when it's a $1500 piece of equipment with a glossy screen and a shit ton of cords. I'd probably break it within a week on accident.

Even right now as I'm typing Zach is showing me cintiqs

Ugh

These will be drawn and colored on sketch paper, laminated and shipped.

Examples -
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14445376/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14451417/ (the three badges on the left)
(non traditional examples)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10898261/

Headshot- $8 (approximately 4-5 inches)
Bust- $15 (Approximately 8-9 inches)
Waist up- $20 (Approximately 10 inches)
Full body- $30 (Size will vary)
Plus shipping ($3 for US)

Open for five slots

1. metalwolf423
2.
3.
4.
5.

I keep getting sad and thinking I'll go snuggle Toast, that will make me feel better and then I get more sad because it dawns on me I can't do that anymore... How long will it be before it doesn't hurt so bad anymore?

Trying to sell some of these so I can afford to get some stuff to do a memorial service for Toast and so I can commission a special picture of her

Feel free to make an offer for any of these
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13683157/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13654562/ (blue and white one)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13544544/ only 3 and 4 are available

I'll take pretty much any reasonable offer