FA+
Shop
PATREON is Live!!
Posted 3 months agoHeyo, it's been a while (here on FurAffinity, at least!).
I've been -very- busy with art outside of here, but my next step is to start uploading all the art you've missed out on throughout the last year or two!
Part of that is an effort to become more active outside my usual circles and client list, and with that I'd like to announce I have finally launched a much requested Patreon!
https://www.patreon.com/c/artbyausu.....view_as=patron
If you'd like to support me as an artist and enjoy the work I do please take 2 minutes to take a peek at the available tiers!
I spent a good while planning them, so that both are pretty good value in very, very different ways, and cater to different types of followers - either those who simply enjoy seeing the art, or those who want an exceptional discount (and a heck of a free gift by the end!)
So stay tuned for lots more content and feel free to note me with any questions and whatnot! :3
I've been -very- busy with art outside of here, but my next step is to start uploading all the art you've missed out on throughout the last year or two!
Part of that is an effort to become more active outside my usual circles and client list, and with that I'd like to announce I have finally launched a much requested Patreon!
https://www.patreon.com/c/artbyausu.....view_as=patron
If you'd like to support me as an artist and enjoy the work I do please take 2 minutes to take a peek at the available tiers!
I spent a good while planning them, so that both are pretty good value in very, very different ways, and cater to different types of followers - either those who simply enjoy seeing the art, or those who want an exceptional discount (and a heck of a free gift by the end!)
So stay tuned for lots more content and feel free to note me with any questions and whatnot! :3
Where Am I?
Posted 10 months agoWhere To Find Me
Posted a year agoIn light of this recent tragedy I figured it'd be reasonable to make this announcement, considering the short-term future of FurAffinity is nebulous at the moment.
I have not been uploading art to any gallery specifically but I have been actively doing art ever since I somewhat left - the most reliable way to continue enjoying my art is joining my TELEGRAM ART CHANNEL, or following me on BLUESKY!
It is free, comes with WIP insights, some polls, dibs on commission openings, and while it's a small community it's been providing members with more engagement and genuine interactions than any remaining "gallery" I have tried.
If this sounds 'opportune' it was not my intention - we just need to face the reality that this unfortunate circumstance could lead to a future where there is no Fur Affinity for the community, in which way thousands and thousands would lose contact with their favourite artists and friends.
So if you still would like to remain in touch, or have before and still appreciate my art (or just want to show your support! ^ ^) this telegram channel - at the moment - is the best way to keep doing so for the foreseeable future.
I have not been uploading art to any gallery specifically but I have been actively doing art ever since I somewhat left - the most reliable way to continue enjoying my art is joining my TELEGRAM ART CHANNEL, or following me on BLUESKY!
It is free, comes with WIP insights, some polls, dibs on commission openings, and while it's a small community it's been providing members with more engagement and genuine interactions than any remaining "gallery" I have tried.
If this sounds 'opportune' it was not my intention - we just need to face the reality that this unfortunate circumstance could lead to a future where there is no Fur Affinity for the community, in which way thousands and thousands would lose contact with their favourite artists and friends.
So if you still would like to remain in touch, or have before and still appreciate my art (or just want to show your support! ^ ^) this telegram channel - at the moment - is the best way to keep doing so for the foreseeable future.
BlueSky Account!
Posted 2 years agoMuch like I'm trying to move galleries ( make sure to check out my Itaku: https://itaku.ee/profile/ausup ), I've been trying to free myself from Twitter, its broken algorithm and the myriad of awful, horrible things the platform keeps pushing to anyone.
Twitter's become ostensibly anti-indie artist with algorithm changes as well as flat out social directives. The 2000+ following I have there feels like a joke considering it seems impossible to reach more than 0.5-1.0% engagement of ANY sort on any artistic endeavour.
BlueSky, on that end alone, already feels considerably more promising, and I'd rather start back from ZERO in a platform where my followers ACTUALLY get to enjoy my content rather than have big numbers on a platform whose wistful weekly changes has effectively cut most creators off from their fanbase.
That being said, it would be LOVELY if I could eventually grow enough on BlueSky to ditch Twitter altogether.
Help.. free.. me! xD
https://bsky.app/profile/ausup.bsky.social
Not to mention its sweet simplicity feels reminiscent of 'the good ol' days', when massive corporations didn't understand the internet, when they weren't trying to monetize every single millisecond of user interaction - BlueSky is like meditating to sounds of rainfall as opposed to Twitter's stuck-on-an-i95-traffic-jam-in-front-of-a-loud-construction-zone-surrounded-by-billboards.
I really hope it takes off, and I really hope this account takes off. I miss being able to have art speak for itself. So many of us are artists, not influencers...
I don't want to tell you to HIT THAT LIKE BUTTON.
I don't want to advertise EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS - MY DOG ATE MY PAYCHECK every time I have a few slots open.
I don't want to become a Jake Paul facsimile just to compete with all the sponsored and algorithm-boosted noise in some dystopian information avenue.
I just.. want to be an artist. And doodle my lil' weasels and paint my lil' possums.
If you like it, let me know - the support makes a huge difference.
Blue Sky - and I completely understand just HOW optimistic I'm being in the 2023 internet age - feels like it could be that place.
So let's build ourselves a new home.
One we can own and be proud of.. until years from now some H.O.A. establishes itself and Elon Musks the entire thing into the ground again xD
https://bsky.app/profile/ausup.bsky.social
Twitter's become ostensibly anti-indie artist with algorithm changes as well as flat out social directives. The 2000+ following I have there feels like a joke considering it seems impossible to reach more than 0.5-1.0% engagement of ANY sort on any artistic endeavour.
BlueSky, on that end alone, already feels considerably more promising, and I'd rather start back from ZERO in a platform where my followers ACTUALLY get to enjoy my content rather than have big numbers on a platform whose wistful weekly changes has effectively cut most creators off from their fanbase.
That being said, it would be LOVELY if I could eventually grow enough on BlueSky to ditch Twitter altogether.
Help.. free.. me! xD
https://bsky.app/profile/ausup.bsky.social
Not to mention its sweet simplicity feels reminiscent of 'the good ol' days', when massive corporations didn't understand the internet, when they weren't trying to monetize every single millisecond of user interaction - BlueSky is like meditating to sounds of rainfall as opposed to Twitter's stuck-on-an-i95-traffic-jam-in-front-of-a-loud-construction-zone-surrounded-by-billboards.
I really hope it takes off, and I really hope this account takes off. I miss being able to have art speak for itself. So many of us are artists, not influencers...
I don't want to tell you to HIT THAT LIKE BUTTON.
I don't want to advertise EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS - MY DOG ATE MY PAYCHECK every time I have a few slots open.
I don't want to become a Jake Paul facsimile just to compete with all the sponsored and algorithm-boosted noise in some dystopian information avenue.
I just.. want to be an artist. And doodle my lil' weasels and paint my lil' possums.
If you like it, let me know - the support makes a huge difference.
Blue Sky - and I completely understand just HOW optimistic I'm being in the 2023 internet age - feels like it could be that place.
So let's build ourselves a new home.
One we can own and be proud of.. until years from now some H.O.A. establishes itself and Elon Musks the entire thing into the ground again xD
https://bsky.app/profile/ausup.bsky.social
Moving to Itaku
Posted 2 years agoSelf-explanatory!
If you would like to keep following my work, or if you would like to commission then make sure to follow along at either Itaku - https://itaku.ee/profile/ausup - or join my Telegram Art Channel at - https://t.me/ausupart -.
I'm slowly re-uploading my older work, but from now on FurAffinity will no longer be a place to contact me or follow my work.
Thank you for all your support but the complete lack of community interaction and the fact my commissions sell through other means has rendered maintaining this gallery nothing but busy work.
If you would like to keep following my work, or if you would like to commission then make sure to follow along at either Itaku - https://itaku.ee/profile/ausup - or join my Telegram Art Channel at - https://t.me/ausupart -.
I'm slowly re-uploading my older work, but from now on FurAffinity will no longer be a place to contact me or follow my work.
Thank you for all your support but the complete lack of community interaction and the fact my commissions sell through other means has rendered maintaining this gallery nothing but busy work.
Telegram Art Channel (+Commission Updates!)
Posted 3 years agoIf you want to keep track of all the new, most recent art, updated commission info, exclusive deals, then the best way to do it is joining my Telegram Art Channel!
I keep it pretty focused on ART itself, and it's rare I'll post a poll here and there - work in progress sketches are also going to be uploaded there so if you like that kind of thing feel free to drop by!
Here's the linky~! --> https://t.me/ausupart
I keep it pretty focused on ART itself, and it's rare I'll post a poll here and there - work in progress sketches are also going to be uploaded there so if you like that kind of thing feel free to drop by!
Here's the linky~! --> https://t.me/ausupart
Lots of Art Coming Right Up!
Posted 6 years agoJust a short, quick note to let everyone know despite of the state of this gallery I've been very VERY active with art this year - possibly more than ever! - I've just not been spending much time uploading it to galleries.
Full disclosure, about 80-90% of my commission inquiries comes from either Twitter, word of mouth, or returning customers - I literally cannot remember the last time posting something on FA lead to a reasonable enough interaction from people to warrant the time it takes to fumble one's way through the whole uploading process, let alone the last time anyone's directly found and commissioned me through this gallery alone.
Therefore, with a consistently full queue, involving lots of complex projects like FaceRigs, it's really hard to justify sacrificing time that could be used with art to instead try and showcase it on a website where the level of interaction has dropped next to zero compared to when I first joined.
This, of course, saddens me, because this is basically where I started my freelance career, back when people were still passionate about the whole community and excited about its future, and albeit I have trekked all over the internet trying all manner of alternative furry galleries the reality seems to be those are basically on life support, replaced by the quick and easy mass exposure and interaction provided by social media - this SUCKS. You can access a gallery and easily go through somebody's body of work, but try and do that on someone's Twitter account.
Unfortunately, it's the state of affairs right now, and I don't see that changing for a good few years. While I'll try and keep up and catch up and upload my work here, it'll likely be posted in the frame of most artists' nowadays - no tags, no title, no description, no links to characters. It's messy, and goes so against my "Feng Shui", but it'd considerably cut down on the hassle.
So yeah, I should actively be advertising for commissions some time mid/late November if I can finally catch up with my queue, so keep an eye out for more work coming up, and always feel free to reach out if you're interested - my notes are always open (as am I - usually!)
Full disclosure, about 80-90% of my commission inquiries comes from either Twitter, word of mouth, or returning customers - I literally cannot remember the last time posting something on FA lead to a reasonable enough interaction from people to warrant the time it takes to fumble one's way through the whole uploading process, let alone the last time anyone's directly found and commissioned me through this gallery alone.
Therefore, with a consistently full queue, involving lots of complex projects like FaceRigs, it's really hard to justify sacrificing time that could be used with art to instead try and showcase it on a website where the level of interaction has dropped next to zero compared to when I first joined.
This, of course, saddens me, because this is basically where I started my freelance career, back when people were still passionate about the whole community and excited about its future, and albeit I have trekked all over the internet trying all manner of alternative furry galleries the reality seems to be those are basically on life support, replaced by the quick and easy mass exposure and interaction provided by social media - this SUCKS. You can access a gallery and easily go through somebody's body of work, but try and do that on someone's Twitter account.
Unfortunately, it's the state of affairs right now, and I don't see that changing for a good few years. While I'll try and keep up and catch up and upload my work here, it'll likely be posted in the frame of most artists' nowadays - no tags, no title, no description, no links to characters. It's messy, and goes so against my "Feng Shui", but it'd considerably cut down on the hassle.
So yeah, I should actively be advertising for commissions some time mid/late November if I can finally catch up with my queue, so keep an eye out for more work coming up, and always feel free to reach out if you're interested - my notes are always open (as am I - usually!)
Christmas YCH?
Posted 7 years agoI'm strongly considering making a Christmas YCH.
Trying to figure out a cool idea.
I'm wondering how many of you would be interested in something like that :3
Trying to figure out a cool idea.
I'm wondering how many of you would be interested in something like that :3
25% OFF Lemurs or Tickles NOVEMBER DEAL!!
Posted 7 years agoSo I'm starting a set of unique monthly deals! Every month I'll try and pick one species and one theme to offer at a discount!
1 slot for each, so only one lemur picture gets the discount, only one tickle picture gets the discount - FIRST COME FIRST SERVED. (And no - they don't 'stack' XD)
Save possibly OVER 100 DOLLARS on a multi-character picture! So hit your friends up and organize a group picture!
Share this info with anyone you want - it's always appreciated! ^^
This deal is ONLY available until the last day of November, so if you've been waiting for something like this now is the time! =D
TOS is available on my 'Commissions' tab!
1 slot for each, so only one lemur picture gets the discount, only one tickle picture gets the discount - FIRST COME FIRST SERVED. (And no - they don't 'stack' XD)
Save possibly OVER 100 DOLLARS on a multi-character picture! So hit your friends up and organize a group picture!
Share this info with anyone you want - it's always appreciated! ^^
This deal is ONLY available until the last day of November, so if you've been waiting for something like this now is the time! =D
TOS is available on my 'Commissions' tab!
Last Chance on Hallowing YCH~!
Posted 7 years agoJust two hours left for bidding!
If you wanna steal a slot now's the time! ^^
PS.: Bidding adds 6 hours to the clock, so no need to wait to "snipe it"
BID and INFO HERE
If you wanna steal a slot now's the time! ^^
PS.: Bidding adds 6 hours to the clock, so no need to wait to "snipe it"
BID and INFO HERE
Halloween YCH - Few Spots Left!!
Posted 7 years agoTwo of the spots have already been claimed! Two others have been bid on - hurry up and don't miss your chance!
Bidding should end soon after the spots are filled, and I do plan on delivering this before Halloween, so the quicker it fills the better the chances it arrives early! ^^
BID and INFO HERE
Bidding should end soon after the spots are filled, and I do plan on delivering this before Halloween, so the quicker it fills the better the chances it arrives early! ^^
BID and INFO HERE
Commissions Update and New Stickers!
Posted 7 years agoFinally found some time to work on a few new sticker poses - including some 'couples' ones a LOT of people have been asking me for, so I'm excited for that and will let you guys know once I'm open for them again!
Speaking of opening - I haven't actively advertised here mostly because my queue's remained nearly full for the past year or so (usually get commissioned by word of mouth, or Twitter, or other art sites).
That being said, I do still have a slot or two with a completion date of about a month for now - so if you're interested in commissioning don't ever wait for a "COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN!!!1!!111!!" journal - I usually keep a good enough flow and deliver work timely enough that I always have a couple of slots available - so if you're interested hit me up! My prices and terms of service are in that one COMMISSIONS TAB that nobody uses here on FurAffinity XD
LONG STORY SHORT - If you want to commission me this month get in touch NOW! x3
Hope everyone has been doing great!
Toodles!
Speaking of opening - I haven't actively advertised here mostly because my queue's remained nearly full for the past year or so (usually get commissioned by word of mouth, or Twitter, or other art sites).
That being said, I do still have a slot or two with a completion date of about a month for now - so if you're interested in commissioning don't ever wait for a "COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN!!!1!!111!!" journal - I usually keep a good enough flow and deliver work timely enough that I always have a couple of slots available - so if you're interested hit me up! My prices and terms of service are in that one COMMISSIONS TAB that nobody uses here on FurAffinity XD
LONG STORY SHORT - If you want to commission me this month get in touch NOW! x3
Hope everyone has been doing great!
Toodles!
Now Offering TELEGRAM STICKERS!!
Posted 9 years agoI've been experimenting with these for a while, just to make sure they looked good in varied species/colour schemes and all, and I'm finally ready to start offering them!
I'll be posting more examples soon, but I'll leave a few links at the end of this journal.
Here's an EXAMPLE
As the example states, the pricing works as follows:
10 dollars for each sticker.
Every 5 stickers bought, you get an extra 1 FREE of charge.
Delivery is lightning quick, so no worrying about waiting weeks for your commission! ^^
Feel free to contact me on this journal, through the notes system, or hit me up on Telegram!
Here are some extra examples:
Clumzy, lion
Feros, hyena
Sky, fox
Kiku, otter
Logan, wolf
Shredz, tiger-fox
Rivard, otter
Jay, wolf
Ausup, foxcoon
(I'll be updating these examples as I upload more)
I'll be posting more examples soon, but I'll leave a few links at the end of this journal.
Here's an EXAMPLE
As the example states, the pricing works as follows:
10 dollars for each sticker.
Every 5 stickers bought, you get an extra 1 FREE of charge.
Delivery is lightning quick, so no worrying about waiting weeks for your commission! ^^
Feel free to contact me on this journal, through the notes system, or hit me up on Telegram!
Here are some extra examples:
Clumzy, lion
Feros, hyena
Sky, fox
Kiku, otter
Logan, wolf
Shredz, tiger-fox
Rivard, otter
Jay, wolf
Ausup, foxcoon
(I'll be updating these examples as I upload more)
Starting a FurryNetwork Gallery!
Posted 9 years agoHey hey, just to let you guys know I'm revamping my online presence.
I'll still be posting here on Fur Affinity for a while, but the website is mostly dead, so I'm trying to move on.
That's why I'm starting a new Furry Network gallery!
Please, feel free to follow me there, and hit me up and such :3
Link: https://beta.furrynetwork.com/ausup/
I'll still be posting here on Fur Affinity for a while, but the website is mostly dead, so I'm trying to move on.
That's why I'm starting a new Furry Network gallery!
Please, feel free to follow me there, and hit me up and such :3
Link: https://beta.furrynetwork.com/ausup/
$15 Paw Icons Available (Limited Time)
Posted 9 years agoSince there's been a huge amount of interest in them, I'm just posting a really short journal to let those who missed know that I'm working on some Paw Icons for $15.
They're the ones in my last submission so make sure to check that out if you're interested!
I'll post another journal soon regarding my present status, art things, gallery things, regarding the mess that's happening here and all.
But for now, PAWS! ^^
Reference or no reference, just note me if you're interested!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20151377/
They're the ones in my last submission so make sure to check that out if you're interested!
I'll post another journal soon regarding my present status, art things, gallery things, regarding the mess that's happening here and all.
But for now, PAWS! ^^
Reference or no reference, just note me if you're interested!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20151377/
Coming BACK~!
Posted 10 years agoAlright! Just as the title says!
I've had a pretty complicated past two years in my life, and those of you closer to me know mostly what I've been through and what I've been having to deal with trying to get my life back on track. Personal stuff aside, I'm close to being able to return for good, and making art like I used to.
I'm still waiting a couple of weeks before I can set up my desktop, and I'm still on the fence about getting my tablet shipped across the world, so we'll have to see how things play out.
I am, though, very soon going to start offering sketches again. If you're waiting on anything from me don't worry - I'll try to get that done before moving on. If you have been waiting to commission then wait a lil' longer and I'll soon be back to sketches and possibly coloured sketches. Digital painting itself might have to wait a bit, but we'll see how things go.
So as is of praxis whenever I go on hiatus, I'd like to ask you guys what you'd like to see from me. Go ahead, don't be shy x3
I've had a pretty complicated past two years in my life, and those of you closer to me know mostly what I've been through and what I've been having to deal with trying to get my life back on track. Personal stuff aside, I'm close to being able to return for good, and making art like I used to.
I'm still waiting a couple of weeks before I can set up my desktop, and I'm still on the fence about getting my tablet shipped across the world, so we'll have to see how things play out.
I am, though, very soon going to start offering sketches again. If you're waiting on anything from me don't worry - I'll try to get that done before moving on. If you have been waiting to commission then wait a lil' longer and I'll soon be back to sketches and possibly coloured sketches. Digital painting itself might have to wait a bit, but we'll see how things go.
So as is of praxis whenever I go on hiatus, I'd like to ask you guys what you'd like to see from me. Go ahead, don't be shy x3
Which Drawing Tablet/Laptop Should I Buy?
Posted 10 years agoSo here's the deal: My absence has to do with the fact that I haven't had a desktop for almost a year now, and won't be having one for months still. My issue is that I bought a Sony Vaio Duo13 that would serve as a mobile platform for art. I trusted Sony's customer satisfaction and decided to give N-Trig a try before Adobe and Sony both decided Vaio users were idiots that deserved no support x3
Yes, it has (terrible, 40-dollars-worth) pressure sensitivity on Photoshop, but the problem, and I believe this to be driver/software-based is it just lags horrendously, even if you delete the Windows tablet drivers (usual cause for this problem). Drawing is doable, but what I need it for the most, what my art is most easily recognizable for, PAINTING, is an impossible task, even if I keep the file resolutions to a minimum.
Even though I love this thing I have decided that since it is unfit for it's main purpose that I should move on (or in this case, backwards). What would you recommend as an all-in-one tablet/laptop/mobile drawing platform?
I know I should just get a Cintiq but I'd rather spend that amount of money on a sports car rather than a secondary drawing platform. So I'm really considering the Microsoft Surface Pro 2, as I hear it uses Wacom drivers and is more than capable of digital painting in Photoshop.
Is that true? What has YOUR experience been and what would you suggest/recommend? Also if anyone knows of any miracle "fix" for the Vaio, I'd totally be willing to try that as well.
I'm asking for help because I HATE not being able to paint/draw, and I don't wanna keep you guys waiting another 6 months for new art to roll in (including some folks who were already interested in commissions).
So please, help me out, you can make a huge difference~! If you don't know, ask your friends, they might have some ideas.
Thank you very much for everyone's help. Toodles! :3c
Yes, it has (terrible, 40-dollars-worth) pressure sensitivity on Photoshop, but the problem, and I believe this to be driver/software-based is it just lags horrendously, even if you delete the Windows tablet drivers (usual cause for this problem). Drawing is doable, but what I need it for the most, what my art is most easily recognizable for, PAINTING, is an impossible task, even if I keep the file resolutions to a minimum.
Even though I love this thing I have decided that since it is unfit for it's main purpose that I should move on (or in this case, backwards). What would you recommend as an all-in-one tablet/laptop/mobile drawing platform?
I know I should just get a Cintiq but I'd rather spend that amount of money on a sports car rather than a secondary drawing platform. So I'm really considering the Microsoft Surface Pro 2, as I hear it uses Wacom drivers and is more than capable of digital painting in Photoshop.
Is that true? What has YOUR experience been and what would you suggest/recommend? Also if anyone knows of any miracle "fix" for the Vaio, I'd totally be willing to try that as well.
I'm asking for help because I HATE not being able to paint/draw, and I don't wanna keep you guys waiting another 6 months for new art to roll in (including some folks who were already interested in commissions).
So please, help me out, you can make a huge difference~! If you don't know, ask your friends, they might have some ideas.
Thank you very much for everyone's help. Toodles! :3c
Sketch Commissions Open for 24 HOURS ONLY~!!!
Posted 10 years agoPretty straightforward - this OFFER IS ONLY VALID UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.
US$ 15 sketches (along these lines: https://twitter.com/TheAusup/status.....25779224002560) plus whatever tip you want to contribute with <3
Simple stuff, single character, no backgrounds, pay-upon-completion.
To help me keep it organized please only post here if you're interested, and it doesn't hurt to have some sort of reference at hand ^^
Again, I don't usually offer these, and when I do they're about 30 dollars, so you're getting it half-price for the next 24 hours.
Tell yer friends~ :3c
US$ 15 sketches (along these lines: https://twitter.com/TheAusup/status.....25779224002560) plus whatever tip you want to contribute with <3
Simple stuff, single character, no backgrounds, pay-upon-completion.
To help me keep it organized please only post here if you're interested, and it doesn't hurt to have some sort of reference at hand ^^
Again, I don't usually offer these, and when I do they're about 30 dollars, so you're getting it half-price for the next 24 hours.
Tell yer friends~ :3c
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME~?! (Art Question :3)
Posted 11 years agoSo, for those who still don't know, due to circumstances way beyond my control I haven't had my tablet with me for about 6 months now. HOPEFULLY that time is coming to end.
I was wondering if there's anything specific you would like to see. Take a look at my gallery and stuff and let me know. I'm all about constantly pushing my boundaries and getting better and better, so don't be afraid to toss me a curve ball.
So yush. Hopefully I'll be drawing again some time before the world ends. Let me know what you guys enjoy about my art, what you don't enjoy, and what you'd like to see more of, or what you'd like to see more instead~ :3
Thankies~ <3
I was wondering if there's anything specific you would like to see. Take a look at my gallery and stuff and let me know. I'm all about constantly pushing my boundaries and getting better and better, so don't be afraid to toss me a curve ball.
So yush. Hopefully I'll be drawing again some time before the world ends. Let me know what you guys enjoy about my art, what you don't enjoy, and what you'd like to see more of, or what you'd like to see more instead~ :3
Thankies~ <3
Birthday Tomorrow~
Posted 11 years agoI have a feeling I would regret not informing everyone that tomorrow, September 1st, is my birthday. You'd think the reason for that would be desire or need for attention, but.. it's something a lot more pathetic, honestly... I just.. need this to be acknowledged as a special day.. because to me it's more of a crucible than any reason to celebrate.
Throughout this year, this one accursed 2014, I have lost my father to cancer and been cheated out of everything I have worked my arse off for the past 4 years. All my hobbies were taken away from me, my car, my job, everything, by the complacency and incompetence of a few people representing a government I had nothing but respect for and trust in. In the process of stripping myself off of everything I had accomplished, these people have also locked me away from every single friend I had made, the very people I was praying I'd be able to grow old with and spend the rest of my life with, the people I had started considering like family.
I have been left with nothing but a massive dent in my finances, 4 years of my professional/academic life wasted, virtually no future (unless I start over from scratch and blow another 4-5 years studying, unable to work), but the cherry on top of the cake is this experience has made me realize 'Pessimism' isn't exactly an outlook - it's just reality waiting to happen.
2014 has been the year I have lost nearly everything I cared for or loved. The year that destroyed my future, turned my present into purgatory and my past into a grandious exercise in futility.
So to anyone out there who's celebrating their birthday on this day, I hope your life is rewarding your hard work and being understanding of your shortcomings because otherwise.. life's just not worth living. Trust me - I would know.
I have literally nothing left to celebrate.
PS.: Thank you in advance to all of those with good wishes. I might have lost all semblance of enjoyment but I haven't turned into a douchebag yet - so it's all very much appreciated :3
Throughout this year, this one accursed 2014, I have lost my father to cancer and been cheated out of everything I have worked my arse off for the past 4 years. All my hobbies were taken away from me, my car, my job, everything, by the complacency and incompetence of a few people representing a government I had nothing but respect for and trust in. In the process of stripping myself off of everything I had accomplished, these people have also locked me away from every single friend I had made, the very people I was praying I'd be able to grow old with and spend the rest of my life with, the people I had started considering like family.
I have been left with nothing but a massive dent in my finances, 4 years of my professional/academic life wasted, virtually no future (unless I start over from scratch and blow another 4-5 years studying, unable to work), but the cherry on top of the cake is this experience has made me realize 'Pessimism' isn't exactly an outlook - it's just reality waiting to happen.
2014 has been the year I have lost nearly everything I cared for or loved. The year that destroyed my future, turned my present into purgatory and my past into a grandious exercise in futility.
So to anyone out there who's celebrating their birthday on this day, I hope your life is rewarding your hard work and being understanding of your shortcomings because otherwise.. life's just not worth living. Trust me - I would know.
I have literally nothing left to celebrate.
PS.: Thank you in advance to all of those with good wishes. I might have lost all semblance of enjoyment but I haven't turned into a douchebag yet - so it's all very much appreciated :3
Just a Hello~~
Posted 11 years agoJust dropping by to tell you guys that you can feel free to ask me stuff here~ http://ask.fm/Ausup
I got some updates regarding art and life, including an awesome trip I made to Germany, so I'll write about that once I have the time~ ^^
I got some updates regarding art and life, including an awesome trip I made to Germany, so I'll write about that once I have the time~ ^^
Alternative Art Style (NEED YOUR INPUT =D)
Posted 11 years agoSo, I'm going to be hardware-crippled for a while longer, and I am unable to execute that detailed/painted style you guys are used to. This is just a temporary issue, but I would still like to keep up with art, so I was considering offering alternative, simpler art in a different style.
HERE'S WHERE I NEED YOUR HELP - I need you guys to let me know what do you like about my style/art EXCEPTING for the painting/shading. Maybe you like a particular thing about how I draw anatomy, maybe it's expressions, what do you think?
Please, give me some feedback - the more the merrier since it'll help me develop this 'light' style and start commissioning again faster, maybe even throw a few YCHs in there for good measure ^^
HERE'S WHERE I NEED YOUR HELP - I need you guys to let me know what do you like about my style/art EXCEPTING for the painting/shading. Maybe you like a particular thing about how I draw anatomy, maybe it's expressions, what do you think?
Please, give me some feedback - the more the merrier since it'll help me develop this 'light' style and start commissioning again faster, maybe even throw a few YCHs in there for good measure ^^
Why I Haven't Been Around.
Posted 11 years agoI'm going to be quite succinct with this, 'cause there's really no point in delving too deeply into it.
For those of you who read my previous journal, I very much appreciate it. If you haven't, I suggest you skim through it, 'cause it's gonna make this present journal make a lot more sense.
I'm a Brazilian fox. Brazil is a MISERABLE, dangerous, soul sucking place to be in. I don't care what you saw on television - I've lived here for over 20 years and I can guarantee you that this is the closest thing to a hell a nation not undergoing a war can get to. Everyday I leave my house there's a reasonable chance a street thug is gonna put a bullet on my head just so they can steal 10 bucks from me - doesn't even matter if you comply or not anymore, they just kill people like it's nothing (because in Brazil.. it really is. Our lives are meaningless and criminals are the only people with rights. Long story. TRUST ME on this one).
So I decided I'd leave this country. I had friends in Canada and I had heard great things about it, and had also spent weeks in Vancouver years ago. So I moved to Ontario (big mistake - Ontario and British Columbia might as well be 2 different countries, and one of them really doesn't like immigrants). I didn't just 'get in the country' like many people do and try to wiggle my way in and avoid the law - I got in LEGALLY, BY THE BOOK, checking with Canadian Immigration myself, every step of the way. I had a plan, and I went through that plan with more than one agent, many times while pointing out my concerns. All of them (ALL) assured me I was correct, and should have a smooth journey. Very well.
I went to college (in London, Southern Ontario) and 2 years later graduated as an Automotive Technician. I paid 2.5 times what a Canadian citizen pays for college, because 'fuck immigrants, let's suck them dry' seems to be theme with Canada. But anyway, having studied a trade I was positive I could make that money back in a couple of years, easily. One thing about a TRADE, though, as opposed to a university course, is that unless you go through apprenticeship during or after graduation you don't really get hired into a decent job. So the apprenticeship might as well be a mandatory 3rd year work placement.
As soon as I graduate I start looking for one, then. Very excited about being able to work with something I love, I actually end up meeting the president of the council that oversees trade apprentices in Ontario. So of course I walk up to him to ask for advice. GUESS WHAT. He just shakes his head and looks at me with an 'eek' kinda look... and informs me that to become an apprentice in Canada I need to be a PERMANENT RESIDENT.
HERE is the fucking catch - in order to become a resident through work experience (which was my plan all along, remember that plan that MULTIPLE CANADIAN OFFICIALS validated? INCLUDING COLLEGE COUNSELLORS?) I would need to work in my field, in a decent position (so 'automotive technician' as opposed to 'oil and lubrication expert' - which is pretty much ALL you can get without an Ontario Certified Automotive Mechanic certificate).
So if that got complicated... I needed 'A' to get 'B', but to get 'A' I needed 'B'.
What is most disturbing is that THIS SPECIFIC SCENARIO is something I asked those multiple officials. Mind you, I didn't ask them 'Can something go wrong with my plan?' - No. I asked them - "AS A TEMPORARY RESIDENT, CAN I BECOME AN APPRENTICE ONCE I GRADUATE?" which was replied with a sounding "YES" by every single one of the people who were supposed to be doing their jobs.
So hey, alright, no biggie, right? It's just like 100 THOUSAND DOLLARS down the drain, CHUMP CHANGE when you come from a country where MINIMUM WAGE IS 2 DOLLARS AN HOUR AND TAXES FLUCTUATE AT 60-80% OF WHAT YOU MAKE. But okay. Let's be optimistic - at least I get to live in a country where every police officer will try to set me up because I'm not white enough =D
So okay, I decide to take my losses and move on with my sabotaged life. My OPEN work permit, ISSUED BY THE CANADIAN GOVERNMENT UPON MY SUCCESSFUL AND VERIFIED COMPLETION OF A GRADUATE DEGREE IN CANADA still allowed me to work any job I wanted in Canada. Was it my dream to move to Canada to work an Average Joe kinda job? No. But I like to think I'm a humble soul, so I was actually happy to be able to get a 'regular' job and experience that sort of life, at least until I figured out what to do to fix Canadian Immigration's massive fuck up.
I get a job at a big home decor store. It's half salesman, half interior designer. I actually loved the latter. I worked there for a little less than 6 months, and I can tell you in that amount of time the boss already put more faith in me than in people she had working there for the past 8 years. I also re-organized the entire stock and.. anyway.. the co-workers loved me, the boss was DESPERATE at the mere thought that one day I could be gone. It wasn't my dream job, and I already had plans to quit by the end of the year but.. for now it was beautiful.
Now, just a little addendum to say.. I COMPLETELY adapted to life in Canada. You can ask any of my close friends here, Sparx, Clumzy, Bootz, Silvermoon - more than once I had people tell me I was a better Canadian than actual Canadians. That I was kinder, politer, a better driver, more loveable, whatever - people loved me. I developed a whole life there - I HAD A FAMILY. I had friends, I had a life.
So then at the beginning of this year, 2014, my father, who had just found out he had a cancerous tumour in his lungs, passed away. He just started coughing blood one day and passed out - he was dead by the time the paramedics got to him. Now, I was an only child. He died spitting blood in my mother's arms. Going back to Brazil to spend at least a month with her was more than an option - it was the right thing to do.
The problem is, at the time, my entry visa to Canada had just expired, and getting another one would take too long. This was CLEARLY a family emergency. So I resorted to the brilliant fucks at Canadian Immigration once again. I SHOWED THEM my documents, I POINTED OUT THE INVALID ENTRY VISA, pointed them to my work permit and asked very slowly~ "Will I be able to enter the country again with nothing but this work permit?" - again multiple agents, in uniform, during their work hours, REPRESENTING THE CANADIAN GOVERNMENT, told me I would UNDOUBTEDLY be able to re-enter. To which I CONTESTED the information and said "This work permit does state EXPLICITLY that it DOES NOT ALLOW RE-ENTRY" to which their reaction was "Don't worry, you're GOOD".
Okay. So, I asked about 4 different agents at four different places in four different cities. THEY ALL said I was good for it. So I told my boss, my desperate boss 'cause I was leaving for a month and she had no idea how she'd keep the store running properly without me, that I'd be gone for a month. Fronted some rent, made sure I had plenty in my bank account and left. I didn't even make my bed... I didn't even.. make my bed - I was going to be back in 2-3 weeks anyway.
So I spend the time with my mum, and I just happen to check with Canadian Immigration before my return, to see if everything was alright. The only information I ever got from them is that I was "BANNED from Canada". Okay. Clearly some sort of mistake. So I get in touch with my lawyer in Canada (yes, I have a lawyer.. in Canada. Remember I said I HAD A WHOLE LIFE THERE?). He gets in touch with them and after a few weeks gets a reply. He said, and I quote, "They're saying you were here illegally and abusing the country. They say you got in with the pretext of going to college, dropped out of college as son as you crossed the border, never graduated, and have been working for the past 3 years, stealing Canadian people's jobs".
Okay.
Let's ignore the fact that the present dean used to be one of my teachers. Let's ignore I was his favourite student. Let's ignore that IF THEY MADE A ONE MINUTE PHONE CALL they would've realized someone was full of crap and that wasn't me. Let's ignore the fact that IF THEY ISSUED ME A "POST-GRADUATE WORK PERMIT"... THAT KIND OF MEANS I GRADUATED. Let's ignore all that and run some numbers:
College In Canada - Around $80 THOUSAND dollars
Personal spending money I got from Brazil every month - Around $2 THOUSAND dollars for nearly 4 years - let's average it to $100 THOUSAND dollars
Add in unexpected expenses, document costs, and so on, it is safe to say in my 4 years in Canada I have INJECTED INTO THE ECONOMY roughly 200 THOUSAND DOLLARS.
How much money did I make in those 6 months of legally working there? According to my salary average, and the amount of time worked... about $4 THOUSAND dollars.
I'm gonna do the math for you guys: 200K - 4K = 196K.
That's how much money Canada did not have before I arrived. So it is safe to say if I ever came face to face with the son of a bitch who accused me of 'abusing Canada' then we'd have a REAL honest reason to get me deported :3
So yeah. Not to mention all the lil' things that immigrants do that REALLY weight on Canadian economy, like taking government money assistance, unemployment money, and so on - I've never touched any of that crap. IN FACT, I have lend money to friends of mine. Not just 'some' money, I mean MONEY. Money I don't see the Canadian government lending them.
So what? We've been through civics, law, politics, mathematics - if you have any doubts just ask 'cause I can keep proving my presence in Canada is more beneficial to the country than the presence of most of it's real citizens, and that I have actually abided by the law more than the vast majority of both - immigrants AND citizens.
I guess this probably explains why I've been KINDA PISSED OFF lately, huh? Why don't they just fix it, you say? They refuse to look over the case. THEY REFUSE TO ACCEPT EVIDENCE. My degree is sitting in my office, back in Canada. I could easily show it to them, or they could easily call my college and confirm I graduated. But naw, I'm just not white enough, it seems. In this world if you're brown and foreign enough you REALLY can't be expected to have any rights. You're expected to comply to their rules, but they don't have to follow rules when dealing with third world garbage like me.
OH! Funny thing! Me and a friend were set to check out a rental space downtown as soon as I came back - I was about to open a restaurant, create jobs and stimulate the economy. In fact, it was such a sure thing I would probably own my own restaurant by now. BUT y'know the Canadian government - they'd much rather OFFER FINANCIAL HELP TO ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS WHO BOTH DESPISE CANADIAN CULTURE AND REFUSE TO MAKE ANY EFFORT TO ADAPT TO IT.
Now, get this... the cherry on top - my lawyer has just informed me Canada wants me to pay A THOUSAND DOLLARS for a 30 day visa just so I can sell/get my stuff out of the country, and that this bought visa MIGHT GIVE THEM SOME INCENTIVE towards them looking into my situation - BRAVO, CANADA. Now they're done beating around the bush and are just downright openly EXTORTING ME. I'm pretty sure that offer is absolutely illegal, but hey - I'm brown, doesn't count 'cause Canada doesn't see me as a real boy :3
I am so sorry for ever doubting Americans whenever they made fun of Canada - it's fucking worse than you guys think, I swear. If I had moved to a real country like the United States I wouldn't have wasted 5 years of my life, along with a couple of hundred thousand dollars. But no - I felt for that massive lie, that Canada is a warm and welcoming place that loves immigrants and treats everyone fairly. Well, if that's true then maybe Brazil IS a tropical paradise full of happiness, love and beautiful people.
The real problem with all of this is... how do I go on? How do I give another country a chance? How am I EVER going to believe ANYONE EVER AGAIN? Canadian incompetents DESTROYED any sense of hope and belief in mankind I had. They've turned me PARANOID (for GOOD reason) and now I can't face any other international option without THE BIGGEST pessimism. This is going to affect my personal and professional life FOREVER. What FUCKS ME UP is that I WENT BEYOND what was expected of me, so that a bunch of lazy fucks who didn't even bother doing their job even though that means they will be ENDING LIVES, is just sitting there, living the dream, without so much as a warning. The only person hurt in this whole process is the only person who did everything right - me.
All that being said... I am so sorry for the lack of art but my desktop and tablet remain in FUCK-COUNTRY up there, and I haven't really adapted well to using my ultrabook for painting. So I'm gonna try starting to get some sketches one and uploaded instead. I am NOT done with art - I guarantee you once I have my hardware back up and running (if the great gods of Canada will offer me this grandiose mercy) I'll kick it back into gear with some YCHs for ya'll~
TL;DR --> FUCK CANADA - THEY'RE THE REASON YOU DON'T GET ART.
PS.: Please don't be a Canadian with a stick up your arse - my problem's with the government, the police officers and any other incompetent racist fuck that raped me financially without so much as a 'Thank you' - I don't think your little sister is a bitch, just those specific people I mentioned. In fact the only reason this whole ordeal pisses me off is that I had a life there, and everyone I loved, CANADIANS, ARE THERE. No offense to Canadians but country-wise if I could go back in time there's no fucking way I would've picked the land of democratic fascism to move to o.o
For those of you who read my previous journal, I very much appreciate it. If you haven't, I suggest you skim through it, 'cause it's gonna make this present journal make a lot more sense.
I'm a Brazilian fox. Brazil is a MISERABLE, dangerous, soul sucking place to be in. I don't care what you saw on television - I've lived here for over 20 years and I can guarantee you that this is the closest thing to a hell a nation not undergoing a war can get to. Everyday I leave my house there's a reasonable chance a street thug is gonna put a bullet on my head just so they can steal 10 bucks from me - doesn't even matter if you comply or not anymore, they just kill people like it's nothing (because in Brazil.. it really is. Our lives are meaningless and criminals are the only people with rights. Long story. TRUST ME on this one).
So I decided I'd leave this country. I had friends in Canada and I had heard great things about it, and had also spent weeks in Vancouver years ago. So I moved to Ontario (big mistake - Ontario and British Columbia might as well be 2 different countries, and one of them really doesn't like immigrants). I didn't just 'get in the country' like many people do and try to wiggle my way in and avoid the law - I got in LEGALLY, BY THE BOOK, checking with Canadian Immigration myself, every step of the way. I had a plan, and I went through that plan with more than one agent, many times while pointing out my concerns. All of them (ALL) assured me I was correct, and should have a smooth journey. Very well.
I went to college (in London, Southern Ontario) and 2 years later graduated as an Automotive Technician. I paid 2.5 times what a Canadian citizen pays for college, because 'fuck immigrants, let's suck them dry' seems to be theme with Canada. But anyway, having studied a trade I was positive I could make that money back in a couple of years, easily. One thing about a TRADE, though, as opposed to a university course, is that unless you go through apprenticeship during or after graduation you don't really get hired into a decent job. So the apprenticeship might as well be a mandatory 3rd year work placement.
As soon as I graduate I start looking for one, then. Very excited about being able to work with something I love, I actually end up meeting the president of the council that oversees trade apprentices in Ontario. So of course I walk up to him to ask for advice. GUESS WHAT. He just shakes his head and looks at me with an 'eek' kinda look... and informs me that to become an apprentice in Canada I need to be a PERMANENT RESIDENT.
HERE is the fucking catch - in order to become a resident through work experience (which was my plan all along, remember that plan that MULTIPLE CANADIAN OFFICIALS validated? INCLUDING COLLEGE COUNSELLORS?) I would need to work in my field, in a decent position (so 'automotive technician' as opposed to 'oil and lubrication expert' - which is pretty much ALL you can get without an Ontario Certified Automotive Mechanic certificate).
So if that got complicated... I needed 'A' to get 'B', but to get 'A' I needed 'B'.
What is most disturbing is that THIS SPECIFIC SCENARIO is something I asked those multiple officials. Mind you, I didn't ask them 'Can something go wrong with my plan?' - No. I asked them - "AS A TEMPORARY RESIDENT, CAN I BECOME AN APPRENTICE ONCE I GRADUATE?" which was replied with a sounding "YES" by every single one of the people who were supposed to be doing their jobs.
So hey, alright, no biggie, right? It's just like 100 THOUSAND DOLLARS down the drain, CHUMP CHANGE when you come from a country where MINIMUM WAGE IS 2 DOLLARS AN HOUR AND TAXES FLUCTUATE AT 60-80% OF WHAT YOU MAKE. But okay. Let's be optimistic - at least I get to live in a country where every police officer will try to set me up because I'm not white enough =D
So okay, I decide to take my losses and move on with my sabotaged life. My OPEN work permit, ISSUED BY THE CANADIAN GOVERNMENT UPON MY SUCCESSFUL AND VERIFIED COMPLETION OF A GRADUATE DEGREE IN CANADA still allowed me to work any job I wanted in Canada. Was it my dream to move to Canada to work an Average Joe kinda job? No. But I like to think I'm a humble soul, so I was actually happy to be able to get a 'regular' job and experience that sort of life, at least until I figured out what to do to fix Canadian Immigration's massive fuck up.
I get a job at a big home decor store. It's half salesman, half interior designer. I actually loved the latter. I worked there for a little less than 6 months, and I can tell you in that amount of time the boss already put more faith in me than in people she had working there for the past 8 years. I also re-organized the entire stock and.. anyway.. the co-workers loved me, the boss was DESPERATE at the mere thought that one day I could be gone. It wasn't my dream job, and I already had plans to quit by the end of the year but.. for now it was beautiful.
Now, just a little addendum to say.. I COMPLETELY adapted to life in Canada. You can ask any of my close friends here, Sparx, Clumzy, Bootz, Silvermoon - more than once I had people tell me I was a better Canadian than actual Canadians. That I was kinder, politer, a better driver, more loveable, whatever - people loved me. I developed a whole life there - I HAD A FAMILY. I had friends, I had a life.
So then at the beginning of this year, 2014, my father, who had just found out he had a cancerous tumour in his lungs, passed away. He just started coughing blood one day and passed out - he was dead by the time the paramedics got to him. Now, I was an only child. He died spitting blood in my mother's arms. Going back to Brazil to spend at least a month with her was more than an option - it was the right thing to do.
The problem is, at the time, my entry visa to Canada had just expired, and getting another one would take too long. This was CLEARLY a family emergency. So I resorted to the brilliant fucks at Canadian Immigration once again. I SHOWED THEM my documents, I POINTED OUT THE INVALID ENTRY VISA, pointed them to my work permit and asked very slowly~ "Will I be able to enter the country again with nothing but this work permit?" - again multiple agents, in uniform, during their work hours, REPRESENTING THE CANADIAN GOVERNMENT, told me I would UNDOUBTEDLY be able to re-enter. To which I CONTESTED the information and said "This work permit does state EXPLICITLY that it DOES NOT ALLOW RE-ENTRY" to which their reaction was "Don't worry, you're GOOD".
Okay. So, I asked about 4 different agents at four different places in four different cities. THEY ALL said I was good for it. So I told my boss, my desperate boss 'cause I was leaving for a month and she had no idea how she'd keep the store running properly without me, that I'd be gone for a month. Fronted some rent, made sure I had plenty in my bank account and left. I didn't even make my bed... I didn't even.. make my bed - I was going to be back in 2-3 weeks anyway.
So I spend the time with my mum, and I just happen to check with Canadian Immigration before my return, to see if everything was alright. The only information I ever got from them is that I was "BANNED from Canada". Okay. Clearly some sort of mistake. So I get in touch with my lawyer in Canada (yes, I have a lawyer.. in Canada. Remember I said I HAD A WHOLE LIFE THERE?). He gets in touch with them and after a few weeks gets a reply. He said, and I quote, "They're saying you were here illegally and abusing the country. They say you got in with the pretext of going to college, dropped out of college as son as you crossed the border, never graduated, and have been working for the past 3 years, stealing Canadian people's jobs".
Okay.
Let's ignore the fact that the present dean used to be one of my teachers. Let's ignore I was his favourite student. Let's ignore that IF THEY MADE A ONE MINUTE PHONE CALL they would've realized someone was full of crap and that wasn't me. Let's ignore the fact that IF THEY ISSUED ME A "POST-GRADUATE WORK PERMIT"... THAT KIND OF MEANS I GRADUATED. Let's ignore all that and run some numbers:
College In Canada - Around $80 THOUSAND dollars
Personal spending money I got from Brazil every month - Around $2 THOUSAND dollars for nearly 4 years - let's average it to $100 THOUSAND dollars
Add in unexpected expenses, document costs, and so on, it is safe to say in my 4 years in Canada I have INJECTED INTO THE ECONOMY roughly 200 THOUSAND DOLLARS.
How much money did I make in those 6 months of legally working there? According to my salary average, and the amount of time worked... about $4 THOUSAND dollars.
I'm gonna do the math for you guys: 200K - 4K = 196K.
That's how much money Canada did not have before I arrived. So it is safe to say if I ever came face to face with the son of a bitch who accused me of 'abusing Canada' then we'd have a REAL honest reason to get me deported :3
So yeah. Not to mention all the lil' things that immigrants do that REALLY weight on Canadian economy, like taking government money assistance, unemployment money, and so on - I've never touched any of that crap. IN FACT, I have lend money to friends of mine. Not just 'some' money, I mean MONEY. Money I don't see the Canadian government lending them.
So what? We've been through civics, law, politics, mathematics - if you have any doubts just ask 'cause I can keep proving my presence in Canada is more beneficial to the country than the presence of most of it's real citizens, and that I have actually abided by the law more than the vast majority of both - immigrants AND citizens.
I guess this probably explains why I've been KINDA PISSED OFF lately, huh? Why don't they just fix it, you say? They refuse to look over the case. THEY REFUSE TO ACCEPT EVIDENCE. My degree is sitting in my office, back in Canada. I could easily show it to them, or they could easily call my college and confirm I graduated. But naw, I'm just not white enough, it seems. In this world if you're brown and foreign enough you REALLY can't be expected to have any rights. You're expected to comply to their rules, but they don't have to follow rules when dealing with third world garbage like me.
OH! Funny thing! Me and a friend were set to check out a rental space downtown as soon as I came back - I was about to open a restaurant, create jobs and stimulate the economy. In fact, it was such a sure thing I would probably own my own restaurant by now. BUT y'know the Canadian government - they'd much rather OFFER FINANCIAL HELP TO ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS WHO BOTH DESPISE CANADIAN CULTURE AND REFUSE TO MAKE ANY EFFORT TO ADAPT TO IT.
Now, get this... the cherry on top - my lawyer has just informed me Canada wants me to pay A THOUSAND DOLLARS for a 30 day visa just so I can sell/get my stuff out of the country, and that this bought visa MIGHT GIVE THEM SOME INCENTIVE towards them looking into my situation - BRAVO, CANADA. Now they're done beating around the bush and are just downright openly EXTORTING ME. I'm pretty sure that offer is absolutely illegal, but hey - I'm brown, doesn't count 'cause Canada doesn't see me as a real boy :3
I am so sorry for ever doubting Americans whenever they made fun of Canada - it's fucking worse than you guys think, I swear. If I had moved to a real country like the United States I wouldn't have wasted 5 years of my life, along with a couple of hundred thousand dollars. But no - I felt for that massive lie, that Canada is a warm and welcoming place that loves immigrants and treats everyone fairly. Well, if that's true then maybe Brazil IS a tropical paradise full of happiness, love and beautiful people.
The real problem with all of this is... how do I go on? How do I give another country a chance? How am I EVER going to believe ANYONE EVER AGAIN? Canadian incompetents DESTROYED any sense of hope and belief in mankind I had. They've turned me PARANOID (for GOOD reason) and now I can't face any other international option without THE BIGGEST pessimism. This is going to affect my personal and professional life FOREVER. What FUCKS ME UP is that I WENT BEYOND what was expected of me, so that a bunch of lazy fucks who didn't even bother doing their job even though that means they will be ENDING LIVES, is just sitting there, living the dream, without so much as a warning. The only person hurt in this whole process is the only person who did everything right - me.
All that being said... I am so sorry for the lack of art but my desktop and tablet remain in FUCK-COUNTRY up there, and I haven't really adapted well to using my ultrabook for painting. So I'm gonna try starting to get some sketches one and uploaded instead. I am NOT done with art - I guarantee you once I have my hardware back up and running (if the great gods of Canada will offer me this grandiose mercy) I'll kick it back into gear with some YCHs for ya'll~
TL;DR --> FUCK CANADA - THEY'RE THE REASON YOU DON'T GET ART.
PS.: Please don't be a Canadian with a stick up your arse - my problem's with the government, the police officers and any other incompetent racist fuck that raped me financially without so much as a 'Thank you' - I don't think your little sister is a bitch, just those specific people I mentioned. In fact the only reason this whole ordeal pisses me off is that I had a life there, and everyone I loved, CANADIANS, ARE THERE. No offense to Canadians but country-wise if I could go back in time there's no fucking way I would've picked the land of democratic fascism to move to o.o
Everything You NEVER Wanted to Know About Me
Posted 11 years agoI'm going to try to make this short and succinct, but it won't have any relation to my art, it won't be about anything murry, and it won't be too furry either - I understand that, therefore, only about 2% of you will bother to read it, but I am fine with that. Fine enough that I've given you this warning. Now if you're only here to paw off or don't want to bother with people who aren't as happy as you are then run along and play elsewhere :3
I was born in Brazil. It's a wonderful place to grow up, but that's it. Once you're old enough to get out.. GET. OUT. I had a pretty nice childhood compared to what I see in first world countries. We didn't have nearly the same infrastructure you guys had, and nobody really gave a crap about us 'developing to be the best', they just let us be kids and we used that freedom to play football 24/7.
Once I actually got pushed into playing football (that's REAL football, by the way, not 'handball with armour and drugs' like you guys play in the United States) I got really good at it really fast. That was about when I was 12. Most people start playing at 4-5 here, and in a single year I caught up and surpassed most of those, but that's beyond the point (though it was pretty cool to show all the douches in school that ostracized me because I never played it how much they now sucked by comparison xD).
Probably the happiest part of my life was playing football at this nearby club. I was literally there 8 hours a day. I was an A+++ student, pretty much a gifted student although both the system as well as my parents did the best to hold me back into 'normal standards'. I also became an exceptional footballer, way better than the schmucks who get played a million dollars a year to play professionally.
It was a time of excitement and possibilities - I probably had the brightest future ahead of me, and nobody in the world would deny it. Since I was very clever everyone kinda steered me away from a professional career in football - to be fair in Brazil that is seen as a bit of a 'last ditch effort' into becoming someone in life, so I don't really blame them.
I applied for a Game Design bachelor's degree at the English University of Portsmouth, to the sheer desperation of my parents. I got accepted, but due to a complete 'fluke' the British postal service delayed my housing papers and I lost my chance... That was the turn of the tide. The one event that triggered a succession of misfortunes and unbelievable failures that I have grown to accept as 'my life'.
I ended up studying business management for a year, then visiting Vancouver for a month, and back to Brazil. Dropped out of my program and decided to do something bold and join an up and coming Game Design course in Sao Paulo, right here in Brazil. Back then, that was an undisputed brilliant professional/academic move, and everyone was once again certain I was on the fast track to success.
By the time I noticed the program was a lie, and the teachers were incompetent and lacked any sort of contacts in the industry I was already invested. My parents had made a deal with me - if I had a university diploma I could go live abroad, so I decided it was worth braving this to achieve my freedom.
You might be wondering what's with my obsession in escaping Brazil. If you visited you'd understand. Brazil is not a good place to live. In fact, it is a terrible place to live. As far as I know/have seen there is no country in the world that is as corrupt. Let me simplify this with a few topics, but please feel free to ask me more and I'll do my best to be honest and impartial about what reality is here in the Third World:
- STATUS QUO: Racial stereotypes, aggressive reactions to alternative sexualities, you name it, Brazil has it. This is a society based on 'normalcy'. You're either 'normal' or you're against society. The simplest things get the most outrageous reactions, and being invisible and part of the mob is a desirable trait - people care first about what everyone thinks. You're allowed your own choices, but you WILL be hurt by them... If a homosexual couple is walking around holding hands there's a high chance they'll be beaten to death - I guess that about sums it up.
- CORRUPTION: Everywhere. Having lived in Canada for three years now I can guarantee to those of you who were born in the First World - you are not equipped to understand the level of corruption in Brazil. It's like quantum mechanics - it's beyond your scope just because you've never faced such indiscriminate lack of honour or sense of duty. But I'll let numbers help - because my dad died the government took 60 thousand dollars away from us. If I wanted to move my money outside of Brazil I wouldn't be allowed to unless the government kept half of it. And, to finish it off, when you add all the taxes that Brazilians pay and compare that to the money we make.. we pay roughly 60-80% of what we make to the government - a government that reinvests about 5-10% of that back into the country and uses the rest to acquire personal property such as private jets, mansions and farms.
- VIOLENCE: Again, through personal experience, I know most of you won't be able to understand or even imagine what it's like. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND watching 'Elite Squad' with Wagner Moura. Watch that as a documentary, rather than a movie, because that's pretty much what it is. You will learn a whole deal more about the reality in Brazil by watching that than by reading this journal. But it's bad. You never feel safe. Not even at home, behind gates and closed doors, you ARE NEVER SAFE - and by law you are not allowed to defend yourself. If an armed robber breaks into my room in the middle of the night and puts a loaded gun to my head and I slap his face.. I can go to jail for years, he'll be out by noon (this is not an exaggeration, it is FACT.)
- SLAVERY: I know we're taught that's a thing of the past, but it lives in Brazil, under the well developed mantle of 'corruption'. But think with me - we work regular 10-12 hour work shifts, we're underpaid, MOST of what we make is taken forcefully by the government, we're never safe and we have to fear criminals as well s a corrupt government, by law the government is allowed to do pretty much anything it wants and there's nothing you can do about it or you end up in jail... Please, tell me that's NOT slavery.
And.. that's only getting worse. Exponentially. Everyone comments about it - both the people who are living abroad as well as the people living here. The only reason you guys don't hear about it is that the government has good PR people taking care of Brazil's international image. It's all a lie.
So yeah, I very much wanted to leave. And I did. I graduated a program from an university that literally could not care less as long as I paid for it, figured out real quick (along with the 80 students that graduated with me and never worked in the area) that all the "thousands of positions for Game Designers available in the country" were a hoax created by the government and pushed out by the media to provide incentive to the technology sector of the economy, and decided to pack up and go to Canada.
Why Canada? Mostly because, no offense but, I trust the American Government as much as I trust the Brazilian, and to escape one prison to end up in another didn't sound like the greatest plan. Canada seemed good enough - I'd get to be close to all my American friends, plus I had someone I fancied there already, which made the moving a lot easier. Although I am VERY thankful to him and his family for helping me out with that I must admit that I was misguided when I chose the relationship over continuing my education in Vancouver, ending up close to Toronto and starting a fallback career by studying Automotive Mechanics in London, Ontario.
Now mind you, my parents, my dad especially, although offering full monetary support, treated me like a traitor for years before I moved out, and afterwards as well. They were always quick to hurt me about "having left them behind" because I "clearly didn't give a shit about them", and of course half the family always backed them up. So.. this was everyone in my life for years reminding me of what a horrible, cold-hearted, sadistic, selfish bastard. Try to imagine that for a second - everyone that's closest to you constantly reminding you how loathsome you are. It leaves quite a mark. But I kept my chin up - I knew I was doing the right thing... until the Canadian government fucked me over.
Before I even considered moving to Ontario I contacted A LOT of people in the government and school boards and such, and I explained them my situation in detail and asked them time and again if my plans were bullet proof. Asked them SPECIFICALLY about issues that would lead to my demise, and they smiled and nodded saying "Yes, you are correct, don't worry."
So I came to Ontario and took the program. Once I finished I was DYING to start my apprenticeship as a mechanic. And I was good. I was the Dr. House of cars. For a completely inexperienced guy my diagnostic skill was impressive, noted by more than one seasoned mechanic in college. So I set out to find an apprenticeship!
..And then I was informed, by the head of the actual organization that regulates apprenticeships in Ontario, that I couldn't become an apprentice unless I was a permanent resident (something that takes years). Ahhh, I basked in that warm, very well known feeling of the government telling me "FUCK YOU, you did your share but I can do whatever I want, LOSER!".
I would say that was it. That's when I stopped BELIEVING there was something mystical trying to take me down and started KNOWING there IS something mystical, beyond my reasoning or perception, that WILL take me down no matter what I do and make sure I fail at whatever it is I try.
So then I just 'lucked out' (HAAA, sounds so ironic 'cause I'm still in the shit, get it? XD) and got offered a job on retail. A minimum wage, minimum responsibility, part-time position with absolutely zero room for growth. NOT BAD FOR A PERSONABLE, INTELLIGENT TRI-LINGUAL QUICK LEARNER WITH A UNIVERSITY DEGREE, AN INTERNATIONAL COLLEGE DEGREE AND EXTENSIVE TRAINING IN BUSINESS MANAGEMENT, HUH? =D
And then there's the vast emotional void I live in. That requires an extensive explanation on its own, but due to friends being deeply involved with I'll just scratch the surface and say when I moved to Canada I was not prepared for the way people here experience 'love'. It is, in MY OPINION (based on visiting many different places in the world) such a muted, artificial version of the feeling that it scares me to think this is where my next date might come from.
I mean no offense to anyone. In fact, let me assure you that you ARE the majority, therefore you are right - rules of nature. No bullshit - the majority is always right, even if they're wrong, so there's no arguing that. I am wrong for expecting a level of affection people around me can't seem to match, and I DO wish I could live with this shallow alternative view you guys have of love and affection, but I can't.
That is a problem. That is a problem because unless I want to throw all those years in Canada away.. I must remain here for a couple more years in order to ensure my Permanent Residency. Every great chance I passed on in terms of a career was because I have always been a very relationship-oriented person. 'Love' has lead me to misery. I ended up with no career, no real 'future', in a place where as much as I try I can't seem to find anyone that fits what I'm looking for.. when those people are available everywhere around the United States and Europe.
Not to mention, and I am forced to comment on this, that I seem to be popular anywhere I go in the world. That popular also translates into 'wanted' - I have people, CUTE, FUN PEOPLE, hit on me everywhere I go.. EXCEPT in Ontario. In fact I can swear a GOOD DEAL of the furry community there never really gave me a chance. It was kind of cool as a learning process because I have never, anywhere in the world, experienced people turning their backs to me without even trying to get to know me. If was a big eye opener, being rejected without ever being given a chance.
In the end my dad WAS right - Canadians are not as warm and welcoming as everyone else. I'm not saying you guys are mean or anything like that, but you are 'detached', keeping emotions always at bay. So of course, I step out of Canada and I have strangers hitting on me on the streets, but INSIDE Canada, even people who admittedly fancy me are distant and stoic. No offense but you guys need to warm up a little bit.
So there you have it. Every choice I've made in life, whether it was dead on or completely misguided me has lead me in a spiral of failure which has descendant far below my acceptable limits. People fail at things. Hell, some people fail at life itself. Me? I just fail. I am failure. That's what I am - I am FAILURE. People who know me know the lengths I go to do things, they know the amount of skill and hard work I put into anything I do, they know how personable and knowledgeable and kind I am.. and they're also kind of speechless about my life - my life has, admittedly, according to many people, ceased to make sense. I believe my favourite reaction so far comes from my friend and landlady when she said, and I quote: "I have never seen such a good guy being so screwed over by life before."
I am overqualified, yet have no career. I am bright, determined, honest and hardworking, but nobody in Canada sees past my meager work experience. I am financially well endowed, but that money is trapped forever in a sinking ship. I am kind and will do anything to make my friends happy, yet they shy away whenever I need someone to talk. I am good looking, charming, romantic, playful and lovable, and that seems to drive people away nowadays. What is wrong with this world? I know this paragraph probably makes me seem full of myself but am I? Really? I am the first to admit that all those traits are USELESS, wasted on me like there's a curse in place, one that will force me to be miserable, no matter what.
My failure is paramount. It defies the many logics of life, and nullifies all the moral belief systems. I am here.. to suffer. My purpose in this life... is to be a comparative, so that hopefully those of you going through a rough patch will look at me and say "Fuck, at least I'm not THAT guy" and maybe then you can smile and look ahead, and be more optimistic about your tomorrow - knowing that mine will likely get worse and worse.
If all that wasn't enough, some of you are probably aware that my dad has passed away 2 months ago. He had a sudden internal hemorrhage and was found in the bathroom, by my mom, in a large puddle of his own blood, already lifeless. That is the same mum that I am forced to abandon if I want to give myself any chance of making my own life better. A curious detail is once the shock of his death passed I found myself not much more sad than I already was before - I honestly believe I've learned to live in misery.
She lives in Brazil and has no desire to move out. I NEED to be in Canada to assure my Permanent Residency, which is my ticket into the First World, where ALL of my friends and aspirations are. If I were to come back to Brazil that would jeopardize everything I have conquered in Canada, even if I've only conquered shit. Coming back to Brazil to be with her for a few months would mean I have no purpose in going back to Canada at all, and that would be the first step necessary for their government to start barring me from entering the country. By the time she would be fine (or dead, herself) I would have been left with NOTHING and NOBODY.
So basically the universe is asking me a very simple question: Do I essentially commit suicide and go back to Brazil (remember how awesome that place was?) to be with her and try to make her a LITTLE happier until her life is over.. and then it will be too late to escape, and all the furry life, all the friends, all the possibilities, it'll be gone forever, and so will I - OR - do I head back to Canada and try to move on with my life, visiting her as often as I can (which costs about 3 thousand dollars every visit), making it impossible to hold a steady job, damaging my chances to become a permanent resident, all while knowing I am abandoning my own mother when she needs me the most, every single day waking up knowing that I am the biggest scum in this planet?
So there, now those of you who follow me on Twitter know why I'm not happy-go-lucky 100% of the time. I know I'm not a popular fursuiter or popular enough artist that when I basically tweet "I'm sad" I get people asking me if everything's alright. No no, I'm the guy who gets referred to as annoying and emo, I'm the guy who gets unfollowed because 'Fuck, Ausup, he doesn't matter enough to be worth my help', but truth is there's only so much I can do keep the happy fassade up, and when I'm surrounded by negativity with no positivity to be found anywhere.. it gets unsurprisingly difficult to smile and even acknowledge there is a tomorrow.. because at times.. AT TIMES.... I wish there wasn't.
So there ya go - those unfollowing me for going boo-hoo please make a line to my left. Those about to call me out as a selfish prick because 'everybody has problems, not just you', please make a line to my right. Once both lines are ready you can both piss the fuck off. Thanks for reading - sorry for being miserable.
Feel free to ask me stuff and so on. Use notes if you feel like it's best but I am regarding this journal as an open book.
PS.: If you read it, please leave a comment. I want to see if I got my estimate of how many people would care right xD
TMI Tuesday - Ask me anything~
Posted 11 years ago..though I might reserve the right to reply via notes xD
