amidst all the rioting, im celebrating 33 years of slowly dying also known as living! ^^ i dont have any miraculous plans besides hanging out with some of my fam an friends. otherwise its a typical day.

So here's the next one of these things. the virus whom-shall-not-be-named has not made it easy for me, (for my demographic really) and that has caused some stress points in day to day living. so something i havent mentioned before is that im houseless going through this...this, crisis? catastrophe? cristastrophe? whatever. and with everywhere being shut down to some degree or another, i have nowhere to spend my time. i have/had a pt job, but that was cleaning up after messy people in the stadium. and nearby family and friends will only let me visit for a few hours before i got to leave. its not all bad though, im not sleeping on the streets of seattle, but at a mission and i dont have to worry about food either. bathrooms are a big issue. About 80% of the crap i hear of now is a bunch of hysterical people whompreviously werent germaphobes, the gov. doing "something" about this thing, and fear-mongering christians shouting repent or die! as if it were ragnarok. that kinda crap just rubs me the wrong way, most likely because the way i see it is if someone does join whatever religious group out of utter fear did they really choose or were they forced?

So this is the 1st entry i'm doin. not sure how many or how long i'm gonna do this or what i'll type, but i'm jus gonna put some thoughts down somewhere. here's as good a place as any. so to start things off, lately i've been toyin around with the idea of startin up some art classes (Associate of Art) at the local college near me. after gettin a scholarship that is, which i'll have to transfer to another college after 2 yrs to finish said art degree. but what's holdin me back, besides myself, is virtually nothin. I just gotta start the steps and let it fly. but I keep thinkin of how it would impact my schedule of the things that I have to do every week and tryin to work out how I could do all of them and not lose any one of them. :T also my living situation isnt exactly the best or ideal by any margin. often times i wonder why it's so hard for me to take that first step even when i know just about everything i need to do and how easy it is to do, but i just balk. letting the time and opportunity slip by. i know that i need to work on that and the laziness, the procrastination, the self doubt, etc. at least i'm aware of what i need to do, but all the rejection i've gotten in my present job searching is really eatin at my resolve. i've been lookin for a steady job for close to 2 yrs and only a handful of interviews that almost went somewhere. the temp service i'm goin through only has a few jobs this month and idk if i'm goin to stay with'em much longer cause the end time will leave my wonderin as to where i'll be sleepin.